I disagreed with Jon Stewart last night. Aside from his occasional making fun of fat people--it's rare that Stewbeef and I disagree. But I don't understand the problem with the IRS "scandal." Groups get zillions of dollars from giant corporations, and they don't have to tell anyone where it comes from. Said groups then get to spend that money however they want--so long as they don't "coordinate" with a candidate. As we learned last election season, "not-coordinating" can involve being someone's parent or child, being their BFF, or even being their former coordinator. We saw churches telling congregations who they should vote for--threatening them with hell if they didn't. Yet none of these people paid taxes under the guise of being community based. Really?

So now the IRS is in the wrong for saying "let's look at groups that are advertising themselves as political?" Well duh. If I start a business called "Wednesday's Pot Emporium" and one called "Wednesday's Earthen Jars" it should not surprise me if one of these names gets more police scrutiny than the other.
I'm not clear on how this makes Obama a monster, or how this means the nutter screaming that the nigger Kenyan is coming for our freedomz is suddenly correct. I admit that I think the Tea Party is a oligarchal monster pretending to be an offshoot of ACORN (funny how grass roots organizations are awesome when they're for freeedumz).

In the end, I'd like to see Elizabeth Warren and Al Franken in charge of absolutely everything. Guys like Boehner, Paul Ryan, et al can give all their money to the poor (as Jesus commands) and get a shit job working at Wal*Mart.

As for me, I've got a zillion things going on, only some of which are firmly poised to blow up in my face. I'm also reading Under the Dome, which is seriously adding to my stress. I found out that the bad guy, Big Jim Rennie is being played by the DEA brother-in-law from Breaking Bad. Good call.

H and I invited another couple for dinner last night. We used our tax money to get a vacuum cleaner, so we're less embarrassed to have people over now. I made falafel, quinoa with veggies, and hummus. They brought choco peanut butter brownies, and some baklava. Mmmmmm...

I enjoy Valentines Day. So fucking sue me--as soon as you're done complaining about it, I mean. If you really find things to hate in hearts, candy, and couple-flavored fun, I might humbly suggest that you're a bitter crank? Did Cupid run over your dog or something? Giving people cards, candy, and small gifts is totally fun and nice whether it's for your partner, your sibling, or the harried single mom in the next cubicle. If you really can't bring yourself to join in the fun for some crank reason, at the very least, stop trying to ruin the good times for others...you bitter fucking crank.

To whit, I got H a Blu-Ray copy of Flash Gordon (the movie with the kickass Queen soundtrack). It was astonishingly cheap and has awesomely heroic Alex Ross art on the cover. What? You don't like Alex Ross either? Damn, you ARE a crank.
I also got H a book about the making of Star Trek, Next Generation. It is really thick and cool and has an introduction by Ronald D Moore, who H is very fond of. He's already read me some fascinating stories from it. We're having Valentine's Day today because H works on Thursday. I'm making his favorite dinner tonight: chili con carne--which we call Chili.

H is in the kitchen right now, making a cake. Yeah, you heard right. He did this once before, and I literally talked about it for years. I even called his mom to tell her, back when she and I were friends (before the wedding). He's making the same cake again today. It's a flourless chocolate cake that requires him to melt chocolate in the double boiler, separate eggs, and whip cream by hand. I sure as hell don't do that when *I* make a cake.
See kids, that is romance. Not about money and mall jewelry necessarily, but about stepping out of your comfort zone to do things you wouldn't normally do. We're poor as shit and may never own a home or be able to retire. But we have a wonderful life, mainly because we're good and kind to each other.
And we don't have any kids. ;-] I don't know how people do that...


In other news, the marketing gig is being written off as a big bust.
Dang and Fie! But fuck that guy.
(Ha! That totally rhymes)
Kiss Me Like You Love Me is in editing and will be getting a new cover design--mainly because I don't own the rights to the other one. I won the battle to not have Mikey on the cover. Yay for that! It should be back out as an E-book in a few weeks, with the audiobook following as soon as I can schedule the recording sessions. A Stabbing for Sadie will be next.
Still looking to pick up part-time work in writing, editing, SEO, marketing, and the like. So if you know anyone...I'm WAY better at social media than say, whoever is doing that for Applebees.

H wanted to watch Flash Gordon today while we were eating our pancakes.
We decided that Flash really could use a Hollywood facelift.
As such, we've decided on a cast:

Flash: Chris Hemsworth (because it's Hollywood)

Ming the Merciless: Patrick Stewart

Aura: Zoe Soldana

Zoltan: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Klytus: Ian Glen (Sir Jorah from Game of Thrones)

Dale Arden: Ellen Page

Hans Zarkoff: Robin Williams

Prince Baron: Bradley Cooper

General Calla: Angelina Jolie

*makes grabby hand motion*
Funding Please!

