Whaddaya MEAN You've Never Heard of Me?!?

I sort of flaked on my 10-Year Bloggiversary, which was actually the tenth of June. I thought it was in July, but when I checked, it uh...wasn't.
Whoops.

Of course, it's only a "whoops" if a bloggiversary is something that merits a joyous celebration. It may or may not be. Let's find out how joyous we should be with some exploratory listing of things that have happened since I began a blog in 2002.

--Got internet ordained.

--H and I have moved twice and still remain houseless.

--I got two cats, lost one, and then got another one.

--I had a yellow anaconda, but now I don't. I never will again, Zod willing.

--I completed five novels, three of which have been published.

--I've written at least 100 short stories, poems, articles, marketing pieces.

--Acquired and left two day-jobs.

--Got married. That was pretty cool.

--Three years of extensive therapy, EMDR, and med experimentation on a massive scale.

--Got back in touch with my brother, my godmother/favorite aunt, and a ton of various and sundry cousins, aunts, uncles and distant relations from my mother's side of my family. Whoa.

--Exchanged a few Emails with my biological father. Meh.

--Learned how to knit on a loom. Made a few dozen hats and miscellaneous yarny things. (This is a big deal since yarn crafts had always been a fail for me)

--Ridiculous infatuations with Chris Noth, Rob Zombie, Voltaire, and my hot hot former boss.

--Learned to bake bread, make a roux, and that there is no food on earth that cannot be improved with bacon. Though I kind of suspected that for most of my life.

Okay then, I shall make a little merry. That's a pretty good list.



I shall close with a bit of self indulgence.
Please tell me your most (and least, if you must) favoritest thing about my blog.

In other news, these Adult Swim marathons all week have been positively scrumtralescent.
So is the lemon soda I'm drinking...fucking delicious.

Bridezillas is the most hilarious reality show EVAR.

Can you beleive I'm still not done making hats? I made two more today for Dave C and Kwame.
I rule. Now I have to make another hat for Bre to replace the one that JoJo "played with."
Stupid cat. It's cool though, this one will be bigger and fluffier.

Here are some questions about weddings:

--How important is the receiving line?
--Do I need RSVP cards if my guests are mostly young?
--Pros and Cons of opening gifts at the reception?
--Who usually cuts the cake (after the first cut) and serves it to guests?
--Is it tacky to have them slice their own? Should I assign someone?

We got our new toaster today. It's larger than you'd think any toaster would need to be. I haven't taken it for a test toast yet, but I will...probably in the morning. I also bought a bunch of yarn so I could make hats for H's family for Yule. It turns out, there was a whole second aisle of yarn at Meijer I never noticed before. So I got some fun yarn, and then accidentally got baby yarn. No idea what I'll do with that...if only I knew of someone having a baby. ;-]

Remember the great LJ blackout a week or so ago? Paid members are getting a free week because of it. Which is awesome for me because my Lj time is going to run out in March.

I thought I was way ahead of the NaNoWriMo. The widget said I was like, 8K ahead. But when I added it up, I'm only 2-3K ahead and fading fast since I haven't written today yet. I was finishing a scarf. Stupid widget.

I want to see Stranger than Fiction. Who wants to go with me?

( So we picked up the ring... )

Does a cheesecake with apple pie filling on top in a graham cracker crust sound good?
It sounds good to me, but it will be for Honore's birthday, so it has to have mass appeal.
If course, we're having vegetarian thanksgiving in her honor as well. Broccoli & spinach lasagne and homeade bread. I haven't decided what kind of bread yet though. I wish I had a good sourdough starter.

You may have noticed that I'm posting less often these days. I've taken to only posting when I have something interesting to say...or when I feel like it. I guess I just feel like it less than I used to. I'm not going to post about the second Stingray Victim or the possibility that the Stingray's are coming to get us. Nor will I be posting about the asshats who hae nothing better to do than fight Ann Arbor's School Districts same sex benefit policy. I will also, and admittedly with great difficulty, refrain from talking about Norbit; even H was furious when he saw this trailer. Frankly I'm sick and tired of giving space to idiots, bigots, and other assorted jackasses.

