The Funny: Consumer Product Watch, Y'all!

As you may know I do watch a fair amount of TV since I'm out of work and all. I have it on while I'm cleaning house, packing, reading, and being online. It's on right now even thought I'm posting and listening to itunes. I just draw comfort from The Box. Sad but true.

One of the things I have grown to dislike about TV (and there's a BUNCH of things, mind you) is the proliferation of commercials for prescription medicine. I have many mixed feelings about western medicine and the docs who practice it. But that is not the point of this post. The thing I find hilarious though, is the lack of effort that goes into choosing names for some of these products.

So our topic today is "not-very-well-thought-out names for HBA/Rx products":

Vagisil and Anusol

Do I even need to explain this? I'm sorry, but they might as well go ahead and call it "snatch lotion" or "ass-boil-away". It's equally obvious; and while funny, doesn't make it any easier to purchase. You know...if I ever had to purchase any.

Herpecin

It's for cold sores. While this has basically the same problems as the above products, it doesn't specifically mention any "privates". What it does do is conjure up images of venereal disease (for those of you old enough to still call them that) and give you a nightmarish mental piture of the loser in line ahead of you buying the herpecin...actually having sex with another human being. Gross.

Mucinex

I get it, it's like Mucus Be Gone!!! But Ew. It's bad enough having a head full of mucus, do you really need to "ask for it by name" when the name is clearly saying "Lookit me, my head is full of mucus".

Ener Ex

This one cracks me up, because in the late-night commerical they are so incredibly careful to say EN-er-Ex, rather than EN-ERECTS because everyone knows that is what we are really talking about (on the off chance that we are openly discussing "natural male enhancement").

Nads

Of course I could not have this list without bringing up the most unfortunately titled Sweedish hair removal system ever to hit US shelves. At least since the voluntary recall of Bearded Clam*. I will point out that the woman in the commercial is most blunt in saying 'my daughter was really hairy, so I made this stuff for her'. and the poor daughter is like 'yeah, I was really hairy...but now I'm on TV. I hate you all so much...' That's what I'd say anyway.


*This product, to my knowlege, never existed. But if you invent it and market it with sucess, you have to give me money.


Oh, and here's a new narrative I wrote a few minutes ago. It will kind of explain to absinthofheart why I can't seem to write romance. It all comes out like this, with varying levels of blood and death.