wednes: (Hail Ants!)
Taking a break from my usual complainy-pants ways to post about things that are going on in the world that I actually like. Here goes:

Patton Oswalt is engaged. This makes me very happy.

HBO leads the Emmy nominations, and Netflix is next.
This bodes well for people who enjoy quality television, if any.

Free drones. H and I (well, they're mine, but H is better at flying them) have gotten a total of four free drones for review. The most recent one is hella tiny. Like, hilariously so.
View post on imgur.com


Jim Jeffries show is pretty good. He looks good in a suit too. If I was merely moderately good looking and had a TV show, I'm not sure I'd bring in Brad Pitt. Or are they having an affair now too?

Still looking at dogs. Want to find a low-energy guard dog that isn't drooly and won't have a bunch of expensive health problems. Sorry, Bull Mastiff.

I think my sister-in-law might be my favorite person in the world. I totally hope she comes to live with us.

Still writing over to the Radish. This serial story seems to be going well, though this is not at all what I'm used to. Few things make me feel more like a horror writer than actually writing horror. I guess that's how it's supposed to be, right?

TV I'm going to try to get caught up on soon:
Glow
Fargo
Fear the Walking Dead

Low

Jan. 19th, 2017 09:42 pm
wednes: (Wednes Poison)
Whelp, it was fun having a president who didn't make me ashamed to be an American. I mean, look at what we've had to deal with just in my lifetime.

Jimmy Carter was awesome, but treated badly due to his "soft" nature. See, when I was a kid, it was Democrats who said we should be a "Christian nation," by which they meant feeding the poor and housing the homeless. Like many things between Republicans and Democrats, this has completely flipped. Now the GOP co-opts religion for their own purposes, but apparently THEIR Jesus has no interest in feeding people or helping them have homes. Now religion means anti-gay legislation and the closing of family planning clinics. Because...god is love?

Then Reagan. Now, I think he was a pretty terrible president, policy-wise. He funded terrorists and talked a lot of smack about the poor and gays. His wife was even worse. But at least Reagan made rich people pay their taxes. Can't get that nowadays. As much as I disliked Reagan, I wasn't humiliated at the idea that he represented my country.

Bush Sr should never have been POTUS in the first place, mainly because he ran the CIA. That's not cool. If you ever work in a big box retailer, they have a particular way the money is sorted at the end of the day. One guy calculates how much money their should be, while someone else counts how much money there is. This is to prevent theft and chicanery. Apparently, the United fucking States of America needed no such safeguards.

Clinton. Awesome guy, down to earth. Solid policies, great economic growth. All he had to do was say "Actually, what I do with my penis is not relevant to how I run the country. Next questions?" But no...he had to do a stupid lying tapdance that eventually made him a laughing stock. That sucked.

Bush 2. Do I even need to explain this one? He and Rick Perry should do a road movie where they blunder their way across the country, occasionally getting schooled by the people they've sought to oppress.

Obama. *sky opens and rainbows so bright they keep us from seeing all the drone strikes, still open Guantanamo, and lack of single payer healthcare* Yaaaay!!! So eloquent, so unwilling to cheat on his wife, so personable...

And now...this.
I still don't get it. I don't care how poor you are, how angry you feel about political-correctness (AKA basic human decency), or how really racist you are. You'd have to be monstrously stupid to think a man like Drumpf is actually interested in helping the poor and middle class. There is no metric by which Betsy DeVos, Rick Perry, Jeff Sessions, or Ben Carson are good choices for goddamn anything. You might as well put Charles Manson in charge of youth outreach, and maybe Yosemite Sam as a liaison to the NRA.

In other news, now might be a good time to buy a set of encyclopedias. People laugh at having a set of books collecting known knowledge of the world. But see, a set of encyclopedias is a snapshot of the world as we know it. It's supposed to lack bias. But if you've ever read an encyclopedia from say, the 60s, some of the biases are much more evident now. The America we enjoy now and the one we'll be left with in 20/20 may be markedly different. Might be nice to have a hard copy to compare and contrast.
wednes: (Santa?)
So, we had Xmas. It was also H's birthday on the 20th. This means that at the Webster-Friday abode, there was much materialism, indulgence, and slothery. Why slothery? Because I made a commitment to watch #Arrow in its entirety, and I'm now about half-way through season three. Lots of shenanigans to be called on that show--but it's still a fun watch. Apparently it takes a mere 5 years and a death in your family to become a world-class assassin. Unless you're a girl, or a poor kid, then it takes even less time than that. Some things never change though, by which I mean John Barrowman is hot as fuck, and Ra's Al Ghul can kiss my ass (not literally of course).

Anyway...
For H's birthday, I got him a super cool book about the Whovian universe.
Plus a T-shirt with the Planet Express logo on it.
Plus some high end super spicy corn chips from Paqui. I wanted to get him the One Chip Challenge, but they were out of them for the season.
I made H's favorite cake, which is Frangipan (a buttery white cake made with marzipan). He loves it, but it's expensive and massively unhealthy so he only gets it once a year.

