Whaddaya MEAN You've Never Heard of Me?!?

I disagreed with Jon Stewart last night. Aside from his occasional making fun of fat people--it's rare that Stewbeef and I disagree. But I don't understand the problem with the IRS "scandal." Groups get zillions of dollars from giant corporations, and they don't have to tell anyone where it comes from. Said groups then get to spend that money however they want--so long as they don't "coordinate" with a candidate. As we learned last election season, "not-coordinating" can involve being someone's parent or child, being their BFF, or even being their former coordinator. We saw churches telling congregations who they should vote for--threatening them with hell if they didn't. Yet none of these people paid taxes under the guise of being community based. Really?

So now the IRS is in the wrong for saying "let's look at groups that are advertising themselves as political?" Well duh. If I start a business called "Wednesday's Pot Emporium" and one called "Wednesday's Earthen Jars" it should not surprise me if one of these names gets more police scrutiny than the other.
I'm not clear on how this makes Obama a monster, or how this means the nutter screaming that the nigger Kenyan is coming for our freedomz is suddenly correct. I admit that I think the Tea Party is a oligarchal monster pretending to be an offshoot of ACORN (funny how grass roots organizations are awesome when they're for freeedumz).

In the end, I'd like to see Elizabeth Warren and Al Franken in charge of absolutely everything. Guys like Boehner, Paul Ryan, et al can give all their money to the poor (as Jesus commands) and get a shit job working at Wal*Mart.

As for me, I've got a zillion things going on, only some of which are firmly poised to blow up in my face. I'm also reading Under the Dome, which is seriously adding to my stress. I found out that the bad guy, Big Jim Rennie is being played by the DEA brother-in-law from Breaking Bad. Good call.

H and I invited another couple for dinner last night. We used our tax money to get a vacuum cleaner, so we're less embarrassed to have people over now. I made falafel, quinoa with veggies, and hummus. They brought choco peanut butter brownies, and some baklava. Mmmmmm...

I enjoy Valentines Day. So fucking sue me--as soon as you're done complaining about it, I mean. If you really find things to hate in hearts, candy, and couple-flavored fun, I might humbly suggest that you're a bitter crank? Did Cupid run over your dog or something? Giving people cards, candy, and small gifts is totally fun and nice whether it's for your partner, your sibling, or the harried single mom in the next cubicle. If you really can't bring yourself to join in the fun for some crank reason, at the very least, stop trying to ruin the good times for others...you bitter fucking crank.

To whit, I got H a Blu-Ray copy of Flash Gordon (the movie with the kickass Queen soundtrack). It was astonishingly cheap and has awesomely heroic Alex Ross art on the cover. What? You don't like Alex Ross either? Damn, you ARE a crank.
I also got H a book about the making of Star Trek, Next Generation. It is really thick and cool and has an introduction by Ronald D Moore, who H is very fond of. He's already read me some fascinating stories from it. We're having Valentine's Day today because H works on Thursday. I'm making his favorite dinner tonight: chili con carne--which we call Chili.

H is in the kitchen right now, making a cake. Yeah, you heard right. He did this once before, and I literally talked about it for years. I even called his mom to tell her, back when she and I were friends (before the wedding). He's making the same cake again today. It's a flourless chocolate cake that requires him to melt chocolate in the double boiler, separate eggs, and whip cream by hand. I sure as hell don't do that when *I* make a cake.
See kids, that is romance. Not about money and mall jewelry necessarily, but about stepping out of your comfort zone to do things you wouldn't normally do. We're poor as shit and may never own a home or be able to retire. But we have a wonderful life, mainly because we're good and kind to each other.
And we don't have any kids. ;-] I don't know how people do that...


In other news, the marketing gig is being written off as a big bust.
Dang and Fie! But fuck that guy.
(Ha! That totally rhymes)
Kiss Me Like You Love Me is in editing and will be getting a new cover design--mainly because I don't own the rights to the other one. I won the battle to not have Mikey on the cover. Yay for that! It should be back out as an E-book in a few weeks, with the audiobook following as soon as I can schedule the recording sessions. A Stabbing for Sadie will be next.
Still looking to pick up part-time work in writing, editing, SEO, marketing, and the like. So if you know anyone...I'm WAY better at social media than say, whoever is doing that for Applebees.

H wanted to watch Flash Gordon today while we were eating our pancakes.
We decided that Flash really could use a Hollywood facelift.
As such, we've decided on a cast:

Flash: Chris Hemsworth (because it's Hollywood)

Ming the Merciless: Patrick Stewart

Aura: Zoe Soldana

Zoltan: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Klytus: Ian Glen (Sir Jorah from Game of Thrones)

Dale Arden: Ellen Page

Hans Zarkoff: Robin Williams

Prince Baron: Bradley Cooper

General Calla: Angelina Jolie

*makes grabby hand motion*
Funding Please!

While I'm here, I did put up a new podcast ep today. Chaps 31 and 32 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me. It's a good 'un too. The new Mikey is creepy as shit!

H and I got this for Christmas, and it's totally taken this long for me to post pics of it. I know, right?


Get it? CAPRICA? Toaster? Hahahahahahahaha!

