wednes: (Colbert Well Done)
One time, my electric toothbrush battery died. Instead of just brushing analog like a normal person, I stood there frozen--wondering how on earth I was gonna brush my teeth that day. I had to go to work! I couldn't NOT brush them...
This went down in history as my most absurdly absent-minded life events ever. Not a big deal, just a "holy crap, that was dumb" situation.

Today, my friends, I think I beat it.

We get tons of packages because of Amazon. We also get our groceries from there (well, 70% of them or so), plus I get a Box of Dread every month. So yeah, we're pretty packagey.
Today I got four packages, one of which was really super heavy.
The others were all Amazon stuff for review: some socks, another spy camera, another disco light, some really cool playing that. The heavy package was USPS priority mail. It was quite heavy and there was stuff moving around loose inside (not alive, but I feared breakage). I couldn't imagine what it could be, or even who it was from. I looked...but didn't know the person.
Turns out, the address label was sort of wonky, but the package wasn't even for me.

Since that bitch upstairs moved out, I don't actually know the names of any of our current neighbors. *pause to consider how sad that is* I got dressed and thought I'd try to figure it out. I walk into the hall, and look at the package again. It's addressed to, if you'll pardon the expression, a foreign-sounding name I couldn't begin to place with a nationality or region. But the cut off address was like [numbers Street, apartment numbe] But on the next line in a different font, it said R4.
Ah, I reasoned. This must be for apartment four.
Which one would that be...Hmmm
The apartment across from me is #1, so I know it's not them. (if you've been to my place, you might already be laughing here. If not, fear not. Imma let me finish.)
I go down to the end of the see apartments #2 and #3. Wait, where are the people for the package? This makes no sense. Suddenly I can't even find Apartment 4. This is the dumbest thing ever. Who designed this stupid building anyway? I hate it here!
Still carrying the heavy package, I got back to my apartment...
...where I am reminded that WE are Apartment 4.

Oh FFS...

Anyway, I left the package by the mailboxes. I have even less idea who it might be for now.
wednes: (Irate typist)
I have a terrible track record when it comes to media and popularity. What I mean is, some of the new shows I hear about...I think are the most disgusting and offensive ideas ever. And then they become huge hits:

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (stereotype much)
The Biggest Loser (surely people know that's unhealthy and fake)
Storage Wars (strangers fight over cherished possessions of poor people)
American Idol (mostly that beginning part where they mock sincere people)
Dancing with the "Stars" (who the hell cares if Ben Nye can dance?)

That doesn't even get into reality shows that exploit families with any sort of unusual traits. Too fat, too skinny, overwhelming amounts of kids, poly, weird religions, dwarves, rednecks, whatever, or things like Prime Time wife-swapping. I'm terrible at determining what kind of things will be popular, and what will be scorned. That's also why shows I like so seldom make it past 3 seasons.

With all that in mind, it's probably good that the new project I'm embarking on feels somewhere between an unholy terror and a colossal waste of time. Cut for complaining ) I've begun so many projects thinking, "Okay, this is the thing that will get me noticed," but then it isn't. Even bearing in mind that there's really no tipping point where people go from nothing to SUCCESS, I have to think there are stages at which large amounts of new people take an interest in the work.

The new project is at the Radish app. It's new around here, but has been popular in Korea and Japan and thereabouts for a while. They publish serial fiction in a whole bunch of genres. They said they were looking for horror writers, but that's not even an option yet on their site. So we shall see...
I'm publishing chapters weekly in a serial format. I get paid based on readership, which is not really the important part. It's a way to reach a new audience and get some new fiction out there, which I haven't been doing much of in favor of commission work and paid media stuff. New chaps will go up every Wednesday (see what I did there?).

What's the story? I'm so glad you asked.
But I'm not telling you except that it will feature a revolving cast of regular people and their interactions with Max, a guy who looks normal but is actually an employee of Hell.
Yeah, that Hell. ;-)
H has been a bit of a stressbag since they changed his work schedule.
That means I had to do my own cover design, which I'm not great at.
They also don't allow words on the covers. This is what I ended up with.
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wednes: (OMG!!!)
As many of you know, I've been blogging at Livejournal since 2002. When they sold their site to Russians who gave far less control over content, I started blogging at Dreamwidth and cross posting to LJ instead. I've always continued to read at both places, and to make sure my own posts make it there.

I have a pet conspiracy theory about Russia and our internet. It's one that seems increasingly true the more things happen in the world with President Cyka.  It seems super obvious to me that this Syria bombing is 100% fuckery to make us stop questioning DJT's many Russian connections.  And just like every time he gives a speech where he doesn't manage to sound like a sundowning mental patient...the media can't shut up about how "presidential" he's being.  STOP BEING FOOLED.

Even if he was being super Presidential, bombing some random base and killing civilians isn't going to make Assad suddenly be cooler to his own people.  Maybe if we were going to kill Assad or swoop in and take his Sarin and shit, that might make sense.  But we're not doing that.  We're shooting missiles that are killing civilians--in order to demonstrate how fucking awful it is to kill civilians.  And before anyone gives me that shit about how war has casualties, I'll remind you all that once again, we have not declared war.  As usual, we just started shooting shit up and daring the rest of the world to either join in or stop us.  And because most of the rest of the world aren't the buttinski's that we are, they don't.

I went over to Livejournal today to take down my account.  See, any digital info that's stored outside the US can legally be given to the CIA without any sort of authorization. So when I got a notice saying that there's a new TOS, I did not agree.  They also have a policy against "political solicitation."  I'm not 100% on what political solicitation involves, but I'm reasonably sure that I engage in it.  Even if I didn't, I'd prefer to have at least the semblance of privacy as I cling to the idea that no government agency is interested in what I'm getting up to online.  

My plan was absolutely to take my entire account down.  But in order to do that, I have to agree to the new TOS.  I do not agree, and I'm not about to say that I do.  If I agree, doesn't that mean they can keep a copy of all my old blogs?  But if I don't do anything, they already have my old blogs.  Presuming a reality where I've said things that would make Putin mad (like say, I do not like POTUS45 and think he's a lying cyka), I'd just as soon live in a world where that doesn't put me in danger.  I order a lot of delivery food, so poisoning me would be pretty easy.

And you know that guy loves to poison people.

For now, I'm not doing anything and will try to continue crossposting there.  Not sure if they'll let me though.  When I said "not now" to the new TOS, the only choice they gave me was "Log Out."  Pretty scary what happens inside of just a few years, right?  
wednes: (Santa?)
So, we had Xmas. It was also H's birthday on the 20th. This means that at the Webster-Friday abode, there was much materialism, indulgence, and slothery. Why slothery? Because I made a commitment to watch #Arrow in its entirety, and I'm now about half-way through season three. Lots of shenanigans to be called on that show--but it's still a fun watch. Apparently it takes a mere 5 years and a death in your family to become a world-class assassin. Unless you're a girl, or a poor kid, then it takes even less time than that. Some things never change though, by which I mean John Barrowman is hot as fuck, and Ra's Al Ghul can kiss my ass (not literally of course).

For H's birthday, I got him a super cool book about the Whovian universe.
Plus a T-shirt with the Planet Express logo on it.
Plus some high end super spicy corn chips from Paqui. I wanted to get him the One Chip Challenge, but they were out of them for the season.
I made H's favorite cake, which is Frangipan (a buttery white cake made with marzipan). He loves it, but it's expensive and massively unhealthy so he only gets it once a year.

For Christmas, we made our usual holiday lip balms.
Coconut lime, because that's everyone's fave--including mine.
Cherry cordial (which is chocolate, cherry, hazelnut, and almond flavors)
Cinnamon Bun (cinnamon and vanilla). This was a new flavor and I didn't love it. But always nice to have something different. Think I might bring back the chocolate orange next year. That was good stuff.

H and I didn't give many gifts outside the family. We got H's sister a set of knee braces that she wanted, because she's been working super hard to be healthy. She has more discipline than anyone I know, seriously. My brother is getting a batch of Aztec brownies, because he loves them.

H's stocking was filled with a 2-pack of Reece's cups that weighs a pound. Yes, that means he got TWO half-pound Reece cups, which is the very definition of holiday indulgence. He also got a small jar of Jif cookies and creme with hazelnut spread. It's like a swirl of cookies n creme filling with nutella. He loves it, but it's not to my taste. He got an assortment of hot sauces and a huge vinyl decal that is the Crack in the Wall from Doctor Who, plus some jalapeno cashews.

Gift wise, he got a Blu-Ray of #Interstellar, which he loves and I have not seen. Plus a TARDIS pillow since he loves to lie on the couch with pillows. And finally, I got him an Attack on Titan hoodie, that even comes with a cape. He loves it. So that was great. I was pretty stoked to be able to afford it, since when I first saw it it was $75.

H got me a fancy assortment of foodie food. This included 2 types of Zingerman's bacon (1/4 pound each), some nice bread, fresh mozzarella, a tiny box of palmier cookies, and a fancy lemonade. H's mom got me the study bible I've been wanting, and H's sister got me a White Walker fig from Pop Funko. Speaking of Funkos, H got me a Weeping Angel, which is awesome.

H got me the Master's pocket watch from Doctor Who--which is pretty cool and which I have also wanted for a long time. Plus a DVD of Pink Floyd The Wall, which I hope to hang onto by not letting anyone borrow it.

