wednes: (Sow the Seed)
My sleep schedule has been full of the craze--Crazeful, if you will...
I've always wanted to be in some kind of Overlook Hotel situation where I can sleep, wake, eat etc whenever I wanted with no thought of anyone else's schedule. I'd be curious to see how much sleep I'd actually want, and what the intervals would be. *sigh* No matter what I do, someone wants to make some kind of demand of my time. If only I could be totally snowed in.

I'm cutting this pic due to hugeness )
This marvelous thing arrived in the mail. WOW! and wow again.
Big thanks to the sender, [personal profile] crowjoy. You are badass!

Under this cut is a rather large pic of one of the anthologies I was in over the summer. )

My Obama Biden 2012 bumper sticker also arrived. I'm not posting a pic since I presume you've all seen a fucking bumper sticker before.

In case you forgot, or *gasp* didn't know to begin with, I'm covering a few shows this season for GeekBinge. Whatever you do, do NOT cheat yourself out of the awesome episode reviews I'm putting up for Boardwalk Empire on HBO, and Dexter on Showtime. Starting this week, I'm also covering American Horror Story. When the mid-season shows start, I'll also be doing episode reviews of Following--which is the new series with Kevin Bacon and *swooooooon* James Purefoy. That guy is stupid-hot, and even more swoonworthy is the fact that he's an engaging and versatile performer.

I'm not actually covering The Walking Dead this season. I presumed someone at ZZN would handle it, but that place is might as well have virtual tumbleweeds rolling past. I wish the dudes would come back and write some shit. After all...it's zombie season. It can't be all about Floridians eating each other's faces, after all.

This Friday is my 5-year Wedding anniversary.
Time flies when you're happily married, eh?
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You may recall that I went through a considerable amount of stress before my wedding. Even though I had resigned myself to being a fat bride, I had some sort of issue with being a visibly, enormously fat bride--which I guess had something to do with the fact that I'd be seeing people I hadn't seen in years. I was also paying someone (albiet a good friend) to take as many pictures of me as humanly possible. In short, I freaked out. I even lost an Lj friend over my freaking out about my appearance solely as it related to size. Even bearing all that in mind, I am just disgusted and saddened by this.

This woman was so ashamed and embarassed to be a "fat bride" that she literally killed herself trying to lose wieght. Worst still, she was under a doctor's care. A doctor who assured her that being fat is always bad and unhealthy and anything you need to do to be less fat is always worth it. Yes, of course. That's why all thin people are happy and healthy; and absolutely no fat people are. Yay! So instead of getting married (what? you mean someone loved her even though she was fat?!? madness!) she gets to be dead. And the doctor who told her to starve to death so she could be thin gets to keep right on telling people that there's nothing more important than "looking healthy" even if you're about to keel over.

Obviously, I can't sit here and say that I have no issues about my weight or size. Not only could I stand to do a LOT more exercise (not to lose wieght so much, but to feel better and have more energy), but I can be remarkably sensitive about wieght related comments. If you read the linked article, the dead girl's brother says something like I always told her she was fat, I had no idea it affected her so much. Right. being mocked by your own family never affects anyone negatively. That's why serial killers are all so tight with their parents and siblings. Oh wait...
As you know, I'll be going to a Vampire Ball next month to meet Voltaire. I adore Voltaire. He seems like a cool guy in RL. Still, I am confident that I will spontaneously combust into a pillar of tears if he made some sort of comment or evil look about getting his picture taken with a fat girl. Seriously, I'd run out of there crying like a 12-year old girl at her first school dance; even though I'm a happily married woman who is almost 40. Solution? The "No Fat Chicks" shirt. I announce my awareness of my fatness (ever have some stranger tell you you're fat, as if perhaps you'd been previously unaware? mortifying), implying that I'm very comfortable with it. It's also witty, and I do enjoy being witty. Let's just hope that the attractiveness of my wit outwieghs (pun?) the purported hideousness of my terrible, terrible fat.
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My Aunt Barb sent H and I some awesome belated wedding gifts. Although given the timing, I'm thinking of them as anniversary gifts. Anywhoo...we got a new Brita pitcher, which we really needed but didn't want to shell out for. We got some new mixing/storage bowls with lids and two of the awesomest (yes, it's a word) memory foam pillows I have ever seen. They kick the ass and I can't wait to go to bed tonight so I can use one.

So now the only thing I didn't get for the wedding that I really wanted was the bread machine. I'm wondering if H will get me one for Christmas, even though I've been pretty clear in saying "no more kitchen stuff" he still might get it.

You know what's funny? Aside from some movies and books and stuff, there's not really anything big or expensive that I need or want this holiday season. Make no mistake, I could still drop $500 bucks at amazon at the drop of a hat if I had it. But I don't really NEED anything so I don't know what to ask for when H asks what I want for my birthday or Christmas...well, except the bread maker. I grow weary of making my own bread, so I don't do it and have to settle for stupid store bought bread. Good bread is one of the great joys of life. But it takes a whole day just to make, and I have other things I need to do with my days.

I put the wedding photos into the album today. It looks awesome and tells the lovely story of me and H getting hitched. We literally jumped the broom, and it was groovy. Now there's a picture book to prove it all wasn't a lie.

I also got some character development underway for my NaNo novel. Of course, it's been so long since I've had a crush on someone I kinda forget what it's like. I need to track down my Hot Hot former Boss and--on second thought, maybe that's a bad idea.
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MoveOn.org wants more volunteers to go door to door in Ann Arbor to talk about Obama. I'm not going to do it, even though I probably could make the time. I just don't think it's neccessary. Obama signs lurk everywhere around here, and most of the people i know in town are already voting "correctly."

And yet...

I'm not so sure Obama is going to win this thing. And if he does, I'm going to be damn frightened for him. Watching McCain's fans on YouTube and on the news, I am horrified at how much ignorance, stupidity and racism there still is in this country. Living in Ann Arbor, it's easy to forget.
And the whole Obama/Osama thing? People are still making an assertion that because part of their names rhyme, they must be in cohoots. WTF?!? That's like saying that because Charles Manson was a bad guy, that we should also watch out for Ted Danson, and the guys from Hanson. Honestly, does that make one damn bit of sense? Only if you're a fucking moron.

My weekend was fairly unremarkable. I didn't get much work done on my new NaNo project. I was too busy playing with the computer and having fun. I drank two run and cokes on Saturday, so I had quite a little buzz on for a while there. H's and my first anniversary was yesterday, which we are celebrating today with presents and dinner at Pizza House (actually, we're having them deliver). I got him Ironman, and he got me print outs of the wedding pics, which I'd been asking him for for almost a year. So I can finally finish the album I got from [livejournal.com profile] abinthofheart's mom. And yes, [livejournal.com profile] pak_man78 I know she's your mom too!
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My groovy New Year's Eve party begins soon. Right now, there's a cake cooling on the counter, along with eggrolls defrosting slightly before I bake them. There is hommus and lavash in the fridge, and after I post this I'm going to change into some fly pajamas.

I found a job this year, after almost three years of disability. I was pretty damn depressed at how long it took me to find a decent job, but eventually I did. It's a good job for the likes of me, and I seem to be doing pretty well at it. So yay for that!!

I got married this year, it was a big year for weddings in fact. My wedding was wonderful and beautiful, and more importantly, I picked exactly the right man. So yay for that as well.

Two of my books got picked up for publication. One of them is actually good and may 'break out' as they say. I don't know about all that, but I'll be happy if people I don't know in real life decide to buy a copy.

I lost 15 pounds this year, which is better than the 10 I usually gain. I'm feeling pretty good about myself in that way, even though I'm not yet in the shape I'd like to be. This year, more yoga and less fast food I think.

I ended my three year stint in intensive therapy which included medication, Group and individual sessions, and plenty of EMDR. I feel great about all I accomplished in therapy, it's made some really positive changes in my life and helped me be a better partner to H. So yay for that too!

Next year my books will actually come out, so I have something to feel good about there. Plus I have some more novel stuff in the works, possibly for a 2009/2010 release. A bunch of my short stories are coming out too, and some of those are pretty good.