This week I made a few more hats, a cool purse for myself, and possibly something nice for one of you who is having a birthday soon. It's definately NOT sudrin. But then again...maybe it is. ;-] I'm behind with my plan to edit and submit my Hazel story. I forgot about the goddamn goddamn synopsis which I hate. I hate writing synopses whether by chapter or overall. I hate them. I hate them, and I dislike them greatly. So I'll be doing that as soon as I can make myself sit down and do it, which will probably be after a nap, finishing this hat, and a snack of leftover caesar salad. Mmmm...

Had an awesome visit and lunch with kissdbyagnome today. I learned a lot about people I went to high school and college with, and that LaShish has awesome baklava. Mmmm... I also have my officiant lined up for the wedding, because it will be her. Here's who I have so far:

Groom: H
Bride: wednes
Officiant: kissdbyagnome
DJ/MC: madush69
Photographer: slapnticklejr
Food Helper Outer: klynnfrost and possibly missgrete
Invite Design: smarbaby (and no, she can't do yours!)
Aisle Walker Downer: uterdic
Lucky I'm on LJ or I'd be doing everything myself. LOL



Since there's no Friday Five up yet for this weeks, I'll do last week's, since I didn't do it.

1. What job do you have, and why do you like/hate it?
None, and yes, I hate it. Right now, going to these damn meetings and appointments and shit is my job. With that in mind, I kind of suck at it, missing as many as 3 appointments a month sometimes. Yeah...suck. I also do a lot of writing and more recently, knitting.

2. As a kid, what did you want to be when you "grew up?"
A teacher, and ichthyologist, and a writer.

. Is the job you have now anything like what you imagined as a kid?
Actually, the writing part of it is...except I always thought I'd make money at it. But I sort of always wanted to do drugs and write for a living. And I'm not doing much drugs or making much living, but the writing is good.

4. Do you have a five-year career plan?
No.

5. In order to get the job of your dreams, is there anything you wouldn't do? Why?
I wouldn't write anything that I thought was outright bad. No propaganda (but honest advertising is okay), I'd never plaigarize or deliberately steal someone else's idea. And I try to avoid using my feminine wiles to get jobs, which is probably why I'm not employed. ;-]

I finished H's scarf. It's five and a half feet of thick, warm, camouflage goodness. Since I want it to be a total surprise, I can't even let H know that I figured out the whole knitting thing. This means nobody else in his family can have a knitted gift this year since H does all of our package sending. Nor can I make myself a hat and wear it around unless there's some sort of deceptiveness involved, nor can I go out yarn shopping, because why the hell would I need more yarn if I can't knit? It's gonna require some covert ops.

On another topic, how come I never knew Bill Clinton was such a badass?
I like him more now than at any point during his reign presidency.
I was always more of an Al Gore fan then.

Here's a cool meme I lifted from a few of you's
Answer each of the following in exactly two words:
( cut to prevent annoyance )

You probably know this already, but it's Banned Book Week once again. What are we banning? Mostly Harry Potter, but that's not all. I don't mind telling you that I find the very idea of banned books funny, even as it is a microcosm for much that is wrong with American today.

I've heard people say What's so wrong with wanting to keep offensive material out of the hands of children? Nothing really, except that "offense" is in the eye of the beholder. Some parents think very moral books about kids away at school are utter blasphemy because the children have magic wands. Others think The Bible is far too violent or sexually explicit for anyone under say, 16. So, like most things, the responsibility falls on parents to monitor what their children read. But, there always seem to be those types who aren't content to monitor their OWN children, and want to decide what EVERYONE's children are allowed to check out of a library, bring to school, or even be allowed to purchase without a parent. I am pleased to say that even with all of my own youthful nuttiness, I have never, EVER been told I couldn't read a specific book.
I read The Love Machine by Jacqueline Susanne in junior high!! While reading it at lunchtime, a nun confiscated it from me, and called my mom. Mom told her to mind her own business and give me my book back--and didn't she know that while there was no commandment about what not to read, there was a rule against stealing. Ha HA! That's the thing about bi-polar parents, sometimes they are alarmingly cool.