( I forgot to resize one of the pics, so it's going under a cut for hugeness )


In other news, recording with my first child actor went swimmingly. He was enthusiastic and professional. I learned that a lot of the same skills one uses in customer service also help when working with children. There are pics of that event, but they will not be posted here. Sorry...

My interview with Night of the Living Dead's Judith O'Dea is now posted over to the Zombie Zone News. It's a really good one. She's a delight!

Yeah, so I was supposed to get caught up on all the work I've been slacking on due to The Finster Effect. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to get anything done with a houseguest. I kind of figured H and Girl-H would be out seeing movies, going to the arcade, or just generally not being here so I could work. But no. I've barely gotten anything done since Friday. And oddly enough, H got totally attitudey with me when I asked him to clear out so I could record before Girl-H woke up. I didn't make it, and a 20 minute recording took well over an hour. And I still have to edit, mix and post it. I'm super pissed off though, so I'm getting stuff off my chest so that anything I write today doesn't turn out sarcastic. I have to edit and post the Save Evans City Cemetery Chapel article, and draft that Dead Mann Walking book review. Spoiler Alert: I liked it!

Come to think of it, I was pissed off yesterday. Still sick--food poisoning, I think. Had to go to work and every single call I took was some older-than-Moses person who wanted me to explain how the internet worked. 'Tis the season for people who know less than fuck-all about the stuff they want to buy for their kids and grandkids, nieces and nephews, and then they want to argue with me about the stuff they know nothing about. For the record:
--There is no key of 6. Key signatures are in letters, genius.
--Cellos do not require chinrests.
--A viola needs four strings, and 13 inches is NOT "as big as they come."
--You can't use a pencil, vaseline, or tacky glue instead of rosin.
--The bow does not have strings on it. It has hair. Horsehair.
--We do not sell "vegan" bows. Fake bowhair sounds like ass.
--Everything that costs more than $20 is not necessarily a "ripoff."
--No, I will not transcribe the music before I send it. Even if I knew how, I wouldn't.
--No, I will not drive to the post office to stop your package because you ordered the wrong thing.
--No, it is not a good idea to leave a water resistant case out in the rain, idiot.
--No, I will not give you a discount just because you asked.
--No, you cannot have free shipping because you're a long-time customer.

Plus, my November sales bonus that I intended to use to buy Girl-H's gift was not even big enough to buy the warranty for her gift. The bonus scale already screws part timers because it's based on a 40-hour work week. But now that they've given me a zillion other jobs to do, I have even less time on the phones to make sales. Combine that with the fact that they took our holiday pay and I'm down a couple hundred dollars a year before I pay for a single cab.
Long story short, I really need to get the hell out of that place.

Quickly, TV-wise:
--Dexter is rocking my socks. I still really want Deb to die, though I love her more than ever this season.
--American Horror Story is consistently awesome and continues to kick my ass. Last week's reveal was truly magnificent. I heart Tate.
--Still watching Terra Nova. Meh.
--Boardwalk Empire finale was terribly upsetting. Fuck Eli.
--Bag of Bones is on the DVR, hopefully I'll have time to watch soon.

To sum up, I'm cranky and irritated and have tons of work to do.
Off I go then...

The day-job is alarmingly not-shitty so far this week. In a mere 5 hours, I'll be off until Friday. Nice. We have a few new peeps who seem pretty good, and I'm happy to know that we're actually doing some hiring. Kind of tired of seeing working people get shafted over and over.

Heard from a person recently who literally believes homosexuality is a choice. I am baffled as to how someone who's ever been in love, or a teenager, can make that claim. Didn't everybody go through that phase when you have a mad crush on someone and couldn't get them out of your head no matter what? Can't study, everything reminds you of them, dirty thoughts etc? You have no "control" over those feelings. You can't switch them off or redirect them at another person, or another gender. You'd think the staggering numbers of gay teen suicides alone would make it abundantly clear that getting your ass kicked by dumb jocks and disowned by your parents is not a "choice." Michelle Bachman's "ex-gay" husband not withstanding.

Book went to Beta Readers yesterday. I anxiously await their commentary. Taking a break to catch up on interview Q's, podcast editing, articles, and a short story I've been pondering for a bit. I keep thinking that if I do enough networking and virtual mingling, that eventually I'll meet that one person with the power to propel me to fame. Truthfully though, it seems like successful writers are so because they work and write their asses off.
Hard work, feh. ;-]

The budget? No, I'm not discussing it. I'll just mention that I have enough faith in Obama to say that I think he's got something up his sleeve. He has a way of busting out with the good stuff at just the right moment. (Giggity) I believe in you, Barack.

And finally: Fuck, I'm tired.

Contrary to the drunken conversations I've been having since high school, I will be going to my day-job tomorrow even though it's the day before The Rapture. Granted, a Friday night shift promises to be largely devoid of actual work. And I'll be coming home to stay up all night and write. Or wandering the desolate earth, looting and crying out for my lost opportunities to bond with a non-mexican named Jesus. Either way, I'll be working on The Finster Effect.

To paraphrase a movie I like:
This book is so goddamn good, it makes my heart hurt.

Still have not figured out the source of my podcast audio issues. Garageband produces stutters in the vocals, like the reverse of a skip--repeating a small segment of the vocal so it sounds like a stutter. Sometimes it does it two or three times in succession. I don't understand it. I don't know how to fix it. And I'm tired of it making me look like a chump. The Apple Geniuses were NOT aptly named in this case. It's not my recorder, it's Garageband. It's not related to memory, or disc space. Anybody have any ideas?