For Christmas, we made our usual holiday lip balms.
Coconut lime, because that's everyone's fave--including mine.
Cherry cordial (which is chocolate, cherry, hazelnut, and almond flavors)
Cinnamon Bun (cinnamon and vanilla). This was a new flavor and I didn't love it. But always nice to have something different. Think I might bring back the chocolate orange next year. That was good stuff.

H and I didn't give many gifts outside the family. We got H's sister a set of knee braces that she wanted, because she's been working super hard to be healthy. She has more discipline than anyone I know, seriously. My brother is getting a batch of Aztec brownies, because he loves them.

H's stocking was filled with a 2-pack of Reece's cups that weighs a pound. Yes, that means he got TWO half-pound Reece cups, which is the very definition of holiday indulgence. He also got a small jar of Jif cookies and creme with hazelnut spread. It's like a swirl of cookies n creme filling with nutella. He loves it, but it's not to my taste. He got an assortment of hot sauces and a huge vinyl decal that is the Crack in the Wall from Doctor Who, plus some jalapeno cashews.

Gift wise, he got a Blu-Ray of #Interstellar, which he loves and I have not seen. Plus a TARDIS pillow since he loves to lie on the couch with pillows. And finally, I got him an Attack on Titan hoodie, that even comes with a cape. He loves it. So that was great. I was pretty stoked to be able to afford it, since when I first saw it it was $75.

H got me a fancy assortment of foodie food. This included 2 types of Zingerman's bacon (1/4 pound each), some nice bread, fresh mozzarella, a tiny box of palmier cookies, and a fancy lemonade. H's mom got me the study bible I've been wanting, and H's sister got me a White Walker fig from Pop Funko. Speaking of Funkos, H got me a Weeping Angel, which is awesome.

H got me the Master's pocket watch from Doctor Who--which is pretty cool and which I have also wanted for a long time. Plus a DVD of Pink Floyd The Wall, which I hope to hang onto by not letting anyone borrow it.

We got a sweet box of cookies from Bre and the kids, and some assorted sweets and cards from family. The Overstreets gave us the Pop-Up Game of Thrones map, which is badass, the 3rd Walking Dead Compendium, and the Hannibal Lector cookbook. The Lector cookbook is pretty amazing, as it's written by the food stylist for the Hannibal show and has tons of cool pics and trivia. Not sure I'll be making those recipes since they require crazy ingredients like calves head, lungs, or of course, Gillian Anderson's left leg. Bahahahahhaa. So yeah, we got gifted up good.

Holidays

Nov. 29th, 2016 05:15 pm
wednes: (Santa?)
H and I were gone all last week, housesitting for some good friends. It's pretty cool, because all the stuff they have is nicer than the stuff we have. Their living room TV is big as a bathtub and has a better sound system than the local indie theatre. The recliner goes up and down by itself, and the fridge makes ice and the most delicious water I've ever had outside an Evian bottle. Plus, dogs. I love dogs, but can't have one in the shitty matchbox I live in.

Of course, I didn't post online that both H and I were out of town, or that our apartment was sitting empty (well, with cats, but they aren't good at guarding things). But everyone seemed to want to put it on my page. "Hey, aren't you guys out of town?" "Are you and H having fun being away?" "Who is watching your cats while you and H are gone?" It's as if people don't know that we live in a shitty neighborhood with shitty security and neighbors who would barely take notice if a stranger stole our shit in the middle of the night. Happily, though, nothing bad happened. Some errant JoJo puke and the eating of birthday flowers. That's all. H and I had a swell time eating unhealthy food (mostly) and watching HULU, which I've learned has even shittier horror movies than Netflix. I was actually tired of bacon by the end of the week.

I got some birthday presents:
A collection of Amazon gift cards allowed me to buy myself this.
I also got a fancy electric herb grinder...for grinding herbs.
H got me a Duck Dodgers Pop Funko, and a kickass book of Grimm fairy tales I've been wanting. Plus he made me another wonderful card like he does every year.
I got a cool witches oven with a cauldron and such. It's kind of amazing.
Plus: chocolates, cookies, flowers, some great cards, a hat, and I'm told--a big scary head to put on display. So yeah, I gots the hookup for sure.

As much as it's fun to hang out in a different place, it's also good to be home.
My own bed, bathroom, cats, and kitchen are always more comfortable--even if we live in a total shitbox. Why? Because it's OUR shitbox.

In other news, we had a death in the family. Uncle Tom (not technically MY Uncle, but the Uncle of my cousins on my godmother's side) was a cool guy. We thought he was a ton of fun, until someone explained to us that he had a drinking problem because of the war--and that the stuff he did wasn't funny. I disagreed then, and still kinda do. No, alcoholism isn't funny. But Uncles at family BBQ's are. He was a nice guy, jovial and bitter in a way that incorporated a lot of humor. He also had a glass eye that he once removed and rolled down a picnic table. How can that possibly be described as anything but hilarious? I don't know. Godspeed, Uncle Tom. The world is less funny, and a little less kind without you in it.

I sort of forgot that I was doing the NaNoWriMo this year. My head exploded after the election and never quite got put back together. Ah well. As [personal profile] flemco loves to point out, I can write whenever the hell I want.

