wednes: (TV!!!)
I'm admitting for the record that I like The Nerdist.
We're gonna blame/credit @midnight for that.
I've spent quite some time not understanding why this Hardwick cat had any cred at all, why he was suddenly everywhere, why I should listen to his various nerdy musings. Slowly, I started to find him ever less annoying. He's friends with a lot of people who are cool and not assholes. It's not like he hangs out with Kevin Nealon or Dennis Miller--but if he did, he'd probably be super polite to them. I didn't even realize Hardwick was Jerry in House of 1,000 Corpses until like--last year. Yeah, even though I saw it in the theatre and own it on DVD and digital and own a copy of the shooting script. Yeah, even though I've seen it a zillion goddamn times, and even though he looks and acts like a puffy drunken version of his TV self. I seriously had no idea. But I did know that Fishboy is in the American Office.

So I'm watching @midnight.

You know that scene in Beverly Hills Cop, where Rosewood decides to go against what Bogomil and Taggart tell him? Where he decides he's gonna help Axel catch the villainous drug dealing art vendor Victor Maitland? And he tells Axel this, and Axel is all, "I love you, Billy. I just fell in love with you." Remember that?

That's how I felt about Chris Hardwick on tonight's @midnight when he explained and defended telling jokes about Jared Fogle and his illegal sexual tendencies.
You gotta joke about it, because what else *can* you do? Emotionally, I mean.
So, you know--Points!

On an unrelated topic, research on a new Kinkly article has begun. I'll be calling it Project Arcturus, and will tell you all about it after I'm done--probably in about a week. How mysteriously vague, right?
wednes: (X-files)
I was watching Hannibal (the show) recently and was quite taken with the brooding sexiness of Will Graham. That Hugh Dancy is an attractive guy. But when he's clean shaven and smiling, eh? Not as good IMO.

This got me thinking about the popular archetype of the attractive broken guy all the ladies want to fix (or gay men, whatevs). There are plenty of guys like this on TV: Jon Snow, Sawyer from LOST, every other TV cop (Stabler, Mike Logan, Tim Bayliss, etc). I was trying to figure out how far back that goes and who started it.

I'm not super old--but as far as I can tell it goes back to James Dean. The sad kid who nobody understood, was sexy and needed a nice lady to hold him and stay with him and tell him that he's good. What is it about us that attracts us to such men? Is it that we're also damaged and want to be around someone as damaged as us--if not moreso? I mean, hanging out with a broken guy allows us to put our energy into "fixing" him (which we probably call "helping him") instead of looking inward and dealing with our own shit.

Uh oh, I just became aware of a RL parallel in my early years of dating. Almost exclusively, I dated broken men all through my teens and 20's. Life-wise, I can't be the responsible sane one in any relationship. Objectively, I am neither of those things.

And yet...this brooding male archetype is wildly popular. So it can't be just me. How much further back does it go? Did people look at Caligula and say "Aw, he just needs to find the right girl?" I mean, even Hitler had a girlfriend--one who suicided herself right along with him. People love Severus Snape even though he's a complete prick--it can only be because he's so dark...and so sad.

As Rod Serling would say--there's not a lesson here. We're just taking a look into a broken thing in our world and wondering WTF.

EDIT: Sarah pointed out a glaring error in my thinking here. I'm embarrassed to have not thought of Edward Rochester. That's one of my fave roles for dudes, and can reveal intense acting chops a'la Orson Welles, Ciaran Hinds, Michael Fassbender et al. My bad.


May. 18th, 2015 12:11 pm
wednes: (Doctor Trust Me)
Behind on work, which is not really a surprise. Computer issues, health stuff going on, depression still not lifting.

Woke up today to find the elevator scene from The my pants.
And if that's TMI, you obviously haven't been through middle-school sex ed yet and probably shouldn't be reading this blog. It's full of fucking swears.

Cut for Game of Thrones and Mad Men spoilers )
wednes: (TV!!!)
Agents of SHIELD finale talk )

Man, what a fantastic episode.

The Bates Motel finale was not all I'd hoped it would be. Still, not bad.

God dammit

May. 11th, 2015 07:53 am
wednes: (Carrie & Mom)
I fucking hate Mother's Day.
I hate it.

And I hate it even worse when...
dammit, I can't even...

I'm fine now.
But it's just such a difficult goddamn day.

To be angry on top of it is almost too damn much.
Seriously. --the fuck.

And you know what's weird?
Mad Men was actually more depressing than Game of Thrones.
Isn't that weird?
PS. Don't fall for it, Trudy.
wednes: (Cartoon JoJo)
I remember when summer time meant nothing but reruns on TV, which sucked. After May sweeps, there was pretty much zero good watchin' until season premieres in September. And as someone who grew up watching an appalling amount of TV, I'm kinda glad that's changed. As a reviewer though, summer is now my busy season.

Under the Dome was renewed yet again. But after two years of that torture, I am not subjecting myself to another horrible season. It's some of the worst character development I've ever seen--especially offensive given that it was already written for them, and must have taken real talent to screw up this badly.

Bates Motel is almost over. Two eps to go. Man, it's been a great season. I'm really thrilled that a story I love this much has been handled so well for so long. Word is, there are five seasons planned, and Vera Farmiga will be doomed to die soon--I think before this season actually ends. Freddie Highmore is SO damn good.

Ripper Street just came back. Only 8 episodes for that one. Even though it's already played in the UK, I'm doing week-to-week reviews as it plays on BBC America.

Game of Thrones has finally made some shit happen. That one is, again, 10 episodes, so 7 more to go this season. I have no doubt that a shitload of people are doomed to die. But since they're so damn far off the books at this point, it's hard to say who that will be. As long as they're taking liberties though, it's nice that the Bolton's are so goddamn hot.

True Blood is, of course, off the air. But I've been putting S2 on while I'm doing stuff, like half-watching it. It's always been a silly, guilty pleasure type show, but I did enjoy it before it went to complete shit in S5. I dig the Maryanne season, but the Russell Edgington season is the best thing EVER. Besides, that Stephen Moyer is a damn attractive fella.

Penny Dreadful comes back on Sunday. Helen McCrory is playing Liz Bathory this season, so that'll be fun. Plus Billie Piper is sure to...well, I don't want to spoil anyone who isn't caught up. But I'm stoked for another season.

Too many shows I dig (and watch with H) have been cancelled of late:
Neither Agent Carter nor Ascension were picked up.
and it's not looking good for Constantine either.
Falling Skies is ending too, but that show is long overdue for cancellation.

Spent tonight making up files and doing conversions for short stories. I'm releasing a few on Amazon for 99 cents, and putting novel excerpts afterwards. Marketing is so tedious and I feel so bad at it.
wednes: (Jack Mocks)
H and I are only through the first four or so eps of Daredevil.
Like everyone keeps saying, it's good.

And yet...
I really don't like Vincent D'nonfrio . I never have. I only watched his Law & Order when they were doing Logan episodes. Duh, Chris Noth > Goren.

I was telling H, villains are usually at least a little sexy: Loki, Billy Zane in Dead Calm, Sunil Bakshi, Pat Bateman, even Matt Damon played a hot bad guy. If they're not sexy, they're just straight-up terrifying. Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter (or Titus, depending), Palpatine, Otis Driftwood, Jigsaw, McCauley Culkin in The Good Son. You know...but D'nonfrio isn't really either of those things. I'm not saying I'm resistive to something new, but I just don't see the appeal.

Otherwise though, Charlie Cox is everything I wanted him to be.
I love that Jessica from True Blood is way less annoying than she was on that show. Turns out, she's actually got some chops.

I love the universe building, though it would have been cool if they'd had Creel show up for the fight with the dad.
wednes: (TV!!!)
The world of cable TV is in flux right now.
Consumers may actually come out the winners this time.

Did you hear that Comcast complained to the BBB et al about Rob Lowe's Direct TV commercials? Waaaaaah, they're funny and people like them. Maybe if Comcast had better customer service than say, the Ferguson police department, they wouldn't be so worried about a few ads.

HBONow showed up on my Apple TV earlier this week. That's their stand-alone service so you can get HBO without having to pay for cable.

Turns out, most of your bill for cable programming stems from deals made to give you professional and college level sports. I could give a fuck about sports. I don't even watch the Olympics anymore. So why am I paying that much for stuff I don't watch--let alone all the other channels that used to be worth paying for and are now basically shit. I'm looking at YOU: History Channel, Discovery, Animal Planet, The Learning Channel, Mtv, SyFy, Food Network, 20+ hours a day of Comedy Central.

