wednes: (Default)
You know how online, someone you kind of know will make a joke using dry wit or sarcasm?

And if you notice that they're doing that, you might play along?
Because humor is humorous and jokes are jokey?

But then you do that, and the other person explains to you that they were "only joking?"

And you're like "I know that. I was joking too--you know, because of the joke."

And they're like "Oh, right. Okay, yeah...that joke I was making."

By then, the joke isn't remotely funny any more--and I'm just vaguely uncomfortable.

True Story.

Walking

Apr. 14th, 2013 06:24 am
wednes: (Count Thumps Edward)
I like to take walks at this time of day (6am). I took one this morning after an oddly timed nap (less than half a brownie was WAY too much, apparently). There weren't many people around except random dog walkers. I chatted with one this morning, nice guy. Nobody I'd talked to before. Then this happened:

*chat, chat, chat*

They: "Are you married?"

Me: Yes

They: "How long?"

Me: *tells him*

They: "You guys have kids?"

Me: Nope, just some cats.

They: "That's good."

Me: ... I'm sorry?

They: "I don't wanna talk out of turn, but you shouldn't be having babies with a guy who's...like that."

Me: Like what?

They: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. You have a good day now." *walks away with dog*

Me: *thinking* WTF, seriously? If I knew the guy or knew he knew who H was, I'd assume he was racist. But I didn't know what the hell to think.

I came home and was pretty pissed off. I went into the bathroom to splash some water on me, and see that while I was napping, my recently touched up blue hair left a bit of a smear on my cheek and to the left of my eye. In low light, it looked like someone beat the crap out of my face.

So in reality, my neighbor was trying to be a nice guy. In retrospect, it would not have been ridiculous for him to have reacted even more strongly. I want to correct this impression of my wonderful husband, but I didn't even ask the guy his name--so I have no idea who he is. He's the guy with some kind of doberman mix on the other side of the complex.

Sorry, neighborman. You're alright by me!
I promise, NOBODY smacks me around.
wednes: (Wizard or the Skull)
There's this thing I used to say back in college:

Are you kidding?
I smoke so much weed,
the Zig Zag guy has a tattoo
of ME on HIS arm!


Bahahahahaaa!

I'm kind of feeling like that right now, because the Hash Bash is following me on Twitter.


wednes: (Queen of <3's)
I meant to have H take these pics and post them over the weekend. But them my weekend got kinda wild. Plus you know, I'm not in the habit of posting pics of my whole self online. As much as I talk a good game about fat acceptance, I'm still rather fearful of what haters will say to a fattie like me--because I secretly fear that whatever it is, they are right. That I'm a fatty-fatty-two-by-four (thought what the hell kind of FAT measurement that is, I do not know) who deserves a steaming cup of derision. Yeah...still working on that.


But you know what? Fuck it.
This is what I look like in my new Max pajamas.
No makeup, hell, I didn't even shower today.

And look how goddamn happy I am!

Wolf girls in da house represent!
(I uh...didn't have a scepter handy)

So yeah...I'll eat you up, and soforth.
wednes: (Queen of <3's)
Last Halloween, I was looking for cool costumes in my size. My size is pretty large, so it's no easy task. Even so-called plus-size costumes are not always prepared to meet the awesome power of my ass. Curse you, fashion industry!

Well, I happened to find footie pajamas that are also a costume of Max from Where the Wild Things Are in my size. IMO, this is the greatest book by one of the 3 greatest picture book authors (the triumvirate being rounded out by Shel Silverstein and Dr Suess). The themes are classic and timeless--I won't bore you by going on and on about how awesome it is. I've met exactly one person my entire life who doesn't like this book, and he's a friggin' mental case.

Max would be a great costume for me. But then, it's not very scary and I didn't actually end up doing anything for Halloween that year. I didn't see any reason to spend the money, especially with money being sorta tight.
After a while, they went on sale. They still had my size, and I thought about it again. I also learned that in addition to being a costume, it is also comfortable knit pajamas. But no, it really is a silly thing to spend on. I refrained.

As you have probably guessed by this point, the Max costume (which is actually pajamas) went on double-secret-crazy sale, and became roughly the cost of a hardback book. Inexplicably, almost creepily, they still had them in my size. I'm beginning to noodle exactly what sort of non-me person would want grown-up size Max pajamas. Hmmmmm...

The important thing is, they'll be here by next week.
Pics?
wednes: (Stabbity)
It's come to my attention that I've been doing comics for Resilient Brainforest for 6 whole months, including the initial one-pager about fireflies rescuing their comrade who is caught in a mason jar.
I know, right? With that in mind, I've decided it's time to go ahead and post a teaser for the comic I've been doing.
Stig & the Puppetman are two serial killers who share an apartment in the Big City. Stig murders women and cooks them into stew. Puppetman drives an ice cream truck and likes to turn children into fanciful marionettes.
Every month, our fearless editor gives us a theme. I've been turning that theme into a 3-4 page comic. This month, the theme is SEX. So here's a snippet from page one:



You will note that I am not an artist, even in the loosest sense of the word. Still, I think it's pretty funny.
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
A friend of mine loaned me a hardback book a week or so ago. It was something I'd been meaning to read--so good on that. I was sort of struck by how huge it seemed, even though it wasn't. It was a normal-sized hardcover book of about 350 pages or so. I'd just gotten very used to the Kindle, so a normal size book seemed ridiculously huge to me.
Odd...seeing as how it wasn't that long ago that I read all the Harry Potter books in hardback.

Anyway...I left the book on my coffee table. This is also where the cats drink their water. It is one of the many ways that I am slowly turning into Eleanor Abernathy Springfield's most notorious "Crazy Cat Lady." But it's the only way to get them to drink enough water.
A day or so later, I pick up the book and notice that there's ink on the corner directly facing the cat's water. Sure enough, there turned out to be a large watermark on the back cover and on the top right corner of 30 or so pages of the book. Blue ink from the cover bled all over the pages.

I felt like a complete asshat. I, of all people, who have had SO many books, movies, toys, etc. ruined by other people's pets, children, cars, bathtub mishaps, and even an angry fireplace burning--I let something terrible happen to somebody else's book.

I looked at it. Damn it to HELL, it's a first edition! It's gonna cost a fortune to replace, I bet. It's a popular book. Losing no time, I rush over to Amazon. To my delight I found an identical copy for less than $12 including the shipping. And I'll probably get to keep the damaged copy to read. It's perfectly readable. It's just in an unacceptable state in which to return a book.

It's due to arrive tomorrow. Crisis averted, right?

Today, I see my friend and sheepishly tell her what happens.
Her response?

"Oh, it was already like that. I got it at a used bookstore."

*Cue hilarious trombone of acquiescence* Wah Waaaaaaaaaah

And then we watched Tombstone with my great Hollywood love, Bill Paxton. I'm watching a ton of Paxton movies this week, because he's just dreamy!

True Story.
wednes: (Peanut Butter/Jelly)
I think Daniel Tosh is pretty funny. I'm also a fan of Family Guy, South Park, and a few other humorous programs that are largely aimed at boys in their 20's. I further think that Trey and Matt, Seth McFarland, Dave Chapelle and Daniel Tosh are much smarter than they appear and some are masters at their particular craft. (Okay, Tosh is no John Oliver, but he's getting there.) This week, rape-victims and non rape-victims alike have raised their collective voices in declaring blood feud against Daniel Tosh after an incident during a recent stand-up gig.

Let's start with the amusing headline Daniel Tosh wishes rape on heckler, shall we? A stand up comedian is doing some stand up comedy. The comedian is Daniel Tosh, and some of the comedy is about rape. Carlin did rape jokes, as did Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Wanda Sykes, and plenty of other people whose names escape me at the moment. And some woman in the audience thought she ought to tell Tosh that "rape jokes are never funny." Apparently, she thought was the US Secretary of Comedy or some shit...

Forbidden Humor is a conversation I've had with plenty of passionate, well-meaning people of both genders. In brief, I think:
--No topic should ever be completely off limits for comedy.
--Comedy is FAR too valuable as a coping tool for anyone to create an arbitrary standard for which subjects no one may be allowed to take lightly.
--There's a difference between "this isn't funny to me" and "joking about this is morally wrong."
--Saying no subject should be off limits is NOT the same as defending any particular joke regardless of taste, hate-quotient, cruel intent, or ignorance.

As to this particular incident, I can understand why people are upset. But I reject the characterization that Tosh "wished rape" on a woman because he heckled her back. If you find tasteless jokes upsetting, going to see Tosh seems like a dumb thing to do. If you didn't know how offended you'd be, the polite thing to do is to leave quietly if it becomes too much for you. If you're SO offended that you feel you have NO OPTION other than to interrupt someone's rehearsed performance, by all means feel free to do so.
But bear in mind though that you've voluntarily climbed into the hot seat, surrounded by people who have paid good money to cheer the other guy. He has to keep control of the room or he's sunk. What kind of a reaction was she expecting? Would it have been less rude of him to tell her to go the fuck home?