H's work schedule is terrible right now. They switched him to 5 days a week (used to be 4 10-hour days, now it's 5 8-hour days) which means more travel time and expense and less time for us to watch TV and do stuff together. Do we really think people will avoid posting spoilers for Gotham, Supergirl, Agents of SHIELD, or Z-Nation? I don't. But one of his coworkers accidentally killed someone (driving like a maniac, I'm told) and now has to go to prison. The world is a crazy place, kids.
wednes: (Really?)
Like many of you, I have a family. And within that family, there are a wide range of people, some of whom believe things I think are patently batshit. My favorite Aunt once told me she'd never vote Bernie because "he's a socialist." I have a cousin who swears the min wage shouldn't be raised because it mostly applies to kids working part time, and that Citizens United is a "free speech" issue. I enjoy spirited debates when I encounter beliefs like that, but I find not everyone is willing to discuss what they believe.

So today, my youngest cousin posts a hate video....Cut for what prompted this post )

This led me to think that one reason it's so difficult to talk about racism is this idea white people have--that the only way to be "racist" is to be in a skinhead group, the KKK, or to liberally use the N-word. Kids, that's not so. Even if you've never uttered a racial slur, you can still be less than inclusive. Tim Burton probably does not hate minorities. There's no evidence to say he does. But that doesn't mean it isn't an issue that his movies have very few POC. Thinking "white" people/culture/hairstyles are "normal" and everything else is "other/different/weird/ethnic" is a problem in terms of race relations. So is presuming that every character in every book is white unless the author specifically says they aren't. So if someone tells you that you aren't being inclusive, or racially sensitive, or are being kind of a dick, they aren't necessarily saying you're Mel Gibson or Hitler. That doesn't mean you shouldn't hear them out. Though yes, you have free speech and can absolutely choose to tell them to fuck off.

To that end, I say: Ron Weasley.
JK Rowling made Ron Weasley racist on purpose, and for this very reason. He's not a Death Eater, he's one of the heroes. He's not a supremacist, but he's got issues with squibs (they have one in the family, but he's never talked to them), werewolves, giants, Durmstrangs (or maybe just the one who's sweet on his gal), and Slytherins among others. He's also fine with house elves in servitude and considers Dobby an odd man out (in fairness, so does Hagrid).
Ron isn't a bad kid. He's not malicious, though I do find him petty and tantrummy at times. I don't think he's hateful either. He just believes certain things because they make sense to him, and has never bothered to question it. You know, like how a lot of the people who go around talking smack about Muslims have never knowingly had a conversation with one--or if they have, they come away saying they're "ONE of the Good Ones." It's why the Washington Redskins logo doesn't offend people who have never been called a "redskin" out of hate. Why WOULD they understand it?

But after someone explains it fully, to respond by saying they're lying or being "overly sensitive" is...pretty racist.

When I hear someone say something overtly bigoted, the first thing I try to do is ask questions to make sure I got that right. "Are you being sarcastic? Are you saying he deserved to be shot because he took his earpiece out? Are you saying all Muslims want to kill us for our freedoms?" The answer to that question usually determines whether a discussion ensues, or a screaming match, or I just disable notifications for that post. Calling someone a "racist" is a bad idea most times, since no one, even members of the KKKlan, actually admits that they're racist. Besides, "racist" is a label we slap on a person to let them know we don't like their opinion. It doesn't help anything. Nothing is solved by calling someone a racist. But opening a dialogue? That might help.
It's hard to hear that you're not being racially or culturally sensitive. I hate hearing it, and my first impulse is to explain why I'm not. But dammit, if you've got any kind of privilege, you also have an obligation to acknowledge it, and to think about how life might be (or listen to people when they explain it to you) for those who don't have it.

People tell me it's "not worth it" to "argue" with people on the internet. I maintain that discussions can make all the difference in the world if both parties have some modicum of respect for whoever they're talking to. If I'm wrong, I wanna know why. I want facts or a fresh perspective that tell me why my thinking is wrong, and what I should have noticed that I didn't. I deserve the chance to say, Holy Shit, Long Duk Dong is TOTALLY racist, and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner.
So yeah, if you begin by calling someone a racist because they posted a meme they didn't even read carefully, the ensuing discussion probably won't go well. But if you open up an actual dialogue you might actually get somewhere. Not always. Some people love being angry and hateful, it's like a fuzzy warm blanket to them. But usually, people just don't want to be afraid. If they learn why they don't have to, that might also help.

Ultimately, my cousin took down the fake video because she "didn't want to argue." I think that's a shame, because the ensuing discussion was a good read.
wednes: (Carrie & Mom)
September 6th is my mom's birthday.

It occurred to be recently that I tend to refer to mater in the past tense, even though she's not dead. I wouldn't even say she's "dead to me," because I don't pretend she's dead. I just talk to her slightly less often than I talk to (or toward, more like) people who actually are dead. There are plenty of dead people I think of as better, smarter, cooler, kinder, and less violent and psychotic as mater. For the record, I last spoke with mater in September of 1995. So I guess that's a sort of anniversary as well.

