wednes | Sadie's Query:

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Sadie's Query:

Hi all,

I have rewritten my query letter for my first novel A Stabbing for Sadie. I could really use some input, if anyone is so disposed. If you've read the book, I'd like to know if this is a fair representation of it. If not, I need to know if this would make you want to read it. And feel free to add any suggestions on how to make it better, no matter how nitpicky.

Keep in mind that these letters are supposed to be written without adjectives describing the book, and that things are properly underlined in the actual text.

Please consider reviewing for publication my novel: A Stabbing for Sadie, a work of horror fiction. This is one of those stories that appeals to anyone who has ever questioned their own sanity (but those funny-looking goth-type teenagers will embrace this book as well). It is the story of Sadie, a precocious but horrifically abused child who grows up to commit a terrible murder. Through a combination of narrative and flashbacks, we gradually piece together the disturbing events that made Sadie what she is. An evocative and morose tale, A Stabbing for Sadie is almost a modern murderers version of Catcher in the Rye. The tone is sarcastic and almost comedic (similar to, but darker than the work of Christopher Moore) as Sadie's wry cynicism permeates every scene. It culminates with a surprise ending that will shock and disturb both seasoned horror fans and thriller junkies alike. Honestly.

I am college graduate with a BA in theatre and broadcasting. My previous writing experience includes scripts for radio broadcast including Sexism, Good Humor Men and You which aired on NPR in 1991, as well as several titles for collegiate campus radio. My short stories have also appeared in the literary magazines Xenolith, and Garfield Lake Review. I have written advertising copy for print and broadcast, and am a 1992 graduate of Olivet College. I have worked in broadcasting, theatre, and marketing; but my passion for fiction and especially horror remains at the forefront of my ambitions.

Thank you in advance for reviewing the enclosed synopsis. A Stabbing for Sadie is completed and a full manuscript is available at your request. I eagerly await your response.

Sincerely,

you know the rest

In zombie culture news, I'm sure by now you've all heard about the lunatic who shot up a zombie-themed raid in Seattle. As I was saying earlier to

aicerno, it's people like that who make people like me look like total fucking jackasses. By all means, have a zombie survival plan. But if you're that afraid of zombies, a zombie themed rave may not be the right place for you. I can only assume he was tripping on LSD and lost his grip on reality. I've been close to that on acid a time or two, which is one of the many reasons I don't strap bandoliers across my chest before going out.

And who the hell is stealing dogs around Ann Arbor and killing them? As we all know, I love cats and have a mild distaste for dogs. But c'mon! That's a whole new level of horror. People say that animal killing is only a step away from something "really bad" like hurting people. I have to say that if you can look at a (non rabid) dog and hurt it--I mean they're cutting off heads for crying out loud--that you are already dangerously disturbed. So hey coppers, how 'bout you find these nut jobbies and get them the hell out of my town?

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We've been talking to Julie Curtis from the humane society, and they're searching for those evil dog-killing creeps. The HSHV says the reward is up to roughly 9 grand for information leading to the arrest & conviction of the guilty party. Police are now working on the case as well.

That's good.

When I ask for crit and people don't give it to me, I get irritated, so I'm giving you my opinions, but in no way is this meant to imply that I don't think the letter is good. I do, but I would word things a little differently.

I get the feeling that you're going for sort of a casual, conversational feel, but it's coming off a little uneven. For the first part, I would try:

Please consider reviewing for publication my novel: A Stabbing for Sadie, a work of horror fiction. ~~This is one of those stories~~It's a story that ~~appeals~~ speaks to anyone who has ever questioned their own sanity~~(but those funny-looking goth-type teenagers will embrace this book as well).~~ and yet still allows those funny-looking goth-type teenagers to embrace it as their own.

I think your point on that last part is that "funny-looking goth-type teenagers" tend to like things that only they know about. As in, if it's popular and mainstream, they don't find it cool. You're trying to convince the publisher that your work can both find a mainstream audience(anyone who has ever questioned their sanity), and also a cult niche(goth teens). If that's what you're trying to convey, it's not entirely clear. I mean, obviously it's relatively clear, since I got it, but it could be clearer, which is why I changed the wording a bit there.

If that's not the point, then I missed the point, and you can just ignore me.

The other thing is that you mentioned that you're not supposed to use adjectives to describe the book, so I would take out, "An evocative and morose tale," and possibly rethink using the words "sarcastic" and "comedic" to describe the tone, though I'm not sure if describing tone is generally accepted or not.

By the by, it does make me want to read the book!! :o)

I appreciate your input, and will surely make some changes based on the feedback I get here. You got my point fine, but I like how you clarified it.

And if you really want to read it, I can Email you a copy. ;-}

Glad to give some input. I know you aren't one of these people, but a lot of times people ask for criticism and then you give it to them and they get all, "Why would you change that?! That's my favorite part. I like it my way better and I didn't think it was that bad to begin with." And then I get all, "I didn't say it was bad! You asked for my input!" Rar. So that's why I had my fun discalimer out. :o)

I seriously would love to read it. msmeed@gmail.com

okay

One might also make the argument that 'funny-looking goth' is redundant.

Ha!

Point taken.
I kind of knew what I wanted to say with that, but wasn't sure how to be casually witty without sounding like a pompous jackass. Always a thin line with me...

This is the first I've heard of the 'zombie' killing shenanigans. Though considering that a nearby town has been the subject of national headlines like Slain Minister's Wife Confessed to His Murder (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,188977,00.html), it's not all that surprising I've missed a few things. All things considered, I'd trade Selmer for Seattle in a New York minute.

It's really a shame though. At 6'5" 280lbs, sounds like that guy would've been a zombie killing machine. You know. When the real ones finally make the scene.

I must agree...not to mention all the ammo that clown wasted!!