I've been trying to determine what channels I would actually need in order to feel like I wasn't missing anything important. Remember, I'm a pro reviewer and a major fan of television.
I would want:
Network (abc, nbc, cbs, FOX)
Comedy Central
Showtime (but only for 1 or 2 shows)

There are probably a few other things I'm forgetting, but really, about 15 channels or so would have me covered. I'd just want a blazing fast internet connection. But it does seem like $200+ a month is an awful lot--which is about what we're paying with Uverse now that our fancy deal has ended. Plus, our internet is topping out around 5mbps, when it should be at least 4x that. This is preventing the watching of my iTunes from the Apple TV. True, a first world problem--but one that $200 a month should probably take care of for us.

How long will it be before a la carte channels are all available? I guess that depends. Comcast is being, by far, I think, the biggest crying diaper babies about all this. No telling what kind of petulant shenanigans they'll get up to as their position to gouge consumers becomes less and less stable.


Mar. 29th, 2015 07:26 am
wednes: (Growlers)
I'm finally getting it together to put some short stories for sale at Amazon. Now that I'm better at formatting for Kindle, it's a no brainer that I should be releasing as much as I can for sale. I have to say who the publisher is when I put new stories up on KDP. So I've decided to be WednesFri Scares. Because I'm me, and I scare.

With that in mind, The Growlers is back in print. Borrow it for free, or buy it for 99 cents. H made a sweet new cover, which you can see at the link. The icon for this post is the old graphic that I used when the podcast ep was released. Cool, eh?

Once I get new covers, I'm gonna be putting up a few more shorts to see how they do. I'm also gonna be publishing another author I'm not ready to release details about yet. Pretty sure I'll release Trabajando Alegre, Raja, and maybe Whitman, I Ain't. Might be nice if I could get pro-gun and anti-gun people arguing over that one. I should also release An Occurrence Among Stoners at Owl Creek Bridge because why the hell not? #Popularity

Now...The Walking Dead Season Five finale is tonight. After getting spoiled on Helix more than once this season, I'm not going back on the Internet from the time it airs until I actually see it. A lot of people are saying Daryl is going to die.

Initially, I dismissed this without much thought--sort of like I did with the "Snape Kills Dumbledore" spoiler that turned out to be true. It seems unlikely that TWD would kill Daryl, since he's a clear fan fave. AMC has made it pretty clear that they care more about profits than art, and they won't risk driving away the teenage fan base. Today I found out that Norman Reedus is selling his house, which could mean that he's moving on to bigger things. I will be bummed if Daryl dies, but I don't think that's what will happen. TWD is so large with diversions from the comic, but I think this time they're gonna adhere. If he does die though, he should totally turn up as a zombie on the spinoff. Yeah, I know it's a prequel. There are also undead cannibals, so suspending our disbelief shouldn't be too hard.

My prediction is that Rick will be exiled, and Glenn & Maggie will immediately elect to go with him, as will Carl. But then, Alexandria is the safest place for Judith, who would need Carl to take care of her. Abraham and Rosita, Father Gabriel Asshat, and Michonne will stay. But as soon as the gates open, that's probably when the Wolves will come. The lead in has been way too heavy to not have them show up. We've been promised tears, so I imagine that's when it will happen. I won't spoil it for anyone who doesn't know--but I will miss this person a LOT if that's who dies.
wednes: (Go Crazy?)
For anyone keeping track on whether or not I'll be taking Latuda--the new med my doc prescribed for me--I'm not. I was a little nervous about the side-effects, like causing crazy mania. H thought I should take it, because the doctor said so. I explained that psyche meds don't really work like that. It's not like a blood pressure med--where you can die if you don't take it. Anyway, I eventually agreed to give it a try.

Then I found out that it's $90 a month.
So I'm not gonna take it after all.
Funny thing is, $90 a month is actually very cheap for a non-generic psyche med. Personally, I know very few people who live with bi-polar disorder, clinical depression, or schizophrenia (all ailments Latuda is supposed to help with) who are financially solvent enough that a sudden $90 a month expense wouldn't cripple them. Of course, if I didn't have insurance it would be over $300 a month. Are there really people, even sane people, who can afford a sudden expense like that? That's almost half our rent.

In other news, I'm watching the crap out of House of Cards on Netflix. When we got the free Apple TV, I decided it would be neat to treat us to Netflix, since it's only $8 a month. It's already paid for itself over On Demand rentals. Plus I saw "It's Such a Beautiful Day" which is a cartoon that will totally make you cry.
House of Cards is insane, and much more murderous than I was expecting.

Still looking for a new gig. If you know anyone who needs a content creator, editor, English or writing tutor, or childcare giver for a kid older than 7--do let me know.
wednes: (Criminal Minds)
HBO, you are entirely too killy.
Game of Thrones isn't back until March.
So just calm the fuck down, why don't you.
Also, I wasn't actually ready for the series finale to be next week.

You are really trying my patience, HBO.
wednes: (Zombie B&W)

10 Fictional Characters YOU want on your offensive zombie team:

It's no secret that more people than ever are planning for the zombie apocalypse.  I know plenty of people who spend more time developing a zombie defense plan than planning for college, retirement, or what they'd do if they won a million dollars. You've probably thought about which of your favorite fictional characters from TV and films you'd want fighting off the undead with you.  I don't just mean fighting with Ash or Alice or the guys from Shaun of the Dead.  I mean how characters who have never even seen a zombie before would handle them—surely you've thought about it? 

What?  You haven't?  Well, that's just weird.  Luckily, I took the time to make a list just for you, in no particular order:

--Ellen Ripley: It is well established that Ellen Ripley knows how to stay calm and kick ass during a crisis.  Better still, Ripley actually follows the regulations designed to keep catastrophes from happening.  With minimal training and equipment, she fights her way through three fantastic Alien films…and then another one.  She exhibits proficiency with weapons, strategic defense skills, loader driving (believe me, it's more useful than you think), and a general ability to keep her wits about her.  Ripley is a must-have for zombie situations.  Best of all, she has a strong moral center that will keep her from murdering you, no matter how egregiously you screw her over. 

--General Maximus Decimus Meridius: (Gladiator, to his enemies) This guy is a fighter.  Close combat man, he's got it covered.  Sword work will prove invaluable during a zompocalypse, and nobody is better trained than an old-school pre-gunpowder sword swinging gladiator.  Equally valuable to the sword, a properly wielded shield can make all the difference.  As a soldier, Maximus is acclimated to going for long periods without food or water.  Anybody who can fast for days and still beat up a tiger is someone I want on my team—even if he is husband to a zombified wife and son.

 --Legolas:  If you're going to incorporate an archer into your team, and Green Arrow is otherwise engaged, you can't do much better than the Elf known as Legolas.  He is, as they say, peerless.  If it happens that you need to kill a specific zombie from very far away—Legolas can oblige.  So look out, zombie-Jay-Leno and undead-Rosie-O'Donnell, or the elf guy will um…arrow you.  As you can see in this pic, Legolas takes zombie fighting pretty seriously. 

--Yu Shu Lien:  Perhaps you don't remember her name, but when I mention Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, she is the first thing that comes to mind.  An amazing fighter, fiercely loyal, she will make a fine addition to any zombie fighting force. When you're forming your zombie attack team, consider that these may end up being the people who survive to repopulate the earth.  We can't have all of humanity descend into a seething pool of homliness.  For every funny-looking Legolas, you're going to need someone attractive to balance him out.  With that in mind, Yu Shu Lien is a big WIN.

--The Bride:  A roaring rampage of revenge is nothing to mess with, especially when it comes in the form of one of the deadliest women on earth.  While any of the Five Deadly Vipers would be handy in a battle with the undead, only The Bride can be trusted not to stab you in the back…or shoot you in the head.  Anyone who's seen her battle with the Crazy 88's knows that Beatrix Kiddo is more than ready to take on the horde. 

--Jason Bourne:  Hero of books and films alike, Jason Bourne is an unstoppable fighting machine.  Well-versed in multiple kinds of combat, skilled in breaking in and out of places, hotwiring and driving any number of conveyances, Bourne has it all.  So what if he doesn't always know who he is, who he was working for, or why so many people are trying to kill him?  What he lacks in cohesion, he more than makes up for in hunkiliciousness.

--Sayid Jarrah:  Speaking of attractive and deadly fellas, Sayid Jarrah is definitely welcome on my team.  While it seems that nearly every character on LOST was an awesome shot and knew how to knock someone out with one blow (without killing them—amazing!), Sayid had so much more.  The guns, the training, the electronics, mechanics, breaking that guy's neck with both hands tied behind his back—is there anything Sayid can't do?  **sigh**  He can't find happiness, but that doesn't make him any less valuable in a zombie infestation situation.