Funnily, I've also been thinking about gaslighting lately (Even saw the film from which we get the term. Jessica Lansbury is 19 years old in it!!). More than the violence, constant emotional and mental abuse, being ordered around like a servant, rarely being allowed out, the gaslighting did a shitload of damage to me. It's another one of those things I didn't realize was SO pervasive until much later. It's also another one of those things that I reacted hugely and horribly to when it happened (often to a very small degree) with other people later on.
If someone tells a story wrong, I'd be outraged even if it was a stupid thing that didn't matter. "His shirt was BLUE, not green! Tell it RIGHT!" Because I grew up knowing that when someone didn't tell the truth about something, they were doing it to make me look bad. That's not actually paranoia when you grow up with one of those "You see what I've got to put up with!" parents always harping on how tough they have it while they're using their kid as a punching bag.

Everything my mom ever said about me was exaggerated to make me look bad, stupid, selfish, greedy, vain, or otherwise terrible. Didn't matter if she was talking to a teacher, a neighbor, her husband, or our extended family. If they were impressed with a drawing, she'd tell them I traced it. If someone praised my good grades, she'd lie and say she called the school and "made" them change my grades. If I lost something, she said I sold it or gave it away, or "let" someone take it. Always. Constantly. And the bitch of it is, there are still people in my family who believe that shit. I'm told my mom's husband actually thinks I invited a band of drug fiends into their house to steal sports memorabilia. Nevermind that I don't think I have a single friend who would knowingly walk into a house with a basement full of swastikkas. But I digress.

It was my mom's birthday. I didn't sit around crying, drinking, watching movies we watched together when I was a kid. I wasn't angry or short with H, or walking around finishing arguments from 30 years ago while the cats just stared at me, confounded. I had a regular day, doing all the stuff I normally do.

So I feel pretty good about that.
Guess we'll see how I do next Mother's Day.
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
Growing up with the name Wednesday sort of set me apart from other people. It made me seem weird, conspicuous, and different at a time when I wanted nothing more than to be invisible--one of the crowd. I switched schools a lot when I was younger. Once, in second grade, I asked to be called "Wendy" instead. For those of you who know me now, the idea that I'm a "Wendy" and not "Wednesday" is pretty fucking inconceivable. After a while, I got used to having a weird name, though it was not until my 20's that I began to turn into the skid of weirdness.

I grew up with two brothers who have a different bio-dad than me. My bio-dad has 3 other kids, all of whom appear to be religious whackadoo bigots who I don't bother to associate with. Of the brothers I grew up with, one is awesome and the other is kind of a violent asshat that I don't talk to anymore. When we were kids, we three had the same last name, the first two letters of which are GU.

With that in mind, the older of my two brothers got the nickname "Gumby," because it sounded vaguely like our last name. The younger brother eventually was nicknamed "Pokey," because that was Gumby's little horse friend. Cute, right?

But see, people who didn't know us actually presumed that my parents named their kids Wednesday, Gumby, and Pokey. This made our fam look even weirder than we already were. That's hilarious now. At the time though, yikes...
wednes: (Cat/Bird)
Like most of us, I don't normally answer my phone when I don't recognize the number. But when it rang around 6:45 this evening, I figured it was either a telemarketer I could mess with, or an amusing wrong number. In fact, it was H's Aunt Sherry, who I don't think I'd ever talked to before.

H's grandmother, a lovely woman named Virginia (also a family name in my own family of origin) had died on Valentine's Day. We hadn't heard from her in a few months, and H was afraid to phone because he kind of expected that this was the reason. Yes, I could have phoned as well. I didn't.

I've blogged about H's grandmother before because she was such an awesome lady. Her husband had a stroke a year or so before he died, and she cared for him full time. They'd been together for over 60 years, which boggles the mind. When he died, she never really got over the sadness of it. Her heart had broken. I imagine that's exactly how I'll feel if I'm unfortunate enough to outlive H. It def speaks to my own selfishness how much I DON'T want to outlive my husband.

I didn't realize, until Aunt Sherry told me, that H and I really were in her thoughts often. She showed off all the gifts and cards we sent her over the years, and displayed our photo prominently in her home. When she went into the hospital and then to hospice, she took our photo with her (and the other grandkids) so she could look at us whenever she wanted. Even when she couldn't keep food down, she asked the nurses to apply the lip balms we sent her for Christmas. She had told me once how amazing it was that I knew how to make them. They're embarrassingly easy. I didn't realize this, but a lot of H's family think I'm a great wife and a wonderful influence on him--and that it's great of me to keep in touch with the family on his behalf.

As many of you know, H's mom and I don't see squarely on many issues. So it's nice to know that there are people in his family that are in favor of our relationship. I mean seriously, we've been together over 15 years. Get over it! H's mom is more bossy than warm, and has been married three times that I know of. I often wondered how H managed to be so kind and loving, fair and patient growing up with his mom. Upon reflection, it was clearly Virginia and her husband Fred who modeled for H what a loving and successful marriage look like. I suppose that means that I owe her a great debt.

It's my job to help come up with something for the inscription at the memorial where the ashes of Fred and Virginia will be interred together. I've got a 26 character limit including spaces. We'll see.

Aunt Sherry told me the greatest thing though. Apparently Virginia wanted to be at home among family at the end. But what she actually said was "I don't wanna go out like a punk," which meant she'd go out on her own terms. And she did.
That is just fucking beautiful.