So no, Tosh heckling back during a set of rape jokes does not really equal him "wishing" that some rude woman in a club gets gang raped...at least not to anyone who's ever met a human being before. We all say stupid shit when we're flustered, tired, angry, nervous, whatever. Granted, Tosh has a long history of tasteless jokes and plenty of things that anger feminists. And like my experiences with American Psycho, I can't fucking stand it when my liberal feminists pals feel like they get to judge me or label me as "part of the problem," or the omnipresent threat of unfriending all who disagree. Yeah, that's why America has free speech, so we can refuse to talk to each other like a bunch of fucking playground babies if we disagree and are also angry...that'll solve everything.

From my own experience, I've been heckled while speaking to a crowd. I heckled back, and know that someone laughed somewhere in there. After the speech, I needed to ask other people what I'd actually said because I had no fucking idea. I was so nervous I wanted to puke. I could have called my heckler a lesbian Hitler in blackface and I wouldn't have fucking remembered.

Let's look for a mo' at what this heckler had to say for herself: I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape.

Ah, so essentially, she didn't want to be disruptive, she had to. Being polite was against her values...her values that said she needed to let a comedian know in the middle of his act that she didn't find him funny. And when the guy trying to perform had the nerve to disagree, her values dictated that she continued to argue with him. You know, for all rape victims everywhere...or something.

Honestly, I'm not trying to mock her. I'm trying to point out how stupid it is to make some sort of ridiculous faux stand in a rude way and then attack the performer because his off the cuff reaction was no less to your liking than his prepared remarks. No one is forcing you to hear comedy that you don't like. And comedy that you don't like isn't hurting you. And making a joke about rape isn't the same as laughing AT someone who's been raped.

Was Tosh's joke tasteless? Sure, probably. Does him making that joke necessarily mean that he delights in violent sexual assault and daydreams about his hecklers being sodomized? No.
Does this woman need to be "less sensitive?" Also No. But if she doesn't like a show, she should not see it, or protest through the usual channels, or tell Tosh after the show, or be ready for a shitstorm when she starts one.
Honestly, some of the stuff on Tosh's show grosses me out and I have to turn away lest I start gagging. See how that works, I can stop watching something instead of insisting that everything my eyes can see has to tailor itself to my specific tastes. Ahhhhhhhh...merica!

EDIT: (Saturday morning, 3:34am) I didn't think this needed explaining, but apparently it does. The Daniel Tosh you see on TV and in stand-up is a character. You know, like the way Stephen Colbert plays a character. Yes, it's a radically different character. But it's baffling to me how many people honestly think that Tosh was literally saying that he'd enjoy and find humor in a woman being violently gang raped in front of him. And more baffling considering how many of the people going batshit about it are every bit as sarcastic as Tosh. Oh, sarcasm isn't supposed to be taken literally? You don't say? I presumed that if the subject matter was uncomfortable, I was supposed to assume everything said is intended literally. Else how can I show my solidarity/support for rape victims?
I'm also growing weary of the overwhelming percentage of people who feel they must quantify their remarks by revealing whether or not they've been raped. That's just weird to me. I don't get it.

Apparently I also need to point out that I don't think rape is hilarious as a rule. I understand fully that it's a horrible thing, a serious issue, and something all men should be taught from childhood is a gross violation of the very concept of humanity. That's exactly why it can be vital to use humor to address, diffuse, and deconstruct so-called rape culture. While one could certainly argue that this was not Tosh's intention, look at the discourse that's happened due to this event. It ranges from mindless to profound, and rises to the level of a internet trollish car wreck, but people have discussed rape more in the last three days since the last time they tried to arrest Julian Assange.
And SOME people have to walk away from that with a greater understanding of the issues surrounding rape than they had going in.
wednes: (Snakes on a Plane)
H wanted to watch Flash Gordon today while we were eating our pancakes.
We decided that Flash really could use a Hollywood facelift.
As such, we've decided on a cast:

Flash: Chris Hemsworth (because it's Hollywood)

Ming the Merciless: Patrick Stewart

Aura: Zoe Soldana

Zoltan: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Klytus: Ian Glen (Sir Jorah from Game of Thrones)

Dale Arden: Ellen Page

Hans Zarkoff: Robin Williams

Prince Baron: Bradley Cooper

General Calla: Angelina Jolie

*makes grabby hand motion*
Funding Please!

While I'm here, I did put up a new podcast ep today. Chaps 31 and 32 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me. It's a good 'un too. The new Mikey is creepy as shit!
wednes: (FG/Psycho)
I'm working on a short story for an anthology sub.
But H is hungry, and I am too, so I was taking a break to clean the kitchen before I cook the thanksgiving casserole H has been wanting for a while.
Ground chicken, various veggies, and a bag of cornbread stuffing mix with stock and everything, baked in the oven. We have mushers, broccoli, leeks and vidalias, green and yellow zucchini, that sort of thing.

Anyway, I see H at my keyboard. "Hahahaha," I joke. "So I guess now my story takes place on a spaceship and has boobs in it, right?" Mind you, I was totally kidding about H actually altering my story. He would never do that, ever.
Until today...

I sit down and see this tacked on to the end:

I woke up to the site of boobs. Boobs everywhere. I didn’t know what was going on. There [sic] size was unbelievable. I thought I must've been dreaming still. I punched myself in the face real hard to check and see; but no, I was awake. Then I realized that it must be some kind of hologram like in star trek. That, or I was on some drugs. But it didn't do drugs. That was for gays and poor people so it was the star trek thing and I thought if I was on star trek that would be sweet like the time the robot was doing it with that girl from pet sematery. She was pretty hot...


I found it chilling it its realism. LOL
wednes: (Zombie SP Wednes)
In my quest to be a highly paid freelancer (ha!) I started contributing over at Associated Content. My recent article is getting a few hits and some "likes" or whatever. So that's cool.

They have you write a little bio explaining why anyone anywhere would give a flying crap what you have to say. So I listed a few things about myself that might make me seem not-dumb. They cut the blurb in the most hilarious way possible. I am reminded of a certain South Park ep where a certain kid with a stutter is delivering a message from Stan to Wendy.

You know the one?

Cut for being a long screencap that might mess up your layout )

Hahahahahaaa...
For the record, I'm a Contributing Editor at Zombie Zone News. I don't know what YOU guys were thinking; and that's not even how you spell that.

Seriously though, should I change it?
wednes: (Default)
I presume that most of you have heard about this thing with Michigan musician Evan Emory and his YouTube vid.

Briefly, He went to a classroom and recorded himself singing a totally appropriate kids song for a bunch of kids. This was filmed. He went back later and performed a filthy song (with no kids in the room, or in the building at all), spliced the footage, and put it on the YouTube (with disclaimers). Hilarity ensues, right? Not so much...

Mr. Emory was initially charged with a couple of felonies (including Manufacturing Child Pornography!), and they wanted to make him register as a sex offender. I've talked here several times about the sex offender registry and how it's utter bullshit designed to make people feel safer than they are. Don't leave your kids alone with ANYONE you don't know well, rather than assuming someone is safe because they aren't on some stupid fucking list. This case illustrates once again that lots of people on that registry are there for reasons that have nothing to do with children, force, or hurting anyone. Yes, you can get on it for having sex with your spouse in a car, getting caught with a prostitute, making a porno without proper permits, peeing in the park (if someone sees you), and now...singing a song.

Mr Emory is still dealing with tons of shit over this, and the parents are spouting some of the most ridiculous garbage I've ever heard. I will concede that maybe the kid's faces should have been used with permission. But that is hardly a sex crime. Here's a few bits of parental brilliance:

...when she saw her daughter's face, which appeared in the very beginning of the video, she was nearly ill. "I left work," she said, adding that she went to the school and spoke to school officials about the incident.
Translation: I was watching YouTubes instead of doing my fucking job. Then I saw something I didn't like, so I used that as an excuse to leave work. I was suddenly NOT too ill to go yell at someone who had nothing to do with the thing I'm angry about, and could have addressed with a phone call. That's how much I care.

Tony Tague said the felony charge was justifiable because the video was "disturbing" and clearly "victimized" the youngsters in the classroom.
Yes, because either the children already spend a ton of time watching filthy vids (how else would they have seen it?), or they were shown the vid by someone on purpose. Either way, WTF and that makes no sense. Maybe the kids were "victimized" the way Aspinctersayswhat victimized someone. They are the butt of a silly joke for a second...except in this case, the kids were not aware of it--or wouldn't have been, had the parents not gone batshit.

