wednes: (Default)
wednes ([personal profile] wednes) wrote2006-07-27 06:15 pm
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*salutes* Laters!

Alright children, I'm leaving town.
I'll be back Sunday night...or whenever I feel like strollling back into town.

WARNING: this is a babbly rant inspired by a disagreement that resulted in an unfreinding:
But before I go, I'd like to go on the record (again) as being opposed to the death penalty.
And I also oppose the gov't right to make lists of citizens that anyone can access, using unclear or downright arbitraty criteria in order to placate people by pointing out where the "bad people" are--be they communists, pot smokers, enemy radicals, or "sex offenders."

Over 90% of children in this country who are molested, beaten, kidnapped or murdered are victims of their own parents and less than half of those parents do any jail time. Where're the laws to protect children from their own parents?
Almost nowhere, because people don't have a panicky, knee-jerk reaction to abusers that they have for pedophiles. And while pedophilia is abhorent, it almost never results in death.
But in the end, the government should NOT get to kill people even if their mental illness makes people really, really, really, really uncomfortable. If they commit a crime, by all means, they should go to prison. And they should have counseling. And they should have lifetime parole so they don't hurt anyone. But they should not be at the mercy of everyone they meet for the rest of their lives--which is the end result of such lists.

And just to be clear, just because I don't think pedophiles should be put to death doesn't mean I'm pro-sex-with-children. Not sure why I have to say that, but apparently it's not clear to everyone.
I suggest that educating people, including children would help a lot. Not just that whole "good tough/bad touch" thing, but the dangers of secret keeping, finding "lost" puppies, being photographed by strangers, don't talk to strangers, etc . That would be a lot more proactive than making a bunch of lists that send people into hysteria upon finding out that there neighbor once had a younger girlfriend or peed in the park. Not that I'm making light of molestation or abuse. I'm not. People seem deluded by the idea that you're safer knowing some of the criminal history of your neighbors. If you want to know so bad, why don't you go to city hall and look it up? No matter who you are or where you live, that shit will make you want to move.

Besides, this is just another Bush smokescreen to get people fighting with eachother while gas prices climb and he treats the UN like a four-pack of Charmin. Like American Idol, I'm suprised and angered that people fall for it. I'd never watch American Idol, but I always fall for this social policy as law bullshit. ;-[

Ultimately, the responsibility for protecting children comes first from parents, then from the community, then...distantly, from the government. It's not as if you can assume people are safe because they're not on "the list." And if you're trusting the feds, or even local law enforcement to label all the bad people for you, you're kidding yourself. You'll have to rely on *gasp* instinct and common sense. Good luck.

And finally, I'm always sad when people remove me from their lists because of a disagreement. I'm always much more keen on talking that shit out. Too bad really. Funny though, because this certain someone was involved in more drama in my journal that anyone else...except Nate. ;-} Ah well...as the goth kids say: cest la vie!

Now I have to go spend the weekend on a boat. Wheeee!

[identity profile] wurmwyd.livejournal.com 2006-07-27 11:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Hi there!

I always regard accusations of child molestation with a heavy dose of skepticism. When I was 18 years old, I had a girlfriend that was 14. We never actually had sex, but in theory, we could have. If we had, I have no doubt that her mom would have had me arrested for statutory rape. Which means that my name would probably be on a sex offender registry somewhere now if that had happened.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
Well then, you're obviously a violent predator and your neighbors should be warned against you. ;-}

In all seriousness, It's very sad that our society is still so fucked up about sex. Whoever made up the old axiom "if you like it, it's probably bad for you" kind of fucked sex up for everybody. (pun intended)

[identity profile] vjsmom.livejournal.com 2006-07-27 11:31 pm (UTC)(link)
I've heard of kids who get caught skinny-dipping having their names put on sex offender lists.

As Brian points out every time we get some flyer in the neighborhood alerting of a sex offender who has moved in anywhere near the neighborhood, the person about whom we are bsing warned has already been punished for his/her crime(s). Yeah, they might do it again, and if they do, then they should be punished--not before they've commited another crime. (I was shocked the first time this flyer thing happened, by the way--I guess I have some neighbors who actually monitor this kind of thing.)