Are you guys aware of Poe? Not the goth horror guy, but the sister of the guy who wrote House of Leaves? She's a singer, and I love her. Her voice sounds like Sheryl Crow, but not annoying and not singing about being drunk, or on the beach, or drunk on the beach.

Anyway, if I'm wrong and this Saturday really *is* The Rapture, I'm going to feel very silly. Eternal torment for refusing to kowtow to the HDIC (Head Deity In Charge)? That's like a forever version of a bad customer service situation. Oh, so you refuse to believe in me just because there are no concrete signs of my existence? So...you're letting the fact that I've hidden myself from your kind for hundreds of years get in the way of the blind obedience some of your people claim I require? Well, then that's the last time I try to bring salvation here!
And being stuck on the earth while all the godly pious types ascend? That's gotta feel like having to stay at work after your shift ends because of a tornado. Really? I don't even have to be here anymore and I'm still here? Hmmm...nice cars around here. I'd probably be a pretty good driver if there was no one else on the road.

At Ye Olde Day Jobbe once again. It seems that the less I am here, the more coming in seems like a giant, annoying inconvenience. I want to stay home, wrestle with my Crazy, and finish this book. And kids, let me tell you that The Finster Effect is shaping up to be a damn good book. No idea if it will be done on time, but I'm totally going for it.

Killed a character last night, and not the one I was planning to kill. A lot of sad things are happening in this book. I guess Darabont and his penchant for zombie drama is rubbing off on me. Maybe Bear McCreary can score my book trailer, LOL. Speaking of which, I'm thinking that I will produce a book trailer this time around. It'll probably only take 3 or 4 times as long as producing a podcast ep. I'd just have to muddle through iMovie in a slightly better fashion than I muddle though Garage Band.

Glenn Beck's show is getting canceled. Before we celebrate the reemergence of sanity, let me remind you that this has everything to do with advertisers, and nothing whatever to do with conscience, reality, truth, fairness, or balance. Beck became so batshit crazy that pretty much only cheap gold hawkers, dehydrated food and bomb shelter companies, and Depends undergarments will actually advertise on his program. It doesn't mean that his batshit audience is maturing or regaining their sanity.

My annoyance with politics is once again, forcing me to take a step back. Every time Mike Huckabee opens his fat mouth, I just want to sock him in it. Fat bashing aside, all this Christian Nation bullshit gives me a rash. The biggest bite of it is, they don't actually want a charitable, kinder nation. When they say a Christian Nation they mean anti-gay rights, anti-choice, pro-war, and posting their Jebus rules on every building everywhere. Somehow, they also mean pro-death penalty, no gun restrictions, and violent rhetoric as far as the eye can see. They are no less "death to the infidels" than the fundie muslims they're always bitching about.

I have no problem with someone who says "I love Jebus." My issue is with those folks who think anyone who doesn't love Jebus is a Satanist, terrorist, amoral, evil, or trying to ruin this great Xian nation of ours.

This past weekend, I did my first ever appearance at a body-positive event. ( Preemptive disclaimer about the kind(s) of fuckery that will not be tolerated in the comments. ) These kinds of things are also referred to as "Fat Acceptance," "BBW/BHM events," "Health-at-Every-Size" initiatives, or may be associated with NAAFA or similar group. This particular one involved a new group called Love Your Body Detroit. The event was a fundraiser called BODYSLAM. There were vendors, poetry and prose, foodstuffs, and an art display--The Vagina Show to be exact. I like vagina's as much as the next person, but stuff like this is just silly to me:

I am so much more than my vag (excuse me, my yoni), my period, etc.

Anywhoo, it was held at the Trumbullplex. The chicks were awesome, the crowd was fun, there was a chick selling underwear with a diagram of uteri printed on the front, and some that said "yes means yes." There was also an artist named Alex Heberling who did a great drawing of me. Once H scans it, I'll be using it as a profile pic here and there. Eventually, I'll teach the world that not all women in horror are barely 18, half-naked, and repeatedly falling on their asses after tripping over nothing.

( A few pics from the evening )

Oddly, there aren't any pics of me at the show. There is, however, some video. I've never actually posted a video of myself online before. Because you see...I'm pretty fat. Not someone who could be confused with chubby, no. I'm She'd be so pretty if... fat. AKA, Doesn't she know she could drop dead of a heart attack any second?!? fat. I exercise every day. Really. And while I do love cheeseburgers, I generally eat pretty well. I feel a great need to explain (read excuse) my weight, and insist that when judging me, people factor in my thyroid, depression, medication, etc etc etc so they know I'm trying. So they know I'm not lazy, not a gluttonous pig, not any of the things they assume I am based on my size. I am so uncomfortable looking at the footage of myself at the event, that it's a damn good thing I showed up.



Yeah, I'm fat. I'm also a goddamn genius. I'd take that over being a skinny idiot any damn day of the week. I couldn't get this vid to upload at my site, so I'm actually posting it publicly on YouTube, thereby making it viewable to the entire interwebs. If people are mean enough to me, maybe I can redeem myself on Daniel Tosh's show. ;-]

Ah yes, the Gregorian calendar year. Makes basically no sense, has to be adjusted ever four years, and puts the new year in the silliest place imaginable. Anyway, let's reflect on the year, shall we?