--Mace Windu: Despite succumbing to the most infuriating death in all of Star Wars, Mace Windu is a total badass—even compared to other Jedi Knights.  One of the last Jedi Council members to support the Galactic Republic, Mace Windu's fight scenes are as legendary as his mastery of The Force.  If there's a better weapon to fight hordes of undead than a light saber ™ this will be the first I've heard of it.  And if you have your choice of Jedi Knights, there's no reason not to choose the Master of the Order.

--Sarah Connor:  As everyone knows from the first Terminator movie, there were a couple of Sarah Connors.  I refer here to the one who lived long enough to bring John Connor into the future with the help of the Governor of California.   The one who became the fightingest single mom in American history.  Sarah Connor is highly trained, in top physical condition, and it completely unafraid to die.  She may not live forever, but you can bet she's gonna take down a crapload of zombies before she goes out.  She's in!

--Professor John Frink:  As a Simpsons fan, I wanted to bring at least one Springfieldian along for the zombie-infested ride.  But who?  Surely none of the actual Simpsons.  Only Lisa wouldn't be a seriously liability, and the zombie apocalypse is no place for an 8-year-old girl.  Snake is untrustworthy, Flanders won't want to shoot anything, Wiggum is a joke.  No…Springfield's only hope against undead invaders is Professor Frink.  Only he will be able to invent something fantastically clever enough to defeat them all in a single episode.  There's no telling what kind of undead shenanegans might necessitate a frog exaggerator, hamburger ear muffs, a sarcasm detector, or flubber—but with Frink on your side, your team will be ready.

Hon Mention: Galactus.  I'm not exactly sure how one gets Galactus on your side.  But if you can manage it, he would be, if nothing else, a solid Plan B in your zombie contingency plan.  

wednes: (Dark Side reflection)
Want to read a substantive post with well-considered opinions on racism, economics, war, and government asshattery? Well, this is not that post.
This post is to discuss my favorite (non Bill Paxton, obvs) character on Agents of SHIELD, Leopold Fitz. We know him as one-half of Fitz-Simmons, or as simply: Fitz.

Cut so you don't get spoiled up. )
wednes: (Work)
Last week, I got an Email from the producer of Thom Hartmann's show. If you don't know, he's a progressive pundit and pretty cool guy. They'd seen one of my phonesex articles at, and wanted me to talk about phonesex on the show. Like most of the times I get asked to do things, I agreed immediately without much thought to what I was getting myself into.

My old webcam was not really of TV quality, so I ordered a better one from Amazon. Even though I have Prime, and paid $9 extra, it didn't arrive when it was supposed to. In fact, it arrived today (the day after the interview). Thanks for the shipping refund, and for adding to my stress, AMAZON PRIME.

I was fortunate to be able to borrow an excellent camera. They told me they'd send the questions ahead of time, so no worries there. Some of my FB peeps had already done the show, so I knew I wouldn't be able to see the video of Thom as he asked me the questions.

Turns out, I didn't get the questions before hand. The first two things he asked me, I had no idea. I made some shit up. Then I babbled through the rest of the questions, occasionally forgetting to look directly into the camera.

I haven't actually watched the interview yet, but all my buddies said I did great. What are they gonna say, right? By today, a bunch of people on Twitter were making fun of me. Of course, Twitter is second only to 4Chan in the frequency and acidity of cruel comments. Anyway, here it is:

The important thing is, I didn't throw up.
wednes: (Go Crazy?)
I can't get over how much I hate Under the Dome on CBS. It's in its second season right now, and there's no reason to think it won't get a third.

So many terrible, phoning-it-in performances.
Dean Norris is so ridiculous, they might as well give him a mustache to twirl.
A pretty girl literally fell out of the sky.

As many of you know, fanfic is a tricky issue for me. I loathe the idea that yahoos can take the work of a good author, and add a bunch of crazy crap to it just so people who like it can have "more." Often, fanfic authors do this without the consent of the author or publisher--which is terrible IMHO. This show watches like terrible fanfic, written by people who don't give a rat's ass about the source material, or the man who wrote it.

But...Stephen King actually participates in the show. He wrote S2 E1, which wasn't even very good. He's apparently cool with his well-developed characters totally losing focus--I mean every week losing focus, not simply that they're different from the book. I can't understand it. I really can't.

I review it every week. So far, it's very rare for someone to actually defend the show. Can anyone defend this show? I honestly want to know how it's possible to like it, especially if you've actually read the book.

Seriously, how?
wednes: (Default)
It's in quotes because it was 66 degrees yesterday. Even for Michigan, that's a bit of a WTF.

Summer also used to be a barren wasteland for TV. This summer I'm reviewing Under the Dome (which sucks) and hate-watching the last season of True Blood, because closure.

However, Defiance is back and awesome. Maron has been great, and now we're watching Extant (the Halle Berry future thing) and The Strain (a vampire thing written by Guillermo Del Toro) and Falling Skies. H is also watching something called The Last Ship, and Dominion, plus I'm watching The Leftovers, which has been amazing so far. Jon Simm has a new show starting soon, which we're gonna watch the crap out of.

That's an awful lot of TV for summertime.

I'm finally re-setup with PayPal here, which I love.

My Adam Ant autobiography finally arrived today. Can't wait to dive into it, because mentally odd people tend to be equally frustrating and fascinating. I don't invite many people like that into my life anymore, so reading about them in well-written books is a joy.

Got a few projects going on right now, but can't actually post about them yet. The mag is going well, and this months issue has some particularly strong content. Loving my feature writers, and really wishing I could afford to pay them.
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
As many of you probably know, GRRM has give HBO the broad strokes of the A Song of Ice and Fire in case know, dies before he can finish writing it.

During Season 4, HBO decided to release a giant book spoiler on their website. I don't mean for something readers know about because they've read all the books. I mean things that haven't been put into the books yet--only hinted at. Want details? Clicky here!

With that in mind, you can imagine my dismay at the Game of Thrones spot HBO On Demand has been showing. It has Jon Snow sitting in the Iron Throne, juxtaposed with a shot of Daenerys looking all queenly. Of course, that is the dominant fan theory about how this thing is going to end. Was HBO really foolhardly enough to let that slip as well? Sure, it's possible that HBO is just playing into the fan hype. Honestly though, they aren't usually that witty about things. And in all frankness, I don't trust them anymore.
Have you seen True Blood since Alan Ball left? However much money he wanted, they should have just given it to him.

Jim Carrey

Jun. 22nd, 2014 06:31 am
wednes: (Milk & Cheese)
It's really a shame that Jim Carrey's career began with Fire Marshall Bill and Ace Ventura. If he wasn't so awesome, he could have been saddled with that crap forever the way people still think "Whoa!" or "Duuuude" when Keanu Reeves is mentioned in any context.

I love him in stuff, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is damn near a masterpiece. And The Cable Guy is a brilliant film commercially ruined by the dumb expectations of douchebags.

He tells a great story that I couldn't find on YouTube about his audition for SNL, which of course, he did not get. As he was arriving at the NBC building, someone was standing on a tall floor threatening to jump to their deaths. A crowd of people on the ground was divided, some yelling "NO" and some yelling for him to jump. Carrey was totally shaken when he arrived and asked if he could have a minute to calm down. They basically said "No, man. It's a live show. We don't always have a minute for you to calm down." I see their point and all. But I still wish we'd gotten Jim Carrey as a regular on SNL.

I finally watched The Truman Show tonight, after people telling me for years that I need to. I don't think I've ever disliked characters played by Laura Linney or Ed Harris so much. Well, Linney was a vile person in The Laramie Project, but she was slightly less evil than this. What a beautiful film. I wanted it to keep going after it was over--but that, of course, would have negated the larger message.

I searched for half an hour to find that SNL vid where Jim Carrey plays Jimmy Stewart busting on Jim Carrey. It's listed all over the place, but none of them actually play. Frown.
wednes: (TV!!!)
Before I get right into the Penny Dreadful tarot, I'll take a mo' to remind you all that I'm reviewing Penny Dreadful for GeekBinge. The first episode looked like 75% vampire wank, 25% cool Frankenstein stuff. The second episode was fucking incredible. If you check out my review, you'll see that Alex Price (Proteus) stopped by to give it a read. Squee, am I right?

Before the show aired, I went ahead and ordered the Penny Dreadful Tarot from the Showtime store. Their Dexter stuff is of good quality, so I figured these would be cool. By the by, you can get Penny Dreadful Tarot readings Here. They are silly.

