Whaddaya MEAN You've Never Heard of Me?!?

Hey kids,
I've been neglecting this blog for years, and will likely continue to do so. But for today, here's that video where Detroit's late-night horror show host Wolfman Mac talked about my very first novel: A Stabbing for Sadie.

I don't buy much stuff on the eBay, because it has always seemed about as trustworthy as a garage sale in a town you don't live in. Occasionally though, I can't resist.

Between an extra gig, H's work bonus, and my tax return, we had a bit of money for H and me to buy ourselves something fun. For my thing, I bid on an Agents of SHIELD thing, signed by Bill Paxton.

For anyone who doesn't know me, Bill Paxton was my favorite actor (and despite only having directed one horror movie, is high up on my fave horror director's list too) and I was beyond crushed when he died suddenly last year. I'm still pretty sad about it. Right after his death, genuine autographed skyrocketed in price. Since though, they've come down to normal levels. It's not absurd to think one could get one for $50-$100 for a trading card, and about twice that for an 8x10' glossy.

With that in mind, I bid three-times what the then-highest bid was. Kept a close eye on it, and it didn't move for a few days. Then one guy bid, but well below where I bid. I was pretty excited, thinking I'd finally own something Bill Paxton once held in his hand. If that sounds stupid and childish to you, I get it, it kind of does to me too. But I want it, and that's just how it is.

Except...a few hours before the auction ended, someone bid exactly the same amount as me. Because I bid first, I was still the winner at that point. I did find it odd though that the bids were like, $25...$26.50...$31...and then suddenly it jumped up to $75. Odd, right? I'm told that sometimes sellers, particularly in collectibles markets, will make bids under a secondary account to make sure buyers aren't leaving money on the table. I highly suspect that the seller did this. I opted not to raise my bid, and lost the item to another buyer.

But wait...because the seller then contacted me, saying the buyer had fallen through. This was on the same day that the auction ended. Can a buyer even "fall through" in one day? This cemented my suspicion that this seller was shady AF. Now I doubt the validity of the listing and the transaction.

I've never actually bought an autograph that wasn't from someone I could watch making the signature. Don't they come with certificates of authenticity when they're from super famous people? I've been given autographed things as gifts, and they often do some with seals or affidavits affirming that they're real. I'm a collector and all, but the things I collect are for my own enjoyment rather than cataloging them like stamps or something.

You know how money is sometimes exchanged for goods and services?
I'm doing a bit of that now in my Kickass Kickstarter. A KickASSStarter if you will...which you shouldn't...because that was terrible.  

It's slow going with the raising of funds, but I'm hoping for the best.  I have some great soaps on offer, plus a few things for people who (and I'm told they really do exist) don't like horror and aren't looking for ways to work more of it into their lives.

Most of what I need the funds for is finishing the website build, getting labels and packaging stuff, buying a printer, and setting myself up with some decent tables, lights, signage, and display shelves for doing craft shows.  Plus I'll need to pay somebody to be my driver/handler.  

If you're the sort of person who wants to help out so I can enjoy some success, here is some stuff you can do:

Paste this link where you think people will see it.  Social media, your own blog, anywhere that won't be considered spamming.  Spamming is evil and helps no one.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1400616726/scared-soapless-spooky-soaps-for-the-discerning-bo?ref=user_menu
Which people?
Horror fans, wealthy types, people with kids, fans of high-end Health and Beauty Aids, entrepreneurs, and anyone who might want to have their favorite horror thing realized as a soap.

What else helps?
--Buying yourself a reward or two would be cool, if you're the sort who can swing that financially.
--Leaving a comment on the Kickstarter page
--Asking a question on our Facebook page: Scared Soapless
--Interviewing me or doing a writeup at places where you routinely write things up
--Offering words of encouragement.  I can always use them.

Okay, that's what I'm up to these days.
Pentelope is turning 18 on March 5th. I kind of think we should do something cool for her.  We did sort of blow off her Quinceanera...H says cats don't need to have those anyway.  Pfft.  Anyway, I fear that our time with Pente is drawing to a close.  She was the size of my hand when I got her.  Over the years, she has peed, puked, or drooled on pretty much everything I own.  Still, Imma miss her when the time comes.  

I'm one of those people who enjoys believing in things. I spent decades trying to find the right religion--the one that, upon hearing its tenets I immediately realized this was the thing I'd been looking for forever. Despite reading about every religion I could, past and present, I never found it. Eventually, I resigned myself to the fact that supernatural things are a wish, not a want, and that joining the Satanic Temple made the most sense. It didn't require me to pretend to believe in anything stupid, and it actually did have a list of tenets I felt (and continue to feel) very strongly about. But this isn't really a post about religion.

I want to believe that government, while made up of people who are shady and greedy, is essentially good. This began as a childish (because duh, I was a child) faith that grown-ups, especially "famous" grown-ups, had access to facts and learning that I didn't. I thought rich people really were smarter and worked harder than most other people--probably because I was nine-years-old when Reagan got elected. Over the years, watching the government shit on poor people and minorities, watching the Tea Party lead a cadre of hateful morons into our highest offices, it became startlingly obvious that government wasn't so great. In truth, it was no better or worse than most other organizations run by rich, white men. *pause for MRAs to flip the fuck out as people who think feelings are bullshit rail on about how upset I'm making them*

I still can't help being attracted to men of high morals and ideals. Remember when that was Superman? But he's been roundly usurped by Captain America. On TV, my good-government-guy crush was on Aaron Hotchner of TV's Criminal Minds. Hotch doesn't speak unless he has something vital to say. He doesn't abide egos, he sticks to the facts and thinks all people are worthy of dignity, help, and respect. But like all things, my love of Hotch was doomed to end in sadness. Thomas Gibson, the guy who plays Hotch, turned out to be a cheaty, violent dickbag in real life. Sad!

