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A permanent smile so he can laugh at his fool of a father...
I was fully prepared to post my review of Victor Hugo's The Man Who Laughs. But sadly, my DVD player would not play the whole thing. It's an odd thing about this player, because it records wonderfully, and plays well...considerably less wonderfully unless it's a disc it recorded.
Anywhoo, this film was made because of the success of Phantom of the Opera and Freaks, and indeed stars the actresses from these films. The opening segment was incredibly moving and upsetting, and this film had my in tears within the first 12 minutes. Like all those damn German films of the 1920's, this one had haunting cinematography, and some of that wonderful overacting you get in the pre-talkies. I'm going to finish it later, because I'm dying to know what happens. I just need H to get the hell off his computer so I can use it. For some reason, these discs I borrowed (including Doctor Mabuse and Metropolis) will not play on my computer. Frown.
Here's a little something I read over at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
bigfatblog by the amazing and articulate Pattie Thomas. I won't post it all here, but this particular segment was too powerful and simple not to share with the all of you:
...the way to fight stigma is to confront those who practice bigotry, not by justifying or mitigating any characteristics of anyone who is being stigmatized.
Instead of saying "we are not lazy" -- we need to say "stop putting people in groups and declaring that some people are lazy by the way they look."
Instead of saying "we are healthy" -- we need to say "stop deciding who is healthy and who is not healthy by setting up arbitrary criteria and then declaring that some people are unhealthy by the way they look."
Instead of saying "we are beautiful" -- we need to say "stop creating such narrow standards of beauty that most people feel ugly."
Instead of saying "we are good" -- we need to say "stop deciding the morality of others on the basis of how they look."
We have nothing to justify. It is bigotry that must change and trying to prove ourselves to that bigotry is a lost cause. We are human beings. All we are asking is that other human beings understand that to decide on the basis of appearances that somone else is less than human is wrong-headed and destructive.
I was over at Something Awful yesterday and saw that they were making fun of fat people yet again. Now I realize that this site makes fun of lots of different kinds of idiots, jerk-asses, religious nuts, non-religious nuts, etc. So I don't particularly care for being lumped in with those types. But this time they were making fun of BBW dances. Right, because how funny is it that fat people would dance or socialize? And the double standard present in the whole "Why don't you get off your ass and excersize" coupled with "quit dancing around, you look ridiculous" is always good for a bitter laugh.
But you know what? If they were funny jokes about fat people--I wouldn't say much. But they aren't. The whole joke is threefold: 1) Look at that fat person...they are FAT!. 2)That fat person is such a *insert animals such as hippo, pig, whale etc* 3) Fat people eat a lot, hahahaha eat a lot, oh that's funny!!! Plus, I bet they dont' excersize. Hahahaha Ho Ho Ho...oh, *wipes away tear*
Seriously, someone explain to me why that is funny. Because I'm a really funny person, and I'm fat. But I'm not funny because I'm fat. I'm funny because I have a rapier wit and a keen sense of observation.
and this Dad and his kid were standing next to me. The kid was about four or so and said "Hey Dad, that lady is BIG!" Since I was the only other person in the aisle, I turned and smiled at the kid. I said "That's because everyone is different, my friend." And the Dad started aplogizing. I told him is was okay, that I am a big lady and that it's not good to tell the boy that being big is something bad. I daresay it was the first time I'd ever had this conversation and had it progress to that point. Kids have commented on my wieght before in the past, and it has embarrassed me on occasion. Normally when the parent apologizes, I say "it's okay" and leave it at that. But the kid was not mean spirited, he was simply making an observation. The parent, OTOH, seemed to think I might freak out and cry at any second.
Obviously, kids should be taught that it's not nice to comment loudly on the appearance of some stranger in a store. But how do you tell a four year old that in a way that doesn't make it sound like being fat is bad? If the kid had said "that lady is pretty" there would have been no apology, even though he had still commented loudly about the appearance of a stranger.
So if you're a parent, how do you handle such things?
Anywhoo, this film was made because of the success of Phantom of the Opera and Freaks, and indeed stars the actresses from these films. The opening segment was incredibly moving and upsetting, and this film had my in tears within the first 12 minutes. Like all those damn German films of the 1920's, this one had haunting cinematography, and some of that wonderful overacting you get in the pre-talkies. I'm going to finish it later, because I'm dying to know what happens. I just need H to get the hell off his computer so I can use it. For some reason, these discs I borrowed (including Doctor Mabuse and Metropolis) will not play on my computer. Frown.
Here's a little something I read over at
bigfatblog by the amazing and articulate Pattie Thomas. I won't post it all here, but this particular segment was too powerful and simple not to share with the all of you:...the way to fight stigma is to confront those who practice bigotry, not by justifying or mitigating any characteristics of anyone who is being stigmatized.
Instead of saying "we are not lazy" -- we need to say "stop putting people in groups and declaring that some people are lazy by the way they look."
Instead of saying "we are healthy" -- we need to say "stop deciding who is healthy and who is not healthy by setting up arbitrary criteria and then declaring that some people are unhealthy by the way they look."
Instead of saying "we are beautiful" -- we need to say "stop creating such narrow standards of beauty that most people feel ugly."
Instead of saying "we are good" -- we need to say "stop deciding the morality of others on the basis of how they look."
We have nothing to justify. It is bigotry that must change and trying to prove ourselves to that bigotry is a lost cause. We are human beings. All we are asking is that other human beings understand that to decide on the basis of appearances that somone else is less than human is wrong-headed and destructive.