My 20 year high school reunion will be this year. Not sure yet if I plan to attend. I may though, we'll see if H can get the time off work. Because it might be fun to go, now that I have a life.

This year was a great year, with much to feel good about.
Next year promises to be even better, methinks.
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I know this has taken a long time, but here are some pics from the handfasting:


The Rings
The Rings





Plenty pics under here )
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Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
39,186 / 50,000
(78.4%)


If I dare say so, I'm kicking ass on the NaNoWriMo this year. I never, ever thought I would get this far, and there fore, I'm going to try my damnest to win again this year.

Woot Woot!

In other news, my wedding pics are posted online for my perusal. I'm not sure if I'm going to send H's mom the link or not. I pretty much feel that if she wanted to see us, she should have stayed. Then again, I don't want to be a bitch about the whole thing. Anyway, choice pics will be posted as soon as I get the CD with all the stuff on it. There are some great snaps of lots of people. and H looks striking and handsome.

I need to get pics taken for my book cover, one of those sassy author shots that makes me look both intelligent and cute. The second novel will not, I don't think, have my pic on it unless the first book does alarmingly well. The second novel has a pic of Clarence, my former cat on it. Neat, eh?

My fish & chips is here, so I'm off!
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Went back to therapy today. I'm thinking I'm going to begin the process of slowly weaning myself off of therapy and Group and stuff. I'll still take the meds because it's obvious that I need them, but I don't think I need to be so intensely focused on my mental health anymore.

H and I received lovely gifts today from Mr and Mrs [livejournal.com profile] cmdavi_70 and from [livejournal.com profile] diachrony. Both gifts are much appreciated. Whooo!

We ran out of milk today so I couldn't cook any of the things I had planned for dinner. Instead we ordered from Pizza House, which means I have a slab of tiramisu waiting for me in the fridge. I guess I made myself used to fine dining and only want gourmet food now.

You know, every time I watch HP and The Goblet of Fire on tv, I find myself hoping that just once, Cedric would get to the cup in time and not be killed. He never does though...
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We are now back from Chicago and our wonderful honeymoon. We had a swell time with [livejournal.com profile] uterdic and [livejournal.com profile] smarbaby who went on our journey with us. We stayed in a lovely suite with a bathtub in the bedroom; it had two TV's and a mini fridge. It was sweet. There was much delicious and varied dining, a ton of walking around, and some staple attractions like Navy Pier and the Shedd Aquarium.

The aquarium was utterly amazing. As I mentioned in my voice post, there were many different kinds of sharks (though no Great Whites, much to the disappointment of one kid I saw), a green anaconda, a komodo dragon, lots of lizards, turtles, and an insane amount of fish of all kinds from everywhere in the world. There was a huge, live lungfish that has been around since the 1930's, dolphins, otters, and beluga whales with a recent calf. The whole thing was pretty damn incredible.

I have a new favorite drink: the mojito. I found it in a swell restaurant called TopoloBampo which my dear friend and Maid of Honor [livejournal.com profile] missgrete treated us to. We took the bus and a cab once each, and walked around a great deal. I'm afraid I don't have any pics, because H forgot to bring the camera.

Did I say "no" pics? Well, there was one, but it's not very flattering:

Me at the entrance to the aquarium, in the mouth of a Komodo Dragon.
Scary!

While I'm posting pics, let me also share this pic of a gift I got from [livejournal.com profile] kissdbyagnome:

Aren't they something? I just have to figure out a cool way to display them.
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The ceremony was lovely and casual and fun, we just sort of winged it having had half a rehearsal and everything written down. We did a candle lighting ceremony, a ribbon fasting, a broom jump, and vows. There was also a reading from the Christian Bible. Everyone said it was a beautiful ceremony, which I guess is what people always say. I was glad to hear it though since I wrote it myself, with some help from a few online sources.

There were about say, 50 people there, all of whom seemed to have a good time. Good food, good music and a wonderful crowd made for a splendid evening for everyone concerned.


There was precious little dancing, which I thought was a drag at first. But there are pictures of what little dancing there was, so it will look like there was more. ;-] There was also a lot of smooching. The flowers that my maid of honor did were beautiful, as evidenced by my fly bouquet. There were also a lot of roses...and plenty of cake left over for people to take home. So that was awesome.
We had to have the ceremony inside because of rain, but it was still very nice.

There will be lots more piccies soon. But these should give you an idea of what it was all like.

then there was drama )I'm pretty angry that she would do that to H, so I'm nowhere near ready to talk about it.

Anywhoo, all the family is leaving today, and we leave for Chicago tomorrow.
Honeymoon!!! Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Update:

Oct. 18th, 2007 09:02 pm
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Bachelorette Party: Wicked Awesome. We played Mad Libs and Wii, we drank and smoked and ate funny brownies. My sister in law got more wasted than I did, and a splendid time was had by all. Amaretto is still delicious, even in coke. [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart, [livejournal.com profile] klynnfrost, and [livejournal.com profile] missgrete were all in attendance. We drank to [livejournal.com profile] smarbaby in her absence, well, I did anyway. ;-]

Meeting H's Mom: Went very well. She's great and liked her present very much. She brought us yet another gift in addition to the five off our registry and the money she gave us.

Catering: appears to be under control. Fruit and veggie trays are underway.

Ceremony: has been moved inside. Even if it doesn't rain tomorrow the soil will be all damn and gross from it raining so much today and tonight.

Flowers: being taken care of by [livejournal.com profile] missgrete

Gifts and cards: keep pouring in. Thanks, everyone!!! Most recently, we received a gift from [livejournal.com profile] lickingtoad

Vows: not yet written

Everything else: seems to be fine.
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I think I'm having some sort of bachelorette thing tonight. I don't know for sure, but my Maid of Honor is driving to Michigan as we speak, and will be here within hours to get me loaded. Not that I really need to mark the occasion of my nuptuals with loadedness. It's more of an homage to the loadedness of my youth, and my transformation away from loadedness and toward reality. As such, I'll be having a drink or two. Mmmmm...amaretto. and of course, we shall smoke.

H's mom gets into town tomorrow, when I'll be meeting her for the first time. I also have to shop for the fruit and veggie trays for some reason, and buy more soda. I went to *gasp* Walmart yesterday for soda, only because I wanted to pay the lowest price possible. I don't actually support them or anything they do or stand for. Anyway, they were out of cases and 12-packs of coke. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna buy freakin' 8-packs for a whole wedding because they couldn't be bothered to keep up stock.

I painted my nails this sparkly pink color. I thought I was really going to like it. It's a fun, hot pink in the bottle, but on my hands it's more of a salmon. It actually clashes with my ring. Sparkly salmon isn't really what I was going for here, so I'll probably take it off and use something I've already got around here. Or maybe I'll just do my toes and leave my fingernails alone. I don't normally wear polish anyway, I just thought it would be cool for the wedding and pics. It feels very heavy on my fingers, and out of place.

I still have no idea at all what to do with my hair.
Somebody offer to help, please!
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Photo by Wendy Kubacki

Here is me with my new wand that was made for me by my good friend Steve. It's made of red oak and is sanded to a cool shine. He also sanded up some staffs (staves? I call them wands, not rods) for me and [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart. We two are lucky gals.

Something has been bugging me lately. There's a person I've known forever who has started to strike me as so pretentious I can hardly stand it. It was bothering me to the point of profound annoyance and I couldn't figure out why it was bugging me too much. I began to wonder if perhaps I was the one who had become snobby and irritating. I'm still mulling it over and am open to any insights you fine folks might have. I'd like to think I'm very down to earth and easygoing, even though I'm prone to freaking out needlessly about things. But I don't think I'm pretentious. Although now that I think about it, my Mom says I am. Or said. I haven't talked to her in years so I don't know what she says now, but I bet it's all the same. Yeah, she always said I was snobby with my new clothes and fancy book learnin'. Okay, this is turning into a ramble.

