Faith: how it works/ My thought for today.
I have been told that my faith is not a "religion" because I don't actually worship anything. IMO, religion is supposed to act as a guideline to help me figure out moral and emotional quandaries. It has little if anything to do with kneeling and pretending I'm not as important as a (to quote ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flemco boogums in the sky. That is why I am, first and foremost, a follower of Crowley, and Thelema's first law:
Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
Not ten rules, not 3-fold this or that, no jumping through sacramental hoops to reach the finish line and make it past the big gates. It's very simple, decide what kind of person you want to be. Then aspire, every day of your life, to be that person. I do my best to follow this rule, and typically it leads to me having a good life, and/or feeling pretty good about the life I have.
Example: I have to work with someone I don't like. They drive me nuts. Not that bright, not especially kind or interesting, personable, or engaging. I had been cold to this person, willfully ignoring them--thinking that I was protecting myself from having to be annoyed. But really, the fact that I don't like someone does NOT relieve me of my responsibility to be a kind person. Bummer, since I'm really good at being bitchy and it's kinda fun. Sure enough, when I stopped being rude to them, I felt better. This is not just because I was taking the so-called high road; but because I don't want to be mean--if for no other reason than I hate it when bitches are mean to me.
Second thought for the day: I am really really good at knowing just what to say in a given situation. Great with words, getting my point across, and leading people to where I want them to be.
Why then, do I have no fucking idea when to keep my fool mouth shut? I have always been terrible about saying too much, being too honest, or just plain blabbing shit that is best kept private. I recognized this about myself over 20 years ago, yet I've made basically no headway.
Yeah...it's a puzzlement.
flemco boogums in the sky. That is why I am, first and foremost, a follower of Crowley, and Thelema's first law:Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
Not ten rules, not 3-fold this or that, no jumping through sacramental hoops to reach the finish line and make it past the big gates. It's very simple, decide what kind of person you want to be. Then aspire, every day of your life, to be that person. I do my best to follow this rule, and typically it leads to me having a good life, and/or feeling pretty good about the life I have.
Example: I have to work with someone I don't like. They drive me nuts. Not that bright, not especially kind or interesting, personable, or engaging. I had been cold to this person, willfully ignoring them--thinking that I was protecting myself from having to be annoyed. But really, the fact that I don't like someone does NOT relieve me of my responsibility to be a kind person. Bummer, since I'm really good at being bitchy and it's kinda fun. Sure enough, when I stopped being rude to them, I felt better. This is not just because I was taking the so-called high road; but because I don't want to be mean--if for no other reason than I hate it when bitches are mean to me.
Second thought for the day: I am really really good at knowing just what to say in a given situation. Great with words, getting my point across, and leading people to where I want them to be.
Why then, do I have no fucking idea when to keep my fool mouth shut? I have always been terrible about saying too much, being too honest, or just plain blabbing shit that is best kept private. I recognized this about myself over 20 years ago, yet I've made basically no headway.
Yeah...it's a puzzlement.
no faith
(Anonymous) 2011-02-18 03:06 am (UTC)(link)But, I do have this tendency to mutter things better not said when I'm really riled up. I get called on it all the time... I can barely hear myself, but no one else has any trouble hearing me and that is my tactless mouth. But I only do this when I am totally fed up with what is going on.
I do try to be a nice person. I worked in retail for a year and I had people that would LOOK for me when they were buying groceries, they would get in my line because they not only liked me, but they knew I wouldn't pile their canned goods on top of their loaf of bread. Then I'd get the customers from hell, people that wanted price matching on things that weren't the same, people that would cuss me out for no other reason than they got a kick out of being mean to someone who had no say. Call the manager over on me. I'm following store rules... but if they yell at the manager, he'll make me do what they want. And sometimes it worked, but I always had a last word after the manager left. Even if no one but the next people in line heard me, lol! I'm NEVER rude to people in retail, I know how it is.
Anyhow. I'm not a religious person at all. Just doesn't suit me. I do like to give gifts, though, so the winter holidays are a favorite. I really get into the spirit of giving.
This past holiday, I even became what I really want to be. I made a gift for that gal at work that I can't stand. I knew she would love it and it would make her holiday. I didn't make gifts for anyone else at work... although I did give everyone a jar of homemade jam. One gift, that didn't take me much time or anything... stuff I had on hand, a crafty little thing. Made her day. Made mine, too, to see someone smile like that.
Oh, and I didn't sign it or anything, leave a card. I just left it on her desk. I was the VERY last person she asked.... she knows we don't like each other. We are not friends, will never be friends. But we aren't enemies any more, either. I still don't say good morning, but sometimes a "morning" gets dragged out of me by other people at work. (hell, we start at 6 am, what the fark is good about that?)
I think part of that letting the tactless mouth go on happens because we put up with so much other stuff, it has to vent somehow. I've never learned to deal with it either. Can't ever stop myself. Never learned when to shut up, and that is really funny coming from a person who can sit there at work and never talk to any co-workers for most of the day. Just tick me off and rile me up, though... and I'll end up saying stuff I wish I hadn't.
Well, I didn't mean this comment to end up being a novel, lol! oh, love the code I get to type in to post it: become sexist. Yeah, good one.
hugs,
Vyx
Re: no faith
I love that you were able to turn around a bad situation with a co-worker. I do tend to get focused on my anger to the point where I sometimes think a person being unlikable is some kind of deliberate attempt on their part to infuriate me. I need to remind myself that it's not always about me--even though some people really are damn annoying.
I have a long, glorious history in retail as well. It used to really bother me when someone would compliment my skills as a cashier, CS rep, or even a retail manager. I wanted to explain to them that I'm really much better than the jobs I do--to make sure they know that I'm a vibrant creative person and not just someone who can ring things up quickly and do simple math. But again, it's not all about me. ;-]