Feb. 24th, 2006

wednes: (Default)
For those of you whom I don't see often, I have been incredibly manic this week. Mania is one half of the main symptoms of the core components of the illness lovingly called manic-depressive or bipolar disorder. As I may have mentioned in the past, depression can totally put your life on hold. A few words about mania )

[/self indulgent yet inexplicably publicly posted rant] It's amazing what they can do with html these days. ;-}

I'm in the process of the final chapter in the woeful first draft of my new novel What to do About Franklin. It has become an entirely different novel than the one I intended to write. I like some of the story elements very much. And there are some genuinely frightening scenes. The draft is pretty funny because I never went back to fix inconsistencies so everything just conflicts as I've changed my mind about this or that. Some of the names are even inconsistent.
My need for grad school is also becoming more apparent as I try to consider the edits I'm making. I don't really have certain skills like timing and good dialogue that makes everyone sound different. I have a lot of passive, explainy segments that need to be demonstrated through action. I just didn't know these people well enough, or rather, I'm just now getting to know them at the very end of the draft. I just wish I knew more about novel writing mechanics to make better use of what I honestly beleive is some fine raw talent. I know how to write a novel length story, I just don't know how to edit/polish it for maximum impact.

My new assignment from Group is to train myself to recognize self destructive thought patterns. Interestingly, I don't let anyone talk to me like crap, even though this happened regularly for the first 20 some years of my life. And since I put out that vibe, miraculously, almost no one actually tries to talk crappily to me. However, my inner monologue remains abusive, dismissive, and hell-bent on comparing myself to people who do not remotely share my experiences. I know certain truths intellectually that just aren't making it to my wounded id or whatever the hell they call that. I hate those silly terms. I constantly berate myself with things that I'd never allow anyone to say to me in real life. So I'm figuring out ways to catch myself doing that shit, and then defusing it before it does any real damage. Continuing with the EMDR will also help. That stuff is awesome.

I made up a Friday Five!!!

Five things people actually do that suck:

1. Not capitalizing the "i" in "I". That is stupid.
2. Admitting you care how some dumbass reality show ends.
3. Deliberately spoiling the end of something* for others.
4. Talking or using a cell phone** during a movie.
5. Writing in my books in pen when you borrow them, or worse yet, not returning them.

*This includes reading my magazine before I do and reading "just this one thing" aloud so I can't read it for myself. Genius, why do you think I bought the magazine, so you'd read it to me?!?

**This includes "checking something" by emiting a square high-beam of blue-supernova-light into a previously dark room.

Okay, I'm gonna have a snack, then watch an hour of shows about murdering, then finish this chapter.
Off I go!

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