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Disagreement, or Fight?
I've been reading a lot of Ann Landers/Dear Abby lately. Actually, it's called Annie's Mailbox since the REAL Ann Landers shuffled off this mortal coil.
Anyway, there was a letter from a woman who was about to get married and wanted to know how to keep from "growing apart" as couples sometimes do.
Annie (or Abby, I forget now) said one of the ways NOT to grow apart is to learn to disagree instead of fighting.
This is of particular interest to me. I'm a scrapper. I am passionate about a great many beleifs, like that Tony Soprano died at the end of the series, for example. Or that Obama is a good guy, or that the moon landing is questionable (okay, that's a running joke), or that racists and homophobes should shut up. I sometimes end up in huge arguments with people because I forget to simply disagree and get locked into a How could you possibly think _______________?!? mode. Like when people say Bush or McCain are okay guys to have in office. They are not, and I can't imagine how anyone might think that they are, anymore than I understand how Tony Soprano could be alive.
But with H, we calmly disagree. It's very unusual for us to even have raised voices, even though we disagree somewhat often. I used to get pissed off at him for not getting upset when I felt the situation called for it. I'm over it now, because I love living with someone who is not a volcano, waiting to erupt in a fit of screaming and ranting. I grew up with that, and am glad to be rid of it.
Of course, there are those situations when calmly disagreeing doesn't quite suit my purpose. I have a friend whose new habit is joining in a conversation just long enough to tell people thier comments don't matter. That pisses me right off, and I want to start arguing. Another peeve of mine is people who can't apologize no matter how wrong they are. I can't stand that shit. I want the person to see the error of their ways (as defined by me, of course). So I argue, till I'm blue in the face. I argue.
What about you's?
What makes you want to fight instead of calmly disagree?
Who enrages you to the point of madness, even though you'd rather stay calm?
Anyway, there was a letter from a woman who was about to get married and wanted to know how to keep from "growing apart" as couples sometimes do.
Annie (or Abby, I forget now) said one of the ways NOT to grow apart is to learn to disagree instead of fighting.
This is of particular interest to me. I'm a scrapper. I am passionate about a great many beleifs, like that Tony Soprano died at the end of the series, for example. Or that Obama is a good guy, or that the moon landing is questionable (okay, that's a running joke), or that racists and homophobes should shut up. I sometimes end up in huge arguments with people because I forget to simply disagree and get locked into a How could you possibly think _______________?!? mode. Like when people say Bush or McCain are okay guys to have in office. They are not, and I can't imagine how anyone might think that they are, anymore than I understand how Tony Soprano could be alive.
But with H, we calmly disagree. It's very unusual for us to even have raised voices, even though we disagree somewhat often. I used to get pissed off at him for not getting upset when I felt the situation called for it. I'm over it now, because I love living with someone who is not a volcano, waiting to erupt in a fit of screaming and ranting. I grew up with that, and am glad to be rid of it.
Of course, there are those situations when calmly disagreeing doesn't quite suit my purpose. I have a friend whose new habit is joining in a conversation just long enough to tell people thier comments don't matter. That pisses me right off, and I want to start arguing. Another peeve of mine is people who can't apologize no matter how wrong they are. I can't stand that shit. I want the person to see the error of their ways (as defined by me, of course). So I argue, till I'm blue in the face. I argue.
What about you's?
What makes you want to fight instead of calmly disagree?
Who enrages you to the point of madness, even though you'd rather stay calm?