I was over at Something Awful yesterday and saw that they were making fun of fat people yet again. Now I realize that this site makes fun of lots of different kinds of idiots, jerk-asses, religious nuts, non-religious nuts, etc. So I don't particularly care for being lumped in with those types. But this time they were making fun of BBW dances. Right, because how funny is it that fat people would dance or socialize? And the double standard present in the whole "Why don't you get off your ass and excersize" coupled with "quit dancing around, you look ridiculous" is always good for a bitter laugh.
But you know what? If they were funny jokes about fat people--I wouldn't say much. But they aren't. The whole joke is threefold: 1) Look at that fat person...they are FAT!. 2)That fat person is such a *insert animals such as hippo, pig, whale etc* 3) Fat people eat a lot, hahahaha eat a lot, oh that's funny!!! Plus, I bet they dont' excersize. Hahahaha Ho Ho Ho...oh, *wipes away tear*
Seriously, someone explain to me why that is funny. Because I'm a really funny person, and I'm fat. But I'm not funny because I'm fat. I'm funny because I have a rapier wit and a keen sense of observation.
and this Dad and his kid were standing next to me. The kid was about four or so and said "Hey Dad, that lady is BIG!" Since I was the only other person in the aisle, I turned and smiled at the kid. I said "That's because everyone is different, my friend." And the Dad started aplogizing. I told him is was okay, that I am a big lady and that it's not good to tell the boy that being big is something bad. I daresay it was the first time I'd ever had this conversation and had it progress to that point. Kids have commented on my wieght before in the past, and it has embarrassed me on occasion. Normally when the parent apologizes, I say "it's okay" and leave it at that. But the kid was not mean spirited, he was simply making an observation. The parent, OTOH, seemed to think I might freak out and cry at any second.
Obviously, kids should be taught that it's not nice to comment loudly on the appearance of some stranger in a store. But how do you tell a four year old that in a way that doesn't make it sound like being fat is bad? If the kid had said "that lady is pretty" there would have been no apology, even though he had still commented loudly about the appearance of a stranger.
So if you're a parent, how do you handle such things?
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Congrats on the B+, by the way!
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It's just like I posted in my journal about friends, fat, and dating.
98% of the people I meet make me feel like I shouldn't exist or that I'm worthless, 1% make me trust and love them and then remove their mask, the last 1% know my pain to some degree.
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However, she'll probably comment on someone's height, or wheelchair, or scars, or birthmark or something. I'm hoping to teach her very young that everyone is different, and wow, isn't that cool? And that it's okay to ask me about strangers, but it's not polite to stare or comment loudly. When she asks why, the answer is basically, "Because it might be very sad for them. You think it's okay, but a lot of people are mean, and say things to hurt other people." And modeling good behavior by not commenting about strangers in front of her...cuz I KNOW a lot of people do that. I do. But I generally comment on clothing choices..."Dude, if your pants get any lower, we're actually going to see thigh." ;-)
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One of my challenges as a fat mom comes in the attitudes that one's child picks up outside of the home. My own son has attempted to compliment me by telling me "Mommy, you're not fat." I tell him that yes, I am, and then we usually have a talk about how people come in many different sizes, shapes, and colors, and that no one of these states is any better than another. But it's a neverending battle.
I think that your response to the boy and dad was just about perfect, BTW!
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"Mommy that lady is big" becasue the child does't know any better and is just commenting on it
and
"Your FAT!"
One is curiosity or general interst at something that is different to them (the same goes for "black" "old" ect...). The other is, generally speaking, the child mimicking the attitudes of the partents or other kids they have been around.
I've been told by my daughter that I am fat, and she did when she was younger made some comments that were embarassing (about older people and onece about the first black person she ever saw...which was that black lady is pretty, can I be black?). We have always told both of our kids that you may feel someone is fat, old or differetn in some way, but you should comment quietly or not say anything because the person who is fat or old or whatever already KNOWS that about themselves and you might hurt their feelings.
I think I tend to over explain things...but since we started doing it this way, neither has made a "rude" comment about fat or old or whatever...and Girl actually corrected another kid in line at the store several months ago...telling the kid who announced to her that her "Your mommy is fat." Girl said "Yes, she is and you are very rude."
Just my 2 cents on how we delt with it.
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I have to say, It feels good to finally have people to talk to who understand me.
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It sounds like you've got the right idea re: Evie. If only more people would take the time to consider how ALL their actions impact the child. I hate when people say "Oh they're only *insert age here* they don't understand" as if they don't take in information before they can talk. I have no plans for motherhood; though I have some rather strong ideas on how it should be done. ;-)
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Certainly the "you're fat" comment is recieved differently depending on how old the child is, and where you are at the time. I may have been more uncomfortable if 40 people heard it, as opposed to just me, the kid and the dad.
Luckily in my case, the word used was "big" which has a different connotation. That may even be a cultural difference, as the father and son were african american. Sometimes they will use different terminology, like a chubby woman might be called "healthy" like a healthy serving of dessert. This is a cool difference because of the drastic connotative difference where healthy-good AND healthy=chubby.
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Honestly Todd, you are something of an enigma to me. But on this issue it seems reasonable that we would share some common ground. And luckily, we're both self aware and articulate enough to be able to discuss it honestly and intelligently instead of a lot of "oh, poor me...I wish I wasn't so fat" bullshit.
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Plus, I forgot to call you.I have not called you yet.
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OMG thanks. I'm going to buy it this minute.
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lol - just don't forget if you're not going to remember later!
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