“An innocence was taken, something we as parents try very hard to keep, something we hold sacred and dear was taken from the kids.”
How so? How does this hurt the kids in any way except that instead of paying attention to them, you're focusing on this bullshit? What the hell are you ever referring to here? You *do* understand that the children did not hear the filthy song, they were home for the day when the dirty song was recorded. The song they reacted to was perfectly clean. The vid has since been removed from the internet. I can't even see it, and believe me, I'd love to.

It is well established that regardless of whether or not the comedy is to my taste, that nothing is too sacred to be the stuff of comedy. I have always said that, and I continue to say it. In this case, I can just shake my head sadly and wish that my fellow Michiganians (Michiganders?) weren't so fucking stupid.
If what they want to say is, "I'm pissed that my kid was used in this vid because I'm not comfortable with the subject matter, and I want it taken down," fine. But what they're actually saying is "This kid is a child pornographer who damaged my child and should go to prison as a sex offender so he can be raped by large men as punishment for putting my kid in an internet video that I don't like."

And that, my friends, is fuckery of the highest order.

People bitch a lot online about Free Speech. Most of them don't know what the fuck they're talking about and assert some variation of "You can't disagree with me, I have Free Speech!" They don't seem to realize that Free Speech refers to the government declaring that you are a criminal for the things you say. THIS is the kind of Free Speech we need to be protecting,the kind people want to silence because they don't happen to agree, the kind people make inflated, alarmist, absurd claims about to bolster their ignorant points. It disgusts me, frankly.

So, you parents who are SO offended? Your kids are all in therapy, right? You've taken them to a doctor to make sure their trauma is minimized? You've joined a support group for the parents of children whose innocence was stolen? You've now read numerous books on PTSD in children and are looking for someone certified in EMDR? No?
Oh, you're just sitting on your asses bitching and knowing goddamn well that unless YOU're the one traumatizing them, your kids aren't traumatized at all...so STFU plz thx bai.


On a completely unrelated topic, I finally outlined the end of The Finster Effect. This is big news, since I always have issues with deciding how things should end. I'm super stoked and should have it redrafted in a couple of weeks. Can't reveal too much now, but everything is coming together in accordance with my sinister plan(s).
wednes: (4 Tea)
If you've been reading me for a while, you'll know that I've had runs ins with plenty of people over language changing over time. Both "Gang Bang" and "Trippin" have changed in definition since I was in high school, leading to some ridiculous and needlessly adversarial exchanges. I've talked plenty of times about the phrase "That's so Gay" being used to imply negativity. I maintain that the word Gay has changed meaning already, and that the word itself is less important than the intention of the user. I will never EVER get behind the idea that certain words are only okay for certain people to use.

It is well known that we think in language, yet it is often suggested that we not use certain words under the general heading that they are OFFENSIVE. Offensive means that someone is offended. There is no universal barometer of offense, no one thing that no one or everyone finds offensive. My first rule about taking offense is: the offending party must admit that they are personally offended, rather than making a reference to some general standard for offense that's been violated. If I say something that personally offends someone in the room, I want to address that and talk it out. If someone is asserting that some words shouldn't ever be uttered due to their terribly offensive qualities, I could give a rat's ass. People and their feelings are of concern to me, ethically and morally. Abstract concepts and their arbitrary applications, not so much.

Lately, I've seen this applied to comedy as well. Purportedly, there are some subjects that should never be made light of because they are just too offensive and/or serious. Apparently Ricky Gervais is a big mean guy for saying outloud that Robert Downey Jr used to have a huge drug problem. Goodness me, how offensive!
Moreso, it is even suggested that people who don't agree with this party line on offense are less worthy of basic human courtesy and respect. Basically an argument of Oh, you don't agree with me? Then you're an asshole who can fuck right off. I don't mind telling you that I find THAT pretty goddamn offensive. Can we really ever work out our differences if we assume that a difference of opinion equates to a difference in how much basic human courtesy and respect some people deserve? I gotta say no.
Then there's the idea that if one doesn't tow the party line on an issue, it's because one must not realize how awful *thing* is, else we'd know that it should never be joked about. The old Well, maybe if you'd been kidnapped/murdered/raped/set on fire/had a retarded child/been in a plane crash/etc then you'd know how awful it is. Certainly there is something to be said for learning about your fellow humans by walking in their shoes. But the idea that if we all had the same life experiences, then we'd all agree is as ludicrous as it is misguided.

IMHO, nothing...and I do mean NOTHING is too sacred to mock. Of course, there's a big difference between a Chapelle Show sketch and a KKK pamphlet. Personally, I don't care for the word Nigger, and I seldom have occasion to use it. If I did use it, though, that alone would not make me a racist. If I used that word, and someone then assumed I was racist, I would expect/hope they would inquire, at which point I would happily explain my stance. Of course, non-reactive, good communication is required to make this work.
There is a line of thinking that in comedy, one must go "too far" so that one's audience will go far enough. I concur. I think people like George Carlin, Seth McFarland, Dave Chapelle, and Ricky Gervais are/were goddamn hilarious and should continue to challenge us all with humor and words that invite us to think critically and express ourselves as completely and accurately as possible.
Even though I am jack-sprat-nobody as far as novelists go, I have taken a fair amount of shit for making evil monsters seem sympathetic, and don't I know how dangerous that is?!? Yadda yadda yaketi shmacketi. I think KMLYLM is a gripping character study of a psychotic mind, the purpose of which is to say that no so-called evil deed happens in a vacuum. The idea that my books shouldn't exist because some crazy man might get the wrong message is, to put it simply, bad. The thing that will break down barriers and improve human relationships with other humans (etc) is MORE open communication, not less. Stifling words, thoughts, jokes, and language because it makes us feel all oogy impedes our progression as critical thinkers, and as humans far more than any asshat making off color, tasteless, or insensitive jokes.

EDIT: I'd like to add that with great power comes great responsibility. (Yes, it's from Spiderman)
All this freedom of speech is predicated on the hope that human beings will NOT behave like malicious hateful ignorant assholes.
wednes: (Default)
I've posted before about the town of Wednesbury, pronounced "WENZ burry." Since I actually do know people in the UK, you'd think that someone would send me a sweet photo of them waving from a "Welcome to Wednesbury" sign, or some sort of arial photo that shows that the town was built in the shape of me. No dice.

But now...

I've just learned that there is a Museum and Gift Shop(pe) in Wednesbury.
And NOT ONE SINGLE ONE of YOU have sent me a gift from it.

What. The. Fuck. ???

Seriously people, I can send you American crap like Mountain Dew, Zippo lighters, or cheap Korean plastic if you want it. But I have no means to get myself any cool Wednesbury swag. And I'm not famous enough yet that people are sending me this kind of stuff "just because."
So yeah, if you guys could get on that for me, I sure would appreciate it.

And if you want to do something nice for me, but you're in America--why don't you sucker punch the next 5 people you hear using the expression "Hump Day." I despise that expression.
wednes: (Default)
Let's change that, shall we.
At work, we do what's called "Hilarious Friday" wherein many of us do our damnest to be even funnier than usual. For some people, this is cake. Me, I'm always pretty funny, so I have to go out of my way.

I'm not working Friday, because I have to work on Saturday.
So I'll let fly with the funny now:


Needs no explanation.

This is the first commercial I ever made a point of recording on one of my various cartoon videotapes:


In honor of Dr Demento going off the air:



Have a Hilarious Friday, Everyone!

Also, I'm waiting for my podcast, Take a Stab at This! to be approved over at the iTunes. Once it is, you'll be able to search for me there, and download my stuff instead of having to go to my website.
Woot, right? Woot.

Voice Post

May. 23rd, 2010 01:40 pm
wednes: (Default)



Okay, I'm home now, so here's what it REALLY says.

HurleyDay!

It's a LOST holiday: Hurleyday!


I shall miss you, LOST.
But if you DO have a spin-off, please let it be a cop show starring Miles and Sawyer.
;-]
wednes: (Default)
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The following movies make me laugh and/or lift my mood unfailingly:

American Psycho

Airplane!

Anchorman

Life of Brian

The Rutles

Young Frankenstein

Spaceballs

Clay Pigeons

Shaun of the Dead

Zoolander

They all have clever writing, excellent performances, and at least the threat of people being seriously injured, if not murdered outright.
wednes: (Default)
That's right, I have promised the world A Spoonful of Murder in five days, and that is what I shall give them. I've been editing my ass off in GarageBand, putting together some awesome (if marginally recorded) audio performances with tons of original music (and some Beethoven that is "just" an original performance) and a few cool sound effects. FYI, my next signing is THIS SATURDAY at Michigan Theatre in Jackson. Doors open at 10pm, Reading and Q&A roundabout 10:30. Rocky Horror Picture Show starts at 11:30pm. (Admission $10) Hope to see one or more of you there!