I'm done with work until after the Big Thing. We are going to get the license on Monday, or apply for it or whatever. Then I have to buy enough soda for 60 people. I'm going to figure 2 for everyone plus an extra case. Some people will likely bring beer or wine. My dress is done being hemmed and I'll have my "final fitting" on Monday as well. H's mom went crazy buying gifts off our registry. How long is one supposed to leave the registry up for after the wedding? I'm sure it's considered *gasp* tacky to keep it up to "too long." And tacky is the worst possible word to describe someones wedding choices...if the knot has anything to say about it anyway.
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H's sister Honore is here, three days earlier than I was expecting her. She is an awesome chick though, and right now is calling our order in to the Pizza House where we are getting *gasp* pizza. I gasp because I almost never order pizza. After all, they deliver cheeseburgers.

Tommy Boy is on cable right now. I am shocked and horrified to find that they gave it only one star. Okay, it's a stupid, predictable movie that relies solely on Spade and Farley for the funny. Even Dan Ackroyd is kind of sucky in it. But c'mon, one star?!? Chris Farley is swell, and merits two stars just for effort. So officially, I protest this rating and it's paltry one star.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before I get two weeks off for the wedding and honeymoon. In case you didn't know, H and I are going to Chicago with [livejournal.com profile] uterdic and [livejournal.com profile] smarbaby. It's gonna be awesome. We're gonna see Komodo Dragons at the aquarium and some other stuff too. I've only hung out in Chicago one other time, for one night while I was watching my friend's band play. I threw up in the middle of the street after eating some wicked mexican food and washing it down with tequila. Boooo! So this time I won't be doing any drinking.

I know you're all sick of hearing this, but it's one week until my wedding.

Yeeeeeeeeeee!
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Last night H and I watched The Number 23, which I'd heard was terrible. I don't know who's been telling me these things, but this movie was quite good. Carrey is wonderful in it, gritty and utterly believable. There are plenty of sex and murder scenes respectively. And Rhona Mitra appears briefly as a total bitch. Virgina Madsen is great as always, but pales in comparison to Jim Carrey slowly going insane for our amusement. So see this movie if you haven't, and be sure to let me know what you think.

Group is tonight, and I totally have to go because I will likely miss the next week or two. H's sister Honore is coming to stay on Friday, which is about three days earlier than I thought she was coming. I have to work both Friday and Saturday this week, as does H. So I'm not sure how entertaining we're going to be while we're not here. Luckily, she has a laptop and will almost certainly busy herself playing WoW. WoW players are pretty good house guests because they mainly keep to themselves. I think I'll rent us up some movies for the visit. I'll bet she hasn't seen Knocked Up, and nor have I. So that'll be a good one.

I ordered a full out gallon of Nature's Miracle in a vain attempt to rid my carpet of cat urine. There is this one spot by the litterbox that they just kept peeing on. I cleaned it up a few times, but then got sick of it and now it's kinda out of hand. So I'll be tackling that some time before I go back to work on Friday. Only two more days of work before I get two whole weeks off for the wedding. I think I'll be due for some serious post wedding let down after all this antici...pation.


wednes
"It is always party time"
'What is your personal life motto?' at QuizGalaxy.com


Also, what the hell is Facebook and why the hell should I care?
And it better be a better use of my time than freaking MySpace.
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Have you seen this movie, Vacancy with Luke Wilson and some chick that's in a lot of things people like? It also has Frank Whaley in a role you can hardly believe is him. I'd been watching so much crappy horror lately that I thought perhaps I had become impervious to suspense--not unlike the time Cartman blew his funny fuse. Turns out, I'm still highly susceptable to suspense and scariness, which this movie has in spades. It's unique, fresh, and while it may not keep you guessing until the bitter end, it will scare the crap out of you. The background could have been fleshed out a bit more, but overall this movie gets my reccomends.

I'm making H's favorite cookies tonight. He likes the Alton Brown puffy recipe made with peanut butter chips and no chocolate. Myself, I like the chocolate and peanut butter together. But they are for H, and he's great so he can have whatever he wants. That's also why we had tacos for dinner two days in a row.

We got a lovely wedding gift from my buddy Steve and his wife. It was a beautiful ornamental cross that is all sparkly and looks sort of like stained glass. And also a wooden pentacle that is one of a kind and hand carved. Both of them are quite nice and will likely find a place in our living room, and our wedding altar. Only ten more days to go. I'm likely to freak out any minute now.
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I have a bunch of stuff left to do for the wedding. I have to go shopping for the fruit and veg for the trays, put together the ladies attendant gifts (all the chicks who helped out are getting gifts), buy plates, napkins, soda and forks. I guess I should get cups too even though the soda will be in cans. Using 2-litre bottles just seems sort of tacky to me for some reason.

We received a beautiful gift in the mail from [livejournal.com profile] lostsatellite. It was off my registry. It's so cool that people are actually buying stuff off it. Big thanks to [livejournal.com profile] lostsatellite.

Work is still really hard. I came in today with a stack of like, 7 papers. EAch paper detailed some aspect of customer service work that I did incorrectly. Granted, that was over the course of a week but still. I assume that my level of mistakes is higher than average, but I don't really know. No one has told me I suck yet, but I feel like it's coming. Then again, I always feel like that and could stand to relax.


Open a fortune cookie!
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I have the weekend off and I plan to spend it enjoying a combination of relaxing and fun.

By the way, I've decided I don't care for Bionic Woman. H really likes it though, so I'll probably watch it so we have another show to watch together. Maybe it will grow on me. Maybe Aaron Douglass will come back and have a big role. Battlestar Galactica will be ending soon, which was our last mutually enjoyable, non-cartoon show.
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I try not to watch much news these days (fake news doesn't count) because it makes me feel so helpless and disgusted at what is going on in our country, and the world. I don't feel like I can do a damn thing about it, and that makes me very sad. Sometimes though, there is an atrocity that we can actually do something about. Case in point, the slaughter of endangered gray wolves. While I don't know all the facts here, I'm pretty sure using aerial snipers against endangered animals is wrong. Maybe one of you knows why they want to kill the wolves. Better yet, maybe some of you will want to stop it. By clicking the above link, you can spread the word and contribute to saving the gray wolf.

I got tagged to do a meme where I post ten things that made me happy recently. Let's see if I can think of that many:

1. My raise at work.
2. Being prepared for my work presentation tomorrow.
3. Getting married
4. H's mom coming to the wedding
5. H's undying love
6. Payday avalanche bars
7. Seeing college peeps at the wedding
8. all the new dresses I've been getting
9. My cats
10. New season of Sunday night FOX

We thought H's fam might not make it to the wedding, but it turns out that they can. I haven't decided yet if I want to cook for the rehearsal dinner or if we want to go out. I kind of want to cook for H's family but don't want to stress myself out with too much work. I think I will probably make a pot of chili.

I also don't know what hotel to put H's fam in. Honore and her step bro Gene are staying with us, but the parents need a hotel. I'm thinking either Holiday Inn express or Best Western. I was going to make reservations for everyone at Best Western, but it doesn't look like anyone else will need a hotel at all.
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We received gifts yesterday and today from [livejournal.com profile] groovesinorbit and from Good Adam and Kimmie. They were swell gifts all the way around. One of them came in a giant (and I mean giant, like I could jump into it) draw string bag. It's large and cumbersome, but I really don't want to throw it away because it's so damn cool. I think I'm gonna keep it under the bed for next time I need a giant, draw string bag. Maybe I'll make some enormous runes the size of 33 1/3 records and keep them in there. Ha HA HA HA!

I passed my test at work. In fact, my score was quite good. So far the extra work hasn't been too bad. Next week I have to give a sales presentation about finding the customer's "pain" and making it better. I don't know why, but I sometimes feel I'm losing my urge to speak in front of crowds. I used to be really good at that sort of thing, but lately I tend to get nervous and forgetful when I have to speak in front of any group. Plus my new boss makes me nervous, I think she thinks I'm dumb or something. The good news is, I get a raise because I passed my test. So Yay for money and Yay for me.