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
I guess I have some neighbors who actually monitor this kind of thing.

Really? You'd think they'd be too busy watching their kids.

(please pardon my venemous cynicism)

[identity profile] nokturnalia.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
I've expressed empathy towards pedophiles a few times on the internet and always some decide I'm a horrible person for it. Pro-molestation and rape or making light of victims' suffering at least. I've gotten used to such reactions from strangers, but it does hurt when it's someone you thought knows you and is your friend.

And when I say empathy towards pedophiles I mean recognizing that they are not all the same way. They're not all predators with no qualms about harming children. Some never harm any children, some just fantasize about having sex with children and hate themselves for it. Some molested a child and think it's as wrong as any one of us does, are in therapy and take libido killers. I don't think demonizing all pedophiles and wanting them dead is the way to approach this problem, I believe we should try and see that a lot of these people want help and are afraid to seek it because of this lynching thing we have going on.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
Right on, man. You've made some excellent points here. While I am indeed, hurt by the exchange, I'm also frustrated by the idea of treating mentally ill people as criminals simply because of the nature of their illness. I have to say that it's both ignorant and absurd to translate not wishing death or exile for someone as accepting and supporting all of their actions.

It's also true that most molestors have been victims of molestation, which is tragic--especailly because treatment and therapy are so readily availible today. Current attitudes though, do more to prevent people from seeking treatment than actually protecting anyone or addressing the real problem.

[identity profile] nokturnalia.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Current attitudes though, do more to prevent people from seeking treatment than actually protecting anyone or addressing the real problem.

You nailed it. Perfectly put.

[identity profile] spiralwitch.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
hey, have fun on a boat! :jealous:

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
Sad times...the boat would not start.

But worry not--for fun was had in myraid other ways.

[identity profile] spiralwitch.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 09:19 pm (UTC)(link)
well that is good to hear :) glad to hear fun was had in plenty!

(Anonymous) 2006-07-28 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
The paraphilias, of which pedophilia is one, are not well-understood in pop psychology. There is a lot more than just the sheer definition of pedophilia going on when someone actually acts out the fantasy or otherwise harms a child. By definition, a paraphilia is arousal in the presence of a stimulus - voyeurs, frotteurs, fetishists, masochists, sadists, etc....all are in the same psychological class.

I love to tease people by saying that the pedophiles whose exploits make the evening news represent a mere fraction of the actual pedophile population most likely, as most of them....well, they don't do anything and you'd never know. Morbid humor, I know.

As for the government killing people, I've always been adamantly against the death penalty. Justice should not be about short-term emotional gratification for the victims and the families, and killing someone for killing someone, for example, solves nothing in the end. It's the same reason I am always mystified by the phrase "deserve to live". There is no minimum moral standard on life.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
I am always mystified by the phrase "deserve to live". There is no minimum moral standard on life.

Bravo!



[identity profile] maxverbosity.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
The paraphilias, of which pedophilia is one, are not well-understood in pop psychology. There is a lot more than just the sheer definition of pedophilia going on when someone actually acts out the fantasy or otherwise harms a child. By definition, a paraphilia is arousal in the presence of a stimulus - voyeurs, frotteurs, fetishists, masochists, sadists, etc....all are in the same psychological class.

I love to tease people by saying that the pedophiles whose exploits make the evening news represent a mere fraction of the actual pedophile population most likely, as most of them....well, they don't do anything and you'd never know. Morbid humor, I know.

As for the government killing people, I've always been adamantly against the death penalty. Justice should not be about short-term emotional gratification for the victims and the families, and killing someone for killing someone, for example, solves nothing in the end. It's the same reason I am always mystified by the phrase "deserve to live". There is no minimum moral standard on life.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:40 am (UTC)(link)
LOL I should have known that was you. ;-}

Do you have a zillion secret LJ identities?
Is that why you're always logging out?

