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Coupla things:
Here's what I'm sick of saying to people this week, but still mean:
1. Take responsibility for your own happiness.
This is one of the hardest things for people to do. I know a lot of unhappy people would would rather wallow in sadness and victimization rather than simply speaking up in their own defense. Then, they blame other people for their inability to assert themselves, even though they are adults. A blaming stance is a very comfortable way to keep from moving forward in life. Just ask my mom...oh, I mean me. Seriously people, if you're waiting around for someone to make your life better, get over it already.
2. Reasonable people can disagree.
Here in the US, people on all sides are pissed about this or that. I often catch myself being disgusted or infuriated by people who disagree with things I feel strongly about. But in the end, the surest sign that you're not a fascist is to simply allow people to respectfully disagree. Honestly, it took me a lot of reframing and therapy and such before I could stop hearing "I don't agree" as "Wednes, you're an idiot". It kept me from being able to have logical or rational debates, because I was quick to feel personally attacked by general disagreements. So I understand where people are coming from, but seriously...get over it already. Or at least admit that it's not the whole rest of the world making you miserable (see above).
3. Know the value of things.
No amount of money, objects, anything is worth your health, your happiness, or your loved ones. Why don't people know that yet? Why haven't people realized that taking care of themselves is the first and most important step to being a good spouse, friend, parent, sibling, or employee even? So many people think they're being somehow virtuous or unselfish by not addressing physical or mental health issues. That is so fucked. And frankly, if you go through life not seeing the value of what you have enough to take care of it, you don't really deserve it.
4. Posting on a controversial topic and removing comments from it doesn't really give you the last word.
It just makes you look like someone who refuses to withstand, or even know about the scrutiny of others. Setting up the equivalant of a Free Speech Zone* on the internet is the action of a fascist. Yep, I've said "fascist" twice now. It's my new word I like. Seriously though, several of you have done this lately, and I don't get it. Can someone explain to me what the point of that is? Saying something like "abortion is murder" or "all muslims are terrorists" and then disallowing comments? How is that anything but an excersize in intentionally infuriating people?
*Free Speech Zone: a recent American construct wherein those who disagree with Bush are removed from camera range until all reporters are gone. This is one of the reasons other countries think all American's support Bush. Amazing how intenetionally misleading political spin can be, no? /sarcasm.
On a less irritating topic, TV was pretty funny today. And H bought us a new DVD recorder. Whoooooo!
1. Take responsibility for your own happiness.
This is one of the hardest things for people to do. I know a lot of unhappy people would would rather wallow in sadness and victimization rather than simply speaking up in their own defense. Then, they blame other people for their inability to assert themselves, even though they are adults. A blaming stance is a very comfortable way to keep from moving forward in life. Just ask my mom...oh, I mean me. Seriously people, if you're waiting around for someone to make your life better, get over it already.
2. Reasonable people can disagree.
Here in the US, people on all sides are pissed about this or that. I often catch myself being disgusted or infuriated by people who disagree with things I feel strongly about. But in the end, the surest sign that you're not a fascist is to simply allow people to respectfully disagree. Honestly, it took me a lot of reframing and therapy and such before I could stop hearing "I don't agree" as "Wednes, you're an idiot". It kept me from being able to have logical or rational debates, because I was quick to feel personally attacked by general disagreements. So I understand where people are coming from, but seriously...get over it already. Or at least admit that it's not the whole rest of the world making you miserable (see above).
3. Know the value of things.
No amount of money, objects, anything is worth your health, your happiness, or your loved ones. Why don't people know that yet? Why haven't people realized that taking care of themselves is the first and most important step to being a good spouse, friend, parent, sibling, or employee even? So many people think they're being somehow virtuous or unselfish by not addressing physical or mental health issues. That is so fucked. And frankly, if you go through life not seeing the value of what you have enough to take care of it, you don't really deserve it.
4. Posting on a controversial topic and removing comments from it doesn't really give you the last word.
It just makes you look like someone who refuses to withstand, or even know about the scrutiny of others. Setting up the equivalant of a Free Speech Zone* on the internet is the action of a fascist. Yep, I've said "fascist" twice now. It's my new word I like. Seriously though, several of you have done this lately, and I don't get it. Can someone explain to me what the point of that is? Saying something like "abortion is murder" or "all muslims are terrorists" and then disallowing comments? How is that anything but an excersize in intentionally infuriating people?
*Free Speech Zone: a recent American construct wherein those who disagree with Bush are removed from camera range until all reporters are gone. This is one of the reasons other countries think all American's support Bush. Amazing how intenetionally misleading political spin can be, no? /sarcasm.
On a less irritating topic, TV was pretty funny today. And H bought us a new DVD recorder. Whoooooo!
comments
I mainly just wanted to vent my point and forget about it. Today is a new day. (shrug) I don't want to argue about yesterday for the next week. I'm too busy for that.
(Just to let you know my reasons.)
no subject
Some response:
I would say if a topic causes that much stress that it could bring on health scares, perhaps don't post about it in an open forum.
A recent incident at the theater comes to mind. We had multiple complaints that a couple were talking too loud during a movie, so we went in to ask that if they had to talk please do so in a whisper. The coworker who did this is a very patient and well composed gentleman. At the end of the movie the wife of the talking team came out raving about how we could have cause severe health problems for her husband who just had open heart surgery (and demanded free passes and threatened to sue). If whispering to a gentleman can cause that many problems, perhaps he should heal more before he goes to the movies - or at least follow the respectful rules of the public places he attends.