A couple people went way over and beyond in terms of helping out and giving freely of their time on this disc. Other people flaked on me to varying degrees. I got today off work (meaning that I now have to work the DAY OF my signing) to edit some stuff that I'm now not actually getting until tomorrow...or even Wednesday. That is sucky. Because despite my actually NOT being a huge procrastinator (this time) I'm still way behind and stressed out about it. So that elicits both a Yay! and a Fie!

H brought me breakfast from Panera Bread. There was am asiago bagel sammy with bacon, egg and cheese. AND a spinach and artichoke souffle. Needless to say, that is actually two meals. Just over half of each is waiting for me to finish this post so that it can be eaten by me. Yay! Panera breakfast can tell McDonalds breakfast to STFU.
H went out to get the latest issue of this because it has some code for his Star Trek game in it. Original uniforms, I think. They didn't have it. Fie. Small gestures like this remind me about the myriad ways that H makes my life better. Not only is he unfailing hardworking, moral, loving, and kind; but he makes me aspire to be all these things as well. He's great. When I see how many people merely settle for their partners, it makes me feel sad...and damn lucky.

You may have heard that we now have Health Care Reform. It comes in the form of NO public option. You know what? I'll take it. Simply forcing insurance companies to NOT blatantly fuck us over will help a lot of people very much. This was probably the best we could hope for, considering how some people are so very sure that *gasp* they might be paying to help people who aren't them--and that is, for some reason, unacceptable. Some people really would rather marginalize ALL poor people than "allow" someone to have something they don't think is "deserved." Apparently promoting general welfare does not include anything beyond the legal right to collect and employ leeches. :-/ That may be because most teabaggers don't even know what the hell they're protesting. Or it may be because people don't want to be "forced" to pay for things they don't want.
That's why MY taxes shouldn't go to: foreign wars, corporate bailouts, abstinence-only education, busting potheads, schools for kids I don't even have, firemen for people in houses I don't live in, police I don't even call (very often), or health care for members of congress. Oh wait, I don't get to pick everything my taxes go to...maybe I should fly into some building in Texas. Goodness knows if I don't, Barack the Magic Negro will take my guns, kill my grandmother, and make me be an atheist Nazi Muslim who gets government funded abortions all day and enables terrorists by refusing to torture them all night.
But I digest [sic].

Because every Monday post should end with something amazing: Falafel Waffles. Complete with bonus tips on easily peeling garbanzo beans for the smoothest hummus EVAR. It's making me want to cab it to the grocery store right now. But no, tonight is salmon and risotto with mushroom and mustard greens. Mmmmm... H wanted alfredo pasta. While I see his point, that's a tad indulgent even for us. ;-]

Need more Awesome in your day?
Here's some nerdy humor that works on many levels:


My thought for the week: Why settle for something "fine," when with a little extra effort (okay, maybe a LOT of extra effort) you can make something extraordinary. Duh, right? But you'd be surprised how often I'm tempted to do an okay job at something and be done with it. Not author stuff, but other stuff.

Oh yeah...

Dec. 4th, 2009 12:46 am
wednes: (Default)
Somebody at my work is playing a foul trick on me. They keep putting Twilight themed stuff on my desk, so I find it when I come in. So I've been asking around. My disdain for sparkly vampires is well documented, so in a way I do leave myself open to this sort of lighthearted ribbing. I asked the guy who used to sit next to me if it was him--even though he's in another department now. He laughed and said no...and then sent me this:



WIN!
wednes: (Default)
When I was a kid, I used to write a lot of poetry. It was mostly angsty stuff dealing with my suffering, and sadness over some jackassy man boy who was too stupid to see my inner beauty. Most of it sucked, but there was an occasional intriguing poetical insight. Frankly, I haven't pulled my high school poetry journal off the shelf in quite some time. I'm almost afraid to for fear of being assaulted by the emo (even though when this stuff was written, some 20+ years ago, "emo" was that nerdy comedian with the funny haircut--he had a cameo in UHF). It wasn't actually it's own genre (milieu?) yet. I used to shove my poetry notebook du jour into the faces of anyone and everyone willing to read it. I'm pretty sure I bored the hell out of people in my desperate attempts to show off how creative and wonderful I was. Some of those people were teachers who actually told me that I should try to be a professional writer. Too bad I forgot to listen until I was almost 35.
Anyway, [livejournal.com profile] ladyteal, a truly remarkable pagan lady (and published poet), is doing a thing where you write 100 poems in 100 days. As you may know, I am a fan of using arbitrary goals as a motivational tool. That's why all 3 of my published novels were written for the NaNoWriMo (though Cat's Apprentice was finished under the Zokutou clause). And if someone else is checking my progress from time to time, so much he better for keeping me working. I haven't written poetry since my ill-fated zombie rock opera from the mid-1990's. I bet if I applied myself, I could write 100 poems in 100 days and churn out maybe, 20-30 that do not completely suck. Since my last poetry writing excursion, I like to think I've developed some skill; not just basic wordsmithery, but some insights into the human condition and into my own strengths and weaknesses. So I'm gonna go for it.
For the most part, I'll be posting the 100 poems in [livejournal.com profile] wednes_writes unless I come up with anything I need you all to see. I joined [livejournal.com profile] 100poems, perhaps I will make use of that also, even though I generally hate networking with other writers**. It starts tomorrow. Maybe I'll write a short story in poem form. I anticipate a lot of blank verse, but hopefully I can do some formal rhyme and meter stuff as well.

H is in the process of designing my new business cards. You may recall that my publisher changed our web address, basically negating all the advertising I've done up to this point: press packets, swag, free book giveaways, TV commercial, etc. Plus I need all new business cards. Turns out, they are having a special where i can get full color cards for the same price as B&W. So I'm figuring out the best way to use color in what is already an effective design. As usual [livejournal.com profile] uterdic came up with a smashing idea that I'll be sharing with the all of you's as soon as it's done. They will be the best business cards in the history of mankind. But I don't want to oversell it. H is just so monsterously talented.





**I don't want to network with anyone whose work I don't enjoy. And I'm sorry, but there are a LOT of shitty writers out there getting published by tiny houses like mine. Since I'm a picky snob with an enormous sense of intellectual vanity, attempts at networking tend to end up with me avoiding people so I don't have to tell them I dislike their work. Even when people ask for critique, they always seem to get offended by mine. Frown.
wednes: (Default)
Let me first admit that I have stolen much of this post (the top cartoon and the speech text) from [livejournal.com profile] parilous who is amazing.


Wanna read the speech (which totally choked me up, BTW)?
Clicky! )

So yeah...he's obviously a terrorist sympathizer and comrade of Hitler who wants to take all your money and spend it on abortions for unwed jobless minority atheists and when he's done...he's coming for your grandparents, which he can totally do because he's also taken your guns and flavored cigs (but not menthols).

And a Happy Labor Day to all you poor, jobless bastards out there.
Please believe that a person such as myself is well aware of how lucky she is.

Okay one more funny...
As always, clicken to embiggen:
wednes: (Default)
There are a couple of good looking Zombie movies coming out soon. Plus, I guess there's a new one from George Romero. Ba-ZING! That's right, I just pwnd Romero. Night and Dawn are two of the best zombie--nay, horror films in the history of films. For serious. But I can't tell you the last time I said "Hmmm...think I'll watch Day of the Dead today." Doesn't happen. IMHO they just get worse from there. For me, zombies are so freakin' scary that you don't have to try very hard to scare me with them. But there are so many hundreds of terrible zombie movies out there. And most of them aren't even made by Uwe Boll. People will insist on destroying the things I love.
Could be worse, I could be a Vampire fan. ;-[

I'm working tomorrow. Now that I only work one Saturday a month, I hate having to go in on Saturdays. Odd because I've worked EVERY Saturday at pretty much any other job I've ever had.

I have a rather intense girl-crush on Helena Bonham Carter. Not sure what took me so long. I was resistive to her in the beginning because a) most of her characters didn't really resonate with me b) Tim Burton put her in EVERY goddamn movie he made for like, 200 years straight. Now she does all kinds of chicks I love like Mrs Lovett and Bellatrix. I'm stoked as hell to see her as the Red Queen.

In re: the "profiling" cop and the Harvard professor? I think it's very reasonable for a cop to ask a guy in a house for ID when he's responding to a call about a suspected robbery. This situation just sounds like two guys acting like dicks than anything racially motivated. I bet they're each good guys put on edge; which led to them both being reactive rather than rational. Too bad. I do think the cop should be held to a higher standard than an average citizen. Most of us don't get to be our full, genuine self when we're working. We edit ourselves in the name of professionalism.
Yeah, cops make me uncomfortable, but I'm polite because it's stupid not to be. And yeah, a cop can arrest you for not showing him ID and getting belligerent, but should he? Prolly not. I'm glad to know they'll be getting together with Obama for a beer to sort it all out. I'm sure that after that happens, racism will be over and I can take H to meet my parents. Or not.

