Medicine

Apr. 19th, 2017 10:31 pm
wednes: (Colbert Rage)
I'm taking a new medicine (no, it's not insulin) that comes in a pen. I give myself a shot in the stomach every morning, which isn't remotely as bone-chillingly horrible as it sounds. With these pens, you screw them into the pen and give the shot. Then you throw the needle part away and use a fresh one the next day.

After 2 weeks, I needed more "pen needles." I can't seem to get them. My pharmacy doesn't appear to have them, so my doc called them in to a medical supplier. They called me today to say that while they do have what I need, they can't take my insurance.

I said "Can I just get a week's worth and pay for it without the insurance? I just used my last one." The lady paused. I heard typing, and she came back with "No." I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. She repeated, "No, they're prohibitively expensive." And she said this to me AFTER reading that I have an Ann Arbor mailing address. This place is a shithole, but many people assume we have money because we have an Ann Arbor address.

Long story short, nobody seems able to help me get them.
Desperate, I look them up online so I can at least find out how much I need to scrape together to get them.

Come to find out, Amazon has a box of 100 for under $15.
What the hell?!?

I'm pondering this, because it happened the same week I got CPAP supplies from the local medical equipment supplier--MedEquip Ann Arbor, if you're wondering. The charge for one "gel mask with headgear" is $149. But I was charged an additional $50 (billing only, it said) for headgear. But guess what? I only got one headgear. I called the place, and they assured me several times that even thought it SAYS the $150 price covers headgear, they actually have to charge me an extra $50 for reasons they can't explain.

Guess what? Amazon sells the gel masks for $70 (without headgear) and $20 for the headgear. So they're charging more than twice what another retailer is for the same exact products. Same brands, models, everything.
When I asked about this, they explained that part of what I was paying for was "the convenience" of having them bill my insurance--which doesn't cover these full amounts. But it WOULD cover everything if they weren't overcharging me out the ass.

I'm not sure what I want to do about that. Can I bill my insurance for reimbursement for stuff I bought on Amazon? How does that even work?
It seems like this kind of fuckery is just another thing making health care shitty in America. If we had single payer, companies that overcharge by this much would never get a government contract and would have to either charge fairly or GTFO.
wednes: (Farnsworth/zombie jesus)
When they're not talking about the Nazi rally down the street, a lot of people are talking about health care. Health care in America has sucked for a long time, almost got better, but then kinda didn't. Now? It's going to be worse than it's ever been, and for whatever reason, some poor people are happy about it.

I guess if your insurance company decided to raise rates and deductibles, that's bad news for you. But they didn't do that because they couldn't afford to pay for care. They did it so they can still make tremendous profits while providing some people with limited care. The problem isn't how much things cost--it's that HEALTH CARE SHOULD NOT BE RUN FOR A PROFIT. I'm still not clear on how that isn't obvious. Like air and water (yes, we also pay for some of those things), being able to get regular checkups and shots, take the pills you need to stave off disease and whatnot, should not be something every non-rich American has to stress about.

When I was a kid, if someone got bad news from a doctor--their first move was to get A Second Opinion. Because doctor's are people, people who have opinions and who make mistakes. When's the last time you heard about a non-rich person going to talk to a different doctor because they didn't like what the first one had to say? Honestly, I don't think I know anyone who has done this. Sometimes if a mental health doc doesn't work out, people try a different one months or years later when they can. But I don't know anyone with the luxury of shopping around for doctors...and I do know a lot of people who are quite comfortable financially.

But then, rich people have always used doctors differently than the rest of us. Ever see a movie where a woman is crying--usually because something awful has happened? And the men say "She's hysterical. Get her a doctor." I know I've been hysterical a few times in my life. Other times, I've been so angry that I've literally come out swinging. Never, EVER has anyone called a doctor to come to my home and give me a sedative. Again, I don't know anyone this has ever happened to. it's more likely that the person would be loaded into an ambulance and carted away.

On the bright side, we've also done away with the bizarre practice of doctor's not telling women what's wrong with them. There's a story in my family about a mother of young children who's doc discovers that she has cancer. It's fatal, and there isn't much time left. The doctor then discussed his finding with the mother's husband, and the two of them discussed what the mother would be told. Um, WHAT? The story is that the husband respected the mother enough to tell her the truth, which is supposed to be awesome of him. The larger point, obviously, is that it would be monstrous not to tell a mother (or anyone) that they are dying, because of some weird sexist reasons I can't begin to fathom.

Anyway, I predict that medical care is about to reach a Soylent Green-ish lack of access. I think the Supreme Court will hear an overturn of Roe V Wade in the coming months. I'm also pretty sure the minimum wage will be abolished. Once that happens, it could be outright revolution. Walmarts will be burned to the ground--which honestly, would be pretty hilarious.
wednes: (Eclipse)
Last week, I had a doc appt on Wednesday. I hate going to the doc. Actually, I hate going anywhere. I don't like being around people or in environments I don't have any control over. The older I become, the worse this is. But I needed med refills and an A1C, so I arranged my whole week so I'd be sure to make it to this appointment.

The doc was sick and canceled on me. That sucked. It was almost shopping day, so I needed my refills called in. I made another appt for Friday--the last possible day to get them called in so we could pick them up on grocery day.
The doc was still sick and canceled again. At this point, I was annoyed for myself and kinda worried for my doc. Also, I asked the nurse to call in all my scrips.

Long story short, nothing worked. I still don't have my meds and it's Wednesday afternoon. Right now, my left foot has been tapping for about 2 1/2 days. I'm supposed to be working, but my attention span is shorter than JoJo's. It took me three hours to figure out what to have for dinner because even thinking about it seemed so overwhelming that I almost just went back to bed. My anxiety is through the roof. Then I made the foolish mistake of reading the news--the kind of news that really makes me wish we owned a car. I hate for H to be out and about so late at night. He doesn't even tell me now when cops hassle him and ask his business. I worry so much that he doesn't want to worry me further--which in turn makes me feel like a basket case a'la Myra in Deathtrap.

I've also been doing this new thing, where I train my brain to stop thinking about something awful and start thinking about...absolutely anything else. So when I remember that Nightmare Client thinks he totally got one over on us, I can make my brain think about something else (like say, Doctor Who) instead of getting angrier and angrier until I'm punching pillows. It's been going well. I'm getting pretty good about this--even knowing that many people developed this skill as children. I'm a crazy-pants, and I'm just getting around to it now.
It's a whole lot more difficult without my psyche meds. I even caught myself wondering if my doc wasn't messing with me on purpose because I'm so shitty about attending appointments. But that would be insane, right? That's the rambling of a paranoid mind, right? RIGHT?!?

Watching The Daily Show though, always helps me feel better. No matter how crazy I get, I still have a complete understanding of why Barack Obama wasn't at work in the Oval Office during 9/11. Because seriously, WHAT?!?

So yeah, my mind is going both fast and slow. It's laser focused on stuff that doesn't matter while being completely unable to focus on the stuff I need to do. Should be awesome to see how this all impacts my review of American Horror Story tonight.
wednes: (Shaun/Beatin')
I finally, at long last, have my proper medication in hand after being more than two weeks without it. As of last night though, my psyche was pretty much broken. I was within a breath of telling H to "shut the fuck up and stay away from me," which is simply not how we speak to each other. But my brain was broken.

In weirdness news, I learned that there's a way to report people who steal your Tweets. One wouldn't think stealing Tweets would be a thing, since there's a simple button that lets you retweet. But for a few months now, there's a chick who's been copy/pasting my tweets, putting her initials in front--basically posting Tweets that look like she's telling me something I just said. But on her feed it looks like it's her own content. Why would anyone do this, aside from general fuckery? I do not know.
So today, after this person stole and copy/pasted my tweet about (of all things) reporting stolen tweets, I told her that I reported her. She responded as if she had no idea it was unethical to copy/paste other people's Tweets. She seemed to think that because she tagged me in "her" Tweets, that she was giving me credit.

I had to SMH and laugh, because I have a book client right now who I've literally spent hours with, trying to explain Twitter. But they still don't understand it. I realize that all social media sites have their own idiosyncratic elements that have a learning curve. But really?

Blue Cross Blue Shield can fuck right off, BTW. They decided to stop covering something I need. So instead of it costing $5 a month, the new "uninsured" price is $235 a month. Needless to say, that means I won't be getting it. I can almost understand why they wouldn't cover it. But I cannot understand how concentrated hydrocortisone could possibly cost that much. Fucking pharma-bros, all of them! I'm told that in other parts of the world, it's illegal to make a profit on medical supplies. Seems like common sense, right? Another way the US of A is teh oligarchy. Maybe everyone should shut the fuck up and stay away from me, at least until I feel more like my usual charming self.

Indian Food

Jan. 5th, 2016 12:37 pm
wednes: (MamaCass)
I had Indian food for the first time last night.

Paneer with spinach and a seafood dish in a spicy sauce with yogurt and nuts. Also, garlic paneer. H had paneer as well and a citrusy tomato sauce. It was really spicy. Mine was supposed to be "medium" but I also found it intensely spicy.

Here's the thing.
I need to learn to make--at the very least, paneer and that sauce, which is called "korma" sauce. I'm guessing that this will require a bunch of specialized shopping, since I doubt I have any of the spices I need onhand. Well, garlic. Always garlic.

How did a whole nationality of cuisine this awesome escape me for my whole life up to this point?


In other news, I went to the doc yesterday after not going for almost a year. The new doc is actually pretty awesome. My numbers were slightly worse than last year, which stands to reason since I was out of a few meds and have been taking abysmal care of myself since falling into a crazy depression. I got a referral for a therapist, and they also want me to have an EKG stress test thingy. I don't know why provoking my heart is a good idea, but I'm not a doctor. I'm also behind for a mammogram, so I probably should call back and get a referral for that too.

I need to get one of those lights for seasonal affective disorder. I was hoping my insurance would cover it, but no such luck. They're surprisingly costly. Fie!
wednes: (Eclipse)
I think I have shingles. I developed a really painful rash on my back. Now it seems to be spreading. I don't know what else that could be. And I have had chicken pox as a kid. Luckily, H has had chicken pox too, which means I can't give it to him.

Thanks, WebMD.

I've been doing work, looking for more work, and watching TV. Kind of a lot of TV. The fall shows are back and the summer shows are drawing to a close. I think the finale of The Strain is on tonight.

Honestly, I don't want to spend time online as much. Don't want to read the news. Can't take all the bullshit commentary and wish Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz would just crawl into a ditch and stay there with their phones off and their mouths closed.

I did come up with a fantastic short story idea recently. Even better, when I reread the idea a few days later, sober, it still sounded good. I love when that happens. After I'm caught up with work for the month, Imma get on that. It's about a piano.

I wish I had a piano. Once I have a house, if I ever have a house, I'm gonna get one. They have them free on Craigslist all the time. I'd just have to pay movers to pick it up and bring it to wherever my house is.

I never realized it before, but the similarities between Tom Baker's Doctor and Peter Capaldi's are many. Many.

Back

Sep. 18th, 2015 10:49 am
wednes: (OMG!!!)
I have this physical thing going on right now, for the last 2 days actually, where I can't straighten my back and legs at the same time while I'm standing up.