But you know what? James Comey IS Hotch, a real-life one. Sure, he's not a criminal profiler, but he's def a man of high morality and ideals. I love that he takes his wife out to dinner and calls it "a date." I love that he doesn't use swears (my husband doesn't either even though I'm an electrified swear-machine) and that he does the right thing no matter what--even when he doesn't want to. Even when it can lead to bad things. Even when it means we're stuck with a lunatic. That wasn't his fault. Note: My saying this is not an invitation for anyone to tell me everything Comey has ever done that they don't like. I don't care. Don't ruin this for me.
When he said, days before the 2016 election, that there might be something else up with Hillary's Emails, ugh. I was so mad. He was ruining everything. Hell, I thought, Drumpf (I was still calling him that then) could actually win the election and then where would we be?!? Then he explained why he did it. And I had to be like, Damn, I really can't argue with his logic..
Comey was never afraid of Trump. He just didn't like him, didn't trust him, and thought he ought to take copious notes after their meetings--which all sounded like giant WTFs. Even after he got fired, he never seemed mad. Just like, REALLY?!? If that firing had been a romantic breakup, the methodology would have made DJT a villain for the entire rest of his life. That would have been like, Phil Collins territory.

I follow Comey on Twitter now. He's always saying telling things about justice, karma, and other things that might just be intended to get DJT's goat. Ha! I just realized, he's doing what Dumbledore does when he has to talk to people he doesn't like. He's unfailingly polite and dignified, even as his actions silently tell people to go fuck themselves.
Besides, Comey isn't Mike Pence. He and I could probably go out for a burger without our spouses present, and he wouldn't be frightened that my gender means I'm a ravenous amoral sex beast.
All things said and done, I would love to buy that man a beer.
And I don't even like beer.

Every time I come over here to post I feel like I should apologize for not having done so earlier. Screw it. I can't imagine that anyone is truly fussed about whether or not I blog.

What's up with me?
Well, I'm still hoping to start a new business venture this year. It's gonna take about $3,000 for startup expenses for my Kickstarter. I need to buy some things for packaging, bases and other supplies, a printer with all that entails plus paying my cousin to build the new website. That should allow me to launch a successful Kickstarter and get the money I'd need to carry us through the first six months to a year.

I'm finishing my business plan for Scared Soapless this week, and will be shooting it out to a few potential investors. Know a rich person, a horror fan maybe, who wants to invest in my horror-themed HBA business? Let me know and I'll shoot them a business plan. I'm told that there is a new tax plan that's going to make rich people invest like there's no tomorrow--so that will be nice. ;-)

Because H took a pay cut this year (his company stopped being open at night, so he doesn't get the overnight bonus anymore. It was more than $2 an hour, and I think it's quite shitty that his reward for 20+ years of excellent work is to fuck up his schedule and cut his pay, while telling him he can't freelance in graphic design. But I digress...), we decided not to do gifts for birthdays or Christmas even though we usually have a limit of $40 per. But when we decided this, I didn't mention that I was already done shopping for him. So he got an array of cool gifts (Funko, book, shirt, new backpack, bike tire patch kit, etc) and now feels bad because he didn't get me anything. Apparently, gesturing broadly at the apartment and items contained therein didn't make him feel better. *sigh*

Sadly, I got a note from Amazon telling me the jig is up with all the free shit I'd been getting for review. Almost every kid I know got a drone from us this year, and we still have plenty of nice drones. It's a bummer not to be getting more free stuff--I almost got a fog machine. I'll still get a few things here and there, but the steady stream of cheap Chinese electronics is over. #Sad

I did get a few cool gifts from friends and well-wishers, including:
A giant box of loofahs I can use for soaping
The Monkees S1 and S2 box sets (which is all of them)
A new portable vape for that thing I do.
Big basket of yummy fruit
Some really beautiful cards
A Fredo Corleone Funko fig
A cool tree ornament
plus H and I actually ate Christmas dinner at someone else's home where I didn't even have to cook. That was pretty amazing, and something we'd never actually done together (we've had dinner at other people's houses, but not for a holiday). We love salmon.

Wow, I pretty much suck at blogging anymore.
Well, I do write roughly ten blog posts a week--but they're for clients and not for myself. I'm guessing no one wants to hear my thoughts on overhead garage doors or lifestyle tips for moms on a budget any more than I want to have them. But alas, we are poor.

Instead of doing holiday lip balms this year, I'm giving soaps a try. I thought this was a cool, fun idea until it exploded into crazy amounts of money spent, outrageous ideas for amazingly cool soaps, and an implosion of utensils that my kitchen will not soon forget.

People are already asking when I'm going to offer them for sale. I suck at new ventures, which is why I seem to always be just starting or abandoning one. But it would also be pretty cool to give up ad writing and ghost blogging to be able to make spooky (or similar) soaps full time. Personally, I've been using liquid soaps for so long that I forgot how much better the right bar soap is in every way...except convenience.

How does one make bar soap more convenient?

Dear Nazis,

Congratulations! American apathy and misplaced aggression have created an environment that has allowed you emerge proudly from your hidey holes. You white supremacists have always had a wealth of pride, but ya'll don't even wear masks anymore. You present yourself as 'bravely' unafraid of the repercussions of your bullshit--which can only mean that you either think most people agree with you, or that the few who DO agree with you are powerful enough to protect you from those who don't. Good for you!
Take heed though, because whatever WWII books you've been reading--you clearly haven't quite made it to the end. Spoiler Alert: Hitler went out like a bitch. A #Cyka, if you will (and you know you will). Hitler's is one of the only suicides we can call "weak" and "candy-ass" and borne of "pure selfishness."

Now that you know about Hitler's cowardly suicide, his tacit deathbed realization that he'd been wrong all along, you can knock off that crazy bullshit and devote your time to other things. Right? RIGHT?!?
With that in mind, here's a list of things Nazis can do now that they know following Hitler is a huge fucking waste of time (because I just told them). Get ready for fun, Nazis!!

1. Charity Work. You love white people? Awesome. Charities that help white people include homeless shelters, halfway houses, drug treatment centers, mental health centers, food banks, blood drives, or just lending an elderly neighbor a hand with yard work or household repairs.
You're likely to find that helping the people you support is more fulfilling than trying to hurt the people you don't. Bonus: You'll also be less likely to do prison time.

2. Read. No offense, but a lot of you white supremacists have appalling grammar. I heard somewhere that anyone who wants to live in America should learn English. Well, you've been gifted 13 years of tax-payer funded education (you wacky socialist, you!). Still, you don't have it down yet if your misspelled, unpunctuated, 7-dots-in-an-ellipses Tweets are any indication. Take some time and get your proficiency up to say, a 6th grade level.
After all, the best way to feel superior to and smarter than others is to gain wisdom and knowledge, then apply what you learned to your life. You can do it!!!

