wednes: (Sad)
I'm going to be completely selfish in this post. What's new, right?

I am far too young to have lost so many classmates to early death. Sure, I'm almost 50, (well, turning 47 this year, so closer to 50 than 40) and that's a lot more time than a lot of people get. Hell, it might be more time than most people get. I haven't looked it up.

At this point, I went to school with people who died and left behind young kids. Cancer, brain tumors, AIDS, accidents, and a bunch of suicides. Come to think of it, I think I know of more suicide deaths from my peer group than accidents or violent crimes.

Feeling the death of another classmate today.
He was a good guy, never a dick to anyone online--which is a major achievement in my world, since most of the people I know online are the occasional penis-for-brains.
Jim left behind friends and family who are devastated by the loss. I can't even imagine it.

As many of you know, my greatest fear is H dying. When something really frightens me, I sit down and try to think up all the worst case scenarios and figure out what I'd do if they happened. I've figured out zombies, alien invasion, fire, plague, nuclear war, my mom showing up here, and a militia takeover of the state. Damn glad I know people in the militia now.
But when I try to think through what I'd to if H died, all I can see is me sitting in my good chair, staring into space and waiting for someone to notice that they haven't seen me around in a while. Then I'd die. That's not supposed to get your attention or make you feel bad for me. It's rather a crushing defeat to know that after 17+ years with H, that I literally have no idea how I'd manage to live and function without him. Hilariously, most of the people I know have ONLY known me with H. Aside from family and a few classmates I talk to on FB, "Wednes and H" are the only way we exist for them.
So yeah, I have no idea how people pick themselves up and get over it. I'd probably just send messages to Patton Oswalt every day until his agent's assistant's social media manager told me to stop.


As for the rest of life, working on Hellish Calling and dealing with the Radish site not working well, or maybe me not knowing how to work it. Either way, it's slow going.
wednes: (Sad)
It's been a few days, so I think I'm finally ready to say something about the death of my favorite living actor, Bill Paxton. I'd always been a fan of his from stuff like Weird Science and Aliens which we saw over and over again when it came out--I was a junior in high school. Plus I remembered him from The Lords of Discipline. I thought he was so versatile and funny and amazing. He was credited as "Wild" Bill Paxton, which I thought was super awesome.
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I didn't realize he was the guy from the Fish Heads video until much later. But I had always loved that vid. He directed it too, which seems insane until you remember that he started his Hollywood career in the art department on Roger Corman movies. I know, right?


I won't do a whole thing about his career, because most of you know all about it. You know about the amazing sci-fi horror trifecta. You know at least a dozen of his movies and at least that many of his famous lines. Maybe you didn't know that he played a Nazi in a Pat Benetar video (that also features Judge Reinhold as a good guy).

Shadows Of The Night - Pat Benatar by KamdenMason

I have to mention Frailty though, because finding out Bill could make a horror movie that blew my mind--I'm sure you can imagine how that made me feel. It was like his artistic spirit came into my TV (I couldn't afford to see it in the theatre) and hugged me. My favorite thing in any horror movie is when I honestly don't see it coming...
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...(and it makes sense), and with Frailty, I didn't. So bold, brave, intense for a first time feature director. Paxton said that he always wanted to direct a classic. As a horror fan, I have to say that he did.
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When I woke up Sunday morning and checked my communique, I got seven texts and two Emails letting me know that Bill Paxton had died. Still, I spent a few seconds frantically wondering who could have organized such an unfunny prank on me. He has a new show--it JUST STARTED. He looked totally healthy in it. Bill Paxton smoked cigs for a long time, and he probably drank some. But he wasn't some kind of self-abuser. I couldn't believe it. I burst into tears so hard that I scared H, who thought a friend or a family member must have died. I couldn't even speak. I just handed him my iPod touch and he looked at it, then at me, and said "Oh no...honey, I'm sorry."
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People called him an "everyman," which I suppose is true to a point. No matter what kind of character he played, you kind of felt like you could see a little of yourself in him. He helped us identify with his characters, even if they were totally shitty. I mean, what kind of idiot takes on a Predator with a handgun, I ask you? Paxton wasn't just a horror guy, but he obviously was a fan. He wasn't just a smartass, or a jokester, or a family movie guy--he was all of that and more. He was tons of things most of us will never know about. And everybody loved him. Everybody who knew him.

Bill Paxton took shit seriously--the art, the work in general, his family, his fans. He was a good sport and an awesome person. Generous with fellow actors and good to his crew. Nobody spoke ill of him. Even when he found out his ancestors owned slaves, he handled it with grace and without bullshit. I adored him. I really did. Like, it's probably a good thing I didn't rescue him if he crashed his plymouth in a snowstorm. Because I was his Number One Fan. I also should have been one of his wives on Big Love, because seriously.
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Because I have a rich inner fantasy life, I always imagined that someday I'd meet Bill Paxton. I'd tell him how much I liked Frailty, and he would be impressed with my passion for, and knowledge of film. I imagine most of us want to think our heroes would like us, and this was especially true in this case. Plus, he was so damn handsome.

Goodbye, Sir. I'm sorry I'll never meet you.
I thank you for a lifetime of work that will stay with us forever.

Low

Jan. 19th, 2017 09:42 pm
wednes: (Wednes Poison)
Whelp, it was fun having a president who didn't make me ashamed to be an American. I mean, look at what we've had to deal with just in my lifetime.

Jimmy Carter was awesome, but treated badly due to his "soft" nature. See, when I was a kid, it was Democrats who said we should be a "Christian nation," by which they meant feeding the poor and housing the homeless. Like many things between Republicans and Democrats, this has completely flipped. Now the GOP co-opts religion for their own purposes, but apparently THEIR Jesus has no interest in feeding people or helping them have homes. Now religion means anti-gay legislation and the closing of family planning clinics. Because...god is love?

Then Reagan. Now, I think he was a pretty terrible president, policy-wise. He funded terrorists and talked a lot of smack about the poor and gays. His wife was even worse. But at least Reagan made rich people pay their taxes. Can't get that nowadays. As much as I disliked Reagan, I wasn't humiliated at the idea that he represented my country.

Bush Sr should never have been POTUS in the first place, mainly because he ran the CIA. That's not cool. If you ever work in a big box retailer, they have a particular way the money is sorted at the end of the day. One guy calculates how much money their should be, while someone else counts how much money there is. This is to prevent theft and chicanery. Apparently, the United fucking States of America needed no such safeguards.

Clinton. Awesome guy, down to earth. Solid policies, great economic growth. All he had to do was say "Actually, what I do with my penis is not relevant to how I run the country. Next questions?" But no...he had to do a stupid lying tapdance that eventually made him a laughing stock. That sucked.

Bush 2. Do I even need to explain this one? He and Rick Perry should do a road movie where they blunder their way across the country, occasionally getting schooled by the people they've sought to oppress.

Obama. *sky opens and rainbows so bright they keep us from seeing all the drone strikes, still open Guantanamo, and lack of single payer healthcare* Yaaaay!!! So eloquent, so unwilling to cheat on his wife, so personable...

And now...this.
I still don't get it. I don't care how poor you are, how angry you feel about political-correctness (AKA basic human decency), or how really racist you are. You'd have to be monstrously stupid to think a man like Drumpf is actually interested in helping the poor and middle class. There is no metric by which Betsy DeVos, Rick Perry, Jeff Sessions, or Ben Carson are good choices for goddamn anything. You might as well put Charles Manson in charge of youth outreach, and maybe Yosemite Sam as a liaison to the NRA.

In other news, now might be a good time to buy a set of encyclopedias. People laugh at having a set of books collecting known knowledge of the world. But see, a set of encyclopedias is a snapshot of the world as we know it. It's supposed to lack bias. But if you've ever read an encyclopedia from say, the 60s, some of the biases are much more evident now. The America we enjoy now and the one we'll be left with in 20/20 may be markedly different. Might be nice to have a hard copy to compare and contrast.
wednes: (Sad)
Okay dammit, there have been too many artist and fictional deaths this year.
I'm fucking sick of it.

Like who, you ask?

Alan Rickman -- this was bullshit. Not that old and we had no idea it was coming. Shenanigans.

Bowie -- no comment required.

Prince -- ditto. All of these are utter bullshit

Norma Bates on Bates Motel. Okay, we knew that was coming. So why was it so horrifying and tragic? Because they're great at what they do.

Anton Yelchin --again, this was bullshit. Crushed by a car that should have been recalled months earlier. Shenanigans again.

Glenn and Abraham. *sigh* Just because we read about it first, doesn't mean it didn't tear our hearts out.

Gene Wilder lived a long, full life and was a pretty cool dude. He was 83 and had Alzheimer's. So this one is not bullshit, just regular sad.

Leonard Cohen -- again, not exactly youthful, but a loss all the same.

Hodor. God damn you [personal profile] grrm. A man lacks honor.

It's the middle of November, and I've got to think we're due for another major blow before the year ends. Who will it be? Someone we all love and admire. Another beloved actor? A great musician? Me? As I say in my reviews: Time will tell...
wednes: (Sad)
The Good:

I voted. I'm so glad I did, because several analysts have said Ann Arbor was a potentially pivotal factor--as late as 11pm. We lost in the end, but I can at least know that I did what I could.

I'm gratified to see the good guys coming together, vowing to protect the vulnerable--because they're gonna need it. I'm not an especially powerful person, but if I can do something to help you or someone you know who is being oppressed, bullied, terrorized...please ask. I'll do what I can.

The Bad:

Duh, everything about losing two branches of government before they proceed to corrupt the third. I can't even express the disappointment, sadness, and fear I feel. When Obama got elected, a lot of gun enthusiasts were afraid that their guns would be confiscated, and a lot of uninformed (or lied to, Thanks FOX "news") people thought the ACA was going to murder their grandmother. Obama supporters tried to explain to those people that their fears were unfounded, and kind of silly in their unlikeliness.

But now, when Muslims, Mexicans, the LGBT community, African Americans, children, women, and everyone who isn't alt-right says they're afraid--the response from the Drumpf camp is akin to "Yeah, you should be. You people are in for it now."

Watching Trevor Noah and Stephen Colbert both try to put on a brave face was...painful. It hurt to watch. I miss Mitt Romney. Hell, I miss John McCain--and he's batshit now.

