What's happening, and how I feel about it:

[wednes]

I have never had a predictable menstrual cycle. The only time I was remotely predictable is when I was on The Pill. My periods have always been few and far between--usually to the tune of 3-4 a year. They have also been exceedingly painful. Meh, just part of being a girl, or so I was told. But the last year or so has been different. I am not "myself" for several days running. I am exhausted, depressed and extremely irritable. It spills over into areas of my life that should not have any spillage. It feels like this goes beyond "normal" bi-polar mood swings, and always culminates with a visit from Aunt Flo (Don't you just hate that expression?).

On Friday night, I actually raised my voice to a customer on the phone. Granted, it had been a terrible and difficult week and she was just not listening to me; but c'mon. I know much better than that. This mood had been going on for over a week--and in fact I thought I would start my period LAST weekend due to my foulness of mood. It didn't actually start until last night. Until then, I was discussing with H what we might have to give up so I could go back on Abilify. I don't like Abilify because it makes it so I can't get to my Crazy, which I need for writing. And it doesn't seem like Abilify will solve this problem. The Internets mention things like Prozac, L-tryptophan in high doses, or even Haldol. Honestly, I would view a prescription for Haldol as some kind of personal defeat--a whole new level of The Crazy if you will.
So yeah, I started my period and now I'm in pain but emotionally okay. Cue Internet research and the suspicion that I have developed PMDD. So...what do I do about it? No, I'm asking.

Have been given a small writing project at work. Seems the plan is to let me do a few things to demonstrate that I am able to write in a way that will benefit the company. Writing well about things I'm not necessarily into is challenging. I'm also finding it difficult to strike a balance between casual rapport and professional discourse. I am pleased that our VP of Marketing is taking me seriously, and confident that I will rise to the challenge.

Cut new vocal tracks for chaps 1 and 3 of KMLYLM audiobook podcast. Took just over an hour, and was really outstanding. The guy doing it is an old buddy of mine from the Heathen Ranch. I hadn't hung out with him in years, which is stupid because he's right in town. He used to have super long hair, but now it's regular dude hair length. Anyway, that is going well and I am pleased. Also picked a new theme song for S4S audiobook podcast. Remixing that today, hopefully. I'm feeling mentally shagged so I might just make cookies instead. ;-]
Pretty soon, the podcast (now titled Take a Stab at This!) will be up and running on my website. You can listen to them there, or download them via the iTunes. Once I have a bunch of episodes I'm going to put them up on Podiobooks, where all the cool kids are podcasting their audiobooks.

This week I have four opening shifts. One of which forced me to cancel lunch with my favorite Aunt. *dislike*
I know a lot of people get up early every day. I am not those people. I mean, there's a reason I'm almost 40 and still working shitty customer service jobs. I can't do that 9-5 thing how people do. I hate waking up in the morning--it is physically painful. I hate working a bunch of days in a row without a break. I can do it, if I have to. But resentment and unhappiness start building up pretty quickly, so I'd rather head it off at the pass. I'm gonna talk to my boss about going down to 3 days a week for the rest of the summer--I did that last summer and it kicked ass.

Comments

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

Not answering your question, but related: have you been tested for PCOS ever?

And yay! for the writing project at work.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

No. *googles*
Oh, that. Well, I am overdue for a trip to Planned Parenthood.

[absinthofheart.livejournal.com]

Haha. I was thinking about posting about my "woman troubles" but decided against it as I thought it might be TMI, however since you've brought up the subject I will tell yout that I totally feel for you. I have been bleeding fairly heavily for seven days and show no sign of stopping. This morning it turned painful and I have been moaning and whimpering all day. All of my energy has been sapped for days and even my stomach can't decide what it wants to do. Anway, when you find out what's up with you , let me know.

P.S. Sorry I didn't call you today. I slept off and on until 4, then I was distracted by pain, and chores all day.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

That makes sense. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on with me, but it's probably time I see a lady doc about it. I don't know how much of my issues are hormonal and how much is related to brain chemistry--and it's not as if asking a GP will shed any light on anything.

This would be easier for both of us, I think, if we weren't so damn poor.

Hope you're feeling better, man.