( Resolutions, how we did last year; and looking ahead )

The year in TV had a few highlights. Unlike a lot of people, I loved the LOST finale. Still haven't bought the last season. I need to though, not like I have time to watch it.
Season 3 of True Blood was delightful. I adored seeing Denis O'Hare all flamboyantly jazzed up and creating discord. Even more fun than the fantastic Michelle Forbes last season.
The Walking Dead has lots to like about it. But not a whole lot that's new. Really, the most unique thing about it is that it focuses on the drama rather than the horror.
Caprica was well written and acted, not really sure why it was cancelled except that SyFy is probably trying to save up to buy more wrestling shows. Jackasses. That they have the nerve to show CGI crapfests all weekend long and then cancel the smartest show they had does not bode well for their future as a nerd approved network. Then again, neither did spelling their name with 2 Y's.
I discovered Criminal Minds this year, bidding Law & Order a fond farewell; and Dexter which made me realize that KMLYLM is darker than I realized.
The year's low lights include season 2 of Hung, V, The Event, and anything FOX plays on Sundays that is not a cartoon.

In movies, I really enjoyed The following new movies:
Inception
Harry Potter 7.1
Piranha 3D
Iron Man 2
Shutter Island
I also dug a few movies I'd been meaning to watch:
Let the Right One In
REC
Martyrs
Home Movie
The Road
No Country for Old Men
Inglourious Basterds

I also discovered Jack Ketchum this year. God damn, he is like the find of a lifetime. He has altered the way I look at horror and the writing of it, the creation of fear, boundaries, how to take people along for the ride, how to build suspense without the reader even realizing. He is just fucking incredible. Not being him, I just don't have the words to fully express the profundity with which I adore his work. I was also reminded that some fantastic novels have been turned into some bland, awful films. Sadly, The Girl Next Door is one such instance. I still don't think the people who made that movie understand why the book is good.

As for me, I turned 40 this year without incident. I had a tiny cancer scare and learned that all my friends are wonderful people. My third horror (and best to date, if I may say so) novel was published. I produced my very first audiobook CD which a great many amazing talents supported and participated in. I appeared in my third published anthology and my first hardcover. I had my first classy book release party, and got my first bit of hate mail based solely on one of my books.

Happy Pretend New Year, Everyone!
As the late, great Carlin would say "Bye Bye! Don't let self doubt interfere with your plans to improve your life!" Well, some people need practical advice.

Have to run out to WAAM in a bit to rerecord some stuff for the podcasts I am NOT producing this month. Next ep will go live on my birthday, November 24th. Starting next month we'll be back to novel chapters etc. produced by me. Not sure how I plan to finish this draft, bake Xmas cookies, work 4-days a week, write for ParaWomen and ZZN, and still produce a new podcast ep every other week. But I guess I have to. How the hell else is anybody going to figure out who the hell I am, right?

Have a big pile of notes on stuff that will need to be rewritten for the second draft of The Finster Effect. The story is coming along fine, but a lot of it is passive voice, and there's far too much telling and not enough showing. Overall, I loves it! These dog chapters are breaking my sad little heart.

Haven't seen Harry Potter 7.1 yet. Didn't make it to the midnight show for various reasons, and have been home all day today writing. Plan to see it tomorrow some time after work. Yeah, working a long day tomorrow, and the shopping orgy madness is well underway.
Saturday night movie crowds are my most hated of all movie crowds. People better turn their goddamn cell phones off and take their crying kids the fuck out of the theatre. I know it's PG-13, but for fuck's sake! If you must take your 5-year-old to that movie and pretend it's not scary, at least take them to a friggin' matinee. Thank you.

If you are interested in seeing my articles over at the Zombie Zone News, bookmark this page because it's where my new stuff will get posted. First up is a compare and contrast of REC v Quarantine that was posted today.

If it reads like I wrote it stoned in the middle of the night...I have no idea why that is.
Enjoy!

Speaking of your enjoyment, Chapters 13 & 14 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me are available now on my website. You can also subscribe via the iTunes to Take a Stab at THIS! Chandra kind of sounds like someone is being loud in the background. My recorder is trying to incur my wrath, I can sense it.

And finally, mad thanks to Craig (I have no idea how to link people over here...is it the same?) for sending me a burned DVD of Dark Night of the Scarecrow to tide me over until the new release. It came in a slick Halloween card with Edgar Allan Poe stamps. It's damn cool.

You may have noticed that I'm still here at LJ despite my rather dramatic announcement from last week. You may suspect that because LJ reversed it's choice to allow sharing of our locked posts, that perhaps I would just go ahead and stay. This is emphatically NOT the case. I fully intend to make the move over to Dreamwidth. They have some cool features and do not appear to be dickheads. So that will be good. My weekend was filled with fun and productivity, so I simply did not have time to do it.

Friday night custardfairy drove me to a party at sarahmichigan's place. We watched a terrible "scary" movie, and there was food, wine, and hilarious and stimulating conversation. I totally have a girl-crush on a chick I met there.