3. Church. Or more appropriately: Catechism. You guys talk a lot about god this and god that, but you missed the memos on community, loving your fellow man (regardless of skin pigmentation) feeding the poor, and giving comfort to the weak and afflicted. If you still haven't found morality after attending church for a year, talk to an atheist or TST member. They can help.

4. Crafts. Everybody loves crafts. Glue popsicle sticks to make a swastikkka that will send your friends into a Furher. Use dry pasta and glitter to create a Dakow diorama that will give your great grandparents flashbacks. Paint your toy train to look like...I'm not finishing that sentence because, ew. Anyway, staying inside to craft keeps you from going out and seeing all the people you're frightened of you're against.

5. Send away your DNA for testing. This serves several purposes. First, most of you will learn that you have African ancestors. Second, most of you will learn that you have Latino, Asian, Middle-Eastern, or other non-lily-white ancestors. When you get your results, they must be read aloud at the next Klan meeting, Nazi rally, or white supremacy bake sale (you guys do that, right?). Finally, the rest of us might be able to figure out if virulent hate is ever passed genetically.

6. ISIS. If all else fails, and you really want to pretend that your violent sadism is part of a deeply felt, god-sent religious agenda, Congratulations! You feel the same way as ISIS. You hate American freedoms (like speech, and existing without being murdered by the Klan) and are against Democracy, the Free Market, Religious Freedom, and everything written on the Statue of Liberty. Lucky you! There's a group in place already fighting for those ideals, and they fear hate women almost as much as you do!
Bonus: Vlad Putin is also down with ISIS, and I hear he knows the 45th POTUS.

You're welcome.

One time, my electric toothbrush battery died. Instead of just brushing analog like a normal person, I stood there frozen--wondering how on earth I was gonna brush my teeth that day. I had to go to work! I couldn't NOT brush them...
This went down in history as my most absurdly absent-minded life events ever. Not a big deal, just a "holy crap, that was dumb" situation.

Today, my friends, I think I beat it.

We get tons of packages because of Amazon. We also get our groceries from there (well, 70% of them or so), plus I get a Box of Dread every month. So yeah, we're pretty packagey.
Today I got four packages, one of which was really super heavy.
The others were all Amazon stuff for review: some socks, another spy camera, another disco light, some really cool playing cards...like that. The heavy package was USPS priority mail. It was quite heavy and there was stuff moving around loose inside (not alive, but I feared breakage). I couldn't imagine what it could be, or even who it was from. I looked...but didn't know the person.
Turns out, the address label was sort of wonky, but the package wasn't even for me.

Since that bitch upstairs moved out, I don't actually know the names of any of our current neighbors. *pause to consider how sad that is* I got dressed and thought I'd try to figure it out. I walk into the hall, and look at the package again. It's addressed to, if you'll pardon the expression, a foreign-sounding name I couldn't begin to place with a nationality or region. But the cut off address was like [numbers Street, apartment numbe] But on the next line in a different font, it said R4.
Ah, I reasoned. This must be for apartment four.
Which one would that be...Hmmm.
The apartment across from me is #1, so I know it's not them. (if you've been to my place, you might already be laughing here. If not, fear not. Imma let me finish.)
I go down to the end of the hall...to see apartments #2 and #3. Wait, where are the people for the package? This makes no sense. Suddenly I can't even find Apartment 4. This is the dumbest thing ever. Who designed this stupid building anyway? I hate it here!
Still carrying the heavy package, I got back to my apartment...
...where I am reminded that WE are Apartment 4.

Oh FFS...

Anyway, I left the package by the mailboxes. I have even less idea who it might be for now.

My typical plan for summer is to stay the hell inside with so much air on that I sometimes get high and think it's fall. Because heat sucks. Global warming and I are totally not going to get along.

Spent a week house sitting while my more talented friends headed to SDCC. Got to play with doggies and kittens and watch a TV as big as my bed with a stereo louder than that really loud kid upstairs. We watched Skull Island, which was fun but not great. I spent most of it being irritated at the photographer who kept not taking pictures of stuff.
We also saw John Wick 2, which was awesome.
We rewatched Lego Batman and Guardians of the Galaxy, because I love Drax.
Not because I am Groot. I am not, in fact, Groot.

We got our 5th FREE drone this week, which is pretty friggin' cool. This one is another folding model. It's supposed to have one-key return, which will make it easier for a bonehead like me to fly it. I'm mostly just thrilled by having toys that fly. I suck at flying them even worse than I suck at zombie games. Anyway, we're getting a better drone next week, so H is extra stoked about that. For a few years I wanted to get him a decent toy drone to fly. But they were out of our budget. Now, it's pretty much raining drones.
Halleluiah.

The Radish thing is not thrilling me. They still don't have Horror listed as a genre, so my piece is in "general." Lame. I'm bugging them about it, but honestly I can't imagine that this is gonna become a thing for me. I'm a terrible judge of these things. But I'm not into the idea of spending another 18 months on a project that two dozen people see that I lose more money on.
Writing a test piece for a new gig this week. This has the potential to be killer, so I have high hopes.

Oh, and I hate the President. I make snarky comments to him every morning on Twitter, just because it makes me feel a tiny bit better. #LittleThings

Game of Thrones has kicked ass so far. Fuckin' Theon, seriously.

When I was a kid, the phrase "ended up" was heard often. It's supposed to indicate the end of a story. "She ended up marrying that guy from two towns over." As if that's the last thing she ever did. Kinda reminds me of fairy tales that end with a wedding, as if that's the last interesting thing that will ever happen to a person.

The older I get, the more I realize that people don't "end up" anywhere until they die. The guy who "ended up" getting a job at his dad's company after college? He doesn't work there anymore. In fact, the company doesn't exist. The chick who "ended up" moving to California has lived in six other states since then.
I kinda wonder how many people have stopped doing things, trying things, or pursuing things because they felt like they "ended up" somewhere they didn't want to be.

But really, does anyone really "end up" anywhere, except cemeteries and places ashes are thrown?