Talked to my new editor via the Electronic Mail. She seems pretty smart. I'm annoyed that she wants the manuscript split up into chapters and sent as separate documents. There are 67 chapters. C'mon. And she can't open zip files for some reason I can't fathom. Frown. Anyway, I'm turning it in on Monday or more likely Sunday night. I have no idea what I'll be working on next. I'll surely be taking a writing break to get some books read and some movies watched.

I totally lifted this from [livejournal.com profile] eroslane a while ago and never reposted it:
Click to Embiggen (and increase cromulence, obviously):
wednes: (Default)
Got to finish watching DayWatch, which is the sequel to the excellent Russian films NightWatch. I was pretty surprised at how much I liked it. I found both of these films more difficult to follow than an average American horror film--if indeed you'd call this film horror. It's got action and drama, romance and the supernatural. There's a lot going on, and it's all very involved. In the end, the two films fit together nicely and I was very glad I watched. So if you dug NightWatch, by all means catch the sequel.

[livejournal.com profile] uterdic brought over the DVD of that Dr Horrible thing by Joss Whedon. You may remember that it basically made the internet blow up in crazy fandamonium when it came out. Having finally seen it, I can see why. Very creative, clever and funny. Plus Neil Patrick Harris totally has a Chris Masterson thing going on.

Hooked myself up with the new content for Scene it! BOS for the Xbox. It has 800 new questions, a new game mode, and was pretty cheap, about $7. I'm a fan of downloadable content to begin with, and this one was just excellent. We've also been exploring the wide world of vintage games for download. We played a bit of Sonic 3 which was originally for Sega. LOL, Sega...

There's a guy: [livejournal.com profile] flemco who did the excellent cover design for my first novel. Happily, I was able to get him to do the book I'm working on now as well. He has a ballsy and entertaining journal of his own. He's written some short stories that I love. While I have purchased his first novel, I haven't read it yet. I'm on a moratorium from reading until I finish this manuscript. Anyway, he hipped his readers to the the most ingenious, hilarious and potentially offensive "gag gift" I've ever heard of. And I honestly can think of a few people who deserve it. So be sure to feast your disbelieving peepers on that.

Not completely sure why THIS creepy fucking thing disturbs me so much. Probably because she looks like a corpse. Anyway, you can move her with your arrow if she gets stuck, which she does occasionally.

Finally, since all the internet information I'm reading on Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is vague and contradictory, I've decided to go ahead and call the doc. Not really in the mood to be diagnosed with a new syndrome. But since I spend such an absurd amount of time at a keyboard (all day at work, all night at home), wrist braces should have been a consideration for me long ago. My understanding is that if I get on this right away it'll be easier to deal with. Let's hope so.
wednes: (Default)
I'm up late tonight dicking around on the internets, trying in vain to get away from the constant influx of horrible news. I was looking around on Facebook and inadvertently came across a chick I used to work with, who I call The Evil Witch. She's a witch, and she's evil. (You have to specify that because most witches are good.) She actually made one of the necklaces (my natal astrological chart, in necklace form) I wear--it took me many months of cleansing and spellwork to get all the Evil off it.

Some tangenty background, read only if you like WTF kind of things. ) I googled her and found that she did a book review for some Christian book written by a guy she knows. I clicked over to the book on Amazon to check it out.

Here's the crazy part:
The author has commented on EVERY negative review, even arguing with the reviewers. There do not appear to be any discussions on the five-star reviews. He even gives people shit for using screen names--on the internets! As I fancy myself a writer, I am both amused and appalled. I've been very lucky thusfar in that no one has left me a truly shitty review anywhere. I didn't love the three and a half stars (out of five) I got from Withersin Magazine but I still thanked them for taking the time to review me. And when their editor posted the reviews on Amazon as only THREE stars even, I didn't say a word. It just seemed petty to complain about half a star, even though I did feel some annoyance about it. I figured if I was going to be a writer, that was something I just had to accept.

It would never occur to me to confront a stranger about his or her taste in books, especially my own books. I do know of one person who strongly disliked my first book and I don't even think she finished it. She's a straight laced conservative chick, not really my target audience. As she bought the first book and didn't like it, I gave her a freebie of my next book. She enjoyed it and thanked me by posting a nice Amazon review.

Seriously though, leave it to a "devout Christian" to tell a stranger that their feelings about something intensely personal are "wrong" or "incorrect." The nerve! And then to throw out what I'm sure Christians must call "the S bomb." Telling a Christian they're Satan because you disagree with them appears to equate with the secular "once you call someone Hitler, you've pretty much destroyed any hope you had of appearing rational" theory.

Then again, maybe I'm just being a judgmental jerk about this.
People who see disagreement as personal insult bug the hell out of me in the first place.
Whenever a famous person reacts badly to critics, they usually come off looking like a crybaby jerk.
Look at Sarah Palin for crissake. She wants to be the Commander in Chief but cries to the press because Obama won't do anything about the mean old bloggers who keep picking on her children. Oh NOES!1!

I'd love some input from you writers, artists, movie makers, and others of you out there who produce things which are experienced viscerally. Ever confront someone who didn't like your work? Why or why not?
wednes: (Default)
I've mentioned several times that I, unlike almost every horror (and especially zombie-horror) fan in the known universe, I do not care for the Evil Dead movies. None of them. Many people have tried to convince me otherwise, noting the quaintly small budget and modest but creative production values. I do appreciate that aspect of it, but that doesn't mean it's something I want to sit down and watch, let alone own. I do enjoy Bruce Campbell, but the character Ash is annoying as hell. Yes, he's a parody but he's--maybe I just think he doesn't have a full appreciation for or reverence to his situation. Maybe I just take zombies a lot more seriously than Ash does. Maybe I'm offended by the campiness of it all. Also, bad dialogue makes me want to die inside. If you can't write the way people talk (I'm looking at YOU, Dan Brown!) you shouldn't be writing dialogue. I'm still trying to pinpoint exactly what bothers me about Raimi's horror. I may even watch Evil Dead again in an attempt to really figure it out. As a horror person, knowing what you hate is just as important as knowing what you like.
I'm not anti-Raimi as a rule. I love Spiderman, and honestly think that Willem DaFoe elevates that movie from merely good to truly great with his performance. He's fantastic to watch, and much of that comes from careful direction. I also think Ted Raimi is just adorable in stuff. Plus, they're from Michigan, like me!

I adopted a firm wait-and-see attitude about Drag Me To Hell. It looked like a cool premise. Certainly, the whole Lamia thing is pretty creepy. Early internet buzz was strong. A few people on my flist posted that they liked it. Rotten Tomatoes went down from 95% to 93%, but that's still remarkably high for a horror movie. So, I went Saturday night with [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart. We went someplace cheap so two tix only cost $18. I snuck in a big bottle of Evian and some granola bars. ;-] I know, I suck.

The opening scene was very strong and scary. So far, so good. They used stock characters for this type of film: the beautiful young heroine, the sympathetic but disbelieving boyfriend, his demanding parents, the co-worker who's a prick, the old gypsy woman who lays the curse, the exotic medium who joins the fight. Not a big deal, but still derivative. What starts out as cool sound design quickly becomes shrill, annoying and overused. A healthy combination of practical FX and CGI is used to good effect, until it becomes a very Evil Deadesque gross out fest of gratuitous slime and ooze. By the end, we've seen some cool things, had some genuine scares, and are fairly interested in how it all turns out. However, the end is obvious and predictable, negating what should have been a very powerful and pivotal confrontation scene. Although I must admit, it had exactly the kind of result I like in a horror movie. They were just a bit lame in getting there. I'm all about suspending my disbelief, but please, stay out of the realm of complete ridiculousness (*spoiler* a talking goat, for example *end spoiler*). I didn't hate it; but Raimi's horror style really didn't work for me, yet again.


On a completely unrelated topic, here is the White House Correspondent's Dinner address by The PC himself, John Hodgeman. Considering that I almost called it the White House Correspondence Dinner, I can safely say that Hodgeman is far more articulate, witty, and hilarious than I would have been. I guess that's why they haven't asked me to do it yet. Anyway, sorry if this appears on your flist 30 or 40 times, but I really, really enjoyed it and assumed you would too!

wednes: (Default)
But I really think that lately I've been enjoying watching Seth McFarland's shows better than The Simpsons. I know, blasphemy right? I'm not saying that Family Guy is a better show, just that I'm enjoying watching it more. I think overall Simps has been a spectacular show, one of the best in the history of television, and certainly the best animated show. But in terms of just sitting down and watching, I always laugh harder at Family Guy (and even American Dad sometimes) than I do at Simpsons. Plus, I find that the social and political commentary in the McFarlane shows is dead-on in a lot of places. I find myself laughing, nodding and saying "pretty much" a lot while I watch.