We got a sweet box of cookies from Bre and the kids, and some assorted sweets and cards from family. The Overstreets gave us the Pop-Up Game of Thrones map, which is badass, the 3rd Walking Dead Compendium, and the Hannibal Lector cookbook. The Lector cookbook is pretty amazing, as it's written by the food stylist for the Hannibal show and has tons of cool pics and trivia. Not sure I'll be making those recipes since they require crazy ingredients like calves head, lungs, or of course, Gillian Anderson's left leg. Bahahahahhaa. So yeah, we got gifted up good.
wednes: (Colbert Rage)
It's well-known by all literate people that I am not a fan of the Great Orange Cyka-Elect. (Look it up, it's a Russian word, and it's hilarious) But now, he has reached the subjective and fabled land of TOO FAR.

On December 14th, I asserted copyright over the word "Unpresidented." The context was the vain hope that the Electoral College would do what it was designed to do--rescue us from a Nazi-enabling rapist who's already in bed with the Russians. They didn't. Of course there are great arguments on both sides of this, none of which I'm going to detail here.
Because that's not the point of this post.

The point is that Drumpf stole my word. Funny, since I rarely consider myself rich enough to rob. His stupid misspelled Tweet that inadvertently turned MY word into a hashtag has stolen my internet thunder, hasn't it? Okay, no it probably hasn't. It's still hilarious though. I should probably just be happy that he didn't put my beautiful word in the same Tweet as a white supremacist or a lady unfavorably rated with Drumpf's numeric system that lets us all know which chicks he'd sexually assault if there were no cameras. But I digress.

"Unpresidented" is my word. My word. Mine! Down down, go go, mine. *jumps up and down like Daffy Duck during a tantrum*

Besides, once Drumpf is impeached or resigns in a huff because some high school newspaper criticized his latest racist speech--we can all use the word "Unpresidented" again. Hope to see you all then. ;-)
wednes: (Colbert Rage)
In all of our (totally justified) horror over The Donald, we seem to be forgetting something important. Yes, Drumpf is a racist misogynist, a master of demagoguery...we know he's the personification of mammon, the truest representation of greed, avarice, gluttony for what passes for glory in his world.

He's also woefully inept, a blithering, blustering incompetent.
He can't run a casino, let alone a country. At all. Not even a little.

Remember when we all thought Dubya was too dumb to run a country, and how he made such a big deal out of saying he's The Decider. That's because Cheney and his people: Rumsfeld, Rove, Libby and the rest were really running things. We all knew it, even though we preferred to blame Dubya for all the fucked up, authoritarian crap that happened. And why not? The guy's got a real Backpfeifengesicht on him!

So here we are again, with a Republican nominee who is, at best, a complete and utter asshat. A failure on a scale so grand, he'd literally have made more money if he'd done absolutely nothing and just collected interest on the money he inherited. And he could hold the highest office in all the land. Which means...

Vice President Mike Pence would be running things. Hell, Drumpf might even quit a month into his first term. There's no way he's ready for the schedule the POTUS has to keep. After embarrassing America on the world stage a few times, he'll never get over the bad press. But whether Drumpf leaves of his own accord, is impeached after some ridiculous act of stupidity he probably didn't even know was illegal, or if he just stands around twiddling his thumbs while Pence runs things--Mike Pence will have far too much power.

Let's not forget, Mike Pence is the guy who signed that ridiculous legal discrimination bill that made Indiana suddenly look like the worst state in the nation (giving Florida, Utah, and Alabama much needed reprieves). Pence would love to wipe Planned Parenthood completely off the map, and has said that condoms don't actually prevent any diseases. He's the guy that wants funerals for fetuses when there's an abortion or a miscarriage. And of course, Mike Pence said there's "no scientific evidence" that cigarettes cause cancer...because he was taking major cash from Brown & Williamson, Philip Morris, R.J. Reynolds, and US Tobacco. For reals. I'm sure we can guess where he stands on Citizen's United.

If any of you are thinking about voting for Drumpf, you should keep in mind that Pence will be, as Fearless Leader has said, "in charge of foreign and domestic policy." That's basically everything. So while Drumpf is busy trying to take us back to 1955 (ie: Make American Great Again), Pence may actually succeed in taking us back to 1955, on race relations, women's rights, reproductive health, LGBT issues, the minimum wage, unions, and a few things I'm probably forgetting. The only place the Republicans ever want to be modern is on tax laws for the super rich. Those should always be the lowest in history, right?

Don't forget, Drumpf fans, Mike Pence is also a career politician. We know how you haaate that.
wednes: (Colbert Rage)
As most of you know, we lost our battle with Nightmare Client's bank, and he robbed us of almost $3,000 (plus fees). Later, he had some rented legal firm send us a hilarious "cease and desist" that suggests that I posted a bunch of bad Amazon reviews on his terrible book (which would be absolutely legal for me to do, though I didn't do that). Losing the money was a drag, but not ruinous to us thanks to everyone having our backs. I still think it's some bullshit that we weren't even allowed to talk to the people at NC's bank. PayPal purportedly argued for us, but we have no idea what happened or what was said. Even more than the money, it bites that NC actually gets to walk away thinking he was vindicated. The bank didn't remotely get the full story.

Anyway...I learned recently that Alex Nouri (that's Nightmare Client's name, BTW. I see no more reason not to release it) has pulled the same fuckery with another freelancer. From what I can tell, it was the same bullshit that happened with us. Incessant Emails and phone calls, demanding near constant attention, pretending that not hearing back within the hour is "unprofessional." Shit like that. All the while, this ass professes to be "patient" and "understanding." I'm pretty sure he's a drunk, and he seems to have some mental health issues as well. So when the freelancer has finally had enough and walks away, the chargebacks begin even though the work is done. That's also when the bizarre accusations start.

You know how some people talk about how they have friends in high places? Apparently NC has friends who are cops, lawyers, bankers, politicians, and more. Yet he can't seem to convince more than one person (who I strongly suspect is him) to leave his book a good review? Nickel, please.

What I want is to blast this jackasses name and history of fuckery to every freelancer known to mankind. I want to make sure no one is EVER taken advantage of by this self-important, ignorant fuckstick again. I'm putting together a list of warning sites for editors, writers, graphic and web designers, and would love it if you all can hip me to the ones you know about or recommend.

Never in my life have I met (let alone worked with) someone so simultaneously ignorant and arrogant. It boggles the mind that he thinks so much of himself while being such a stupid, needy numpty...I need to contact the people of Scotland so I can amass a more appropriate list of insults. ;-) Despite my impressive vocabulary, I really don't have the words to adequately convey my disgust for this preening jackass and his laughable excuse for "writing" as he steals from hardworking freelancers in revenge for not constantly getting his way. (I can't put a live hyperlink in a print book no matter how hard I try, and I can't magically start coding after saying again and again that I don't code).
wednes: (TV!!!)
I'm admitting for the record that I like The Nerdist.
We're gonna blame/credit @midnight for that.
I've spent quite some time not understanding why this Hardwick cat had any cred at all, why he was suddenly everywhere, why I should listen to his various nerdy musings. Slowly, I started to find him ever less annoying. He's friends with a lot of people who are cool and not assholes. It's not like he hangs out with Kevin Nealon or Dennis Miller--but if he did, he'd probably be super polite to them. I didn't even realize Hardwick was Jerry in House of 1,000 Corpses until like--last year. Yeah, even though I saw it in the theatre and own it on DVD and digital and own a copy of the shooting script. Yeah, even though I've seen it a zillion goddamn times, and even though he looks and acts like a puffy drunken version of his TV self. I seriously had no idea. But I did know that Fishboy is in the American Office.

So I'm watching @midnight.

You know that scene in Beverly Hills Cop, where Rosewood decides to go against what Bogomil and Taggart tell him? Where he decides he's gonna help Axel catch the villainous drug dealing art vendor Victor Maitland? And he tells Axel this, and Axel is all, "I love you, Billy. I just fell in love with you." Remember that?

That's how I felt about Chris Hardwick on tonight's @midnight when he explained and defended telling jokes about Jared Fogle and his illegal sexual tendencies.
You gotta joke about it, because what else *can* you do? Emotionally, I mean.
So, you know--Points!

On an unrelated topic, research on a new Kinkly article has begun. I'll be calling it Project Arcturus, and will tell you all about it after I'm done--probably in about a week. How mysteriously vague, right?
wednes: (OMG!!!)
I'm doing a really, super good job of not freaking the hell out even though at least 3 hatchling centipedes have come out of our bathroom faucet in the last 2 days. I dismissed the first one as a random fluke--at H's behest. That's after screeching like a little girl, obviously.

I am most displeased.
H promises that he is taking care of it, which I guess means purification by fire (my idea) will be a backup plan.

Maintenance around here is usually hardcore weaksauce. But this time something will be done or we will move the hell out of here despite our intense poverty. I'd rather stay at the friggin shelter than deal with venomous insects breeding in our goddamn water supply.

As a horror writer, this is the sort of thing I would never include in a story because it seems cartoonishly horrific. Now that I'm living it though...I might have to.
In the mean time, I'm going to continue my quest for calm.
wednes: (The Horror Within)
At the Delonis shelter in Ann Arbor, homeless people have to take a drug test before they can be admitted. If they can't pass a test within three days, they don't get to stay and work the program. However, if the weather is below 20 degrees F, anyone can stay in the sitting room so nobody freezes to death--even if you can't pass a drug test.

When I was learning this in the training classes for volunteers, the instructor couldn't remember if it was "20 degrees or below" or "twenty degrees below." Finally she reasoned that 20 degrees below zero was absurdly cold--in fact, we all had to think hard to recall if we'd ever been in a place where the temperature was literally 20 below, not factoring for wind.