Saturday night I finally mixed my new podcast ep. The day-job has been kicking my ass and I haven't had as much time to do my real work. absinthofheart took me out for a feast at Red Lobster--which is her fave chain restaurant. I had an amaretto sour, and many, many shrimps. Then back to my place for Lips on the Xbox. Once in a while, *I* get to be the loud, annoying neighbor. ;-]

My website hits are way, way down. Having to switch to every-other-week is hurting me much more than I thought it would. I am bummed, but as my main actor for KMLYLM simply cannot get me chapters every other week, this was really the only solution. Once again, fame eludes me and I'm feeling far too impatient to wait for it.

I have one week left to finish watching Season 5 of Criminal Minds. I want very much to be caught up by the Season 6 premiere on the 22nd. I have ten episodes left, and they are all on my iPod. *insert profound and relevant quote here*

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Me, young: That chick from the new Hairspray, and Huge.
Me, old: Kathy Najimy

H: Laurence Fishburn, duh

Pentelope: a Liger

Joey JoJo Junior Shabadoo: a swath of destruction

Ryan: Harrison Ford

Mark (my brother): Adrien Brody

Mom: Piper Laurie

Fascinating, no?


Just scored an exercise bike for $100. It's being dropped off on Sunday. Didn't even occur to me to ask if it had a weight limit. As some of you know, lots of exercise equipment is not designed for fat people. Not just Wii fit, but other things too. That is smart, because everybody knows that NO fat people exercise--EVER. And if they didn't want to spend $2,000 on exercise equipment that will accommodate their fatness, they shouldn't have gotten fat in the first place. That said, I hope this works out for me, and is not too hurty to my back and legs. EDIT: This did NOT work out for me. Weight limit: 250 llbs. I'd been wanting to get one for awhile but have had far too many expenses lately. In general, marketing a book is expensive. Podcasting is turning out to be expensive too, which leads me to my next announcement:

Our podcast schedule for new episodes is changing. It will now be every other week, instead of every week. Even though our eps are pretty short, it takes a long time to edit and mix them properly. Couple that with my actors also having lives and jobs and families and such, this seems much more reasonable for me. Plus you know, I am also working on what will become the greatest zombie novel since Serpent and the Rainbow. Yeah.

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For the love of God, HELP ME!!
I've been held in a fortune cookie factory for over 30 years.
Your lucky number is 420


I'm not going to finish the JulNoWriMo.
There, I said it.
I've never lost a monthly WriMo before, so it's new to me.
I have decided though, that I'm going to write 50K, I'm just stretching it out to two months. That way, I'll stay motivated and writing but not stress myself out or flake on things that are important. Like today, I have to record the vocal for tomorrows podcast, and cook a big rigatoni for me and H.
Speaking of Take a Stab at This! I've had lots of traffic. Not much in the way of feedback, but a lot of people are looking at it. A couple hundred every day, so that is good news. Sent my lead actor a refurbished iPod which he should be getting today. Might make my life easier to send him the new Zoom H1 recorder my work will be carrying soon. Maybe I'll be able to afford it soon. I still have to buy some copies of my books to have on hand, get new glasses, and then it'll totally be time to work on my Halloween costume, then Christmas and every jackass I know has a birthday in either November or December--the jerks!

Our organic food delivery is coming tomorrow. We're getting spinach (Stop. Omlette Time!) and chard, two pounds of red grapes, and some other stuff. Not exactly sure who is growing grapes in Michigan, though I guess there are wineries here. St Julian's has been around forever. I used to love their sparkling juices as a kid. I ordered a bottle of dressing to go with the great lettuces, tomatoes, and cukes we are getting. I've never been so excited for a salad in my life!

Finished season one of Dexter. Even though I guessed who the bad guy was almost immediately, I thought it was a very well written show. Jennifer Carpenter annoys the hell out of me, but whatever. I'm stoked to get going on season two, and bummed that there's a season 4 spoiler on the cover of the CD set. Thanks, Showtime. You're still not HBO, so just get over yourself already. I do love how so many networks have figured out that people will watch shows if you bother to make them good--and that plenty of people really do know the difference between Art and Product.

Still stuck on the "Dog" chapter of the new book. It's killing me. If I can't punch through it today, I'm just going to make a place holder and move on. After all, JulNoWriMo starts tonight at midnight. I know I said in December of 2008 that I was I was done with the WriMo's. I'm rethinking that, as I'm working on the new manuscript and need to invent some motivation that will make me bust through it while I still have these short work weeks. Come August, my day-job will be busy and I will feel like I don't have a second to myself. So I'll need to be "almost done" with the first draft before then.

My web site was having issues again last night. None of my databases were loading because of some SQL nonsense. They're back up today, and a good thing too. This week's new podcast episode is the chilling tale Whitman, I ain't. It's pretty short, and features a fun reading by porcelain72 and music by peteralway. If you haven't already subscribed via iTunes, you can find it here.
Not sure how pissed I should be about the website fail. I do pay a bit of money for that and this is the second time in two months it was out for more than 3 hours. Not cool. They should do like LJ and give me free time when they fuck up my site. But I'm not very computery, so I don't know if that's even reasonable.