If I want to walk, I gotta hunch over like friggin' Methuselah. Wednes no like.
If I want to stand up straight without crushing low back pain, I have to bend my knees. This is bullshit. My knee is bugging me less because I haven't been pedaling as much. But my back even hurts when I sit at my desk writing. Unacceptable.

If this keeps up, I'm actually going to talk to my doc about it. Honestly, I'm sure most of this is weight related. But I can't just be in constant pain because of it.

Crap.
wednes: (Really?)
Was planning on getting up at a reasonable hour and getting a bunch of work done. I'm still gonna get a bunch of work done--but mos def NOT because I got up at a reasonable hour. I'm having another goddamn kidney stone, and it has me hobbling around like a 90-year-old without a cane. Dang and Fie!
As such, I didn't get out of bed until about an hour ago, and will be heading back there soon replete with ibuprofen.
The lesson: I can have a few almonds on occasion--such as in a KIND bar. But buying that big bag of smokehouse almonds for me and H? Nope. That is right out.

Anyway, my lawyer client in Texas needs 4 new blogs by tomorrow. I have 2 things to write for AC, and a couple of Kinkly thinks I need to get done over the next week. It will help when it doesn't cause agony to sit in my desk chair.

Shark Week sucks now. I know I've been saying this every year for a while now, but it makes me so sad that it's become a fearfest of shark attacks. Looks like there are a few conservation shows this year. But the alternate 7-Days-of-Shark on NatGeo is still a damn sight better.

I'm off to drink more water and go back to bed. Owwie.
wednes: (The Horror Within)
The new site for The Horror Within is almost ready. Now that the foundation has been laid, it's just a matter of adding final graphics and organizing everything the way it needs to be. Then getting all the staff accounts ready. Oh, and I'll need some fiction to share with readers. Sad times, because I can't pay anyone yet. We'll be accepting reprints and actively seeking new authors. Plus I want to have novel chapters and interviews with up and coming writers and artists. That'll be good stuff!

My blood sugar has been kind of high. I was gonna buy an exercise bike, but found out that it's way cheaper to just buy the pedals and use them with a regular chair. I'm not really one for the fitness training. But something about having a sitting down job and sitting down hobbies has made me lazy as hell. So I'll be working on that, now that the pedals have arrived.

Going to the glasses emporium tomorrow to get an exam and new spectacles. I hope they have some I like. Our insurance went from awesome to lame, so the out-of-pocket promises to be hefty. I'll be sure to post a pic.

Having family visits next week, and some in July too. I hate having new people over to my apartment because it's such a filthy shithole. I really need to shampoo the carpets, but that's kind of a major and expensive undertaking. Plus, our vacuum, which we've had less than a year, is already making a terrible smell and not picking anything up. Fie!

Ow

May. 18th, 2015 12:11 pm
wednes: (Doctor Trust Me)
Behind on work, which is not really a surprise. Computer issues, health stuff going on, depression still not lifting.

Woke up today to find the elevator scene from The Shining...in my pants.
And if that's TMI, you obviously haven't been through middle-school sex ed yet and probably shouldn't be reading this blog. It's full of fucking swears.

Cut for Game of Thrones and Mad Men spoilers )
wednes: (Go Crazy?)
For anyone keeping track on whether or not I'll be taking Latuda--the new med my doc prescribed for me--I'm not. I was a little nervous about the side-effects, like causing crazy mania. H thought I should take it, because the doctor said so. I explained that psyche meds don't really work like that. It's not like a blood pressure med--where you can die if you don't take it. Anyway, I eventually agreed to give it a try.

Then I found out that it's $90 a month.
So I'm not gonna take it after all.
Funny thing is, $90 a month is actually very cheap for a non-generic psyche med. Personally, I know very few people who live with bi-polar disorder, clinical depression, or schizophrenia (all ailments Latuda is supposed to help with) who are financially solvent enough that a sudden $90 a month expense wouldn't cripple them. Of course, if I didn't have insurance it would be over $300 a month. Are there really people, even sane people, who can afford a sudden expense like that? That's almost half our rent.

In other news, I'm watching the crap out of House of Cards on Netflix. When we got the free Apple TV, I decided it would be neat to treat us to Netflix, since it's only $8 a month. It's already paid for itself over On Demand rentals. Plus I saw "It's Such a Beautiful Day" which is a cartoon that will totally make you cry.
House of Cards is insane, and much more murderous than I was expecting.

Still looking for a new gig. If you know anyone who needs a content creator, editor, English or writing tutor, or childcare giver for a kid older than 7--do let me know.
wednes: (Peanut Butter/Jelly)
Humidity is my kryptonite. I've always known this, but like many things, people kept telling me that the swelling, muscle cramps, backaches, and other symptoms I had would magically disappear as soon as I lost weight. Even as a young kid--like jr high and early high school I complained about shortness of breath, pains while running (or even speed walking) and was pretty much ignored. Turns out, some of that was from severe sleep apnea that was making me literally insane from lack of sleep. I also had terrible allergies that kept me from breathing freely basically between spring in Halloween.

All summer I'd been feeling physically tired and achey. Even when it was cool, it was humid as shit. I was terribly cranky and uncomfortable--changing my diet didn't fix it. Glucosamine, extra yoga, nothing seemed to help. Yesterday, I woke up feeling physically awesome and realized it's because the humidity plummeted. I began to ask myself why the hell I was still living in a state surrounded by water when humidity makes me so damn uncomfortable.

We're poor as hell, but we're looking toward moving to Colorado as soon as we can manage it. Granted, that probably won't be for another two or three years unless one of my many projects takes off.

Why Colorado? It's dry there, doesn't carry all the foolishness associated with places like Nevada or Utah. Pueblo Colorado was once the random information capitol of the world, since that's where you used to could send away for informational pamphlets before there was an internet.
There are 1,500 Ghost Towns in Colorado. That is fucking incredible, and I want to visit every last damn one of them. Michigan has less than 100 and they all suck.
Colorado has a pretty high cost of living in most places. I hear they're also kind of short on water. For some reason, they also seem to have a higher percentage of violent crime than the country at large. I wonder what's up with that? Radiation from the Stanley Hotel? Ha! Anyway, the money I'd save from growing my own pot would probably offset a lot of that.
Seriously though, I would feel awesome living in a low humidity place. H's job is such that he can transfer to pretty much anyplace--probably for a better wage. I work from home, of course, so that wouldn't matter.

Wouldn't that be neat?

Discouraged

Jul. 6th, 2014 05:05 am
wednes: (Sow the Seed)
I need to do something else.
But I don't know what.

I need to change...something.
Not exactly sure what that might be.

More often than not, I feel mentally and physically like crap. Sore, stiff, tired, stressed...I don't know. The docs don't know, but have suggested a diet pill which makes me think I need to look for a new doctor.
Prescribing stimulants to someone with bi-polar disorder is what a moron would do.
wednes: (NaNo Runner)
I've been pretty busy lately, and also somewhat sidelined by an injury. Last week I was cleaning the bathroom when my back suddenly seized for no apparent reason. It took me literal minutes before I could straighten it up. Then my left leg got a charley horse that lasted 5 days and hasn't completely gone away. Apparently, this is called "Sciatica" and is a friggin' pain in the ass, and the leg, and also specifically the calf. God DAMN it hurt. Came and went for no apparent reason. Calling the doc on Monday to find out WTF, even though it is slowly getting better thanks to time, stretching, and resting.
I am awesome at resting.

The Mag gets better and better with every issue. I'm still figuring shit out, and my conversions are not all they could be. The last issue had an annoying issue with the Contents page. I thought it was getting fixed, but then it went out unfixed. Still, that issue is full of strong material, cool art, and great features. I'd like to take on a book reviewer and a miscellany reviewer who can talk about TV, videogames, stuff like that. If you know anyone who wants to work for free and is awesome, do send them my way.

Under the cut is the cover for the February issue. )

I got offered a gig writing 10,000 word eBooks for $100. I thought about it, and realized that would be dumb. Ghost writing should pay a lot more than that. Then the proverbial lightbulb went over my head. I was gonna write this book about Customer Service--the Millicent Mixter book. But then the publishing house that was gonna publish it closed up shop and I was getting the freelance thing off the ground and then the mag happened...long story short, I never finished it. Right now it's a collection of notes, some partial sections, and a great outline.
I set myself up a schedule that, if I can stick to it, will have a solid draft by the end of March. Then there will be beta readers and hopefully some art for the inside and cover. Seems like it might be a good book for fall. But I don't want to rush it. I'm pretty excited about that. I'll even be able to lay it out myself. It'll be my first self-published book, and it won't even be dinosaur porn!

And now for something completely different...
wednes: (Sow the Seed)
My plan for yesterday was to get up, get a few hours of work done, then make dinner and hang out with H. We only get a few nights to hang out, so I look forward to them. Got up, got some work done. Suddenly, I felt like complete crap. Pain in my back and side, headache...I thought I might be having another kidney stone. That would be infuriating, since I gave up almonds, which I love.

A few minutes later, I got crazy chills. Like INSANE chills. I got into bed and put 2 blankets on myself. Still cold. H came in and doubled up the blankets. Still cold. He doubled up a comforter on me...so I had a doubled up blanket, a doubled up comforter, and a patch quilt on me. Still fucking cold. Luckily, H is a furnace, so he covered me with his mighty heat-releasing form. When it seems obvious that there would be no dinner and I wasn't getting out of bed, he turned on a DVD of Salem's Lot until I fell asleep.

Slept 4 hours. Woke up feeling better. Still not feeling tip top, and have no idea what that was all about. I do know that I've been incredibly stressed lately between work and my own fiction and now the magazine. I imagine my immune system is run down. It doesn't seem like a kidney stone now, nor does it seem like my ulcer is back. I kicked that ulcer's ass when I left my old day-job.

Now, of course, I can't sleep. This means I almost certainly won't be up in time to make H last night's dinner before he goes to sleep for work (about 2pm). Fie! He really wants it too, because it's mexican meat pie with polenta crust.
wednes: (Wednes Poison)
I don't leave the house much since I quit Ye Olde Day-Jobbe. When I say "not much" I mean pretty much never. Before today, when I went to the doctor, I hadn't left the house in roughly one month. That's crazy. Crazy. Even thought I know it sounds bizarre and unhealthy, I don't feel particularly inspired to make any changes on that front. Then I want to wonder why that is. People suck, going out costs money, and everyone can shut up. Yeah, that's why.

Even though I'm well aware that part of good health is luck, access, and a few other things people can't control--I feel pretty good being told that I'm healthy enough to omit some medication. They told me that last time too, so I'm slowly stopping drugs for everything that isn't bi-polar disorder. I've pretty much resigned myself to those--unless H dies. Then it'll be some kind of crazy-pants free-for-all. So yeah, HAES wins again.
And for the first time ever, when I said HAES to the nurse, she nodded like she actually knew what I was talking about. I wasn't sure she did though, so I started to ask her. She motioned to her full hips and round belly and said "Yes, I'm familiar with that philosophy." Good deal, since I almost had to go to the clinic that has the terrible nurses.

Getting ready to start the new audiobooks. We're using Audible/ACX for The Finster Effect, and then my audio guy and I are doing new complete audiobooks of S4S and KMLYLM--also through Audible. I'm stoked.

