wednes: (Default)
Sam Waterston tried to warn us, but it appears that the fine folks at Honda are just not listening. We'll see how they feel when all of their medication has been eaten for robot fuel.

In other kinds of terrifying news, we all know about the danger we are in due to supposed "terrorists." Many of us feel that this is just another way to make people hate/fear/keep an eye on our brown-skinned friends and neighbors. It's been an excuse for racial profiling, and for curtailing all of our rights. But now...The Man is trying to foil my favorite restaurant. Right, because anyone who sends money to their home country is obviously a terrorist. Nobody who makes such good lemonade, falafel, or shish kafta can possibly be a terrorist. I mean come ON, they have classic caesar salad...you can hardly get that anyplace anymore.

You know how we all thought Pentelope was a cat?
Not according to Xanga, she's not!

After skipping Group last night due to drama, I had a total mindfucker of a therapy session today. My therapist thinks that what's really bothering me about this whole "dishonesty" business has to do with what she called "The Great Lie." This is referring to my mom totally denying who my biological father is, even to the point of paying to falsify a birth certificate and hanging it on my wall so I could look at it everyday. I got "in trouble" for ever telling anyone the truth. All the while though, my mom was hysterical and fanatical about lying. Of course I would have issues with the whole lies v truth business, since so much of that is unresoved.
As such, I'm going to get off my ass and go back to EMDR even though I haven't gone in months. I just hate having so many damn therapy appointments since it makes me feel much more dysfuntional than I want to. I'm also supposed to call my Fetching Employment Counselor to talk again about how I might be able to go to grad school.

I keep forgetting, what time is that wedding this Sunday? Six?
I don't wanna be late, and miss the opening remarks; I'm sure they'll be funny.
wednes: (Default)
list of 50 fave songs by various bands/artists...what fun! )

I watched the HBO movie Citizen X which is one of HBO's best films IMHO. Still awesome.

Saw the crazy-head doc today. We're not putting me on meds because I don't really think I need them. There's probably some irony in that statement, but I don't feel like looking for it. The doc is a cool guy, and like many docs, has taken a shine to me. He thinks it's funny that I call him "dude". Plus he's another of those really hot, dapper fellows I love so well. I'm seeing the other dapper hunky guy I know on Monday at the job counseling place. Employment: you shall be mine. Oh yes, you will be mine!

Last night I sent out a query to a publisher via Email, but then realized that my synposis had a zillion typos (okay, more like 4--but that's almost one per page) and my query letter is junk. Or maybe I'm just moody...no it's junk. But after some revising, it is better. Anyway, I'm moving ever forward on that whole project. I'm holding off on looking for an agent until I get a firm publishing offer. I wish I had an editor though, my eye for fine detail is crap.

I got an Email from Walt today, but he didn't have much to say as usual. I'm beginning to wonder if trying to maintain a correspondance with him is just a waste of my time. Although, I guess reaching out is never a waste of time, and it's his loss if he doesn't really want to know me. Maybe he's just holding back, waiting to see if I become successful or not.
Oh, and if you don't know who the hell "Walt" is, please see this friends only entry from last August.
wednes: (Default)
I found out that I may have some kind of PTSD. I find this odd because I had honestly never considered putting that label on it, even though I still flinch when people try to touch me unexpectedly. I always tell H to "quit lunging at me" when he's really just leaning in for a smooch. It also explians the nightmares and my aversion to quiet rooms and open spaces. So that is pretty interesting.

I've decided that I am indeed going to try going back on meds. This means that as of Feb 9th, I will have to quit smoking weed for at least 2 weeks. This should not be too difficult, after all, I can't shut up about how much I'm not an addict and don't think weed is a problem. Anyway, I just want to feel better, and if I can feel lousy for a few days, then better, I think I'll go with that. That said, they are talking about giving me something so I can sleep better. I didn't know there were non-addictive things to help people sleep. Like I keep saying, I don't want to swap addictions. But we'll see what happens when I see the doc on 02/10.

You know, I never heard from Walt to see if he got his holiday package from us. And for whatever reason, I'm not as broken up about it as one might expect.

I have been thinking a lot about my family, after having to talk about them all afternoon.
I wish I had the money to go ahead with my legal name change.
Of course, if I really can give up smoking pot, I would be able to afford it in virtually no time...probably within 6 months.

All this talk about me and my family is making the idea of working on my novella supremely distasteful. I need to break thru that because I really want it to get picked up. I'll be awfully bummed if this novella goes the way of my zombie story--which is still sitting in a folder on my desk despite the recent zombie film rennaisance. Pretty soon I'll be starting work on my "romance novel" (read: libro d'fuck) for which I have some very clever ideas for. At least, I think they're clever. I don't read those books, so they could be totally trite and overdone. Like thinking you've written some kind of modern classic horror film and it turns out to only be Gothika.

I also found out today that T. Thorn Coyle has a livejournal. That is pretty sweet.

