The Roomies

Jan. 27th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Patrick Kearney

About a year ago I moved in with childhood best friend and his husband. We’re all in our mid-thirties. It’s been going great, and I consider the three of us to be fairly close. About a month ago, the husband and I stopped at the local pharmacy on the way home, which is how our … Read More »

The post The Roomies appeared first on Dan Savage.

Ah. The Gardener.

Jan. 27th, 2026 12:00 pm
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Posted by Nancy Hartunian

Have we reached peak poly drama? A queer woman has been open with her male live-in partner, having lots of great sex with him and others. The problem? His cat won’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t feel jealous of the humans in their lives, but this cat! A widowed 81 year-old woman has … Read More »

The post Ah. The Gardener. appeared first on Dan Savage.

[syndicated profile] rudepundit_feed

Posted by Unknown

As I said nearly a year ago, it's clarifying when you decide that those who are doing harm are simply evil. You stop looking for explanations for their terrible violence or goals for their open criminality and you accept that sometimes people are just evil and should be treated like they're evil. We are one year into the second administration of Donald Trump, and we are reaping the whirlwind of the evil he and his monstrous enablers commit. It is killing this country in ways big and small, one of those cancers that metastasized so quickly that you realize it's gone from your skin to your bones before you ever even identified the disease. 

This weekend in Minneapolis, we saw the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end of the Trump administration's barbaric war against immigrants and anyone who opposes the war against immigrants. On Friday, the general strike that had been called in Minnesota as a response to the murder of Renee Good was a huge success, with thousands marching in the -20 temperatures and hundreds of businesses, schools, and offices closing in support. On Saturday, the morning murder of Alex Pretti by Border Patrol agents (who have no reason at all nor the legal authority to even be in Minneapolis, which isn't within 100 miles of a border) was such a brazen act of criminality that it shook even those not previously shaken by Good's killing (which was equally brazen but motherfuckers who have drunk the MAGA chowder deeply couldn't get their heads around it and decided that they couldn't see what all of us with eyes could). 

The videos of Pretti's killing, shot as many as ten times while on his knees and then on his back, left no room at all through which you could squeeze your ideological blinders. It was clear that the gun Pretti legally was carrying was taken from him before the shooting and that he had never had it in his hand to threaten the BP officers who had shoved a woman to the ground and pepper-sprayed her and Pretti. It doesn't help the disinformation campaign in full swing now that Pretti was an ICU nurse at a VA hospital, beloved by his co-workers and patients. Every single video analysis shows that he was filming ICE and BP actions as a legal observer (as all observers are), not interfering in any way, and the porcine chodes in their douche vests and punk ass masks decided to fuck with him and the woman near him. The chodes surround him and beat him as he tries to cover up from the blows and then one of the chodes pistol whips him after another chode takes his gun. Every single video analysis shows the gun being taken. Every single video shows he was not a threat. Every single video shows he was fucking executed like it was a mob hit, just like Renee Good. The Border Patrol and ICE are a bunch of gutless thugs who want to murder some libs and don't have the balls to try without a uniform on. 

And yet...the simpering, smarmy fuck stains from Homeland Security and right-wing media insist that Pretti was a "domestic terrorist" who was "assaulting" the murderous BP officers, who, as dick dribble of doom Greg Bovino said, are the real "victims" and that Pretti and Good were "suspects." Except they weren't. See, to be a "suspect," one has to have a crime to suspect them of committing prior to approaching them. We all know who the criminals were and they had taped over badges and hidden faces. Along with Bovino's bullshit, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem said Pretti was there "to perpetuate violence" like he was a puppy that whined too much, and slithering vermin fucker Stephen Miller did his dance of disinformation like the Nazi spoogebucket he is. 