Looking into getting fresh produce delivery on the weeks when we don't go to the grocery store. If you don't know, once every two weeks (payday weeks, duh) H and I cab it to the grocery store. It costs $20 round trip. We get everything we need, having made a careful list, and don't go back again unless there's some emergency--which is almost never. So we really only get to have fresh fruits and veggies the first week.
I'm trying to eat better, since I've been eating a lot of crap lately. If the kitchen isn't clean and I'm tired, I'd rather order out than clean it and then cook something. Sucks. But if I had a steady influx of fresh produce, I'd be stoked to cook more often. We're also talking about buying less meat and better snacks. We're getting too old to eat like college students 3-4 times a week. And it might not be necessary to keep potato chips in the house at all times. I'm also in the market for a cheap exercise bike if you know of any in the area.

Also planning to dye my hair up all crazy. Going to start by dying all of it either black or dark plum. Then, I'm going to bleach a few streaks in it and do some blue and pink. That's gonna be a riot. Somehow, pretending to be a youthful redhead just seems disingenuous the closer I get to 40. And who knows? Maybe soon I'll be rich and widely-read enough to be referred to as eccentric.

Since going on the new meds, I've found that my tolerance for annoyance has decreased considerably. For example, when people call me at work and begin each call with 10-20 seconds of Um...hi, yes. I want to um...do you need my last name or something, wait--is this the right department? Did I call *business*? Okay um...I bought um...I've been buying with your company since 1972, blah blah not getting to the fucking point blah. How difficult is it to succinctly tell me why you're calling and what the fuck you want? Is it really such a chore to be in the same room as your credit card, your list of things you want to order, or your child for whom you aren't sure what size instrument they need? How the hell am I supposed to help you without those things? YOU called ME! How are you not ready to talk about your issue? Some jackass today told me we "had no right" to authorize his credit card for the things he ordered, because donchaknow he changed his order later in the day? He ended up calling back 4 times and jackassery abounded every single time. So that sucks. Still, I have the kind of supervisors who are totally helpful and empathetic. Still, I'd like for these asshats to NOT piss me off as much as they do. I'm documenting this moodiness for posterity so I can tell the doc about it when I go in for my follow up appointment--which I totally need to make next week.

I'm also looking at distancing myself from all but a few people for a time. I'm finding myself getting really upset about things I can't do anything about. Not only is it painful and difficult to tell a friend I think they need mental help, but most of the time, the friend in question will be completely unwilling to consider what I'm saying. Or if they do consider it, they have a list of reasons they "can't" have therapy, that is so thorough and long that I wonder if they didn't prepare it in advance.
I'm also trying to network and collaborate and do things that I think are important and helpful to my career goals. I feel like I should be apologetic for even having career goals--which likely stems from my mom's ever-present mantra "What makes YOU think you're so special?" I let that discourage me from even attempting to be a writer, and it discourages me still when I'm not watching out for it specifically.

Take a Stab at This! is up and running over at the iTunes. I had to rename some stuff and fine tune the metadata, but it seems like things are moving right along. The Growlers seems to be catching a few people's eye(s). If you get a minute, please head over there and rate, leave a review, or tell a friend. I'm spending a ton of time and energy on these podcasts and I really need them to get me some notice. This week: Sadie Chapter 4.

I'm due for new glasses soon. Yay. I'm hoping to go full-on Granny Glasses with the beaded chain and everything. I found a shop in Ann Arbor that says they have vintage frames, and I think they take my insurance. Happily, the optical insurance I have through H's work is pretty good. So I'm looking forward to that.

In cat news, JoJo (Joey JoJo Junior Shabadoo to you) is a breed called a British Bombay. They are characterized by their unique appearance, including black pads on their little paws. They are way far dog-like. The want to fetch and love running after treats. They tend toward overeating and LOVE human scraps. Um...scraps of food leftoever from the food humans have eaten. Not like, scraps of human or anything. Anyway, they say the breed takes well to being taken outside with a harness. I'm very into that idea, but have never done it before. Facebookers were most helpful in lending some tips and regaling me with their own experiences. The word "drag" was used a lot. That's not really what I'm going for. I don't really know what to look for in a harness as far as quality and safety.
Little help?

This guy...THIS is the guy.


And here's one of both of them, because they are cute:

Let's change that, shall we.
At work, we do what's called "Hilarious Friday" wherein many of us do our damnest to be even funnier than usual. For some people, this is cake. Me, I'm always pretty funny, so I have to go out of my way.

I'm not working Friday, because I have to work on Saturday.
So I'll let fly with the funny now:


Needs no explanation.

This is the first commercial I ever made a point of recording on one of my various cartoon videotapes:


In honor of Dr Demento going off the air:



Have a Hilarious Friday, Everyone!

Also, I'm waiting for my podcast, Take a Stab at This! to be approved over at the iTunes. Once it is, you'll be able to search for me there, and download my stuff instead of having to go to my website.
Woot, right? Woot.

It's a FREE audiobook story about my favorite thing in the whole wide world.

No...not chocolate.

Not H.

Not wacky tobacky...

No.

ZOMBIES!!!1!

Plus, I wrote it. madush69 reads it.
A guy I work with does the music.

And you all are supposed to listen to it, because it's goddamn scary.

Previously on LOST...

