Deleted Chapter

[wednes]

Here is a half-chapter that was written for A Stabbing for Sadie but didn't make it into the finished book. It would have alluded to Sadie knowing a lot more about her first Dad. You will notice that I had not yet included the word "Tiamata" in this version. That came much later as it took me a long time to find just the right word for the Monster.

Forgot My Name
By Wednesday Lee Friday
(Edited from the novel A Stabbing for Sadie)


The Monster and I walked thru the shopping plaza. I was humming the Oscar Meyer bologna song to myself and trying to keep up with Her fast pace. She was pulling my arm right where the bruise was, and it was hurting. There was a drug store, grocery store, Buster Brown shoe store, some kind of arcade, and a Saunders ice cream parlor. My aunt used to take me there for hot fudge sundaes when The Monster was away.
The Monster took me inside the parlor, which smelled of a non-descript sweetness. Smiling children and their sticky faces looked at us as we entered. We sat in a booth near the back and a lady in a dirty shirt came and brought water. The lady left, then came back again, and asked us what we wanted.
“Hot fudge sundae please”, I said quickly. I was starting to feel happy by that time. The Monster had never taken me to the parlor before. Maybe she was starting to like me.
“No,” the Monster said, “We need a few minutes." There was no one else in the store, so the lady went back behind the counter and stood with another lady in a dirtier shirt. She kept smoking cigarettes and talking. The cigarette lady seemed to be looking at us.
“Mom, can I get a Sundae?” Why would we go to the parlor and not get a sundae? From under the table, The Monster pinched my leg with its long, red nails. It made me scream with my mouth closed and cry right at the table. The Monster says its is bad to cry outside, but I couldn’t help it. The cigarette lady smiled at me, and then started doing stuff behind the counter. In a minute, the first lady came over and placed a paper cup in front of me with a small sundae inside.
“No charge,” she said to The Monster, but she looked at Her for too long. The lady put her hand on my shoulder. I was wiping the stuff from the pinch off my leg with the napkin. It was red and wet, and made stripes on the napkin.
“What’s your name sweetheart,” she asked. Why was she being so nice to me? I didn’t want The Monster to hurt the lady; She almost never did that since we moved since we moved.
I told her my name “Sadie Lynn Boleyn” but only looked at the table. My name was nice. It sounded good and it rhymed and kids at the park liked it too. I wiped up more of the red stuff off my leg and threw the napkin on the floor so the lady wouldn’t know I was bad.
“Come on,” The Monster said. “We’re going.” and She dragged me out fast. I hurried to carry my sundae with me. Maybe I could have it in the car. The cigarette lady was watching out the window, and then she stopped. She must have known how bad I was, The Monster must have told her; She told everyone.
The Monster grabbed my arm and twisted it, making my sundae fall to the sidewalk. I watched it melt away into the cracks while The Monster screamed. She didn’t scream outside anymore, since that time the police came to talk to me.
“Stupid little asshole,” She was yelling really loud. “Don’t ever tell anyone that name. Forget you even HEARD that name!”
We got back in the car and I tried to put on my seatbelt but it wouldn’t hook right. Forget? How could I forget my own name? They always said before I had to know it, and that big number in case I got lost or they came to take Daddy away. Now I had to forget it. It seemed impossible. If I still knew it tomorrow, The Monster would be so mad. It’s not my fault; it's not my fault!! I was cold and nervous and scared...
It seemed impossible in my 3-year old mind. I saw my Daddy in the parking lot; I knew he would help me. He was mean to The Monster. He was coming toward the car.
“Mom,” I said. “There’s Daddy. I think he needs a ride.”
The Monster drove away, fast and without talking. I thought I’d better keep on forgetting like she said. What if She left me here too? At least I'd be with Daddy.
I don’t know how much time went by, but the next time someone asked me my name, I didn’t know. The Monster said that was bad, too.

The next time I heard it was when I had to get ready for First Day of School. The Monster said kind of my name, but she didn’t say it right. She said the “Sadie” and the “Lynn”, but the end part was wrong. It was some other name I’d never heard before. No one would know who I was. I didn’t like it. It didn’t rhyme; Daddy said it was special that my name rhymed. He said it was a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. The Monster made me have a different name. It was stupid and when I got to First Day of School, everyone made fun of me. I had to be bad and not beautiful anymore. That wasn’t fair.
The Monster never told me why I had to get a different name. Or who that other man was when he picked me up and spun me around the carpet.
“Who are you?” I said. “I’m not allowed to talk to strangers." They were tricking me to see if I’d talk to him, I bet. Everyone knew not to talk to strangers. EVERYone knew that...
“That’s your NEW daddy,” The Monster said smiling. New daddy? Where did we get him? I don’t want one. Where is my right Daddy? My aunt told me they didn’t take him away, but he still wasn’t here. I don’t want a new daddy...I don’t want one! I don’t want one!
They were all calling me by the wrong name, and telling me to calm down and behave. The Monster made me go in the bedroom so she could pinch me some more with her long, red nails. All monsters have long, red nails. “You’re Daddy is never coming here again.” She told me, and got up and went back to see the other people.
Why did they keep saying my name wrong? Everyone must have known I was bad. I didn’t come out again for a long, long time. And I thought it would be time to go To School again when they made me come out of the bedroom. But The Monster looked at my pinch marks and said I could stay home again. I really wanted to go.
I wanted my old name, and my real Daddy and for The Monster to think I was not bad.

It was years before I said my name out loud again.