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My Glorious Return to Ann Arbor
Hey kids, I'm back!
Miss me?
Did I miss anything?
I was out of town since Thursday to read about serial killers and plan my new novel. Mostly, I read about killers, thought a lot about my new novel, ate food that is bad for me and played with the kiddies. Babies are cute, but that cry they do is horrendous. Plus for all that cuteness there's tiny butts with mammoth size poops, screeching cries that go all through the night, weird smells and lots of spitting, plus you can't tell what they want half the time even if they're trying to talk to you. And the draw to want to figure them out is strong.
As I inch closer to 40, I realize that my window for kid having is drawing to a close. Being around other people's kids makes me think about it more than usual.
H doesn't want any kids, which almost certainly means that I won't have any. And these days, I don't think that's a big deal. Ten years ago, I would have thought my life was over if I didn't have a couple of kids, a house and a hubby and all that crap. The more I think about it, I think that's what the average person does. Like joining the army, it also seems to be what some people do when they aren't sure what else to do with their lives. There's a whole book about it, about how poor women keep having kids because it's the only thing they can do that's actually worth something (or so they seem to think).
EDIT: This is not to denigrate anyone's choice to procreate. Plenty of spectacular people are excellent parents, just like plenty of boring people choose to remain childless.
Oddly enough, I feel fulfilled in my life in many ways. I don't think a baby would make me happier, just more average or dare I say "normal". Thing is, I have no desire to be either of those things; and I'm certainly not going to have a baby just to fit in with contemporary society's idea of what women are supposed to do. And it's not like there's a shortage of kids running around. So for now, I think I'll be happy just playing with other people's babies and not give birth to anything but novels, TV and movie reviews, and maybe some new kind of cake. I like cake, and it is nice and quiet.
Besides, the bird flu will probably kill us all in the end...
Miss me?
Did I miss anything?
I was out of town since Thursday to read about serial killers and plan my new novel. Mostly, I read about killers, thought a lot about my new novel, ate food that is bad for me and played with the kiddies. Babies are cute, but that cry they do is horrendous. Plus for all that cuteness there's tiny butts with mammoth size poops, screeching cries that go all through the night, weird smells and lots of spitting, plus you can't tell what they want half the time even if they're trying to talk to you. And the draw to want to figure them out is strong.
As I inch closer to 40, I realize that my window for kid having is drawing to a close. Being around other people's kids makes me think about it more than usual.
H doesn't want any kids, which almost certainly means that I won't have any. And these days, I don't think that's a big deal. Ten years ago, I would have thought my life was over if I didn't have a couple of kids, a house and a hubby and all that crap. The more I think about it, I think that's what the average person does. Like joining the army, it also seems to be what some people do when they aren't sure what else to do with their lives. There's a whole book about it, about how poor women keep having kids because it's the only thing they can do that's actually worth something (or so they seem to think).
EDIT: This is not to denigrate anyone's choice to procreate. Plenty of spectacular people are excellent parents, just like plenty of boring people choose to remain childless.
Oddly enough, I feel fulfilled in my life in many ways. I don't think a baby would make me happier, just more average or dare I say "normal". Thing is, I have no desire to be either of those things; and I'm certainly not going to have a baby just to fit in with contemporary society's idea of what women are supposed to do. And it's not like there's a shortage of kids running around. So for now, I think I'll be happy just playing with other people's babies and not give birth to anything but novels, TV and movie reviews, and maybe some new kind of cake. I like cake, and it is nice and quiet.
Besides, the bird flu will probably kill us all in the end...
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Hopefully you can reschedule your vacation? I know that sucks when you have to get the time off and stuff...
But yeah, I don't really see the point of bringing yet another child into the world. Some people are really into parenting and good at it--I know plenty of people like that. But I also know of plenty of kids who get treated like crap because of "parents" diving in and procreating before stopping to think of how much work it's gonna be.
Besides, I can think of a zillion things I'd rather spend all that money on...
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Yeah, I hear ya on the money thing!
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Also, I would never try to "fix you up" with anyone, as I would find it unseemly. But do you know
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I really wish H would tell his mother we're not having kids. She's mentioned children a few times like she's assuming we're having some.
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Ooh, H really should. That could get unpleasant, and just isn't fair to you or them to keep them guessing.
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Plus, they could turn out to be the sort who think there's something wrong with you if you don't want kids. Like you are lacking or defective if you don't feel the pull toward maternity. I hate having to justify things like that, that are just too personal to have to convince other people of. Then again, they were pretty cool about finding out I was pagan.
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Yeah, it makes sense for H to do the telling. And their reaction to you being pagan is very encouraging. I hope they'll be cool about it. : )
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Well, I'm only 36, but it seemed like the years between 26 and 30 went by in about 2 weeks. ;-]
And yeah, I'm quite happy with most of what's going on in my life. Of course, this leads to a perpetual "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling sometimes.
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Huh.
I like cake, and it is nice and quiet.
Anyway, the real point of this is to laugh hysterically at this comment. It may be my new motto about the whole thing. Cake before kids like whoa.
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All in all, I think women who choose NOT to have children should become more vocal about our choice. Like many things, it will reduce the stigma, of which there is much.
And now...for some cake.
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As for human kids...I only know from age five and up, and by that point the screeching and shitting is done. I loved being able to be Joe's dad on an every day basis before the divorce. I mioss him each day, but I know that he's actually doing really well, despite living with Dana's mom. His grades are great. He seems very well adjusted. I love him like crazy.
As for babies, only time will tell how I handle that. Cathy says I'll do fine. I just have to figure out how to get them to use a litter box instead of a diaper.
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You say "average" like it's a bad thing...which, okay, I get that sentiment. I'd rather be called "freak" than "boring" any day. *heh* But don't paint all of us who choose to have kids as boring because we've chosen that path. Jane Goodall has a son, I'd hardly call her average. (Okay, so she named him Grub. WTH?) I don't think of child-free people as somehow unfulfilled or boring or delusional or whatever, and I just ask the same in return. Honestly, more people should *be* child-free. ;-)
I do wish more people would really analyze the long term emotional and material aspects of having children, and then realize it's not something to undertake lightly or something you should do on a whim. The same people who won't buy a parrot because they live 50 years think nothing of having a kid or three. Gah.
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What I was getting at was that lots of poor women who have no money and no house, shitty job etc having babies because it feels like an accomplishment. I was at that point say, 10 years ago and thought having a baby was the most important thing I would ever do (of course, I was undiagnosed at that time and had a lot of other issues going on). It was a stance that offered me much in the way of frustration and disappointment.
I still wonder if perhaps I'm missing out on something cool by remaining childless. But I know I don't want to procreate because I feel like people are judging me if I don't. I know people who treat the whole marriage/children thing like it's a race or a contest.
And I'm sure you know that I do not consider you average. Far from it.
Just sayin'
Re: Just sayin'