Jack frantically searches for the Final Horcrux, while Miles tries in vain to determine who the last cylon is. Hurley and Dr Melfi stare at a picture of Bob Denver for two hours, then go out for Onion Rings. Clare and Charlie jump a great white shark on some waterskis while holding a baby between them at Joanie anc Chachi's wedding. Suddenly, Desmond calls someone brotha as he gives Ben Linus the ol' one two punch--that ends up being more of a 4-8-15-16-23-42 right in the kisser! Sawyer and Eko wake up in bed next to each other, and notice that Juliet has actually been in the shower all this time, and she used the last of the Dharma shampoo:

( I'll just cut this for spoilers then, shall I? )

Maybe it's the new meds, but I'm really comfortable with suspending my disbelief these days. I gotta snap out of it for the new book. You know what they say: The difference between fiction and real-life is that fiction has to make sense.

In kickass news, I was thinking about buying one of those Dharma decals you put on your macbook that have space for the Apple logo in the middle. Neat. But when I looked around for one online, I decided that this was way more amazing, and ordered it from a chick on Etsy:


I'm going to order this to go underneath it:


And there will be much rejoicing.

Stay tunes, kids. tonight I'll be posting chapters 3 and 4 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me: The Audiobook Podcast over at my website. You really should try to catch it. 'Tis a scary, scary thing.

I've never really been a fan of summer. When I was a kid, school was awesome because even though there were bullies and gym class and plenty of apathetic teachers (and some good ones, but the bad ones can ruin your whole day), nobody treated me like I was treated at home. Summer is hot. I don't like being hot. I don't wear skimpy clothes, I don't go to the beach, or amusement parks, or community pools. So--summer doesn't really do much for me.

But now...I only work 3 days a week in the summer. It's our slow season. I have time to blog at work. I get free air conditioning all day, free filtered water, and I enjoy my co-workers. So that's all good. As it happens, this summer has been okay thusfar. The kids are gone, so it's easy to get a cab. And some things are coming together fairly well.

My doc appointment has led to the addition of 1mg of Risperdal to my daily pill intake. I don't care for the term anti-psychotic, as you might imagine. I don't fancy thinking of myself as someone who needs a pill to not be a psycho. But that's mainly connotative. In truth, it's supposed to even out my mania. And at this low dose, it kind of reminds me of Zyprexa. It makes me kind of sleepy and makes everything feel soft and nice--sort of like being stoned. It's also giving me the munchies. Seriously.
Happily, this pill comes into my life the same week as the badass recliner I just scored for my living room. It's a Lay-z-boy and is pretty damn comfy. I'm gonna write a short story about as soon as I figure out what horrible thing is hiding inside it. ;-]

My most difficult podcast casting dilemma worked out for me as of yesterday. I found someone who is able and willing to read both Dami and Chandra for the low, low price of $10 an hour. So that is sweet. My new biggest dilemma is that my Mikey is short on free time and is having a tough time getting the chapters to me. I'm okay with waiting a bit, because he's really, REALLY good. But I'm also antsy and nervous because I'm like that.

I've been feeling overwhelmed and unwell to the point of actually contemplating a short hospitalization. Of course, I have a job and therefore can't afford that, because I'd actually be expected to pay for it. Also can't afford the med I've been prescribed, so I'm going to see if I can get a ($50) appointment with the mental health doc they now have at my local community clinic. I want to discuss some med options and see if there's anything that might help me without making it so I can't get to my Crazy--which I need for writing.

My boss is giving me most of next week off, per my request. Aside from my own personal Crazy, my day-job has been kicking my ass. The last two weeks have been fucking unbearable, they really hung us out to dry. Like Christmas times a million, plus web support we are in no way trained to provide. I'm working tomorrow and Friday, then not again until the following Saturday. In that time I will sleep, edit and mix audio for podcasts, and outline the new book. Then I will sleep a bit more, play some Xbox and watch a few movies I've been meaning to watch. It will be glorious. I am getting pretty damn excited for the new book to start coming together. Zombies, you know.

Have you guys read Under the Dome yet? I got it for my birthday, but the I started reading Jack Ketchum and haven't stopped yet. But I'm thinking about picking it up during my week off, since it isn't really a good book to carry around in your purse. Will the ending make me mad? (You know how some Stephen King novels end like he couldn't think of anything so he just stopped writing or flipped a coin or something? wednes
no like.) With that in mind, should I read it?

Speaking of Jack Ketchum, I think I got banned from posting at his Facebook fan comm. I posted something about how the movie version of The Girl Next Door sucked, and how whoever made it didn't seem to understand why the book is so goddamn good. Then, I couldn't post over there anymore. That's a drag, but I was being absolutely sincere. I adore Ketchum's work, and it infuriates me that someone would (or could, I suppose) make such a sub-par movie out of such an impressive book.

H and I watching a silly little zombie movie called Insanitarium. I expected that it would be laughably bad. It was almost good. Had some very cool elements, even if they weren't well fleshed out *snerk--zombies? fleshed out? Hahahahahaaa!* or well-acted. Supposedly, nanotechnology made the zombies, but aside from telling us that verbally, there's nothing else on nanotechnology in the whole movie.

And finally, if you're like me, you've been waiting for Google Chrome for mac to finally allow you to organize your bookmarks. It's still in Beta, but they have fixed that and I am now using it to great affect. Yay!