I wanted to try that Wen shampoo that's supposed to be awesome. However, $30 a month for shampoo is Right Out. So I'm trying a Walgreens knock-off Wen, now that it has finally arrived. Report to follow. I'm hoping I can continue to treat my hair like complete crap, while still letting it grow out. If I want to fulfill my dream of having long, grey hair, I should probably start conditioning now. I do notice than Wen says to use 4 giant handfuls of their product on my hair, whereas the knock-off stuff says just one handful.

Oh, and in case you missed the news, I broke down and got a Twitter. @WednesFri is me. I still don't know if Twitter is case-sensitive. I dig the concept of just blathering online to celebs like I would to my friends. A responsible person might only do that kind of thing while sober--but I think we all know better than to think *I* will do that. Brian Keene retweeted me yesterday. There seem to be a lot of tweeters who make it their mission to get retweeted by famous people. If I were famous, I would never EVER retweet anyone who asked. But the mere fact that I have an opinion on this already makes me look like kind of a tool.
wednes: (Jack Mocks)
So it's been a big long hassle with the medical supply place and the insurance company, and the sleep study people. Ultimately, it was a good idea to let the insurance cover the CPAP last year, and a terrible idea to let them cover it now. With last years plan, I'd have paid about the same as it would have cost me to buy a used machine. With this year's plan, I'm paying full price out of pocket for a brand new CPAP machine and all the accessories. That's right, full price.
Because even though we have insurance, our deductible multiplied by 4 this year. So they don't cover anything but prescriptions until we spend $4,000 of our own money.
Funnily, if we'd gone for the plan that actually covers stuff, the premiums would have been almost $500 a month. So this is actually a bargain. Because what couple doesn't have an extra $4 grand laying around? Most? Oh yeah...
We'll be making smaller payments from now til forever. I imagine by the time I pay the stupid thing off, it will no longer work and we'll have to get a new one. No one can seem to tell me what, if any, warranty it has.


In better news, the Spider story I wrote with my protege was accepted. He's getting his first professional writing credit. I'm really happy for him.

Hoping to have the Finster packet ready to send out by Monday. Sending to a way far long-shot publisher. But dammit, I want a professional advance so I can join HWA. I'm tired of not being in HWA.
Also working on the top-secret Blue Harvest project. Ha! Blue Harvest...
wednes: (Vyv ;-()
Some of you may remember that I had a pretty big freak out during H's open enrollment last November. H has been at his current gig for over 15 years and is not eligible for any more raises as he is "topped out." We didn't mind so much, because our biggest expenses were rent and my medical stuff. BCBS is supposed to be like winning the lottery of insurances.

BCBS used to offer us a decent plan. As long as a doc confirmed that I "really needed" something, I got it. That's how I finally got the mental, emotional, and medical help I needed. It's how I learned about my ulcers, my kidney-stones, and my random internal bleeding. It's also how I finally got the sleep study and CPAP I'd clearly needed since childhood.

I have memories of being 5 or 6 years old and not even being able to run for the school bus. I was tired my whole life. Because I was in the midst of such a warm wonderful family (sarcasm, dammit) I was constantly told I was "just lazy." I grew up thinking everyone felt like me, shitty and tired, but they pulled themselves out of it--and I didn't because I was SO lazy. When our appalling eating habits also made me fat, and that fat was then exacerbated by nearly a decade in the fast food industry--my body, and my credit were both pretty much ruined by the time I was 25. Yeah, there's more to that...but I digress.

It wasn't until I met H, and introduced a steady stream of love and support (and okay, income--not a lot of money, but I wasn't at risk of homelessness anymore) into life that it got any better. Having health insurance was a fucking godsend. Finally finding a doctor who didn't dismiss my rampant night terrors and hallucinations as "probably from smoking marijuana" (or saying it's brain damage and then not doing anything about it) and got me a damn sleep study. Turns out, I was damn near insane from lack of sleep, as I stopped breathing at least 80 times an hour.

I have the kind of apena that is hereditary. I've always had it, as has much of my family. Losing 200 pounds wouldn't make it go away. Even if it did, I'll probably need a good night's sleep before that happens. I've lost a bunch of weight since I got the CPAP, just because I'm awake and have energy.

Anyway, H's work used to offer 3 tiers of insurance: basic, medium, and fancy-pants. We couldn't afford the fancy-pants, but needed more than the basic.
They used to offer 3 plans: employee, employee plus spouse, and family.
We have no kids, so our choice was obvious.
FF to last year. They cancelled the medium plan, and canceled employee plus spouse. I worried that we'd have to cancel cable/internet/and one of our phones, which I didn't like, just to keep the insurance. I need the internet and cable to work. Turns out, that still wouldn't have been enough scrimping. We'd have needed to find a cheaper apartment, which would have meant an even worse neighborhood and MUCH farther for H to commute. Remember, we don't drive.

So...
We have basic insurance and are paying for a whole family even though there are only two of us. I learned today that since the insurance changed in January, they've been charging me over $100 a month to rent the CPAP. So now I have a bill for almost $700 that I can't remotely pay. AND since I won't be able to pay any further bills, I have to give the fucking thing back.

And to be perfectly honest, it's making me cry like a little kid.
Pretty sure my mom was in the room the last time I felt this helpless...
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
Dealing with yet another painful kidney stone. This one is taking damn near forever to find its way out of my person. Ow. I can only sit up straight for about 20 minutes at a time. Thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you's about it.

Expected I'd be hearing about the job sometime during business hours on Friday. Have not heard anything yet. Trying not to get too discouraged, but I'm feeling like they probably offered the job to someone yesterday and will let us rejects know next week. The more I replay the interview in my head, the less sure I am that I nailed it. At the same time, I tend to torture myself about such things.
As Marge Simpson said in Treehouse V, "We're just gonna have to wait and see."
I'm also thinking that whether I get this gig or not, I'm probably going to give notice at the day-job. Last time I went in I found out about something else terrible that they're doing. I've really had it with that place. Fo shiz.


In the mean time, I thank the gods for both recliners and Kindle. I do not thank them for making me check anchovies instead of mushrooms on my online pizza order. I wish anchovies no specific harm, but these were the big fishy ones. As it was the only topping I got on my white pizza, they kind of dominate.
Oh well...there's really no such thing as "bad" pizza, is there? Anyway, I'm just glad I can eat. I had one meal yesterday, and nothing since until tonight. At least the salad was delicious.
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
I am feeling better.

Had a work meeting with my boss (at my own behest). It was open, honest, and I left feeling much better than I did when I went in.

Meds seem to be evening out.

Got a nibble on a gig making those silly lists that people pass around on Facebook. The site looks like it's more pictures than words--and I frankly find those to be a pain in the ass. Still I'm gonna look it over and see if it's something I'll want to do. If the pay is okay, I could certainly create some funny lists. I'm the Egg McMuffin of pop culture and tend to be witty as fuck.
And I've always wanted to be professionally opinionated.

The sushi delivery place will be the end of me. If I had it, I could spend hundreds of dollars a week there. So much eel...

Mark was here for lunch today. Hamburger Pie.
Mmmmmm...

Well into the Matt Smith Doctor Whos (Ha! I almost wrote "Doctor Whose" which would be laughably ungrammatical.) They're pretty good. I asked H if the next two-parter was going to be emotionally draining--you know how they can kick your ass sometimes? He said I don't think so, no. Right. Because at the end of the two-parter Spoiler here, obiviously )

And lastly, I got a haircut. I had all the bleached hair cut off. My hair was normal brown for about 4 days. Now, not so much.

The blue is a lot of fun. And with just the one color, it's not really that weird. Besides, as a writer, I get to be eccentric even though I'm not rich. With that in mind:

There's a wee bit of pink as well.

Blecch!

Apr. 4th, 2012 05:12 pm
wednes: (Doctor Literally Too Stupid)
And no...I'm not posting about the Nirvana album of the same name.

Spent the last few days being sick, getting used to my new meds (phase one, as the dose is scheduled to double on Monday), and watching a fuckton of Doctor Who. We finished all the 10th Doctor Eps, which was very sad.

This 11th Doctor looks about 19 years old. Not sure what's up with that, since I already know he's almost 1,000. Not looking forward to a bunch of eps with this River Song. She's gonna look like his mother as far as I can tell...

Anyway, I've been slacking on work. Missed Monday at the day job, haven't put up a new ZZN post since my Walking Dead shark jump post. Have not sent out any new interview Q's.
On the plus side, I did my taxes. I'm working on an anthology sub, and I apply for at least one new freelance gig every day. Did a little crafty stuff yesterday. H and I are making some suncatchers to send to his grandparents. Thinking of using some wire and foil to see if I can design my own.

Hopefully this weekend I can write the summary for The Finster Effect and get that fucker submitted.

Angry

Mar. 20th, 2012 01:57 pm
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
As most of you regular readers know, my mom is a very angry person. Zero-to-pissed at the drop of a hat. Angry when someone uses a word or phrase she doesn't know, furious when anything doesn't go as planned--no matter how minor; flies into a rage over anyone daring to disagree--infinitely worse if someone dares to suggest that she's wrong about something, and catagory 5 tornado of rage if she actually turns out to be wrong. When I was a kid, she threw a swingline stapler at my face because I said Ally Sheedy was a brunette in The Breakfast Club even though she's a redhead in real life. I know...clearly something you need to do violence to your kid over, right?

I've been feeling angry for well over a year now. My usual mode is sarcasm. Most of what I encounter (granted, this is home, work, friends, shopping, and the internet--all pretty irritating) ends in my feeling somewhere between annoyed and incensed. It doesn't just affect my feelings. It affects my real work, my stupid-day-job that I hate, and everything else I need to do. I've stopped leaving the house for all non-essential activities--I don't even go grocery shopping anymore. I can't get into a car without constantly thinking of hurling myself out of it while it's moving (though this is more of an express way thing, not around down). Last night I thought about what would happen if I smothered H with a pillow so he wouldn't have to put up with my crap. (No, I'm not actually going to do it.) That's the same rationale that mommies use when they drown their kids in a bathtub, or drive them over a bridge.

I don't mind telling you, that scares the crap out of me. If I was still single and sans insurance, I'd get myself admitted to inpatient psyche. I clearly need it. I can feel an utter emotional collapse coming on. As it is, inpatient psyche for even a week would wipe out our entire savings. Every last bit and then some. So I'm stuck. And guess what? That makes me angry too.


In other news, The Walking Dead sucks. Fuck those guys. I'm putting my Evil Dead article on hold so I can write about this in detail for ZZN.

I'm delighted to hear that the feds are now involved in Trayvon Martin's murder. All you pricks who went on and on over KONY don't seem to give a shit about an American kid who got murdered by some neighborhood watch loon who calls the cops every time a neighbor sneezes. This kind of goes back to my earlier point about how fucked up everything gets when people can't get the mental health treatment they need.
And the Obama spokesman who said the White House doesn't want to be involved? Seriously? We invade liberate and free every oil-infested country in the whole damn world--but when a young kid is murdered for the heinous crime of buying candy in a posh neighborhood--suddenly we don't want to be involved?
I call bullshit on that.
wednes: (Vyv ;-()
I'm in my 40's. I can remember a time when that seemed ridiculously old. I can remember learning that my grandfather was *gasp* 54 and it seemed like the oldest thing in all of time.