Well kids, when I checked the weather at 5am this morning, it was 27 degrees below zero. And all I could think was, that shelter has got to be fucking packed.

In other news, the Kickstarter for The Horror Within is slow going. I made a new video in the hopes that it explains who we are and what we do a little more clearly.

We have 20 days remaining, so please do tell everyone you know about it--especially writers, horror fans, rich people with money to burn, and budding philanthropists.
wednes: (Santa?)
What I gave:
Balms. Lots and lots of balms. And cards.
H made the cards, as usual.
We got Girl-H a Ravenclaw hoodie, which she loves.
I got H (between his birthday and Xmas)
And Onion Encyclopedia
Face of Boe T-shirt
Andy Capp Hot Fries
Fancy cherry soda syrup
Batman Arkham Asylum for PS3
T-shirt with Futurama heads of famous doctors
Hellblazer anthology 1
A bunch of sour candy and hot peppers.

What I got:
Cookies, more cookies.
Ferdinand the Bull book
Pop Funko Drogon figure
The Walking Dead compendium #2
First season of Bates Motel (DVD)
The Compleat Al (DVD)
Money, with which I bought this:

We got a ton of swell cards, various canned goods and edibles.
H also got me a big hunk of haloumi, which is one of my fave cheeses. You can fry it and it doesn't melt.
Plus I ordered myself the Babadook book, which will arrive this summer.
Dook dook dook.
EDIT: Today I was given a Doctor Who Madlib book and some gourmet candy bars by a little girl I like a whole lot--my goddaughter Evelyn.
wednes: (Under the Bed)
I was not planning to make this announcement until the December issue of Under the Bed was out. But alas, word is getting around. I'm surprised anyone is interested, but then, I'm pretty awesome.

For those who have not heard yet, the December issue of Under the Bed will be my final issue for FictionMagazines/eFiction. This was a tough decision that I made after much deliberation. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to go. But I do. FicMag's editor-in-chief will be taking over mag operations as of Dec 4th.

The good news? The feature writers and graphic designer are joining me in a new publication:
The Horror Within.

To make this happen the way I want it to, we'll need a successful Kickstarter.

How do I want this to go?

For now, I'm thinking it will be a bi-monthly (every other month, so six issues a year) mag that features five scary short stories, and 3-5 regular features. I'd also like to bring in guest feature writers, and invite novelists to promote their upcoming novels with preview chapters and interviews. I want to continue doing artist interviews, and will offer free ad space to all indie horror purveyors.

I'm not sure about the logistics of distribution, but it may all go through Amazon. Also, we're doing print. That's right, print, as well as digital. Honestly, getting published is not as fun when you don't have the option to get a hard copy. Yeah, that's expensive, but I'm worth it--and so will this new project be.

I was worried that H would not be able to create a logo I loved as much as Under the Bed. Damn, I love that logo and am sad to leave it behind. You can all let me know what you think of the new logo and header, Read more... )

I think it looks pretty cool.

Oh, and digital copies of the first issue is gonna be freer than free. Kickstarter permitting, contributors will be paid a flat fee (better than my original idea of asking everyone to donate) for the issue, and hopefully everyone in the world will want to read it. Print issues will be avail for cost.
After the first issue is produced, subsequent issues will offer a royalty share. Fic authors will share 50% of single issue sales, while feature writers will share 50% of subscription sales. Neat, eh?

The plan is to go live in the spring.
wednes: (Zombie B&W)
Hey kids,

As many of you know, I used to have an interview segment at Zombie Zone News. Picking Brains with Wednesday Lee Friday was a ton of fun, and allowed me to trade Emails with some really cool people. However, an error at the website led to most of those interviews being unavailable to read. The good news? I still have all my interviews, and thought it might be a neat idea to repost them somewhere that they can actually be seen. I have not edited these in any way.
For my own laughs, I decided not to post these in order. Also, the Bear McCreary interview was requested. How can I say no?  Honestly, this was not one of my better interviews because I felt SO far out of my league.  Bear was totes professional and patient with my ignorance. 
So here it is, from March 2011, my interview with composer Bear McCreary:

From Zombie Zone News, March, 2011"

Like most of you, I waited all summer long in anticipation of the premiere of The Walking Dead. I carefully avoided news articles and pics, not wanting even the tiniest spoiler. Open credits begin. Music by Bear McCreary. Cheers! Applause! My Walking Dead party was chock full of BSG devotees, Sarah Connor fans, and Dark Void players. Our already palpable anticipation doubled. We were not disappointed.
Bear McCreary has composed scores for some of the best television of the last ten years including Battlestar Galactica, Sarah Connor Chronicles, Eureka, Caprica, and The Cape. Then there's the movies like Wrong Turn 2, Rest Stop, and BSG Razor. You can, and should, read all about Bear on his website.
As we all know, the score from Season One of The Walking Dead set the bar for horror television. The banjo work alone is reason enough to buy this soundtrack. Bear's ability to create mood, enhance themes, and elicit emotion, is nothing short of masterful. I was super geeked when Bear agreed to answer some questions just for us.

WLF/ZZN: You were a kid who watched TV and played video games, who grew up to work in TV and video games. Does this affirm that TV and video games are not only good for us, but the road to creative fulfillment?
I think that feature films have utterly lost their monopoly on being cool. When I was a kid, films had a sense of grandeur and scope that TV and especially games didn’t even attempt to match. Nowadays, film is trying to keep up with a quickly evolving landscape. The creative opportunities I’ve found in games and TV have been absolutely remarkable. And while I enjoy working in features too, I only take on the projects that allow me to explore new musical sounds. Basically, I take on projects that are dramatically interesting. I don’t even care if its for a film, TV or a game, as long as it’s fun to work on it.

WLF/ZZN: Please tell us about your relationship with zombies before you signed on to score The Walking Dead.
I’d always been aware of the zombie genre, but it really wasn’t where my passion lied. However, that all changed when I read Kirkman’s comic. I was sucked into the world of these characters, because I loved them so much. And TWD comic is a good crash course for zombie newbies, because it hits so many of the tropes of the genre. From there, it was a hop, skip and a jump to finding all these great films.

WLF/ZZN: How stoked were you to do it?
Pretty f*cking stoked. Can I say that? Maybe I should rephrase: Pretty f*cking excited about it.

WLF/ZZN: Can you share anything about how scoring this series has influenced your own plans or preparation for the zombie apocalypse?
I’m keeping my banjo handy.

WLF/ZZN: You've talked about the concept of Unity in the score for The Walking Dead, and that the leitmotifs intertwine to create one sound. Does the inspiration for these character themes come more from the actor's performances, or from the script?
Honestly, there aren’t really any character themes to speak of. That’s where the unity comes from. Rather than highlighting all the characters’ differences, by giving them each a unique sound, I’m painting them all with a single brush. They come from different backgrounds and have different values, but they’ve all been brought together by this horrific event and their current surroundings.
If anything, the quality of the actor’s performances has allowed me to step back a little musically and accomplish this. The scenes work so well on their own, I can focus more on creating a musical world, rather than working hard on creating specific character arcs. This approach may change in Season 2, of course, but that’s what worked in Season 1.

WLF/ZZN: Does your musically Unifying the human survivors indicate that you are rooting for the humans to win?
Zombies are fun. But, if you’re rooting for the zombies to win it means the characters aren’t connecting and the whole thing is a failure. That’s precisely what makes Kirkman’s source material so fabulous. As a well-versed comic book / horror fan you KNOW people are going to die. But, Damnit, Kirkman makes you love these people anyway.

WLF/ZZN: The banjos in The Walking Dead are even scarier than those from Deliverance. It literally sounds like a zombie is playing. Do you agree then, with the premise of Land of the Dead, that some zombies will retain the musical abilities they had in life?
That’s exactly how I thought about it, even though I think Kirkman / Darabont would disagree. The zombies in TWD really don’t retain their humanity at all. But, that’s how I got Oingo Boingo guitarist Steve Bartek to find the right sound on the banjo. I told him to imagine he was a banjo player who became a zombie and was playing through muscle memory. That really got him in the mood and he created some incredibly terrifying textures.

WLF/ZZN: I haven't heard any accordion in The Walking Dead yet. Did I miss it? When will fans get the accordion they are pining for?
I’ll bet Season 2 finds some.

WLF/ZZN: Speaking of the accordion, I really think you and Weird Al Yankovic should play dueling accordions, maybe for charity? Are you game?
He’d kick my ass.

WLF/ZZN: Are you able to reveal any new instruments you'll be introducing in Season 2? Anything relating to a certain prison, perhaps?
No spoilers on that one, I’m afraid.

WLF/ZZN: Before The Walking Dead, you scored such shows as Caprica, Eureka, The Cape, and the celebrated reimagining of Battlestar Galactica. Was it always your intention to use leitmotifs in Battlestar Galactica, or did that evolve organically?
Quite the opposite. I had strict instruction from the producers to never use any themes at all. But, I couldn’t help it. That’s just where the show was leaning, so I did it anyway hoping no one would notice. Finally, around the end of the first season, the producer said that a scene with Boomer wasn’t quite working. “Can you just bring back that Boomer theme here? I think that will really help.” At that moment, I knew I wouldn’t get fired for using themes.

