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I am telling you, the VCR has crippled the populous in yet another way. People no longer know how to behave at a film. So here's a list of theatre etiquette you can print and give away free to the next inconsiderate jackass that sits behind you in a theatre.
1. Come in and sit the fuck down before the movie starts. And if you dare come in late, do not attempt to solicit plot points from anyone near you.
2. Unwrap your eatables with as little noise as possible. No need to crumple and recrumple your wrappers, DO NOT buy or bring individaully wrapped fare such as starburst, jolly ranchers, or a box of hostess crap.
3. Once your soda has become empty, you should no longer try to drink out of it. I'd rather buy you another goddamn soda than listen to you slurp up that tan water surrounding your ice cube remnants. Nevermind that for $.25 more you could have gotten a soda twice the size, and be drinking quietly now.
4. See all those people around you in the theatre? They have paid for tix, much like you have. They are not interested in what you are doing after the movie, what time it is, or what you thought about the movie the first time you saw it. Nor are we interested in your theory of how the film will end, or where that other guy is from. You have the whole rest of your life to address these issues.
5. I shouldn't have to tell anyone this, but if your cell phone rings during the film, then you answer it and proceed to have a conversation, I am gonna have my boyfriend kick your self-absorbed ass. He may look friendly, but like that giant, he may crush you with a girraffe or a rocking chair when you least expect it.
6. Never mind, I'll do it myself.
7. If your excessive noise enrages me into actually turning around and addressing you verbally, do NOT under any circumstances, say another word to me. To do so could mean your untimely demise. Best advice: keep silent or slink away quietly.
8. Don't bring smokables into the theatre unless you brought enough for everyone.
On a completely unrelated topic, I saw Insomnia today. It was okay. A lot of the early dialogue was terribly cliche'd. And how many more damn times must we see SuperCop vs SuperClever Villian? Nice camera work, some good performances, Pacino had some kind of fingernail fungus.
Don't misunderstand, I enjoyed the film, and found a great many things to like about it. But it was certainly not what I expected after knowing who was involved, and the initial critical buzz. So good, but not like, Panic Room good.
Oddly enough I rather enjoyed the straight to video sequel: American Psycho 2. It had tons of flaws and a twisty little plot. But Mila Kunis was lots of fun as a female serial killer whose goal is to bring down male serial killers. And if any of you don't know my stance on this, Bill Shatner forgot how to act many years ago. Not that he needs to act, he keep getting cast because everyone laughs when they hear he is in a film. Much like another typecast actor: The Fonz. Actually, Henry Winkler is not too bad of a character style actor. Compare Night Shift (the hooker movie by Ron Howard and is Michael Keetons first starring role, not a Stephen king thingy) with Kingdom of the Spiders sometime. You'll see what I mean.
1. Come in and sit the fuck down before the movie starts. And if you dare come in late, do not attempt to solicit plot points from anyone near you.
2. Unwrap your eatables with as little noise as possible. No need to crumple and recrumple your wrappers, DO NOT buy or bring individaully wrapped fare such as starburst, jolly ranchers, or a box of hostess crap.
3. Once your soda has become empty, you should no longer try to drink out of it. I'd rather buy you another goddamn soda than listen to you slurp up that tan water surrounding your ice cube remnants. Nevermind that for $.25 more you could have gotten a soda twice the size, and be drinking quietly now.
4. See all those people around you in the theatre? They have paid for tix, much like you have. They are not interested in what you are doing after the movie, what time it is, or what you thought about the movie the first time you saw it. Nor are we interested in your theory of how the film will end, or where that other guy is from. You have the whole rest of your life to address these issues.
5. I shouldn't have to tell anyone this, but if your cell phone rings during the film, then you answer it and proceed to have a conversation, I am gonna have my boyfriend kick your self-absorbed ass. He may look friendly, but like that giant, he may crush you with a girraffe or a rocking chair when you least expect it.
6. Never mind, I'll do it myself.
7. If your excessive noise enrages me into actually turning around and addressing you verbally, do NOT under any circumstances, say another word to me. To do so could mean your untimely demise. Best advice: keep silent or slink away quietly.
8. Don't bring smokables into the theatre unless you brought enough for everyone.
On a completely unrelated topic, I saw Insomnia today. It was okay. A lot of the early dialogue was terribly cliche'd. And how many more damn times must we see SuperCop vs SuperClever Villian? Nice camera work, some good performances, Pacino had some kind of fingernail fungus.
Don't misunderstand, I enjoyed the film, and found a great many things to like about it. But it was certainly not what I expected after knowing who was involved, and the initial critical buzz. So good, but not like, Panic Room good.
Oddly enough I rather enjoyed the straight to video sequel: American Psycho 2. It had tons of flaws and a twisty little plot. But Mila Kunis was lots of fun as a female serial killer whose goal is to bring down male serial killers. And if any of you don't know my stance on this, Bill Shatner forgot how to act many years ago. Not that he needs to act, he keep getting cast because everyone laughs when they hear he is in a film. Much like another typecast actor: The Fonz. Actually, Henry Winkler is not too bad of a character style actor. Compare Night Shift (the hooker movie by Ron Howard and is Michael Keetons first starring role, not a Stephen king thingy) with Kingdom of the Spiders sometime. You'll see what I mean.