Loot

Dec. 25th, 2015 12:25 pm
wednes: (Santa?)
I gave H a Kindle Fire for Christmas. Its low price allowed this to be the first time in 15 years together that I've bought H any electronics. However, I didn't keep the secret very well. Five minutes after he opened it he went into his office and returned with a case.
Me: "Oh, it came with a case? That's awesome, I didn't realize..."
Him: "No, it didn't."
Me: "But that's a case right there."
Him: "I know. I wanted to make sure it was protected."
Me: ...

I also gave H a ton of candy from the vintage candy store. Funny, because the candy is new and old all at once. Most of it is either sour or hot. He also got an Agents of SHIELD pin, which is awesome, and a Matchbox batmobile, because I was in a mood to buy people batmobiles this year. No reason.
JoJo got a new cat bed that's shaped like a shark, and a heating pad for the inside. Pentelope is too cranky to celebrate Xmas, but she did get some tuna treats that look like tiny steaks.

What did *I* get?
Well, first H and I both got a new vacuum. It's a Dirt Devil that promises to stand up to the hair-nanza that is our cats.
H's mom got us a humidifier, which I'm pretty sure is a passive-aggressive gift. After not acknowledging my birthday last month, she got us something she knew I would hate. I told her at our wedding (before she walked out in a huff before the ceremony) how much I hate humidity. Ah well...

H got me some movies:
Deep Red (Profundo Rosso)--a fave of mine that I lost years ago in a tragic loaning mishap.
Jane Eyre (the one with Mia W. And Michael Fassbender). My 3rd version of Jane Eyre on DVD. Sweet!
The Strangler (starring the great Victor Buono)

He also got me some fancy food:
Salt and Vinegar kettle chips
old fashioned shortbreads from Zingerman's
Zingerman's "magic" brownie (but not 420-magic)
marcona almonds (hilarious, because of the Specific Store on Family Guy)
And a deck of Harry Potter playing cards (or minor arcana tarot, if you prefer).

I'm told that one of my gifts will be late. Not sure what's up with that.
We also got an impressive haul of cards, but no cookies.
That's right, not a single person sent us homemade holiday cookies, and I didn't bake any. Oops. And here my doctor has been begging me to work more cookies into my diet. Not.

Okay, time to make pancakes and sausages.
wednes: (FG/Psycho)
I was fully prepared to write about Kim Davis here today. But my Kim Davis stance turned out to be interesting enough that I'm selling it to one of the sites I write for. That means you'll see it soon enough, just not here.

Besides, I realized that this second week of September marks the 20 year anniversary of the last time I spoke to my mother--outside of the screamed conversations that happen when I'm alone. Ha! No, really...

I'm not going to go into what caused the estrangement. Anybody who doesn't know but would like to is welcome to peruse my "family" or "wednes past" tags to catch up with me talking about mumsy and her whole deal. No, I didn't ever call her "mumsy," I just think that's a hilarious way to refer to a mom who wasn't especially motherly. For a beautifully exaggerated and somewhat fictionalized version of life with mumsy, you can always read my self-indulgeant debut novel, A Stabbing for Sadie. When people ask me if I'm Sadie, I like to look shocked while shaking my head and proclaiming that such would be impossible...because Sadie is fat. Hahahahahahaha!

My mom is a big TV watcher. We grew up knowing that TV was the only activity our family could engage in together without screaming or violence. By not talking to her for 20 years--we never got to discuss huge TV events like LOST, Game of Thrones, or even The Sopranos. I bet she likes them. I have no idea if she's seen the Harry Potter movies (she doesn't read, or didn't when I knew her), though I imagine she's all over that Christian Grey shit. Ew. When we last talked, LA Law, Animaniacs, Romper Room, Star Trek Next Gen, and the Arsenio Hall Show were still on the air.
I know, right?

I've changed mightily as a person since last speaking to Mater. It's amazing how much one can grow and develop when no one is hitting them, screaming how ugly, fat and stupid they are, or just generally not having someone figuratively step on your neck every time you try to speak or move. Even if I'm never as kind, considerate, or accepting as I'd like to be--I can take solace in the fact that I'll never EVER be the frightened, duplicitous, lasher-outer that passed for a mother where I grew up.
It makes me happy to hang out with kids and see that I don't have the urge to smack them, even if they're little assholes. For people who grew up thinking smacking people was normal, this is kind of a big deal.

Of course, I have almost no memory of ever speaking to my biological father. I grew up with a stepdad, only I was NEVER supposed to refer to him that way. My mom was hysterical when she thought someone was lying to her--but that was nothing compared to what she would do if someone told one of her truths.
wednes: (Farnsworth/zombie jesus)
I wasn't going to weigh in on Rachel Dolezal in any sort of public way. As a white chick, I don't feel like the issue in general is any of my business. But I also don't feel like all the hate ascribed to her motives is okay. I'm hearing people say she lied to "steal a job that should have gone to a person of color," and that she, "engaged in cultural appropriation in order to obtain privilege she didn't deserve." If Black Privilege is a thing, this is the first I've heard of it. Her actions have been called "insensitive, self-aggrandizing, hateful, hurtful," and the ever-popular PC standby "problematic."