Not having kids means I get to continue to live like a teenager in many ways, despite my advanceD decrepitude. And face it, decades of sloth and gluttony have indeed rendered me a bit less jaunty than other peeps my age. I'm working on strength training so I can eventually get into the house of horrors that is Cardio. But yeah, for a 40-something, I feel pretty tired, sore, and old.

That said...I learned today that another friend of mine is dying due to one of those things that people blame on fatness, AND/or "not taking care of yourself." I've not seen this dude in years, so I have no idea what his habits are. But he's a Big Guy, which means there's always some douchebag who will blame bad health on being heavy with absolutely no other facts.

It scares the hell out of me knowing that people my age are dying from this kind of shit. My right foot has been numb, which gives me constant nightmares about doctors coming in to cut it off in the night. My knees are bad, and it's difficult for me to get up off the floor by myself. I'm not ready for LifeAlert or anything, but the very idea that I could fall and take 20 seconds or more to stand back up again? Yikes. Fucking...yikes. I mean, what if I couldn't stand up at all? I can't even imagine.
wednes: (Shaun/Beatin')
When I was a kid, my mom never felt well. She was constantly complaining about her head, her stomach, feeling tired, sick, etc. And even as a kid I was like "You live on Mountain Dew, potato chips and Sudafed, of course you feel like ass." Since her mom died young, she would talk a lot about how she didn't want to also die young. Fun fact: she hasn't.

However...
I don't do those things. I eat a variety of fruits and veggies, though I'm also heavy on the meat and carbs. I exercise, I get enough sleep (especially now, thank you CPAP!) and avoid caffeine, booze, cigs, and hard drugs. I drink plenty of water. Still...I feel like crap more often than not. Headaches, soreness/stiffness, stomach and digestive crap. It seems like I never stop complaining about how I feel. I'm sick of it. And I'm really terrible at suffering in silence. I'm pretty loud about it.

This is why I've been slowly working with docs recently to try and get things looked at and figured out. Maybe I expect too much. Having a CPAP isn't going to make me never feel tired again. My blood pressure being in a healthy range (finally) is not the same as me actually being fit enough for strenuous activity. Finally being on bi-polar meds isn't going to mean I'm never sad, depressed, or manic again. And avoiding some of my moms more heinous qualities is not really doing that much to prevent me from turning into her.

I sometimes wonder if the real reason I never got around to having kids was my paralyzing fear of being like her. I mean, everything else I ever wanted to do, I eventually did or am working on now. I don't know if I'm tired and sick, or just sick and tired. I hate my day-job so much, it makes me angry every time I wake up and realize I have to come here. I hate the fact that I have to have a job like this, AND how much they just don't give a crap about people who do what I do. Hate. But I also don't want to write for companies that are evil--and evil companies seem to be always hiring. *sigh*
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
H and I watched the remake of Fright Night last night. It was damn entertaining, and I figure I'll probably buy it at some point. Clever writing, good cast, great Chris Sarandon cameo. I do enjoy when vampires are actually played for scares, rather than say, sparkly homoeroticism. Even the Anne Rice stuff doesn't really hold up now that I'm not an angst-ridden pre-emo teen.
You ever see those Tex Avery cartoons where the wolf is looking at the girl, howling and slapping the table--eyes bugging out across the room? That's how I felt about David Tennant in this movie. Fo Shiz.

Girl-H is back home to PA. She's not thrilled, and will probably be leaving the country again soon. I suspect that she's undergoing the same thing I went through after college--wherein the family has this "Oh, so you think you're better than us now?" attitude. Girl-H is as gentle and good-natured as my H, so she doesn't deserve that shit. I sincerely hope it's not also some crap about Grace wanting to shut out kids from her previous marriage(s). H and Girl-H don't have the same Dad, and Grace is not married to either of their Dad's currently. Odd for someone who had to walk out of my wedding for its terrible pagan leaning. But I digress...

Writer Resume is looking good. Applying for no less than three jobs I have a decent shot at. Am def making this a regular thing. The day-job is making it pretty clear than any bump in pay we get will be tiny and grudgingly given. To give some perspective, my understanding is that cost-of-living increase is roughly 3% a year. My raises have been 2% every-other year. So if I stay with the company for 10 years, I'll be making a dollar an hour more than when I started--only I'll be doing at least 3x as much work, with less training and shitty software. Every year they make it more and more clear that expertise, skill, etc, means basically nothing to them. Their newest crappy idea is that everybody should be able to take calls for every department. So yeah, I long for the day that I can give notice in the manner of that guy from Half Baked. ;-]

My USB mic came in today. It's a cheap one, meant to work with my newly received copy of Dragon Dictate, courtesy of my buddy in Battle Creek. *waves* I didn't really think it through, because it hadn't occurred to me that I won't be able to listen to music while I write if I'm using DD. Or maybe I could, but I'd have to wear headphones. I have to look into it. But anyway, my cheap mic is here.

Have a new Yoga setup on the way. A good mat, some blocks, and a new fat-chick doing Yoga DVD. Looking forward to getting into that. Girl-H also bought me some headphones that will be arriving soon. So I guess I'm just Little Miss Gettin' Stuff. heh.

Oral surgeon appt was a bust. $25 in cabs to find out that they don't call you when they're running 2+ hours behind. As I don't have all fucking day, I rescheduled for next week. Then I got home and remembered that I'm working on both my days off next week. So I guess I'll be rescheduling again.

Decided I enjoyed American Horror Story so much, I'm going to buy it when it comes out on DVD. I am so excited to have a series that really respects horror fans. Next season, new locale and an all-new cast. Please, AHS, don't let me down. And Walking Dead? Your ass is still skating on thin ice, your badass finale notwithstanding. Speaking of badass finales, how much did the last seconds of Dexter Season Six kick your ass? I know, right? Easily the best season finale since LOST went off the air (I'm thinking of S1 and S3 finales in particular).
wednes: (Elephant on Trampoline)
On Thursday night, I finished the last of the big edits for The Finster Effect. Turns out, it's less about zombies than about the fact that I don't care for organized religion. I didn't realize how pissed I was until I got to the end. I'm reading it over tonight one more time, and then giving it to the new publisher tomorrow. I'm stoked!

I'm kinda mad today because I had a weird conversation last night with an old friend. I'll cut it, because it got long ) I guess I'm not used to having the kind of life people are jealous of--especially given that if anything happened to H, I'd be living in a shipping container by year's end. hahahahaha...yeah, like I could really afford my own shipping container.

Anywhoo, my Kindle Touch is still not here. Expected delivery date: 2 days ago. Still waiting. Chatted Amazon up last night and got them to give me a $15 shipping refund--which I actually had to haggle for. They're like "Well, I see that part of your order arrived on time" and I'm like "Yeah, the charger and the case for the Kindle--which isn't here!"
Refund accomplished. Yay! I spent part of that green on Shufflers by James L Grant. Then I realized I already had a pdf of it. Enjoy my money, you tricky bastard!

Honore, H's lovely sister, is coming to town one week from today, and staying for over 2 weeks. I don't typically tolerate guests for so long, especially because our place in tiny. But Girl-H is so awesome. She's an excellent guest, not annoying at all. Doesn't expect me to entertain her even. And she loves JoJo. Then again, how could anyone NOT love JoJo?

Jokes:

Q. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. the Holocaust

Q. How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
A. None.
wednes: (Wednes in 1985)
Another birthday.
So goes my stubborn refusal to die.

I can't shuffle off this mortal coil until I finish this book. It's THAT good.

What did I do this year? Let's make a list.
Bitches love lists.

1. Kept my day job. That was a close one.

2. Picking Brains with Wednesday Lee Friday has been awesome. I've interviewed some amazing people; and zombie fans are starting to notice who the hell I am--which is good, because I have a zombie novel coming out.

3. The new book. It's awesome. I won't belabor the point.

4. New publisher who is ready to drop some serious marketing behind me. And there was much rejoicing.

5. Finished the first Angry Birds. If you knew how bad I suck at video games, you'll know that's fucking amazing.

6. Figured out why I've needed a nap since approximately 1994. CPAP machine slowly making life better and me more productive. HAES lifestyle also progressing well.

7. I have a real, live relationship with my brother. He's awesome.

8. Aside from being poor, my life is awesome. H is the perfect man for me. Really. The perfect one. That such a thing would happen to me is fucking mind boggling. For serious.

9. Party Saturday night. That may not seem like an accomplishment. But I gotta tell you, I throw a party every year and a bunch of amazing people always show up. I don't like to throw around the word "blessed" for many reasons, but it seems like the perfect word to describe the people I am fortunate enough to know and love and be loved by. You've come a long way, [personal profile] wednes!

10. Became comfortable enough with myself that I can post unstaged, uncropped pics of myself online, as referenced here.

Unprimped, unretouched, uncropped, pic wherein I didn't even brush my hair. That's how little I care.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving! We're having salmon with horseradish sauce and mashed potatoes with bacon and cheddar cheese. You know, like the pilgrims would have. Hold the smallpox.
wednes: (Shaun/Beatin')
Don't you just hate it when two joyous events happen on the same day?
Luckily that doesn't apply to Veterans Day, or really Nigel Tufnel Day.
Honestly though, if everyone posting about how great Veterans are would actually do something to help them, I think they'd appreciate that a lot more than a bunch of self righteous internet posts. Yes, I appreciate the irony of my posting about that, but I do send regular care packages to anonymous soldiers. In fact, H is kinda pissed about how much money I spend on it since I do it about every other month. I'm told the folks in those god forsaken deserts miss things like Irish Spring or Ivory soap, Skin so Soft, vegas hooker catalogs, gel ink pens, jolly ranchers, new books and movies, etc. Our country gives a lot of talk about Veterans, but once they come home, nobody gives a shit about them and they end up homeless, insane, or generally low functioning since they rarely get the treatment and support they need. /End rant.

I'm behind on the book. Big surprise, no? It's taking a lot longer than I was expecting. But this book needs to be awesome. If every book isn't better than the one before it, then what's the fucking point?
Yesterday was Jack Ketchum's birthday. I gotta say, thinking about people like Jack Ketchum (or Christopher Moore for that matter) is rather discouraging. I know intellectually that comparing myself to other writers is a recipe for disappointment. But damn, why even bother writing books when so many incredible books already exist?

Made a Kugel. My first one ever.
I'll pause for a mo so you can all make a Kegel Exercise joke.
There, done? Good, let's continue.
I thought it would be more like a custard pudding with noodles. It's actually more like a cheesecake. I think I used a casserole that was too thin, or else I overcooked it. It's dry and needed cream on top to be moist and tasty. Plus, there's a lot of it. Anybody like Kugel? Do come by my place this weekend for the eating of it. It has tart dried cherries and it pretty tasty.

Still sick and congested. Suck.
wednes: (MamaCass)
Still sick.
Scratchy throat, runny nose, voice mostly there but it hurts to talk.
I'm not gonna let that stop me though. My thinking is that it's NOT the flu shot making me sick. I'm basing that on the fact that H is also sick as of yesterday afternoon. So, hopefully we will both be well soon. I'm working today and tomorrow at the day-job, but H is off until Weds.
Customers are getting on my last nerve already. The weekend was slow, but a few terrible customers. Why do people think screaming will get me to send you free stuff? It won't. In fact, it makes me dig in my heels and not give you things I would normally give to people when they're being polite.