WLF/ZZN: Felix Gaeta was my favorite BSG character. It was worth suffering through Gaeta's misfortunes just to hear him sing. Can you tell us a bit about how Gaeta's Lament was conceived and incorporated into the show?
It was incorporated into the script that Felix would sing while being operated on. I worked closed with the actor Alessandro Juliani to write a melody in his comfortable vocal range. AJ is a classically trained singer, and has a really beautiful voice. I was stunned working with him. Regrettably, he couldn’t show it off in the series because his character was supposed to be in utter agony. So, he couldn’t sing to his full capacity. Thankfully, we re-recorded it for the Season 4 soundtrack album and he was able to show fans just how serious a singer he is.

WLF/ZZN: Is there anything fans can do to get Caprica back on the air? Facebook revolution? Letter campaign to SyFy? Maybe HBO?
Build a time machine? I’m afraid that ship has long sailed. I miss Caprica. It didn’t get the fulfilling finale that “BSG” had. I will always remember that as one of the more beautiful themes I’ve composed.

WLF/ZZN: I just learned moments ago that The Cape was cancelled, and that the finale would only be aired online. Can you comment on this trend of cancelling innovative, well-produced shows while perpetuating vapid derivative crapfests devoid of anything resembling originality?
It’s an unfortunate reality of the TV business, but not limited to that industry. Bands that don’t go big on their first album don’t get a chance to make a second. In the old days, they had time to evolve a fan base. Queen didn’t take off until their THIRD album. If they were around today, they’d never make it. Similarly, a movie has only opening weekend to prove itself. All you can do is do your best, work on projects you believe in and hope for the best.

WLF/ZZN: The mega-version 8-bit track from the Dark Void theme is awesome. Was that your idea?
That was a bit of a gift, at first. Inafune-San, the creator of “Mega Man,” was a producer on “Dark Void.” So, I made an 8-bit version of the game’s theme in the style of “Mega Man II.” To my surprise, CAPCOM loved it so much, they actually made an 8-bit game to go with it, and I wrote a full score for it. The full orchestral and 8-bit scores of both games are still on iTunes. I love that fans can experience both.

WLF/ZZN: What advice would you offer aspiring composers who want to work in TV and video games?
Do your best work. Treat every project like it matters. Believe in what you’re doing. But, most of all, do this because you love to do it above all else. If there’s something in life you enjoy more than writing music, by all means… do that instead.

WLF/ZZN: Thanks so much for taking the time to talk with us. Is there anything you'd like to say to your many, many fans?
Check out my blog,, in the coming weeks for some big announcements. I’ve just released a book of piano sheet music arrangements of “Battlestar Galactica” music. There are soundtrack CDs, concert DVDs and other cool things on the horizon. Thanks and keep on listening!
wednes: (Work)
I got interviewed by a Bosnian magazine about six months ago. Never heard back. On a whim, I was looking through old Emails and came across the link to the mag's website. Turns out, the interview went live last November.

Of course, I don't speak Bosnian.
So I used Google Translate:

It's long, but seriously hilarious )

Wondering what I actually said? You're in luck, because I save copies of all my interviews.
Also kind of long, and less funny. )

And that, friends, is my adventure in Bosnia.
wednes: (Wednes Poison)
Found out today that someone I used to know pretty well has started collecting...well, they're calling it "World War II memorabilia." But I think we all know what we're talking about here: Nazi shit. Shit with swastikas on it, death certificates from The Camps.

I don't mind saying that Nazi shit scares the hell out of me. After all, I'm married to a black man who's over six-feet-tall. Michael Moore says people think that's the single scariest kind of person to be. And you know, more and more states are legalizing the murder of black people as long as they're scary. It's all part of the same mindset, as far as I'm concerned. But I digress.
Honestly, this person has always been totally racist and in private, unapologetic about it. But this rises to a whole new level of...I mean, it's a psychopathy, right? There has to be something wrong with anyone who can get into that mindset or think it's something to celebrate, right?

Or is there a non-fucked up reason for a blue collar, non-scholarly person to collect Nazi "memorabilia?" "Memorabilia" is a word for objects that help us fondly remember things from the past. So "Nazi-memorabilia" is really only for crazy people, isn't it?

Even among the unapologetically racist, Nazi shit is considered at least taboo. There are tons of racists who don't admit to being racists, and would be embarrassed to have a swastika in their home--not that they'd ever let a minority in to see it. You know, unless their pool needed cleaning or whatever...

I am just horrified.
wednes: (Dark Side reflection)
The Furby saga finally comes to a gripping end.

When we last left our Furby saga, some jackassy Amazon vendor was refusing to sell me a Furby at the prices they advertised on Xmas eve. They asked me to cancel my order. I didn't. Then they asked me again, and again I said no.
Then I left terrible feedback for both orders that were cancelled. THEN they asked me to remove my negative feedback. And I was all "How 'bout No?"

Today I heard back from them, and they offered me a $25 Amazon gift card for each order that was cancelled. This will be enough money that I can buy the girl the stupid Furby (from another vendor), or thereabouts.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
And with Zod as my witness, I am that wheel!
wednes: (Count Thumps Edward)
After this mornings unpleasantness, I wallowed in my complainy-pants sadness for a few hours.
Then I took a nap.

When I woke up, I had some loving and supportive voicemails, texts, and Emails from friends and family. That was swell, really.

When I went back over to the Barnes & Noble site, the link was up.

Under the Bed: Volume 2 Number 1, bitches!

Undead October is full of awesome zombie stories, some cool editorials, our fanciful Letters to the Editor page, and some sweet art. You should totally think about buying it. If you need a mobi or a pdf, you will be able to get that from our website.
wednes: (Really?)
Remember last February, when I bought myself a set of Max pajamas from Where the Wild Things Are? Well, I did. And they are adorable. I posted a few snaps of me in them, taken by H (my husband who thinks I'm totally hot). I later put them on Pinterest, on my board "Fat People Existing." It's pretty much what it sounds like--positive and joyful pics of fat people out in the world doing stuff. Or in this case, me in my fly pajamas being cute and hilarious, and yeah...fat.

Today, I see that someone I don't know had reposted it. As you can see, she didn't even bother to change my blurb. To a fat positive board? No. To a costume or fun pajama board? No. To a chicks being silly, clothing that is grey, or pointy-eared people board? No, no, and nope. A total stranger posted a pic of me looking badass--on a board, and I am not kidding, called:
Oh Crap, Fat People!
Whatever, I think. Probably just some dumb teenager who doesn't know what the hell...right? No. I take a closer look, because I can't imagine why this would happen on Pinterest. Isn't it mostly grandmothers and people buying houses or learning about fashion? No.

This is Ally, who thinks mocking fat people she doesn't know is hilarious. But please, no porn in front of the kids. Mockery and hate-speech, sure, but no porn. She has children, and those children are about to have children. Isn't that wonderful? Lest you think that Ally is a mean person, you should know that her Pinterest actually contains the following boards:

And as everyone who follows the teachings of the Bible knows...

Ally knows how to treat people. After all...

She's also really consistent about being healthy, which is why she has the right to mock fat people without a care for the fact that they're a person.

And if all that wasn't absurd enough, Ally is a little wary about hoodies.

So yeah, you wanna make fun of fat people?
You wanna be some kind of bigot bully hypocrite and terrible role model while bragging about your procreation abilities and adherence to the teachings of Christ? Consider this your big fat calling out--You terrible, terrible person.
Courtesy of my being done with work for the night, and not having posted here yet this week.
wednes: (TV!!!) Why I hate Skyler White article has driven people to the point of madness. I totally got flamed, and I'm pretty sure a few of them were not sock puppets of the main detractor. One person took my thoughts totally personally, and would not let up about what a terrible misogynist I am, how I don't understand emotional abuse, and apparently think *every* battered woman has the ability to just pick up and leave (and not just Skyler, who has an education, support system, and a pallet heaped with cash).
Presumptions about strangers on the internet are amazing.
I find it especially funny because I pretty much put all my personal business right out there for the reading. Anyone who actually cared to get to know me could do so in short order--just by reading what's already posted.

But see...people aren't interested in getting to know you, especially when they're so busy judging you for daring to say something they don't like. I'm surprised they aren't telling my editor to fire me, lest they boycott the site. Ha!
It's funny mainly because we don't get all that much traffic, so the flaming was a big boost to me money-wise.
I later learned that apparently Vince Gilligan said this:
And with the risk of painting with too broad a brush, I think the people who have these issues with the wives being too bitchy on Breaking Bad are misogynists, plain and simple.
Which, I guess, gives douchebags the idea that by calling me a misogynist that they will become Vince Gilligan's best friend or something.

It seems like my editor took it much more personally than I did, because he really tried to defend me and the article--going so far as to write his own rebuttal article. His main point was that while he disagreed with my take on her, that calling me a misogynist is fucking stupid.

To my mind, saying that *I'm* what represents misogyny is an enormous misunderstanding of what feminism and misogyny actually are. That's over and above the fact that I'm about as misogynistic as I am racist, Christian, or homophobic...which is to say, not fucking much by half. You might as well say everyone who likes the show is a fan of both murder and blue meth.

Last night was movie night. We had a small but quality crowd, good food (Curt brought an amazing buffalo chicken dip that I want to bathe in) and a Burgess Meredith double feature. Foul Play followed by The Sentinel. Nice! There is polenta left over that I'll fry up for H, and a goodly amount of pina colada no-bake dealies that have no booze and are delicious.

Tonight is editing stories for the magazine, and maybe watching Savages. Tomorrow, of course, is a million TV shows. Dexter, Breaking Bad, and Newsroom. Woot!
wednes: (Growlers)
We are a few short days away from...

