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The Funny: Consumer Product Watch, Y'all!
As you may know I do watch a fair amount of TV since I'm out of work and all. I have it on while I'm cleaning house, packing, reading, and being online. It's on right now even thought I'm posting and listening to itunes. I just draw comfort from The Box. Sad but true.
One of the things I have grown to dislike about TV (and there's a BUNCH of things, mind you) is the proliferation of commercials for prescription medicine. I have many mixed feelings about western medicine and the docs who practice it. But that is not the point of this post. The thing I find hilarious though, is the lack of effort that goes into choosing names for some of these products.
So our topic today is "not-very-well-thought-out names for HBA/Rx products":
Vagisil and Anusol
Do I even need to explain this? I'm sorry, but they might as well go ahead and call it "snatch lotion" or "ass-boil-away". It's equally obvious; and while funny, doesn't make it any easier to purchase. You know...if I ever had to purchase any.
Herpecin
It's for cold sores. While this has basically the same problems as the above products, it doesn't specifically mention any "privates". What it does do is conjure up images of venereal disease (for those of you old enough to still call them that) and give you a nightmarish mental piture of the loser in line ahead of you buying the herpecin...actually having sex with another human being. Gross.
Mucinex
I get it, it's like Mucus Be Gone!!! But Ew. It's bad enough having a head full of mucus, do you really need to "ask for it by name" when the name is clearly saying "Lookit me, my head is full of mucus".
Ener Ex
This one cracks me up, because in the late-night commerical they are so incredibly careful to say EN-er-Ex, rather than EN-ERECTS because everyone knows that is what we are really talking about (on the off chance that we are openly discussing "natural male enhancement").
Nads
Of course I could not have this list without bringing up the most unfortunately titled Sweedish hair removal system ever to hit US shelves. At least since the voluntary recall ofBearded Clam*. I will point out that the woman in the commercial is most blunt in saying 'my daughter was really hairy, so I made this stuff for her'. and the poor daughter is like 'yeah, I was really hairy...but now I'm on TV. I hate you all so much...' That's what I'd say anyway.
*This product, to my knowlege, never existed. But if you invent it and market it with sucess, you have to give me money.
Oh, and here's a new narrative I wrote a few minutes ago. It will kind of explain to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
absinthofheart why I can't seem to write romance. It all comes out like this, with varying levels of blood and death.
One of the things I have grown to dislike about TV (and there's a BUNCH of things, mind you) is the proliferation of commercials for prescription medicine. I have many mixed feelings about western medicine and the docs who practice it. But that is not the point of this post. The thing I find hilarious though, is the lack of effort that goes into choosing names for some of these products.
So our topic today is "not-very-well-thought-out names for HBA/Rx products":
Vagisil and Anusol
Do I even need to explain this? I'm sorry, but they might as well go ahead and call it "snatch lotion" or "ass-boil-away". It's equally obvious; and while funny, doesn't make it any easier to purchase. You know...if I ever had to purchase any.
Herpecin
It's for cold sores. While this has basically the same problems as the above products, it doesn't specifically mention any "privates". What it does do is conjure up images of venereal disease (for those of you old enough to still call them that) and give you a nightmarish mental piture of the loser in line ahead of you buying the herpecin...actually having sex with another human being. Gross.
Mucinex
I get it, it's like Mucus Be Gone!!! But Ew. It's bad enough having a head full of mucus, do you really need to "ask for it by name" when the name is clearly saying "Lookit me, my head is full of mucus".
Ener Ex
This one cracks me up, because in the late-night commerical they are so incredibly careful to say EN-er-Ex, rather than EN-ERECTS because everyone knows that is what we are really talking about (on the off chance that we are openly discussing "natural male enhancement").
Nads
Of course I could not have this list without bringing up the most unfortunately titled Sweedish hair removal system ever to hit US shelves. At least since the voluntary recall of
*This product, to my knowlege, never existed. But if you invent it and market it with sucess, you have to give me money.
Oh, and here's a new narrative I wrote a few minutes ago. It will kind of explain to
absinthofheart why I can't seem to write romance. It all comes out like this, with varying levels of blood and death.
and now a word from our sponsor
I generally on watch Tonight Show/Conan, only because I may not have any movie rentals from Netflix and because that is the only channel I get on my tv (no antennae). My drug commercial complaints/concerns are listed below:
1. The Commercial That Tells You Nothing. Something like a butterfly will be animated across the screen, whilst a voiceover tells me how much better my life will be taking Product Z, and that I should ask my doctor.
Ask my Doctor what? When do I need this? When should I need this? Apparently, I'm just to randomly ask my doctor when I see a commercial I like, which means he'll not only be writing me prescriptions for Product Z, but for Breyer's Ice Cream and Feria Hair Products.
2. The Hottie Model. Nothing is more disturbing than NOT knowing it is a drug commercial. It's 1:30am or so, and this totally hot long-haired brunette graces my screen.
I mean, HOT. She's pushing all eleven of my ten buttons.
I figure, what the hell. It's 1:30am, the neighbors are asleep, I'm comfortable & proficient in the art of self-pleasure, so, why not?
Then mid-way through, I find out it is a drug commercial for something like eradicating syphillis sores from your lips and genitals, and how much better life is now that you can kiss someone and ride a bike at the same time while still having syphillis, as this drug only eliminates the oozing pustisules, not syphillis itself.
Man, talk about self-pleasure coitius interruptus!
Thank God for Feria commericials and internet porn to help me get the creepy "ick factor" off. *hehehe*
Re: and now a word from our sponsor
Re: and now a word from our sponsor
Re: and now a word from our sponsor
Yes, it taught me a very valuable life lesson.
Life lesson #3,159,430 to be exact: "Always use proper porn."
Re: and now a word from our sponsor
;)
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Duh, gonads. You ever completely lose your common sense?
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That's WAY worse than flaking on a word origin.
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I once got engaged to a socialist that thought he was so funny he'd do standup. He was the MOST unfunny person I've ever met in my life. Looking back though, it is enjoyable to recall sitting in the audience and cringing right along with them over just how bad he was.
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That's quite a tale.
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;-}
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There used to be a commercial for some laxative that showed a woman enthusiasticlly dancing around, presumably so happy because she could finally take a shit. I always found that one pretty amusing too.
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You know, I completely forgot to mention the ads for people who um...pee thier pants (overactive bladder is such a great euphemism). Those have some great side-effects.
That's even funnier than pills for depression that have side-effects like acne, wieght gain, sleeplessness, and "sexual side effects". Great. I'm up 10 lbs, totally broken out, haven't slept in days and can't have an orgasm. Now I'm less depressed...
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"Overactive bladder" is indeed euphemistic, though I recall that at least one of the ads had a nice little choral accompaniment: "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go." Not exactly subtle.
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I can only imagine what kind of monstrosities I'll be forced to pen if they carve me out that ad agency gig.
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I remember I had a friend who would rail at the television everytime a feminine hygiene product ad would come on. He would say "Why do they advertise this stuff? Women know what they are going to buy, they don't need the television to tell them!" I've always wondered if that was true.
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My god, it's a miracle!
I daresay if you have a choice to make regarding such products, TV can be of help. I don't want to spend a whole lot of time in that aisle, scrutinizing products at the store.
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NOT!