So...Wolverine. It got leaked, right? Well, then why isn't everybody talking about how good it is? Doesn't that logically follow that if people have seen it, they should be raving? They aren't. This leads me toward great worry. I don't want it to be bad. Liev Schrieber is awesome.

Let's not forget that today is the birthday of [livejournal.com profile] hellamama. Be nice to her, she's someone's Mom. Actually, she's sort to TWO someone's mom. Here's hoping her birthday is delightful!!

As for me, I'm opening four days in a row this week. I don't care for openings, and I don't care for working four days in a row. I do realize that many people do this, but those people are not me. I'm on a LOT of medication, and I needs my sleep. I also need days off to write. I only wrote a chapter and a half all weekend. Anyway, I want sleep and won't be able to get any real sleep until Friday. Frown.

Not sure I'll be able to get the weekend off for the birthday of [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart. I was supposed to ask for it off like, a month ago and flaked on the date. So now I probably won't get to go away that weekend. 'Course, I really should be using that time to write anyway. Speaking of writing, I'm supposed to put the employee newsletter out in 3 days and I have almost no news for it. Fie!
wednes: (Default)
Good god, is there anything more satisfying than watching Jon Stewart tear some dickhead a new asshole?
If there is, I don't wanna know about it.

And I will be very surprised if this Cramer cat still has a job in the morning.
wednes: (Default)
Before you go thinking that you don't want to know, let me tell you all about it. Those of you who know me well, know that without fail, I take one terrific fall/slip on the ice every winter. Last year I fell on my tailbone and missed a day of work.

This morning I walked out the front door and onto a solid sheet of invisible ice. My right leg shot straight out in front of me. My left leg bent at a crazy angle and my knee got totally twisted. I yelled for H to come help me, since I was right outside the front door. The cabbie got out to help me as well, and eventually I was able to stand up and walk to the cab. My knee is swelling up pretty good and hurts when I walk on it. But I CAN walk on it, so it's not broken or anything. I have to walk up a flight of stairs to get to my desk, and I made it, so that is cool.

So...you know, OW!
wednes: (Default)
I'm organizing the Secret Santa gift exchange at work. I'm somewhat vexed at the thought that not everyone, or even most people, want to participate. How can a work-related holiday gift exchange possibly not be fun? I don't get it.

Finally got to watch Tropic Thunder last night. Reminds me of how much I love Ben Stiller and his amazing grasp of what's funny. Even Jack Black was utlized in such a way so as not to annoy or irritate me. So that was cool. I enjoyed the movie very much although I was fairly certain someone would die--no one did.

Played Xbox and Wii yesterday, pretty much all day. Cooking Mama is enormous fun. And I'm pretty good at Kung Fu Panda game, even though that also has Jack Black in it. Actually, I also finished baking my holiday cookies. I think I'm going to do a small batch of cherry chocolate chip cookies for work. I have a can of tart cherries I think will be delicious in it. Today will be more zombie bashing and shooting after work. Yay!!
wednes: (Default)
I wouldn't normally put so much profanity in a title, but today it is apt. For the hero of my generation (and my parent's generation too, but who's counting?) has died of heart failure at the age of 71.

Carlin is one of the funniest guys ever, and even though he became damn bitter in his old age, he remains a class act. And like a lot of comedians, he did a lot of coke which negatively impacted his health. Still and all though, living to 71 is not a bad run. I should be so lucky.

So George, thank you for the laughs, the social commentary, the dirty words, and the differences between baseball and football. You're a classic!

In Wednes news, I was up all night with a terrible pain in my side. It was on the right side of my lower back. It eventually went away, but I got no sleep and I'm worried now what kind of new illness is befalling me. Kidney stones? Appendixitis? Could be anything, but the next time I have it, I'll likely go to emergency. It was THAT painful.

Found out I have to work the Saturday after 4th of July. Kind of scraps my plan to have a party. But when H's sister comes to town we are def having a gathering.
wednes: (Default)
I want you all to know that I called Ben's sinister plan right after fine, I'll cut for spoilers )

On a completely unrelated topic, John Oliver is a cutie patootie (in addition to being poignant, well-spoken, and goddamn hilarious).
I'm declaring it. Watch his stand up special and tell me I'm wrong.

And if his middle name isn't "Cornelius" what is it?

QuizGalaxy.com - Which Rejected Carebear are You?


My exhaustive search for a new backpack purse is at an end. I don't have it yet, but I finally found the one I want. I've been looking for a decent black backpack purse ever since the one I currently carry got a giant rip in it. It's literally wearing thin and the straps are ready to snap at any moment. I was totally bummed because I really liked that bag. [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart gave it to me too! I bought a few backpack purses online, but they were cheap crap. I returned two of them and gave another one to S, the daughter of [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart. So I'm quite pleased to have found a good one. I wish it didn't cost $70, but if it does a good job, it will be totally worth it. I think in a month or so when I get some book monies, I'm going to buy it.
wednes: (Default)
Why can't people tell you they are having a baby without showing you a grainy black and white picture of the inside of a womb? Do people actually want to see this?!?

Besides, isn't that kind of um...private?
wednes: (Default)
Here are the most important things going on in the world, in my humble opinion:

Thing #1: Goth kids, poets, and smartass intellectuals alike will be thrilled to know that the prototype for that poster in your dorm has been recovered. Take THAT, Guernica!! As a fellow bi-polar person, I enjoy Edvard's work very much. For your looking pleasure, here are some small versions of two of my favorites:


The Kiss The Kiss

Oil paint.
Murderer Murderer

This was my desktop wallpaper for a very long time.



I always forget if Munch is considered expressionism or impressionism. I know that impressionist paintings are supposed to have been painted in under an hour, but I wasn't there when he painted most of them. ;-] His work incorporated lots of symbolism, and sometimes naturalism--although I like that a bit less. I mean, Picasso painted lifelike stuff but that was never as good as the cubist stuff IMHO. Murderer is an especially good painting because it's scary, sad, and disturbing all at once. You can see the horror, the remorse, and the road. Munch loves to paint people on roads.

The Scream is the piece that people love best, I think because it speaks to that part of us that we don't often articulate. It's supposedly a picture of his nervous breakdown, and I admit that if I look at this painting in just the right mood, it will move me to tears. There is such torment in it, and it's sad that it's been marketed to the point where it becomes the stuff of parody. Even though most people don't have nervous breakdowns, I think they are familiar with at least the fleeting feeling that they it's always possible.

Madonna was also recovered (did you even know it was gone?). I'm not posting a pic of it, because I don't care for it much. For one thing, I hate the color scheme. And for another, I have no idea what he's trying to convey with it--it's just a naked chick. I guess I do like some art even when I can't figure it out, but not this one. That's just how I roll.

Thing #2: FEEDBACK!!!!!!

Thing #3: This isn't new news or anything, but I think Tony's Law is funny every time I encounter it.

Thing #4: It has come to my attention that people in the UK do not watch SNL because they can't. So they are just now finding out about Colonel Angus and how one cures a fever with more cowbell. I only hope that they get Celebrity Jeopardy out thataway!

Thing #5: I'm supposed to be thinking of ways to have fun that do not include...you know, stuff I'm not supposed to do. So I ask you, what's something you do that's fun that doesn't cost anything, doesn't require transportation, and is actually fun and not lame? Let's hear it.
wednes: (Default)
I'm supposed to be writing Hazel's chapter 15 right now, but I stopped to tell you this charming tale.

You know how everybody is all frantic about that Pirate movie that came out recently? I didn't see it because I'm not a particular fan of pirates. I did see the first one where the Pirates are in the Carribean (wait, are they still there?) for two reasons. One, [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart loves that movie. So in hanging out with her, I happen to see it every now and again. But I also watched it (rather than covering my eyes and saying LaLa LaLa for 90 mintues or so) because Hollywood [livejournal.com profile] zenithberwyn Steve played a pirate in it, wearing the most masculine pink hat I've ever seen. He's funny. I saw him in this thing where he plays an evil villian, and it's hilarious. Plus he's in this other thing where he plays a comically uninteresting guy, which is also hilarious.

You might be thinking So What? You watch movies all the time! What's the point of all this?

Well I'll tell ya, that same [livejournal.com profile] zenithberwyn has appeared on my TV no less than 4 times today whilst I was watching Adult Swim. It was quite something. And I'll bet dozens of you have seen him too and you don't even know it. Don't beleive me, go here and play the Tashi video tape. Go on...do it! Then you can see [livejournal.com profile] zenithberwyn's naked chest just like I did. Oh, and the link is courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] uterdic so I didn't have to scour the globe only to find a fuzzy youtube version of it.

Now for whatever reason, I really, really want a delicious Starburst fruit candy.

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.
wednes: (Default)


Irony or Sarcasm? You Decide!