Congratulations, America.
You've really outdone yourself this time.

If nothing else, it'll be fun to see the memes you post when Drumpf only fulfills the campaign promises that fuck people over (legally protected bigotry, even further restrictions on abortion, the return of stop-and-frisk), not the ones that help the middle class and below (jobs).
wednes: (Tyrion)
Imma talk about Game of Thrones and I'm not gonna cut it even though it has spoilers for earlier in this season. So skip ahead now if you don't want to know. This is 100% showie information, no book stuff here.

I've heard several people speak as if they're "okay" with the death of young Olly. I'm really not. I cried almost as much for Olly as I did for Princess Shireen--though methinks Shireen will be avenged in a few short days. #TeamDavos.

Let's look at Olly's life though.
He lived in a peaceful hamlet where everyone was kind and looked out for each other. Not one to sit around doing nothing, Olly trained and practiced to become the best archer in the hamlet. Sure, a hamlet isn't very big. But He was better than grown men. That's impressive. More importantly, Olly loved his parents and they loved him. They were content to work all day, then eat a meal that was nothing more than potatoes. It was a simple life, but they lived it happily.

And then...
Chaos.

Wildlings raided their village for no good reason. They slaughtered absolutely everyone. His parents, rather than saving themselves or fighting back, spent their last seconds telling their son to hide. He did, though not well enough.
Olly's parents were killed and EATEN by Thenns. Fucking Thenns.

With nowhere else to go, Olly ran to The Wall.
He told them what happened, and the men of the Night's Watch took him in.
Within days, Olly picked himself up and began training to...or so he thought...get revenge on the wildlings who did this to him. That's why he fought his ass off during the wildling invasion of The Wall. That's why he was proud to have killed Ygritte with his badass archery skills.
Olly was a faithful squire to Jon Snow. When it was time to execute Janos Slynt, Olly loyally fetched Jon's sword. Faithful he was, that is until Lord Know-Nothing left to help the wildlings, then returned home with hundreds of wildlings in tow. Those were the people who killed Olly's family and friends. ALL of them.

Even then, Olly would never have taken it upon himself to do mutiny and murder. If it hadn't been for Ser Aliser, that stabbing never would have happened. Olly was led astray by some bitter old men, combined with his own hatred for the wildlings--hatred that developed from legit reasons. Nobody likes those fucking Thenns.

RIP Olly. You were a good lad, and a wonderful character.
So I guess we should have seen it coming that you would die far too soon.
wednes: (Cat/Bird)
Like most of us, I don't normally answer my phone when I don't recognize the number. But when it rang around 6:45 this evening, I figured it was either a telemarketer I could mess with, or an amusing wrong number. In fact, it was H's Aunt Sherry, who I don't think I'd ever talked to before.

H's grandmother, a lovely woman named Virginia (also a family name in my own family of origin) had died on Valentine's Day. We hadn't heard from her in a few months, and H was afraid to phone because he kind of expected that this was the reason. Yes, I could have phoned as well. I didn't.

I've blogged about H's grandmother before because she was such an awesome lady. Her husband had a stroke a year or so before he died, and she cared for him full time. They'd been together for over 60 years, which boggles the mind. When he died, she never really got over the sadness of it. Her heart had broken. I imagine that's exactly how I'll feel if I'm unfortunate enough to outlive H. It def speaks to my own selfishness how much I DON'T want to outlive my husband.

I didn't realize, until Aunt Sherry told me, that H and I really were in her thoughts often. She showed off all the gifts and cards we sent her over the years, and displayed our photo prominently in her home. When she went into the hospital and then to hospice, she took our photo with her (and the other grandkids) so she could look at us whenever she wanted. Even when she couldn't keep food down, she asked the nurses to apply the lip balms we sent her for Christmas. She had told me once how amazing it was that I knew how to make them. They're embarrassingly easy. I didn't realize this, but a lot of H's family think I'm a great wife and a wonderful influence on him--and that it's great of me to keep in touch with the family on his behalf.

As many of you know, H's mom and I don't see squarely on many issues. So it's nice to know that there are people in his family that are in favor of our relationship. I mean seriously, we've been together over 15 years. Get over it! H's mom is more bossy than warm, and has been married three times that I know of. I often wondered how H managed to be so kind and loving, fair and patient growing up with his mom. Upon reflection, it was clearly Virginia and her husband Fred who modeled for H what a loving and successful marriage look like. I suppose that means that I owe her a great debt.

It's my job to help come up with something for the inscription at the memorial where the ashes of Fred and Virginia will be interred together. I've got a 26 character limit including spaces. We'll see.

Aunt Sherry told me the greatest thing though. Apparently Virginia wanted to be at home among family at the end. But what she actually said was "I don't wanna go out like a punk," which meant she'd go out on her own terms. And she did.
That is just fucking beautiful.

Um...

Jan. 19th, 2016 01:12 pm
wednes: (Homer/Stones)
Am I the only one who remembers that Glenn Frey was kind of an asshole? Not quite as bad as Don Henley though.

Both of those dudes were bitter jags when the Beavis and Butthead album knocked Eagles Greatest Hits off the charts. "I guess we'll all get together in 20 years for the Beavis and Butthead reunion."

And then we did.

Because Beavis and Butthead are hilarious.
wednes: (Really?)
How much more disgusted is it possible to be with one's countrymen? Every time I think I've reached maximum disgust between the Tea Party and all their nonsense, in-your-face gun activists who can't go out to dinner without packing major heat, and Donald Trump being treated as if he's actually a viable presidential candidate--I get schooled on how cowardly and terrible Americans can be.

I know plenty of Christians online and in RL--of all stripes. I know Mormons who think it's their duty to keep having more children as long as they can, even though they aren't able to support them financially. I know Baptists who were taught, and still struggle with, slut-shaming being the duty of any good parent. I know Catholics who honestly believe that using birth control is a one-way ticket to damnation. I don't agree with these things. Frankly, I doubt the veracity of those who claim to honestly adopt these beliefs as part of their worship of a purportedly benevolent god.

But here's the thing: I've been hearing for years now about how we have to do everything the bible says, lest we be immoral. Of course the people who say this don't really mean it--because they wear glasses to church, eat shrimp, don poly-cotton blends, get haircuts, etc, etc, etc. They also don't own slaves or force rape victims to marry their attackers. But hey, we have to follow at least the spirit of the bible, right? For morality? That's why we're supposed to applaud people like Cliven whatever the fuck who trespassed to graze his cattle, or Kim Davis who "took a stand" against those awful gays with all that gayness. It's because of the bible that we have to refuse to make pizzas for gay weddings or rip our kids out of scouts because the leader is gay. It's why Planned Parenthood is getting ridden out of town on a rail despite a profound and immediate need for it. Because Jesus, because bible.

But now...that war orphans, widows, displaced families are desperately seeking asylum--what do we do? "Sorry, all full. Sorry (not sorry) but none of you can come here." Shit, this cowardly bullshit is even coming from the very people who wouldn't even fucking be here if it wasn't for the US taking in refugees. I'm looking at YOU, Ted Cruz, you shrewish sack of crap. And the Anne Frank thing? It's actually true. She might still be alive now if we hadn't wanted to "stay out of it."

If you have honestly informed yourself about the Paris attacks and the overall refugee situation caused by Daesh (which was, in fact, largely caused by the good ol' US of A), and your takeaway is that they're all Muslims which means all terrorists which means GTFO? You are a monster. You aren't living by traditional Christian morality, and you sure as fuck don't believe that #AllLivesMatter despite your insistence to the contrary. As many others have said better than I: By refusing refugees, we are giving in to terrorists. We're giving them exactly what they want.

The "that's too bad, but this isn't my problem" school of foreign policy has been our ugliest export for some time. We fuck with any country that has something we want, claiming it's about 'necessary regime change' or 'exporting democracy.' But we do fuckall in countries where abominations happen all the goddamn time. Why aren't we helping oppressed Chinese workers? Or any of the other non-Paris places that have been bombed by terrorists in the last few weeks? Because we don't actually care about the people in these places. As a nation, we only care about what we can get from them.

The United States of America has the biggest, baddest, most well-funded armed forces in the world. Yet we're cowering in fear at people running for their lives from the very people we profess to hate? Are we really that lily-livered? Where are all the gun-enthusiasts who need fucking rocket launchers and semi-auto machine guns to "protect their families?" Why aren't they standing by the borders, ushering refugees in and offering to dispatch anyone who tries any terrorist shit?
No, I don't think we are entirely cowardly. But I do think we're that hateful. I think we, as a people, are absolutely callous enough to hear about refugees and think "Well who the hell told them to live in [insert godforsaken hellhole here] in the first place?" You know, the same way people say "Hey, if you didn't want to be treated like shit for 50 hours a week and still not be able to afford a doctor, why'd you choose to work at [minimum wage shithole]?"

The response to this refugee crisis is another embarrassingly ugly case of demonizing victims because it's easier to hate than to help. It's simpler to say "Hey, they brought this on themselves," than to say "Holy shit, that's awful--what can I do to help." It may be true that taking in displaced people or donating $50 won't "solve" the problem of terrorism. There will always be disgruntled assholes who think hurting people is fun and use that excuse to advance some bugfuck ideology. But what there should never be, are people who see these atrocities and say "I'd like to help, but helping might make something go badly for me, so I don't think I'll even try."

I've seen the way some of you react when your basement floods. Now imagine that your house was blown up, half your family dead, your son stolen and forced to fight for terror, and you're literally running for your life. Now imagine a bunch of comfy AF Americans sitting amid central heating, watching Netflix and eating food they can drive to the store and get without anyone shooting at them--got it? Imagine them saying that you can't stay in an empty hotel and get a cold shower and decent sleep, because they're afraid you might be the people you're actually fleeing from.
Then tell me you wouldn't fucking hate the people who did that to you.

So if you're saying that, if you're saying anything like that--stop it.
Just fucking stop.
wednes: (NaNo Runner)
I had a big post planned about nihilism and internet trolls.
But I'm behind on the NaNoWriMo and don't want to half ass it. It's pretty good.

