Things that came to pass today:

I found out that I may have some kind of PTSD. I find this odd because I had honestly never considered putting that label on it, even though I still flinch when people try to touch me unexpectedly. I always tell H to "quit lunging at me" when he's really just leaning in for a smooch. It also explians the nightmares and my aversion to quiet rooms and open spaces. So that is pretty interesting.

I've decided that I am indeed going to try going back on meds. This means that as of Feb 9th, I will have to quit smoking weed for at least 2 weeks. This should not be too difficult, after all, I can't shut up about how much I'm not an addict and don't think weed is a problem. Anyway, I just want to feel better, and if I can feel lousy for a few days, then better, I think I'll go with that. That said, they are talking about giving me something so I can sleep better. I didn't know there were non-addictive things to help people sleep. Like I keep saying, I don't want to swap addictions. But we'll see what happens when I see the doc on 02/10.

You know, I never heard from Walt to see if he got his holiday package from us. And for whatever reason, I'm not as broken up about it as one might expect.

I have been thinking a lot about my family, after having to talk about them all afternoon.
I wish I had the money to go ahead with my legal name change.
Of course, if I really can give up smoking pot, I would be able to afford it in virtually no time...probably within 6 months.

All this talk about me and my family is making the idea of working on my novella supremely distasteful. I need to break thru that because I really want it to get picked up. I'll be awfully bummed if this novella goes the way of my zombie story--which is still sitting in a folder on my desk despite the recent zombie film rennaisance. Pretty soon I'll be starting work on my "romance novel" (read: libro d'fuck) for which I have some very clever ideas for. At least, I think they're clever. I don't read those books, so they could be totally trite and overdone. Like thinking you've written some kind of modern classic horror film and it turns out to only be Gothika.

I also found out today that T. Thorn Coyle has a livejournal. That is pretty sweet.

Oh, is anyone doing the rabbit hole thing today? How's that going?

I'm sorry, you're Pro-What?!?

So I was looking around to find an LJ community about PTSD so I could hear some chat about people's experiences with it, with their medications and whatever. Of course when looking for a new community to join, one has to wade thru a ton of crap. When one is looking for a new mental-health community to join one should, I have found, be prepared for anything.

But this...

I had heard rumors about "pro-anorexia" communities before. I swear, I thought they were urban legends; sort of a take off on those comms where "cutters" talk about cutting and post pics of the stupid crap they do to hurt/call attention to themselves. I mean no offense to any cutters on my freinds list, but I really don't think there are any cutters on my list. Anywhoo--I found proanorexia which actually is a community of young girls who talk about how great it is to have some kind of terrible dyfunction. Talk about "down the rabbit hole".

And it's catching, because it really did make ME want to vomit...and that is SO not my scene. (note my clever use of capital letters for emphasis!)

Not only does this community have over 1,000 members, but the first posts I saw were bitchy "I'm leaving" posts and bitchy "I don't care what you all think but this is what i think." posts. As amused as I was, I want to weep for those girls. And as if that wasn't bad enough, they didn't know crap about PTSD.

So seriously, can anyone explain to me what is going on there?

On a completely unrelated topic:


Scott


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