To my mind, she wanted to change her identity to distance herself from truly horrible people that, sadly, she had a biological bond with. I relate to this fully. Yet, I hear people railing on about how "She lied, SHE LIED!!! OMG, how can you let it go that she LIIIIIEEEDDD?!?!?!11/11" For fuck's sake, if any of you try to tell me that you've never lied--or even that you've never lied about anything important, I'm gonna have to tell you that you're a goddamn liar. Yes, I realize that there are racial components to her lies, and that I'm skipping right over them in this post. I'm not going to argue with anyone who thinks the racial implications of Dolezal's actions make them unforgivable. That's none of my business.

I'd like to tell you all something. Given some of your reactions to Dolezal, this may come as a shock to you (though honestly, I bet it won't).

My legal last name is NOT Friday. That's right, I "lied." When I wanted to distance myself from a family that didn't give half a fuck about my well-being, I toyed with the idea of changing my last name to Friday, legally. This was around 1997, my lowest point of mental health crisis in my adult life (though I had suicidal ideation all through high school and most of college). I finally said to my family, "I don't want to have anything to do with any of you until you can treat me with some basic goddamn courtesy and respect." I never heard from my mother, or her husband (my adoptive "father") again.

To be extra clear, this was long before I started writing "A Stabbing for Sadie," my first published book, and the first time I used the Friday name on anything substantial. I continued to use the Friday name in my personal and professional life. I legally took H's last name when I married him, but continue to use the Friday name anywhere that isn't a bank, doctor's office, tax document, or other situation where it's illegal to use a false name.

I never changed it legally. That shit is expensive. Plus, my mom paid the state to falsify my birth certificate as a kid, so I don't even have a copy of one that says what my birth name is. I was told that it's perfectly fine to use whatever name I want so long as it's not for the purpose of committing fraud.

Let me ask, how many of you feel "lied to, deceived, taken advantage of?" Who thinks I should apologize to everyone I've "misled?" Who thinks the abuse I've endured has "nothing to do with the adult" I am today? Who thinks lies are NOT an integral part of growing up with a mentally ill parent with no clue about their own mental illness? If you really don't understand why abused children lie, and why the habit of lying is so hard to break--hit me up. I'll be happy to explain it to you--that is, if you think you can trust a liar like me.
wednes: (The Horror Within)
The new site for The Horror Within is almost ready. Now that the foundation has been laid, it's just a matter of adding final graphics and organizing everything the way it needs to be. Then getting all the staff accounts ready. Oh, and I'll need some fiction to share with readers. Sad times, because I can't pay anyone yet. We'll be accepting reprints and actively seeking new authors. Plus I want to have novel chapters and interviews with up and coming writers and artists. That'll be good stuff!

My blood sugar has been kind of high. I was gonna buy an exercise bike, but found out that it's way cheaper to just buy the pedals and use them with a regular chair. I'm not really one for the fitness training. But something about having a sitting down job and sitting down hobbies has made me lazy as hell. So I'll be working on that, now that the pedals have arrived.

Going to the glasses emporium tomorrow to get an exam and new spectacles. I hope they have some I like. Our insurance went from awesome to lame, so the out-of-pocket promises to be hefty. I'll be sure to post a pic.

Having family visits next week, and some in July too. I hate having new people over to my apartment because it's such a filthy shithole. I really need to shampoo the carpets, but that's kind of a major and expensive undertaking. Plus, our vacuum, which we've had less than a year, is already making a terrible smell and not picking anything up. Fie!

TV news

May. 10th, 2014 09:25 am
wednes: (TV!!!)
It's May, which means all the new TV news is coming down.

You don't need to be clairvoyant to figure out that Agents of Shield will be back for another season. There's also gonna be a spinoff, and it's not the wacky adventures of HYDRA. Too bad.

Larry Wilmore has been tagged to be Stephen Colbert's replacement. Obviously, it will be a new show, a scripted panel show that I imagine will attract plenty of great guests.

Community was cancelled.
That's some bunk ass bullshit.
Unless Abed gets a spinoff. Then I'll be okay.

Penny Dreadful starts on Sunday. Yeah, I could have watched it early, but I'm a fan of ephemerality and like to pretend TV has some left. I'm hoping it's not just a riff on American Horror Story, but it sort of looks like it. I like the combination of literary characters (Dr Frankenstein, Dorian Gray, Mina Harker), and the cast is strong. I'm reviewing it, so hit me up on Geekbinge if you're watching.

The Maron premiere was fantastic. It's amazing how much I like the show, when I'm confident that I would not like Mark Maron if I ever met him.

Delighted to see that the FCC's internet has been slowed down to modem levels. Not sure how much impact that will have since they're probably all using their tablets and phones with 3G or 4G. Still, fuck those guys.

In not-TV related news, few things depress me as much as seeing a family member post anti-fat hate on their Facebook--and then realizing that they're raising a daughter. You'd think people would want to create a better world for their kids, free from stigma and hate. Okay, maybe that's not possible, but mark my words--that poor kid will be dieting for weight loss long before she's a teenager. Gross.
wednes: (Default)
Have you heard? Racism is over! Hurrah!
I heard a while back that there was no more racism, because they changed the voting laws to make it easier to pass racist (anti)voting laws...which of course no one would pass, because there's no more racism.
Except...within hours of hearing that racism was over, a bunch of racists passed a bunch of racist bills to prove how unracist they are now that there's no more racism. Get it?

