I'm tired of waking up crying!!

Talked to the Animal Hospital today. They say Clarence is holding down liquid food and seems to be "more comfortable" which is odd, because they never told me she was unconfortable except for the rather obvious problem of being very sick. I'm going to try to see her after my appt with the med doctor. I don't know if I will have a ride or not, so D--if you're free around 12:20pm do let me know. Anyway, I wanted to hear that they gave her some food and she snapped right out of it. I didn't. After two days away I would have thought they'd have some good news for me; the longer this goes on, the worse it it.

I'm also supposed to see my additional therapist today for the first time. I think I'm going to cancel that since I also have to go to group tonight and really need to do something to lessen the overall amount of stress and mental whatnot I'm feeling. This is the third day in a row I have woken up to my own loud sobbing.

But you know, life is not ever all bad. I feel compelled to keep this in mind as Clarence goes through her ordeal. First of all, plenty of people have sent kind wishes and even money. That is really cool.
I also learned this morning that a dear freind from college went to Ontario to marry her companion. Of course it would have been cool if the wedding could have been here in Michigan so I could have gone and celebrated my friends happiness. But since people still don't know how to practice separation of church and state in this country (nor can they seem to seaprate thier ignorant personal biases from actual fact) that cannot be. Still though, I wish her every happiness and will be sending her something cool once my life calms down a bit.

At least we are done unpacking. I still want to go through some things for storage. I daresay the place looks pretty nice.

Back from the vets:

I just returned home from visiting Clarence. It turns out that she is not diabetic, nor did she have an obstruction in her digestive tract. So that is good news. Sadly, that is about all of the good news.

Her liver is still very swollen and not working properly. She is still vomiting and is not holding down the food they were trying to give her. They said they managed to "get a few calories in her" but that it's slow going. When they put her down to walk, I thought she was sedated and was horrified to learn that she was not. She seemed glad to see me (she lifted her head up for what I am told is the first time since Tuesday afternoon) and I was able to spend some time with her.

We are giving her another day to see if the feeding helps her improve. But the doc says she has some kind of neurological problem that is keeping her from balancing properly. Over the last few days I did notice her coordination slipping. But she was never the most graceful of all cats. I will be praying for some kind of cat-miracle, but it does not look good for her. We will know one way or another tomorrow.

Also, I recieved an anonymous comment about cats availible in my area. Just to be clear, I am not interested in getting another cat right away, if ever. Frankly, I think it's very insensitive to suggest such a thing to someone helping thier pet fight for life. I assume that this comment was intended to be helpful and was simply and woefully misguided. But if your friend had a child who was dying you wouldn't send them fliers from adoption agencies for fuck's sake. This is kind of like that. I know I talk about not wanting to be the "Crazy Cat Lady" but this is a horrible, awful thing to expereince.

I'll update everyone again tomorrow when we get home.
And of course, thanks to everyone for the support. I know I should be better about sending personal thank-you's, but the internet is in and out because I'm scamming it and I'm just feeling pretty overwhelmed. I imagine that you all understand that, but I wanted to say it anyway.