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Writer's Block: Online relationship shopping
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Many of you will recall that I met H on the Internets in June of 1999. I had been using various dating site, and before that, I even met a few people through the MetroTimes in like 1993-1995. This was difficult for me. Typically I'd have a few great conversations with someone, then agree to meet them. They'd see that I was fat, and I'd never hear back. Several people were outright rude about it. One guy named Terry, I actually dated a few times. Things were going reasonably well until I had a crazy manic upswing that ended up lasting almost 6 months. By the time it was over, he had met another woman and gotten married. Too bad too, he was my first nerd boyfriend and a nice guy. Sadly, I was the mythological psycho-ex. Then I got over it.
After the drunken dairy farmer and I broke up in 1997, I swore off dating for about 9 months or so. Then, I got back on the Internets. I wanted to figure out a way to let men know I was fat in a time when only wealthy people had digital cameras. I was still using a freakin' Polaroid in 1998. Still, I had a few ads in a few different places, and met a few interesting people but nothing stuck. Then, to my great joy, I found a site called Generous.net. It was for fat people, and people who admired fat people. That's when I learned about BBW's and that there were lots of people who didn't think it was a crime against god and nature to be overweight. Divorced men in particular were more focused on personality, presumably having married for looks and ending up with an evil bitch.
H and I traded Emails for several weeks. He was neat, funny and smart. I can recall hearing from him and then checking to see if he was from the fat girl site or some other site. I was delighted to learn that he was from the fat girl site. Yay! Then we met and 8 short years later, we got married.
Overall, I don't think the Internet has a profound effect on how superficial people are. Some people still demand a photo upfront, and choose people to contact by a photo first and formost. Others really want to meet people they're compatible with almost regardless of looks. Everybody seems to say in re: dating that they "aren't asking so much," not realizing that compatibility is really tricky and that their laundry list of required traits may not match any one person anywhere on the planet. Superficial people will remain so until they learn the hard life-lesson that looks are trivial and mostly based on luck. Then again, not everyone is looking for a mutually gratifying partnership based on love. Some people just want a trophy to dangle on their arm, and they're perfectly happy to trade up to a new one every couple of years.
In other news, I'm having a very difficult time getting motivated to do all the stuff I need to. Should have sent out press packets this morning, but didn't. Sent out a couple of businessy Emails yesterday but haven't heard back from anyone yet. Feeling that kind of stress where I feel paralyzed to pull myself out of it and just get some shit done. Got an Email yesterday from a guy I promised to write a review for just as soon as I was done with the Vampire Ball. Oops. So now I have to do that by the end of the week. At least that book will not be terrible, like some of the tripe I've agreed to review.
Oh, and I need to get some professional reviews of my own book lined up. I'm really behind of everything and that still isn't enough pressure to get me to focus. Frown.
In better news, I got some more Peanut butter and jelly ice cream at the store yesterday. Mmmmmm.
Many of you will recall that I met H on the Internets in June of 1999. I had been using various dating site, and before that, I even met a few people through the MetroTimes in like 1993-1995. This was difficult for me. Typically I'd have a few great conversations with someone, then agree to meet them. They'd see that I was fat, and I'd never hear back. Several people were outright rude about it. One guy named Terry, I actually dated a few times. Things were going reasonably well until I had a crazy manic upswing that ended up lasting almost 6 months. By the time it was over, he had met another woman and gotten married. Too bad too, he was my first nerd boyfriend and a nice guy. Sadly, I was the mythological psycho-ex. Then I got over it.
After the drunken dairy farmer and I broke up in 1997, I swore off dating for about 9 months or so. Then, I got back on the Internets. I wanted to figure out a way to let men know I was fat in a time when only wealthy people had digital cameras. I was still using a freakin' Polaroid in 1998. Still, I had a few ads in a few different places, and met a few interesting people but nothing stuck. Then, to my great joy, I found a site called Generous.net. It was for fat people, and people who admired fat people. That's when I learned about BBW's and that there were lots of people who didn't think it was a crime against god and nature to be overweight. Divorced men in particular were more focused on personality, presumably having married for looks and ending up with an evil bitch.
H and I traded Emails for several weeks. He was neat, funny and smart. I can recall hearing from him and then checking to see if he was from the fat girl site or some other site. I was delighted to learn that he was from the fat girl site. Yay! Then we met and 8 short years later, we got married.
Overall, I don't think the Internet has a profound effect on how superficial people are. Some people still demand a photo upfront, and choose people to contact by a photo first and formost. Others really want to meet people they're compatible with almost regardless of looks. Everybody seems to say in re: dating that they "aren't asking so much," not realizing that compatibility is really tricky and that their laundry list of required traits may not match any one person anywhere on the planet. Superficial people will remain so until they learn the hard life-lesson that looks are trivial and mostly based on luck. Then again, not everyone is looking for a mutually gratifying partnership based on love. Some people just want a trophy to dangle on their arm, and they're perfectly happy to trade up to a new one every couple of years.
In other news, I'm having a very difficult time getting motivated to do all the stuff I need to. Should have sent out press packets this morning, but didn't. Sent out a couple of businessy Emails yesterday but haven't heard back from anyone yet. Feeling that kind of stress where I feel paralyzed to pull myself out of it and just get some shit done. Got an Email yesterday from a guy I promised to write a review for just as soon as I was done with the Vampire Ball. Oops. So now I have to do that by the end of the week. At least that book will not be terrible, like some of the tripe I've agreed to review.
Oh, and I need to get some professional reviews of my own book lined up. I'm really behind of everything and that still isn't enough pressure to get me to focus. Frown.
In better news, I got some more Peanut butter and jelly ice cream at the store yesterday. Mmmmmm.
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I met Tonya on the internet, but neither of us was looking for a relationship at the time (and she was married) but we started as friends so it worked out slightly differently. I think its just as good a place as any to meet people. H is a good guy and I'm happy you have him in your life, as well as being equally glad that *I* have a chance to know him as well. If we have the internet to thank for that, then I say more power to it. :)
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In some ways, the Internets let us put our best foot forward, since most people find my sparkling wit more impressive than my bountiful bosom (YMMV, of course). It also lessens the chances that I'd get involved with another super hot guy who's dumb as a brick. In the past, I've been just as guilty of that as any frat boy, I'm afraid.
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Now THAT'S a thumbnail description!
Everybody seems to say in re: dating that they "aren't asking so much," not realizing that compatibility is really tricky and that their laundry list of required traits may not match any one person anywhere on the planet.
Indeed. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had infinite confidence in what kind of person was right for me. I think in the process I missed a lot of opportunities.
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Last I heard, she was dating some buinessman who wouldn't give her his home phone number or last name. Duh, obviously married. Sad, really.
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