When does LOST start again? I would've thought I'd be inundated with ads for it, but I've seen not a one. I want my Michael Emerson back, and I want Hurley right now! I'm sick of waiting.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow, nor do I want to call all the RSVP slackers when I get home.
But I'm going to do both.
Sunday is grocery shopping, followed by a housewarming party, followed by cartoons, followed by sleep.
Because I have to work early every Monday and Tuesday, it would seem.
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It appears that the majority of my college peeps are blowing off my wedding invitation entirely. Tomorrow is the deadline for RSVP's and I've gotten like, 4 of them out of 80 invites sent. Can you even believe that? I mean, there are plenty of people helping out at the wedding that I know will be there, but I've got to give my final number to the caterer next week. Truth be told, I'm just very sad that so many people give so little thought or care, this wedding is a very big deal to me.

My former caterer had the audacity to call me a "Bridezilla" because I prefer someone sober and reliable. She seems to think it's a hilarious joke, which I do not. Frankly I've about had it with her and all her drunken bullshit anyway.

So I'm not in the best of spirits today and have to go to work from 1-9. Plus I find out if I passed my customer service test. If I did, my job just became infinitely more difficult because I can't pass off tough calls anymore. I have to solve problems and do returns and stuff. Fie, I don't want to. But that's why I make decent money now, because my job is really hard.

Watched Bionic Woman last night. Was it me or did they totally rip off Blade Runner during that fight sequence? Aaron Douglass better have a larger, more compelling role than what we've seen. Otherwise it's just a battle of the pretty girls, which isn't going to hold my interest for long.

Colbert was wicked awesome last night. Sam Waterston AND Tony Bennet. Nice.
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In case I haven't mentioned it, I'm getting married very soon. Very, very soon.
Next week I have to hire the new caterers and probably give them a deposit of some kind. I have to pay the cake lady and take H to go get the license. I still have to put the gifts together, write notes to everyone who's helping, fold the favors (hopefully [livejournal.com profile] missgrete will want to help with that) and do a zillion more things I don't feel like listing here. My face is all broken out, presumably from wedding stress combined with work stress.

Speaking of work, I called in sick today because I am in fact, pretty sick. So that's one ass kicking I owe Nate for giving me whatever kind of queasy, scratchy crud this is.

Bad news, I was reading over the beginning of my serial killer novel. Turns out, it isn't very good. The early narration downright sucks in the light of day and sobriety. So I've got that I need to be working on too. If I can just figure out what needs to change, I can save the actual rewrite until after the wedding. No sense giving myself an extra thing to stress over. At the same time, I don't want to get behind.


I am going to die at 85.  When are you? Click here to find out!


I saw something today that totally bummed me out. Famed horror and etc. writer, Poppy Z Brite ([livejournal.com profile] docbrite) was posting about how some reviewer speculated unkindly about her motives for blogging. Apparently it, among other things, was making her rethink her choice to keep her blog, which I read regularly and enjoy very much. It leads me to wonder, just how fucking famous and successful do you have to be before the random judgments of virtual strangers stop bothering you? Myself, I'm looking quite forward to telling mean pundits and half assed reviewers to go fuck themselves if my books sells any copies at all. I'll almost surely have more fans than negative reviews, right? I hope so at least. Then again, I thought getting a publishing contract would be enough to validate me as a writer, and I still don't feel particularly validated. I guess it's just another one of those demons I'll have to battle through a combination of therapy, drugs, and EMDR. ;-]
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Hey, [livejournal.com profile] parilous

Your lovely gift arrived today.
Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.

(I'll be sending out paper Thank You's after the wedding)


Work was fine today, though I think I'm getting sick. I took my Customer Service test and will find out tomorrow whether or not I passed. I hope I'm not too sick to care. I'd better not lose my voice or I'm gonna kick [livejournal.com profile] nate101000's ass for making me sick.

I made some ghiradelli brownies yesterday for cartoons. They were chocolate chip walnut and had this amazing texture like they were melting in my mouth. Man, they were good. And there's a bunch left. I will almost certainly have one later. Brownies are one of chocolate's finest applications.

Now that I'm thinking of it, what's YOUR favorite way to eat chocolate?
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but I don't feel like cooking them. When is that damn IHOP going to open on Carpenter? I want my IHOP.

H made the favors for the wedding. They are, as you may know, tiny Mad Lib books written by me. They are really something. And as if that weren't cool enough, each book will come with a "Thank you for sharing our special day" pen with our names and the date on it. They are pretty sweet. We didn't cheap out on the pens, they're nice ones. This week I have to go arrange for the catering, and next week we need to go apply for the marriage license.

I finished reading Howl's Moving Castle, which was really good. [livejournal.com profile] absinthofheart loaned it to me after we watched the movie together. I like Calcifer better in the book, which is not to say I dislike him in the movie. The book is much different and has a lot more girl power. I reccomend it whether you've seen the movie or not, though you should probably do both. ;-] Christian Bale as Howl is hella cool.

New cartoons tonight on FOX. It's way early for that, which is to say, they are on time this year. Usually we have to wait until November just to get a Halloween episode. And an hour of Family Guy? Yes, please! I'm making brownies (choco chip walnut) for the occasion. I may even throw in a spinach and feta pizza later just because that sounds tasty. I predict that the new cartoons will be awesome. I'm only sad that [livejournal.com profile] lickingtoad has to work and therefore can't be with us.

H and I played Wii for much of the afternoon. We unlocked another level and got the Elvis suit in the Rabbit game. That game is a riot. I also massacred H in bowling and tennis. I thought he had me both times, but I emerged victorious. The Wii also gets my highest reccomends as a fun thing for couples to do together. We always have a blast playing that stupid thing.

And finally, A League of Their Own is on. I love that movie.
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Which is where I've been in case you were wondering. I thought about voice posting but didn't really feel like it. So let me just go over a few things briefly:

1. The Death of Shaky Jake, Ann Arbors favorite homeless dude. Jake was in his 80's when he died, and he always did just exactly whatever he wanted. He walked around in a lady's red hat, holding a guitar he could not play, filling our heads with little nuggets of wisdom. Once he told me "You alright girl, everything you do will come up sunshine." I don't think EVERYTHING I do comes up sunshine, but it was nice to hear anyway. Jake didn't stay at the shelter much, but I'd still see him around every now and again. Once I bought him lunch at the mall; I felt most altruistic.

2. People are buying gifts off my registry. It's awesome. I got the glasses from [livejournal.com profile] thehula yesterday along with the Wii charge station from Anne. People are entirely too awesome.

3. Work. I'm doing all sorts of odd jobs at work, collections calls, gift certificates, and soon I'll be doing returns and lost package recovery and all sorts of stuff. I feel like I'm barely keeping up with learning all the stuff they want me to learn, but I'm sure it will all come together soon. My work crush is still full of extreme hotness, so that's nice. He was looking at my engagement ring (he's a jeweler) and thinks it costs a lot more than it did.

4. I decided to fire my caterer, although I haven't told her yet. I'm hoping she will want to do some fruit and veggie trays. I'm having the rest catered by the local greek restaurant. It's gonna be delicious. Anyway, my old caterer relapsed again and didn't call me for four days when we were supposed to have a meeting to finalize the menu. Then she lied and said her phone was broken. Lies! Lies and Slander! I don't take it well when people lie to me, the lie insults us both and demonstrates that we don't have a very good friendship to begin with.

5. Today. I'm off work and have already seen the doctor. So I'm done for the day. I'm gonna have a nap, get up, eat something and read my serial killer novel so I can figure out where I want to go next. Also Steve is coming over to take some snaps of the wand he made me. Oh yeah, my friend Steve made me a wand out of red oak. It's really nice, I imagine it will be used at the handfasting.

6. Please let me know if you posted anything important since Tuesday. I hate being out of the loop.
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When you are talking about an idea, is it a "capital" idea or "capitol"?
I really have no idea because I don't know the origin of the phrase.
But I bet one of you knows, and would love to tell me.