Here are some things of note:

The attacks in Paris are awful. What the fuck is wrong with people? And what the fuck is wrong with Americans who want to blame refugees for the attacks. If they didn't vet refugees properly, that sucks. But it doesn't naturally follow that they're all terrorists--or that any of them are. Let's not let our sadness turn to anger and then to hate, comfortable as that may be for many of us.

Got unfriended for calling someone out on fat shaming. It sucks, because it's a person I genuinely like despite a complete inability to deal with opposition. I kind of hate seeing liberals act like petulant children who refuse to see the other side of something. And I'm annoyed yet bored with people who think "Haw haw, fatties are fat," is a funny joke. What are you, 13-fucking-years-old? Besides, I was just pointing it out. I'm not one of those "take that down or I can't be your friend" people. But when someone is being an asshole, it can take a real friend to let them know.

Barbara Kean is way better on Gotham as a villain. Way. Better.

American Horror Story: Hotel has more nudity than I require in my horrorshows. If I wanted to see that many naked people and that much blood-drenched man-on-man or three-way giggity, I'd wait for Game of Thrones to come back. That said, I'm not really mad that I already figured out who the killer is. Much like Shymalan's The Village--it's not really about that. It's about the journey. Plus, Evan Peters has been great this season.

Read Jack Ketchum's Stranglehold this week. Filled me with terror, then profound despair. I was reminded of Mystic River, in that I wanted to hurl it across the room in anger after I finished. But my Kindle is out of warranty, so I refrained. It's a damn good book. I wish I had Ketchum's skill for developing and building suspense. I do have similar skill for the violence, but that's the easy part. I think I do write with a high level of truthfulness, and my dialogue is damn fine. But these are the things we learn just by living in the world and watching it with an eye toward the story. Plotting, storybuilding, setting descriptions--none of that shit comes easy to me. I wish I was able to workshop more, pow wow with other writers and such.

The new book is coming right along. It's got two main characters who are also POV characters (1st person, because that's what I'm best at). One of them is highly unreliable because her roommate keeps stealing her medicine and selling it. The other is just a fucking asshole. It's loosely based on a few fucking assholes I know. Ha! I can't imagine I'll actually finish in time to win the NaNo, but it's gonna be a hell of a good book. I hope to be ready for beta readers by February.

Yeah? So?

Aug. 26th, 2015 05:03 pm
wednes: (Vyv ;-()
A lot of people I went to college with are mourning the death of a classmate. A lot of the same "so young..." "such a shock," and "How terrible that this should happen to such a [kind description] person" is all over my feed.

I'm not able to get on that train. See, the person in question was a mean-spirited asshole. A goes-out-of-his-way to be cruel to strangers asshole. An I-don't-even-know-you but I'm going to spend a few minutes each week making your life hell, and then when confronted with that fact do everything in my power to pretend I didn't do anything wrong asshole.

To this late-person, I'd like to say, Yeah, it sucks at least a little bit when someone dies. Not only does it snuff out a life that some decent people might care about, but it snuffs out your chance to be a better person. Did you ever try to be better? Did you succeed? I don't know. You were such a fucking asshole to me that after college I made it a point never to think of you again. And I haven't--until I heard that you died. If you have a family, I hope they're taken care of. If you have a god, I hope s/he treats you slightly better than you chose to treat others.

From me personally though, fuck you. Fuck you right in the ear.
wednes: (Sad)
I was avoiding the internets this evening because I didn't want to be in a bad mood. Monday & Tuesday are the nights I hang out with H. But then Ryan called to tell me the tragic news that Robin Williams had not just died--he'd committed suicide. I knew that he'd taken some questionable movie roles lately, and I heard that he had relapsed. To me, drug addiction is almost synonymous with mental illness--mainly because I don't know any alcoholics or addicts who aren't also obviously diagnosable.
This is tremendously sad news.

We like to think of comedians as being happy people. But as I've said many times in this blog, good acting and clever humor come from insight. Insight can be terribly exhausting emotionally. Understanding humans can lead to all sorts of unpleasantness, from fear to sadness to frustration and anguish. Even if you just want to help all of humanity, the scope of it all can be crushing.

Depression, when left untreated (or ineffectively treated, which is way common), has a mortality rate of about 15% between suicide and fatal substance abuse. Bi-polar disorder has a lower suicide rate, mainly because it's offset by a homicide rate of almost 10%. Again, this is for people who are not treated.

The top two reasons people don't get help when they clearly need it?
1. Access. ie: I can't afford it / don't know where to go.
2. I'm "not crazy."

This idea that you don't need mental health care unless you're in a murderous rage, are constantly hallucinating, or have a dual personality? I don't know where the hell it came from, but it needs to go far, far away. The actual signs that you might need mental help may include:
1. Feeling like everything is too difficult, for days on end.
2. Not seeing the point of anything, for weeks at a time.
3. Feeling angry enough to insult or judge every person you meet--more often than not.
4. Unshakable sadness, anger, hopelessness, or fear regardless of the actual shape your life is in. Even if things aren't going well, outright hopelessness is a sign that something is wrong.
5. Unable to sleep properly, eat regularly, or focus on something for more than half an hour--for days at a time.
6. Feeling like people only pretend to like you out of obligation.
7. Feeling like you never do anything right, or are a burden to everyone.
8. Buying things you can't afford, followed by crushing guilt over it.
9. An inability to complete things that you start, often.

Notice that a lot of these have to do with feelings. When people feel some way that's inconvenient to other people, they're often told shitty things like "suck it up" or "everyone has problems" leaving the depressed person to feel even shittier. Feelings are serious. They're why we do most of the things we aren't absolutely obligated to do. Kids, you've GOT to pay attention to how you feel, and if you feel sad, angry, helpless or hopeless for longer than a few days--for fuck's sake, talk it out with someone. There are hotlines, there are friends. Honestly, if you stopped 3 strangers on the street and said you were so depressed you wanted to die--I bet one of them would do something to help you. That's how people are. When we can, we love to help others. Really.

As some of you know, I found out a few months ago that an old boyfriend of mine killed himself. He was a messed up guy, which you can tell because I dated him and that was my pattern back then.
Even when this happens to someone you don't talk to anymore, there's a tremendous sense of guilt, of helplessness, of wishing you could have said or done something to help. When it comes to depression and suicide, sometimes a few kind words really do make a life or death difference. Sometimes, getting someone through one bad day can keep them from considering suicide ever again. It's infuriating to hear about a suicide, because it's so goddamn preventable--if only you'd known, right?

I thought about suicide a lot as a kid and a teenager, a college student, and a few times after that. My attempts were half-hearted, mostly to demonstrate to myself that I did have some small modicum of control over my life--in that I was choosing to stay alive. Not everyone is able to do that. Not everyone has that support structure. Even when they do, sometimes that isn't enough. Even a few hours alone can be enough time for a severely depressed person to spiral into darkness they can't escape from.

When I feel particularly helpless, like I do today, I try to remember what I actually do to help people with mental illness. I think that writing honestly about depression and mania, about the impact that abuse has on people, and about how we all influence the behavior and feelings of others is tremendously important. A Stabbing for Sadie, while not an autobiography, certainly discusses things that I've dealt with myself. Kiss Me Like You Love Me shows us how vulnerable people can be corrupted by a life that's devoid of compassion--with horrific results. I really hope that when people read what I have to say, that they'll learn something about mental illness, and what it's like for people who live with it. If my words lead even one person to be more compassionate, I'd feel damn proud of that.

Jim Carrey once said that he wished everyone could be rich and famous, so they could see that wasn't the answer. When I hear about people like Owen Wilson attempting suicide, or Philip Seymour Hoffmann overdosing, or today's awful tragedy, I have to believe Jim Carrey is right.
wednes: (Sow the Seed)
I'm about to complain about something. I'm going to ask this one time, that if this is something you do/have done, that you not bitch me out for having the nerve to complain about it. It's something that bugs the shit out of me, even as I realize it is not usually done with cruel intentions. I really, really need to get it off my chest, and haven't blogged about it because someone is bound to get offended.

Within the last two years, seven people I went to school with (I went to two high schools and one college) and 3 others I was friends with since college have died. Cancer, stroke, accident, suicide...one guy just keeled over and they still don't know why. It's tragic, both for the people involved, and for those of us who are forced to contemplate our own mortality.

When this happens, invariably one or more people will contact me asking me to remind them who the person was. No, I don't mean they called to reminisce about moments we shared, or discuss the legacy they left to the world. No, these people are literally saying Oh, that person you're mourning--who was that again? They've totally slipped my mind. Really?

To me, that's just gross. I've stopped answering those Emails all together. Taking the occasion of someone's death to remind grieving people that Hey, they didn't mean shit to me. I don't even know who they are is incredibly insensitive. Not sure why it's okay to be insensitive to me. Have I somehow given the impression that I'm an extremely strong person? I have no idea how that could have happened.

When Phillip Seymour Hoffman died, people actually made shitty comments about him on my page. Everything from "He wasn't that great" to "I don't think I've seen him in anything" or "I hated him in X" or even "Yeah, but do you care about all the other people who died who weren't famous?" Okay, let me say this as calmly as I can. Fuck. You. When I post how sad I am about Rik Mayall, what's the point of interjecting how you don't know who he is, or that he never made an impression on you, or that nobody should care because we didn't know him personally. Someone actually Emailed me to ask if I needed my meds checked, because I seemed so sad. Um, unless you're my doctor, go fuck yourself with your backhanded concern trolling. It's not necessary for you to Tweet to me that if he heard that I died, he wouldn't know who I was. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?!? Yes, James Gandolfini played a mobster on TV. That doesn't mean if you're sad about his death that you're glorifying the mafia for fuck's sake.

Do people think that's okay just because it's famous people, because we don't know them personally? That implies that we don't get attached to actors, musicians, comedians, or anyone else who creates the kind of work that impacts our lives. Then there's the obligatory "don't be so sensitive," on the rare occasion that I openly take issue with that. Yes, being sad about death is SOOOO inappropriately sensitive, right? That said, I still can't watch Crocodile Hunter without feeling sad, so maybe I'm just a hothouse flower. o.O

Besides, if you're hitting me up on FB or Twitter, or commenting on my blog, or Emailing me--you clearly have access to the Internets. When I was in college, I used to be very complimented when people would ask me random facts they wanted to know. The alternative would have been going to a library or something. Plus, I have a ton of intellectual vanity. Duh. But if you have every answer to every question on earth at your fingertips--why the fuck are you asking me to explain who someone is?