But it's not working this time. For one thing, the people of Minneapolis are goddamned warriors and they deserve every bit of support they can get. They haven't backed down, and, if anything, each assault against their city and their fellow Minnesotans has made them even more pissed off and engaged. The other thing is that the Trumpistas went too far in condemning Pretti for having a gun, which, again, he had a legal permit to carry. FBI Director and man who looks like he just sharted in front of Sydney Sweeney, Kash Patel, said on some Sunday gab show, "You cannot bring a firearm, loaded, with multiple magazines to any sort of protest that you want. It's that simple. You don't have a right to break the law." 

Except Pretti wasn't breaking any laws, and you can, in fact, bring a firearm to a protest if you live in a state that allows open or concealed carry of firearms. And that's gotten the gun nuts all up in, well, arms.  And that's made them take another look at the videos of the execution of Pretti. And they don't like what they see. See, MAGA and Trump only succeed when people don't have any actual beliefs, but gun humpers are true believers in their perverse interpretation of the 2nd Amendment. Fuck with that and they will let you fucking know. These are the pricks who worshipped Kyle Rittenhouse bringing his assault weapon to murder a protester. They have one thing they are consistent on, so, hey, welcome to the party, assholes. Yeah, it is constitutional overreach. Now let's work together to stop it.

You need to remember, though, that we are dealing with evil motherfuckers in the Trump administration. And they are going to keep escalating until something, somehow stops them. I don't think we can last until January of next year, assuming that Democrats win back at least the House in the midterm elections. That's why I say it's the end of the beginning. If they can make it worse, they will. 

But, goddamn, this murder and the blatant, obvious lies and the reaction to those lies (including the New York Times saying flat out that the Trump administration is "lying") and the passion of the people in Minneapolis and other places under attack, makes me think it might be the beginning of the end. Hell, Chuck Schumer and the Senate Democrats have said they will not support DHS funding in this week's appropriations vote, which might end up partially shutting down the government. 

So maybe, just maybe, it's the beginning of the end. Surely, there will be more violence. Idiots with guns will always be idiots. And surely there will be more resistance. We are shaken but unbowed.

And it all comes back to Trump, too. If he decides the optics of execution by death squad aren't helpful to whatever the fuck he things he's doing, then he might fire Bovino or Noem as a sacrifice to save face. But, most likely, he'll figure out what the most dickish, evil thing he can do is, and just fucking do that.

After Action Report #13

Jan. 23rd, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

Louis, a self proclaimed cuddle-slut, found exactly what he wanted at the Liquid Love event. Hear ALL about it. If you have a SENSUAL tale to tell, scribble it down and send it in to Q@Savage.Love with the subject line: After Action Report. We’ll make you a star!

The post After Action Report #13 appeared first on Dan Savage.

[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Dan Savage

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to comments — just a few — from readers and listeners. I also share a letter that won’t be included in the column and invite my readers to give some advice. There were lots of moving comments about my response to PBO in this week’s Savage … Read More »

The post STRUGGLE SESSION: Double Dippers and No Labels appeared first on Dan Savage.

The Parent Trap

Jan. 20th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Patrick Kearney

I’m a gay man in my fifties, comfortable in my skin, but I suffered severe bullying throughout school, which was often abetted by teachers. A recent class reunion prompted me to write a tell-all letter to the current school director regarding that trauma. His gracious response was incredibly healing. My family has accepted me since I came … Read More »

The post The Parent Trap appeared first on Dan Savage.

A Thong is Always a Thong

Jan. 20th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

What is the polite way to ask someone to clean their teeth and deal with their neglected oral hygiene? A man’s girlfriend wants him to ignore her sexually, and focus exclusively on himself. But he wants to give her pleasure. How can they reconcile this? On the Magnum, have humans always been kinky? If the … Read More »

The post A Thong is Always a Thong appeared first on Dan Savage.

[syndicated profile] rudepundit_feed

Posted by Unknown

It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, or "That day when conservatives say that one line from King and pretend that's all he ever said." Or, really, considering how the entirety of the MAGA movement, pissy politicians and prickish pundits, are simply denying that civil rights laws are needed, maybe they'll just ignore King altogether. 