First off, the Penny Dreadful tarot is smaller than a typical deck, though larger than a playing card deck. 2.75" x 4.75" They are purple with line drawings, and no other color. I don't have any other decks like that, so that's neat. If you're wondering, these are the other decks I have:
HR Giger (Major Arcana only)
and now this one, the Penny Dreadful tarot.

The major arcana cards are interesting, if not particularly true to the original symbolisms.
I'm gonna cut the pics since they're kinda big )

The so-called face cards are unique and cool also. I just don't think I could ever actually read with this deck. But then, I don't read with the Giger deck either. I have it because it's utterly badass, and was a gift from an old friend.
What I think is cheap though, is the number cards. Each suit has one card design, with the symbol added to match the count. So the II of Cups is the drawing with two cups. The III of Cups is the same drawing with one more cup...and so on through 10.
Here they are )

So yeah, they aren't bad. They aren't very expensive, so I think the Penny Dreadful tarot deck can be a fun little treat. But don't expect to actually read anything with it. The good news? After a slow beginning, Penny Dreadful is kicking ass and has every indication of being a top-notch show.

TV news

May. 10th, 2014 09:25 am
wednes: (TV!!!)
It's May, which means all the new TV news is coming down.

You don't need to be clairvoyant to figure out that Agents of Shield will be back for another season. There's also gonna be a spinoff, and it's not the wacky adventures of HYDRA. Too bad.

Larry Wilmore has been tagged to be Stephen Colbert's replacement. Obviously, it will be a new show, a scripted panel show that I imagine will attract plenty of great guests.

Community was cancelled.
That's some bunk ass bullshit.
Unless Abed gets a spinoff. Then I'll be okay.

Penny Dreadful starts on Sunday. Yeah, I could have watched it early, but I'm a fan of ephemerality and like to pretend TV has some left. I'm hoping it's not just a riff on American Horror Story, but it sort of looks like it. I like the combination of literary characters (Dr Frankenstein, Dorian Gray, Mina Harker), and the cast is strong. I'm reviewing it, so hit me up on Geekbinge if you're watching.

The Maron premiere was fantastic. It's amazing how much I like the show, when I'm confident that I would not like Mark Maron if I ever met him.

Delighted to see that the FCC's internet has been slowed down to modem levels. Not sure how much impact that will have since they're probably all using their tablets and phones with 3G or 4G. Still, fuck those guys.

In not-TV related news, few things depress me as much as seeing a family member post anti-fat hate on their Facebook--and then realizing that they're raising a daughter. You'd think people would want to create a better world for their kids, free from stigma and hate. Okay, maybe that's not possible, but mark my words--that poor kid will be dieting for weight loss long before she's a teenager. Gross.
wednes: (Snakes on a Plane)
Did the mag layout tonight in about 3 hours. Seems like it's gone okay. Once I get edits from the authors, I'll do the conversions and turn it in. It's another strong issue, and I love that we have a solid movie reviewer and a lit reviewer. I'd still like to find somebody to write about videogames though. You'd think that would be easier to find. I guess too many gamers would rather game than write about gaming. Jerks!

Friday's Pics continues to be fun and well enjoyed. Apparently I've inspired some youngsters to watch better movies. Yay!

I'm not posting a pic, but I did get an awesome haircut. It's nice and short in the back and almost chin length in the front. Nolas Underground Salon is def my new hair place. Dani is a hairgician, and everyone should see her. I'd never waited 10 days to see a hairdresser before, but she was totally worth it.

Bates Motel had a few slow episodes toward the middle of the season, but it's wrapping up with a vengeance. I'm beginning to wonder if this won't be the season Norma gets it. Game of Thrones is progressing nicely, and I'm pretty stoked to start reviewing Penny Dreadful on Showtime.

I'm pretty sad that Colbert Report is ending.
But John Oliver starts this week.
Sunrise, sunset. LOL
wednes: (Elephant on Trampoline)
I'm a little behind on work due to a combination of sleeping a lot and being more social. As a result, I have to work today and tomorrow even though H is off work for the big egg-hunting holiday. Not a big whoop though. We're also gonna have salad and tuna croquettes for dinner, followed by the first night of that Sci-Fi special BBC is showing. That's gonna be sweet. I think it's about Robots. And my tuna croquettes are insanely delicious. I use jalapeno instead of scallions and top with a mixture of avocado, lime juice, and labne.

Have 3 more stories to edit for the June issue. I'm still figuring out how aggressively to edit these stories. Some need very little, while others need much more--which is expected, obvs. I worry though, when authors get pissy about edits, that maybe I'm being too slashy with my metaphorical red pen. Thing is, I very rarely press for a specific edit. My edits are plentiful sometimes, but they're always given as suggestions. I suppose if I always give authors the option of accepting or rejecting each change (Thank you, MSWord), I'm not being "a tyrant" even if I make a zillion edits. Yes, someone has actually called me a tyrant, while another asshole decided that going over my edits was too time intensive, and went on to lecture me about time being valuable and him putting "all the time in on this story" that he intended to. WTF really? I found that so pretentious I thought the guy might have been punking me. But he didn't say shit when I took him out of the payroll.

H is starting physical therapy on Monday. I worry, because H doesn't do medical stuff well. But he fell and hurt his arm, and it still hurt 3 weeks later, so he has to. At least it won't be crazy expensive. Our insurance covers a lot more now. Plus, we'll be out all day Monday at appointments so I'm making a broccoli cheese soup in the crock pot. So pleased to have a nice crock pot since my old one was a total crapshack.

Decided not to watch Fargo after all. I don't really have time for a new show. Plus I heard they don't have a Marge Gunderson. I call bullshit on that.
Have you seen this Jimi Hendrix biography where Bootsy Collins reads Jimi's bio in the first-person? It's badass.

Game of Thrones has been pretty good so far this season.
Let the bodies hit the floor, amirite?
wednes: (Tyrion)
Pretty stoked for GoT to come back next week, more stoked to be reviewing it in exchange for actual monies. Finishing a rewatch of 1-3 and noticed something I hadn't earlier:

Season 1:
Jon Snow: "I've always wanted to be a ranger."
Samwell Tarly: "I've always wanted to be a wizard."
*both men laugh*

Season 3:
Samwell Tarly: *says some stuff he learned from books*
Gilly Craster: "You know all that, just from staring at marks on paper?"
Samwell: "Yes, I suppose so."
Gilly: "You're like...a wizard."

Sam loves Gilly even more because she sees him the way he wishes he was. Of course, he's also brave as fuck and has no idea. I love Samwell Tarly, even though he's sort of a copy of Samwise Gamgee.
wednes: (Zombie B&W)
I'd be willing to bet my last $5 that the chick at Terminus is a cannibal--or possibly the leader of a cannibal cabal.
That's why she's inviting people to go there. That's why she was grilling meat when they arrived. That's why she's played by Denise Crosby--because as far as I know, she's only played one non-asshatted character ever.

In other news, I'll be really happy when people stop trying to get Stephen Colbert fired. If one tweet by someone who isn't even him as convinced you that he's nothing more than a hateful bigot who deserves to have his platform taken away, I daresay that you could stand to clean your loop a bit better before turning on your TV. And if you haven't even seen the episode, kindly STFU until you do. No uninformed opinions plz.

Yes, people have a right to be offended at things they don't like. When shit offends me I usually have plenty to say about it. Nobody is being "too sensitive," IMO, and people trying to silence this woman are being just as myopic as she is.
But--not only was the tweet a reference to earlier mocking of racial insensitivity, but it wasn't even written by SC himself. Sure, people have every right to be offended, even outraged, if that's what their misunderstanding of the situation leads them to believe. That doesn't make it true, or reflective of Colbert's intentions.
A few people have explained to me that intentions don't matter if people('s feelings) are being hurt. This is where you lose me. If everyone who uses a certain word is always a certain way--aren't George Carlin and Lenny Bruce also total racists who "don't care about the pain they inflict?" If intentions don't matter, why do people want hate crime laws. NOTE: I do not support hate crimes legislation--not because I think hate crime is awesome, but because I think we should punish people for their actions, not their thoughts.

Hurt feelings necessitate an apology, and perhaps further discussion that leads to greater understanding on both sides. Trying to silence those with whom you disagree--instead of making your case and engaging in fair discussion--is just pointless posturing, just competing to be the Decider.