Oh, is anyone doing the rabbit hole thing today? How's that going?
wednes: (Default)
At this evenings gathering, I was talking to my buddy Kwame about the goings on with Walt, as he is not a livejournal person and, as such, had no idea that I'd been talking to my biological father after 30 some odd years. I found this particularly interesting. Kwame is a cool guy, and even though he's young, he's a good person to talk things over with. He has a unique perspective on life, probably due to his fine upbringing (he was showered with love by his mother... showered with it, I tell you!). Anyway, it made me think about how much I rely on LJ to communicate how I'm feeling, AND how much less stressful life becomes when you always have a sounding board at your disposal. Unlike a "normal" journal (which I have not kept in years) this one allows me to get input and feedback from friends and virtual friends alike. With this in mind, I can totally see how some people become internet addicts. I sit here online typing and typing, while people I see in everyday life aren't aware of significant developments in a timely way.

I used to keep a written journal in high school--and junior high too, come to think of it. Since my life was really shitty at that time, and full of angsty feelings about the day-to-day life living with a crazy woman, my journals were pretty weepy and intense. Instead of working thru the pain of living with mean, spiteful people I attached my feelings to insignificant boys from school, sadly lamenting them not being able to fullfill some ridiculous childhood idea of what it must be like to feel loved by someone. So my young girl journals were inevitably filled with sad poems about why this boy or that boy didn't love me, and lengthy prose about how sorry everyone would feel if I killed myself. I didn't really want to "snuff it" as they say, but as I was telling [profile] spiralwitch earlier, I think I did this to pretend (or maybe to assert) that I did have some control over what went on in my life. In a way, affirming my own choice to not die was empowering. Of course, my parents found and read my journals, as did some boys in high school (talk about a panicky couple of weeks) and everyone decided that I was "just trying to get attention" whatever that meant. Those journal are, of course, long gone.

The other interesting thing about LJ is that you can let people in, or keep them out. Even though most of my life is pretty open-door, I do tend to lock entries that are extrememly personal in nature. But I like to meet new people and be exposed to alternate veiwpoints, so I like to unguard as much as possible. Anyway, this entry is an excersize in being more brave...as brave as one can be hiding behind a monitor.

But back to my anecdote: Kwame suggested, as many people have, that I have freinds who are much like family. And of course, I do. I feel very fortunate and pleased to have so many honest, loyal, pleasant freinds in life, and on LJ. The support I get from you guys is staggering at times. And sometimes, when I least expect it, someone like [profile] smarbaby comes along, and reminds me how much a single thought from a single person can really brighten one's day:

enjoy this story of wednesday the witch,
in livejournal, she's found quite the niche.

popular and silly, with a love for things nerdy,
i read all her posts, even ones that are wordy.

and OH! the men fawn over her womanly wiles!
even ken jennings is sending her smiles.

And so, I say to my detractors (if any), "Put THAT in your pipes and smokes it!!!"
I'm a muse to a great artist, SUCKAH!!!
wednes: (Default)
Something I read over at [livejournal.com profile] pagan has led me to thinking about Hate Crimes and the legislation thereof.

Personally, I think killing or assaulting people is wrong regardless of why you did it. Is it more outrageous, frsutrating and sad to hear that these things are done out of prejudice? of course. Does that make them worse than crimes of passion, of greed, or for hire? Not really.

While we all feel frustrated that Hate Crimes exist, I think it is not a good idea to keep them separate from other crimes. Besides, arent' most assaults and killings the product of hate?

We can't make people not hate thru the passing of laws.
if we could, they'd have done it already.




In other news, things with "dad" are okay. He told me some pretty awful things about my mom that I had already kind of suspected. But we seem to be done with that topic for now. It would be cool to get to know him without spending time talking about what a bitch my mother is. It seems he and I both already know, and it's just a drag to discuss it.

They are still power washing our building and the surrounding ones. It is loud as heck!

And finally: the best news horror fans have gotten all week!
wednes: (Default)
I spent my Monday spending time with H, applying for new and better jobs, and watching Superman movies. I like Superman, he is dreamy! I made Kung Pow shrimp for dinner, and it was tasty even though there was not very much of it. I've finally convinced H as to the importnace of good bread, so he is buying it...but he is also bogarting it. Oh well.

I got another Email from my "Dad". That was cool, since I hadn't even wrote him back yet. It seems that i have a brother in NY and a sister in DC. While I am curious to know about them, I think that can wait for a while...a long while in fact. So far this is all going pretty well, but I don't want to get too involved too soon.

Other than that, I'm doing very little and just letting the information process, I'm still pretty wigged out. Plus it seems taht there is a lot of upheaval and changes happening to lots of people I know. People having major successes, failures and scares all around...big changes are in the air it seems. Maybe one of them will involve me getting back to work soon.

And of course, Vince Vaughn is coming to get me:


Who Would Slaughter You in a Horror Movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

These are GOOD, here's some more! )

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