Feasting my Peepers on Time Sucking Media

[wednes]

Since LOST ended, I've been wondering how it would impact TV on the whole. Would every network try a similarly budgeted and convoluted show that requires intense study and nerdy devotion to fully process? The Event premiered on Monday, and we got our definitive answer: Kinda. It introduced lots of characters, jumped around between "now" and 11-months ago, three weeks ago, yesterday, all over the place. Basically, some chick went missing, leading a guy to crash a plane into a black president. How avant garde. Not. H liked it, and it's on Mondays--which means we can watch it together. So we're gonna give it a whirl. But NOT in a rabid fangirl way. I'm not ready to do that again.
I'd also like to mention the rumor that Terry "The Stepfather" O'Quinn and Michael "The Delightfully Psychotic" Emerson are in talks to do some kind of dramatic buddy comedy series together. Gimme Gimme Gimme it!!! I can only watch those William Hinks episodes of The Practice on my iPod so many times. ;-] That's not true, I could watch them to infinity.

Criminal Minds comes back tonight. This is the first new season since my obsession with this program began. I'm stoked. H and I had a big money talk when he found out I couldn't afford my pills recently, and gave me a sound verbal thrashing for not telling him earlier--which I totally deserved. We take our personal autonomy pretty seriously around here. In some ways he wants me to rely on him more, which he views as a trust issue. At the same time, he won't ask me to so much as make him a sandwich. Anyway, he made a flip comment a while ago that I interpreted incorrectly. The result being that I thought we were having enormous money problems when actually, we're fine if we don't start suddenly living with extravagance. There was, apparently, no reason for me not to go to the doctor OR get my pills. So I'll be doing that pronto. Sad thing is, I like to think I'm a much better communicator than that. I go around reasonably certain that my marriage is awesome and that H and I are pretty much always on the same page. What I wasn't factoring in was that I am mentally fucking ill. I wasn't factoring in that if I'm feeling bad enough, I feel like I don't deserve empathy, or help, or even to be healthy and do my best to take care of myself. I feel like I'm foisting my mental illness on him, and that he shouldn't have to deal with it. I get into an overwhelming blame spiral (I know, that's a bullshit psychology term fraught with fuckery--but in this case, it's apt) where I can't imagine why anyone on earth would tolerate my bullshit. But that's not reality. In reality I am valued and loved by a great many exceptional people. And that's not fuckery. That's something I've done myself, by not settling for shit, and by generally being an okay person. Ultimately, I should have known that H wouldn't have allowed us to be so irresponsible as to make me go without medication. We have jobs, we don't live lavishly; there's no reason we can't afford al of our basics. H and I are fine, both marriage-wise and money-wise. So nobody needs to panic about it, least of all me. To illustrate this point, H got me my cable back. We even have Showtime (which I have never had before) so I can watch Dexter. The HD/DVR box isn't here yet, but they zapped our box with the new channels and the On Demand. I watched the first two eps of Season Three of Tru Blood last night. Awesome!!! There's also a whole new season of Hung I didn't know about. Right now Showtime is showing a movie starring Judd Nelson and Dale Midkiff, followed by a one-star Jaws ripoff starring Antonio Sabato Jr. Ahh...cable. That's the stuff...

We went to see Devil last night. I thought going in that it was directed by M Night Shymalan. It was not. But the guy who did direct was clearly his minion. It was a not-quite-as-thoughtful portrayal of something M Night would have done. I found it suspenseful, though I gotta admit that keeping information from the audience by making it go dark is totally overdone. And these dark scenes were far too long. I did enjoy the way information was parceled out, but the revelations were forced and again, tired. It had some great moments and good performances, but I found it to be routine and underwhelming. That bumms me out, as I was poised to enjoy it.

Still working on some short stories, one in particular. I don't think I've ever written a ghost story. I find them to be typically boring and trite. Someone died badly, they haunt a person or a place. *Yawn* But I have a cool idea and was asked to contribute to another anthology. Plus, the guy who asked is pretty good and I'm pleased to be involved. Thinking about doing the ol' NaNoWriMo Zokutuo clause thingy this year, if only to get my ass in gear on the new book. It's gonna be so good, it saddens me that it isn't further along. In case you missed it, it's a zombie novel called The Finster Effect after my dear friend Finster who shared a cool idea with me. Plus, I less-than-three zombies.

Speaking of crazy, this recent xkcd sums up one of the most perpetually plaguing aspects of my inner monologue.



Due to this mindset, I have actually convinced myself that when I kiss H before he or I goes to work, that the act of us kissing is magical and will keep us safe. I shudder to think what a competent psychiatrist would make of that--it fails on so many levels. Psyche docs call that "reframing." I call it batshit. But if it lets me sleep at night, fuck it, I don't care.

Comments

[groovesinorbit]

I still don't say "goodbye" to people because that was the last thing I said to my mom before she died. I know it's silly, and I don't even think about it consciously that much anymore--it's just habit--but there it is. I'll say "'bye", but not the full word. It was impossible to convince myself that words didn't have power back then, and it lingers.

[wednes]

*nods* I hear you man. That kind of thing is sometimes labeled as a delusion or a superstition. I prefer to think of it as a coping tool.

[groovesinorbit]

'Coping tool' is a much better term. : )

[diachrony]

I'm so glad you and H had that convo and cleared things up. Your meds are very important! And yay for being okay money-wise. H is a sweetie, getting your cable back.

I'm not watching any live tv anymore ... no time. I like watching tv series on DVD, even more so every year, because I have less time to follow the tv schedule every year. I love being immersed in the story with no forced interruptions.

[wednes]

I hear you man. A lot of my cable love comes from the DVR, so I don't have to schedule my life around television to be able to enjoy a few shows. It's very nice. Plus I can DVR my Sunday night shows so I'm not distracted by recording when my peeps are here.

[opaqueplanet]

It's called "magical thinking", and it's a sign of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, although not everybody who does it is OCD.

Classic example: Sportsfan Bob must always wear orange socks on Game Day or his team will do poorly. Cases where he wears the socks and the team still does poorly are dismissed (you win some you lose some), but cases where he forgets to wear the socks and they lose haunt him. Bob knows this loss is his fault, more than the players or coach. Cases where he forgets to wear socks and his team still does well are attributed to his team being the best in the league, they can overcome such insurmountable odds as terrible sock-luck.

[wednes]

I know I'm not the only person who does that. But I am kind of stuck on whether or not I think it's "crazy" because it has no basis in scientific fact. But I know it doesn't, so am I saner because I admit that I'm aware of my own delusion? I have no idea.

[wednes]

:-]

[opaqueplanet]

am I saner because I admit that I'm aware of my own delusion?

yes. If you know it doesn't actually make you or him safer, you just do it to feel better, it's more like a teddy bear. And as long as it doesn't interfere with your life, everyone is allowed to have teddy bears.