This Could Happen to YOU!!
This Could Happen to YOU!!

If you get hurt on ID4 (yeah, they changed it) by being wasted and playing sparklers or bottle rocket, everyone will hate you. And nobody want's that--so for Wednes' sake, be careful!!!

And call me if you're doing anything fun, as H and I have no plans! ;-}



So America, on your Special Day, know that I, userinfowednes am

Because if you can't say it with glitter, it probably isn't very important.


And while I'm here, I have another Superman related question:
How come you can always tell that Superman has fillings in his molars?
Should he have, like SuperTeeth?

Teh Funny:

Jun. 28th, 2006 10:48 pm
wednes: (Default)
Many thanks to userinfoliadra for hipping me to This Hilarious Video Clip which is sure to be enjoyable to anyone who likes cats, apple computers, laptops or stuff that is funny.


In other news, Group was surprisingly tame and enjoyable tonight. Back to the doc tomorrow, and then some EMDR, which will surely be exhausting.

I'm in the mood to write a short horror story. I think I will do that this week.
Turns out, I'm not going to do the JulNoWriMo next month after all. I was thinking that it was WIP friendly, like the WriYear, but it's really not. It's more like regular NaNo in that they want you to start fresh. Since I'm still writing Hazel and editing Franklin, I can't really do anything like that yet. I'll have to wait for November for the meanningless word count obsession to begin.


Once in awhile I plug other people's journals because I find them insightful, informative, or enjoyable. I've encountered one of these woefully underapprecated journals under the name of userinfoalex_a_polukhin. He posts lots of wonderful photos (pretty much all as clickable thumbnails) of his own, or those that he enjoys. Most are taken in Russia, (if we're still calling it that, I'm embrassed to say I don't know) and many are damn impressive. So do avail yourself of his fine photography journal.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my favorite thing about Superman Returns. )
...and I only knew that because of The Simpsons.
wednes: (Default)
I don't know why, but I was so taken with this pic from [livejournal.com profile] sudrin's work webcam that I had to share it with you all.
Cute, no?


Dave sleeping at work
Dave sleeping on the job.



You can't see it from this picture, but he's remarkably competant and cool. ;-}


Psst. Dave, if you don't want this posted publicly, let me know.
wednes: (Default)
Your instructions:

Go to here.

Watch, laugh, send around.

Repeat as neccesary.




Twenty Five Feet of thanks to userinfoeroslane
wednes: (Default)
Okay, I'll talk briefly about the Oscars. But I'm not going to mention any awards except that hilarious rap band who acted like they were at the Mtv music awards instead of the Oscars. That was awesome, and then the Queen of Latifia gave them their little gold guy, and I thought they might light up a spliff right then and there. But then they would be steroetypes...

My beloved Jon Steward was quite good. Although the opening jokes were not very funny. It took him a little while to get past all that shit some non-daily show staffer wrote for him. I hope he doesn't let outsiders write his material anymore. I realize that the Academy Awards joke writers are probably not "outsiders" in the traditional sense. But if they make Jon Stewart seem unfunny, they clearly suck at what they do. Jon Stewart can call someone a dick on their own show and it's still funny. Honest. I've seen it. ;-}

Speaking of funny, I've got two words for you: Ben. Stiller.
Best presenter EVER. Although I did have to give it up for whoever came up with the Carrell/Farrell makeup bit. Ha HA!

We had a few select people over here. And the hilarious [livejournal.com profile] kindofblue328 tricked us by getting us to stock up on vegan food and then didn't show up. So all those veggies and hommus and etc were eaten in your absense. We missed you, Todd. Luckily, the girl we are trying to set you up with did not make it either. Thankfully, the pita chips made it here safely.

I've rediscovered that yoga works much better when I do it for a full half hour and not five minutes. Go figure. I just think I should put my money where my mouth is where it pertains to excersize and such. I'm making a yummy soup tonight, modified from one I saw on Rachel Ray show. She's a good one, so spunky. And my back feels pretty good because of the iyengar yoga. I could do that downward-facing-dog six times a day...it's so excellent.

I wish H would come home, so's we can go to the grocery store. I have no idea where he is, since he wasn't here when I woke up. We never seem to go until the afternoon, then the place is swarming with old people and moms with screaming kids everyone seems to be able to hear except them. My new passive aggressive way to deal with that is to just start screaming to H about stuff I want. And when H gets all embarased and tells me to be quiet; I can loudly proclaim that I'm just keeping up with the noise. You know, like when you're telling a cop why you were speeding on the expressway...keeping up with the flow of traffic and such. I never get to say that, because I don't drive.

Oh yeah, Harrry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie comes out tomorrow. I also recently got all the Jim Dale audiobooks. They are good as hell. Wheee! I better enjoy them, since that's the last Harry Potter think being released this year. Fie!
wednes: (Default)
Lovers of shitty music and posing Christianity enthusiasts alike will be devastated to know that Scott Stapp keeps time with Kid Rock. Plus he also likes hookers, and making commemorative videos of same. The same company that sold that Paris Hilton tape everyone I know downloaded for free is trying to sell this tape as well. It's bad enough to want to see Scott Stapp nekked, but to actually pay for it is beyond the pale.

The baby movies edition of Photoshop Phriday is probably the funniest thing you'll see all day.

Is it nerdy to have vivid sex dreams about comic book villians?
What if they are Lex Luthor?
wednes: (Default)
So I said to H, "Hey, the new moon is coming up."

And he says, "I should hope so, this one sucks."



hahahahahaha!!







And later...pics of my new glasses and the rings I got for Valentines Day (since I never showed you guys)!!

Say...

Feb. 13th, 2006 03:37 am
wednes: (Default)
Does anyone know where I can score a cheap DVD of Secret Smile?

I really, really want to see it.

 
30,721 / 250,000
(12.3%)



While I'm here, I'll mention that I caught the first hour of Dave Chapelle on Inside the Actors Studio. I must say, he is brilliant. He had many insightful things to say, and is probably the most intelligent, unpretentious guy I've ever seen on that show. It was a very brave and revealing interview and I highly reccomend checking it out.


In the mood for some funny? Duh, who isn't? These Star Wars Valentines from Something Awful are moderately amusing. Law & Order SVU Valentines. Well drawn and hilarious. Speaking of Valentines, how come no one ever sends me a Singing Barbershop Quartet. I know you would if you really cared. Because in the end, that's what Valentines Day is all about, being reminded of how little you all really want to spend buying me gifts. And I for one am disgusted. ;-}

In linguistic news, [livejournal.com profile] lickingtoad and I have invented a new word.
Gorno/Gornopgraphy Noun: a movie, book or magazine that one watches by fast forwarding thru tedious and unsatisfying plot to get to the "good stuff" in this case: gore. Good examples of this might include the Final Destination Films, Reign of Fire, Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. Gornographic Adj: The condition of being unworthy of making me sit thru your thin and silly plot just to see some of the old ultraviolence.
wednes: (Default)
OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!!

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] symphy for alerting me to this delightful news:
Jonathan Stewart Leibowitz to host this years Academy Awards.

In a related story, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg seen drinking heavily @ La Caverna.


I'm not especially looking forward to the Daily Show jones I'll surely have while he takes time off to prepare. I daresay I've been missing my fake news over the holidays. But this will surely be the best Oscars EVER. I might even have people over.
wednes: (Default)
So tell me, [livejournal.com profile] paulcurtis, could you be anymore cool? Because I don't see how it would be possible.
Three more eps of All About George, plus the first four eps of the new Doctor Who!!! You sir, are entirely too kind. And I thank you.

Of course this means that I will need the snail mailing address of [livejournal.com profile] skryche so that I may send you the 6 eps of All About George that I now have for YOU.



While I'm here, I may as well mention that new eps of Battlestar Gallactica are coming soon. Can anyonee confirm if this is a new season or just a continuation of Season 2? Michelle Forbes will likely become much more hatable before she gets her comuppance.
wednes: (Default)
Oh man...I'm sitting here watching this Nigel Marvin thing about sea monsters. It's really well done and I was totally sucked into it. However, they just showed a megalodon and they had it look just like a Great White. Sorry to say that the lastest science suggests that the megalodon is actually closer related to the Tiger, or perhaps even the Bull shark. I hope it's not the bull, those were the most aggressive. Although I suppose the chances of my running into one are scarce at best.

I went ahead and signed up at NaNoWriYe again. Hopefully I will fare better this year than last. I was pretty pumped last year after winning NaNoWriMo my first time out, so I wanted to keep going. But there was a bunch of stupid admin drama and then a bunch of shoddy-ass moderation and community organization. It was kind of a mess. Plus I was writing about Clarence for awhile and that didn't really gt off the ground because of all that happened.

