wednes | Lies, Violence, and Ass Haberdashery:

I have recently been informed that I am not a good friend, and that I cannot be trusted, and I'm a backstabber. And what's more, I've been accused of these things by someone who is taking the word of a known liar/asshat at full face value--and without so much as a single inquiry as to whether or not the events in question actually took place. In short, someone who was supposedly a freind of mine took the word of a woman we all know is totally full of shit over mine. The liar is one of those people who has told a bunch of lies to a bunch of people and wants them kept apart so they don't compare notes. And after that huge betrayal, they are making it out like I'm the bad guy. I am beside myself with anger, even though I realized that the friendship was a sham from the beginning, it must have been.

Of course, I have some issues with the whole lying vs truth telling concept. As most of you know, I had a violent childhood. And my mother, being an untreated bipolar, was batshit crazy. We got regular beatings whenever she felt stressed or bad, and it didn't matter if we told the truth or lied, it only mattered what she ultimately thought regardless of truth.
I did tell lies as a kid; I was pretty fucked up for awhile there. And of course, my batshit crazy mother was quick to remind everyone that they couldn't beleive anything I ever said (some of my little kid lies were outrageous and unbeleivable) so I was branded a "liar" instead of a troubled kid who really needed treatment for mental illness.
If a kid is already "pretending" that mom isn't crazy or that they got that bruise from "falling down" why was it so awful to pretend something else if it will help you avoid a beating? I'm of the opinion that anything anyone (particularly a child) says to avoid violence being done to them is probably okay. It's the violence that is wrong. In the end, it left me with some big issues about honesty as a concept. Ultimately though, I'm a pretty honest person toward people I care about. And telling me I'm not honest is one of the surest ways to "push my buttons" and piss me off. I do tell "little" lies on occasion, and I am not particularly proud of them. A few days ago I told someone I was out of weed because it was easier than explaining how irritated I was that they are a mooch.

Right now, I'm angry to the point where I actually want to throw down in fisticuffs with this woman who lied about me. That would be stupid for several reasons, not the least of which being that the liar is not the one I'm really angry with. Some people are compulsive liars. I know a guy who lies pretty much constantly, but deep down, I like him and don't think he's a bad guy. Some people are just fucked up like that.
I'm really more angry that someone would beleive something so terrible about me, and would accept the word of someone they KNOW is a liar without even asking me what really happened. As Homer Simpson would say "It takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen." Which isn't so far from the truth. A lie can hurt, but not if no one beleives it. If no one beleives it, it's just more innane background noise on the AM radio of life...but if people accept a lie as truth, it forever alters the perception of the lied-about party.

In better news, thanks to the swell anonymous person who sent my the fly balloons for my info page!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nobody who knows the world Haberdashery can be that bad! +)

LOL

I just love applying it to the concept of Asshat.

I can't imagine anyone believing you to be dishonest. You have always been up front that I am aware of. If I ever need an honest opinion on pretty much anything, I can count on you. Whomever has decided to not be your friend is losing one of the best friends anyone could ever have, so I say, "Fuck them.!" (Well, not literally, because people enjoy actual fucking, but you know what I mean.)

Thanks Dan.

To be honest, I was doubting my own honesty earlier today. I guess because I have a habit of "venting" about people regarding things I find it difficult to say to someone's face. This could be interpreted as dishonest, even though I do say plenty of things to people's faces ;-}

Well, that sucks. Sounds more like the person who thinks you can't be trusted is the not good friend. To hell with her.

I have to agree with

sudrin. Your title for this post is super.

Yeah, it's pretty disappointing. It also leads me to second guess myself, which has more to do with my own baggage than the situation at large.

But she used phrases like "there are some lines that should never be crossed" and I don't even know what the fuck she's talking about. It's very frustrating, especially since now I have to see the liar at Group and I just want to deck her one. I hate that feeling of being so angry I actually want to hit another person, even if I know I'd never do it.