I tweaked my LJ layout into a similar but slightly cooler one. I put up Edvard Munch's Murderer again since I've been in the mood to look at it. It really is one of my all-time fave paintings.

Which is better, the new Wicker Man or the new Hitcher?
I'm inclined to think Hitcher will be better since I hate Nick Coppola and like Sean Bean.
I'm growing strangely tolerant of horror movie remakes and I'm not sure why.
I'd better watch out or [livejournal.com profile] spook_frolic will drop me from his flist.
I'm already not much of a horror drunk.

Off to work in a bit, where my work crush will be. He's swell.
I found out he's moving to another department so I will almost never see him. ;-[

Supposed to be meeting with the caterers this Sunday. I'll feel a lot better about the catering situation if I sit down with them and iron everything out. We haven't actually finalized the menu yet, so that'll be good to do. I just don't want to stress about anything else. I'm all broken out.

Also, it's cold outside. Jacket weather already!
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If any of you are planning on sending a card or gift from my wedding registry (and I'm not saying you should, but I know some of you will), I implore you to please, please put your real names and LJ names on the card or gift note or however they do it. If you don't, I might not be able to send a thank you card, which I totally want to do.

This has happened before with gifts and cards and I really want to be able to thank everyone for their thoughtfulness.


I feel bad enough I still haven't send a thank you card to [livejournal.com profile] sudrin for the lovely, early gift.

Anyway, even if you don't feel like sending us something, you should still check out our registry because I worked really hard on it. ;-]
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"Doctor" Brady Barr is this new guy doing crocodiles, sharks, snakes and stuff on Nat'l Geographic channel. He's supposed to be a professional guy with lots of experience with the animals and such. I was watching him with H last night and have decided that he's the biggest crybaby wuss we've ever seen on such a show.

Myself, I've handled an 11 foot python alone. It was just fine. This guy screamed like a little girl trying to get a 13 foot python out of a hole in the ground. He screamed every time it struck at him--not hit him mind you, but just every time it moved to strike. And he had TWO people helping him. Still screaming. Then later, he was shrieking like a little girl while behind a guy who was subduing a small shark. This guy needs to stop running around in his little tan suit trying to look like Steve Irwin and screaming like a wuss everytime an animal gets anywhere near him. I mean, C'mon. Then later still he got bit by a tiny skink and shrieked like he was dying.


Wedding invites went out today. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] smarbaby they looked wonderful. Let the dance of the RSVP commence!! My nerves are on edge with all this wedding stuff, and I'm totally broken out because of it. Ew. Working on the music list is going to be a huge, awful task. At least the ceremony is written and the shopping is almost done.

I'm reading the novel of Howl's Moving Castle right now. It's pretty good and has a lot more going on than the movie. Once I finish it, I can start on the lycanthrope novels I got from my publishing house. I need to spend more time reading and less time watching TV. Of course as I type this I'm watching a marathon of Treehouse of Horror eps on tape. My favorite.

Is there a place where soda is really, super cheap but is not evil like Wal*Mart?
I don't know where I want to buy our soda from for the wedding.
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I was gonna post about my shower, all the people who came, games we played, gifts I got, etc. But when I woke up for work this morning I read about this white trash fist fight at the Mtv awards. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't both those guys in their 40's? Older? Far too old to be scuffling like frat boys at a public event; and over Pam Anderson no less? She's pretty gross. Anyway, Kid Rock proves himself to be as classy as ever.

As if that weren't bad enough, it seems Britney Spears was outright laughed at for not being as sexy as she was before she had two kids. Not that I'm a fan or anything, but geez, that's harsh. Everybody lip synchs at those things, give the poor trailer girl a break. I mean, how much would it suck to be washed up at 25?

Everytime I miss watching one of Mtv's gala award shows, I miss something funny.


My shower was fun though I still have a ton of cleaning up to do. I hope H helps out with it since I have to work all day today and tomorrow till 9pm. Now that the shower is over, it's time to get even more serious about doing the rest of the wedding stuff. I have a lot left to do.

Also, I have to start making the music list for the reception. What songs would you absolutely HATE to hear at a wedding reception? Be honest.
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I'm totally starting to freak out about all the stuff that isn't done for the wedding. It's only five weeks away, and well, I'm not going to bore you with a list but a ton of shit isn't done. I feel like sobbing about it because most of it is out of my hands...it's frustrating me to the point of madness. If I didn't have drug issues I'd be getting myself some Xanax or Valium or any of that other shit housewives take to chill out. I always stress before a party, and this is the biggest and most important party of my life. I've been planning this thing for a year and it feels like nothing is done.

There's the unpleasant matter of the shower. For some reason I have to clean my house, bake, shop, make hors d'ouvres and deal with assorted madness and people all fucking weekend. I didn't even WANT a shower, and now the people who insisted on throwing one for me don't have the time or inclination to actually do anything for it. Ain't that a kick in the teeth? I'm sure it will be fine once people arrive and the games are underway, but right now I'm just a big bag of stress about it.

I really, really don't want to go to work today. But I can't call off since a) we're busy and b) I need the money. We have to pay for the cake soon, which is a dastardly $400. I still can't believe I'm paying that much for a damn cake. I was going to do the cakes myself until I saw some Bridezilla losing her damn mind trying to make enough cakes for a wedding. Everybody better tell me how much they love that cake or I'm going to be very sad.

Still haven't decided what I'm going to do about catering. My caterer, as I've mentioned, is an alcoholic who keeps relapsing (read: going on 3-day benders that require 3 more days of recovery and tapering off). If I fire her, she's going to be crushed. But dammit, it's my wedding and I shouldn't have to worry whether I'll have no food for my guests because some people can't control themselves. I know I'm the last person to talk about self control, but dammit, my issues don't spill out all over everyone I know or threaten to ruin anyone's wedding. I want to just call the Greek restaurant and have them cater. But that's my last resort plan if the caterer doesn't work out.

Haven't reserved any hotel rooms because I have no idea who is coming in from out of town, except H's family. RSVP's aren't due until the end of this month, so hopefully I'll know then. I suspect that most of my college buddies won't be coming, but I don't really know. Our budget is so tiny that I really need to know who all is coming, but I hear that most people don't bother to RSVP anyway. Do you assume that people who don't RSVP aren't coming? I imagine that's what I'll do. At least there'll be extra cake.

So maybe I am turning into a Bridezilla. I just want shit to go right, since it's costing us most of our savings just to put on this thing. I wish my MOH was closer, we'd be getting our drink on right about now.

Wow. I feel much better after getting all that out.
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I'm off to work in a few minutes, but thought I'd post a wedding etc update.

I wrote the ceremony yesterday, and H tried to pick out the recessional music but had a hard time caring about the difference between Ave Maria and Ode to Joy. I think we're going with Queen of Sheba for the processional and Ode to Joy for the end. And yes, that's the song from Die Hard. We're using it anyway.
The ceremony itself is pretty good, but I'm going to have trouble shaving it down to 20 minutes. Everyone will be standing, so I don't want it to be much longer than that.

Invites will go out this week, hopefully. I have the envelopes all addressed and I bought stamps, so aside from assembling the invites and stuffing them in envelopes, that's about it. My dress is being hemmed sometime in the next week or so. And I've begun distributing some of the gifts I bought for people so I have less to hand out later.

This weekend is my shower, and it looks like people are actually going to come, so that's cool.
I always worry about events like this; sitting alone with no guests is my worst nightmare.

We haven't decided yet about the receiving line. I could go either way. I'd kind of like to have one, just because I'm worried that H won't want to circulate much and I want everyone to meet him.

Here's that meme going around where you post things you really, REALLY love:

H
My friends
having a job
the cats (even though they are bad)
fiona apple
harold and maude
zombies and zombie movies
anthony perkins
thunderstorms
candles and incense
Thelema

Okay, that's enough.
Now let's hear yours!

dammit.

Aug. 30th, 2007 11:45 am
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I've been feeling pretty depressed lately over work and some other random things. I went in for EMDR yesterday to find that yet another member of Group has died...badly. The last time a girl died, she had gotten drunk and froze to death outside. This time the woman OD'd in her car, they think on purpose, and nobody found her for several days. You cannot conceive of how awful and depressing that is to me. Well, maybe you can. But it sucks.