In drone news, we're having better luck with the tiny drones than the big ones. I think they sent us the wrong propellers for the big drone. One side won't lift even though everything seems to be in order. Dronies I've talked to say it's probably a misaligned propeller.
Still, the box did take a mighty whallop on its way to us. The inside box wasn't damaged, but who knows. Anyway, waiting to hear back from the seller.

Have also been fielding questions from a total stranger asking me why I think I can spend "their tax dollars" on drones. WTF?!?
a) We didn't buy the drones, they're review items we got for free
b) If there's a government program that gives away drones, this is the first I'm hearing of it.
c) OMGLOLSTFU seriously.
d) *block*

I have a terrible track record when it comes to media and popularity. What I mean is, some of the new shows I hear about...I think are the most disgusting and offensive ideas ever. And then they become huge hits:

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (stereotype much)
The Biggest Loser (surely people know that's unhealthy and fake)
Storage Wars (strangers fight over cherished possessions of poor people)
American Idol (mostly that beginning part where they mock sincere people)
Dancing with the "Stars" (who the hell cares if Ben Nye can dance?)

That doesn't even get into reality shows that exploit families with any sort of unusual traits. Too fat, too skinny, overwhelming amounts of kids, poly, weird religions, dwarves, rednecks, whatever, or things like Prime Time wife-swapping. I'm terrible at determining what kind of things will be popular, and what will be scorned. That's also why shows I like so seldom make it past 3 seasons.

With all that in mind, it's probably good that the new project I'm embarking on feels somewhere between an unholy terror and a colossal waste of time. ( Cut for complaining ) I've begun so many projects thinking, "Okay, this is the thing that will get me noticed," but then it isn't. Even bearing in mind that there's really no tipping point where people go from nothing to SUCCESS, I have to think there are stages at which large amounts of new people take an interest in the work.

The new project is at the Radish app. It's new around here, but has been popular in Korea and Japan and thereabouts for a while. They publish serial fiction in a whole bunch of genres. They said they were looking for horror writers, but that's not even an option yet on their site. So we shall see...
I'm publishing chapters weekly in a serial format. I get paid based on readership, which is not really the important part. It's a way to reach a new audience and get some new fiction out there, which I haven't been doing much of in favor of commission work and paid media stuff. New chaps will go up every Wednesday (see what I did there?).

What's the story? I'm so glad you asked.
But I'm not telling you except that it will feature a revolving cast of regular people and their interactions with Max, a guy who looks normal but is actually an employee of Hell.
Yeah, that Hell. ;-)
H has been a bit of a stressbag since they changed his work schedule.
That means I had to do my own cover design, which I'm not great at.
They also don't allow words on the covers. This is what I ended up with.

View post on imgur.com

I'm trying to identify the signs of when a person starts slipping into alt-right theology. I'm not sure if the people I'm noticing have always been a little off, but I know a few people now who have gone from normal and reasonably intelligent to Alex Jones listening, Glenn Beck agreeing, 'why are people so hateful to Trump/Pence' spewing.

Imma focus on two guys I knew in college. I don't wanna use their real names, so I'll call one Bee and one Jay.
When I met Bee, he was a non-trad student with a giant ego who acted like he was way smarter than other students because he "waited to go to school." What? He treated women poorly, drank a lot, lied to get out of trouble, paid me to do assignments, and presented himself differently to different people in huge and humiliating ways. We also slept together a bunch of times, and he told everybody not only that we DIDN'T sleep together, but that I was telling people we had and nobody should listen to me. I won't bother explaining how hurtful that was to a fat girl who thought she had a friend with benefits.
So when I ran into this dude on Facebook years later, he told me all about his wife before asking if I wanted to meet someplace and fuck. When I said No, I got a long diatribe about how I didn't understand how the world worked. He started sending me insane links and racist shit all the time. I'd try to discuss it with him, but he just went more and more off the deep end. Finally he said he was going to ban me from Facebook. I eventually learned he thought that if he banned someone from his page, they couldn't go on FB at all. Smart, right?

Jay and I had a similar background, except we lived in the same house. We ran in the same departments, had the same friends, and fooled around a few times despite never actually dating. Because college, yo. We did a few projects later on, and again, I was offered some no-strings sex even though Jay was clearly in a committed, live-in relationship with someone. I don't mention the sex stuff to advertise myself as a slut or whatever. It's just that treating women as a tool rather than a person seems part and parcel to the alt-right. (and make no mistake, if you're STILL supporting what Trump and Pence are doing, you're alt-right)
After 9/11, I started getting racist forwards from Jay. When I told him at length why I didn't want him sending me racist, anti-Muslim shit, he told me it was no big deal and not to get riled. Lately, Jay has been posting stuff on social media, then saying he doesn't want to discuss it. He deletes comments he doesn't agree with, and makes outlandish statements he can't defend with a single fact or verifiable example.
If Jay says something "happens equally on the left and right," Jay needs to back that shit up with at least two examples. Telling someone to "google it" when they ask you to defend some outlandish assertion you've made? No. If you know the facts of the point you're making, either state them or admit you don't have any.

Sure, it's not a lie to say that I get fired up about politics. The word "obnoxious" may not even be far off at times. While I've always done this, it's extra important now that so many poor/middle-class people are about to have their lives made a whole lot more difficult, dangerous, and full of denial of services.
On the off chance that one of my comments is deleted, I spend a few minutes considering whether I've been rude, off topic, or said something false. If none of those are the case though, I'm out. I don't have an interest in playing on an unlevel field. I have to do that in real life every day, so I'll be damned if I do it in conversations with friends. I won't discuss anything in a forum where dissent is silenced. Even if I'm not the one being silenced, I don't want any part of that.