In my home state of Michigan, we learned recently that no matter what happens in the rest of the country, Michigan is racism free. That's why Affirmative Action is no longer needed at U of M, which must mean that college admissions are more or less evenly split among the races, or directly proportional to the racial makeup of the applicants. Wait, what? They aren't? Gosh...who could have ever foreseen that?
Except, you know, everyone.

I admit freely that I'm not 100% on Affirmative Action. I'm not sure counting and quotas is the best way to go about achieving social justice. Despite the douchebaggery of the speaker--I do think placing more focus on class than on race makes a lot of sense. Plenty of studies exist that show that the number 1 and 2 indicators of a child's educational success are the education of the mother, and poverty.
What is it about being underfed, getting poor nutrition, and having parents who are always tired, worried, stressed, or not home at all that keeps these kids from excelling in school? They must just be lazy, amirite? *eyeroll*

Moving on, The Internets are a great thing, because they get information to The People. Social networking has been a force for social change and even political upheaval. But see, the Internets also give a voice to the most hateful sort of paranoid dickbags. Sure, free speech means avoid the comments at all costs. It means that Nazi sympathizers, holocaust deniers, pedophiles, and Glade-huffers can find kindred spirits and know they aren't alone. Free speech means everybody gets to talk, even if ultimately we have to scour every news story for hints of satire--because gag news looks and sounds so much like the preposterous REAL news that it's hard to tell them apart. Hunger strikes against gay marriage, pro-slavery cattle ranchers, and anti-black-guy basketball profiteers sound like they should be made up.
They aren't.

So...we've got an internet where anyone can say anything, and any opinion no matter how destructive or horrible can be found and read by anyone who wants to find it. No type of legal consequences for willfully spreading lies, even with the express intent to cause anger, injury, whatevs. Amid all of that, we have the impending demise of Net Neutrality. I maintain that Net Neutrality is about a lot more than who'll get the fastest Netflix streaming.

Notice how the same half-dozen people own almost all the newspapers and TV networks? How long before those same assholes are controlling the entire internet? Cutting access to sites that check facts, point out lies, or present alternate points of view? What if FOX "news" loaded in seconds but CNN (or maybe a good news network) took 3 minutes. What if we had to pay extra to get BBC news or anything outside the US?

We like to pretend we're so awesome with our technology and our freedom. We aren't. Our crushing economy is well, crushing us. Many people are using all their energy just to keep their families fed and housed while others are amassing insane amounts of wealth on our backs.
I think it's awesome that rich people tried to buy Mitt Romney an election and weren't able to. But how long is that gonna last? Our current oligarchy is far worse than if we had elected a true despot. Even Kim Jong Un doesn't want his entire country to be 99% slaves to industries who continually fight for the right to not pay a living wage.

This Conservative Cabal is clearly plotting to slowly remove the laws that protect the weak and disenfranchised. They're doing their damndest to cut education and welfare so kids will grow up sick and stupid. They abhor family planning, and while they say they don't approve of working moms--they've cleverly arranged an economy where it's damn difficult to raise kids on a single salary--and it often means going without owning a home. The Conservative Cabal fights for the right to pay paltry wages while raking in billions in profits, all the while pretending that they hire workers based on what they can afford--rather than on what they need. Then they get angry and accusatory when someone is smart or brave, or fed-up enough to call them out on it.

*sigh*
Girl-H's (H's sister) food stamps were taken away this week. Budget cuts. She works part-time, but can't be on her feet for more than a few minutes due to an injury she can no longer afford to treat or medicate. Her ACA application was "lost" so she had no healthcare at present. We found all that out last night. I was saving up to take H to see Godzilla but now it looks like we're going to send that money to her so she can eat. Because 'Murica & Freedumz.
wednes: (Handfasting)
H and I celebrate Christmas the old fashioned way:
We buy each other stuff we wouldn't normally buy.

I got H:
A spinny top that works with a string
chinese finger trap
Star Trek Next Gen Pez dispenser box set
Alien T-shirt
Tee fury T-shirt with every Doctor on it.
Onion hardback front page collection
2 pr satin boxer shorts

He got me:
Doctor River Song sonic screwdriver
box of dark chocolate hazelnut truffles
hazelnut milk
Whole Foods hazelnut coffee creamer
smoked hazelnut gelato (outrageous!)
organic choco hazelnut spread (that is NOT nutella)
ventresca tuna
2 packs of Nathans hot dogs because we love them and only one store in the area actually sells them. Woot!

So yeah, that was nice.
Most of our peeps got cards and homemade lip balms.
Always well received and appreciated, so far.

We also got a big tin of cookies and a pumpkin bread from my Aunt, and another bag of yummy treats from my old college pal who visited today.

We also watched Doctor Who, which I haven't reviewed yet but will.