Ultimately, if you don't care about something you see other people caring about--you don't owe anyone an explanation. People are probably not thinking So and so didn't post about Harold Ramis, they must not care about busting ghosts! Whether it's sports or a death or American Idol, There's no need to interject your apathy when people are already hurting (or celebrating--because that happens too, and it's just being a pseudo-intellectual party pooper). Maybe it's not universal to think that kind of behavior is rude, unfeeling, or just completely unnecessary, but I'd be much obliged if everyone would keep it the hell away from me.

On that note, I leave you with one of my favorite bits from The Young Ones. Join us just after Rik accidentally kills Neil and buries him in the garden, where he grows into three Neils.

Okay, one more. Why are the kids crying? Rik is dead, the People's Poet is dead!
But then one sensitive and particularly articulate teenager says How can Rik be dead when we still have his poems?


*sigh* Rest in peace, funnyman. I will never get over not being able to see your performance as Peeves.
wednes: (Doctor Literally Too Stupid)
If I'm trying to be more positive, going on the internet after a polarizing news event is something best avoided. But no...I read all the stories including a transcript of that absurd manifesto. I read all through the #YesAllWoman tag on Twitter until it was hijacked by ugly haters. I fully expect all the pro-control v anti-control BS whenever there's a shooting. It often boils down to "Let's get guns out of the hands of criminals and crazy people" versus "Nobody and nothing has a right to get between me and mah gunz." I hear people fearing that someone will come take their guns away, but I've never heard anyone in authority actually say they wanted to do this.
Please correct me if I'm wrong--but there has been no restrictive gun legislation passed since Obama became president. We've done more to stop the scourge of baggy pants than that of gun violence. I don't know anyone personally who thinks no one should have guns, ever. Most people are more reasonable than that.

However, this latest massacre is more about men versus women. Or rather, who owes what to whom and what the unhappy party has a right to do when their needs aren't met. A few weeks ago, I was unfriended by someone who posted a friend-zone comic. The punchline indicated that the girl (who asked an angel for a nice guy to fall in love with) was called a bitch and told that she "friendzoned" him. I suggested that this "joke" was hateful and sexist, and was told in return that friendzoning works both ways and that it's nothing against women.

As a fat chick, I have to laugh. As a person who grew up with appallingly low self esteem, I had lots of crushes and came to think that I'd like myself better if a cool guy liked me. In my defense, I was a young stupid kid--sort of like this guy. I was also mentally ill, like this guy. But nobody ever tells guys who reject fat girls how "mean and shallow" they're being. Nor did anyone suggest that I "keep at him" or try to "wear him down" or "show him how amazing I really am."
No...I was told to lose weight, get nicer clothes, all manner of shallow shit. The point was that if men didn't like me, I was supposed to change myself rather than blaming the men. Of course, I didn't blame the men, I blamed my own perceived ugliness. But if chicks don't like a "nice" guy (never mind that nice guys aren't pro-torture and don't generally murder people in drive-bys) then they are bitches. And bitches deserve what they get. The internet aftermath and the teenage girl with a FB shooter fan page are evidence that plenty of people still have whacked views on male-female-relationships.

Like most of you, I expect a certain level of stupidity whenever I go online. What I don't expect to see are grown-ass men who say asinine things like "Men and Women have it equally bad." Speaking for myself, I literally do not know a woman who hasn't been raped, stalked, menaced, manhandled, or experienced other physical attempts to sexually control or manipulate them. I would be very surprised to learn that this is true of all men. Personally, I've been hit by several times as many men as I've actually taken a swing at.
It baffles me that there are men, even men who call themselves feminists, who honestly don't see that women have things foisted on them daily that men don't have to deal with. As a fat chick, I'm not sexually harassed often, but it's not like it doesn't happen. More often though, I'm treated as a non-entity because I have the audacity to present myself in such a way that strangers don't immediately want to fuck me at first glance. The nerve of that woman, not being sexy. Duh, being sexy is what women are FOR.

So yeah, agree or disagree about gun control, or mental illness. But to pretend that women aren't on the receiving end of a tidal wave of aggressive inappropriateness, or that we're often dismissed or laughed off when we call people out on it--? C'mon. If you really don't think that happens on a daily basis, you need to open your fucking eyes.
wednes: (Vyv ;-()
Most of you who know me are aware that my initial reaction to sad things is to feel angry. Much more familiar and comfortable. So when I found out that an old ex-boyfriend of mine killed himself, I was pretty pissed. First of all, he had kids who needed him and an ex who, as far as I could tell, was allergic to managing her own life. Secondly, he wasn't dying or in constant pain--which makes killing yourself a cowardly move. Third, he had plenty of judgemental and shitty things to say about me when we were together and I was horribly depressed and suicidal.

One might think I should have more compassion for him, especially given my own suicide attempts. But I don't. I can't. All I can think is Fuck you, you were surrounded by people who wanted to help you and you didn't even try.

I was living with this dude when I began the draft for what eventually became The Finster Effect. He's actually the character Blue LeRoy in that book, as well as Count Drunkula in A Stabbing for Sadie. He never knew it though, that's actually what I was trying to catch up with him to tell him. Procrastination never pays, kids!

Maybe I'm still angry because this guy was drunk, mean, and afraid to leave the apartment without a gun. He carried a .357 in his lunch pail. Seriously. Once, he hit me in the face because I told him if he offered his 10-year-old son drugs again that I was calling the cops. I went inpatient psyche when I lived with him--because I'm not exactly the picture of mental health myself. After we broke up, I had another fucked up relationship that ended pretty badly. Three years after that, I met H and it all came together.

I'm not surprised that he is dead--though I did think it would be from drinking or drunken shenanigans than anything pro-active. His son gave me the news, so I didn't want to ask for details. I'd be surprised to learn that it wasn't a gun-death. His son has depression as well, and I really, really hope he's able to find his way through it. That's the kind of history that should never repeat itself.

I don't even want to consider what it says about me that my overriding emotion here is that I'm glad I got the hell away. How gross is it that outliving someone should be seen as some sort of triumph? My life is far from perfect, and my choices far from flawless--but I am grateful to have a nice life that's full of love. I need to remember that more when I'm having bitchy little fits over shit that doesn't fucking matter.
wednes: (Growlers)
A classmate of mine died last night after having a stroke last week. He had a wife, kids, and grandkids. He was also the Other Fat Kid when we were in school. Hearing that he died from a combination of untreated high blood pressure and unmanaged diabetes--for lack of a better phrase, scares the ever-loving shit out of me. Not even because I'm SO into staying alive and doing stuff, or uber afraid of what happens when we die, but because I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and family who would be seriously bummed if I died too young from something I shouldn't.
In all honesty, what I would hate most about dying young is the stupid shit people would say about me Bringing it On Myself. You know, for being fat or smoking pot or whatever. People like to lash out when sad stuff happens--my mom was a champion at this. Feeling angry is always easier for me than feeling sad. But with the added death of Philip Seymour Hoffman (with a goddamn needle sticking out of his arm, no less) I am just not able to focus on anything but sadness. Drag, that. I actually have a ton of work to do.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to write 4 articles, 8 product descriptions, and a Millicent Mixter chapter in addition to having H time and cooking a dinner. Should be fun to see how much of that actually happens.

Dang.

Jun. 20th, 2013 06:39 am
wednes: (Sad)
I was shocked and saddened earlier tonight to learn of the sudden demise of James Gandolfini. Damn. He should have had at least 20 more years of acting ahead of him. By all accounts, he was an awesome guy who was warm and welcoming to everyone. If you heard some crap about how he wasn't--do us both a favor and keep it to yourself, at least as far as this blog is concerned.

Like most people, I will remember him best as Tony Soprano. Soprano was an infuriating character that met a predictable end. But damn, I couldn't stop watching. Gandolfini has been great in lots of stuff, most notably as Juror #6 in Billy Friedkin's excellent remake of 12 Angry Men, and as Carol in the tear-jerking Where the Wild Things Are. When I had crazy mafia dreams about the Sopranos, James Gandolfini was always my dad. Take from that what you will, I guess.

As if that wasn't enough to be sad about, Stephen Colbert came back tonight with a tear-filled and touching memorial about his mom. She sounds like one of those super strong women who weathered a hard life and always looked on the bright side. Plus, eleven kids? Damn. It's sort of uncomfortable to hear Stephen speak as himself rather than the character. As a viewer, I really only hear that when he's on another news show or if something is wrong.

In non-sad news, Under the Dome starts on Monday. I'll be pretty disappointed if it's not totally badass. I saw a pic of Stephen King on the set. That certainly bodes well. Plus it almost certainly means he did a cameo. Woot! Don't forget, I'm reviewing it for GeekBinge.

Oh, how's the writing going? Funny you should ask:

Damn.

Apr. 11th, 2013 07:32 pm
wednes: (Cat/Bird)
I am terribly sorry to hear of the passing of [personal profile] opalcat.

I plan to mock some stupid people in her honor.
And maybe be kind to someone too.
wednes: (Sad)
Stayed up all night working on the comic I got asked to do for a thing called Resilient Brainforest. It's basically a bunch of non-comic folks trying to tell a story with some words, and B&W pictures that we created ourselves.
I had this "brilliant" idea that I'd "just" draw a few things, have H scan them, and then photoshop them together into something cool.

Turns out, that's really fucking hard.
Not only can't I draw AT ALL, but because of certain factors, it was "easier" to do in Illustrator than Photoshop. Essentially I had to cut out all my shitty drawings, move them into new files with transparent backgrounds, then shade them. At that point, I could place the in an Illustrator template (which I also had to make myself--with some assistance from H). All and all it was at least 20 hours of labor and nearly twice that of freaking out about how shitty it was going to be. Then I couldn't find a picture of a house that I had the rights to. Not having a car is a pain in the ass when it's 3:30 in the goddamn morning and you CANNOT find a picture of a house.
Anyway, it's done now. 3 panels, two of which have visual stuff in it. The one other non-spouse human I've showed it to say it was pretty cool.