Maybe we could entertain the idea that we don't necessarily have to get people fired every time they do or say something we don't like. I've worked enough fast food and customer service jobs to know first-hand how much people LOVE to get others fired or reprimanded for doing something they don't like--whether it's not giving away free food undeservedly, saying a word that makes us cringe, or the terrible crime of not smiling. Wanting swift and crippling revenge against people we disagree with is petty, malicious, and an ineffective way to manage hurt or bring about social change. Do we really think all of TV would be better without Stephen Colbert? I don't see how...


Mar. 13th, 2014 10:27 am
wednes: (Pot meets Kettle)
I've had a low grade flu since the weekend. You'd think it would be gone by now. Or maybe I caught it on Monday since I spent the day with a kid. Kids are little sickness factories, especially since they spend so much time with other kids. Anyway, not feeling so hot.

Been trying to get up at a more reasonable hour, lay off that stuff I like, and just generally be less of a recluse. But people suck. I mean, I believe that people are basically good, and that if we take the time to get to know most people--we'll have more understanding and all that there. Internet-wise though, people are assholes. I got so annoyed with someone this morning I told them they had sand in their vagina. Not something I would normally do.

I've always been more of a night person than a day person, and I'm wondering if it might be because day people are jerks.

Was gonna watch Those Who Kill since I still have the first 2 eps on my DVR. Alas, it's already been pulled from the schedule. Sorry, Chloe.

Been waiting for a phone call about a job for the last hour and a half. They gave me a 1-hour window, so I'm irked that I'm still waiting. Plus, I have to call Uverse. Curious to find out why they think we should pay them $193 a month for slow internet and sub-par cable. At least Comcast has an awesome product to go with their awesomely huge rates.

The mag now has a movie reviewer and a book reviewer. Hoping to find a video game writer. You'd think it would be easy, given how many gamers I know. It's not though. *sigh*
wednes: (Hail Ants!)
Matthew McConaughey is not returning to True Detective next season. Luckily, he's not why I watch. Still...a little Bill Paxton would be nice.

I'm glad I don't actually know anyone in RL who thinks their religious liberty depends on being able to legally discriminate against gays, or anyone really.

Not linking to it, but Zack Snyder seems to think he directed Watchmen to "save" it from the Terry Gilliam's of the world. Fuck you, dude. Even if Terry Gilliam stopped making films after The Fisher King, he'd still be a goddamn genius.

Did everybody see my Seattle PI article about horror and perspective?

I do not support sending troops to the Ukraine, no matter what kind of shenanigans Putin is getting up to over there. Might be a non-issue though. Wait, do they have oil? I'm sure that will make all the difference.

Bates Motel comes back tonight. I'm reviewing it.

I was interviewed for Women in Horror Month, at long last!

Pasta for dinner, with tons of capsecum, mushers, and ground pork. Unusual for us to eat ground pork, but H does most of the shopping now--so I ain't complainin'

We're finally gonna watch Thor 2 so we know what the heck is happening on Agents of Shield tomorrow.

Shockwave Flash, I hate you. Chrome for mac, you're really starting to suck.
wednes: (Ouija)
Turns out, the new Supreme is me.

Movie Talk

Jan. 17th, 2014 06:45 am
wednes: (Default)
Dude, Where's my Car? is a cheap homage to American Grafitti.

House of 1,000 Corpses is a better remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre than the actual remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Most horror remakes are shitty.  A few are great:
Dawn of the Dead
The Fly
The Hills Have Eyes
13 Ghosts
Red Dragon (original title: Manhunter)

Some are pretty good
The Hitcher
Salem's Lot
Last House on the Left
Night of the Living Dead (Savini)

I wouldn't say these are definitive list, but those are the ones that come to mind.  I also really need to have a lot more Pixar movies.  As I was thinking that, Disney sent me a thing to join their movie club.  H doesn't have a copy of Avengers, which he totally should.  I need a copy of Up, and would like to have Monsters Inc and Wreck it Ralph.

Found out tonight that the head writer from The Daily Show has left to work on John Oliver's new show.  This bodes well for Oliver, and HBO, and us viewers.  I imagine TDS writing staff is solid enough that this won't be an issue that makes it all the way to us.  

wednes: (Handfasting)
H and I celebrate Christmas the old fashioned way:
We buy each other stuff we wouldn't normally buy.

I got H:
A spinny top that works with a string
chinese finger trap
Star Trek Next Gen Pez dispenser box set
Alien T-shirt
Tee fury T-shirt with every Doctor on it.
Onion hardback front page collection
2 pr satin boxer shorts

He got me:
Doctor River Song sonic screwdriver
box of dark chocolate hazelnut truffles
hazelnut milk
Whole Foods hazelnut coffee creamer
smoked hazelnut gelato (outrageous!)
organic choco hazelnut spread (that is NOT nutella)
ventresca tuna
2 packs of Nathans hot dogs because we love them and only one store in the area actually sells them. Woot!

So yeah, that was nice.
Most of our peeps got cards and homemade lip balms.
Always well received and appreciated, so far.

We also got a big tin of cookies and a pumpkin bread from my Aunt, and another bag of yummy treats from my old college pal who visited today.

We also watched Doctor Who, which I haven't reviewed yet but will.


Dec. 4th, 2013 04:54 pm
wednes: (Count Thumps Edward)
So, you know how I write SEO for a living? And how I supplement that with sex articles and TV reviews and book reviews and blogs and then I run an entire magazine?

Well, all that has left me with very little time or energy to write fiction.
This will not do...

I fully intended to NaNoWriMo that script I keep talking about. Guess what though? I didn't do it. Part of that was time related. Another part was that if I get a lot of work done, and make a reasonable amount of money--I feel enough sense of accomplishment that I don't feel like I need to do anything else on a given day. That's a BIG part of the problem.

I intend to scale back on GeekBinge reviews. They are enormous fun, but don't pay shit. Worse, they just aren't getting the play that they should be. Maybe they are too long? I won't be scaling back for a few weeks though. Mob City starts tonight and I'm totally covering it even though it's the same night as American Horror Story: Coven.
Got a new gig this week, writing reviews of non-fic books that I get for free. Yeah...they had me at free books.

So yeah, the next thing I write should be that screenplay for SyFy. I'll have to find an agent just to shop that, which will probably be really hard. But I have no excuse for not writing it. I just haven't been pushing myself as hard as I could have--unless catching up on four seasons of Community counts as pushing myself. I strongly suspect that it does not.

After the script is done and shopping for an agent begins, I should finish that short story I started for an antho that I never subbed it to. Yeah...

But then, I should really look through my pile of half-finished novels and see which one I should pull out and work on. What to do About Franklin has some promising characters. It was an attempt to write something with the scope, humor, and gruesome shit as a Christopher Moore Pine Cove book. The main lesson I learned that I shouldn't bother trying to emulate other writers. Mainly because, fuck that shit. Also, I would hate it if anyone tried to write like me on purpose. I'm so damaged emotionally that when I see that people are trying to get on my good side, it makes me think less of them. As in the popular Simpsons phrase You WOULD like me, Loser!
There's that other book with a title so lame I can't even remember it right now. That one is about 50,000 words deep (duh, it began as a NaNoWriMo) and is about a damaged woman in love with her hot hot boss. I know, right? That one has two different first-person POVs which is just so like me.

Under here is a giant pic of me hours after my last birthday, wherein I turned 43. You can totally see how awesome my hair color is. )
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
My birthday party is this weekend. I get so giddy with child-like glee for my birthday party. Lots of my favorite peeps come over and we eat yummy food, play games, and enjoy general merriment. It's like Christmas, but just for me and a select group of comrades.
Ya'll should come if you're in the area.

Key & Peele. Those guys are so smart and hilarious, I don't even get bent out of shape when Jordan wears a fat suit. From me, that totally means something since I went off on Jon Stewart for wearing one.
Also, I got my eye on you, Jay-Quellin!

My fam. Seeing my brother on a regular basis is awesome. Bummed his new GF can't come to my party because I would love to meet her.

I'm enjoying how many people are finally realizing how fucked up our current minimum wage is. That's right, people with full time jobs shouldn't be below the poverty line--especially if they're only supporting themselves, or themselves and one child. That said, yes, most families do require two incomes. If your wife has a job and you don't--fucking find yourself a gig, you lazy bastard.
Sorry to digress, that was for one person in particular.

Work. Even when various assignments are brain-breakingly terrible, I still LOVE being able to earn money by writing and editing from home. That is my life's dream, though I did think I would also have a house. Ah well...guess you can't have everything, amirite?