The first issue of Under the Bed
(formerly eHorror magazine)

Yeah, that's right. Some foolish fool has given me total control over my very own Horror Fiction Magazine. Can you even believe it?
*rubs hands together in sinister fashion*
I gave it a new name, it's getting a new logo, and the first issue will be out even sooner than I was ready for. Lucky for you, I do some of my best work when I'm scrambling around like a maniac.

There are some damn fine stories to be had in this issue, featuring some truly sick individuals. Of course if you don't like hearing about blood, naked people, or naughty language and stuff, you're probably gonna want to steer clear.
wednes: (Dancing Hurley)
Hey kids,

You know how audiobooks are crazy expensive?
Well...The Finster Effect audiobook is now on sale for $1.99

I know, right?

Get it here.

It really is a super good deal, the kind you should tell people about.
It's usually $25. And I don't think it'll be at this crazy low price for long.
wednes: (Zombie Film)
The Finster Effect audiobook drops today. TODAY!!!

That means you can buy it.
Right now.

No waiting...
I bet most of you can put it right on your phones.

To take the rat-infested, Michigan-flavored, zombie madness with you wherever you go.
wednes: (MamaCass)
The giant book giveaway is finally over.

I was feeling pretty bad that Kiss Me Like You Love Me only made it to #4 in horror in the US. Then my publisher told me that all the books above me had paid for Amazon promotion, whereas I had not. Amazon promoting is retardedly expensive. I am spending a little money on some ads, but only as much as I can honestly afford. The audiobooks are costing a lot more to produce. Hopefully they will sell well.

Final high numbers are as follows:

US: #4 in Horror #69 in all of Kindle. *snerk*

Canada: #1 in psychological thrillers, #3 in horror

Germany: #3 in psychological thrillers, #5 in horror

Italy: #4 in horror

France: #1 in psychological thrillers, #1 in horror

Despite this, we have no plans to move to France.
Giant thanks to everyone who helped out with shares, encouragement, downloads, shout-outs, likes, and every other type of helping out. I don't make a move without you, Internets.

The remainder of this week will be spent finishing my next article for Kinkly. It's on fat esthetics and how claims of fat people not having awesome sex lives are based on naught but chicanery of the highest order. Don't worry, I'll be using more accessible language.
I'll also be finishing the new Stig & The Puppetman, reviewing a sex toy, and writing TV reviews for the Doctor Who Premiere and Game of Thrones. For the next six weeks, I've got four reviews a week. That's gonna kick my ass in conjunction with all my marketing writing, comics, commission stuff, and everything else.

I'm also gonna make Alton Brown's devils food cake this weekend.
His recipes are always killer awesome.

In other news, I would murder someone for a bag of nacho cheese Doritos. Just to make it easier on us all, that someone can be Rick Santorum.


Mar. 27th, 2013 10:35 am
wednes: (Elephant on Trampoline)
So far, so...not too bad on the Kiss Me Like You Love Me book giveaway.

As of right now:

#4 in horror in the United States.

#3 in psychological suspense (and #6 in horror) in Canada

#23 in horror in the United Kingdom.

It's FREE in all those places (plus Italy, Spain, Denmark, and Columbia) for one more day. If you wouldn't mind helping me get the word out, that would be swell.

EDIT: 5:22pm Made it to #20 in the UK in horror, and to #2 in horror in Canada. Not sure if I'll get any higher than that without some major RT's.

EDIT AGAIN: 6:24pm #1 in Canada and #1 in France in Psychological Thrillers.
How do you say "nightmare" in French?
wednes: (Go Crazy?)
You didn't forget that Kiss Me Like You Love Me is FREE, did you?

You remembered to tell someone you know about it, right?

You've pointed your readers, followers, fans, family and friends to the excellent Amazon reviews, didn't you?

If not...I really, really, really could use the assist.
wednes: (Tyrion)
Dear George RR Martin,

You rock. Seriously. I'm one of those slags who had not read your work until watching Game of Thrones on HBO. A certain death (and to a lesser extent, a certain out-the-window-shoving and a specific witch-murder) made me uneasy as to whether or not I should continue. See, I have a low tolerance for being completely knocked off my game by intense losses in literature, movies, and quality TV. I'm still not over Colin Creevy, and I don't know that I ever will be. The movie The Road had me in a grey fog for three days, and it was a year before I could start reading the book. I kept watching GoT though, because I wanted to see dragons, and because Peter Dinklage is fucking awesome--and I already dug him because of The Station Agent. I'm still blown away that the chick from Sarah Connor Chronicles turned out to be so amazing. Plus, I can't resist quality entertainment--and we get precious little of it in the US.

When a certain horde of murderous blue undead showed themselves, I knew it was time to read the damn books. I have a Kindle, so carpal tunnel was no longer an issue. You can thank Under the Dome for that, BTW. I'm learning some Dothraki, because I'm fascinated by language construction and development.

The books are wonderful, marvelous, staggering. I'm dealing with all the deaths okay, and none of them have emotionally crippled me (though book 3 came close a few times). I am 3/4 of the way through the 4th book, and am digging the hell out of it. I love Brienne of Tarth, and am horrified that Sansa cannot seem to catch a fucking break.

But George, (may I call you George?) I want you to listen carefully. If you kill Podrick Payne, I will never, ever forgive you. Don't do it. He's a fucking hero. And I'd better not find out that Tyrion sold him out--because I don't want to not like Tyrion.
Seriously, do not kill Podrick.
He's like the Neville Longbottom of Westeros.
Don't do it.
One person with honor and integrity (who isn't a maester) has to survive and thrive.
You cannot kill Podrick.
I'm telling you, no.

EDIT: 3:32am Thursday. Now that I think of it, Samwell Tarly might also be the Neville Longbottom of this thing. You can't kill him either. Seriously. Don't make me come over there.



PS. I'm a writer too. If you kill Podrick, you might not like what happens to the kindly cap-wearing sci-fi writer in MY next horror book--which is about cannibals. Take THAT, GRRM.

PPS. I love your blog. Except the sports talk.
wednes: (Wednes Blue)
I've decided that Election Season is like Christmas, except less often and we split into two distinct diametrically-opposed groups. Wait, I guess that would be like Christmas these days. Anyway, I'm glad/desperately hope that it'll be over tomorrow and that the good guys will pull this one out.

As always, be sure to vote!
Hint: They aren't, in fact, all the same.
wednes: (Wednes Logo)
After going through my stash, it seems that I have a few first-editions of A Stabbing for Sadie and Kiss Me Like You Love Me. These editions are both out of print, and selling for upwards of $25 each online--and those don't even have my autograph!!1!

Do not miss out on the opportunity to get these books, signed by me, and shipped directly to you for a mere $10 per book. Shipping is $8 for up to 2 books shipped domestically via USPS--God DAMN shipping is expensive! Can provide shipping quote for international shipping.
Shipping is Edited. Sticker Shock, man. Like Whoa.

If you aren't aware, big things are brewing for me in 2013.
Things that are destined to make my books at least somewhat more popular than they are now. This is the time to say you were down with the Wednes on the ground floor.

Payment may be sent via PayPal to wednes (at) wednesdayleefriday (dot) com.
If you don't have PayPal, hit me up privately at the same Email addy and we'll work it out.

If nothing else, you won't want to miss out on the awesome cover art by [personal profile] flemco. It's super badass.
wednes: (Wednes in 1985)
It's not a very obscure literary reference, so I'm gonna assume you all know.

So this happened. Finster came in town from Cali just to go to the show. What show, you ask? Jason McCauley Berry and the All Night Fish Market. Back in the day, Finz and I went to these shows endlessly, roughly weekly but sometimes more. If you picture them dark and blurry, it'd look something like this.

It was a time for beer drinking and terrible jobs, hunting for a cool boyfriend and eventually realizing a girl friend would make more sense. A time for drugs and floundering, figuring shit out and wallowing in grand ideas and stupid mistakes. A time for a Heathen Ranch, gazing up longingly at the poverty line, and realizing that I was honest to Zod crazy and needed to do something about it.

Before the gig, there was a BBQ at the new home of my old friend and former Heathen Ranch roommate. A few other friends from that era were there. Newsflash: Having children ages people a LOT. Everybody's still as sexy as ever though. The dude on the far right is Joe, who is Our Narrator in the KMLYLM podcast. I know, right?

Merriment ensued.

My old friend literally lives within walking distance of my mom's house in Royal Oak. We drove right by it on the way to the bar, which was in Ferndale.

H actually got the night off work to come with. Because I asked him to. He hates bars, parties, going out, and being around crowds. He mostly sat at the table watching my bag. I mostly walked around acting like the queen of the castle, puffing the wacky tobacky, drinking tons of water and a few sips of coca cola, and dancing my ass off. I imagine some unflattering pics of said dancing will be showing up on Facebook over the next week. Can't wait...

Officially, the party was for our friend Bill, who was turning 40. Bill is an awesome guy who totally has not changed since back in the day. It's a weird thing to suddenly be back among people who knew me when I was a totally different person. And it's crazy to hear how people remembered me, how they "always knew" I'd be successful, and how I always seemed like I'd do great things. Not for nothing, but I don't recall 98% of these people mentioning that at the time. Quite the opposite, in fact. Anywhoo...

The gig was amazing. Jason still has the sweetest voice ever. I love it so much. The last song of the night was about me. I don't mean that in an absurd drunk-girl kind of way. The song Blues for a Better Wednesday was written about me, roundabout 1990. I'll probably podcast it sometime so you can all hear it. Jason called it their best song. I was quite touched.

