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Really? Today, really?
I'm about to complain about something. I'm going to ask this one time, that if this is something you do/have done, that you not bitch me out for having the nerve to complain about it. It's something that bugs the shit out of me, even as I realize it is not usually done with cruel intentions. I really, really need to get it off my chest, and haven't blogged about it because someone is bound to get offended.
Within the last two years, seven people I went to school with (I went to two high schools and one college) and 3 others I was friends with since college have died. Cancer, stroke, accident, suicide...one guy just keeled over and they still don't know why. It's tragic, both for the people involved, and for those of us who are forced to contemplate our own mortality.
When this happens, invariably one or more people will contact me asking me to remind them who the person was. No, I don't mean they called to reminisce about moments we shared, or discuss the legacy they left to the world. No, these people are literally saying Oh, that person you're mourning--who was that again? They've totally slipped my mind. Really?
To me, that's just gross. I've stopped answering those Emails all together. Taking the occasion of someone's death to remind grieving people that Hey, they didn't mean shit to me. I don't even know who they are is incredibly insensitive. Not sure why it's okay to be insensitive to me. Have I somehow given the impression that I'm an extremely strong person? I have no idea how that could have happened.
When Phillip Seymour Hoffman died, people actually made shitty comments about him on my page. Everything from "He wasn't that great" to "I don't think I've seen him in anything" or "I hated him in X" or even "Yeah, but do you care about all the other people who died who weren't famous?" Okay, let me say this as calmly as I can. Fuck. You. When I post how sad I am about Rik Mayall, what's the point of interjecting how you don't know who he is, or that he never made an impression on you, or that nobody should care because we didn't know him personally. Someone actually Emailed me to ask if I needed my meds checked, because I seemed so sad. Um, unless you're my doctor, go fuck yourself with your backhanded concern trolling. It's not necessary for you to Tweet to me that if he heard that I died, he wouldn't know who I was. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?!? Yes, James Gandolfini played a mobster on TV. That doesn't mean if you're sad about his death that you're glorifying the mafia for fuck's sake.
Do people think that's okay just because it's famous people, because we don't know them personally? That implies that we don't get attached to actors, musicians, comedians, or anyone else who creates the kind of work that impacts our lives. Then there's the obligatory "don't be so sensitive," on the rare occasion that I openly take issue with that. Yes, being sad about death is SOOOO inappropriately sensitive, right? That said, I still can't watch Crocodile Hunter without feeling sad, so maybe I'm just a hothouse flower. o.O
Besides, if you're hitting me up on FB or Twitter, or commenting on my blog, or Emailing me--you clearly have access to the Internets. When I was in college, I used to be very complimented when people would ask me random facts they wanted to know. The alternative would have been going to a library or something. Plus, I have a ton of intellectual vanity. Duh. But if you have every answer to every question on earth at your fingertips--why the fuck are you asking me to explain who someone is?
Ultimately, if you don't care about something you see other people caring about--you don't owe anyone an explanation. People are probably not thinking So and so didn't post about Harold Ramis, they must not care about busting ghosts! Whether it's sports or a death or American Idol, There's no need to interject your apathy when people are already hurting (or celebrating--because that happens too, and it's just being a pseudo-intellectual party pooper). Maybe it's not universal to think that kind of behavior is rude, unfeeling, or just completely unnecessary, but I'd be much obliged if everyone would keep it the hell away from me.
On that note, I leave you with one of my favorite bits from The Young Ones. Join us just after Rik accidentally kills Neil and buries him in the garden, where he grows into three Neils.
Okay, one more. Why are the kids crying? Rik is dead, the People's Poet is dead!
But then one sensitive and particularly articulate teenager says How can Rik be dead when we still have his poems?
*sigh* Rest in peace, funnyman. I will never get over not being able to see your performance as Peeves.
Within the last two years, seven people I went to school with (I went to two high schools and one college) and 3 others I was friends with since college have died. Cancer, stroke, accident, suicide...one guy just keeled over and they still don't know why. It's tragic, both for the people involved, and for those of us who are forced to contemplate our own mortality.
When this happens, invariably one or more people will contact me asking me to remind them who the person was. No, I don't mean they called to reminisce about moments we shared, or discuss the legacy they left to the world. No, these people are literally saying Oh, that person you're mourning--who was that again? They've totally slipped my mind. Really?
To me, that's just gross. I've stopped answering those Emails all together. Taking the occasion of someone's death to remind grieving people that Hey, they didn't mean shit to me. I don't even know who they are is incredibly insensitive. Not sure why it's okay to be insensitive to me. Have I somehow given the impression that I'm an extremely strong person? I have no idea how that could have happened.
When Phillip Seymour Hoffman died, people actually made shitty comments about him on my page. Everything from "He wasn't that great" to "I don't think I've seen him in anything" or "I hated him in X" or even "Yeah, but do you care about all the other people who died who weren't famous?" Okay, let me say this as calmly as I can. Fuck. You. When I post how sad I am about Rik Mayall, what's the point of interjecting how you don't know who he is, or that he never made an impression on you, or that nobody should care because we didn't know him personally. Someone actually Emailed me to ask if I needed my meds checked, because I seemed so sad. Um, unless you're my doctor, go fuck yourself with your backhanded concern trolling. It's not necessary for you to Tweet to me that if he heard that I died, he wouldn't know who I was. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?!? Yes, James Gandolfini played a mobster on TV. That doesn't mean if you're sad about his death that you're glorifying the mafia for fuck's sake.
Do people think that's okay just because it's famous people, because we don't know them personally? That implies that we don't get attached to actors, musicians, comedians, or anyone else who creates the kind of work that impacts our lives. Then there's the obligatory "don't be so sensitive," on the rare occasion that I openly take issue with that. Yes, being sad about death is SOOOO inappropriately sensitive, right? That said, I still can't watch Crocodile Hunter without feeling sad, so maybe I'm just a hothouse flower. o.O
Besides, if you're hitting me up on FB or Twitter, or commenting on my blog, or Emailing me--you clearly have access to the Internets. When I was in college, I used to be very complimented when people would ask me random facts they wanted to know. The alternative would have been going to a library or something. Plus, I have a ton of intellectual vanity. Duh. But if you have every answer to every question on earth at your fingertips--why the fuck are you asking me to explain who someone is?
Ultimately, if you don't care about something you see other people caring about--you don't owe anyone an explanation. People are probably not thinking So and so didn't post about Harold Ramis, they must not care about busting ghosts! Whether it's sports or a death or American Idol, There's no need to interject your apathy when people are already hurting (or celebrating--because that happens too, and it's just being a pseudo-intellectual party pooper). Maybe it's not universal to think that kind of behavior is rude, unfeeling, or just completely unnecessary, but I'd be much obliged if everyone would keep it the hell away from me.
On that note, I leave you with one of my favorite bits from The Young Ones. Join us just after Rik accidentally kills Neil and buries him in the garden, where he grows into three Neils.
Okay, one more. Why are the kids crying? Rik is dead, the People's Poet is dead!
But then one sensitive and particularly articulate teenager says How can Rik be dead when we still have his poems?
*sigh* Rest in peace, funnyman. I will never get over not being able to see your performance as Peeves.