Whaddaya MEAN You've Never Heard of Me?!?

There is a community here at Lj called bookfails. It is, as you might imagine, a place to snark about sucky books. They also make some claim about being non-snarky. As if it's possible to have a community of polite, well-mannered haters. But I digest {sic}. Right now there are a bunch of jerks over there snarking about how Catcher in the Rye "fails" because Holden is a "whiner." Me being me, I am choking on my own rage at that. I explain that Holden is mentally ill and that mental illness isn't a delightful romp into funland {sic}. Someone even said "I get the point, but I feel like I'm trapped in his mind and I don't like it." Well DUH! He's also trapped, and no, it isn't pleasant. By all means, dislike the book if you want to. But if Holden isn't likable because he's a whiner--? I guess that means Helter Skelter also fails because Manson is a jerk. Ditto Silence of the Lambs--if you reduce Lecter to just being an asshole. Eating people is so...rude!

I've had to use the {sic} thing a lot lately, because there are some windbags out there who think that the dramatic license I take with The Language {sic} means I have the grammatical skill of a day-dreaming 6th grader. Note: a first person narrative of a crazy person is not going to jibe with the totality of say, Elements of Style, or the Harbrace Handbook. It just isn't. Wouldn't be truthy. Nothing is more important than truthiness, especially in horror.
My debut novel, as you readers know, has a few errors in it. Three typos, by my count--though someone once told me they saw four. I imagine that it can be tricky to tell when I'm taking a deliberate liberty and when my miserable excuse for an editor fucked up. However, asserting that there are "dozens" of errors on the "first few pages" tells me that you...well, that you don't really get it. If you think something is, for example, a malapropism, it's probably something you're supposed to appreciate rather than brandish your red pen about.

My concern with asserting that people don't get it is that a) it's pretentious as hell, b) that when people say that, it's usually a front for them being either batshit crazy or dumb as a post. And c) it calls to mind criminals and careless or malicious types who say people can't handle them because they're "too real." It can be a fine line between not getting something and just plain disliking it. That's something I'll be pondering a great deal in this new year. Listening to people say that Catcher in the Rye fails because people with mental illness can be "annoying" fills me with dread about the future of all humanity, and makes me want to clarify that difference between liking something and understanding it (which I guess is totally subjective given the number of people who think Tony Soprano did not die in the series finale).

There are grammatical or punctuation errors I make a lot; they are ingrained habits by now. I'm slowly relearning. I spelled their as "thier" for much of my life--no one ever corrected me--even in college (thanks, Dr Walther). I tend to add apostrophes to words that don't need them, plurals for example. Occasionally, people will notice this and say something like Yeah, you must be a great writer dripping with sarcasm as if a grammatical error keeps someone from telling a truthy or captivating or important story. At the same time, I have trouble taking people seriously when they post about "there family" or retort with "your an idiot." So I guess YMMV so far as all that goes.

As I've mentioned, I'll be starting a new novel soon. It will build off the zombie story I began in 1995 and turned into a very short running zombie rock opera that wasn't very good. Like much of my work, it was mostly about me working some shit out. And zombies. I don't think anything on Earth scares me as much as zombies. My mom is less scary than zombies. Sharks, grizzly bears, fundies, poisonous spiders...all pale in comparison to a legion of undead. Honest.
My life has changed a great deal since 1995, so probably only the basics of the story will remain: some characters, some plot points, and zombies. My epilogue may have to change because my horrific pregnant-with-a-zombie-baby scene was co-opted by Zack Snyder in his excellent remake of Dawn of the Dead. My old buddy Finster gave me a splendid idea for a plot point that I will be incorporating in one way or another. It's juicy stuff! He are SMRT {sic}.