I have to wonder if there's anything you could put in a book that would really, truly need to be banned. Some peice of knowlege or an idea so destructive that the world really is better off not knowing about it. I doubt it. I don't think there is any knowlege that lessens us simply by knowing it. But I'd be interested to know of a legitimate reason for book banning; something other than I don't want my kid to hear about that until I've brainwashed them enough that I'm sure they'll disregard/mock/deny it when they do hear it, which is pretty much how book banning feels to me.

H and I went to the craft store today so I could get some embroidery floss, hoops, cross-stitch cloth and a couple of those little counted cross stitch kits because it always feels like cheating to follow the lines. I may well end up doing some crewel work for holiday gifts since I already know I don't suck at it. But if sleazeanna or sexyrockgoddess want to get together this week or next, I can totally clear some time for you's. I really do want to be able to do some simple knits and crochets. As I keep telling myself: I can do anything a blind old lady with arthritis can do! YEAH!!!
I will make H a scarf this year if I have to learn fuckin' macrame to do it. Maybe I can just tie a long succession of square knots until it looks like a scarf. That would be hilarious. Anyway, I'm not sure how we spent $60 on just a few small things at Michael's...it's a special skill of mine, I guess.
Then H and I rode the bus to Meijer so we could catch the #5 bus home. But that bus stopped running at 6 so we had to take a cab, even though we had already taken the bus farther away from where we live. At Meijer, they had this giant, inflatable gargoyle. It was bad ass. I wish I had room for it, because I would totally get one.

And now, I'm off to make a spicy potato soup with keilbasa. I love a nice homemade soup on a chilly day.

As many of you know, I have often lamented my utter and unexplicable lack of yarn skills. The yarn related arts have always eluded me. I cannot crochet, not even the simplest stiches. I tried several times to knit H a scarf, because I was told that knitting is easier than crocheting and that nothing is easier than a scarf. No dice. Some of you even sat down with me and taught me, I even received some lovely yarns and needles/hooks in the mail.

I can't even do a latch-hook rug out of a damn kit. Everyone in the world has one of those circa 1978 latch hook rug pillow thingys with a goddamn tweety bird on the cover. But not me, because I can't make anything with yarn. Nothing at all...well, maybe a poof ball that I could put on top of a hat if I could make one.

Why bring this up, yet again?
Well, the Yule season of perpetual gift giving will be upon us soon. And as usual, I'm poor as hell.
So I want to try to make H a scarf again this year--especially since I still have all my stuff leftover from last years disasterous attempts, and the year before that.

So what's different? What's changed?
Well, I learned of the existence of this device, called a knitting board. Aparently they are even easier than knitting (which of course, was far too difficult for me). They are supposed to be more akin to working a loom than actual yarn craft. I used to be really good at loom, having made many many potholders before I ever even smoked pot. Ha HA!

Do any of you (or your grandmothers, I suppose) use these things? Are they as easy as they appear, or is this just another ploy for me to waste more money on supplies I'll never use? The drag part is, I'm awesome at embroidery, and used to make my own cross stitch patterns for fun. But I can't imagine anything H would want embroidered.

Advise me, crafties!

Damn! Damn! Damn!

I messed up the scarf for H. It is unsavable and must be begun again from the beginning.

According to this confusing-ass crochet book for beginners, I forgot to do a "turning chain" for the new row. As such, my line of single stitches kept getting smaller and smaller. Plus I have a hard time figuring out what part is the top, because it was getting all curly... and not a bald and hilarious curly.

Plus, doing just one row takes like, fifteen minutes and hardly looks like anything at all. I worked on it for 2 hours and just had this tiny, curly mess. I suck so bad.

Is there an easier stich than the single stich, or does it just not get dumbed down any more than that?

You win this round, Yarn-Related-Arts!

Sigh.




While I'm here though, please enjoy A Christmas Story in 30 Seconds by Bunnies. I advocate these Angry Alien folks highly. So if you haven't been watching them, get on over there!!