This morning I woke up and found out that some crazy guy shot up a midnight screening of Dark Knight. Reactions are as you'd expect. Mostly people are shocked and/or saddened. Some Republican assholes are crapping out soundbites about how the audience should have been armed so they could shoot back, or how this is all really an attack on Romney or a way to obfuscate judeo-christian teachings. No, I have NO idea how anyone could get there from a crazy man shooting movie patrons.

I also hear a lot of people, people I know even, calling this an act of "Evil." As my regular readers know, I don't believe there's a such thing as "evil" humans. We tend to call acts evil based on either how hurtful they are to other humans, or on how difficult it is to understand the so-called "evildoer's" motives or intentions. It's one of the reasons a kid who steals a car is tried as a juvenile but one who shoots someone is tried as an adult. Shooting someone is more serious in terms of consequences. But the act itself shows no more maturity or intent--especially when you're talking about a kid of 12 or 13.

But I digress. By dismissing things like this as Evil acts perpetrated by Evil people, we relieve ourselves of the need to understand, to dig deeper and find out what the hell is going on with someone who would do such a thing. Understanding is the only path to prevention. Evil is an excuse, a made-up construct we apply to horrible things we don't understand. It's as lazy as any other stereotyping, and hurts us all just as much. This is something I discuss in my books, this one in particular. If I am actually able to influence the culture with my work, I hope I influence people to dig a little deeper, to ask a few more questions, and to keep their minds open to the possibility that things are not as simple as they're pretending they are--especially when it comes to the wide world of the mentally ill.

Mentally ill people sometimes do horrible things. They sometimes do wonderful things, things no one else would ever think of doing. This has to mean that we have things to learn from them. Please, let us not squander that opportunity by dismissing every incomprehensible tragedy as a mere act of Evil.
wednes: (Zombie Cart)
Too late.
Stupid Monday.

My weekend was steeped in awesome, mainly owing to a lovely Saturday spent in the company of one of my favorite peeps ever, Grete. Other faves include Ames and Schwabby, who were kind enough to come by later for conversation and music and such. I drank a 20oz cherry coke and was totally hungover from it the next day. What was I thinking?!?

True Blood was not thrilling me. But last night's ep was pretty good. Unexpected use of the term "witchipoo" made me LOL. Haven't heard that since I stopped frequenting LJ comms like "pagan" and "Pagan snark." The incest thing was kinda funny, and I'm pretty stoked to hear what happens to Jason during the next full moon.

Have not reached a conclusion on how to handle the medical stuff. Going to try to get someone at Blue Cross to tell me how much this crap is gonna cost. All this chugging of Aloe Juice is neither tasty nor completely effective.

Was stoked to hear that Beavis and Butthead are coming back. Fuck you, Don Henley!
Oh, you don't know this story? In 1993, The Eagles released a Greatest Hits album--presumably because someone, somewhere actually doesn't feel they've heard Smugglers Blues and Hotel California enough times. Don "I wish I was Joe Walsh" Henley made some snide comments about their GH album being knocked off the chart by the Beavis and Butthead experience. This was long before Trey Parker and Matt Stone made the world realize that comedy can be expertly produced and painstakingly crafted. Henley: "Well, I guess I'll see you all at the 20-year Beavis and Butthead reunion." The joke being that no one would care about B&B in a few years. Now that they're coming back, I'm stoked as hell to see what Cornholio is up to--while not giving a rat's ass what (if anything) Don Henley does these days.

Busy week ahead. Tons of writing and socializing and such. This week's ZZN interview is the dudes from Zombie Go Boom! which is basically the mythbusters of Zombies.

Amy Winehouse. Bummer. And the internets are jerks.
My mom was one of those people who loved to blame victims for "bringing it on themselves." With me, she'd said that after robberies, assaults, thefts, bad relationships, even on-the-job sexual harassment. So I am pretty testy about the whole "blaming the victim" thing, particularly in cases involving mental-illness. Just because you can't see a chemical imbalance in someone's brain, does NOT mean that it isn't fucking them up. The idea that people just need to buck up and stop being so damn mentally-ill would be laughable if it didn't hurt so many people. Then again, some people have access to tons of knowledge and would honestly prefer to be pricks...you know, for the bolstering effect of being slightly taller due to standing on the bodies of those below.
wednes: (TV!!!)
Within say, an hour of this weekend's shooting, the Internet discourse devolved into a hateful screaming match about who is more responsible. I'm here to tell you that there is plenty of blame to go around.

Sure, there's plenty of violent rhetoric coming from the right. To rile up their angry, frightened, gun-and-scapegoat-loving base, conservatives do tend to employ a lot of aggressive language that many are citing as the impetus for this shooting. Now let me ask you this, how many of you have ever murdered someone because someone on TV told you to? Nobody? Okay, good. Now, how many of you have ever murdered someone because a couple people on TV, the internet, and politics suggested that you do so? Again, nobody? Awesome. Have you ever murdered someone (or even tried) because of a book, a song, a movie, a little devil on your shoulder, or a map with a bunch of cross-hairs on it? I thought not. That's because this is something disturbed people do. People who are not well acquainted with reality can sometimes take things more literally than intended, with ugly, horrible consequences. And of course, the Bible has been cited as the cause for many, man murders. So has Catcher in the Rye. But we don't dig up the corpses of Salinger or Jesus so we can hold them accountable, do we?

That said, I honestly do not think that Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, or Bill O'Reilly are actually glad that someone opened fire on a crowd. In fact, I bet they are horrified because they know full well that a lot of people will blame them for the actions of a lone loon. Yes, teabaggers are often also gun nuts. Yes, many are racists, homophobes, misogynists, etc. They are ignorant, misinformed, carry nonsensical misspelled signs, and are terrified of anything they don't understand. I think they are ludicrous, and need to shut up. I do NOT, however, think they are all okay with murdering people they don't agree with. In my opinion, gun nuts come in two basic stripes: Those who are nutty for guns the way that I am nutty for movies: enthusiastic, knowledgeable, passionate, are careful not to leave naughty things in reach of children. Then, there are the frightened, hateful types who keep tons of guns around because they are terrified that the gov't, the ter'rsts, the atheists, or whoever they're hating at the mo' are gonna come take their guns and kill their grandmothers or whatever. They cram the 2nd amendment down our collective throats and swear that they are nothing more than patriots who love their country...which must be the reason Sig Sauer puts out crap like this.

IMHO, the reason shit like this happens is largely due to the stigma surrounding mental illness. When we pretend that the ONLY diagnoses are "crazy" or "sane" and that telling someone they need mental help is a huge insult--we open the door for nuttiness to be confused with reality. This is exacerbated by denying poor people access to doctors and a general tenor in society that people who get help for mental issues are inherently less valuable, trustworthy, truthful, or reasonable than people who fervently pretend that they are fine. If you think spraying a peaceful crowd with automatic gunfire is a good way to get your point across, you're a loon. And you'd be a loon even if no one had ever heard of Sarah Palin or her endless chanting of "don't retreat, reload!"

Myself, I write exactly the sort of books that some loon might read the wrong way and think I'm telling him/her to murder someone or that "evil" is okay. They are crazy books, but like Michael Douglass in "Falling Down," they make an odd kind of sense. I do not advocate murder, nor do I believe in evil. Evil is a cop-out, just like Bill O'Reilly's version of god. I don't know what causes this, so it must be god/the devil/bob/evil/FSM. Like zero-tolerance policies, it is a short cut to thinking or having to decide things.

With all of that in mind, Fred Phleps and his ilk can fuck right off for their plans to picket the funerals of these people. I know I just said I don't advocate violence, but if I was a Christian and this guy kept telling people he was on the same side as me--I might well want to introduce his face to a jumbo roll of duct tape.
wednes: (Wednes Poison)
I recall taking a school field trip to some kind of naturey hiking preserve thing. Maybe third or fourth grade, I think. We spent a couple of weeks before hand learning about different plants and animals we were supposed to see. As soon as we drove into the drive of the place, I recognized a bird from class: the easily recognizable Red Wing Blackbird. It's a regular tiny black bird with a stripe of yellow, and another of red, on each wing. Stylish!
Since then, I have always had fond memories of that particular bird. So imagine my sadness when I learned that in Arkansas, thousands of these birds fell down dead, just before midnight on New Years Eve.

Why? They weren't sick. Sick birds don't fly. These were literally falling out of the sky. WTF, Arkansas? For reals.

Back to work today, and back to the grind. I am quite resentful of the fact that I even have to have this job. I'm continually irked at having to fix mistakes I didn't make, working with shitty cheap software on slow-ass machines. I said I was gonna quit on Jan 15th if I didn't get a holiday bonus. As it happens, I got a tiny one. Not even enough for H and I to see a movie, unless we levitate there and eschew getting a beverage.

In case you're interested, here's the new article I wrote on The Black Swan
wednes: (Reid Love)
Leslie Neilsen died, which if you're on the Internets, you probably already know. Sad, as I recently wrote an article about Creepshow for Zombie Zone News. He didn't even get a chance to comment on it. Frown.

My 40th birthday party was wicked awesome. I'd love to regale you with pics, stories, and tales of all the awesome people, gifts, foodstuffs, drinkables, and etc that went down. However, my corpal tunnel is out of freakin' control. Despite wearing my braces religiously, it hurts to type. In fact, the only really comfortable position for my hands is curled into a loose fist. Also, my pinkie fingers occasionally go numb even if I'm just resting my hands. Need to get an ergo keyboard for my laptop immediately. I am terrified of hand surgery, and tend to freak out about medical shit long before my doctor actually tells me what's going on. Seeing the doc on Weds. I'm so worried, I'm going at 9:25am instead of waiting a week.

The party was awesome though. All the food turned out great. It was our largest crowd ever, with many of my favorite peeps in attendance. Some came from far and wide just to be there. I got some beautiful gifts-- like a cool dream-catcher, a thing or two off my wish list, some lovely and/or hilarious cards. The outpouring of genuine affection was indescribably amazing. I'm not one to use the word blessed, so I'll just say I am fucking lucky. Here is me and just one of the incredible gifts I got:



Also had no voice to speak of *heh* when I woke up. After drinking tea all day, it's a bit better. So I'll have to go to work tomorrow, unlike today.
wednes: (Zombie SP Wednes)
How can you walk without rhythm once you start thinking about it? It's damn near impossible. The human mind seeks out patterns that are pleasing, and hangs on to them. Why do you think it's so easy to get earwormed. Crappy commercial jingles get stuck in your head even though you know it's just a song about a fucking hot dog.

