In Case of Zombie, call 1-800-H (just make the rest up, I guess)

[wednes]

Hey! It's that Guy I Like!! This is my all-time favorite picture of H. It was taken by one of the Dans (don't know which, I wasn't there) during the shoot of their unfinished film.

In Group we are discussing denial, rationalizations, and projection. In all fairness, I am probably guilty of all of these at some point or another. Maybe most people are; I'm not really sure. I go in and out of denial about how important it is that I not smoke pot versus how helpful I find it and how much I like it. I'm aware that this is not ideal, and that if I were happier and more successful (whatever the hell THAT means) my desire to smoke pot would decrease. Indeed, in the last year my use has diminished greatly, and I now smoke less than half what I used to. While that's good progress, it hasn't brought me the happiness or success I am craving. So I'm noodling that right now.
What do these things even mean? Technically denial means when you continue a behavior despite consequences. Then you get into a whole big thing about what's a drug related consequence and what is simply having a sucky life. This brings us to rationalizations where you think of reasons to make your problem (whatever it may be) sound like it's not that bad. No one ever accuses me of rationalizing, which can only mean that no one I know has the balls to call me out--or maybe what I say makes sense to them. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of this. However, what I am most guilty of is projection in which I see all the things about myself that bother me, in other people. It's a way of acting out all the shit that's wrong with my life by addressing it anyone but myself. In the last two weeks, for example, I have questioned people's parenting skills (I don't have kids), or people's ability to handle parental relationships (I haven't seen mine in 10 years), and have even given people advice about diet and health (ahem). People tend to listen to me because I sound intelligent and articulate...though I secretly suspect they are humoring me. Is it possible that I'm actually a denial ridden sociopath with a raging drug problem? The correct answer is probably somewhere in between basketcase and genius. Closet to genius, I suspect hope.

Today while I was waiting for the bus, a wierd old man started talking to me. He was standing too close and getting all personal "do I have a boyfriend" and such. Upon looking at him, he seemed more wierd than old. Finally he asked me where I was going and I said I was going to teach a workshop on women's self defense. Hahahahahaha HA! He went on his way after that. I'm the master bluffer.

Ryan and Katie brought us back some cool art from their honeymoon. Funny, I never thought they'd actually bring home the bear I asked for. ;-} In an unrelated windfall, we got a whip-ass blender. That is especially good for us since H loves milkshakes. He really, really loves them. And now he shall have them.

Know what else? I'm tired.
I was gonna write tonight, but I think I'll sleep and do it tomorrow instead.

Comments

[ex-jenniepan481.livejournal.com]

that is an awesome picture!

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I can't take credit for anything but the photoshopping and inspiring H's interest in horror. ;-}

[groovesinorbit]

Is it possible that I'm actually a denial ridden sociopath with a raging drug problem?

I doubt it. Sounds to me like your dealing with things in your life and doing the best you can. And accomplishing stuff, too. Go you!

Love the pic!

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

lol... Love the shot.. Though H is so nice most of the time its hard to see him with a shotgun.


The secret to Denial, Rationalization and Projection is.. in my opinion.. the willingness to examine your life and see when you are doing any of them. Its not always easy, but constantly asking yourself if you are playing an elaborate game with your mind helps you avoid doing it.

[robdeicide.livejournal.com]

Ok, where did your boyfriend get that amazing t-shirt that he's wearing???? I need it!!

[sleazeanna.livejournal.com]

That is the coolest picture EVER.

[ex-jenniepan481.livejournal.com]

Im scared of horror, but that picture was more fun than anything!

[nokturnalia.livejournal.com]

I love the photo, especially his expression. :-D

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Heheh, that H is a cute one! Such a fine actor too.

I guess I'm at the point in therapy where I have to decide how much pot is stalling my life and I have to figure it out so I know how to continue. I'm just not sure yet.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

I haven't really had that expereince, I don't think. I mean, can you be in "denial" if you know that you are? It wouldn't seem so. I'm certain I'm guilty of projecting; I came to that realization within just the last year. I'm also fairly sure I rationalize...and I don't want to use "who doesn't" to give myself a free pass.

At least self awareness will keep me from being too much of an oblivious dick about it. ;-}

And yeah, that's why that pic of H is my fave.
Who would ever suspect he's a bloodthirsty killer? ;-}

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Ah, the "Movies for the Whole Family" Manson shirt is from a local video store in Ann Arbor: Liberty Video. (It's not patriotic, it's on Liberty Street downtown).

Linky:
http://www.ecurrent.com/ag/2003/best/liberty03.php

I bet if you ask them nice, they'll let you buy one. ;-}

[sudrin.livejournal.com]

Well, I know I've spent at least 10 years of my life in denial about a fact that only recently came really clear to me. Of course I SUSPECTED I was in denial about this fact and I was able to avoid some foolish decisions regarding it, but there were still certain facts that I guess I prevented myself from seeing.. The point was just that if you at least attempt to lead a self examined life, it works out a little better than just going around figuring you are perfect in every way and that everyone ELSE has the problem. =)

[wednes.livejournal.com]

I concur.

;-}

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Funnily enough, he doesn't think he's a good actor. I think he's just shy.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Ah yes...the "My Mom" theory of life.

You've totally piqued my curiosity now though...because I already know you're not gay or an addict (although I don't know if WoW counts) so I can't imagine what's left?

[groovesinorbit]

Yes, he is. : )

It's a tough call. It seems like you're being pretty smart about all this, though. And the answer may come to you when you least expect it.

OT, but your little running men and really mesmerizing. I kept getting distracted while I was typing this comment. : )

[wednes.livejournal.com]

I'm really pleased with that aspect of the new layout.

Wild!

[alex-a-polukhin.livejournal.com]

Re: Wild!

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Yikes.

Of course that gun is fake. But my boyfriend is real.

[alex-a-polukhin.livejournal.com]

I don't cavilling at any subject!
That'a all right!
Take this "PPSh" submachine-gun, may it serve you well!

[alex-a-polukhin.livejournal.com]

I'm finishing today's communication session;
see you tomorrow!!!
Best wishes!
VTY.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

Okay, thanks!

:-]