American Horror Story: Coven. I adore you. You are my favorite American Horror Story yet, which is huge considering last year's themes were insanity and mental health "treatments." And I've always been a fan of killer Santa Clauses--ever since Larry Drake in Tales from the Crypt. I still need to buy all these seasons. Would you believe I don't have a single one?
wednes: (Under the Bed)
Hey kids, the November issue of Under the Bed is available now in all formats. So that's awesome.
Only $3.99 per issue


Subscribe to save some dough. Only $1.99 per issue, or $19.99 for the whole year. AND you can try us out for FREE for two weeks. Neat, eh?

Tech-wise, I'm still having a rough time with the mag. Converting my beautiful layouts to epub and mobi files is sucking my life dry. Gotta work on that this weekend when I'm done writing boring SEO and fascinating Kinkly stories.

I'm pretty pleased with my new Website. It's pretty nice and lets me show off more stuff. Stig & The Puppetman are slowly going up there, the podcasts are all there too, and the mag, and all my books, and links to everything else I'm up to. So that's cool. There's also gonna be a newsletter, once people sign up.

Holy Crap! I just saw that Anthony Wiener is being on Bill Maher tonight. That's crazy. Who gives a crap what that guy has to say anymore? Um, Wiener, I mean. Maher is also kind of a jerk though.

I downloaded The Conjuring so I can finally check that out. H is also done watching Fringe so we're gonna start buying eps of Torchwood--like I wanted to forever ago.
Comedy-wise, I'll be caught up with Community by the time it comes back in January. Only 13 eps in the next season. That's not nearly enough, because this show is hilarious and clever and I'm bummed I waited so long to watch. Abed and I should have been friends since years ago. Plus, how awesome is it that Chevy Chase plays an out-of-touch asshole? Classic.

I hate spending more than $10 for a Kindle book, but I did pay $12 for MaddAddam. See, I adore Margaret Atwood and this is the third in a trilogy. So far, awesome. I can't even get my head around how she makes the fantastic feel immediate and earthy, while taking vile characters and terrifying events and making them seem like they're being read to you in a flowery garden. I wish I knew what she was like in RL. I suspect if I had insight like that it would totally break my brain.
wednes: (Farnsworth/zombie jesus)
I had a dream that Bill Maher got assassinated and HBO invited me to take over the show. They also wanted me to write the new season of True Blood, but I said no because it was too late to save that crapshack. Imagine all the cool people I'd get to meet if I hosted Real Time. It would only be kind of offset by the number of complete and utter asshats I'd have to endure.

My new website should be live by the end of the week. The designer, my 2nd cousin I think he is, is doing a swell job. If our moms are cousins, that makes us second cousins, right? Anyway, it's a wordpress site with a slick new layout. It builds on a lot of the stuff I've been doing since my first site went up around 2009.

Mag issues continue to be awesome, while my skill at InDesign leaves me feeling like I should stick to crayons. I still can't figure out how to export issues to mobi or epub that people will actually be able to read. Fie. Is there a service where I can pay someone to come over and show me? There should be.

H and celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on Monday. The actual anniv was Saturday, but of course H had to work. I got him a new watch, a bottle of ghost pepper hot sauce, and some sour cherry Turkish delight, because he loves those Narnia books. He got me a new set of wrist braces since my old ones were pretty sad. He also bought us dinner from Banditos, which is now my fave mexican delivery place in town. We liked Burrito Joint but their uncooked rice broke my tooth, so we ain't going back there.
H and I will have been together for 15 years in July--since we lived together for 7 years before we decided to get married in a year. Fuck. That is a long time for someone to put up with my crap. It's kind of unbelievable.

Maverick is out for mac computers. It's also free. Nice!
I desperately need a new computer, so I'm hoping to be able to do that by the end of the year. Wanna help? Subscribing to the mag is a good way to do that, while supporting small authors and artists. Or, you could just send a macbook pro to my place, and I could open it and use it. ;-]


Sep. 23rd, 2013 06:16 pm
wednes: (TV!!!)
Even if you've never seen an ep of Dexter in your life, you've probably heard people bitching about the finale online. See, any show that's been on TV for longer than one season will have haters after the finale--no exception. If I liked the finale, the haters can shut up. If I didn't like it--well, they can have at it. ;-] (I liked LOST and Sopranos, but was furious with BSG, for example)

Despite the formulaic season structure on Dexter, and despite the fact that we went through this season surrounded by pivotal characters we barely knew--I thought the finale was beautiful and tragic. I liked it very much.

That said, Dexter pales in comparison to other things on I don't know what genius at Showtime decided to run the Dexter finale the week before the Breaking Bad finale, but that was a terrible choice. And it didn't just work out that way--it was planned. Dexter was moved ahead over a month from when it normally airs, so I don't get that at all. Speaking of Breaking Bad. Damn...this shit is getting really sad. Maybe crime doesn't pay?

With S1 Under the Dome behind us, I'm starting to review Hostages tonight. I hope I didn't choose wrong, because we watched the Sleepy Hollow premiere last week and it was pretty good. I don't even think GeekBinge is covering that, which is a drag.

Speaking of good, Boardwalk Empire has been kicking ass.

In Under the Bed news, the EiC and I made the choice to skip a month of the mag so we could have a regular release schedule. This is due to some weirdness at B&N and some other crap I didn't really want to worry about. So what was Undead September is now our October issue. November will be full of monsters. For December, I really want to put the Krampus on the cover. I'm hoping someone will come through with a drawing. *eyes you artists*

You can beat the rush on our awesome zombie issue by subscribing before it comes out. Here is where you'd do that. It's only $1.99 a month, or even less for a whole year--$19.99. Every month you get at least five awesome short stories along with features (*ahem* [personal profile] porcelain72), reviews, interviews, and my own snarky commentary. How can you resist, and why would you want to?

We have Wreck-it-Ralph on the DVR.
If H won't watch it with me, I'm going to punch him.
I wish I had a boxing glove. I'm not a very hard puncher.
wednes: (Bear Attack)
I'm gonna talk a little about this seasons The Newsroom so far
with some spoilers. )

I love The Newsroom. It harkens us back to a simpler time with independent sources and verified facts. A time when people actually gave a shit about the difference between news and entertainment. It reminds me of when I got out of college with my journalism degree ready to tear Detroit a new one--and then our newspapers went on a strike that lasted more than three years.
wednes: (Default)
So...I did not get to go on HuffPo Live.

When they invited me, and I said yes--I thought that meant they were having me on. It didn't.
It meant that the producer I talked to was interested in having me on, which is the first of several steps to actually going on.

Turns out, someone associated with the show became available and I was bumped--you know, because I'm not that more qualified to talk about feminism, Skyler, BB, and women in TV in general--than the average smart person who pays attention to stuff.

Anyway, I thanked them for thinking of me and let them know that Dexter is ending in a few weeks and I'm totally available to talk about America's love affair with murderers. I'm infinitely more qualified to talk about that.

I wasn't even finished being bummed about it when I was approached by my editor at Kinkly for a new project that will make me monies and be tons of fun.

Also, the Kindle I got my brother for his birthday has arrived. I'm resisting the urge to open it and check it out. I'm also giving him a drive with a zillion books on it. Because my brother is awesome.
wednes: (Really?)
As I was watching Ghost Shark last night, it occurred to me that these shitty CGI movies could be less shitty with better writing. I mean, make a stupid, over-the-top monster movie with boobs everywhere and a cast that looks straight out of the United Colors of Benneton (do kids still know what that is?). But do it with a compelling script, a zillion pop-culture jokes, maybe a single character that audiences actually like--just for fun.

I could do that.
One might even argue that with my love of monster-movies, sharks, and horror--with my wit and dark sensibilities, and my passion for good dialogue that I'm incredibly well suited to this sort of work.
I have some awesome ideas, but I'm not posting them here.
Someone with an agent would totally steal them.

But no...
It seems that prestigious film scripts like Sharknado, Piranhaconda, and Ice Spiders can ONLY come to the SyFy Channel via an agent.
Yeah, those cheap-ass, underwritten CGI crapfests that I love so well have all gone through agents.

Is anyone else picturing a Saul Goodmanesque agent extoling the virtues of mixing dangerous animals with weather or other dangerous animals to make a boob-filled teen romp that only the SyFy channel would air?


In other news, aside from not really having the voice for it, I think Ben Affleck will be just fine as Bruce Wayne/Batman
wednes: (Neville)
I am not sure I care for the idea of simultaneous submissions. I can see why they're a convenience to the writer, but now that I'm a big-city editor (Ha!) I'm finding the whole concept to be a pain in the ass. Not sure yet if this means I should ban them entirely (not that people would listen) or stay with the current policy which is Simultaneous Subs are strongly discouraged.