But I digest... [sic]

Still a bit behind, numbers-wise.
But in all the ways that lead toward creating a kickass zombie novel?
Yeah...I'm way far ahead.

18107 / 50000
(36.21%)


Shit is about to go down.
For realz.

Fare thee well to Dino DeLaurentis, you magnificent bastard!
When I say, "Thanks for Everything," I primarily mean this*:

*By which I mean the film itself, not this particular aspect of it.
That part of it is actually kind of creepy...especially when she should have been getting it on with Timothy Dalton. Hell, even Deep Roy would have been less questionable.
wednes: (Sad)
Harlan Ellison is dying.
*bevy of emotional commentary*
I feel about Harlan Ellison the way any writer with a brain feels about him. He is god to us. Praise him. He inspired people who inspired people who inspire me. He doesn't pretend to like shit, and he doesn't hold back what he thinks even when the result is directly harmful to so-called networking. His integrity and commitment to his craft may be even more impressive than his work.

This is just the kind of attitude that makes my heart swell with admiration for him:

"My wife has instructions that the instant I die, she has to burn all the unfinished stories. And there may be a hundred unfinished stories in this house, maybe more than that. There's three quarters of a novel. No, these things are not to be finished by other writers, no matter how good they are. It could be Paul Di Filippo, who is just about the best writer in America, as far as I'm concerned. Or God forbid, James Patterson or Judith Krantz should get a hold of The Man Who Looked for Sweetness, which is sitting up on my desk, and try to finish it, anticipating what Ellison was thinking -- no! Goddammit. If Fred Pohl wants to finish all of C.M. Kornbluth's stories, that's his business. If somebody wants to take the unfinished Edgar Allan Poe story, which has now gone into the public domain, and write an ending that is not as good as Poe would have written, let 'em do whatever they want! But not with my shit, Jack. When I'm gone, that's it. What's down on the paper, it says 'The End,' that's it. 'Cause right now I'm busy writing the end of the longest story I've ever written, which is me."

Beneath my laughter and raucous applause, I am sad.
Thank you sir, for everything.

*sigh*

Nov. 25th, 2009 09:08 pm
wednes: (Default)
Here are a couple of pics from my birthday party. This is by no means everyone who was there, more of a random sampling. )

As you all know, I had a birthday recently. People were very generous; lots and lots of friends sent beautiful cards, thoughtful gifts, and heartfelt well wishes. That kind of thing makes me want to use an expression I never EVER use: it makes me feel blessed.
The party included a bunch of my co-workers, with whom I am just beginning to hang out with socially. I like a lot of them very much, which I do say pretty often around here. Also, the guy I had a crush on in junior high was able to come. We've reconnected via Facebook. He turned out to be a really neat guy. We disagree on political stuff--but respectfully. He's conservative, but he's not a loon. It's kinda cool.
I got a new TV for my birthday from that one friend I have who enjoys giving extravagant gifts. When I'm online shopping I often think Damn, if I was rich, I'd buy this for so-and-so. This friend is able to actually do some of that stuff. So now I have a 40" HD TV. It's rad. I need to read the manual, it's kinda huge.

I'm almost done holiday shopping. Just waiting for a new more gifts to arrive. I've never been done before Black Friday before. So that's neat. The holiday baking with begin soon.

I have until Sunday night to give my publisher the final revisions on the galley for Kiss Me Like you Love Me. I love the hell out of that book. I want it perfect. So one more going over should do it. I'm going to send it to myself so I can look over it at work. I'm working both Friday and Saturday, which is going to be really busy and sucky, I predict.

Sadly, my high school frienemy [livejournal.com profile] sith_lord died just after midnight on my birthday. It is a terribly sad story. I'll keep it short ) As if that wasn't shitty enough, my other frienemy, Cindy, has just been told that her COPD is "end stage." So she will almost certainly die within the year.

H's mom is sending me the memory card and card reader for the Zoom H2 Recorder I've been wanting forever. So...I decided I'd go ahead and buy myself one. I got it way cheap on amazon (almost $60 less than people who sell them locally) with free shipping. So it will be here in a week or two. Yay!

I gave up on V. I just didn't like it very much. Big Love is coming back in January. I have to rewatch Season one of Tru Blood so I can rerecord it. Hopefully they'll put it back On Demand soon. I have no idea who has my copy of season one (not to mention my Masterpiece Theater version of Jane Eyre) and it looks like at this point that I won't be getting them back. The Jane Eyre was a gift, so that sucks. From now on, everyone signs stuff out.

Tomorrow, chicken and stuffing, green bean casserole and good company. Yay!
wednes: (Default)
Photoshop gets my hopes up again with this story of a supposed giant Great White Shark, (to be confused with a White Pointer, because that's what they call them where Steve Irwin is from). Sad thing is, it's obviously manipulated, which makes me very sad.



I do so wish it was real. But it's pretty clear that it isn't. Too bad, because overfishing has killed off most of the bigger sharks, and they're getting pretty rare. *sigh*
wednes: (Default)
As you may have noticed from my avatar, I'm having the kind of week where virtually everyone I know can go fuck themselves. Tons of stupid, annoying, irritating shit bringing me down. Nothing major, nothing life changing, just an endless stream of petty bullshit and people irking the ever loving hell out of me. Plus, I have a ton of stuff to do and don't feel like doing any of it. And, it appears very unikely at this point that I will be able to get a table at the Vampire Ball. This makes me very sad.

Among everyone else, that chump at ABC news can kiss my ass. So excited to tell the Twitterverse that President Obama said something "controversial" (not that calling Kanye West a Jackass is particularly controversial--people seem to be in basic agreement about it) that he wiped his ass with established journalistic ethics. "Off the record" means precisely that. If you can't follow such a simple rule of basic respect, get the hell out of journalism and don't come back later on FOX "news."
It really pisses me off the lengths that people are going to make Obama look like a bad guy. His articulateness is described as elitism; his manners as weakness; his inclusiveness as well, I hate to use the term "race traitor" but that seems to be the basic message; and his desire to give all Americans access to basic human services is either communism or fascism depending on who is making the signs. It disgusts me. Tolerating the Patriot Act, not to mention an unjust illegal war while raising cain over helping middle class people keep thier houses? W.T.Fing.F?!?

And finally...

OMG!!!

Aug. 26th, 2009 11:29 pm
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New episode of LOST hits January 27, 2010.
It is entitled "LAX."

Oooooooooh, I am super stoked.


In violin news, I think the problem with tuning this violin is the humidity (or lack thereof) in my apartment. So I need to spend on some kind of humidifier. I still think the peg is bad because it shouldn't shrink that badly after just a few hours in my apartment. Of course, maybe I'm just saying that because I don't want to spend $30 on a case humidifier and a hygrometer. I guess I don't really know. But the fact that it's only one peg leads me to think the instrument bears some looking at. Some of the other pegs don't turn very smoothly, but I don't know if that's them or me.

Happened to find my 4th grade teacher on Facebook recently. She remembered me, which I guess is one of the good things about having a ridiculous name.

Remember a little while back when some jackass in Florida let his snake escape and it killed a little girl? Seems that he and the mother are being charged with manslaughter. I am glad to hear it. Not to be a bitch, but that girl would still be alive if they'd had the common fucking sense to latch the cage properly and maybe stack some books on top. My snake turned mean on me after we got the cats but he still never escaped. I was always really careful. I knew I couldn't live with myself if the snake every hurt one of my cats (or vice versa, but that wasn't very likely).

I was shocked and saddened to learn that a new power cord for my computer is $72. I don't have to pay for it, of course, thanks to the AppleCare. But jeez. And it's not like you can get by without one. Also, I got a new cord for H's camera, which I had lost. It doesn't work on my computer for some reason, it says it's drawing too much power and is going to "shut down the hub." Problem is, it was plugged in directly. It's a puzzlement, but I'm going to try a few things before I insist that they send me a new cord.

For some reason, my back has been hurting really, really bad lately. Not sure what that's all about, but I'm doing extra yoga to see if I can blast through it, so to speak.
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Several (read: many) people with journals completely in Russian have added me, then disappeared recently. Some of them are spammy things for hot girl on girl action, some are just weird. Anybody else getting this?

Python problem worsens in Florida. Python genocide in effect. Sad, but I've talked about this before. I do think it's dumb to mention the baby killed by a pet python in an argument about pythons in the wild. Their choice seems to be either kill the pythons, or watch as the pythons kill native species. When I read about it, I vacillate between feeling very sad, and hopping mad. It really, really bothers me.

In cheerier news, We're ALL GONNA DIE!!!! Brahmans must be losing their goddamn minds round about now. I gotta say, I'm not looking forward to the social discord that may well follow (or precede, I forget how that works) this thing. Anyway, keep your eyes peeled! Myself, I'm looking forward to watching footage of this amazing eclipse on the internets.

Speaking of Teh Internets, this next vid comes courtesy of a bunch of peeps on the Facebook. It used to be that people dreamed of having access to music or movie making equipment. Often, only lucky or well-connected people would be able to get near such things. This meant that people did not squander that access. Movies and music were mostly created for either serious self expression, or a serious desire to make money. Now that lots of people have access they are able to dick around with such equipment and do frivolous things with it. We, the viewer, are then treated to some amazing and wonderful stuff with (arguably) little or any cultural value. This, for example:



It's like some kind of wonderful grungy rick-rolling.
wednes: (Default)
In animal news, some stupid jackass in Florida let his python escape and it killed a little girl. Honestly, that's a crime so ridiculous it almost feels like they're using the snake to cover up a deliberate murder. What fucking moron doesn't know how to keep a snake from escaping? Oh right, the kind who shouldn't have one in the first place. In Florida, you need a permit to house a snake. Presumably, so you'll learn how to care for it properly. This asshat didn't bother to get one. Plus, when he saw the snake on the girl, he yelled at and stabbed it to get it off her. Here's the thing, if you read even one book on amateur herping, it will tell you that snakes have no pain sensors, and cannot hear sound in the air. So say again: Jackass.