Send her bad vibes. Sometimes wishing smeone ill will can work, then let it go so as not to let it eat your insides.

I try really hard not to send anyone bad vibes.

I'm sure though, that the "letting go" part will come in a few days.

Well, it's understandable--the second guessing. It takes a lot of work to break habits like that, and this chick sure isn't helping any.

I sure know the anger/violence feeling. Fortunately, I never hit another person, but my stuff suffered until I broke that habit. But I still get the feeling of just wanting to haul off sometimes.

Hang in there.

Thanks.

1st paragraph - DAY-um!!! I hope I don't know any o these people in person or else I'd ask what the f**K they were thinking! No friend of mine is allowed to not look at something from the other person's perspective for at least five seconds!

2nd paragaraph - so you lie out of politeness or fear of hurting people's feelings - big whoop! It's not like you're really a man and not telling me ;-) (if that joke was in bad taste, please disregard this portion of my comment)

3rd paragraph - I ask a lot of personal questions because I want to make sure I understand allsides of something. I suck at being subtle so . . . yeah. I just want a person's story. Though I may not belive/respect/agree with everything everyone says . . . I'd at least like to pretend I try to understand where said person is coming from. HO-lee-cri-ZAP.

4th paragraph - yay for anon nice people! Oh - and will you want your book back or is it a gift? I can't tellt he difference btwn a gift and a loan, sadly.

1. Yeah, it sucks. But I'm not going to lose much sleep over it.

2. If I were a man, I'd hit on you twice as often as I do now.

3. I know what you mean, and concur.

4. It is a gift, of course. ;-}

I personally would never peg you as a liar. You seem very honest in fact- that's one thing I really like about you. You don't put on any airs for anyone.

Sometimes I tell lies- not big lies. Sometimes people just can't handle the truth though and you have to be nice and smooth things over. Your weed story is a good example. Sometimes people ask questions that are none of their business and in those times I sometimes lie. Lying sometimes makes life easier but I would say that I'm pretty honest to a fault generally.

I've always known you to be pretty honest (everyone lies to a certain extent, myself included haha.) I remember you use to lie a little more as a kid, but yeah it was a coping mechanism in dealing with the whack job mom you had. And it really wasn't lies you were telling just more fantasy. Getting away from her was the best thing you ever did imho.

Which leads me to my last point... Because you had such a wacky family life you've always taken on your friends to be like family. It's probably why this person saying this about you has stung you so much.

That's very true, my friends are like family. (were you reading when I got back in touch with my biological "dad" Walt? awkward times...) And I'm really protective of who's in and who's out for just that reason.

Ultimately, this person is no big loss. But they were in my therapy Group, so we know a lot of the same people; I just want to avoid some kind of dramatic pain in the ass hoosifudge if I can. Plus yeah, it's disappointing due to my own issues.

Did you know my mom told my aunt she had no idea why I wasn't talking to her, and she assumed it's because I didn't want to pay back my student loans? Can you imagine?

No I wasn't reading back then, but I do remember you mentioning it in later posts.

Um, Yeah, because most people cut off their moms because they don't want to pay back student loans. She was better at hiding her madness when you were little. The older you got (or she got) the less she was able to hide it. OR maybe she just didn't feel the need to hide it anymore, I dunno. It's amazing really that you made it outta that mess.

What might be even more amazing is when I don't need therapy 6 times a month to deal with it.

For all the negative crap that person is throwing at you, feel free to be distracted with the positive vibe, knowing that I often come to you for your honesty (and wit, of course) and that it has helped me on many occassions.

You're stellar!

I really appreciate hearing that.

Having just left this week's therapy session, I can tell you that I'm feeling better and less culpable in regard to all this bullshit.

And I'm sure I'll see you's on Sunday.
I'm looking forward to having an awesome time, H is even coming!!

Lies, Violence, and Ass Haberdashery:

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