K and N were over on Saturday. We finally watched Kinsey, which was excellent. Funny, poignant, and kind of sad. Lots of great performances and did I mention that it was funny? Well, sex is funny and movies are often funny, so I guess that all stands to reason. Chris O'Donell called his wife in the movie a "prick nibbler". Can you imagine? It was hilarious.

I bought H this Akira Special Edition thing from ebay. It looked fine to me, but then I found out that later the auction was cancelled and the seller banned. The worse part? I did the "buy it now" option, so I've already paid for and recieved it. I'm fairly sure I was swindled, because it didn't come in a tin like it was supposed to. It was shrink wrapped and I didn't want to open it because it was a gift. I suspect though, that it is a copy or something.
Actually, I thought it was okay because of the shrink-wrap; which is silly of me since I already know from my BBuster days that any idiot can shrink-wrap anything if s/he has access to the machine. I don't even have the email anymore (I deleted it when the item arrived, shinkwrapped).
So I guess I'm just boned. I thought I'd just give H the thing early and tell him what happened. It's a drag though, I'm working my ass off to make him a bountiful, gifty, Xmas because he so deserves it. I still have not secured purchase of GTA for PSP and Resident Evil 4 for PS2. So I'm kinda bummed about that, too. I hope they are not too hard to find, otherwise he'll get a gift certificate, and who knows what he'll buy with it. Maybe something without any zombies in it. *gasp*

Oh man...they just put a crittercam on the megalodon. Amazing!!!
wednes: (Default)
But in this case, I felt an exception was warranted.
Sweet, isn't it?

Wednes 35th birthday pic
Wednes 35th birthday pic

By Dan Martin [livejournal.com profile] madush69



As it is the milestone of yet another 365 days of not dying due to my own excesses, I thought I'd take this opportunity to write a revealing post. But Wednes, you'll all say, We know all there is to know about you! You couldn't possibly tell us anything new. You've got some attitude, BTW. And besides, you're wrong! There are hundreds of miraculous factoids floating around about me that one or more of you may well find fascinating. And off we go.

1. I adore Rob Thomas. I just can't help myself. I've been entranced with him since the first time I saw him in that video for Push. And I was worried that maybe he was like, 22 or something. But no, he is 2 years older than H. Seven of my ten most played itunes songs are by him. I own 3 Matchbox 20/Twenty CD's. Plus I hate most popular music, so it's some kind of anomaly.

2. My all-time favorite movie is The 10 Commandments (1956). Yes, that one. It's on TV every Easter season, more often on Palm Sunday. My brothers and I watched it every damn year when we were kids. That Moses story is amazing. In fact, Prince of Egypt was my favorite full-length animated movie for a long time. But I had to give it up for Triplets of Belleville in 2003.

3. The only contemporary video game I play on any sort of regular basis is Pinball of the Dead. Which is full of zombies, and it's tremendously fun. I also like tons of retro games, and own several for the GBA.

4. Speaking of which, my last two apartments have not been zombie safe. At. All. As such, when the zombies do come, my plan will have to be to take my upstairs neighbors out. Of course I'll give them a chance to cooperate; but I've seen enough movies to know that they almost never do. So I'm sorry in advance, but I'm probably going to kill them and take their apartment.

5. And this is probably the most difficult to admit. And I don't want anyone to try to reason me past it because it is a Wednes fact, and not a desperate plea for attention. If I do not ever get published by a "real" publishing house (not online, or self-published) then I will consider myself a failure. That is why it is so scary to be sending things out. So far, not making it out of the slush pile has not been so bad. It would be much worse if publishers read my stuff and thought it sucked. Writing is the thing I'm best at; and it's the only thing I take pride in. So if I'm not successful at it, I will likely grow old and bitter-er.

And there you have it. Five new Wednes facts. Riveting, no?
wednes: (Default)
I'm sure you all remember the creeped out vacation pics I posted a few days ago. Turns out, it was a hilarious joke played on me by Nate. And I must confess, he got me good. However, I don't recall ever pranking him in any way, at any time. I suppose that means that I owe him a good pranking.

*rubs hands together menacingly*

Thankfully, the untouched pics of the vacation finally arrived. So as not to bore you, I'm only posting the ones of me. You will be glad to know that these pics have not been tampered with in any way.


Self Portrait
Self Portrait

Here is a cute pic I snapped of myself. I just love being alone in the woods.



Art House Pic
Art House Pic

This pic is in black & white so it's more artsy. Nothing fancy, just me enjoying some yummy water.



Me, steering a boat
Me, steering a boat

Those of you who know me, know that I never drive anything. But my foray into driving the boat went well, except that Nate kept trying to get me to look in the water; presumably so that I would lose focus. Here's me telling him that he can't fool me for a second.



It seems abundantly clear that a good time was had by me; and in the end, isn't that what really matters?
wednes: (Default)
A little while ago, [livejournal.com profile] pyrafire risked my mild exasperation by tagging me to do a meme about five interesting or annoying habits I have. Of course this meme is utterly impossible for me, not having a single annoying aspect. So instead, I'll tell you what other people to consider some of my more endearing quirks:

1. Product rotation. Everywhere in my house, we properly rotate product: new toilet paper goes behind the old, the new cereal does not get opened until the old cereal is gone, freshly filled ice trays go on the bottom (or on the left in our new place). I'm somewhat militant about it, which I think people find charming.

2. Bat goes up. This is a "pot thing" that refers to the placement of the tiny pipe that goes in a dugout (a dugout being a little wooden box where you put already cleaned weed and a little pipe, very conveneint for people who enjoy the risk of smoking outside their homes). Most people face theirs down because they say...actually I don't know why they say it. But people look at me like I'm utterly insane for putting my in facing up. I don't want weed getting stuck in the spring. Anyway, people say it's weird, but those people are wrong.

3. My chair. No one should ever, under any circumstances, sit in my chair. In my own defense, my enforcement of this rule is kind and benevolent. Seriously though, get out of my chair. I will hurt you.

4. Obsessive taping of The Simpsons and a few other cartoon shows. Obviously, this is not wierd, and many of the people who say it is wierd like to stop by and watch, so they can shut up. When I started taping them, you couldn't just buy TV shows later. If you didn't want to wait for a rerun, you had to tape stuff you wanted to watch again. Nowadays, recording TV is less important and more prevailent. Isn't that funny? I'm not even taping LOST, because someday I will have a job again.

5. I can't think of anything I've left out. Maybe someone can suggest something quirky about me. Just remember that I have the internet, and as such, can find each and every one of you if someone gives me a ride.

----------

In "look who died" news, the immortal Munson from Flash Gordon has died. Sad and all, but it also reminded me of this thing I read at the site where I go read when I want to read writers who are funnier than me. And that thing is located here. If you had no idea that this site existed, you should stop being such a lazy, slacking, idiot and avail yourself of the comedy already!

As for me, I had an awesome EMDR session today; worked out some things. My therapy focus currently is on avoiding self-sabotage. I imagine I'll be working that theme into my NaNoWriMo novel this time around. I'll also be dealing with the se7en deadly sins (yeah, they've officially changed the spelling of that), and tragic flaws and the like. So that should be enlightening and fun.
wednes: (Default)
And I'm so bummed I didn't think of it myself.

Just keep in mind that the real school will have to be at least three times this size...

Your LJ Halloween Party by cerulean_dreams
Username
What are you going to be for Halloween?
Dressed up as a Vampirejezaimee
Came as a psycho Clownlickingtoad
Dressed up as a Nudistraggedrose
Came as a Sexy Witchsugarytea
Painted themselves yellow and ran around screamingemperorsamir
Dressed up as a Pirateslapnticklejr
Wore a Catwoman outfitporcelain72
Dressed up as Dr. Frankenfurtermediocratez
Spiked the Punchjoe_christ
Is coming after you with a real knifenear_dark
Quiz created with MemeGen!


While I'm here, I beleive I'll post my one word review of the Family Guy movie: Meh. As we observed during the special features, "mildly amused" pretty much sums it up. Some very funny moments, and a slightly better plot than we often get on the TV. But all in all, I didn't laugh as much as I expected it to do. You'd think people would have learned from South Park that shocking us with vulgarity is fine but it's still absolutley critical that you be funny.

Myself, I only do funny in a casual way. I would never attempt to do it professionally. In all seriousness, I think that comedy writers tend to be more screwed up emotionally than people who do horror. No, I'm not basing this on anything but my own impressions. But I think horror writers (the good ones, not the book equivalent of a slasher movie) are more prone to be introspective. They probably have a better understanding of insanity just because they need it for thier work. Comedy writers, OTOH, are funny to keep from dealing with overwhelming things plaguing them in real life: repression, rage, intense fears, all kinds of crap. I guess I suspect this because that's what I use comedy for in real life, but my writing is totally separate from that. My writing is much more sarcastic than funny, which I guess sarcasm is just wit with a bunch of anger thrown in for good measure. Anyone feel me on this?

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