You know, the more I think about this South Park business, the angrier I get.
And the only thing I can think of to say is:





It's old news, people. And while I don't have a choir backing me up like some people, my resounding chorus of "Go Fuck Yourself" still rings out in the night, that all terrorists may hear it and know that we are not afraid of them and their veiled threats of violence against artists. Yeah, I'm a total badass from the comfort of my own home while I'm sitting here alone at my keyboard. But dammit, we take free expression seriously in this country.
Besides, many if not most Muslims do not actually believe that it is heretical to create and display representations of Mohammed. When I used to work at McDonalds, I worked with a guy named "Muhammed." We were allowed to say his name without getting bleeped. Simpler times...



In other news, I'm auditioning people for the role of The Narrator in the podcast of the new book. So even though my Mikey is sheer perfection, I have to remix everything I have so far once I get the new narrator vocal. I may go ahead and recut some A Stabbing for Sadie chapters and post those during the delay. Pretty soon, my website will be updated and I'll be posting all my new podcasts from there, where you can subscribe through iTunes if you are so inclined.

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My oldest fear is sharks. Thank you, Senor Spielbergo. Guess what? Sharks are still scary and I love watching them just as much as I did as a kid. I watch every stupid shark movie I encounter, and I recorded new Shark Week every year before it became "Shark Attack Week." Now that we know better, I'm not really into sharks being portrayed as monsters that love to eat people. That's what zombies are for.

My most persistent fear is zombies. Duh. Zombies are still scary, even though I'm better prepared for them than I was at a young age. I started making zombie maps of the area in which I live in roughly 1986, and I still do them every time I move. They list cemeteries and hospitals as places to avoid, and gun stores and wholesalers as places to get to. Being in Michigan, the Militia is our friend. Plenty of people tell me I'm silly to prepare for zombie apocalypse; those are the people I won't be sharing my supplies with when the time comes. Frankly, the thought of a zombie fueled war is so damn scary to me that it seems woefully foolish not to prepare. I mean, we have a fire extinguisher but we've never used it.


As for me, I'm super busy because I'm trying to get tons of stuff done. Professional blogging, marketing, outlining the new book, podcasting, and working even more hours than usual at my day-job, which is stressing me out and robbing me of the sleep I so richly deserve. I will be so much happier when I'm famous and can do whatever the hell I want. Okay, I know in real life grown ups hardly ever get to do whatever the hell they want--still, it would be neat to own a house and maybe a car, to shop for groceries once a week instead of twice a month. I would like for my life to not be subjected to the whims of the scheduling manager. My work schedule was great until a new person started doing it. Frown and Fie!

Meeting up with my narrator tonight to record chaps 3 and 7. Have been trying to learn how to do an Indian accent because I STILL haven't found an actress. Craigslist has been fucking useless and only served to double the amount of spam that makes it into my Inbox. I might be able to pull off one of these voices, but certainly not both of them. What the hell was I thinking?!???


In annoyance news, here are the things I shouldn't have to say to customers but apparently, I do:

1. If your child is screaming in the background and you can't hear me, call back later.
2. If you have no idea what size instrument your kid has, I can't fit it with strings. Please find out and call back.
3. If you don't know where your credit card is, please find it and call back.
4. If I tell you you haven't given me enough information to ensure that you're ordering the right product, please take my word for it. I do this all day long.
5. I remember what I told you last time. And even if I don't, it's recorded so I can always check later. Please don't pretend that you can trick me. You can't.
6. I'm not going to give you a discount because you yelled at me. Why on Earth would I?

My new standard breakfast at work of late is untoasted Pop-Tarts. I had somehow convinced myself that they are made of decent ingredients, like fruit, and fortified with a bunch of vitamins. Plus, they are WAY lower in fat than toaster strudel. I felt okay about it. Today, I decided to read the label (probably something I should have done sooner). So...they are made with "real fruit" with an asterisk* by it. Turns out, they contain 10% fruit. That's the same as those cheap juices that I refuse to buy because I want real juice. Pop Tarts also have 5 grams of fat EACH, because a serving is only one--even though it comes in a non-releasable package of two. So really, I'd be better off with a multi-vitamin and a bag of potato chips. But then someone would say, Potato chips for breakfast? That's so unhealthy. I shake my fist at you, Battle Creek! So yeah, I really do need to wean myself off of processed foods. It's just that the processing adds both convenience and deliciousness.

Thought I was going to have a 3-day weekend this week since I have Friday off. Came in today and checked next week's schedule and it looks like I may have Monday off as well. So hmmm...4-day-weekend! Neat. It's our slow season at work, so hours are fewer and far betweener. Going to a co-workers going away party on Friday, a recital on Saturday, and seeing my bro-ham on Sunday. I'm thinking of bringing some of my famous Mexican Dip with chips, and some kind of store-bought dessert.

I got new recordings of Chaps 1,2, and 4 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me for the podcasting--which premieres on Tuesday, by the by. We're going to post 2 chapters every 2 weeks, with the in between weeks being a new short story until I run out of them. And it's much easier than I thought to route stuff over to iTunes. In fact, the first short story from "A Spoonful of Murder" is already there. I'm also planning to submit to Podiobooks. They love Scott Sigler over there; and I guess they even pay the authors when people give them money. Neat.

And finally, I watched the Collateral Murder vid. It made me sad, angry, and confused. I guess "The Troops" are like every other cross-section of society. There are lots of amazing people, and some tools so drenched in shadenfraude that it turns my stomach.