Doctors, diets and dreams of fame.

[wednes]

My new psyche doc seems okay. I'll only be seeing her about once a month, so that is a good thing. It's going to cost me $60 a session, which is less good. She seems to think I won't be truly content in life unless/until I forgive my mom. I feel sorry for my mom, but that's about it. I guess I have a ways to go before I reach the forgiveness stage. Part of me doesn't feel like making an effort toward that goal, I just don't think she deserves it. Then again, it's really for me, not her.

Work is having an ice cream social today at 1pm. I don't think I'll go, even though my lunch is at 1:30. I haven't been doing so well keeping to my diabetes diet. Cutting carbs is hard and leaves me feeling hungry all the time. I'm drinking more water than ever, but don't like feeling hungry and sick all the damn time. And these pills are still awful, I imagine I'm as "used to" them as I'm going to get and they still make me feel crampy and sick. Then again, maybe if I would keep to my diet I wouldn't need these damn pills. That is probably their sinister plan all along.

Our commercial is almost done and should air for the first time on June 7th. I'll be posting it here once it is perfected. The opening scream needs to be more shrill and scary. I wish I had more and better reviews for the book, I don't guess people will be impressed by Amazon reviews. Anyway, it's costing me personally, $75 each time I want the commercial to run. So it better generate some sales.
Speaking of reviews, I'm trying to get Fangoria, MetroTimes and Midwest book review to review my book. I'm also waiting to hear from Withersin, who reviews pretty much everyone who asks.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, Ironman was pretty damn good.

Comments

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Do you think that too much of your identity is wrapped up in hating your mom and somehow by resolving that you feel like you'd be giving up who you are?

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Five years or so ago that might have been true. But since I've been through all that therapy I have been able to separate myself from my feelings for my family. I think for a long time I had to tell people about my fucked up family because I felt it excused my myriad shortcomings. But I'm all turned around on that now. Aside from my weight I don't think I have any glaring signs of dysfunction that I feel need to be excused.

[hellamama.livejournal.com]

The forgiveness is for you. She never has to know about it. I hope someday you'll feel like working toward it as a goal.

Meanwhile, have you talked to diabetes doc about how the meds continue to make you feel? You may need an adjustment. Or it might be something strange, like my Dad takes Glucophage, but he can't take the generic (metformin) because it makes him feel weird. I don't think you should still be having such side effects.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

I hope I will too. If I'm really honest with myself, I have to admit that I'm still pretty angry about a lot of things.

I plan to speak to the doc soon, as soon as I can get in to see her. I agree that I shouldn't still be feeling so crappy (so to speak) so I intend to follow up.