I got precious little work done over the weekend.
Couldn't even watch Boardwalk Empire last night because HBO Go is a bitch full of suck.
Too bad too, because Nucky's family is totally turning on him. That's the kind of stuff that can only happen on TV. See what I did there? Hahahahahaa!

In other news, our medical bills are giant. Just got another bill telling me I don't owe the dentist $50, which I was totally worried about coming up with. Actually, we owe them $300 for reasons I am still unsure of. If it turns out to be for the Xrays they lied to me about, we are going to have a problem.
My CPAP mask hurts my face, but it's $120 to try the other kind. *sigh* If anyone tells you our health care system is fine, they're obviously rich. Please push them and take their money. Ha! Oh, c'mon. It's a JOKE. Whenever you give me THAT look...it's a joooooke. You know, like electrocuting Mexicans. Lulz. Someone on FB last night suggested that if people don't like their health coverage, they should negotiate it themselves away from a company. Joke is, once you have insurance and then switch, anything you were ever diagnosed with is now a "pre existing condition" which means they can't give you medical care/coverage because you are NOT physically well.

You guys ready for another shitty year of deceitful politics and idiots flaming away online?
Yeah...me neither, but there doesn't seem to be much choice. I can say that if OWS is still happening after the (lame, gregorian) new year, I'm totally going. The cops should have all their anger worked out by then, or at least their beating arms will be too tired to pack much of a whallop.

TV season is still pretty great.
Never Fear, Dexter. I see the light in you.
wednes: (Sir Graves)
Or it will be until the end of the month.
I'm supposed to be designing some posters for work for H to print, but silly me, I'm too busy working on that book that's coming out in like, 6 months. Eep! I did buy a small strobe-light and a heap of black construction paper. Our theme is...well, it's top secret. But it's something I specialize in, so if you know me, you can probably guess. I'm also doing my costume to reflect said theme.

Dexter is kicking my ass this season. Great violence and kills, superb plot development, it really looks like they're going to get me to love Deb before they kill her.
Funny thing, when I watch a 1st season Sopranos episode, James Gandolfini looks really, really young compared to how he looks at the end (when he dies). Dexter still looks exactly the same as he did in the first season...and this is season SIX. Wow, right? Even more amazing considering that he had a bunch of health issues.
Will finally watch the new Boardwalk Empire when I get home tonight.

My birthday party shall be the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It is my hope that Honore, H's sister, will be back from Korea by then. Should be a grand affair with yummy food and wonderful company. Not that anyone should feel compelled, but I'm telling anyone who asks that the idea gift is an Amazon gift card. I really, really want a Kindle fire. Really. And a carrying case. And some new stuff to read. I've been wanting to read Under the Dome forever and can't even hold the damn thing in my aching hands.

CPAP and I are starting to get along. My compliance is awesome. The pillow with the cut-outs is good, and my heated tubing will be here in a week or so. Feeling less tired, though I wouldn't say I feel more awake just yet.

Trying my hand at making a Noodle Kugel soon. Would have made it yesterday, but we couldn't find dried cherries at the grocery store, which the recipe calls for. I suppose I could substitute with raisins, but why the hell would anybody want a raisin when they can have a dried cherry? Exactly. I have some coming, much more than I need in fact. Will probably make muffins or something with them for the holidays.
Vanilla Extract is coming right along. Lavender for that extract is here, but I forgot to buy vodka at the store. Luckily, that one will only take about a week.
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
At the day job. It's slow, and stupid, and that chick who irritates me is both here, and irritating me. I really want to leave, but I don't think they'll have enough coverage without me. I did manage to pawn off my training on someone else. So that's good at least, part of the job of having awesome coworkers.

So I got the CPAP setup. I must say, they gave me the most high tech stuff available to the average person. Nice, quiet machine, humidifier, adjustable ramp setting. The mask is reasonably comfortable, for what it is. In practice, it's incredibly uncomfortable to sleep with a mask on my face. I can't sleep on my stomach, and can't really sleep on my side--though that may change when my fancy-pants CPAP pillow gets here. Not the kind that attaches to a hose, but a regular one with hunks cut out so the mask doesn't smash into my face. Anyway, I've used the CPAP for two nights in a row and I'm still fucking tired. I'm also queasy and was nauseous and pukey this morning. Awesome. Plus, my yogurt went bad and my fruit cup tasted like raspberries.
I hate raspberries, plus they make me break out.

Book signing tomorrow. Hope I'm not feeling this crappy, tired, cranky, etc.
Still not sure what I'm going to wear. Not really caring too much. Campus is such a strange and different place now than when I was there. But even saying that makes me feel old as hell.

Politics are giving me a rash. I seriously want to punch anyone who thinks Herman fucking Cain is a good choice. Romney is a wiley trickster who changes direction like wind off a lake. Not sure where all the Kerryesque OMG he said one thing in the 80's and another thing NOW--Arrrrggh he's a FLIP FLOPPER omg NOES!1!!1! And I'm not just talking about health care versus poor people dying from tooth decay or the flu; I'm talking about pro-choice versus anti-choice; and govt mandated religious crap versus separation of church and state. And of course, Perry is a Bush Jr Jr. Bachman is batshit insane, and was even before her new statement about wrist slicing in solidarity against health care reform. Because taxes are slavery until her husband's "pray the gay away" clinic needs funding.

Walking Dead is back on Sunday.
Should be interesting to see how badly they fucked it up.
Getting rid of Darabont as showrunner could very well be a fatal error.
wednes: (Jack Mocks)
Work is teh suck.
I'm soooooo tired.
Columbus Day, which is--if you'll pardon the expression, totally fucking lame.
Even dumbass undereducated Americans who fear the metric system almost as much as the Euro should be over having a holiday for a liar and wanna be slave trader. Then again, people are still clamouring to put Reagan's treasonous mug on our money.
Jackassery abounds in my beloved country.

I imagine you tire of hearing this, but I'm tired.
Fuckin' A, I'm tired.
CPAP appointment is on Weds, and I might just sleep right through until I have to come back to this crapshack. This crapshack being my day-job.
Found out the exact numbers for the new insurance premiums. It seems like a no brainer that we would roll the dice with the crappier coverage. Otherwise, our monthly payment would more than double. BUT, I'm not sure what's gonna happen with the CPAP machine. If I can't buy it before the insurance changes Jan 1st, we might have to pay for the rental ourselves next year. I still don't know why it's so difficult to get even the most basic information about coverage and how much this stuff is going to cost. It's like keeping us in the dark is their first line of offense.

Speaking of which, I need to find a new dentist. I've been progressively more pissed with the fact that I scheduled a cleaning and they would only clean HALF my mouth. I'm going back week after next so they can do the other half--for the co-pay for another office visit. Then the next visit, they want to do one filling at a time, so I'd have to come back 3 more times. At $80 an office visit, I think I'll pass. I have to go back once for the rest of the cleaning. After that, they can kiss my ass. Great Expressions, indeed. Plus they were totally rude to me about the fact that I've not been for over a year. Is it really that unusual that a person wouldn't have an extra couple hundred dollars handy for the dentist?

Wanted to put up a new ZZN article this week, but didn't.
I can't freaking concentrate on anything real.
Most distressing.
wednes: (X-files)
Blessed Yom Kippur to those who celebrate.
Hope your contemplation is productive.

I am, sadly, at the day job all day until 5pm. Ordering deli food for lunch to keep myself in a happy, junk food infused mood. Working a long shift on Saturday tends to make me want to snack all day long. Not sure what's up with that.

Still behind on the book. So what else is new, right? Concentration and focus are still not happening. Drank a giant (okay, Wendy's calls it their "medium" but it's well over 3 serving sizes) coke last week. That was the only time in weeks I've felt peppy and focused--until it wore off and I had to go right to bed. Drag. REALLY don't want to get back into the trap of caffeine. I hate that shit, and do not wish to be that kind of addict ever again.

Next week is a book signing during homecoming at my alma mater. My Arch Writing Nemesis will be there. Okay, he's not really my nemesis, he's a guy I went to college with who was always destined to be a more popular and successful writer than me. He has a giant fan base, a Wikipedia entry, and has been on the NYT best seller list. Isn't that just a kick in the nuts? No, not really. Irritatingly enough, he works his ass off at it; so I can't even grumble about how some people get everything in life handed to them for the asking because he totally didn't. He's still super nice, helpful, supportive, and emphatically NOT one of those "head up his ass" types. Plus, he's in the HWA. I want to be in the HWA.
It so happens that I caught up with him in about 1997. He gave me a hard copy of a book he wrote. After reading it, I was so jealous I couldn't even see straight. Not only was it a fast paced, innovating, marketable book--but he wrote it back when I was still working shitty retail jobs, smoking bushels to kind bud, and search desperately for someone who'd want to marry me. I felt so profoundly untogether and he was already doing to great--and this was BEFORE he invented the audiobook podcast. Fucker!
My plan is to sit next to him at the signing, smile, and tell everyone who walks by that "I'm a writer too." They're giving him the prestigious alumni award. The only award they'd give me is person who flipped the bird the most times in a single yearbook. Ha!
Which is why I always say that comparing yourself to other people is the quickest road to misery. Besides, when I see him, I can totally get him to sign some copies of his books.

CPAP machine will be mine, hopefully on Weds.
It will be mine.
Oh yes, it will be mine.
wednes: (TV!!!)
Still no word from the CPAP supplier. I am totally ready to get this show on the road. I'm super excited to start getting real sleep, to stop hallucinating (for the record, it's only fun if you're doing it on purpose), and to be able to fucking focus.

Went through all the chaps for a major storyline in The Finster Effect. Still have a way to go, but it's getting better all the time. Put up a new ZZN interview even though I'm behind on sending out Q's. I really need to get my shit together on that. I blame the new TV season for being a terrible time suck.

New Dexter kicked ass. Now that I look at each season as a question posed to Dexter that he must find an answer for, the seasons take on a whole new shape. I do grow weary of the season-long story arc that revolves around one specific guest star--still, I love to watch. I'm especially excited as I really do think/hope that they will kill Deb this season. She irks the hell out of me, so that would be great.

Boardwalk Empire is still pretty great. I find it tricky to keep all the characters straight. And somehow, Dominic Chianese was in last nights ep and I didn't notice him. Odd. I swear though, counting Daily Show/Colbert, and Sunday Night FOX, that's an awful lot of TV I've been watching. Hopefully once I can concentrate and focus, TV will enthrall me less.

Book signing on the 15th at my Alma Mater. I don't really want to do this as much as I did when I agreed to it. Here's hoping it does not suck and that I don't lose money on it.
wednes: (Heston Sings)
Splurged on a haircut since I hadn't had a real one in almost a year. Tried a new salon. I did a lot of research to try to find a place I'd feel comfortable at. Truthfully though, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the whole salon thing. While I do like to have a grown-up haircut, I don't like to be surrounded by people who think fashion high end frou frou crap is important. This salon was nice, but odd. For the shampoo, I had to lie all the way back on a massage-type table. It felt kinda...full body participation for a shampoo. The chick was great, really young and excited that I was going so short. It's damn short, but I'm at work so I can't put up a pic. There's one on Facebook though that I put up last night. Anyway, $45 later, I have nice hair that I actually have to use product on.