[identity profile] maxverbosity.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 10:28 am (UTC)(link)
Nope, it's just that I often find myself scanning journals on the laptop in the family room, and this isn't a computer where I am logged in all the time (it's my wife's machine, technically).

[identity profile] everythingtold.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
My parents have even empathized with sex offenders to a point: when someone writes a letter to the editor whining that there's a sex offender in the neighborhood and 'now the seven-year-old can't play outside w/o supervison and now their 14-year old daughter can't go jogging at 6 a.m. without supervison' and how they pay to 'live where it's safe'. I mean, I almost want to write them back and ask what the fuck makes them so special that they can't live near someone like that and ask them what they want to do - have the sex offenders move to MY neighborhood where most parents are single and work weird hours so the kids don't HAVE supervision or extra curricular activities where they have something to do because their parents can't afford it? Lovely.

Sorry - tangent. But even so, my mom came up to me with a postcard depicting this sex offender who lives exactly one block from us - that makes SEVEN in our neighborhood - three of them in walking distance to a school (as in less than four blocks). She said, "Oh, don't leave Anthony outside in the backyard - even to answer the phone!" I wouldn't anyway. I have this strange idea that NO ONE should be letting their 14-year-old daughter go jogging at 6 a.m. anyway nor, should they be letting their seven-year-old play outside unsupervised.

But you know what? I pointed out to my mom that the guy is MY age - and he was convicted in 1998 when he was 19. My guess? Some girl lied about her age, or he had a young girlfriend who whined 'rape' when her parents found out about it. It states 'rape of a minor'. I forget the legal age of consent in this state but a 14-year-old CAN look like a 16-year-old and a 16-year-old can look like a 19-year-old . . . the lines get a little fuzzy there a few years on either side. Especially considering how young some girls start developing. Especially considering the way people talk/act/think/how street-smart/book smart people of different ages are.

I'm wondering what this minor's parents were doing when the girl was raped anyway - maybe they both grew up in a nice, rich, safe neighborhood where she was jogging alone and he did rape her.

Point is - mom automatically assumed he touched some little kid's wee wee.

Grr - I just say, "pay attention to what your children are up to" and "maybe if you give the people therapy, they can manage their attraction to children if that is the case.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 05:49 am (UTC)(link)
Too true. Watch your kids, rather than assuming your neighborhood is safe because no one is on "The List." So simple, even someone from Ohio can do it.

Hahahahaha!
Sorry Anne, couldn't resist. ;-]

Besides, the kind of predator who snatches children off the street isn't going to "hunt" in his own neighborhood.

[identity profile] everythingtold.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 01:19 pm (UTC)(link)
It's OK :-) I totally agree with your last line. And, not all sex offenders hurt children - I'd venture to say most DON'T. In fact, two of the sex offenders in my neighborhood are just rapists - not to deminish something like that but most cases of rape are cases of date rape - not grabbing some random person off the sidewalk. Actually, we'd KNOW if it were that kind of thing. As far as I understand - there's only been two cases of that in this area - over a span of 20 years. Kids are generally safe from rapists, strangers aren't going to offer them drugs and their biggest danger is probably some moronic parent not paying attention when they come home high or stay overnight at a friends and not explain themselves until the next morning. Sheesh

[identity profile] stranger-tales.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
When she was eleven, my girlfriend was raped by her father. I imagine the only thing worse than being raped by a grown man when you're an eleven year old girl is for that man to be your father. In one fell swoop you forever lose whatever sense of security you have and you lose your father. Her knowing not to talk to strangers and not to help men find lost puppies didn't do a bit of good because her father didn't need to sweep her off the street. He simply went to her bedroom and did what he wanted with her. It so happens that he's now serving time in Arizona. So I guess he's paying his debt to society. But he'll never, ever be able to pay his debt to her. How could he possibly?

Would killing him solve anything? I suppose not. It certainly won't bring back whatever he took from her that day. Taking his life won't change the fact that she's been forever scarred by his actions. Theoretically it might prevent him from doing the same to someone else but we can't punish a crime that hasn't been committed. That wouldn't be fair, would it?