It might be best for the motherfuckers to not fake it because, see, they get so much wrong about the "content of character" line from MLK. Just as a reminder, he most famously said it in his "I Have a Dream" speech at the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963 and this is the full line: "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." 

The way that line is interpreted so often by the right is that non-white people will somehow magically earn the right not to be judged by skin color by white people. Except there's a flip side to that, and it's something King would expand on in later work in the last few years of his too-short life. See, it's not just non-white people who are judged by their skin color, but also whites by non-whites. White people were (and are) the fucking problem when it comes to race relations, and King was also implying that they needed to step up if they didn't want color to be the most defining characteristic.

In a keynote speech at the American Psychological Association's annual convention in September 1967, King spoke about the role of social scientists in the fight for civil rights, and he was pretty goddamn clear about who needed some character-building:

"White America needs to understand that it is poisoned to its soul by racism and the understanding needs to be carefully documented and consequently more difficult to reject. The present crisis arises because although it is historically imperative that our society take the next step to equality, we find ourselves psychologically and socially imprisoned. All too many white Americans are horrified not with conditions of Negro life but with the product of these conditions-the Negro himself.

"White America is seeking to keep the walls of segregation substantially intact while the evolution of society and the Negro's desperation is causing them to crumble. The white majority, unprepared and unwilling to accept radical structural change, is resisting and producing chaos while complaining that if there were no chaos orderly change would come."

Later in the speech, talking about rioting and discussing how the product of it was damage to property and not people despite the violence against the bodies of Black people, King quoted Victor Hugo: "If a soul is left in the darkness, sins will be committed. The guilty one is not he who commits the sin, but he who causes the darkness."

And he explained, "The policymakers of the white society have caused the darkness; they create discrimination; they structured slums; and they perpetuate unemployment, ignorance and poverty. It is incontestable and deplorable that Negroes have committed crimes; but they are derivative crimes. They are born of the greater crimes of the white society. When we ask Negroes to abide by the law, let us also demand that the white man abide by law in the ghettos. Day-in and day-out he violates welfare laws to deprive the poor of their meager allotments; he flagrantly violates building codes and regulations; his police make a mockery of law; and he violates laws on equal employment and education and the provisions for civic services. The slums are the handiwork of a vicious system of the white society; Negroes live in them but do not make them any more than a prisoner makes a prison. Let us say boldly that if the violations of law by the white man in the slums over the years were calculated and compared with the law-breaking of a few days of riots, the hardened criminal would be the white man."

King would fuck MAGA's shit up because he would look at what's happening in Minneapolis and point out that the real criminals aren't the workers and parents and children trying to live meaningful, peaceful lives. No, you can figure out who the villains are by the violence they use to terrify and punish people for just existing. And I believe he would demand widespread civil disobedience, leading it himself. 

As I've said every MLK Day for over 20 years, King was a radical, and the effort to erase his radicalism is one of the successes of the conservative revision of American history. While our hateful leaders pretend that we moved beyond the need for laws protecting the rights of non-whites, as MAGA freaks irrationally scream about "diversity" like it means "holocaust," we have to remember that the job of a society is to lift people up, or it's not worth saving.

The Current Friday Five

Jan. 16th, 2026 09:46 pm
ofearthandstars: A single tree underneath the stars (Default)
[personal profile] ofearthandstars
From this week's [community profile] thefridayfive:

1. If you could change one life-changing event in the life of someone important to you, would you?
Yes, 100%, if only to take away their pain. Alas, I am not a time traveler, and we know about the risks to the timeline. So I can only hope distance and time will heal the wounds.

2. Which do you think is easier to do, being friends for many years, or being life partners for many years?
Isn't this one and the same? If a life partner is not a friend of the deepest sort, then what are they? If a friend walks with you through all the periods of mistakes and despair and growths, are they not a life partner? Of course, some friends, and some life partners, are with you for only the time you get.