These are the signs I've noticed in people turning toward the alt-right"
--Dislike for/distortion of PC Culture (being sensitive to the fact that not everyone is the same gender, religion, race, color, orientation, etc as you are, and that there's nothing wrong with that)
--Victim Blaming
--Vague admiration for how things "used to be," usually while forgetting many, many things from that era.
--Lumping people into groups and then into We and They.
--Being angry about things they can't explain ("Hillary did Benghazi" What do you mean? What do you think she did exactly? "Look it up, stoopit")
--Anti-woman sentiment (includes lying to wife/gf, trivializing or minimizing their concerns, slut-shaming, as well as basic rape culture stuff)
--Complaining about other people's English when they write like a sleepy toddler.
--Pro-confederacy or anti-BLM statements (including "it's my heritage")
--Distorting other people's statements to more easily discredit them
--Denying that they've said things they've said
--Refusing to take major news outlets seriously--including WaPo, NYT, and Reuters.
--Asking for explanations, then shouting over responses

Why is this important? Honestly, I wish it wasn't.
I wish this was as simple as "Oh, you like Reagan? I think he's a liar who doesn't give a shit about the poor, so I'm for Jimmy Carter." You can disagree for a bit and then talk about something else. Now, supporting DJT means thinking women should be punished for having an abortion, or that banning people from our country based on their religion is not just okay--but a step in the right direction. To support this administration, you have to either believe, or not care that the law will reflect beliefs, in misogyny, homophobia, racism, xenophobia, and that will ensure that most people will no longer be able to get treatment for illnesses or injuries regardless of their seriousness. Oh, and you have to be okay with Christianity (and ONLY Christianity) being taught in public schools.
I know I'm not exactly saying anything new here. But dammit, this is getting harder and harder as time goes on. I can't imagine the logic or reasoning of why a normal, educated adult would suddenly buy into that garbage. The answer has to be that it's not as sudden as I think it is...

Thinking I was clever by waiting until all the eps dropped, I signed up for some commercial-free Hulu so I could watch me some Handmaid's Tale. That book gave me serious nightmares. It was also the only Atwood I'd read until a coworker suggested that my not having read Oryx and Crake was a goddamn tragedy. Damn, that's a great series too.

But I digress...
The show is incredible. Elizabeth Moss is incredibly sympathetic as the Everywoman telling her story. Ann Dowd will break your brain as Aunt Lydia, who has an expanded role in this series--one that implies that the area housing survivors is smaller than the book led me to believe. In fact, I thought the book took care NOT to indicate that Gilead was the USA. Now I'll have to read it again. Of course, I see the value in making it America.

There's a lot to love about the show, even given the horrific subject matter. My fave thing though, is the music. At first I found it highly jarring that the show would end with modern music. Because the show itself has the look of something long ago--a colony for super oppressed Amish or Quaker people (pardon my ignorance at lumping them together), or something from the most repressive parts of the 1950s.
But that's the point. This shit didn't happen in a time before modern communication, or before people understood about gay issues or gender equality.

I wish they hadn't given Offred a name. The other movie did that too. They called her Kathryn. Here, she's June.

In other news, my new desk is huge and amazing. Will take some getting used to, since it led to a dramatic reduction in walkway space in the apartment. Maybe some day we'll get to move out of here.

Anyway, there are six more eps remaining, which means I'll be paying for Hulu for at least 2 months. Lucky them.

I'm taking a new medicine (no, it's not insulin) that comes in a pen. I give myself a shot in the stomach every morning, which isn't remotely as bone-chillingly horrible as it sounds. With these pens, you screw them into the pen and give the shot. Then you throw the needle part away and use a fresh one the next day.

After 2 weeks, I needed more "pen needles." I can't seem to get them. My pharmacy doesn't appear to have them, so my doc called them in to a medical supplier. They called me today to say that while they do have what I need, they can't take my insurance.

I said "Can I just get a week's worth and pay for it without the insurance? I just used my last one." The lady paused. I heard typing, and she came back with "No." I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. She repeated, "No, they're prohibitively expensive." And she said this to me AFTER reading that I have an Ann Arbor mailing address. This place is a shithole, but many people assume we have money because we have an Ann Arbor address.

Long story short, nobody seems able to help me get them.
Desperate, I look them up online so I can at least find out how much I need to scrape together to get them.

Come to find out, Amazon has a box of 100 for under $15.
What the hell?!?

I'm pondering this, because it happened the same week I got CPAP supplies from the local medical equipment supplier--MedEquip Ann Arbor, if you're wondering. The charge for one "gel mask with headgear" is $149. But I was charged an additional $50 (billing only, it said) for headgear. But guess what? I only got one headgear. I called the place, and they assured me several times that even thought it SAYS the $150 price covers headgear, they actually have to charge me an extra $50 for reasons they can't explain.

Guess what? Amazon sells the gel masks for $70 (without headgear) and $20 for the headgear. So they're charging more than twice what another retailer is for the same exact products. Same brands, models, everything.
When I asked about this, they explained that part of what I was paying for was "the convenience" of having them bill my insurance--which doesn't cover these full amounts. But it WOULD cover everything if they weren't overcharging me out the ass.

I'm not sure what I want to do about that. Can I bill my insurance for reimbursement for stuff I bought on Amazon? How does that even work?
It seems like this kind of fuckery is just another thing making health care shitty in America. If we had single payer, companies that overcharge by this much would never get a government contract and would have to either charge fairly or GTFO.

As many of you know, I've been blogging at Livejournal since 2002. When they sold their site to Russians who gave far less control over content, I started blogging at Dreamwidth and cross posting to LJ instead. I've always continued to read at both places, and to make sure my own posts make it there.

I have a pet conspiracy theory about Russia and our internet. It's one that seems increasingly true the more things happen in the world with President Cyka.  It seems super obvious to me that this Syria bombing is 100% fuckery to make us stop questioning DJT's many Russian connections.  And just like every time he gives a speech where he doesn't manage to sound like a sundowning mental patient...the media can't shut up about how "presidential" he's being.  STOP BEING FOOLED.

Even if he was being super Presidential, bombing some random base and killing civilians isn't going to make Assad suddenly be cooler to his own people.  Maybe if we were going to kill Assad or swoop in and take his Sarin and shit, that might make sense.  But we're not doing that.  We're shooting missiles that are killing civilians--in order to demonstrate how fucking awful it is to kill civilians.  And before anyone gives me that shit about how war has casualties, I'll remind you all that once again, we have not declared war.  As usual, we just started shooting shit up and daring the rest of the world to either join in or stop us.  And because most of the rest of the world aren't the buttinski's that we are, they don't.