Found out that the monthly payment on a Smart Car is less than I'm paying in cabs to get back and forth to work. I think I've had enough EMDR that I might be able to handle a bit of city driving so long as I'm going someplace where I know the area. I dunno though. It's scary, but we have to figure out a way to save money. Our ONLY regular splurge is the cable, and if we cut that and only keep the internet, it only saves us about $50 a month.

This morning, H let me know that our insurance is changing. They are getting rid of the plan for married couples with no kids. So we have to pay for a whole family. Plus, they are eliminating our tier, so we can either pay $250+ more every month for a slightly smaller deductable, or just take the plan for catastrophes and pay more for absolutely everything. At first, I was pissed. When I realized that $250+ a month was the money we were putting aside for a house, I just started sobbing. We both work. We both have degrees. H has been with his company for 15 years and has called off less than 5 times. They're still screwing him. My work offers insurance, but to get a decent rate, they actually make people go to Weight Watchers if they are fat. They pay for the fees, but I'd have to find a way there and back, since you can't do it online--nevermind the fact that it's none of my work's fucking business how much I weigh or how I got that way. I'm sick to death of trying hard and doing my best, and still getting smacked the fuck down. And I don't even want to complain about it because it makes H feel terrible.

Waiting for the call for the CPAP. Apparently my apnea is life threatening--so bad I could potentially go on disability for it--you know, if they still had that in my state. The thinking is that we can buy the machine and all the stuff we need and it should be under $1,000. That's provided the insurance covers it--I'm told BCBS is dicking people around about it, so I won't know for sure until they call me. I've been told they may not cover a purchase, just a rental of the machine. This means after the insurance changes, they may not cover it at all. Not entirely sure why we're giving them thousands of dollars a year so we can be completely at their mercy.

Um...Obama...I always stand up for you.
How about you stand up for us?
I know the GOP guys are scary and baffling in their hatred of the people who vote for them, but c'mon. I'd really like to be able to retire someday...and you know, not die.
wednes: (Elephant on Trampoline)
So...Sly Stone is homeless and living in a van--presumably down by the river. This is sad. One of the articles I read said that this is "by choice." While I do think there are people who prefer not to be unconstrained by trappings like a home and stuff, I don't think that's the case here. People who love being nomads are unlikely to cram everything they can carry into a van and then live in it. Plus, Sly was a huge drug addict for many years. Often, addicts are loathe to admit that they've lost control of their lives--the tacit assumption is that it proves everyone right when they say you have no control. Poor Sly. Let's hope the new album gets him back on his feet and out of his van down by the river.

H wanted to check out Terra Nova on FOX. So we did. It was okay, rather predictable. It stars the guy from the craptastic American version of Life on Mars. It also has a chick who played a tree-person on Doctor Who. But yeah, nothing special. Jurassic Park meets some kind of family drama sci-fi business. *yawn* Funny, because Senor Speilbergo is also producing Falling Skies--another overdone concept done reasonably well from an FX standpoint.

I sometimes wish I could obliterate my memories of all the TV and movies I've ever watched. Media might be more enjoyable if it was all new to me.

Tomorrow I'm finally having a dentist look at the Xrays I had taken last month. Also going back to get fitted for my CPAP mask. Still impossible to find out what anything is going to cost. From online research, I have a sense of how much the equipment costs, but no clue how much of it we'll actually have to pay out of pocket for. Everyone is telling me to be aggressive and not settle for sub-par equipment. Point taken. The thing I gotta strap to my face before bed every night should be of good quality. Got it. If I was Canadian instead of American, it wouldn't even be an issue. *sigh*

Boardwalk Empire Premiere: Great
Criminal Minds Premiere: Apology Accepted. Now let's never speak of this again.
New Radiohead Album: It's my Jam.
wednes: (Peanut Butter/Jelly)
Thanks to Canadian "rocker" Mike Reno for that rhyming tip.
It's Saturday, and I'm at the day job. As it happens, I switched shifts so a co-worker could hang out with their family. Said co-worker hooked me up with a lovely card and some gourmet cupcakes. Sweet! And a good thing too, seeing as how I came in this morning to find half a box of Pop Tarts totally pilfered. I'm not even leaving the good granola bars in my desk anymore, given the shocking frequency with which they are taken.

Had my sleep study, which was torture. Awful I tells ya, just awful. The people were very nice and professional. The room was really chilly--good sleeping weather. Nice comfy bed, H got to stay with me for a long time, TV with cable (though no Comedy Central--B to the S), and everything made for shall we say...the kingly sized. Seriously, it had the biggest toilet I have ever seen. H took pics of the bevy of cameras, and me with tons of crap strapped to me. Sadly, I'm at work and don't have the pics with me, so you cannot see them yet.
Falling asleep was nigh onto impossible, I finally took a whole sleeping pill around 2am. I can't sleep on my back, and even attempting to flip over or onto my side let to the wires pulling out of my legs--necessitating a visit from the nurse, who turns the damn lights on. Plus, it felt like being strangled the whole time I was lying down. Even on just a few hours of sleep, it was totally obvious that I have sleep apnea and am at constant risk of imminent death. But I don't want to over-dramatize. ;-]
Scheduled for a follow-up this week to get fitted for a mask and such. Not sure how all the equipment and stuff is gonna work out with the insurance, so we shall see.

Been sleeping a ton all week. So. Tired. Expecting to have tons of energy and focus once I get all this breathing nonsense under control. Good thing to, as I'm behind with pretty much everything. Interviews, novel, even work for the day-job. Lame.

Watched The Perfect Host with David Hyde Peirce. My gods, it was delightful. A little overplotted in some places, especially toward the end. But the bulk of the film was just a joy to behold. Really wonderful, unexpected, a great black comedy.
wednes: (Peanut Butter/Jelly)
Been thinking in the shift in how I spend my time online. As it happens, I'm on Facebook more than anywhere else. That's not necessarily how I want it; it's just where everyone is. I still pop by DW/LJ, and I hit up Google+ mainly to wait for people to show up. I haven't figured out how to get a decent feed that shows posts in chronological order. That might help. I don't like that I can't go back and find Facebook conversations I had a month ago. I don't like how much information I'm entering but have absolutely no control over. I can't put my finger on my fear--since I'm not really hiding anything from anyone. I just have a feeling that all this sharing is going to come back to bite me later, and I'll wonder how the hell I ever could have been so stupid and naive. After all, humanity is always coming up with new and terrifying ways to exploit the vulnerable for profit.

Watched both parts of Appropriate Adult, the BBC movie about Fred and Rosemary West. As far as I know, I've read or watched all available material on this case. Godawful parents are a speciality of mine. This movie didn't come close to the true horror of the case, the family, the crimes, the victims. Emily Watson, the chick from Red Dragon, was the main character, as some sort of civilian helper for criminals--some kind of barely trained social worker I guess. She was great in it, but the movie itself was just a big dud. It implied that all sorts of facts about the case weren't known--stuff I'd already read about years ago. I don't get it, and I didn't like it.
The most striking thing to me was the treatment of the main characters partner (live-in bloke but not married). He was bi-polar and went off his meds. So the MC calls an ambulance and says "My partner's bi polar and has gone off his meds. He's having a manic episode." So the ambulance picks him up, takes him to a nice hospital where he has a private room. He stays there until he's better. And when he gets out, his job is waiting for him with no reprimand or judgement whatsoever. He starts taking his meds again, and everyone moves on. As an American, that knocks me on my ass. How much healthier would our country be on the whole if we had such a reasonable attitude about helping the mentally ill? How many less people would be in prison? How many less drug addicts who deteriorate slowly over years of dysfunction and unhappiness? What am I saying? If Facebook is any indication, people can't even agree that gay people should be allowed to be gay--let alone that people are still worthy of dignity even though they're mentally odd.

Scaling back on everything but The Finster Effect, as I am in the home stretch. No more freelancing for a bit. May even skip a podcast, we shall see. TFE is shaping up nicely, just like I keep saying.

New TV season starts soon. Yay! This season, I'll be watching
(or at least saving to the DVR or catching On Demand):
Criminal Minds
Dexter
Boardwalk Empire
The Walking Dead (I know...I can't resist)
Person of Interest
Sunday night FOX
and we'll probably keep going with Falling Skies whenever that comes back, midseason I'd guess. H also wants to start downloading Fringe.

Sleep Study on Wednesday. They were supposed to send me some paperwork that still hasn't arrived. I called, and they sent me a link to download it, saying that it often doesn't arrive until the day before. Front page, it says you have to give 48 hours notice to cancel (everywhere else on earth it's 24 hours). If you don't, they charge you $200 out of pocket. Fine, fair enough. But if that's the case, shouldn't they be telling you that within 48 hours of your appointment? *sigh* As my great-grandpa used to say That's how they gitcha!

New Zombie Zone News interview is up. This week: James L Grant. Some of you local types may know him as [personal profile] flemco. He's what my mom would call "mouthy," which made for a great interview.
wednes: (TV!!!)
As I am not at the day-job tomorrow, I am still up. Just finished the True Blood finale. Holy hell, I'd just like to say What the fucking hell kind of (spoilery) way is that to end a season? ) Onward to new seasons of Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, Criminal Minds, and that new show with Michael Emerson. Yeah!

My Frank Darabont Walking Dead article is up over to the Zombie Zone News. I also have a 9/11 thingy up at yahoo, but I'm feeling kind of 9/11'd out. I was mostly pleased that I finally convinced yahoo that my byline was, in fact, a name I use normally.

Took our new telescope out for a test toast. H got his 15 years at his job, so they let him pick a present from this showcase showdown website. Since he doesn't wear jewelry, play golf, or need new luggage, we went with a telescope. Apparently, all the eye pieces they gave us were too strong to see close stuff easily--like the moon. We did get a peek at Jupiter, which had bands on it but no discernable red spot. H is very into it, which is cool. Mega thanks to the skyward expertise of [profile] peteralway.

I'm still behind on stuff. Gonna be taking some time off my interview segments and freelancing so I can work on the book. Finishing it is pretty daunting, especially when I'm not getting any real sleep. I suspect that the new bed is exacerbating the apnea, which is why the symptoms are worse than they've ever been. Sleep study is on the 21st, and I hope I can get a machine without too much dicking around. New podcast will go up tomorrow, even though I meant to get it up today. Oops.
wednes: (Count Thumps Edward)
Sick to death of the internets, so I'll be taking the rest of the day off, methinks. Growing weary of the idea that taxes somehow translates to poor people "taking money away" from "those of us who work." Duh, there are lots of working people who are dirt poor--us, for example. And losing your job to the recession doesn't actually make one lazy. And no, it's not as simple as "taking any shitty job, do what you gotta do." In my neighborhood, even the pizza delivery, fast, food, recyclable sorting jobs are taken--often by grown adults trying to support their families. And frankly, if you didn't know that already, you may well be part of the problem. So yeah...those of you who think we should abolish the minimum wage? Hope you fancy a Romanoff-style invasion into your big ass home.
Being anti-union means being against paying working people what they're worth, and treating them like human beings. Yes, that can get expensive and cut into your big, giant profits. If you can only make money by treating your employees like crap, maybe being a business owner isn't what you're best at.