While I'm here, I did put up a new podcast ep today. Chaps 31 and 32 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me. It's a good 'un too. The new Mikey is creepy as shit!

H and I got this for Christmas, and it's totally taken this long for me to post pics of it. I know, right?


Get it? CAPRICA? Toaster? Hahahahahahahaha!

( I forgot to resize one of the pics, so it's going under a cut for hugeness )


In other news, recording with my first child actor went swimmingly. He was enthusiastic and professional. I learned that a lot of the same skills one uses in customer service also help when working with children. There are pics of that event, but they will not be posted here. Sorry...

My interview with Night of the Living Dead's Judith O'Dea is now posted over to the Zombie Zone News. It's a really good one. She's a delight!

Yeah, so I was supposed to get caught up on all the work I've been slacking on due to The Finster Effect. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to get anything done with a houseguest. I kind of figured H and Girl-H would be out seeing movies, going to the arcade, or just generally not being here so I could work. But no. I've barely gotten anything done since Friday. And oddly enough, H got totally attitudey with me when I asked him to clear out so I could record before Girl-H woke up. I didn't make it, and a 20 minute recording took well over an hour. And I still have to edit, mix and post it. I'm super pissed off though, so I'm getting stuff off my chest so that anything I write today doesn't turn out sarcastic. I have to edit and post the Save Evans City Cemetery Chapel article, and draft that Dead Mann Walking book review. Spoiler Alert: I liked it!

Come to think of it, I was pissed off yesterday. Still sick--food poisoning, I think. Had to go to work and every single call I took was some older-than-Moses person who wanted me to explain how the internet worked. 'Tis the season for people who know less than fuck-all about the stuff they want to buy for their kids and grandkids, nieces and nephews, and then they want to argue with me about the stuff they know nothing about. For the record:
--There is no key of 6. Key signatures are in letters, genius.
--Cellos do not require chinrests.
--A viola needs four strings, and 13 inches is NOT "as big as they come."
--You can't use a pencil, vaseline, or tacky glue instead of rosin.
--The bow does not have strings on it. It has hair. Horsehair.
--We do not sell "vegan" bows. Fake bowhair sounds like ass.
--Everything that costs more than $20 is not necessarily a "ripoff."
--No, I will not transcribe the music before I send it. Even if I knew how, I wouldn't.
--No, I will not drive to the post office to stop your package because you ordered the wrong thing.
--No, it is not a good idea to leave a water resistant case out in the rain, idiot.
--No, I will not give you a discount just because you asked.
--No, you cannot have free shipping because you're a long-time customer.

Plus, my November sales bonus that I intended to use to buy Girl-H's gift was not even big enough to buy the warranty for her gift. The bonus scale already screws part timers because it's based on a 40-hour work week. But now that they've given me a zillion other jobs to do, I have even less time on the phones to make sales. Combine that with the fact that they took our holiday pay and I'm down a couple hundred dollars a year before I pay for a single cab.
Long story short, I really need to get the hell out of that place.

Quickly, TV-wise:
--Dexter is rocking my socks. I still really want Deb to die, though I love her more than ever this season.
--American Horror Story is consistently awesome and continues to kick my ass. Last week's reveal was truly magnificent. I heart Tate.
--Still watching Terra Nova. Meh.
--Boardwalk Empire finale was terribly upsetting. Fuck Eli.
--Bag of Bones is on the DVR, hopefully I'll have time to watch soon.

To sum up, I'm cranky and irritated and have tons of work to do.
Off I go then...

The day-job is alarmingly not-shitty so far this week. In a mere 5 hours, I'll be off until Friday. Nice. We have a few new peeps who seem pretty good, and I'm happy to know that we're actually doing some hiring. Kind of tired of seeing working people get shafted over and over.

Heard from a person recently who literally believes homosexuality is a choice. I am baffled as to how someone who's ever been in love, or a teenager, can make that claim. Didn't everybody go through that phase when you have a mad crush on someone and couldn't get them out of your head no matter what? Can't study, everything reminds you of them, dirty thoughts etc? You have no "control" over those feelings. You can't switch them off or redirect them at another person, or another gender. You'd think the staggering numbers of gay teen suicides alone would make it abundantly clear that getting your ass kicked by dumb jocks and disowned by your parents is not a "choice." Michelle Bachman's "ex-gay" husband not withstanding.