Anyway...
I went over to Livejournal today to take down my account.  See, any digital info that's stored outside the US can legally be given to the CIA without any sort of authorization. So when I got a notice saying that there's a new TOS, I did not agree.  They also have a policy against "political solicitation."  I'm not 100% on what political solicitation involves, but I'm reasonably sure that I engage in it.  Even if I didn't, I'd prefer to have at least the semblance of privacy as I cling to the idea that no government agency is interested in what I'm getting up to online.  

My plan was absolutely to take my entire account down.  But in order to do that, I have to agree to the new TOS.  I do not agree, and I'm not about to say that I do.  If I agree, doesn't that mean they can keep a copy of all my old blogs?  But if I don't do anything, they already have my old blogs.  Presuming a reality where I've said things that would make Putin mad (like say, I do not like POTUS45 and think he's a lying cyka), I'd just as soon live in a world where that doesn't put me in danger.  I order a lot of delivery food, so poisoning me would be pretty easy.

And you know that guy loves to poison people.

For now, I'm not doing anything and will try to continue crossposting there.  Not sure if they'll let me though.  When I said "not now" to the new TOS, the only choice they gave me was "Log Out."  Pretty scary what happens inside of just a few years, right?  

Yeah, it's the same depression and doubt that happens all the time.
I'd been sleeping too much and tired all the time, even waking up often in the middle of the night. That hasn't happened much since I started using a CPAP. Turns out, my sinuses were stuffy and it was impeding my breathing. Since I still have decent health insurance, I got my nasal spray refilled and that's going well.

Speaking of insurance, if the ACA repeal goes through, I'll be fucked. Like a lot of you, it took me years of trial and error (in which I destroyed relationships, jobs, my own credibility, pursuing career goals, etc etc) to find a med combination that worked without debilitating side effects.
If the repeal goes into effect, no insurance company will be required to cover prescription drugs. Also, no mental health care so even if talk therapy was enough without meds (it isn't), I wouldn't even be able to see anyone for less than $200 an hour. My meds are not generic, so those would be at least $350 a month for one, and $750 a month for the other. That's not counting anything I take for blood pressure, which is some. A few of those are generic, which means I probably could afford enough to not die. But since I'll be making the lives of everyone around me miserable--that's not exactly a blessing.

Funny, since every time someone wants to talk about gun violence, the GOP explains that the "real" problem is inadequate mental health care. Their solution is to take away mental health care--not just for the 24 million people who will lose health care, but for the roughly 2/3 of us not rich enough to afford comprehensive plans and the giant deductibles they'll carry.

So yeah, that's gonna suck.
On the plus side, I might be heading toward a manic binge. Yeah, that sucks for my happiness and well being and all. But I'm getting actual fiction writing done. The screenplay is slowly happening, and short fictions are happening even faster.
I was able to put together a new collection bag for my Arizer today. Most of you probably don't know what that is or why it's awesome. But I assure you, it's a wee accomplishment that gives me a slight sense of pride.

For those of you who have never visited my home, I have a tiny desk on wheels on one side of my living room. H has the whole office to himself, and I work near the TV so I can do reviews and stuff. JoJo loves climbing all over the desk almost as much as he loves jumping off of it. But see, it's a cheap piece of crap. I've already bought it twice because the first one had a part snap off after 3 years. This one is about to bite the dust too, and I don't know what to do about it. Spending $70 on a new one would suck. But I can't keep Jojo away from it, so soon I won't have a choice. I'd rather spend twice that on one that won't need replacing in a few years.

I'm totally open to suggestions for any other movable desk that has a pull-out keyboard tray, and at least one shelf that won't be taken up by the monitor. This is what I'm using now.

Little help?

It's been a few days, so I think I'm finally ready to say something about the death of my favorite living actor, Bill Paxton. I'd always been a fan of his from stuff like Weird Science and Aliens which we saw over and over again when it came out--I was a junior in high school. Plus I remembered him from The Lords of Discipline. I thought he was so versatile and funny and amazing. He was credited as "Wild" Bill Paxton, which I thought was super awesome.


I didn't realize he was the guy from the Fish Heads video until much later. But I had always loved that vid. He directed it too, which seems insane until you remember that he started his Hollywood career in the art department on Roger Corman movies. I know, right?


I won't do a whole thing about his career, because most of you know all about it. You know about the amazing sci-fi horror trifecta. You know at least a dozen of his movies and at least that many of his famous lines. Maybe you didn't know that he played a Nazi in a Pat Benetar video (that also features Judge Reinhold as a good guy).

Shadows Of The Night - Pat Benatar by KamdenMason

I have to mention Frailty though, because finding out Bill could make a horror movie that blew my mind--I'm sure you can imagine how that made me feel. It was like his artistic spirit came into my TV (I couldn't afford to see it in the theatre) and hugged me. My favorite thing in any horror movie is when I honestly don't see it coming...


...(and it makes sense), and with Frailty, I didn't. So bold, brave, intense for a first time feature director. Paxton said that he always wanted to direct a classic. As a horror fan, I have to say that he did.


When I woke up Sunday morning and checked my communique, I got seven texts and two Emails letting me know that Bill Paxton had died. Still, I spent a few seconds frantically wondering who could have organized such an unfunny prank on me. He has a new show--it JUST STARTED. He looked totally healthy in it. Bill Paxton smoked cigs for a long time, and he probably drank some. But he wasn't some kind of self-abuser. I couldn't believe it. I burst into tears so hard that I scared H, who thought a friend or a family member must have died. I couldn't even speak. I just handed him my iPod touch and he looked at it, then at me, and said "Oh no...honey, I'm sorry."


People called him an "everyman," which I suppose is true to a point. No matter what kind of character he played, you kind of felt like you could see a little of yourself in him. He helped us identify with his characters, even if they were totally shitty. I mean, what kind of idiot takes on a Predator with a handgun, I ask you? Paxton wasn't just a horror guy, but he obviously was a fan. He wasn't just a smartass, or a jokester, or a family movie guy--he was all of that and more. He was tons of things most of us will never know about. And everybody loved him. Everybody who knew him.