Speaking of jackassery, H sent me a would be funny if it weren't so fucking sad vid of a 911 call where a guy felt "robbed" by a McDonalds. I have to say, both the guy and the 911 operators handled this badly. The caller should have been less of a stupid, selfish, immature, douchebag. The 911 op should have given the caller the non-emergency number. He didn't. Honestly, I've called 911 for non-life-threatening-emergencies because I didn't know the non-emergency number. Say, an enraged customer who has not threatened bodily harm, but whom I still want the fuck out of my store. Not a true emergency, but I've no time to go looking up numbers. Anyway, the biggest problem with this kind of behavior is that it's often cited when something like this happens.

In better news, I finished the third draft of Kiss Me Like You Love Me which, as I mentioned, is not based on anyone I know in real life. Seems to be some confusion on that, so I'm clearing it up once again. Anyway, it's perilously close to being done. Mmmmm...done.
wednes: (Default)
I could use a refresher course in the five stages of grief.

I was pretty bummed to see that Farrah Fawcett had died. In addition to being iconically beautiful (if skinny blondes are your thing, I mean) she starred in the amazing and powerful The Burning Bed. It totally opened people's eyes about some of the realities of domestic violence. I also really respected how publicly and openly she addressed her own illness when she got sick. Even though this is a total cliche, I find it brave to put yourself out there like that. It really does help people to know they aren't alone. Plus, Logan's Run is wicked awesome. ;-]

Our internet was out for the last 3 hours of my shift at work today. So I was already home when I found out that The King of Pop had died. Honestly, it never really occurred to me that he could die. Yes, he's a human being and all, but Michael Jackson is SO iconic that he almost seems like a mythical figure. I mean, even Santa Claus shows up at the local mall every now and again. MJ was even more elusive and the things people said about him were sometimes...well, fucking crazy. I never believed that he molested children, he was always far too much like a child himself. I also think it's more likely that he was completely asexual.
I can totally recall hearing a rumor that he slept in some kind of hyperbaric chamber and thinking "Hmmm...that's kind of weird, but he's super rich, those guys are crazy." When I heard he had basically his own zoo and amusement park of his own, I thought that was kind of odd, but still basically believable. There were rumors of him going into space, being best buddies with Brooke Shields and Emmanuel Lewis, all totally accepted as fact even though it sounded incredible. But in the early 90's when a woman came forward and said Michael Jackson got her pregnant, not one single person I knew believed it, not for a second. I find a great and hilarious irony in that.
I've never been what you'd call a huge MJ fan. I owned Thriller when it came out, and listened to most of his popular stuff from the Jackson 5 onward through, I guess Bad. I enjoyed most of his danceable stuff, and especially liked that he never said No to Weird Al Yankovic. Fifty is pretty young to die. Older than many people, I suppose, but still...he kept the fact that he was sick basically a secret. It was hard to tell if he was sick for real or if it was just another crazy Michael Jackson rumor. Time will tell I guess.

Anyway, here's Lego Thriller.
Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that my posting of this YouTube in no way endorses a belief in the occult. My rampant Paganism does that just fine by itself. ;-]

wednes: (Default)
So...waterboarding is legal, is it? I guess that's what the courts have said recently. So no one responsible for ordering torture, or actually torturing someone is going to answer for it.

And Dr Tiller's family is not planning to reopen his clinic. Sad.
I guess in this case, the terrorists win.

Meanwhile the murderer of Dr Tiller has proclaimed that there are many more acts of domestic terrorism planned, but he wouldn't give specifics.

So I must ask: why aren't we waterboarding this sick fuck?
If it's legal and therefore morally correct, what's the problem?




Obviously, I do not support torture. But so many people are screaming about how torture is justified with terrorists and even that to NOT torture them makes one a "terrorist sympathizer." Does this only apply to brown terrorists? Only to foreigners? I honeslty don't get it. This guy is a murderer and intent on using fear and violence to get his way. Ergo, he's a terrorist. Last I heard, we had a War on Terror in this country. So, if you're okay with torture, what's the problem with torturing this fucker to keep more doctors from being murdered?
wednes: (Default)
...but I can't. Poor Grasshopper.

Serious badass may have died the same way as total 80's douche. Personally, I think what a man wants to do with his crank when he's alone in a room is SO not anyone else's business. I also think it is disgusting and unnecessary to publish this kind of "news" so soon after his death (please then, overlook the irony of my posting about it). What's the point of trying to make David freaking Carradine look like some kind of perv? Is it just because he's from a famous Hollywood family? Because Kwai Chang Caine was so wicked awesome that he needs to be brought down to the level of the common man? No, it's mainly because he's dead and can't stand up for himself. How much quality entertainment has this man given us? Lots. So why make him out to be a freak? Honestly, if we knew what average people really did (or fantasized about doing) sexually in their real lives, EVERYONE would seem either completely freaky, or totally repressed.

I am duly intrigued by the story of William Kurelek whom I've only been made aware of today. Apparently, he was a schizophrenic with amazing artistic talent. Maybe I should say he was a talented artist who also had schizophrenia? He sounds utterly fascinating and I'm trying to find a short film that was made about him in the 80's. One of the most interesting facts about him is that he supposedly found answers to his spiritual problems by converting to Catholicism. Not to be a smart ass, but I've never actually heard of that happening before. Frankly, I don't know how any adult could accept the teachings of Catholicism unless indoctrinated from an early age. Then again, Poppy Z Brite has recently converted to Catholicism, and I don't really understand that either. We pagans are not fans of arbitrary sex rules, tithing, or institutionalized bigotry.

Had some time off earlier this week. Now I'm paying the price. Worked today, work tomorrow, on-call on Sunday. Our website is gonna be down and some of us have to come in to take orders by hand. I know, right? It's gonna suck nard, as the kids say (or said in the 90's). Anyway, if it's busy I told them they could call me and I'd come in. Hopefully, it'll be nice and slow.

Hopefully this week I'll finally be able to watch Pontypool with H. We've been meaning to check it out for a while now. Anybody heard anything about it, good or bad? It is, apparently, about zombies.
Also, why does IMDB suck so bad anymore? Lots of annoying and intrusive ads, the "Pro" feature that you are supposed to pay for to get info on movies still in development, and even stupider people commenting in the forums.

And finally, Jolly Rancher cherry soda is surprisingly bad. Silly me, I expected it to be a cherry jolly rancher in soda form. No dice. It tastes more like carbonated cough syrup. Just as well, as I'm not really drinking sugar sodas much anymore.
wednes: (Default)
White Tiger kills zookeeper while tourists watch.

So...the animal lived it's whole life in captivity in what were reported to be cramped and crowded conditions. And when it exercised its natural instincts, it was put down. I don't want to say it's not tragic when a person dies just doing their job. But man...wild cats are NOT meant to be kept in cages. And whaddaya know, it led to death of both a person and a rare animal.
Plus, this particular tiger was killed after the attack had ended. I can understand shooting a tiger if it's actively attacking someone, or even if it is loose in a crowd of people. People say that once they see people as food, they will be more likely to attack us. I say that big cats already see us as food, and that it's fucking stupid to ever assume otherwise. Just ask Roy Horn...or don't, that guy is crazy.

Apparently the guy running the park was investigated by NZ's Ministry. After assessing the animal's conditions and surroundings, they considered putting 40 of them down. There were 42 big cats being housed there at the time. I guess being some kind of famous "Lion Man" doesn't necessarily make you a competent zookeeper.

This is, as it happens, the second recent White Tiger attack in a zoo. Last November, a cleaning guy in Singapore got mauled to death by two white tigers. People thought at the time the guy might have been "crazy" or suicidal. As he's dead, they still don't know. Anyway, here's the cell phone footage of the Singapore attack. Warning: this is actual footage, with sound, of a guy being attacked by tigers and people reacting to it. It is truly horrifying to watch, so much so that you might not want to. Seriously.



The difference between the Singapore attacks and most others is that Singapore Zoo determined that the attacking tigers would NOT be put down. They said they were acting "naturally."

Of course a year earlier, a Siberian Tiger escaped from its enclosure at San Francisco Zoo. It killed a zoo patron and attacked two others before being shot dead by police, who for some reason, were on the scene before zookeepers. Later, it was determined that not only were the victims taunting the tiger, but also that the enclosure did not remotely meet current zoo standards for tigers. So again, a person and an animal died.

I think I've mentioned, I'm torn on the whole zoo thing. There is certainly value in providing sanctuary for animals who can't live in the wild for one reason or another. Breeding and acclimation programs for endangered animals is generally a good thing. And teaching future generations about the beauty and importance of having animals in the wild is also very important. Zoos are doing better and better when it comes to providing healthy habitats for most animals. When I was a kid, pants-wearing monkeys smoked cigars and rode tricycles at Detroit Zoo. Now they fling poo just like real monkeys (kidding, only captive monkeys do this). Still, wild animals in captivity is a big fucking drag.

Okay, enough about that. It's my day off and I have another character to kill.

Holy Crap!

May. 9th, 2009 07:17 pm
wednes: (Default)
Peter Tork has cancer.

Man...that is a fucking drag.

Methinks I shall watch Head later on.



Also, does anybody know what's going on with H2? No, they aren't making a sequel of my husband. It's actually a sequel to Rob Zombie's Halloween which I did not entirely hate. The trailer is out, but it's dark and doesn't reveal very much at all. For some reason, Sheri Moon Zombie is in it even though she died in the last movie. Come to think of it, Michael also died...so WTF?
Anyway, it comes out in August and I will almost certainly see it despite its purported mediocrity.
wednes: (Default)
Not really "feeling it" today. Don't want to go to work. Don't feel able to write. Not wanting to be social or productive and am really just forcing myself to do regular, normal stuff. In short, I'm very depressed. And I'm sick to death of it. Had to postpone my doc appointment due to finances, but hopefully I'll be able to go next week.

H and I watched the BattleStar Galactica finale last night.
My spoilery thoughts on the matter )That said, I can't imagine we'll watch Caprica. I don't even know who the Greystone's are.

I also caught the Big Love season finale last night. I have to say, I feel bad for Albee. With Roman as his father, I don't see how he could have become anything other than what he is. Nicky is a different story, as she has had the unconditional love of a family for quite some time now, and she keeps fucking up. I think Bill is in the right there. Joey's whole deal was a surprise, though of course it makes a lot of sense. I really do enjoy that show, though even for HBO, a ten episode season is pretty punk.