I'm not at all excited for my shower, I just hope people show up so I'm not sitting here alone like a complete tool. I'm making a pineapple cake, and supposedly one of the girls from Group is doing the cooking. We shall see. We are doing the toilet paper wedding gowns, so that'll be fun. And there will be prizes.

JoJo got into the garbage that H left untied. So he ate some taco bell and part of a blood pressure pill yesterday. I have a feeling cleaning up cat puke is in my future. He can barely keep cat food down, let alone a meximelt. Stupid cat.

I'm on my way to work, where my secret work crush will be. I think I have sales training today or tomorrow, I forget which. And I also think I get Monday off for the "holiday". I'll likely use the occasion to grocery shop so I don't have to go on Sunday. I wish my review would hurry up and happen so I can find out how badly they think I'm doing. Not knowing is far worse than just dealing with something bad, I think.
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Since I'm back to work, I've been buying new threads. In fact, I'm replenishing my entire dress supply. I also ordered some henley's for winter, so that will be nice. It's pretty cool to be able to buy clothes again since I've gone for basically three years without new clothes.

Speaking of work, I'm off to there in a few minutes. Closing tonight and then working again tomorrow from 11-4. Then I get a day and a half for the "weekend". I shouldn't complain, because it's a pretty sweet gig. There was an employee bake-off this week. I didn't enter, but I ate some great desserts.

LJ keeps logging me out so I might have missed some locked posts. If you said anything important and locked it, do let me know.

Oh hey, for you local types, my bridal shower is September 9th, which is a Sunday.
I think it starts at 3pm, I'm not actually planning it.
We're doing the toilet paper wedding dress thing, so that'll be a riot.
What else should we do?

This wedding thing is coming up totally soon. I feel very unready, especially since a lot of details have not been done, and I'm still waiting for a bunch of stuff to arrive in the mail and from various people who are doing stuff for me. I'm pretty stressed out, actually. What are good ways to chill out and relax that don't involve pot? I wonder...I should probably meditate more.
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I've had a cocktail and the liquors...well, they drunkened me. But I'm going to answer these questions anyway:

Amy, AKA [livejournal.com profile] kissdbyagnome inquired:

whats been your fav. part of planing the wedding. And whats been your least fav.

Not as simple as they sound, these questions.

The most fun has DEFinately been doing all the shopping. I did most of the wedding shopping online, and even with shipping charges I saved a ton of money and/or bought some wonderful things. For example, I could have bought a unity candle for under $14, but it wouldn't have had herbs and beautiful pagan poetry on it. I could have bought a thousand dollar dress, but in addition to no dinner being served, I wouldn't have found the beautiful blue one I'm actually wearing. So yes, the shopping has been uber fun.


The least fun thing has been planning for a wedding that no one in my family will attend. I guess once I put it like that, it is a fairly simple answer, just a complex situation. Thing is, I feel very responsible for my family not being there, which is really quite silly to anyone who knows the totality of the situation.

Even Ann Landers says we, as people, need to be away from violence and unhealthy relationships. Somehow though, when these unhealthy behaviors are coming from family, they are easy to forgive, or at least tolerate. I know many people with worse family histories than I who still communicate with their parents or at least their siblings. Of course even if I was the forgiving types, my family would not attend my wedding because of H's ethnicity. So I guess in the end there's nothing I could do to make them come except change myself, my whole life, and find another man. I don't plan on doing any of that soon though...

More questions later...possibly tomorrow.
And keep 'em coming!!!
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I think I'm going to try to hire some ceremony musicians since I've been spectacularly unsuccessful at getting anyone to play for free. Luckily, my new job has me surrounded by musicians who are looking for gigs. Problem is, it's a bit more expensive than I thought. At the same time, I only get one wedding.

What do YOU think?

[Poll #1035829]

We saw the Simpsons movie. It was indeed, funny. Nothing really to report, just a funny, funny thing with about the same amount of political and social commentary as the show. There was a smidge of naughty language, one very sad moment, and a penis. Oh yeah, and Spider Pig/Harry Plopper.

I had therapy today, they are still on me about quitting smoking entirely. I'm not gonna do it. I don't think it's so bad to have a vice or two. I'll probably be done with this program soon after the wedding. I'll just have to get my meds from somewhere else.
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I got tired of growing my hair out "for the wedding" and decided to get about 3 inches lopped off the bottom. Rather a drastic change at this late date, but I'm just wearing a circlet so it will look fine regardless of my hair's length. It's not like a veil where hair becomes a huge issue. I think it looks good nice and short, and it's def more comfortable.

I had a day off today and didn't do much but sleep, go to Group, and get my hair cut. Now I'm watching Shark Week, which is my favorite week-long TV event of the year.

I have to start bringing my lunch to work. Problem is, I haven't done that ever in my adult life, and need ideas of what I should bring. Those of you who pack lunches, what do you pack? What if I only want to bring food that doesn't require refrigeration? We have a fridge, but I might not want to use it. What should I pack for lunch?

Did you hear they found a Coelecanth? Thanks to Kassy for the heads up on that. Woo Hoo, I'm seeing Kassy after work tomorrow, which will be swell.

We watched 300 last night. It was really good for a movie with such a thin plot. Lots of cool spectacle and some really fun villainy. It gets my reccomends, and we all know of my lingering distaste for action movies. Not as good as Gladiator, but different in enough ways to make it a really enjoyable watch. Those poor elephants!
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Work is still going well. They are giving me one more day of training before I get set loose on violin consumers everywhere. I almost sold a cello today, but the whipped SOB had to confer with the wife. I kid of course, I think every couple should discuss household purchases, especially those in excess of a thousand dollars. Sheesh!
Not so into the idea of the Fender Mandolin now that I know that my discount is only 10%. That's the lowest employee discount I think I've ever had. Even Blockbuster did better. But these customers are light years away from the fuckwads and asshats at Blockbuster. All day I only had one rude guy. Know what I did? I transferred him to someone else. Ha! That's nice.

H and I picked up our wedding rings yesterday from ze mall. We were going to go to the Apple store, but there were crowds of people there, still swarming the iPhones. I don't think I'd buy one even if I could afford it, I'd be too ascared of losing it. Anywhoo, our rings look great and (finally) fit perfectly. I was a little bit bummed H didn't want to get them engraved. He just doesn't go in for schmaltzy stuff like that. Mine is loaded with diamonds and sapphires, it's sparkly and nice.

I've tried a few times to write vows for the wedding. Funnily enough, I have no words. I think I'll probably say something like that, because it's true. Language is simply inadequate to harness the depth and breadth of my feelings for H. If only there were available words to express that. ;-]

I only put up one new chapter over the weekend. I may try to write another one this week so I can get caught up by next weekend. Since no publishers know I'm writing this book, I can pretty much finish it whenever I want to.

Okay, dinnertime. We're having jambalaya. Mmmmmm...jambalaya...

OMG, I just told H what his F11 key does on his computer. He'd never used it before. I was all Don't you hate that when you accidentally hit F11 when you're trying to delete something? and he was all What? and so I explained it to him. Now he thinks it's really cool.
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I just killed a large supporting character in my serial killer novel. I don't do a lot of that in my writing. Oddly enough, it doesn't really come up. I'd rather keep people alive so that more terrible things can happen to them than to have them die in some stupid way. It was kind of a drug related death, and I wonder if I'm not trying to once again work out my personal demons through my characters.

No matter what happens, I don't seem to be able to get away from writing about myself in one way or another. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, it feels like lazy writing because this book has been coming together so easily. OTOH, maybe writing about ourselves is how we find the truth inside the lie (I didn't say that, Stephen King did). Writing what you know is key, and I know myself better and better with each passing year.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
28,899 / 50,000
(57.8%)


In other news, I'm spending way too much money on wedding stuff. I bought $17 worth of makeups today, which doesn't sound like much until you realize it's from e.l.f. where everything is a dollar. Speaking of which, they make surprisingly awesome cosmetics considering what they charge. I wish they had nail polish too!

