I bully bullies!

[wednes]

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I must confess that I have hurt people's feelings with my flip wit. It took me a long time to realize that just because something is timely and hilarious, it may or may NOT need to be exclaimed in front of a room full of people. I do think some people need to laugh at themselves more, even as I recognize that it's not my job to facilitate that if they aren't willing.

I have always been possessed of a rather biting sarcasm which I'm told is how angry people go about looking less angry than they are. When I was a very young kid, I tended to find a weaker kid and bully them--thinking I was being both strong and smart. Apparently this is common in kids who are getting smacked around a lot. It hadn't occurred to me that I might be a bully. I remember once hitting this girl on the head with a broom handle--then being surprised when she started crying. I had no real understanding of how my behavior affected others, or that I had the power to hurt people since usually, I felt completely powerless. I just didn't think I was important enough, particularly with my mother's constant message of "you're nothing special so stop pretending that you are."

These days, bulling is one of my hot-button issues, like abuse in general. This is particularly true when abusers (and even bystanders) blame the victim. Few things make me more pissed than when people are mistreated--then blamed because they don't take it well. The "you're being overly sensitive (of my dicketry)" excuse for being a fucking bully makes me choke on my own rage. I saw a T-shirt once that said RELAX, I'm just being a total asshole that I sorely wanted to buy for someone I think is a big, mean, bully. And of course, this person's lack of self esteem is both obvious and crippling. Kids don't always know better, but if you're 30, you have no fucking excuse.


In other news, I had a marketing stroke of genius this weekend. I'm putting together an audiobook sampler of some short stories and opening novel chapters. I'm gonna sell them for cheap and use it to hook people not just to my books, but to the podcast of the new novel I'm putting together. A guy I went to college with has agreed to read Mikey. And I'm still auditioning people for the Narrator. A couple of peeps asked about reading short stories, so I've sent out a bit of that as well. I'm hoping to record a Sadie chapter tonight or tomorrow, depending on how long it takes me. H is designing the cover and the CD's themselves (I got white-top ones so they can be printed on), and I ordered the discs and cases yesterday. So that is well under way. Happily, we'll be including a selection read by swayworn, and hopefully one read by porcelain72 as well.

Work-wise, I typed up a 3-4 page proposal on Saturday to further my sinister plan to rewrite some catalog copy. It contained many frank opinions and some specific examples of the kind of things I want to focus on. Hopefully it will be well received.

Comments

[everythingtold.livejournal.com]

I don't like bullies either, but I'm not able to bully the bullies. I think we all can be in some way or another (manipulation is a form of bullying or control) and it's hard to know where to draw the line. Nowadays, a teacher can hardly discipline a student without parents screaming, "You bullied my son/daughter in front of the class!" In some ways, "Zero tolerance" goes too far.

But in a way, I wish we'd had a "Zero tolerance" policy at my school when I was younger. I'm not sure how well that is working or how well that would have worked. What constitutes bullying anyway? I used to be so sensitive that if I tripped and someone snickered and said, "Don't fall" I would burst into tears and hurt for days. Some kids are going to whine and cry about it and the other child will get in toruble just because that kid can't laugh at themself. On the other hand, I couldn't open my mouth or get a paper without getting mocked or immitated and I felt like I constantly had to watch my back. More sensitive children are always going to feel like that though. It took until my junior year of high school to realize a lot of people were just kidding. Actually, face book helped a little bit because many of my ex bullies are on there and they're really quite funny people. Many were surprised that I took them so seriously. Others, however, have written me apology letters for being so mean. People do change and grow up

I think a big reason that children bully one another is because the PARENTS don't do anything about it. In fact, quite often, the parents bully the ADMINISTATION for "embarrasing" or "calling out" their children in the middle of class (for bullying!) I once had a co worker who was so irate about how her daughter was "treated" by a teacher that she clocked out and drove over the school for the express purpose of bitching everyone out. Seems her daughter was holding a bathroom stall shut for another little girl. Only the other girl didn't know the door didn't shut and Daughter neglected to explain this. Then, Daughter got sidetracked and forgot the girl was in there. The teacher gave Daughter a detention. When girl called her mom to complain, the teacher had the "audacity" to snatch the girl's cell phone out of her hand. In the middle of a fifth grade classroom. Excuse me? The girl smacked the teacher and tried to pull her phone back, teacher called security. If I even got a warning in school, I was grounded. I was wrong. End of story. In this case, Girl wasn't being a bully, just plain stupid. But then she bullied the teacher and got aweay with it.

I think that is part of why administration doesn't do much of anything except ... punish the victims. Seems to me that many times, they don't see what happens until the victim retaliates. And so is the rest of the world sometimes. They see the woman screaming curse words and some guy and hitting him, but they don't hear what he said to her.

And some bullying is really subtle - that is the worst kind. It is manipulative and just enough to hurt/scare a person but not enough to really pinpoint WHAT the bully is doing wrong. And then more join in. But the teacher/boss/judge doesn't see and the victim is now the "whiner" and not taken seriously (thanks in part to people like my former co worker). Actually, I'm beginning to think that most bullying/abuse is really subtle. It's the controlling, scaring, and manipulating of people who really aren't sure when it starts and what it is to make it happen (or make it stop). And maybe, the bullies don't know they're doing it. Or worse yet, they aredoing it to make sure THEY don't get bullied themselves because for all their lives that is what they were taught to do - it's a defense thing. A pre-emptive self-defense thing, I guess.

But ug I went on too long and lost my point. But I share your hatred for bullying/abuse and there is no excuse for it.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

I knew you'd have some interesting thoughts to share. Thanks for not disappointing.