3. Have you ever walked away from someone you considered a friend?
I cannot recall having ever walked away from a friendship, but I have lost them, and I have chosen to not pursue lost friendships that were creating more friction than joy. If that's walking away...well, I have learned that I do not have to be loved or even liked by others to have worth. I can move forward.

4. If you had to choose between telling the truth and hurting a friend or lying and making them happy, which would you choose?
I have withheld information, which is a form of a lie, but it was to avoid harm rather than to induce happiness. My mother's voice: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I am just a pretty terrible liar with a questionable memory, so I find the truth is easiest. I've also learned so much from a group of co-workers in the last year the importance of sticking around for difficult and/or uncomfortable conversations, which I think has made me a person more honest with others and more honest with myself.

5. Which would you rather hear--the truth which will hurt, or the comforting lie?
If I am trying to walk through life living my own truth, then I would like to see yours, as well, even if it's pointy.

After Action Report #12

Jan. 16th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

Here’s a cautionary tale from Jennie who went to the sex club with an open mind and ended up with bruises on…well you’ll have to listen to find out what went wrong.  We want to hear your story! The good, the bad, the ecstatic and the unpleasant.  Write about your weird time, and send it … Read More »

The post After Action Report #12 appeared first on Dan Savage.

An Olde Frīġedæġ Fif

Jan. 15th, 2026 08:29 pm
ofearthandstars: A single tree underneath the stars (Default)
[personal profile] ofearthandstars
From a December post in [community profile] thefridayfive. I've been holding onto this one for a bit, waiting on life to give me some answers.

1. What is one thing about you that you hate?
I don't know if hate is the correct word, but I have been in a years-long struggle to feel like someone who is not anxious, worried, or scared. If I'm honest I think too many hard things have been placed on these bones, but these bones are also holding it all up still, at least for the time being. But those rare days where I don't wake up with my body already buzzing with anxiety and tension, well, I want to snatch them close and keep them all to myself.

2. What is one thing about you that you love?
I care deeply about, well... most things....our Lovely Planet and all of her Inhabitants, human and non-human, flora and fauna and mineral and waters, flowing or stagnant. I try very hard to walk through the world lightly without harming others. This is an impossible feat, really, but I try. And do you know what a joy it is to love the Earth and everything about her? It is a heady wine, at times.

3. If you had to change one thing about you what would it be and why?
I'd be less hard on myself, and live with more confidence. Please give me the confidence of a mediocre white man in a white collar environment. Though if I'm honest, I have learned there is a lot of power in being vulnerable with others.

4. What is one word that you would use to define yourself?
Grounded. More as in tree roots, tangled but strong, rather than centered or balanced in any way.

5. Imagine what you would look like in a perfect world...what do you look like?
I wouldn't be me if I didn't look like me, now would I? Or maybe, since we look different from day to day and year to year, maybe I'd just like to look healthy. Although "healthy" has so many harmful judgements assigned to it - here I mean... not sickly. I want to look both soft and hard and maybe vaguely androgynous - and honestly I'm already doing that pretty well, just sittin' here in my body. Or perhaps I don't want to look like anything - well, except, it would be nice if I could look like I knew what I was doing*.




*(I do not know what I am doing, at any given time.)

[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Dan Savage

I don’t know what to call this thing — no one likes “AQFARTIFROLOTIGTMIITC,” everyone likes “Masterdebater” but me, a lot of people liked “Gang Bang” but a few people really didn’t, “Group Grope” seems just as problematic as “Gang Bang,” etc. — but here it is! Here’s this week’s question from a reader this isn’t … Read More »

The post Struggle Session: Let’s Pull Together appeared first on Dan Savage.

Lovecast Extra

Jan. 15th, 2026 12:00 pm
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Posted by Nancy Hartunian

Welcome to the first ever Sex and…Television! For those of you who are obsessed with the Canadian homo hockey romance Heated Rivalry, here’s a convo for you. Dan and sex therapist Claire Perelman dish, discuss and swoon over the super-horny show. Enjoy!

The post Lovecast Extra appeared first on Dan Savage.

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