Book went to Beta Readers yesterday. I anxiously await their commentary. Taking a break to catch up on interview Q's, podcast editing, articles, and a short story I've been pondering for a bit. I keep thinking that if I do enough networking and virtual mingling, that eventually I'll meet that one person with the power to propel me to fame. Truthfully though, it seems like successful writers are so because they work and write their asses off.
Hard work, feh. ;-]

The budget? No, I'm not discussing it. I'll just mention that I have enough faith in Obama to say that I think he's got something up his sleeve. He has a way of busting out with the good stuff at just the right moment. (Giggity) I believe in you, Barack.

And finally: Fuck, I'm tired.

Contrary to the drunken conversations I've been having since high school, I will be going to my day-job tomorrow even though it's the day before The Rapture. Granted, a Friday night shift promises to be largely devoid of actual work. And I'll be coming home to stay up all night and write. Or wandering the desolate earth, looting and crying out for my lost opportunities to bond with a non-mexican named Jesus. Either way, I'll be working on The Finster Effect.

To paraphrase a movie I like:
This book is so goddamn good, it makes my heart hurt.

Still have not figured out the source of my podcast audio issues. Garageband produces stutters in the vocals, like the reverse of a skip--repeating a small segment of the vocal so it sounds like a stutter. Sometimes it does it two or three times in succession. I don't understand it. I don't know how to fix it. And I'm tired of it making me look like a chump. The Apple Geniuses were NOT aptly named in this case. It's not my recorder, it's Garageband. It's not related to memory, or disc space. Anybody have any ideas?

Are you guys aware of Poe? Not the goth horror guy, but the sister of the guy who wrote House of Leaves? She's a singer, and I love her. Her voice sounds like Sheryl Crow, but not annoying and not singing about being drunk, or on the beach, or drunk on the beach.

Anyway, if I'm wrong and this Saturday really *is* The Rapture, I'm going to feel very silly. Eternal torment for refusing to kowtow to the HDIC (Head Deity In Charge)? That's like a forever version of a bad customer service situation. Oh, so you refuse to believe in me just because there are no concrete signs of my existence? So...you're letting the fact that I've hidden myself from your kind for hundreds of years get in the way of the blind obedience some of your people claim I require? Well, then that's the last time I try to bring salvation here!
And being stuck on the earth while all the godly pious types ascend? That's gotta feel like having to stay at work after your shift ends because of a tornado. Really? I don't even have to be here anymore and I'm still here? Hmmm...nice cars around here. I'd probably be a pretty good driver if there was no one else on the road.

At Ye Olde Day Jobbe once again. It seems that the less I am here, the more coming in seems like a giant, annoying inconvenience. I want to stay home, wrestle with my Crazy, and finish this book. And kids, let me tell you that The Finster Effect is shaping up to be a damn good book. No idea if it will be done on time, but I'm totally going for it.

Killed a character last night, and not the one I was planning to kill. A lot of sad things are happening in this book. I guess Darabont and his penchant for zombie drama is rubbing off on me. Maybe Bear McCreary can score my book trailer, LOL. Speaking of which, I'm thinking that I will produce a book trailer this time around. It'll probably only take 3 or 4 times as long as producing a podcast ep. I'd just have to muddle through iMovie in a slightly better fashion than I muddle though Garage Band.

Glenn Beck's show is getting canceled. Before we celebrate the reemergence of sanity, let me remind you that this has everything to do with advertisers, and nothing whatever to do with conscience, reality, truth, fairness, or balance. Beck became so batshit crazy that pretty much only cheap gold hawkers, dehydrated food and bomb shelter companies, and Depends undergarments will actually advertise on his program. It doesn't mean that his batshit audience is maturing or regaining their sanity.

My annoyance with politics is once again, forcing me to take a step back. Every time Mike Huckabee opens his fat mouth, I just want to sock him in it. Fat bashing aside, all this Christian Nation bullshit gives me a rash. The biggest bite of it is, they don't actually want a charitable, kinder nation. When they say a Christian Nation they mean anti-gay rights, anti-choice, pro-war, and posting their Jebus rules on every building everywhere. Somehow, they also mean pro-death penalty, no gun restrictions, and violent rhetoric as far as the eye can see. They are no less "death to the infidels" than the fundie muslims they're always bitching about.

I have no problem with someone who says "I love Jebus." My issue is with those folks who think anyone who doesn't love Jebus is a Satanist, terrorist, amoral, evil, or trying to ruin this great Xian nation of ours.