Literary types, do you think the submission numbers would go way down if I insisted on no simultaneous subs?
Is that something I should be insisting on considering that we don't pay pro rates yet?

Not sure how to proceed, but I do know that it's frustrating as hell to accept a story, plan out an issue, and then see the work get withdrawn--especially if I've already edited it.
I'm inclined not to accept any submission from an author who does this. But I'm not sure if that's reasonable, or a sign of petttiness on my part.
(I wasn't going to tell anyone this, but I can be damn petty at times--Ha!)

Little help?

In other news, tomorrow night is Ghost Shark.
If you're in the neighborhood and want to come by, it comes on at 9pm.
I also made chocolate chip bananna bread with pecans.
wednes: (Seriously?)
I haven't posted in almost a week. Goodness! You all must be beside yourselves with worry and curiosity. Truth be told, I haven't been on the internets as much as usual. That whole being called a misogynist by strangers thing soured me on my beloved interwebs for a couple of days. Plus, our internets have been out a few times.
I've also been working on the mag, which is alternately awesome as fuck and frustrating as hell. I'm always a tad bemused when grown-ass adults behave like cliquish junior high schoolers in work situations. Seriously? I mean, Really?!?

Undead September is gonna be a badass issue. Having said that, I don't foresee doing a theme issue again any time soon. I'd much rather keep people guessing while avoiding tropes. Tropes piss me off. The only thing worse than following tropes is deliberately doing the opposite of what the trope would require. Predictability is the death of the scare--and if I ever meet Rob Zombie in person, I just might have to tell him that if he's still in the room when I wake up from swooning.
If I wrote a book about my experiences thus far as an editor, it would be called:
Too Many Commas:
My Love Affair with the Backspace Key

People use too many commas.

John Oliver is done hosting The Daily Show...for now. He slayed it, seriously. That guy is adorable, and it's clear that he is well-respected among his peers. Not only is he smart, clever, and really funny--but as soon as he had any pull in the industry, John Oliver immediately started showcasing other comics on a stand-up show. That's just awesome. I love that the Comedy Central late-night peeps seem like genuinely good people who aren't full of shit. We don't hear about them cheating on their wives, driving drunk or otherwise acting like assholes. As sad as it is that this is considered remarkable, I'm glad to know that there are media types who aren't scumbags--not even a little.

Here's a video about how HBO should show more dick that's not of the HODOR variety. Muchas Lulz.
wednes: (TV!!!) Why I hate Skyler White article has driven people to the point of madness. I totally got flamed, and I'm pretty sure a few of them were not sock puppets of the main detractor. One person took my thoughts totally personally, and would not let up about what a terrible misogynist I am, how I don't understand emotional abuse, and apparently think *every* battered woman has the ability to just pick up and leave (and not just Skyler, who has an education, support system, and a pallet heaped with cash).
Presumptions about strangers on the internet are amazing.
I find it especially funny because I pretty much put all my personal business right out there for the reading. Anyone who actually cared to get to know me could do so in short order--just by reading what's already posted.

But see...people aren't interested in getting to know you, especially when they're so busy judging you for daring to say something they don't like. I'm surprised they aren't telling my editor to fire me, lest they boycott the site. Ha!
It's funny mainly because we don't get all that much traffic, so the flaming was a big boost to me money-wise.
I later learned that apparently Vince Gilligan said this:
And with the risk of painting with too broad a brush, I think the people who have these issues with the wives being too bitchy on Breaking Bad are misogynists, plain and simple.
Which, I guess, gives douchebags the idea that by calling me a misogynist that they will become Vince Gilligan's best friend or something.

It seems like my editor took it much more personally than I did, because he really tried to defend me and the article--going so far as to write his own rebuttal article. His main point was that while he disagreed with my take on her, that calling me a misogynist is fucking stupid.

To my mind, saying that *I'm* what represents misogyny is an enormous misunderstanding of what feminism and misogyny actually are. That's over and above the fact that I'm about as misogynistic as I am racist, Christian, or homophobic...which is to say, not fucking much by half. You might as well say everyone who likes the show is a fan of both murder and blue meth.

Last night was movie night. We had a small but quality crowd, good food (Curt brought an amazing buffalo chicken dip that I want to bathe in) and a Burgess Meredith double feature. Foul Play followed by The Sentinel. Nice! There is polenta left over that I'll fry up for H, and a goodly amount of pina colada no-bake dealies that have no booze and are delicious.

Tonight is editing stories for the magazine, and maybe watching Savages. Tomorrow, of course, is a million TV shows. Dexter, Breaking Bad, and Newsroom. Woot!
wednes: (Irate typist)
But I'm only talking about Breaking Bad long enough to share with you my article on Why Skyler White is the worst wife in the history of anything.


EDIT: OMG, I'm totally getting flamed as a misogynist, being called names, and am told I fail to understand the point of the show. Amazing!
wednes: (Wizard or the Skull)
Or is it?

I'm incredibly busy for someone who barely leaves the house. Still doing all my usual SEO work. I have about a dozen SEO clients right now. I also write an article or two a month for Kinkly. Those articles tend to go bonkers online. I guess people on the internet like sex. Who knew?

Still reviewing Dexter (meh, so far) and Under the Goddamn Goddamn Dome or whatever it's called. I might as well make the title longer since they've got the nerve to give us a whole second season of that watered down claptrap. H hasn't read the book and he still says it's flat and absurd, and the dialog is clunky and most of the performances are stiff. Dean Norris is giving a stellar performance though. The totality of my snarky comments may be found at Geekbinge.
We're doing some Breaking Bad stuff to celebrate the new season. I'm doing an In Memoriam article with snarky commentary on everyone who died, and a short piece on why Skyler is the worst wife in the history of anything. Well, it's supposed to be a short piece. But she's awful, so it might get long and a little ranty. I'm caught up with the first half of Season Five, and am pretty stoked that they brought in Justin Louis. I love him! I was sad when he turned into a zombie that time.

And of course...the mag is going on. My experiences with theme issues thusfar has led me to conclude that there will be no more theme issues. I'd like to leave each issue as a grab bag where you never know what you'll get. We'll feature things in a way that has universal appeal among horror fans. Undead September is happening, and we've got some cool vampire stuff in the mix for October. Remember, vampires are villains, not fuck buddies.
Horror is a vast landscape and I don't want issues to be restricted to any one thing in particular. Submissions are slow at the moment. I'm hoping that once issues get out there and people see how badass the mag is, that will change. In the mean time, you might consider subscribing so as to get your hands on the horror. It's a mere $1.99 a month or $19.99 for a whole year. I'm not even sure how you could resist. You can't, can you? Besides, how will you review it if you haven't read it?

And finally, IT'S SHARK WEEK!!!
Granted, I liked Shark Week better when it was about shark conservation and the importance of not hunting apex predators to extinction. Now it's about how scary and bitey sharks are, and how high they can jump. I gotta confess, some of that leaping white shark photography is fucking awesome.
I mean, seriously.
wednes: (OMG!!!)
Yeah, power was out for a fraction of today, giving me yet another fine excuse to not get much work done. It's back on now, which is how I'm blogging. Duh. Publishing is closing down today. This was the publishing house that sent me my very first acceptance letter for my very first novel, A Stabbing for Sadie (which was almost named "Tiamata"). That book is in the process of being released as a second edition. In fact, this very weekend I am going through it one more time. I was ambivalent about some tense issues and now I need to fix it. Anyway, publishing with SGP was great in many ways, and helped me learn a lot about publishing, about writing, and marketing, and how it was not very much like I thought it would be at all. I'm pretty happy to be with a new house with new editions, soon to have a new website and my very own horror mag.
I always had a vision of me sitting in a room with some brilliant editor type, discussing all the ways to make it better. That never happened though. Like a lot of things in life, that's something I imagine will happen to other people but never to me.
But then, I tend toward the melancholia.

Speaking of which, the finale of Marc Maron's show is on tonight. I'm a great fan of Maron, but I daresay it's different than the way I'm a fan of say, Jon Stewart or Carlin. I've been watching Jon Stewart since Mtv Spring Break. He's always seemed like a cool older cousin who knows where I can get some pot--and will sit down and talk to me if I'm sad because the older kids were mean to me.
Maron doesn't seem like someone I'd ever hang out with. He seems like the sort of guy like Jerry Seinfeld--who is way to self-conscious to enjoy hanging out with someone like me. I had a hot, hot boss like that once.