Next up, my teeth. Going to the dentist this week to finally get the panoramic Xrays people have been telling me to get for just over a decade. Apparently, abcess molars can kill you. Since I've had 3 of them, and no dental care (save for two cleanings and one failed attempt at Xrays since 1997) and am still alive, I'm guessing that I'm probably okay. But since the perfect storm of a place that would take my insurance, a ride, a day off, and a couple hundred extra dollars has actually happened--I'm going in this week. I had a nightmare that once they took the Xrays, the dental people all started yelling and panicking and gave me some kind of Roger Ebert operation. It was terrifying. So yeah, please stop sending me the article about Bootsy's wife's nephew dying from an infected molar. I'm going already!

Next up, Carbs. I'm supposed to be cutting carbs considerably. Not for weight loss or whatever, but so I don't develop diabetes. Looking at my diet, it is almost entirely made of bread, pasta, rice, and potatoes. That's what poor people eat because it's cheap and filling. If I get fresh fruit or veggies every day, (one, sometimes 2 servings) I think I'm doing pretty well. We eat fish at least once a week (me, more since I eat a lot of tuna), but honestly, how do people afford to eat without basing nearly every meal on carbs? It seems like I'll be hungry all the time. Seriously--I have no idea how people do that.
For the record, H and I spend $200 at the grocery store every 2 weeks. He gets mad if we spend more than that, and then we have the $30 produce delivery every 2 weeks as well. That's all of our groceries, HBA's and anything we need for the cats (food, litter, pads, etc), so basically everything except prescriptions for about $55 per person, per week. Is that a lot? I don't even know.
Aside from soups and chilis, I have no idea how to plan a menu that isn't at least 70% carbs. Keep in mind that my kitchen is tiny and only 2 of my burners work. How the fuck am I supposed to make this happen?
wednes: (Wednes Logo)
Spent the last week or so relaxing, taking a break from the book, and trying to hook myself up with some freelance work. Now that the reviews from my beta readers are due back to me (thanks to you's who read it and gave great feedback)I will have to dive back in. The Finster Effect is due to the publisher/editor by the end of November. Release will be in April, 2012 unless the second coming has happened. Actually, I predict that most of MY fans will be Left Behind, so the release may just proceed as planned.

The more I look into it, the more Content Writing appears to be for suckers. Okay, maybe not suckers, per se, but not for me. The emphasis seems to be on producing quick, error free, generic words that will get lots of hit, or encourage people to do something, like order food. While I'd like very much for writing to earn me money, I don't want to insult Writing by being a fucking whore about it. Much as I don't tweet because of my love and respect for The Paragraph; content writing seems like straight up prostitution. I'm not judging, people can be prostitutes if they want to. I just don't think it's the right gig for me.

That said, I heard back about a gig writing trivia questions. I imagine I will be very well suited to it. I am often disappointed by amateurish trivia questions I encounter around the interwebs. If I was gonna make a list of writing gigs I'd enjoy, trivia questions would be on it.

The chick who borrowed my desk while I was off moved a bunch of stuff around, and made off with BOTH of my marked up catalogs. Unacceptable. Desk theivery gets on my last nerve.

The more I think about this Apnea thing, the more pissed I am that nobody noticed it sooner. I've had symptoms of extreme tiredness, nightmares, hallucinations, high BP for YEARS. Literally, years. Not to mention, Apnea is something a lot of fat people get. You'd think with all the ZOMGdeathFAT rhetoric I get from medical "professionals" that one of them would have thought of this. I imagine some of this is due to my only recently having decent insurance. I hardly would expect Washtenaw County to pay for a sleep study--but they could have at least mentioned it. I'd have paid for it myself if I'd known that sleep deprivation has been making me even more insane that I would have been otherwise. Not sure how I'll be able to sleep in some sterile hospital room with some Freddy Kruger shit glued to my head.

Going to see a dentist on Sept 7th. Apparently, it's terribly bad that I've had abcess molars and not seen a dentist. They say that can affect your brain. Heaven forfend! They're using some kind of panoramic camera so they can take Xrays without making me gag until I puke. It's my hope that they don't panic and scream when they see my Xrays, and then rush me in for emergency extraction or something. We shall see...

Movies I watched recently for the first time:
--Straw Dogs (the original)
--The Blind Side
--Bound

Movies I still want to see:
--Rise of the Planet of the Apes
--Fright Night remake
--Don't be Afraid of the Dark remake
--Insidious
wednes: (Hail Ants!)
Because they are jerks who long to prevent me from living out great literature. They aren't going to get me a psychedelic bus complete with a band of merry outlaws either. Fuckers!

In all seriousness, my awesome doc totally hooked me up with services before taking her leave. She was offered her dream job which, oddly enough, was NOT being my doctor. So I have to try out some new docs and see how that goes. In the mean time, I got fresh bloodwork done. I'm told I didn't actually need the CT, and won't, unless I have another kidney stone. I actually thought I was gonna go do it today, but apparently I didn't get the call telling me they cancelled it. Oh well...
They are hooking me up with a psyche consult, and a sleep study. Apnea runs in my family, and I didn't really think about that. Funny considering how much I babble about my health. I hope I can get the sleep study scheduled soon and figure this shit out. I'm sick of being tired constantly.
It's also legitimately possible that long term sleep deprivation is slowly driving me insane.

You'd think there's be a book somewhere in that.

Watched a movie called Bound with Jennifer Tilly, Gena Gershon, Chris Meloni, and Joey Pants. I love that guy. It was really good; and I was surprised that such a cool flick was no where on my radar. It was done by those wacky Wachowski Brothers, which I never would have guessed by watching it.

Working on a few articles and trying to score some more freelance work. It's my hope that getting a CPAP machine (at this point I'll be kinda bummed if I don't need one) will help me think a little better and get more done. Plus, I really am tired of hallucinating. It's scary and it's been going on for too long.
wednes: (Work)
This week is totally biting my ass.

*Usual blather about the day-job* On top of that, Yellow Cab has made me late for work 5 shifts in a row. You'd think the company who gets roughly 1/3 of my take-home pay would be a bit more proactive about getting me here on time. After being late, I locked myself out of my computer somehow, forgot Mark's cookies to mail, and am feeling weak, dizzy, and incredibly tired. Stupid Yello Cab...

I swear I'd take the bus if it didn't take over an hour, and if my splotchy skin cancer crap wasn't getting so much worse. I now have upwards of ten brown spots that are getting bigger and grosser, 3 of which are on my face. I'm gonna be hideous in no time, and wear some kind of lace face cover like Pam on True Blood. Gak!

Stayed home yesterday. Having some kind of weird cut for TMI )

Watched The Lovely Bones movie. The movie itself was pretty well done. The story was absolute shit. Craptacular. No lie. As intriguing as it is to see a serial killer not actually kill anyone, cops not actually investigate anything, and Susan Sarandon play a big lush--it was really a big nothing in the end. Yes, it's possible to move on without closure. Woopedy Doo...then again, strong Christian overtones presented as fact tend to chap my ass anyway. Yay...let's all dance around in heaven wearing 70's clothes forever. Whee.
wednes: (Zombie Cart)
Too late.
Stupid Monday.

My weekend was steeped in awesome, mainly owing to a lovely Saturday spent in the company of one of my favorite peeps ever, Grete. Other faves include Ames and Schwabby, who were kind enough to come by later for conversation and music and such. I drank a 20oz cherry coke and was totally hungover from it the next day. What was I thinking?!?

True Blood was not thrilling me. But last night's ep was pretty good. Unexpected use of the term "witchipoo" made me LOL. Haven't heard that since I stopped frequenting LJ comms like "pagan" and "Pagan snark." The incest thing was kinda funny, and I'm pretty stoked to hear what happens to Jason during the next full moon.

Have not reached a conclusion on how to handle the medical stuff. Going to try to get someone at Blue Cross to tell me how much this crap is gonna cost. All this chugging of Aloe Juice is neither tasty nor completely effective.

Was stoked to hear that Beavis and Butthead are coming back. Fuck you, Don Henley!
Oh, you don't know this story? In 1993, The Eagles released a Greatest Hits album--presumably because someone, somewhere actually doesn't feel they've heard Smugglers Blues and Hotel California enough times. Don "I wish I was Joe Walsh" Henley made some snide comments about their GH album being knocked off the chart by the Beavis and Butthead experience. This was long before Trey Parker and Matt Stone made the world realize that comedy can be expertly produced and painstakingly crafted. Henley: "Well, I guess I'll see you all at the 20-year Beavis and Butthead reunion." The joke being that no one would care about B&B in a few years. Now that they're coming back, I'm stoked as hell to see what Cornholio is up to--while not giving a rat's ass what (if anything) Don Henley does these days.

Busy week ahead. Tons of writing and socializing and such. This week's ZZN interview is the dudes from Zombie Go Boom! which is basically the mythbusters of Zombies.

Amy Winehouse. Bummer. And the internets are jerks.
My mom was one of those people who loved to blame victims for "bringing it on themselves." With me, she'd said that after robberies, assaults, thefts, bad relationships, even on-the-job sexual harassment. So I am pretty testy about the whole "blaming the victim" thing, particularly in cases involving mental-illness. Just because you can't see a chemical imbalance in someone's brain, does NOT mean that it isn't fucking them up. The idea that people just need to buck up and stop being so damn mentally-ill would be laughable if it didn't hurt so many people. Then again, some people have access to tons of knowledge and would honestly prefer to be pricks...you know, for the bolstering effect of being slightly taller due to standing on the bodies of those below.
wednes: (Shaun of the Dead)
And no, I'm not talking about Rik Mayall's unfortunately cut character in the Harry Potter movies. No...I'm talking about the things that other human beings do and say that make me think they should be the first to go when out Ape Masters reclaim the planet.

#1. Cut-and-paste status updates. If you can't bother to come up with your own sentence that succinctly explains your feelings on an issue--you can't possibly know much about it. So, plz, STFU.

#2. Knee-jerk reactions to complex issues. The sex offender registry does not keep anyone safe. Humiliating your kids in public does not teach them a lesson (unless the lesson is, my parents are douchebags). Mosques (and other places of worship) should be left the hell alone unless they are being used as sanctuary for law breakers. And please, I beg of you, stop trying to make your silly-billy, centuries-old church doctrine the law of the land--or if you must insist, please do not cherry pick which versus you love to follow. Anyone who thinks we should all live by the bible will not have my attention until they sell all their belongings and give the money to the poor as the bible commands.

#3. Saying songs on GLEE are better than the originals. Stop it. Just, stop it. While I have no quarrel with remakes per se, they have to bring something pretty spectacular to the party to make them better than the original when said original was completely new.

#4. Writers who don't read.

#5. The idea that asking for facts to back up a statement is mean, biased, or otherwise rude. Don't say stupid shit if you can't back it up with logic and/or facts.

#6. The idea that our entire economy should be based on the idea that some people are lazy slobs and we need to make sure they don't get anything they don't deserve. Some people are also money grubbing assholes. We could use a system that doesn't give the richest 400 people in the US more money than everybody else put together--then maybe some people wouldn't feel so hopeless that they don't even try.

#7. "What ever happened to loyalty to one's company???" It went out the fucking window when people lost jobs, pensions, pay, benefits, so that CEO's could further line their pockets. Any business owner who wonders where loyalty is needs to look at who they hire and the way that they treat them. Owners who treat employees well are more likely to inspire loyalty than those who say "You should feel lucky just to be working."