In the end, this is one of those scenarios that can't fully be appreciated until you've experienced it first hand. Even if you know someone who such a thing happened to. That's just not the same as if it were your own child. And there aren't too many people in this world, regardless how fair minded or how liberal they may be, who, upon learning that their child had been molested, wouldn't be screaming for that person's blood.

And they should have lifetime parole so they don't hurt anyone. How exactly would that prevent a criminal from hurting anyone? Parole can no more prevent crime than a restraining order or a background check.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
That is horrible to hear about your girlfriend. No one should have to endure anything so ghastly.

I don't normally discuss my own history of molestation in this journal, for the potentially obvious reason that I don't like talking about it.
I certainly understand the array of emotions that people go through, even though my first molestor was a non-blood related uncle and not my dad. He would follow me into the bathroom at family gatherings and watch me...then it escalated. For me, the worst part was that it made me throw up, and my mom would drag me out of the gathering telling me how much I'd embarassed her. She assumed I'd eaten a bunch of food and made myself sick because she wasn't watching me "every single minute." I did fantasize about killing him as a child, and indeed, my first novel contains the murder of a neighborhood pedophile as a sub plot. But while I understand the emotion involved, I fantasize about plenty of things I wouldn't want to face the consequences of (emotionally or legally) if I did them--murder being near the top of the list.

And they should have lifetime parole so they don't hurt anyone.

This was actually written in haste so I didn't really phrase it properly. What I was getting at was that someone should be keeping an eye on convicted or confessed rapists (and other violent criminals for that matter) when they get out of prison--making sure they have meds and therapy, or an ankle bracelet even, would do more good than making up a list that treats people who pee in the park the same as predatory pedophiles. People often are released from prison without treatment or meds; obviously, for certain mental disorders that's very dangerous to the public.
I just think that people trained in the treatment of such disorders should decide what the ongoing preventative therapy should be, rather than the town mob. Mob mentality can also be a very scary, violent, and dangerous thing.

Certainly, whenever someone hurts a child, our first instinct is often vengeful. People acting out of greif though, are not the best ones to make life or death choices about people they (in all liklihood) do not know. I also maintain, although reasonable people can disagree, that executing the mentally ill is just plain wrong.

[identity profile] uterdic.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
Well, if this person were a good Christian, they'd forgive them.

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 06:12 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, snap.

Although I think we both know it's a tad more complex than that, you do raise a fine point about how some people are pro-life until they see something that frightens them, like a terrorist or a percieved predator.

[identity profile] alex-a-polukhin.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
I'll be back Sunday night
Good luck!

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
Hey, I'm back.

Had a swell time!

[identity profile] lachupacabra.livejournal.com 2006-07-28 11:51 am (UTC)(link)
i dont think the government should be the ones to kill
pedophiles. i think they should just let ME do it. with my
bare hands. its not like i dont need a fucking job anyway.
;)

[identity profile] wednes.livejournal.com 2006-07-31 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
In all honesty, I would have less of a problem with an individual committing a "crime of passion" or revenge murder than having it simply be gov't police to kill people convicted of certain, non-lethal offences. Of course, I'm not saying murder is ever okay, (or that non lethal offenses can't be as damaging as lethal ones) just that I could empathize more in a personal hands-on murder than one committed as a way to "teach the rest of 'em a lesson."

But be careful, because I'm told that executioners often develop serious emtional issues associated with that kind of work. There's also that awesome Tales from the Crypt episode: The Man Who Was Death. Good stuff!!

[identity profile] nate101000.livejournal.com 2006-08-03 09:56 pm (UTC)(link)
There is one aspect of pedophilia that people never think about. How many times have you thought about stealing something, hitting someone, or just in general committing a harmful/illegal act but didn't? And how many times have you thought about it and did it? It's probably true that for every active pedophile out there there's probably at least one person who hasn't acted on their urges. Before we start killing pedophiles, maybe we should study them, so that we can understand them, so that we can identify them in advance and get them the treatment they need. Sure it will be more expensive, but in the long run it will save countless future victims, and it won't involve state sanctioned murder.