The latest word on Daniel Radcliffe's stunt double is that he will be a quadriplegic. It's very sad, the poor kid was only 25. I guess they've finally repoened the set and have resumed filming.

Bummer

Feb. 12th, 2009 08:09 pm
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Technical difficulties prevented me from doing my radio appearance tonight.
They will reschedule me next month...but we will no longer be having the half-off sale then.

Dang.
wednes: (Default)
Funnily enough, I was just watching The Naked Gun on cable, and now it's non-murderous* co-star is dead. Adeiu, Ricardo Montalban. Know in your heart that I have a bunch of movies in my collection with you in them, like Wrath of Khan, Escape to and Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, and the aforementioned Naked Gun. And you know, 88 is a rich, full life. He was married to the same woman since 1944 until she died in November of 2007. That is an insanely long time. I should be lucky to have half so much time with H.

*the other co-star being Orenthal J Simpson. Not to be confused with H.



I've been working on book publicity things all day. New tip sheets for both books, new book signing proposal letter, and new compilation of reviews. I sent a bunch of pics to [livejournal.com profile] gusterize who is designing my website. I'm also working on the bio for the site, not sure what all I want to include. I need to read a bunch of other authors sites to see what kind of things people are putting in their bios. Is it possible to be zany and professional? I hope so. I also have a new list of independent bookstores I'm going to try to get signings at.

Still very frustrating to hear that other writers from my publishing house are getting Borders signings, and I still can't. It's like ramming your head against a brick freaking wall.

Also, [livejournal.com profile] swayworn: that music you sent me was wicked awesome. I finally had a chance to sit down and listen to it. My socks were sufficiently rocked. So many thanks for that.

FYI

Nov. 13th, 2008 01:26 am
wednes: (Default)
Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
23,155 / 50,000
(46.3%)


Also, rest in peace, Mitch Mitchell...
wednes: (Default)
Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
8,607 / 50,000
(17.2%)


It's been slow going, as I've just barely be keeping up with my wordcount. I have to break 10K today, and am going to try to get some of that done at work. Hopefully it will be slow enough for me to do that.

Here's a pic of me taken many years ago, I think when I was living at the Heathen Ranch in Saline.

It's of me, with my giant glasses and Ames ([livejournal.com profile] kissdbyagnome), who performed my wedding ceremony. Nice, no?

In sadder literary news, Michael Crichton died at only 66. I've got to think he had a few more novels in him. Prey was supposed to be made into a movie years ago...I wonder what ever happened with that. Movies of his books tend to make a lot of money.

Per Chris Baty, I'm supposed to be making a list of things I love in novels:
Insane but loveable characters
gruesome murders
suspense
insight into character's past
drug use esp pot smoking
things that make me want to suspend disbeleif

things I hate:
too similar to last novel by same author
miraculous recoveries
religious overtones
trite retells of old monsters: vampires, werewolves etc
unbelievably happy endings

What's on your list?
wednes: (Default)
I wrote six pages of NaNo story single spaced last night while I was at work. Yes, that was a bit early but it was so slow and boring that a shot at character development actually turned into a chapter. The universe wasn't having any of that, and it all vanished when I Emailed it to myself. I got the first 250 words, the rest was gone. I have no idea why, I saved it several times as I was writing. So I say: Gods Damn It!!!

I'm working on it but I'm not very focused, as evidenced by the fact that I'm posting instead of writing.

Pretty bummed to hear about Studs Terkel, I mean what a guy, right? Though I have to say, 96 is a rich, full life. I'd have no complaints if I lived his life with that level of integrity and moxie.

Also somewhat bummed to know that Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from films. He's in some of my favorite movies, like To Die For and Clay Pigeons. I always thought he should play a vampire in something, but it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I'll watch Quills or something today...
Quills is an awesome fucking movie.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
550 / 50,000
(1.1%)


I know, pretty pathetic. But I'm not done for the day yet. I don't think I'll be going out until much later, if at all. I could sort of go for IHOP, so I hope whoever I see tonight wants to go to IHOP.

FEED ME!!!

Oct. 17th, 2008 04:55 pm
wednes: (Default)
Sad times, as Levi Stubbs of the Four Tops is dead at age 72.

Levi may be best remembered as the voice of Audrey II in the musical movie version of Little Shop of Horrors. So just imagine that I'm not at work and I took the time to dig up an awesome pic of the carnivorous plant for you all. Oh, ta heck with it, here:



In other news, I have but one single lonely review of The Cat's Apprentice over at Amazon. That is so sad...and I need more. So as soon as you crazy kids have read your books, please make like [livejournal.com profile] groovesinorbit and leave me a review.
wednes: (Default)
...where no one lives forever. The Great movie announcer Don LaFontaine has died at the age of 68. Not only is that a total drag, but it makes me ponder the notion of death--ages of death specifically. As I kid, I would have thought 68 was pretty old. But for dying, 68 seems VERY young to shuffle off this mortal coil. Don never cared that no one knew his name, because EVERYONE knew his voice. RIP Don.



In novel news, you have much less time than I thought to preorder The Cat's Apprentice. Just until the 11th. After that you'll get a regular copy that you'll have to send off to get signed. I'm still happy to do it, and I still think it's silly to want my autograph. :-]

Get that?

You have ONLY until September...wait, lets say the 10th to order The Cat's Apprentice.

Off you go, then.

By the way, why does anyone give a rats ass about Sarah Palin's knocked up daughter? I agree, it goes a long way toward proving that abstinence-only education doesn't work. But seriously, who in their right mind ever thought it would? Besides, there are plenty of other great reasons not to vote McCain.
wednes: (Default)
Another author at my publishing house secured a Borders signing without the BINC number every Borders in Ann Arbor has assured me I need to get a signing. My sales are stupid low, as pretty much everyone I know who intends to buy a book has already bought one. My commercial is doing shit for business despite how much it costs, and there are over a million books on Amazon doing better than mine.

Couple that with the fact that pretty much no one was interested in the FREE zombie story I posted at MySpace, nor the deleted Sadie chapter I posted here. I know I don't post these things for the purpose of collecting comments, but I did expect that some of you would be at least a little excited about the previously unseen chapter.

Maybe that's my problem, I'm not making people get excited about the book.
My new book is coming out in September, and it's nowhere near as good as the Sadie book.
So it's not going to do nearly the sales that Sadie did, which as I mentioned, were alarmingly low.
I swear I'm gonna be stuck selling violins and living in an apartment for the rest of my fucking life.
Fie!

The rest of the world appears to be up in arms over the Obama New Yorker cover. I must admit I was initially offended by it. But it's not as if the New Yorker is calling Obama a muslim extremist, not really. It's actually a great compliment to be on the cover of the New Yorker, I wouldn't sneeze at it, no matter how I was depicted. Of course it's easy for me to say that seeing as how it will never happen. Anyway, I guess the New Yorker is much cleverer than me...which is why once I again, I didn't quite "get it." But I guess it's a satire of how people keep trying to derail Obama's campaign with depictions of him as a Muslim or terrorist sympathizer. I guess there are still people who are offended by Obama's not wearing a flag lapel pin. Asinine! It amazes me how fucking gullible people can be.

wednes: (Default)
I wouldn't normally put so much profanity in a title, but today it is apt. For the hero of my generation (and my parent's generation too, but who's counting?) has died of heart failure at the age of 71.

Carlin is one of the funniest guys ever, and even though he became damn bitter in his old age, he remains a class act. And like a lot of comedians, he did a lot of coke which negatively impacted his health. Still and all though, living to 71 is not a bad run. I should be so lucky.

So George, thank you for the laughs, the social commentary, the dirty words, and the differences between baseball and football. You're a classic!

In Wednes news, I was up all night with a terrible pain in my side. It was on the right side of my lower back. It eventually went away, but I got no sleep and I'm worried now what kind of new illness is befalling me. Kidney stones? Appendixitis? Could be anything, but the next time I have it, I'll likely go to emergency. It was THAT painful.

Found out I have to work the Saturday after 4th of July. Kind of scraps my plan to have a party. But when H's sister comes to town we are def having a gathering.

Dang.

Jun. 16th, 2008 10:09 pm
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Stan Winston died.

He was only 62.
wednes: (Default)
You know, I'm not a big gun person, but I always thought Michael Moore was very rude to Charleton Heston when he was shooting his little anti gun movie. While I agree with the sentiment, I don't abide rudeness. Heston was kind enough to invite Moore to his home for an interview, and Moore acted like a pompous arrogant jackass with a monopoly on truth. I was embarrassed to be a liberal when I saw it.

Now Mr Heston has shuffled off this mortal coil, and will be sorely missed by the movie community. I could go on and on about Planet of the Apes, The Ten Commandments, Omega Man or Soylent Green. But I won't. Instead I'll mention his hilarious cameo in Wayne's World 2, and his hilarious cameo in the remake of Planet of the Apes. He was a good guy, with a good sense of humor about himself, and I am bummed to hear of his demise.

As for me, I went to La Shish for lunch and ate enough lamb to feed a...well, I had a healthy amount of lamb. I've decided that I love kibbee. I also picked up my copy of The Mist which I have already watched. It mind fucked me just as well the second time around. Fine film...
wednes: (Default)
...that I don't have one single review up at Borders, OR Barnes & Noble. I begged, I pleaded, I sent out individual Emails and made people promise to leave me a review at either Borders or Barnes & Noble. And still I have none.

*sniff sniff*

This books stuff is really important to me, you know?
Because it's probably the most important thing I'll do in life.

But there is good news:
How long could you survive in the vacuum of space?
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I've got a half a mind to go to Best Buy and buy The Mist.
Damn, that was a good movie.
wednes: (Default)
According to VH1, Scott Baio turned out to be a borderline creepy, self-centered asshole with horrendous taste in friends. He lacks even the most basic sense of other human beings and is almost sociopathic. He surrounds himself with skanks whenever possible and is basically just a vile human being, pretending to "change" in a transparent effort to seem likeable.

And for whatever reason, that really bumms me out.

I'm hoping that they are editing the show to make him look like more of a dick than he actually is.



Nevermind why I'm even watching that damn show in the first place.

*sigh*

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