(note: the conversation was about the movie - nothing health related.)
Regarding other topics you bring up, I found I became a stronger person after I took responsibility for my own happiness. I also look at it as being prepared for the consequences of your actions in most anything that you do. If people in the class room are having a discussion I tailor the way that I say things in a manner that reflects sensitivity to all perspectives to the topic as opposed to letting my reactive emotions worked up.
Mental health seems to be something that can always be improved upon - the more you challenge it the stronger and more dynamic it becomes.
Re: comments
Around here though, I hear a lot of talk about how the (Nazi) Pope is right to bash Muslims because there are some violent ones, which to me, is like bashing Christians because of Jack Chick, Fred Phelps, or Jimmy Swaggert.
no subject
#2 is indeed, a tricky one. There's one person in particular I know who writes totally controversial things, and if anyone disagrees they delete the post and replace it with some bullshit about how they're too emotionally fragile for "all this conflict." It seems like it would be impossible to be too dumb for the internet...but no.
Re: Some response:
That theatre incident sounds sadly typical. I would have wanted to say that they can absolutely have a refund if they will refund all the people disturbed by their talking. I never get to say what i want to people who talk in movies, because H is with me.
Certainly, mental illness isn't something that you can just address a few times and be done with it. I have a long way to go before I am issue-free (which might make me boring, so I'm in no rush). But I can only hear so much What's wrong with me??? Why aren't I happy??? from people who won't even go in for a check up or evaluation. You'd think if they disagree so strongly, they'd get checked out just to shut me up!
no subject
Wednes Drops Some Wisdom!
Re: Wednes Drops Some Wisdom!
Except the last one, I never disable comments. ;-]
Re: comments
The only reason why they call the Pope a nazi is because he's German. (shrug) That's it. If he really is, or was one, he wouldn't be Pope now.
I'm not Catholic though, and don't care who the Pope is. (shrug)
What the Pope quoted, was completely right though. If you research some of the Islam religion its full of all kinds of horrible things.
If you grow up being taught you'll go to heaven if you kill non believers, well of course you're going to go blow up 20+ people.
no subject
Re: comments
Islamic history does involve violence, as does Christianity. The same Biblical book people use to defend the banning of gay marriage says that you should kill anyone who works on a sunday, and that keeping slaves is fine as long as they're foreign. Obviously, most modern Christians don't do this, but a few crazy ones do.
I think what the pontiff said was technically accurate, but it's foolish to think people wouldn't be offended. Of course, people shouldn't murder because they feel offended; but it seems crazy to say they shouldn't be insulted or offended.
no subject
Re: comments
(frozen comment) no subject
I wish you would have discussed this with me personally instead of using broad passive-aggressive comments on LJ.
Yes, I do delete my comments and LJ (blocked others once), believe that anger is ok... but killing nuns over the pope's statements is wrong, choose not to take psychiatric drugs or believe a diagnosis from someone who knows very, very little about me. Especially the fact that your "pep talks" only make an anxious person feel more guilty about their state (a lesson for Klynn as well).
I will say though, that 90% of the time we are talking we are arguing...and I think it's fucking stupid. Mock me if you will, blah blah... BUT, you play the victim just as much as anyone else.
Think what you will, but I can assert myself enough to say I don't care anymore.
(frozen comment) no subject
I have given you no council that you have not asked for. You probably shouldn't ask for people's opinions if you can't handle hearing them. And I will thank you not to speak unkindly about Kassy in this journal. For the record, I cannot "make" you feel any way at all. (see #1)
While you did inspire some of this post, these things are certainly not limited to you. Had you been reading thoughtfully rather than looking for ways to find offense, you might have noticed that I talk about my own struggles with all of these issues (well, except #4 but you aren't the only person in the world who does that, and it annoys me every time). This post was more about me than anything, so of course one might wonder what occasioned you to bust in and take broad offense?
And obviously you do care, or you wouldn't be here.
Pardon our sincerity and good intentions.
I would agree with Wednes in that you frequently ask for opinions that you can't handle the response to.
I would also agree that had you read thoughfully these issues address struggles for many of us.
Wednes speaks what she sees in a manner more sincerly respectful than I've ever known from anyone else. If she sees a struggle she's dealt with in someone, she only offers what she learned from her experience. Any decent friend should do the same in given circumstances.
Let's also be clear that Wednes does not play the victem. Though for someone who accuses her of making rash judgments your sure jumped to a conclusion with that one.
Apparently it needs to be said that no one here supports the murdering of nuns and that not everyone has to take durgs to strengthen their mental health.
For what it's worth, from someone who has spent an amount of time with you, even disregarding the concept of victimization you can do a hell of a lot more for yourself than I think you will ever care to realize.
Re: Pardon our sincerity and good intentions.
I really appreciate knowing that you think so highly of me.
Re: Pardon our sincerity and good intentions.
You can talk about potential, doing "a hell of a lot more for yourself," etc; but, these statements remain without definition and to me always have (rhetorical, I'm not searching for compliments).
I also want to clarify that I differentiate your "pep talks" and your honest support, which I do not deny has been readily given.
Also, I did not think that this whole post was about me, but there were several comments (which Wednes admits) that were clearly about me and I took offense.
Re: Pardon our sincerity and good intentions.
Re: Pardon our sincerity and good intentions.