I don't know why, but I heard about the woman who killed her minister husband.

I would always attach the first page or 3 of the book. The query on its own does describe the book but doesn't peek curiosity. Providing a couple pages will.

Well yeah, I send 1-3 chapters depending on what they ask for. I also have a synopsis ready and a chapter summary. I don't think anyone is even reading that far.

It's frustrating, because I think if I can convince someone to read the first page, they'll be sucked in.

I don't think you understand me. I said attach the first page to 3 pages to the querry letter. Don't make them ask for it.

Sorry. When I said "ask" I meant according to the press packet guidelines at Writers market. Most of the listings there indicate what specifically the different houses want in the query packets. I always send whatever they ask for, SASE, chapters, query and synopsis, usually. But it varies. Sometimes they specifically say "query only" and will not even look at a big envelope.

But yes, I always send chapters unless they say not to.

1 to 3 pages isn't a big envelope. Sometimes breaking the rules with a extra page that is your first page is worth the risk.

I think only one place so far has said "query only" and I got a simple "no" after they made me wait 3 months for a response.

Right now, I have 3 queries out (even though I often have to send them one at a time, as many house require that) since the first week of Jan--and all three of them got chapters. So hopefully some constructive criticism will arrive with the rejections. Actually, one of the houses is located in my state (Michigan) and I am fairly hopeful about them.

Ok, keep going at it!

Right on! Thanks for the input.

and sorry to hear no one's helping with the move. Funny, as everyone seems to have an opinion how things should be done.

Actually... most editors (and I imagine agents as well) get really pissed off when writers don't follow their stated submission guidelines. They're far less likely to read. It pretty much kills your chances, because right off the bat you've proven yourself to be a writer who's going to be difficult to work with and who doesn't provide what's been asked for.

wednes is on the right track by sticking with what the houses request.

I've never gotten so far as to write a query letter, so I have absolutely nothing useful to say about it, except "go you!" :) Have you seen the community

literary_agents? I know people sometimes post query letters there for help polishing them up.

*sigh* Maybe someday I'll get a handle on how to revise a novel so I can get with the querying too. :)

Whoops. It's

literaryagents.

They only get pissed off at the front pages. If you slip a last page at the back it will be ok. I don't know who you are Roane, but I'm published.

I'll get moved one way or another. No problem.

Btw...the reason why I suggest to add a page or 3 is because your querry letter doesn't make the reader very curious about the book. Thus having no reason to write you back about it.

Will my suggestion you cheat. And no they won't throw your querry out if its one little page attached to the back.

Hey, good for you! I am too. I think published writers are a dime a dozen on LJ. ;) I'm just going by what editors have told me and what I've heard from agents like Jennifer Jackson (

arcaedia here on LJ). Maybe you're the sort of brilliant genius writer who can get away with breaking the rules, but most of us ordinary mortals are better off not doing so.

I know arcaedia. Throwing her name in my face won't help your case. Be a bitch to someone else ok. I've already told Wednesday my reasons as to why I think she needs it. I've also already told her that if she doesn't get published this way well then I'll throw the manuscript at my publisher who I'm 80% positive will publish it. I just think she should try this way first because the book could easily be a big time seller. I've read it.

I'm not in her LJ to start fights with anyone. I was leaving advice for my friend. So take your bitch party somewhere else please thankyouverymuch.

I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that it seemed as if I was trying to start a fight. Nor was I trying to "throw names" in your face. I was just trying to explain why I thought breaking the rules might put

wednes at a disadvantage with the major houses. Small presses might be different. It's all good; we're both just trying to help, so there's really no need to call me a bitch. Thanks!

I didn't call you a bitch.

I was refering to the large publishing houses. Her query letter is weak, so I suggested a cheat. However it is the best query letter she's come up with so far.

I hate query letters. Worse than tax forms.

I was not aware of that comm, (it's without the underscre, BTW) and went ahead and joined.

I've actually been sending out queries for the first novel for over a year now...almost, since May '05. But I'm not even getting them to read long enough to tell me why they don't want it. So I thought I'd rework the letter for pubs and agents alike.

Thanks! And by all means, start sending stuff out!! I have a cool collection of rejections. This may sound silly, but it's more than most people have. ;-}

I've only ever published scientific articles, so I've never written a query letter. BUT, I can say that I like the novel, so I have a biased interest in your letter. The grammatical suggestions by pyrafire are good, although I don't like the phrase "funny looking goth kids" but I do think it's good to suggest two different audiences. I would also take out "Honesty." because (although I agree) you are biased. I haven't read the novel in a long time, but I remember getting totally sucked in by the first pages (does she still wake up all bloody and confused?) and so I like the idea of adding some teaser pages, but I'm not officially entering THAT weird fight so it's up to you. Also, is there a reason you say, "...made Sadie what she is," instead of who she is? Otherwise, I like it. It's so hard to sell yourself. Especially a very emotionally attached part of yourself. Good luck!

Thanks man, I appreciate the input.

For whatever reason, I have a much more difficult time figuring out why my stuff is good. I just know if I like it and if it feels good to write it. That's why I really need graduate school.

I wasn't sure how to say "funny looking goth kids" without actually using that phrase. But I have some good ideas now, so that's all cool.

Funny...I was an inhouse editor at Ace Books and Macmillan, and I pretty much concur with Roane.

There are good editors and bad editors.

I just won't give advice anymore.

I thought I was posting to a FRIEND'S LJ and not some writer's click list.

Cya.

Actually, I'm a very good editor. But you're right...it wasn't fair of me to jump in on someone else's journal. I apologize.

Thanks.

I'm taking all of this a bit too personal, so I've decided to stop giving advice all together.

Sorry for the 'editors' comment.

I need a vacation. :/

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