Crimson Tide was on TV tonight. That's one of those movies I love despite the fact that it's in a genre that I almost never watch. Certainly, that's one of the signs of a good film, when it transcends genre and is just plain old great. Of course, One Flew over the Cukoo's Nest was also on today, but being in a good mood, I didn't want to get near it with a ten foot pole.

Tried to see Harry Potter again this weekend, but plan after plan just seemed to fizzle and die on me. No matter, it's not like it's leaving theatres in a day or two, I have plenty of time. And I managed to get some good writing, editing, and TV watching in instead.
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Everything's coming up Wednes today, which is nice.

My handfasting besom arrived in the mail, along with a bunch of jewelery I ordered as gifts for people. I love getting packages, so fun!! BTW, thanks [livejournal.com profile] lirrin for the extra goodies. I had no idea there were so many other products associated with Peeps. I'm so excited to be giving out gifts that I'll probably start early.

TV played one of my fave Simpsons episodes, and one of the few I don't have recorded. It's the one where Marge is the Listen Lady and Homer finds his face on a box of Japanese soap.

H kicked my ass at Wii baseball today, and I beat him at bowling.
That was pretty fun. We're both pro bowlers now.

Now, I'm off to make us mostaccoli with ricotta. That'll be yummy.
Although my internet troll seems to think I'm too fat. As you might imagine, I'm all aflutter trying to get back in his good graces. Oh wait, no I'm not.

H thought I was making up the fact that there used to be a Rubik's Cube cartoon. It was terrible, it lasted only one season, but it really did exist. I know more about bad 80's cartoons that H. Woot Woot for me!!!

As for my honeymoon, which we are currently planning, it looks like we'll be spending 2-3 nights in Chicago. We'll get to see the zoo, the aquarium--which will have komodo dragons--and who knows what else? It's gonna be swell. H's fave place is Dave and Buster's, which I've never been to. I hear they have skee ball. I like skee ball.

Sweet!
Your Power Bird is a Vulture

You are always changing your life and the lives of those around you.
You aren't afraid to move on from what holds you back.
Energetic and powerful, you have a nearly unlimited capacity for success.
You know how to "go with the flow" and take advantage of what is given to you.
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Think women have come a long way in society? You won't when you read the sexist, sizist, materialistic to an outrageous extreme rantings over at True Bride Confessions. I've been trying to think of something to post there, but I don't have any of the bullshit worries that these women have. My FH isn't cheating, he treats me right, my IL's are awesome, and I don't care how fat myself or my bridesmaids are--I only have a MOH and she's cute as a bug. They post about cheating and wanting to cheat, secretly hating their husbands and all kinds of stuff. It's insane. Maybe I'll make up something funny to post.

While planning for the wedding, it becomes increasingly obvious how grateful I am that [livejournal.com profile] uterdic has agreed to participate. In case you didn't know, he's walking me down the aisle and basically standing in for my family, who will not be in attendance. The more I think of it, he is really the representation of the very idea of having friends instead of family. When I think of being walked down the aisle by a good friend whom I trust implicitly, I'm not sad for the lack of family, I'm glad for the love of good friends. How's THAT for sappy? It's taken me a long time to get to this place where I'm...I won't say I'm not pissed at my family, but I'm considerably less pissed simply because I'm learning how not to let it affect me so much.

After Group, I came home and outlined 40 chapters of my serial killer. If all goes according to plan, this novel will indeed come out to 80K words. That will make it my longest novel yet. I also think it will be my best one to date. There's a new chapter posted (locked) over at [livejournal.com profile] wednes_writes, which you should totally join if you haven't yet.

The new line of wedding dresses over at Zaftique has got me wishing I'd bought a white dress. People are going to think it's my second wedding because I'm not wearing anything remotely white. Then again, what care I for the thoughts of others? Yeah...They are awfully nice looking dresses though. If I had a job, I could just buy one.
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So far the good word on the serial killer is well...good. I decided I'm going to do the JulNoWriMo this year, which is NaNo in July basically. Is anybody else around here doing it? I'll need a buddy for motivation, I'm sure. Anyway, if I finish it, my beloved serial killer will be at a highly respectable 82,000 words. I'm just not sure I have that much story. I thought of an amazing plot device though, I can't wait to bust it out.

This week we're picking up our wedding rings. With only 4 months to go, I'm starting to freak out about planning and vows and all the stuff I haven't remotely started working on yet. I want to think I'm way far ahead, but I still don't even know where we're getting our plates and sodas and stuff from. There are tons of little details that are destined to drive me crazy. Still though, wedding planning is pretty fun. Oh, plus I have to find Thank You cards to match our theme.

Dang, the cat just puked on the floor.
I gotta go...
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I spent the better part of last night playing Wii and then rereading the first 27 chapters of my serial killer novel, just to get a handle on where I am with it. Turns out, it's pretty fucking good. Later on tonight I hope to add another chapter. I just have to figure out where it's all going.
As for the Wii, my Wii age is currently 49; I think I can do a bit better than that. My tennis timing is very off. But my bowling skillz rock the house.

EDIT: it is down to 38. Woot!

Saw a pic of my handfasting besom today. In case you don't know, it's the broom we're going to jump over at the end of the ceremony. Someone at etsy put it together for me:


Nice, eh?

Some of those people at The Knot are crazy. Tonight I got badmouthed because I'm not having my hair and nails done by a professional. Apparently I'm going to look "slovenly." Then they laughed at my plan to just use curling shampoo the day before and hope for the best. I don't see any reason to not look like myself. I'm pretty cute in my natural state, after all...

I'm almost done with the wedding shopping. I just have a few more gifts to buy for people who are helping out. I love having an excuse and a budget to buy people gifts. And they are getting some fly stuff! Lots of jewelery and pretty things.

Finally went back for EMDR this last week. I'm feeling quite a bit better than I have been, except now I have a toothache. I think I've just been grinding my teeth again, I hope I don't have to go to the dentist because I can't freakin' afford it. In non-toothy news, I'm having EMDR again in two weeks, hopefully it will continue to be helpful. It better be, it's really hard work.
wednes: (Default)
Just got home from therapy. Usually I go every other week, but last week was such a mindfucker that I came back in just one week.

She (my therapist, Julie) doesn't think it's the meds making me so depressed. She thinks it's grief. I'm grieving the loss of my family still, and it's especially poignant now because of the wedding coming up. Of course it is sucky that my family doesn't want to know me, let alone come to my wedding. I'm a good kid, I don't deserve this.

Bi-polar disorder runs in my family as far back as anyone can remember. But no one calls it that. In my family, if you aren't hearing voices, then you are "just fine." Why would someone who's "just fine" need therapy? To get attention of course. The family line is that I only think there's something wrong with me (read: it's all in my head) and I make a big deal out of it to get attention. Couple this with a slew of family members who desperately need therapy and medication and you've got a recipe for utter disaster. In my family, the black sheep are the people who actually got help for themselves instead of wallowing in the family craziness. Me, my uncle Vic, my great uncle Joe, my cousin Victoria, and my Aunt Millie would all appear as scorch marks on the family tree.

I'm not a fan of grief, I imagine no one is. For now though, I'm stuck with it until I can figure out a way to reconcile my abysmal family situation. I have to keep reminding myself that no one in my family is going to suddenly apologize or admit their part in anything (although it's been suggested that I apologize and then would be forgiven--but I'm not about to apologize for my unwillingness to accept abuse. I just won't do it. They are all still pretending that there was no abuse, which makes me more angry than any other part of this) And of course, even if we were all speaking, they would not come to my wedding because they are racist bastards.

It also seems like my customary defenses are abandoning me. I'm not very chatty lately, I have no sarcasm in me, and I don't feel like discussing any current events. People keep asking me if I'm mad at them because I haven't had much to say. Be assured that I'm not mad at anyone I'm not related to, I'm just feeling like...like I'm on my way to a funeral without even the buffet to look forward to, if that makes any sense.
wednes: (Default)
I don't have much to say, but I did get my engagement pics back.
We wanted pics where we looked like ourselves doing things we would normally do.
These are a few of my faves:



the ring, and us
the ring, and us
This is one of my favorite shots, I really wanted this one. We'll do another like it with the wedding rings.



