Hunger Hurts, But Starvin's Worse...

Day 2 of no smoking weed is upon me. No one has asked or suggested that I do this. It just seems odd to quit taking meds and to continue smoking heavily if my real goal is to try and get well in my head. So i'm trying to take things slow and see how I feel. I also hate that my house is a mess and no one really seems bothered by it but me. I mean, we haven't had a clean fork in the silveware drawer for over a week.

I'm concerned at how annoyed I am at things these days. It is the MANIC side of bi-polar that seems to cause me the most damage. I spend money i don't have, am quick to anger, and I make rash descisions based on my ever changing mood. This doens't mean i think I should be medicated, but I do think I need to figure out ways to deal with mania so it doens't fuck up my life too much.
Like right now, I feel like some people are inconsiderate assholes. Not sure if its part of my attention craving manifesto...like maybe I'm just pissed that they don't care that something is bothering me. And I'm also not a fan of people who give advice (unsolicited at that) without having any idea what in fuck's name they are talking about. I hope I am never the type to affect a superior demeanor when I advise people on subjects I know nothing of. But I'm sure I am, at least sometimes.

At any rate, I'm seeing the therapist today for real...weird sleep patterns kept me from it yesterday. I'm also going to try to make a grattan for H and I for din, and I think I'll try to watch Whale Rider, or perhaps see Taking Sides at work.

Holy Poop on a Stick!

Man, therapy today was a mind-fucker in every possible sense. It went well though, we just convered a bunch of ground and i had a-- what do you call those? Like a breakthru or soemthing. (Mad props to madush69 for giving me a lift in the rain). It turns out that my crappy childhood is largely responsible for my pattern of self-destructive behavior.
I know, I know...Duh. But it makes a lot more sense when you apply that knowlege to real life situations, and even more sense when the "real life" in question is mine. I am not so frekaed out about my meds anymore, and am generally not so freaked out about anything.

Newsflash: if you aren't constantly doing things you shouldn't be, you don't have to all the time worry about when the hammer will come down. Goddamn hammer!

In other news, I'm going to try my hand at selling ad space at Madstone. So if you feel like advirtising something, just tell your old buddy Wednes, she'll make it right. Then soon, we'll have our digital projector and I can start looking for low budget midnight movies for us to show. That will be totally exciting, and will help me meet lots more cool movie folks.

I don't want to say this prematurely but: Take THAT Guernica! Everything's coming up Wednes!

Pass me a bottle, Mister Jones...

Aparently I'm using something called the "rich text mode' to post this. anyone know what this means? i'm sure somewhere there's information availible about all these things i know nothing about. But i'd rather discuss it with others than wade thru computer jargon at this point in my day. Now that I'm not on my head-meds, I can have a drink if I want to. I don't really though, which is too bad, becaue people have left many kinds of liquor in my freezer. I was just noticing it today while looking for sausages to put in my grattin. That, BTW, is cooling and setting on the stove, and we'll be eating it after I post this.
You are the wierd loner who lies for attention

Which Breakfast Club character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla I have a day off tomorrow. I want to go see Taking Sides @ work. Tomorrow is the last day. Although the Whore works tomorrow during the day, and I might not have any rotten vegetables left to throw at her. Maybe I'll just stay home and watch Finding Nemo. Those sea turtles crack me up.