Bill Paxton took shit seriously--the art, the work in general, his family, his fans. He was a good sport and an awesome person. Generous with fellow actors and good to his crew. Nobody spoke ill of him. Even when he found out his ancestors owned slaves, he handled it with grace and without bullshit. I adored him. I really did. Like, it's probably a good thing I didn't rescue him if he crashed his plymouth in a snowstorm. Because I was his Number One Fan. I also should have been one of his wives on Big Love, because seriously.

Because I have a rich inner fantasy life, I always imagined that someday I'd meet Bill Paxton. I'd tell him how much I liked Frailty, and he would be impressed with my passion for, and knowledge of film. I imagine most of us want to think our heroes would like us, and this was especially true in this case. Plus, he was so damn handsome.

Goodbye, Sir. I'm sorry I'll never meet you.
I thank you for a lifetime of work that will stay with us forever.

After music, architecture, incense, and free wine, the best thing about Catholicism is the Friday night Fish Fry. It was a joyous event back when my family was pretending to be Catholic to get lower rates at St Mary Magdalen school.

These fish frys featured thick cuts of cod filet, deep fried (or deep fried earlier in the day and then baked). They came with, as you'd expect, fries and slaw. It was fantastically delicious.

Most Catholic churches don't do these anymore. If they do, it's only during lent or when people aren't ponying up at the collection plate. So if I want fish fry fish, I have to seek it out at a restaurant. There are a few around here who have pretty good fish & chips, but it's hit or miss since restaurants pop up and disappear on the regular.

What I want to know is--why can't I get fish like this that I can cook at home? Surely these people are getting it from somewhere. But I've never been to a store, even a decent restaurant supply store, where they have these for sale. If I found them, I'd even spring for the good tartar sauce (the kind that only comes in tiny packets now, because Kraft doesn't sell the good tartar sauce to the general public. They won't tell me why). Alas, no dice.

I've decided to pretend that I can't get the fish I want because it's a Catholic conspiracy. Something about saving unborn babies-- maybe the fish is another way of symbolically devouring the flesh and blood of the Christ. Seems like something I should write about...but is there really a fresh angle on that?

So much annoyance.

Power and internet took turns going out all friggin' weekend. That's dumb, because I certainly don't need help NOT getting any work done. So I'm working today and tomorrow instead of taking some much needed time to work on the outline for my screenplay.

Yeah, I'm taking another stab at this screenplay, this time with a writing partner.

Our door buzzer has been broken for more than a week. Given the impatience of the UPS guy, I've missed a package or two. Just review stuff, but still. A week is a long time for a maintenance request...or was until we lived in this shithole.

Looking at houses bears no fruit. I fear that we'll be trapped here forever.

Somehow, my website/Email domain expired. I thought everything was automatic, but some bullcrap happened and my site was down for almost a week. Lame. Worse, I use that Email for tons of vital work stuff. So it also kept me from getting paid. Imagine my surprise when my bank account was suddenly down to single digits.

All things considered, this is minor shit. Aside from having to pay bank overdraft fees when automatic payments go through, none of this causes more than extreme annoyance.

In other news, droves of politically engaged people are taking long breaks from social media. I understand why that's necessary because this shit is exhausting. But I also think that's what evil people rely on...decent people being too tired and frustrated to keep fighting.

Whelp, it was fun having a president who didn't make me ashamed to be an American. I mean, look at what we've had to deal with just in my lifetime.

Jimmy Carter was awesome, but treated badly due to his "soft" nature. See, when I was a kid, it was Democrats who said we should be a "Christian nation," by which they meant feeding the poor and housing the homeless. Like many things between Republicans and Democrats, this has completely flipped. Now the GOP co-opts religion for their own purposes, but apparently THEIR Jesus has no interest in feeding people or helping them have homes. Now religion means anti-gay legislation and the closing of family planning clinics. Because...god is love?

Then Reagan. Now, I think he was a pretty terrible president, policy-wise. He funded terrorists and talked a lot of smack about the poor and gays. His wife was even worse. But at least Reagan made rich people pay their taxes. Can't get that nowadays. As much as I disliked Reagan, I wasn't humiliated at the idea that he represented my country.

Bush Sr should never have been POTUS in the first place, mainly because he ran the CIA. That's not cool. If you ever work in a big box retailer, they have a particular way the money is sorted at the end of the day. One guy calculates how much money their should be, while someone else counts how much money there is. This is to prevent theft and chicanery. Apparently, the United fucking States of America needed no such safeguards.

Clinton. Awesome guy, down to earth. Solid policies, great economic growth. All he had to do was say "Actually, what I do with my penis is not relevant to how I run the country. Next questions?" But no...he had to do a stupid lying tapdance that eventually made him a laughing stock. That sucked.

Bush 2. Do I even need to explain this one? He and Rick Perry should do a road movie where they blunder their way across the country, occasionally getting schooled by the people they've sought to oppress.

Obama. *sky opens and rainbows so bright they keep us from seeing all the drone strikes, still open Guantanamo, and lack of single payer healthcare* Yaaaay!!! So eloquent, so unwilling to cheat on his wife, so personable...

And now...this.
I still don't get it. I don't care how poor you are, how angry you feel about political-correctness (AKA basic human decency), or how really racist you are. You'd have to be monstrously stupid to think a man like Drumpf is actually interested in helping the poor and middle class. There is no metric by which Betsy DeVos, Rick Perry, Jeff Sessions, or Ben Carson are good choices for goddamn anything. You might as well put Charles Manson in charge of youth outreach, and maybe Yosemite Sam as a liaison to the NRA.

In other news, now might be a good time to buy a set of encyclopedias. People laugh at having a set of books collecting known knowledge of the world. But see, a set of encyclopedias is a snapshot of the world as we know it. It's supposed to lack bias. But if you've ever read an encyclopedia from say, the 60s, some of the biases are much more evident now. The America we enjoy now and the one we'll be left with in 20/20 may be markedly different. Might be nice to have a hard copy to compare and contrast.

I don't actually have much to say, but feel compelled to post here a few times a month.

Decided not to move my Email to a cheaper server, mainly because I don't know what the hell I'm doing and don't want to risk fucking up my...basically everything because I'm trying to save $60 a year.

It's almost tax time. I always hate tax time, but this year will be even dumber than usual because we got stiffed by a client and had to have a fundraiser to stave off homelessness. I really hate that dude still BTW. While I don't literally hope he dies in a fire, I do smile when I think of him barely escaping an all-consuming fire while losing everything he has. Because fuck him and his lying, ignorant ass.