Oh yeah...Stephen King's Skeleton Crew came in the mail today, along with The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum. The former is one of my all-time favorite anthologies (along with King's Night Shift, his Different Seasons and Skipp and Spektor's Book of the Dead zombie anthologies. Skeleton Crew is filled with short stories that stayed with me basically forever. It also includes The Mist which became one of my top FIVE Stephen King movie adaptations (Carrie, Misery, Salem's Lot, Pet Sematary) immediately upon its release. So yay for that. The Girl Next Door was recommended to me by several of you LJ peeps. I'm pretty sure it's loosely based on the true story of that girl from Indiana. *shudder* I guess it's also been made into a movie, but I want to read the book first.

I know I say this about a lot of things, but this disease could certainly be the precursor to a zombie outbreak. Not to mention, it makes you think you've got bugs on you...what's funnier than that (in a sterotypically insane kinda way) ???

As the disease progresses patients develop a craving for human flesh and an intense desire to shop at the mall.


But in all seriousness...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!


And in Is it a "Pizzly or a Grolar" Bear news, it has been confirmed that that big ol' bear they shot was indeed a rare Polar Grizzly hybrid. Of course, we can't really learn a whole lot about it's beahavior, temperment or breeding patterns because they shot it. I thought polar bears were protected and you weren't supposed to hunt them? Even if you're looking to shoot a bear (and why would you be?) once you see that it's all white and such, you must know then that it isn't a grizzly, no?

I guess I just can't get behind the shooting of bears for "sport" and I don't know enough about bear populations to know if it's neccessary to cull them to keep them from starving (like deer--I'm a Michigander). The whole idea is just so sad...
But I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a new type of bear emerge.

Dear Discovery Channel:

I was delighted to hear that you would be showing the documentary Grizzly Man on TV because I had not seen it yet and really wanted to. Even though I can no longer use the computer and watch TV at the same time (I know...it sucks), I made sure I was in front of my TV to watch.

However, I can't help but notice that you are taking 3 hours to show a movie that is only 1 hour and 43 minutes long. This means we're getting over 1 hour and fifteen minutes of commercials. So I ask: are you fucking kidding me?!?

Alright dammit, you win. I'll buy the damn DVD when I get some monies.

Also, Tim Treadwell (if that IS your real name--which it isn't) was a goddamn crazy man. I daresay he makes envornmentalists look like nut-jobs and two bears and a bright young woman got killed because of his ego. Of course the woman should have known what she was in for...but damn.

Did anyone else notice that they died their 13th summer there?
It's enough to give anyone a case of Triskadekophobia. I'm just saying...

I must tell you, I blame many people for my obsessive reading on Grizzlies and Grizzly Bear attacks over the last day or so. First, I blame Timothy Treadwell for being so flamboyantly bear-loving and attracting attention to both sides of the issue. Side one being that bears are cool and people should like them. Side two being that like active volcanoes, bears may hurt you if you try to hug them.

Getting freindly with other pagans has certainly acquainted me with the noble bear. Plus seeing the black bears up close with K and N on vacation was utterly amazing. If a black bear attacks you, you could very well die. If a brown bear attacks you, you will almost certainly be killed and eaten.

In fact, Brown Bears (also called Grizzlies in case you don't watch nature shows) are among a very elite group of animals that actually will attack and kill humans for food. Unlike sharks who generally let us go after one bite, and snakes who will poison us but cannot possibly eat us...when male brown bears kill people they are usually found to be starving later on. Then of course, there is the whole mama bear protecting the cubs thing. But that is pretty obvious and not really unique to bears although they are damn good at that whole thing.

Anyway, I won't post it here because I can't quite bring myself to; but if you google "Grizzly Attack" there is a most horrible picture of a guy whose leg has been pretty much devoured by a bear. Coudl be Treadwell, could be not. Probably not because it doesn't say. In case you can't tell, I'm fascinated by this.

Finally saw this movie tonight, as it was on cable. Damn, it was awesome.
I always mean to watch more anime, but never quite get around to it.