This past weekend, I did my first ever appearance at a body-positive event. ( Preemptive disclaimer about the kind(s) of fuckery that will not be tolerated in the comments. ) These kinds of things are also referred to as "Fat Acceptance," "BBW/BHM events," "Health-at-Every-Size" initiatives, or may be associated with NAAFA or similar group. This particular one involved a new group called Love Your Body Detroit. The event was a fundraiser called BODYSLAM. There were vendors, poetry and prose, foodstuffs, and an art display--The Vagina Show to be exact. I like vagina's as much as the next person, but stuff like this is just silly to me:

I am so much more than my vag (excuse me, my yoni), my period, etc.

Anywhoo, it was held at the Trumbullplex. The chicks were awesome, the crowd was fun, there was a chick selling underwear with a diagram of uteri printed on the front, and some that said "yes means yes." There was also an artist named Alex Heberling who did a great drawing of me. Once H scans it, I'll be using it as a profile pic here and there. Eventually, I'll teach the world that not all women in horror are barely 18, half-naked, and repeatedly falling on their asses after tripping over nothing.

( A few pics from the evening )

Oddly, there aren't any pics of me at the show. There is, however, some video. I've never actually posted a video of myself online before. Because you see...I'm pretty fat. Not someone who could be confused with chubby, no. I'm She'd be so pretty if... fat. AKA, Doesn't she know she could drop dead of a heart attack any second?!? fat. I exercise every day. Really. And while I do love cheeseburgers, I generally eat pretty well. I feel a great need to explain (read excuse) my weight, and insist that when judging me, people factor in my thyroid, depression, medication, etc etc etc so they know I'm trying. So they know I'm not lazy, not a gluttonous pig, not any of the things they assume I am based on my size. I am so uncomfortable looking at the footage of myself at the event, that it's a damn good thing I showed up.



Yeah, I'm fat. I'm also a goddamn genius. I'd take that over being a skinny idiot any damn day of the week. I couldn't get this vid to upload at my site, so I'm actually posting it publicly on YouTube, thereby making it viewable to the entire interwebs. If people are mean enough to me, maybe I can redeem myself on Daniel Tosh's show. ;-]

Ah yes, the Gregorian calendar year. Makes basically no sense, has to be adjusted ever four years, and puts the new year in the silliest place imaginable. Anyway, let's reflect on the year, shall we?

( Resolutions, how we did last year; and looking ahead )

The year in TV had a few highlights. Unlike a lot of people, I loved the LOST finale. Still haven't bought the last season. I need to though, not like I have time to watch it.
Season 3 of True Blood was delightful. I adored seeing Denis O'Hare all flamboyantly jazzed up and creating discord. Even more fun than the fantastic Michelle Forbes last season.
The Walking Dead has lots to like about it. But not a whole lot that's new. Really, the most unique thing about it is that it focuses on the drama rather than the horror.
Caprica was well written and acted, not really sure why it was cancelled except that SyFy is probably trying to save up to buy more wrestling shows. Jackasses. That they have the nerve to show CGI crapfests all weekend long and then cancel the smartest show they had does not bode well for their future as a nerd approved network. Then again, neither did spelling their name with 2 Y's.
I discovered Criminal Minds this year, bidding Law & Order a fond farewell; and Dexter which made me realize that KMLYLM is darker than I realized.
The year's low lights include season 2 of Hung, V, The Event, and anything FOX plays on Sundays that is not a cartoon.

In movies, I really enjoyed The following new movies:
Inception
Harry Potter 7.1
Piranha 3D
Iron Man 2
Shutter Island
I also dug a few movies I'd been meaning to watch:
Let the Right One In
REC
Martyrs
Home Movie
The Road
No Country for Old Men
Inglourious Basterds

I also discovered Jack Ketchum this year. God damn, he is like the find of a lifetime. He has altered the way I look at horror and the writing of it, the creation of fear, boundaries, how to take people along for the ride, how to build suspense without the reader even realizing. He is just fucking incredible. Not being him, I just don't have the words to fully express the profundity with which I adore his work. I was also reminded that some fantastic novels have been turned into some bland, awful films. Sadly, The Girl Next Door is one such instance. I still don't think the people who made that movie understand why the book is good.

As for me, I turned 40 this year without incident. I had a tiny cancer scare and learned that all my friends are wonderful people. My third horror (and best to date, if I may say so) novel was published. I produced my very first audiobook CD which a great many amazing talents supported and participated in. I appeared in my third published anthology and my first hardcover. I had my first classy book release party, and got my first bit of hate mail based solely on one of my books.

Happy Pretend New Year, Everyone!
As the late, great Carlin would say "Bye Bye! Don't let self doubt interfere with your plans to improve your life!" Well, some people need practical advice.