Work. I have a lot of it. Much of it is not even boring. Some of it, I'm not even behind on. But I'm no closer to having a novel to write than I was at this time last year...or the year before. I have no inspiration, no idea that I feel passionate about. That might mean I'm not really a writer--because wouldn't a REAL writer push through that and create something anyway? Maybe a REAL writer wouldn't blog about nothing while actually giving a fuck what anyone thinks a REAL anything is. Or as Kyle would say: What if I'm not real?

Right now I'm working on a list of made-forTV horror movies for ScreenRant, a 2016 horror TV recap for 411Mania, plus Gotham comes back next week. I've also got some SEO stuff due soon, and a piece about Splooshing for Kinkly. I was able to pay this year's HWA dues, which keeps me looking like a serious professional for the next 12 months.

Also, when I go outside--it's cold. Unpleasantly so.

It's well-known by all literate people that I am not a fan of the Great Orange Cyka-Elect. (Look it up, it's a Russian word, and it's hilarious) But now, he has reached the subjective and fabled land of TOO FAR.

On December 14th, I asserted copyright over the word "Unpresidented." The context was the vain hope that the Electoral College would do what it was designed to do--rescue us from a Nazi-enabling rapist who's already in bed with the Russians. They didn't. Of course there are great arguments on both sides of this, none of which I'm going to detail here.
Because that's not the point of this post.

The point is that Drumpf stole my word. Funny, since I rarely consider myself rich enough to rob. His stupid misspelled Tweet that inadvertently turned MY word into a hashtag has stolen my internet thunder, hasn't it? Okay, no it probably hasn't. It's still hilarious though. I should probably just be happy that he didn't put my beautiful word in the same Tweet as a white supremacist or a lady unfavorably rated with Drumpf's numeric system that lets us all know which chicks he'd sexually assault if there were no cameras. But I digress.

"Unpresidented" is my word. My word. Mine! Down down, go go, mine. *jumps up and down like Daffy Duck during a tantrum*

Besides, once Drumpf is impeached or resigns in a huff because some high school newspaper criticized his latest racist speech--we can all use the word "Unpresidented" again. Hope to see you all then. ;-)

Okay, we all know that President Drumpf is going to be a nightmare wrapped in a clusterfuck, wrapped in a urine-soaked hellscape. Chances are, we'll completely lose our ability to feel outrage by the first State of the Union address.

And yet...there are people who are going out of their way to make the best out of what promises to be nonstop global embarrassment. And for these things, we thank you:

The crackdown on fake news. Eventually, most of us were fooled by some "news" story that was at best, an exaggeration and at worst, flat out fiction. Sure, one could argue that a fake-news crackdown now is too little too late. But at least this isn't like guns where we get angry about it over and over but never actually take steps to address the problem. People are now being given the tools they need to recognize fake news from the real deal. Who knows, maybe that will inspire more news sites to stop being such lying liars. They might even start editing stories or hiring actual journalists to write them.

The Obama Biden memes. These are just delightful. It's nice being reminded that pretty much everyone woke is horrified by Drumpf's mean-spirited incompetence.

TIME magazine trolling the hell out of Drumpf with their Person of the Year cover. My gods, this is hilarious. He's touring the country thanking his fans and bragging about how awesome he is (and how it should still be MAN of the year. I agree on one point though, as calling POTUS-E a "person" is a bit of a stretch) while they're putting horns on his head and literally illustrating that he's all just for show.

Jon Stewart's new show on HBO. I don't know that this was a direct result of the election. I'm just glad it's happening.

All the jokes about who Drumpf is appointing to this or that. The Joker in charge of law enforcement in Gotham. Cruella DeVille heading a national ASPCA committee. Hell, maybe if I stop insulting him on Twitter, POTUS-E will put me in charge of the DEA. Just think of all the cool shit I could steal from civilia--...I mean, legally confiscate and "destroy." Seriously though, the fact that we can all still make genuinely funny jokes about it (the internets, not me necessarily) reminds us all that a) we're in it together, and b) most Americans don't think this is okay.

Yeah...most Americans don't think any political party should conspire with the Russians. FFS, Putin is so old-school that he's still poisoning his enemies like he's living in ancient Rome. Nor do most people think we should be on the same side as the KKK. If there's any good reason to remind ourselves that Drumpf lost the popular vote by a large margin, it's so we can remember that Americans are still basically good. We should also remember to work toward making voting easier. How do we go about that?

We know deep down that the Electoral College probably will not grow a collective conscience and save us from Drumpf. Despite the fact that he lost the popular vote. Despite the fact that he clearly colluded with Russia, and has no plan to give up his business interests in any meaningful way. Despite the fact that...well, no point on going over all that again.
But if it turned out that the EC does have a purpose...or just in case they do rescue us from Drumpftastrophe...I'd like to assert copyright on the word:
Unpresidented
Get it? Because this never would have happened before in our lifetime, AND the KKKlandidate-in-cheif would be un-presidented. Ha HA!

In the end, things in our beloved nation look bad. But it's not all bad. And we're damn sure not powerless.

My annual party is this Saturday, two days from now. The apartment is crazy-clean thanks mostly to H. Tomorrow I gotta start cooking things.

Making a big batch of Aztec brownies. That's regular milk chocolate brownies with a heap of bhut Jolokia powder, and a swirl of cream cheese for contrast. They're awesome.

Also, two tres leches cakes. There will be two so one can be out while the other is in the fridge. People are coming by as early as 3pm, though the actual party doesn't start until 7pm. That's white cake soaked in three types of milk (in this case cream, sweetened condensed, and evaporated, though I might scrap one of those in favor of coconut. Not sure yet).

I'm also doing some flavorful refried beans in the crock pot. Those will have tortillas and chips to go with, in case people want bean burritos.

Then there will be a big thing of salsa with tons of fresh veg, and scoopy chips.

We always seem to have booze around here even though neither of us drinks really. There are a few hard lemonades around here, plus some Southern Comfort and wine and stuff.

Also, we're NOT talking about Politics. At all. None. Zero.
Because it's a party goddammit.