U of M football starts tomorrow, we may still brave the roads in an attempt to catch a matinee showing of Hero. I might just stay home and bake bread. Crowds are horrible and scary. Although, I'm sure hero kicks ass, and it would be fun to see Jeremy.

www.LjDrama.org sucks anymore. It used to be hilarious drama from all over the web. Now it's a bunch of crap about Lj abuse and people getting banned...like anyone gives a rat's ass. There're only a zillion places to blog out there--why get snide with people who work hard to make LJ a cool place to be?

I've been thinking about bears some more, and the differences between grizzlies and brown bears. I think I like the brown bears best, grizzlies are fucking scary.

This all sounds pretty insipid. I just needed to empty my head out before going to bed.

There is some new stuff on the JK Rowling site. As usual, the Leaky Cauldron site has the straight dope on all things Potter. It appears that Petunia Dursley is not a squib, therefore Dudley is NOT the Half Blood Prince. Neither is Hagrid, nor Harry, not Voldemort. So who the heck can it be? I suppose we know nothing of Dumbeldore's parentage, nor that of Peter Pettigrew, nor Lupin. We also know that Seamus Finnegan is half blood...oooh, that's a good possibility now that I think of it. Okay, enough of that. I'm going to bed.

Well, I don't think I'm really the person to ask. I thought I'd be interacting with people, helping them...you know, the way one might make a difference in someones life thru the magic of caring. Okay, I conceed that maybe that was a stupid idea, and i was hoping to get a whole bunch of self-validation and feel-gooditude from a single encounter.

Needless to say, that did not happen.

Firstly, the inside of the place reminds me of rehab, hospitals, and any other place where poor people hang out and everything is done in the most cost effective way possible. I'm not ripping on the place, it beats prison or a cardboard box...but its a damn depressing atmosphere. Yes, If I had a brain in my head, I would have seen that coming.

Secondly, it was hot. Very, very hot. Over 80 degrees inside. Those of you who know me in real life have probably never seen me in that temperature. I don't like it. It is not comfortable. 'But Wednes,' you might think, 'it's a shelter, and its unreasonable for you to expect it to be air conditioned'. Well fie! Because the whole rest of the place was nice and cool, and the floor I was on was Africa Hot. Sadly, this is also the floor where people who don't have beds yet are trying to sleep on hard plastic chairs. I did not envy them.

Thirdly, the midnight shift is a job which entails watching people sleep (I can now identify the Snores of Many Lands), changing sheets and folding towels. In fact, I did 7 loads of laundry, and learned how to use one of those giant-ass dryers like in Magdalen Sisters. I also read half a book and taught my supervisor how to play Pinball of the Dead on my GBA.

Last but not least the guy at Nightride (to get the low price cab fare home because the busses are not running) was totally rude to me when I gave him the shelters address for pick up. AND they made me pay upfront, which I have only been asked to do one other time, and it was when H was with me. It is not right to think a homeless person is more dishonest (and likely to stiff a cabbie) than any other person.

On my way home, I realized I had received a phone call from madush69 offering me company and some White Castles. If you're reading this, Dan, I'll be around Thursday night so raincheck me! We're not leaving for "up north" until late Friday or early Saturday, I know not which yet. I can't wait to see the bear sanctuary . Plus it will be only my 3rd foray into the part of Michigan that does NOT look like a mitten.

What Is Your Animal Personality?
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There is an episode of Leave it to Beaver where Beav is supposed to write a poem for school, and he and Ward work on it. But it starts getting late and Beav has to go to bed, so Ward writes the poem for him (after specifically telling June he wouldn't do that). So Beaver copies the poem and hands it in at school. Next thing you know, Beaver is supposed to get an award for a poem actually written by Ward. This presents a moral connundrum for Ward, who can't let Beaver take credit for something he didn't do. More difficult still is the fact that Beaver thinks he wrote the poem, because he helped and copied it himself. What is Ward to do?

Well, they wrap it up in 30 minutes with writing that would put most family show writers to shame. And its all very moral and filled with good old fashioned American values.

My point?

Well, Beavers poem was about Bears, so I thought of that just now.

What do you want from me?
It's after 4 in the morning!