My hair is well on the way to awesome, color-wise. I bleached the hell out of it, becoming half a blonde after about 2 hour of Flash Lightening. I'm doing it up with a new blue and a lilac--which is not taking very well. I'm hoping this second round of color will absorb better and end up looking stunning. The trim I gave my own hair looks kinda shitty, but I'm not cutting any more until it grows out a little in the front.

First issue of my horror magazine is due July 4th. That means I'll have to accept all the stories by then, and notify the authors. I also have to finish Sadie edits in that time, write 8 new SEO articles, finish the last Stig & The Puppetman for a while, and do two TV interviews a week. Dexter starts back up on Sunday. That is, if you'll pardon the sexist expression, gonna be tits!


Jun. 20th, 2013 06:39 am
wednes: (Sad)
I was shocked and saddened earlier tonight to learn of the sudden demise of James Gandolfini. Damn. He should have had at least 20 more years of acting ahead of him. By all accounts, he was an awesome guy who was warm and welcoming to everyone. If you heard some crap about how he wasn't--do us both a favor and keep it to yourself, at least as far as this blog is concerned.

Like most people, I will remember him best as Tony Soprano. Soprano was an infuriating character that met a predictable end. But damn, I couldn't stop watching. Gandolfini has been great in lots of stuff, most notably as Juror #6 in Billy Friedkin's excellent remake of 12 Angry Men, and as Carol in the tear-jerking Where the Wild Things Are. When I had crazy mafia dreams about the Sopranos, James Gandolfini was always my dad. Take from that what you will, I guess.

As if that wasn't enough to be sad about, Stephen Colbert came back tonight with a tear-filled and touching memorial about his mom. She sounds like one of those super strong women who weathered a hard life and always looked on the bright side. Plus, eleven kids? Damn. It's sort of uncomfortable to hear Stephen speak as himself rather than the character. As a viewer, I really only hear that when he's on another news show or if something is wrong.

In non-sad news, Under the Dome starts on Monday. I'll be pretty disappointed if it's not totally badass. I saw a pic of Stephen King on the set. That certainly bodes well. Plus it almost certainly means he did a cameo. Woot! Don't forget, I'm reviewing it for GeekBinge.

Oh, how's the writing going? Funny you should ask:

wednes: (Sow the Seed)
I'm watching all the eps of Maron that I had on the DVR, mainly to avoid work for a few hours. It's really funny and good in that low-key, depressing Maronish way. I was a fan of Maron back when you could see good stand-up on Comedy Central all the time. Boy...those were the days. I hadn't really thought about him for a while before his new show. I don't really listen to podcasts, even when I made one. Now I kinda wonder what Dave Atell is up to. ;-]
It's weird, Maron feels like he's trying to get to the guts of some big emotional and personal issues. But the show almost watches like he doesn't hang out with enough crazy people that offer him perspective. But that's not possible, is it? After all, he's a comedian. They're all kinda nuts, right? Is it because men are just so terrible at communicating? Anyway, Marc Maron in coveralls looks like a depressed serial killer who can't remember where he left his chainsaw.

Speaking of depressing news, I was sad to hear that Stephen Colbert's mom died. Still, 92 is a pretty good run. I'll be lucky if I make half of that.
John Oliver is kicking ass on Daily Show, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the inevitable announcement that Jon Stewart will be leaving some day.

Moving on to Wednes-related things, I've been reading subs for the magazine.
Oh yeah, if you haven't heard:

I'm now the editor of a horror eFiction mag!!!

Yeah, I'm not sure the complete extent of my duties yet. Should be meeting with my boss-type person soon and figuring out all the details.

My new website is progressing nicely. My cousin Richard is doing an awesome job with the design and colors and stuff. I think he is my second cousin, actually. Well, he's the son of my mom's cousin, whatever that is. It's a much more um...modern looking site that will feature blog snippets and recent Tweets, in addition to offering newsletter sign ups and all the stuff that was on my old site--like book excerpts and free audio stuff.
That'll be cool. Still waiting for KMLYLM audiobook to get approved and released. Also waiting for paperback version of The Finster Effect which I hope will be ready soon.
wednes: (Wednes Logo)
Oh man, I had a rough couple weeks of work, work, and then some more work.
Now I'm largely caught up. Yay!

My VERY spoilery Game of Thrones review is here. I knew what was coming, and actually found it somewhat cartoonish and over the top for about half of the last scene.

Say, did you know you could follow me on Twitter for content you can't see here or on FB (but you CAN see it on LJ if you're over there)?
Add me, I am @WednesFri
I also have a Pinterest now. That site is pretty fun, I must say.
I play around over there now that Pet Society on FB is going away.
Yeah...that was money well spent.

Talking to someone about a job via G+ today. I've never had an interview via online chat before--though I assumed I would back in 2008 when I bought this computer. It's more of a gig than a job, but I'm stoked anyway.
Details later, if applicable.

I have a 70's movie party coming up. We're gonna watch Trilogy of Terror and Crowhaven Farm, the latter of which I have not seen since the actual 70's. I'm also gonna attempt a chocolate cheesecake. I'm not really prone to fancy baking, utilizing a bain marie, or even a springform pan. I'm not that great at baking, though I'm awesome at cooking.
We shall see...
wednes: (Tyrion)
Now that I'm an *ahem* professional TV reviewer, I don't blog about TV here much. This weekend though, we had probably the most badass Doctor Who finale in the history of both Doctor Who and finales. Damn.
That shit was incredible.
I don't know why everyone's always bitching about Moffat.

Game of Thrones was merely adequate this week. Joffery's dicketry is getting tired, and the whole show is marred by every scene being too damn short--and every character not getting enough screen time. If a book is 500 words longer than a previous book, why can't the season be one episode longer?
C'mon HBO, you're a friggin' gold mine. Don't cheap out on the fans.

Finally read Under the Dome. It was long. Also, it's one of those books that makes you hate people. It's very truthy. That's SK horror.

As long as I'm on the internet, I might as well tell you what we're having for dinner. I'm roasting gold potatoes and hunks of keilbasa with peppers and veggies. When it's done roasting, I'm gonna put a creamy horseradish sauce on it. It's gonna be SO tits!

Bates Motel finale tonight. Stooooooked!
wednes: (Heart Horror)
Marketing 2.0 is about to get underway as I update my website, start a newsgroup, and continue with the paid adverts. Audiobooks will (hopefully) be out soon--but that's tougher since it's not all under my control. I'm not gonna be linking this blog to my site anymore--at least not as the main blog. I have a big awesome plan for something I could tell people about that they don't already know and will find fascinating.

So I'm stoked about that.

TV Reviews continue to be fun and good for exposure. The money is not great, but the writeoffs are awesome.

We watched Defiance, all they've showed so far. It was not bad. Derivative, but hell, what isn't? There are some future-Lannisters in it. Bright blonde hair, ruthless while pretending to be on the level, and inappropriate nakedness between family members. Mom, please put on something besides beads before you hug your kid. All I remembered was the door and weights, that there were witches, and that a girl a little older than me (at the time, I was probably about 11) was trying to steal a grown-up lady's husband. Amazingly, she was successful, which blew my mind as a kid.

For H, I got some Assassin's Creed game he had on his wishlist. He likes it, though he says he's "way behind."

Tonight I have two TV reviews--thank the gods The Following is finally ending tonight. I've had fun mocking it, and puzzling how Bacon and Purefoy could have thought this was good writing. *swoon* Purefoy...
It's so disappointing that such a promising show was SO terrible. I'm still digging Bates Motel. Both of the leads, Freddie Highmore and Vera Farmiga, give excellent performances. I expected the tacked-on brother to be a throwaway character, but he's also been interesting and good.

Reading Under the Dome so I can be in-the-know when the series comes out this summer--I'm totally reviewing that too.
wednes: (FG/Psycho)
I require the services of a web designer who can rework the front page of my website,

When I first came up with the ideas for the site, I had no idea how important it was to have fresh content on the front page. My front page is static, and is a jumping off point to take people to other parts of the site where they can download pdf samples and podcasts, read reviews, contact page, bio, etc. But the front page doesn't change.

I need to move all the headings over to the left side of the page, and have my Twitter feed onto the other side. That way, there will be fresh content on the front page, and stupid bots won't think it's just sitting there doing nothing.

It seems like something I should be able to figure out. So far though, no luck. I need to find someone who can do this for me, preferably for a wage they'd be otherwise insulted to take. Well, not quite THAT low, but my budget is pretty tiny.

If you or someone you know is willing to take a stab at this, do let me know.

Also, if you haven't been already, do take a look at my TV reviews at GeekBinge. These days, I'm covering The Following, and Bates Motel. Coming up: Doctor Who and Game of Thrones.

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