The whole event was tremendous fun, and illustrated rather sharply the differences between my life then, and my life now. There were a bunch of people I was delighted to see, and a few conspicuous absences, and a healthy handful of people who said how happy they were to see me--who I didn't recognize at ALL. I look pretty much the same as ever, but most of the dudes put on weight and lost their hair. A lot of the chicks totally changed their hair, and everyone was wearing dark glasses for some reason. People kept hugging me and H would ask who they were, and I wouldn't know. Bizzarre, but nice to be so well loved, amirite?

In other news, I have a ton of work to do this week. Tonight I'll draft the review of the Dexter premiere, which I'll finish and put up tomorrow. Also tomorrow will be watching and putting up a review of the new Boardwalk Empire ep. Have you been reading my Reviews at GeekBinge? You totally should be. I'll also be covering American Horror Story when that comes back--in just 17 days!!!

Also, I'll be finishing the new Stig and the Puppetman comic. After that, I'll be tearing into A Stabbing for Sadie to make edits for the 2nd edition. I changed almost nothing from KMLYLM. It's gonna get a new introduction and some new "Thanks." I thought about going back through some of Dami's dialogue but decided against it. That book is pretty good as it is, and doesn't need me um...Lucasing it up. Sadie, OTOH, is getting tore up and thematically embiggened.

The next book is outlined and ready for me to write the hell out of it for NaNoWriMo. If you're planning to get down with the NaNo this year, be sure to add me as your buddy. This one is set for a 2013 release as well, so I kind of have to rock this thing hard core. Luckily, that is typically how I roll.

In sadder news, I walked away from cooking bacon today and it burned to an inedible blackened crisp. I was sad. Bacon abuse. No.
wednes: (Kittens)
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
You may recall my interview with Joshua Hoffine back in April of 2011. He had just busted out with Pickman's Masterpiece, a series of photos based the Lovecraft story. Damn, it's awesome.
Hoffine is a horror photographer who shares my love of primal terror, and the belief that the best scares come from deep within us all.

Today I got a press release (and early pic, but I can't post it online) for his new thing, and is badass! I loves it!!

Joshua Hoffine, the internationally renown Horror Photographer
residing in Kansas City, reveals his latest masterpiece: JACK THE

Joshua Hoffine's work exploded on the internet and in numerous
magazines and news outlets around the world in 2008 when he released
his collection of photographs exploring the nature of childhood fears.
Since that time he has cultivated a massive cult following for his
meticulously staged photographic works regarding, as he puts it, "the
psychology of fear."

Conceived as a 2-panel diptych, JACK THE RIPPER depicts the moments
"just before" and "just after" a grisly alleyway murder. "What makes
Jack the Ripper compelling to me", Hoffine says, "is that nothing is
known about him. Because he was never caught, we have no actual
information about who he was or why he committed his gruesome crimes.
What we have is not a historical or biographical portrait, but a
communally imagined idea of Jack the Ripper as an aristocratic
predator. As a boogeyman, he graphically symbolizes the idea of the
wealthy and powerful preying on the poor."

On September 4th, Hoffine will be officially releasing the first image
of his project online. Signed archival prints will be available for
purchase though his website at WWW.JOSHUAHOFFINE.COM. He will be
releasing the second part of his project on October 1st.

You can find this cat on Facebook, and do check out his incredible photography on his site. It's all staged photography, not photoshop.
Plus, he's a super nice guy.

In Wednes-related news, I took a longish 2-part test for an awesome work from home day-job. It's more than I was making at the last day job, but much less than a phonsex operator. *snicker* All this hounding of freelance clients for money has already become tiresome. I think I'm more productive with a steady gig, rather than chasing work with big payments that are few and far between. Plus, writing about flowers wasn't that fun. Anyway, I'll hear about that on Monday.
Next week, we're also getting cheaper cable. No non-evil cable companies exist where I am. So we're getting rid of Comcast and getting AT&T. On paper, they'll give us a lot more for less money. I hear the internet will be slower. I hope it's not too annoying. The DVR will record 4 channels at once, which will totally rescue my Sunday night. Yeah...I got first-world problems.

Watched the RNC convention last night. It seems that the next time we see Paul Ryan, he'll have a very long nose and will have to resign himself to never becoming a Real Boy.
wednes: (Kiss Me Like You Love Me)
Let it be known that as of September 1st, 2012 my novels, A Stabbing for Sadie, and Kiss Me Like You Love Me will no longer be available in epub formats, and will no longer be in print as a trade paperback. soon as I'm brutally murdered, the books you've already bought will skyrocket in value. Won't that be fun for you's?

There will be subsequent announcements, as soon as a few things are signed and a few people stop freaking the hell out.
wednes: (Wednes Logo)

If you wouldn't mind hipping every literate, Kindle using person you know--I'd be much obliged. FREE. One. Day. Only.
wednes: (Milk & Cheese)
Day-job. And and on it goes.
Heard back on some freelance gigs, including one that said "We'll want to fly you out for an interview," leading me to have all sorts of fat-person on a plane panic. I can't WAIT for some total stranger to let me know that my body is unacceptable to them. Besides, how to you explain to a prospective employer that they might have to buy you two seats?

Learned from The Rude Pundit that Andrew Breitbart died today--presumably of his own inner rage and bile. Who, oh who, will carry around pics of Anthony Weiner's junk (and then break out those pics to show talk show hosts as if it's normal to carry around famous junk-shots on your goddamn cell phone WHILE self-righteously holding yourself up as some kind of fucking example) now???

Stonegarden Publishing had a surprise (to me, anyway) one-day giveaway on a bunch of our books, including The Cat's Apprentice. I am delighted to tell you that it got as high as NUMBER THREE in HORROR!!! That is awesome. There were a whole big bunch of downloads, especially considering that I did zero publicity because I didn't know about it.

Major thanks to everyone who assured me that I made a great decision on the publishing front. My plan is to make the TFE edits I've been prattling on about, and then submit to Tor. After they turn me down, Permuted Press will be next. Actually, I might do those in reverse order. I just don't know yet. Point is, I'm totally going to go for a professional-size advance. I'm sick of not being an active member of Horror Writers Association. Because I'm a horror writer, and I want to associate, dammit! I want to vote in the Stoker Awards, and refer to Jack Ketchum as "my colleague," and be asked to write a forward for something.
wednes: (NaNo Runner)

Just a quick reminder that my One Day Only FREE Kindle giveaway begins in just a few short hours.
From midnight-11:59am PST
Wednesday, February 1st
Kiss Me Like You Love Me is FREE to absolutely everyone.

It's not a contest.
It's not a competition.
You go there, you download it, it's yours.

It's an awesome deal.
I mean, Have you SEEN these reviews?!?

And please, tell all your buddies who like twisted shit.
Contains murder, intense violence, minors as sex objects, stupidity, cops, drug and alcohol use and abuse, people being jackasses, and a bunch of what the kids these days call "fucked up shit."
wednes: (Kiss Me Like You Love Me)
In case you've not read it, Kiss Me Like You Love Me is a damn good book. In the hopes that more people will hip themselves to it, this is happening:

Anybody who helps me spread the word gets my undying gratitude.

Let me be clear, this is a bloody, creepy, stabby book for GROWN UPs.
No sparkly shit, heroes saving the goddamn day...none of that happy crap.
wednes: (OMG!!!)
It appears that I have recurring kidney stones. I deduced this after the most physically painful night of my entire life to date, last night. I have broken bones, gone through TWO abcessed molars, another (what I thought at the time at least) bad kidney stone, and some other gruesome shit I won't detail here. Point is, this was by a WIDE margin the most excruciating thing I've ever experienced. Wailing, screaming into a pillow agony. For serious.

At first, I convinced myself that I had a fatal bowel obstruction. Curses, half-assed Internet research! Took a while for me to actually figure it out, I was hurting so bad I literally couldn't think straight. My whole body felt weak and shaky. I contemplated calling an ambulance for over two hours. When I took an ambulance 10 years ago, I got a bill for $700. Zod only knows what it would cost now.

I actually called H and asked him to come home from work after 2 solid hours of screaming pain. We decided that I could take a cab to emergency (They will drive you to Emergency as long as you can enter and exit the cab by yourself--honestly, I was not sure I could) It took 3 hours for H to get to me because he was working alone and a manager drove in from an hour away to cover for him. I seriously thought I was dying until I realized that it was just a goddamn kidney stone. I didn't go to emergency as spending a couple hundred bucks to ultimately be given some painkillers and sent home with a follow up appointment--it just didn't seem financially prudent.

By 5am, it was over and I felt more or less fine. Exhausted and somehow dehydrated, despite drinking 2 litres of water and at least 12oz of aloe juice since midnight. Thank Zod I had some in the house.

Presumably, this will mean tests and more tests. Expensive tests. As such, I will not be able to take time off the day job to finish The Finster Effect. I'm gonna do my damnest to finish it on time anyway--but who the hell knows?
Once H and I determined I was not about to die, I took some more midol and a sleeping pill and went to bed around 5:30am. I'm exhausted and frazzled, and am not doing fuckall today except going to see my buddy's band play. I hardly ever go out to do things that aren't a meal or a movie, so this will be nice.

Shit. I was also supposed to put up the Bear McCreary interview last night. Guess I better try to do it today.