A few more under here! )
wednes: (Default)
The lovely [livejournal.com profile] smarbaby brought over some mock ups for my wedding invites today. They are awesome. I did not imagine I would have such classy, attractive invites.

The Joker from the new Batman movie looks fantastic and creepy as shit.

My dear [livejournal.com profile] lickingtoad loaned a copy of 300 today so I'll finally get to see it.

The (spoilery review of the) Season Finale of LOST ) Oh yeah, and I heart Michael Emerson.

Happily, I don't have anything important to do all weekend except work on The Cat's Apprentice which I am finally starting to get a handle on.

Since H bought me some, I scrubbed my class ring with jewelery cleaner. It looks amazing.

[livejournal.com profile] paulcurtis sent me a bunch of cool tunes by Barnes and Barnes, which if you don't know is a band featuring Bill Mumy from the old Twilight Zone shows and Lost in Space and stuff. They are best known for the Dr Demento hit song "Fish Heads" which is hilarious. I had no idea that they had other stuff, but now I own a goodly amount of it. Thanks, Paul.

There is a town called "Truth or Consequences" and it's in New Mexico.
I just think that's awesome.

Hostel 2 comes out soon.

For some reason, I find myself fascinated by the idea that the Caveman from the Geico commercial are getting their own show. I want it to be really, really funny though I know it won't be.
wednes: (Default)
H surprised me with a trip to the mall today. We picked out our wedding rings and put the deposit down on them. I got the one I wanted, all sparkly and diamondy with some blue sapphires. I won't post a pic because I posted one when I first picked it out. Check out my handfasting tag if you missed it and really want to see it now.
H got a titanium ring which looks good and was very reasonably priced. We also looked at Bulova watches for him, but he thinks they are a needless expense. I thought he might like a big-boy watch since he's a grown man and all. But H thinks spending more than say $100 on a watch is just silly. I admit, he has a point. Then H took me to Godiva for a few truffles, which are my favorite.

The engagement pics yesterday went well. We took a bunch of outside shots, and some of us in the apartment clowning around. It was pretty fun and only took about an hour. Next week or so, I'll have pics to post so's you can all see them.


In more infuriating news, here's a charming story about a teenage girl who was sexually assaulted in a park by three teenage boys. But wait, the girl is fat. So according to the barrister, she was not raped. She was "glad of the attention". I realize that women are often painted as "asking for it" based on many irrelevant factors, but this just kills me. I don't even know what else to say about it; it's so enraging to think anyone would make such an ugly assertion, especially to a victim of such an awful crime.
wednes: (Default)
The good?

We're finally getting our engagement pics taken today, just 8 months after we actually got engaged.

The bad?

I have mosquito bites on me. They itch and are very annoying.

Also:
9 year old boy find 135 million year old shark tooth )
wednes: (Default)
This is yet another wedding post more for my own records than anything. So feel free to disregard if you find this sort of thing boring.

A zillion wedding related things came in the mail today. My sixpence coin is here, as promised, in a collectible thingy for my wedding album. Our Official Mad Lib pens arrived with our names and date and stuff on them. They turned out really nice and cute and have no typos. Navy blue pens with silver writing on them...I just kind of wish I hadn't gone with Comic Book Sans. I grow weary of that font. Anyway, I got 100 of them for about $60 shipped, which I thought was pretty good. They'll look really cool with the little Mad Lib books we'll be making for favors.

My big gifts for the caterer arrived. She is getting a set of five candle holders that look like chinese takeout boxes. They are so damn cute! The box they came in was enormous.

Our unity candle is also here, it's a pagan one which I got from Magickal Omaha, which is my new favorite place to get witchy things.

Probably most fun of all is the big box of gifts for the fellas, ushers and stuff. I dont' want to give away the surprise but They Are SPEED BEETLE Yo-Yo's which frankly is one of my all time favorite Duncan model Yo-Yo's. H loves them too, so we thought that would be a good gift. Plus how fun is it to get a big box of Yo-Yo's in the mail?

Shopping has been tons of fun so far. I'm almost finished buying all the fun stuff though. Now all I have to do is find a new cake baker (I decided my old one was too expensive--$400 is just too much) and get with the caterers on the menu. Plus we didn't get to have our engagement pics taken because of the crappy weather and etc. Who knows when we'll be able to reschedule that, soon though. My plan to throw my happiness in people's faces must continue unabated. ;-]

My friend from Group isn't here to pick me up. I guess I'm not going.
Too bad too, because I also needed to go to the pharmacy.
wednes: (Default)


I am a
Nigella


What Flower
Are You?




I went crazy online shopping for the wedding. I bought a few more cameras so we are sure to have enough, I ordered a collectible silver sixpence (which I need, because of the poem) that I can loan to [livejournal.com profile] klynnfrost if she'd like. I ordered a gift for one of my caterers and the gifts for all the men (who are all getting the same slick gift). I'm also looking at a few different kinds of lingerie for the "wedding night" as they call it. I'm not much into lingerie, but I do love shopping. I still have to buy the besom (if the color swatches ever get here), the toasting goblets, and all the food and drink and accoutrements therein. I can't believe we're still within the budget, our budget is so damn small.

Today we're getting our engagement pics taken if it can stop raining long enough for us to get outside. I imagine we'll do some B&W and some color, which probably means I'll have to change clothes halfway through. I'm having engagement announcements put in the A2 news, and in the city where my mom and her husband are so they can know I'm getting married. I'm still working on whether I'm sharing my happiness with them, or rubbing my happiness in their faces. Probably a little of both, which I think is okay.

Happy Beltane for all those who celebrate. Even if you don't recognize the cross quarter holidays, it's good to know that today is the mid point between the Vernal Equinox and the Summer Solstice. Get your gardens planted if you haven't already. Myself, I'm sharing space in a friend's garden so I get all the veggies and herbs with very little work--not that I mind gardening work.

Can I ask all you married types what you did for a wedding album? Did you do it yourself? Did your photographer do it? Is it a scrapbook or a photo album? Has anyone gotten the kind that you order already printed up? Do tell, for I need input. I'm leaning toward doing it myself.
wednes: (Default)
Can anyone explain to me why sixpence coins are so damn expensive.
Aren't they only worth like, six pence?

I do realize that collectible coins can be worth a lot, but I don't see how it is that I can't find a single one to buy for less than $80. That seems like an enormous scam to me.








I was too sick to go ring shopping.
I am also too sick to smoke the reefer.
Dang, I'm sick.
wednes: (Default)
I'm sick. My tempt is 100.3, which isn't that high except that I'm usually about 96.5 degrees.
I feel okay when sitting up, but I have no appetite and when I lay down I cough uncontrollably.
Sucks. I bought some no brand cough drops and they taste rank. Supposed to be cherry, *shudder*.



In other news, my "Love Your Body" pins came in the mail today. All the women helping out with my wedding will get one. My cloak also arrived but I'm not entirely sure how to wear it. The hood is way too big. Plus, do the seems go at the shoulder? It fits more like a cape than a cloak when I do that. Anyway, it's pretty: silver on one side and navy blue the other. Nice.


Tomorrow is ring day. We're going to pick out the rings and pay for them. It looks like I'm going to get the one I wanted, the antique looking ring with the sapphires. Yay!



What American accent do you have?
Created by Xavier on Memegen.net

Midland. The Midland (please don't confuse with "Midwest") itself is the neutral zone between the North and South. But just because you have a Midland accent doesn't mean you're from there. Since it is considered a neutral, default, "non-regional" accent you could easily be from someplace without its own accent, like Florida, or a big city in the South like Dallas, Houston, or Atlanta.

Take this quiz now - it's easy!
We're going to start with "cot" and "caught." When you say those words do they sound the same or different?



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