#8. The Smurfs movie. Smurfs in New York? Fuck you. Seriously.

#9. Anyone who did not RSVP to Saturday night's gathering. It's tomorrow, you slags. And I don't drive. Might have been nice to know how much food to make while I still had time to go to the store. (Chris Schwab is excused since I inadvertently left him off the invite list--sorry darling)

#10. Medical bills. One thing people don't seem to mention when discussing health care is that we have a system that allows regular (read: uninsured) people to be charged upwards of $400 a month for a single prescription, and nearly $2,000 for an emergency visit). How anyone can look at a fact like that and respond with "Hey, it's not my job to pay for other people's pills" instead of realizing that the whole system is broken--it's truly beyond me. Insurance companies have ruined medical care in this country. Just as TV news should not have commercials, insurance should not be a for-profit business.

#11. This annoying chick at my work. God DAMN she's annoying. Whiny voice. Unfunny jokes. No sense of what's going on in the world. Plus, I have this inner block wherein I am instantly disdainful of anyone who tries to win my approval. As Nelson Muntz would say: You WOULD like me, Loser!!

#12. SDCC. I hate it because I'm not there. But if I was there, I'd probably have a shitty time. I hate heat, crowds, and standing still for hours on end.


On a completely unrelated topic, have any of you ever hired a marketing service? How did it work out? How much should I be paying, and what should I be getting for it? Do they really do things I couldn't do myself? My SEO skills are for shit, and my site needs some tweaking.

Pesto Ahoy!

Jul. 1st, 2011 08:06 pm
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
I completely forgot to mention in my last entry, the miracle that is garlic scapes. These are, I think, technically garlic sprouts. They are the green onion equivalent to garlic. So garlicy, but milder and nicer, and snappier. I used them when we had friends over for mexican lasagne earlier in the week. Man, they are redonkulously delicious.
I want them till forever.

I have some left, so tomorrow is pesto.
Apparently pesto is the fan favorite of garlic scape recipes.
I think of pesto as more of a method than a recipe anyway. Mine will have scapes, parmesan, walnuts, spinach, a few spices, salt, and some good olive oil.

For reference, garlic scapes look like this:


And taste like this:


Not getting much work done today. At the tail end of yet another damn kidney stone. I expect that my lower half will explode with pain sometime in the next 6 hours. I've had this one a while now, over a week. So I'm going in for reals for a CT as soon as I can get an appointment. I wasn't going to do it because it stopped hurting, plus it's gonna be really expensive, I am sure. Anyway, I'm gonna call next Weds. Pain is keeping me from getting too much work done.

Tomorrow is the day-job followed by catching up on stuff here. Was supposed to edit a podcast and put up an interview and it doesn't look like I'm gonna do either thing. So far, just a bit of online time and some TV and pain killers. I'll probably watch a movie and go to bed.

I need to take some pictures of some black rats. Anybody know where I can find some that are clean and pretty and will pose for the camera?

Hahahahaha. JoJo just brought me a fortune cookie from the kitchen.
No lie. What an awesome cat.

H is printing me up a book containing all known grammar and vocabulary for the Dothraki language. I'm intensely interested in how one creates a language for use in a novel. I don't exactly write fantasy, but it seems like a new language could have various and sundry applications in horror.
wednes: (X-files)
This week can go fuck itself. Seriously.

I've been depressed for a couple of weeks now. It sucks. Then some customer wrote a letter about how mean I was to him, conflating certain facts, and outright inventing others. He sent it to the President, the Owner, and the CEO, effectively making me look like a total asshole. The bosses were cool about it, so far as I know. But man...it sucked.
As such, I am making a new resume for myself in the hope of securing more lucrative writing work. I really would like to get the hell out of customer service. I don't know that I was ever actually well-suited to it; it was just something to do.

I'm getting more of those stupid not-actually-a-dangerous-cancer-splotches on my face. They are hideous and I can't afford to do anything about it. The thing they cut out of my back last fall still itches like crazy. But we never paid the lab bill so I can't have any more lab work done until we come up with $600--as if, right?

Money is low.
We need stuff that costs a lot.
That is all bad, with no knowledge that it will get better any time soon.
Still, it doesn't stop me from splurging on the occasional "luxury."

With that in mind, I saw Super 8 at the IMAX today. I wanted to see something thrilling and fun and explodey. Mission Accomplished. It was a fun, completely predictable film that fits neatly into the summer blockbuster mold.
During the end, I was standing in the aisle and some kid came tearing down the aisle and smacked into me. It was pretty amusing. The kid was like a 10-year-old freight train--which is funny considering that there's a big train accident in the film. Anyway, the kid kept apologizing, but I really did find it hilarious. Luckily, I'm padded to withstand impact.

In addition to getting a new resume and some writing samples together, I'm putting up a new interview this weekend (With zombie writer Scott Kenemore), and working on the book. New S4S podcast ep went up on Weds, so that's around if you've an interest in such things. This ep also features a rendition of Simple Gifts from Peter Alway. Woot!

Seriously though, I really hope next week is better than this week.
wednes: (slow death)
This week is my doc appointment to discuss why I am unlucky enough to be victimized by recurring kidney stones. I gotta get to the bottom of this, as I am at the day job with another fucking stone. I'm gonna try and stay here, but nobody has anything stronger than ibuprofin. If I get a MedMar card, does that mean I can come to work high?
Seriously, these things are kicking my ass.
Happily, a co worker was kind enough to go out and fetch me a Peanut Buster Parfait.
Mmmmmm...parfait.

In better news, I'm wearing some fly wide-leg pants I got from the fat-chick pantsery. They are pretty awesome, though could do with some laundering and some slight shrinkage. I got a few pairs of new pants recently so I could stop wearing ones with ripped out hems or JoJo snags on the upper leg. I always feel much more together when I have nice threads.

Came in to work to find my sweet calendar that H made me is mysteriously missing. I thought maybe the cleaning lady just knocked it down on accident, but I and coworker looked everywhere it could have fallen. It is nowhere to be found. I'm irked, because occasionally my pagan stuff goes missing (the pic on the calendar is my logo arranged in a repeating circle to look like a witchy star) and I later find out that it was stolen by some well meaning Jesus freak. If that has happened to me at my workplace, I promise you that I will be utterly humorless about it. Speaking of Jesus' fan club, 2 of the cookies I made for H's mom will never reach her, because I have them with me. Bwah hahahahaha!

Tonight is guacamole and a movie with a friend, followed by podcast mixing and posting, then noveling that is expected to last all weekend. Yay. Somehow the entire month of April went by without me ever posting a podcast ep. Oops. KMLYLM ch 21-22 will go up next, then a swell short I've been working on with 100% people from my day-job.
wednes: (OMG!!!)
It appears that I have recurring kidney stones. I deduced this after the most physically painful night of my entire life to date, last night. I have broken bones, gone through TWO abcessed molars, another (what I thought at the time at least) bad kidney stone, and some other gruesome shit I won't detail here. Point is, this was by a WIDE margin the most excruciating thing I've ever experienced. Wailing, screaming into a pillow agony. For serious.

At first, I convinced myself that I had a fatal bowel obstruction. Curses, half-assed Internet research! Took a while for me to actually figure it out, I was hurting so bad I literally couldn't think straight. My whole body felt weak and shaky. I contemplated calling an ambulance for over two hours. When I took an ambulance 10 years ago, I got a bill for $700. Zod only knows what it would cost now.

I actually called H and asked him to come home from work after 2 solid hours of screaming pain. We decided that I could take a cab to emergency (They will drive you to Emergency as long as you can enter and exit the cab by yourself--honestly, I was not sure I could) It took 3 hours for H to get to me because he was working alone and a manager drove in from an hour away to cover for him. I seriously thought I was dying until I realized that it was just a goddamn kidney stone. I didn't go to emergency as spending a couple hundred bucks to ultimately be given some painkillers and sent home with a follow up appointment--it just didn't seem financially prudent.

By 5am, it was over and I felt more or less fine. Exhausted and somehow dehydrated, despite drinking 2 litres of water and at least 12oz of aloe juice since midnight. Thank Zod I had some in the house.

Presumably, this will mean tests and more tests. Expensive tests. As such, I will not be able to take time off the day job to finish The Finster Effect. I'm gonna do my damnest to finish it on time anyway--but who the hell knows?
Once H and I determined I was not about to die, I took some more midol and a sleeping pill and went to bed around 5:30am. I'm exhausted and frazzled, and am not doing fuckall today except going to see my buddy's band play. I hardly ever go out to do things that aren't a meal or a movie, so this will be nice.

Shit. I was also supposed to put up the Bear McCreary interview last night. Guess I better try to do it today.

In better news, the Miraculous Bed Swap of 2011 is tomorrow, provided everything goes according to plan. A nice family is taking our old bed, along with a mattress cover I got but never even took out of the package. And we're buying a $2800 Tempurpedic King for $500.
Score!
wednes: (Reid Love)
Last night's Criminal Minds was kinda awesome and kinda infuriating. I totally should have played that Unsub. I was born to be a crazy stalker who things she's helping people.
One of the reasons Law & Order lost my interest is the incessant cast changes. Getting rid of JJ in favor of some twit is not really working for me. When I saw her in the opening credit sequence, I was hoping for some sort of Buffy tVS thing where they put someone in the opening credits just in time to kill them off. That's good stuff. But no...it looks like The Twit is here to stay. Other aspects of CM that I grow weary of:

--The rapid escalation that ALWAYS takes place once the FBI is involved.
--The endless succession of insane people doing insane shit for random reasons (ie: my daddy took my dollies and now I use my mad skillz to sew incredible clothing for women I kidnapped).
--The Unsub who puts their life story and a details crime history on a wall in their apartment/dorm room/altar/cell.
--Every other killer being "methodical and extremely organized."
--Every victim and Unsub being white, unless it's a special ethnic episode. This is not a 1980's McDonalds commercial, you're allowed to mix races on TV now.

Seriously, CM, I like you a whole lot. But I'm healthier than I used to be, and more likely to stop putting up with your bullshit. There's a lot of good stuff on TV these days, and I'm short on TV time. So buck up, or go the way of...damn, I can't name either or the cops or attorney's on L&O anymore, so I can't refer to them by name.

As for the spinoff (repeat L&O comparison), it was not bad. It's a good cast. Like the main guy, love Garafalo, dig the guy from Dawn of the Dead (though I wish he'd say "fuckin' nursery school"). I plan to keep watching, especially since my beloved Penelope is on both shows. If I had to pick a CM character to make out with, and Hotch's line was too long--I'd pick Garcia! Forest Whittaker and Janine Garafalo both look crazy thin. Not judging, but would love to know Garafalo's reason for the loss, as she has said many times in the past that she doesn't swing that way.

My hands have not been so good lately. Right thumb is becoming less opposable every day. Took some heavy hitting pain pills this week, even though I don't really like that sort of thing. Apparently the elbow braces (made by ACE) I've been wearing during the day are terrible. I have some compression ones that should arrive soon, but the old ones were actually causing more pain. Thanks, ACE.
Doc appointment again this Weds so I can find out if I need to move forward with X-rays and possibly surgery. Unlikely, since I still owe a few hundred $$'s from when they cut that cancer off of me.

Saturday is my reading/signing at Detroit's Love Your Body event at the Trumbullplex.
Hope to see some of you's there!

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