In better news, the Miraculous Bed Swap of 2011 is tomorrow, provided everything goes according to plan. A nice family is taking our old bed, along with a mattress cover I got but never even took out of the package. And we're buying a $2800 Tempurpedic King for $500.
wednes: (Guernica)
...which means, Take THAT, Guernica!
I was asked recently why I use that expression to indicate triumph. It was mere days after [personal profile] porcelain72 and I were discussing ye olde Critic. I'm not sure why that show didn't last longer. Even if no one remembers Ed Koch, making fun of shitty movies never gets old. Anyway...this is why:

Franklin is a good guy. That's why the balloon doggies commanded that he be their secretary.

I am stepping up to the plate for my interview segment for Zombie Zone News. If you haven't been reading my stuff over there, , you really should. Even though I'm not making any real money yet, having a reason to write a bunch of nerdy stuff about zombies is kinda badass. Without doing a bunch of douchey name-dropping, I can tell you that some pretty amazing people are letting me interview them. I'm talking about people that I've admired for freaking EVER. I'm feeling pretty damn invincible round about now.

Except that JoJo ate my dinner (I left it out for a minute because I didn't think he'd eat asparagus and roasted beets), and I have to go to bed so I can get up and go to the stupid day-job tomorrow.
wednes: (Queen of <3's)
This past weekend, I did my first ever appearance at a body-positive event. Preemptive disclaimer about the kind(s) of fuckery that will not be tolerated in the comments. ) These kinds of things are also referred to as "Fat Acceptance," "BBW/BHM events," "Health-at-Every-Size" initiatives, or may be associated with NAAFA or similar group. This particular one involved a new group called Love Your Body Detroit. The event was a fundraiser called BODYSLAM. There were vendors, poetry and prose, foodstuffs, and an art display--The Vagina Show to be exact. I like vagina's as much as the next person, but stuff like this is just silly to me:

I am so much more than my vag (excuse me, my yoni), my period, etc.

Anywhoo, it was held at the Trumbullplex. The chicks were awesome, the crowd was fun, there was a chick selling underwear with a diagram of uteri printed on the front, and some that said "yes means yes." There was also an artist named Alex Heberling who did a great drawing of me. Once H scans it, I'll be using it as a profile pic here and there. Eventually, I'll teach the world that not all women in horror are barely 18, half-naked, and repeatedly falling on their asses after tripping over nothing.

A few pics from the evening )

Oddly, there aren't any pics of me at the show. There is, however, some video. I've never actually posted a video of myself online before. Because you see...I'm pretty fat. Not someone who could be confused with chubby, no. I'm She'd be so pretty if... fat. AKA, Doesn't she know she could drop dead of a heart attack any second?!? fat. I exercise every day. Really. And while I do love cheeseburgers, I generally eat pretty well. I feel a great need to explain (read excuse) my weight, and insist that when judging me, people factor in my thyroid, depression, medication, etc etc etc so they know I'm trying. So they know I'm not lazy, not a gluttonous pig, not any of the things they assume I am based on my size. I am so uncomfortable looking at the footage of myself at the event, that it's a damn good thing I showed up.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm also a goddamn genius. I'd take that over being a skinny idiot any damn day of the week. I couldn't get this vid to upload at my site, so I'm actually posting it publicly on YouTube, thereby making it viewable to the entire interwebs. If people are mean enough to me, maybe I can redeem myself on Daniel Tosh's show. ;-]
wednes: (slow death)
Oh, Happy Day!
For my custom jewelry from Etsy arrived. As some of you know, the discovery of Etsy has led to me not wanting any jewelry if there's a chance that someone else has the exact same thing. Everything is either one-of-a-kind or made in small runs. I'd been waiting for a particular piece to arrive; and today--it did!

Here are two more, including the back )

This other pendant I got actually contains a pic of the artist herself. Hence these are the most amazing bits of collectible hoo-ha that I have ever owned. I never thought anything would be cooler than those NotLD graphic novels with the sweet pencil drawings. Because I don't drive, am poor, and hate crowds, I don't go to the cons like most other fans. So I've never met Kyra, or George, or Savini, or Ken Foree, or any of the other cats that do cons all the time. Lucky for me, many of these peeps are on the Facebook now. ;-] Kyra is funny and friendly, so that's awesome. She also offered to add me to her links page on her site--which I am quite over-the-moon about.

Someone told me recently that they had "No idea" that I was a fan of Night of the Living Dead. They didn't know that NotLD and Psycho are two of my top three movies of all time (the other being Cecil B DeMille's remake of The Ten Commandments--but I don't always make it a point to share that with horror fans). Needless to say, I was shocked by this. It's only on every bio and profile page I have on the entire Internet. I've been watching NotLD at least every-other month since I was a wee Wednes. I've had a zombie defense plan complete with marked-up maps, minor weaponry, and wind-up radios since I was in jr high. My overall lousiness with guns makes me uneasy at times. I'm the kid that non-horror people think of when they see anything zombie related. Zombies have always been my thing--which is why it's weird that zombies are the subject of my 5th novel (though 4th published one) and not the first. I started a zombie novel in 1995 but never finished it--I wasn't really a writer yet, just a wannabe.
If I'm being completely honest with myself (and the all of you's) I have to admit that this jewelry is extra, extra cool because the artist is the most iconic female in all of horror (Well, MAYBE after the Bride of Frankenstien).
wednes: (Night of the Living MadLib)
I have, on many occasions, stated that I blame Dan O'Bannon for the unfortunate phenomenon in which everybody and their brother thinks that zombies say Braaaains. People, this is simply not the case. Zombies do not speak. They just don't. If they can breathe, and think, and decide exactly what kind of public servant they'd like for nom noms, how the hell are they even zombies? Not even the Army Copse of Engineers could pull that off.

Today, I had the good fortune of having my assertion confirmed by none other than John Russo.

And there was much rejoicing.
wednes: (Santa?)
If you're curious to know how our holiday was, this is where you can find that out. )

And then, this happened:

Back to work tomorrow for a 3-day week. Dropping down on the hours so I can get some real work done. Have to finish The Finster Effect by the end of summer, which means I'll be working my ass off on it. New podcast ep this week, and new ZZN article and ParaBlog article too. That's right, no more dicking around. Back to the REAL work! Apparently the main difference between being somewhat talented and actually being successful is a metric fuckton of hard work. My new desk setup is awesome, so I really have no excuse for not getting everything done that I need to do. Well--unless that new HDMI cable that lets me watch downloaded vids on my big TV counts as an "excuse." I'm hoping not...but there is an awful lot of Bugs Bunny here.
wednes: (Night of the Living MadLib)
Anyone who knows me knows that I take zombies pretty seriously. I've had a zombie plan since I was in junior high, and used to spend a lot of time mapping out routes, safe (and more importantly UNsafe) zones, hoarding supplies, etc. My fear of zombies is the only reason I know anything about guns at all is so I can shoot them in the head. Even though we now know that gunfire attracts zombies (I learned it from grizzly bears, but then Walking Dead spilled the beans for everybody), I still feel good about being a decent shot. My new book is also about zombies, which is odd, since the first novel I ever tried to write (but never finished, turned it into a rock opera instead) was also a zombie story.

When someone is accused of making zombies, mine ears perk up. When that someone is in Haiti of all places--the zombie capital of the world, I get a little edgy. And when someone is jailed for creating little kid zombies and held there without a lawyer, I begin to consider a declaration of shenanegans. Poor guy gave up a construction business to help out after the Haitian earthquakes, and now he's in some godawful prison that Anderson Cooper said is one of the worst places to be on Earth. And he'd know...he's handsome. ;-]

We talk a lot about how America is so messed up, poor people going without basic needs, 9/11 first responders losing their homes due to medical bills, rich people not having a clue about what poor people go through. But man...I'm not sure so it's America. There are blithering asshats all over the world who'd step on their brother's neck if they thought there was a diamond in it. Maybe mankind of destined to allow the strong to prey on the weak until zombies are absolutely everywhere.
wednes: (Guernica)
Well, my fundraiser has been a smashing success. As of this morning, I have enough money to get the basics I need to make my home work space all nice and Ergonomic. Managed to create a ton more work for myself, a couple of short stories and some nicely written Haiku, but it'll be totally worth it. My new elbow braces are keeping my hands from hurting, so that is cool.
Side note, do not slather Bengay or other icy/hot numbing stuff on and then use the rest room. It feels kinda funny...I've never actually wanted my lady parts to be minty fresh. *snerk*

Going to watch The Walking Dead finale with H when I get home. I'm digging the show very much, but not wild about a 6 episode season. C'mon...even HB freakin' O can do better than that. Still, chompy goodness. Me likee. Would kind of like to see Michael Rooker again, but that seems unlikely.

New article posted over at Zombie Zone News reviewing the new zombie short film: Opstandelsen AKA Resurrection. The director hit me up to thank me, and I'm going to be interviewing him in a few weeks. Sweeeet.

I'm the guest on ParaWomen Radio this Thursday. Haven't done the show since my last book came out, so I'm stoked to be back on. I guess the guest they had scheduled bowed out, so it's all me. I'll post a link later so's you can listen. I know you want to.

EDIT: ParaWomen Radio is actually on Tuesdays now. So, I'll be on tomorrow at 9pm. So there.
wednes: (Peanut Butter/Jelly)
Here’s the deal: I am dealing with both carpal and corpal tunnel "syndrome." My hands go numb and/or have pain. It also makes me drop things, and makes it painful to type. I wear wrist braces most of the time now, and have recently added elbow braces (to protect my poor ulnar nerve from getting squished). If I can’t get this under control, not only will I be pained and whiney, but I may need surgery and will have to drastically curtail my writing, producing, and marketing efforts. That would be a tragedy for us all.
I have to do an entire rework of my home office space (chair, desk, keyboard, shelves, optical mouse, etc), and it’s going to set me back a couple hundred dollars. And that’s where YOU come in!

I am accepting donations of any amount, but for certain amounts, you get prizes:

A $5 donation will get you a scary haiku on a subject of MY choosing, sent via Email.

A donation of a mere $10 will get you a handwritten scary haiku on a subject of YOUR choosing. I’ll put it on nice stationery, and send it via the good people at the US postal service.

A donation of $15 will get you a super scary home-made CD signed by me and shipped to you or someone of your choosing.

A donation of $25 will get you any one of my three published novels (you pick), signed, personalized and shipped to you--or any horror fan on your holiday gift-giving list.

A donation of $50 or more will allow you, or a person of your choosing, to be a minor character in my new novel—which is coming out in 2012. Email me for details on this one.

And a donation of $75 or more will get a 1,200+ word short story on a subject of your choosing. You may also choose one ORIGINAL character (no fanfic *shudder*) to be in the story. Again, Email me with questions if you have any.

Donations may be sent to H’s PayPal account:
Be sure to provide info on which item(s) you’d like, and whom they need to be shipped to. Contact me privately if you have questions or want to donate via postal mail.

Many of the items I need are also on my Universal/Amazon wish list, so if you want to, you can send me something outright. Of course, no one should feel bad for not donating, or for thinking I’m a tool for even asking. That’s all good. But if you can donate, you’ll have my undying gratitude, as well as a mention in the “thanks” page of my next published novel.
wednes: (Reid Love)
Leslie Neilsen died, which if you're on the Internets, you probably already know. Sad, as I recently wrote an article about Creepshow for Zombie Zone News. He didn't even get a chance to comment on it. Frown.

My 40th birthday party was wicked awesome. I'd love to regale you with pics, stories, and tales of all the awesome people, gifts, foodstuffs, drinkables, and etc that went down. However, my corpal tunnel is out of freakin' control. Despite wearing my braces religiously, it hurts to type. In fact, the only really comfortable position for my hands is curled into a loose fist. Also, my pinkie fingers occasionally go numb even if I'm just resting my hands. Need to get an ergo keyboard for my laptop immediately. I am terrified of hand surgery, and tend to freak out about medical shit long before my doctor actually tells me what's going on. Seeing the doc on Weds. I'm so worried, I'm going at 9:25am instead of waiting a week.

The party was awesome though. All the food turned out great. It was our largest crowd ever, with many of my favorite peeps in attendance. Some came from far and wide just to be there. I got some beautiful gifts-- like a cool dream-catcher, a thing or two off my wish list, some lovely and/or hilarious cards. The outpouring of genuine affection was indescribably amazing. I'm not one to use the word blessed, so I'll just say I am fucking lucky. Here is me and just one of the incredible gifts I got:

Also had no voice to speak of *heh* when I woke up. After drinking tea all day, it's a bit better. So I'll have to go to work tomorrow, unlike today.
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
I know intellectually that when talking about skin-cancer, that there is a 98% chance that it is no big whoop. Nothing to get upset about. It's not gonna kill me--which means it can only make me stronger, or more scarred up. I decided that when they do cut this ugly splotch off my head, that it will leave a big scar, that I will then have tattoo'd to look like a Harry Potter scar. People will then mock me on the Internets, equating me with Twilight fans who get Edward tats across their entire back. And I will hate them--because I dig the hell out of Harry Potter mythos, but I'm not really into fucking any of the characters. C'mon...I'm a grown woman.

My point is that I have a solid plan in place for dealing with this. I'm reasonably certain it's cancer. It's been changing size, shape, and color. Plus, my mom just had the same thing happen--which leads me to suspect it might be psyche meds that are causing it since she and I became cancerous at roughly the same time even though my mom is 20 years older than I. I started taking meds in my 20's, and she in her late 40's. But that is mainly guesswork and conjecture.

Even though I have a plan, a ride, and insurance--for some reason I am absolutely petrified of going to this appointment tomorrow. I want to cancel it and just not go. I don't want them looking at me, I don't want to get sliced up, and I don't want to have to tell people in my life that I have cancer. Cancer, like witchcraft, or drugs--scares people needlessly.

I have a long and glorious history of freaking out over things that later turn out to be nothing. Of course I am hoping this is one of those times. But I honestly can't recall being this frightened--at least not since the last time I had legal trouble, 15 or so years ago. know...Yipes!

On a completely unrelated topic, H and I have been married 3 years as of today.
Funny, since we started living together in 1999.
wednes: (Kittens)

I cooked some bacon in paper towels (the microwave kind) and hung the paper towel in the doorway. He digs those out of the trash without fail. Finally, around 11:30 I was just about to give up for today and go to bed, we heard him. I went outside and talked him out of running away for about 30 minutes. I shook food at him, threw treats and pieces of cheese, smooshed up some dry catnip and put it by me. Eventually he just came over and let me pet him, and I grabbed him.

It looks like somebody might have taken a swipe at his ear, but other than that he appears to be fine. After 20 minutes or so of growling, he was back to being his old affectionate self. He's already calm and resting. He is getting a new reflective collar and a blinky charm that goes off whenever he moves in the dark. No bells though. He's plenty loud and will not require a bell.
wednes: (Default)
So here it is, the cut that will henceforth be known as the Larry Balong. I also got some good snaps of the color, since it's pretty badass. I'm going to redo the blue tomorrow as it kinda faded off the bottom.

Turns out, the Larry Balong is a great cut. Very similar to Bre's. The stylist (who was AWESOME, by the way) was Ashley at Regis at Briarwood Mall. She gave me this kickass deep conditioning, and you totally can't tell my hair was recently ravaged by bleach. And believe me when I tell you that this morning--it was obvious that my hair had been ravaged by bleach. She put in this deep conditioner and I had to sit under the dryer like the chicks in that one scene from Carrie. I sat there and read a book (I'm reading the Bio of Daisy and Violet Hilton) while my hair got all nice and moisturized. Then...the cut.

It's Layery in the front and back, so it can be poofy both places.
It won't actually be this straight normally. She used the blow dryer and a giant round brush.
I did get some kind of volumizing tub of something to smear into my hair. And some kind of sculpting stuff that will be awesome if I ever decide to bust out with a faux hawk.

The back is really short, so it's totally off my neck. Awesome!

As you can see...the pink kinda got away from me.

But in the end...I turn out adorable.

Once I get my new glasses next week, I'll have a whole new face.
Then hopefully, new publicity pics!

Also, I'm looking for podcast people who might want to trade 60 second promos with me.
Know anyone?
wednes: (Default)
My iPod has magically transfigured itself into a piece of crap. This is disappointing since I was hoping it would remain an iPod for a good while longer. Granted, it was my own folly to buy a refurb (from Apple, I'm not crazy!) and not get the Applecare. I was light on funds and really wanted the classic instead of the Nano. Now it is possessed of a problem. If I forget and restart my computer while the iPod is plugged in, it creates a database error that makes it so I can't get into any of my files--except the ones I dragged and dropped there for safe keeping. The only solution is to restore it, which erases the whole goddamn thing. This happened last month and it took me weeks to redownload and format everything. iTunes doesn't let you redownload stuff you've already bought (anymore--dicks!), so I was just out that $80 or so. Then last Saturday night, it happened again. Fie and frown. I burned some stuff onto discs, but as I only have a combo drive and not a super drive, I'm limited that way. So I just have to be really careful or risk losing everything all over again. I really do need to invest in some hard drive space.

Am supposed to be working on two different short stories that I wanted to submit, like...yesterday. I have two great ideas that I should be able to bring in within the proper word limit. I just don't have any goddamn time. Plus all this rapid mental cycling is making it difficult to focus. Plus I'm working and doing the podcast and a few other random projects. I can't even express how much I'd like to quit my day job. But I'm no where near that point financially. But you know, money-wise, I've always been a complete failure. It's a good thing I've got a swell personality.

And now, for your daily cute:

These are cracking me up at the mo' so I thought I'd share.

Got the coolest present from [ profile] uterdic and [ profile] smarbaby, who just got back from Harry Potter Land, or whatever they're calling it. SIRIUS BLACK'S WAND!! I know, right? And I'm telling you, it's badass.

I haven't taken any good pics of my hair, but the stripes are in. They turned out more like swaths, actually. Lots of blue on one side, and plenty o' hot pink on the other. The blue is already coming out of the bottom of my hair, presumably because that's the part that's been processed the most. I'm taking that as a cue to get a haircut. I was kind of inspired by [ profile] thehula's new 'do. I prolly won't go quite that short, but almost.

Will have new glasses pretty soon. Picked them out today at the new eye doctor. Spent $60 finding out I don't have macular degeneration or glaucoma. Hooray for the gift of sight! The news specs are a bit more understated than my current pair. I figured I'd dial it back a notch since I have clown hair right now. I don't want to do the full-out Penelope Garcia. Then again...I kinda do.
H thinks I make a lot of "gaudy" choices regarding hair and accessories. He also points out that I never buy anything beige, brown, orange, gold, tan, or any mottled color aside from gray-blue. That's mainly because I'm a winter. But I'm sure the fact that my parents couldn't get enough of those gross 70's Earth Tones and splashed them all over our old house is a contributing factor.

September 2017



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