Holly Daze

Dec. 12th, 2013 07:37 pm
wednes: (Vincent)
I didn't make it to mass at St Francis last week despite my best efforts. Snow and cabs thwarted me. This week, I shall time call! (for non-cab people, this means scheduling the cab the night before)

I decided to take it really easy on myself this holiday season. We're not having anyone over for New Years Eve, first of all. So that's a LOT of cooking I won't have to do. I'm also not baking anything, except for H's birthday. Even with very little family in the area, there seems to be such a glut of cookies, fudge, and other holiday sweets that giving them out starts to seem like a cumbersome imposition.
In contrast, my Wednes-made lip balms have been turning out well and are pretty popular. Most of them can be sent with cards in padded mailers (H always makes us an awesome card). And nobody has to lay any diet-shaming talk on me about how "naughty" they'll feel when they eat cookies--because unless you're a disturbed youngster, you don't eat lip balm.

Aside from H and my goddaughter, I'm also not buying many presents. I get a little splashy with birthday gifts, but Xmas is just too huge and spendy to be getting pressies for everyone. That said, I did buy my goddaughter a Furby. I got an awesome Black Friday (why you gotta bring race into it?!?) deal on it, and I know she really wanted it. Honestly, I wouldn't mind a play robot myself, but I'm certainly not spending that kind of money on a toy for me.

Computer is worse than ever. In addition to having a broken click-bar, I'm looking at 12+ minutes to open Photoshop, and sometimes 10 minutes just for MS Word. Bearing in mind that I have to run INDesign including conversions, it's very frustrating. If I leave it unplugged, it will shut down itself at 20% power and without a warning. Gah! Mostly, I want to replace this computer before it shuts down completely and I can't get my stuff off it. I only have so many tiny flash drives, and most of them will not hold the magazine archive. *sigh* The down side to working at home and online is that if anything happens to my computer, I'm pretty much boned.

In better news, you can now Subscribe to Under the Bed magazine at Amazon. B&N is still taking a stupid long time to get the new issues up, but you can buy single issues from them. The best place to get single issues though, is at the FicMag website.

Found out today that there's a short film adaptation of Abed which is a short story I first read in Skipp and Spector's Book(s) of the Dead which I was just talking about on Facebook as being particularly influential to me. This particular story is now sold singly, with the same publisher as me, in fact. I'll be receiving a review copy soon, so that's fly. ZZN is starting to get active again. I'm throwing up my thoughts on Walking Dead this weekend if I have time. Mostly though, I'll be editing stories for the Feb issue and laying out the Jan issue once H gets the graphics to me.
wednes: (Farnsworth/zombie jesus)
When I was a kid, religion was not really a thing at our house. Mom practiced no faith, and her husband was a non-practicing Christian who had no patience for people who thought anything other than Christianity was "real." We learned about Santa before we learned about God/Jesus. My grandparents took us to church sometimes, but it had no more meaning than a movie or a concert to me. I had a public school teacher who made us pray, and who called me a "heathen" for not knowing the Lord's Prayer so I could say it after the Pledge.

Cut for potentially boring chatter about why I'm going to church this Sunday. )

Pope Francis has the potential to cause the biggest Church upheaval since Martin Luther and his hammer. It shouldn't be that way, but sadly, it has to be. So this Sunday, I'm heading down to St Francis Church to hear mass and see if my local Catholics are in line with the new Pope and his message. Because if I can get in on this wave of spreading compassion and comfort, I'm in!

I wrote St Francis' outreach person... )
So far, this seems okay to me. Watch my new "church" tag if you want to follow this adventure.

Oldness

Nov. 26th, 2013 04:35 pm
wednes: (Hazel 2)
My birthday party was well attended and a lot of fun. The trifle was a huge success. The queso dip got overcooked in the crock pot and ended up grainy by the end of the night. It was pretty tasty for a while though.

I got some presents:
Rob Zombie lunchbox
glass nail file that is awesome and will never dull
Books from an author I've never read before (Sweet!)
Targaryan coffee mug
Game of Thrones coaster set
blackberry balsamic vinegar
truffle oil
meyer lemon infused olive oil
lemon cookies
lemon square mix
lemon creme coated almonds (OMG so yummy!)
Criterion ed of Fritz Lang's M
Halloween H2O
IHOP gift card
Cornucopia of flowers
Fountain pen with extra ink
kindle books including How to write a novel with Scrivener, We Need to Talk about Kevin, and Murder as Fine Art

There were pics, but I have no time to edit, size and post them until I finish this giant pile of SEO and put out the December issue of Under the Bed.
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
My birthday party is this weekend. I get so giddy with child-like glee for my birthday party. Lots of my favorite peeps come over and we eat yummy food, play games, and enjoy general merriment. It's like Christmas, but just for me and a select group of comrades.
Ya'll should come if you're in the area.

Key & Peele. Those guys are so smart and hilarious, I don't even get bent out of shape when Jordan wears a fat suit. From me, that totally means something since I went off on Jon Stewart for wearing one.
Also, I got my eye on you, Jay-Quellin!

My fam. Seeing my brother on a regular basis is awesome. Bummed his new GF can't come to my party because I would love to meet her.

I'm enjoying how many people are finally realizing how fucked up our current minimum wage is. That's right, people with full time jobs shouldn't be below the poverty line--especially if they're only supporting themselves, or themselves and one child. That said, yes, most families do require two incomes. If your wife has a job and you don't--fucking find yourself a gig, you lazy bastard.
Sorry to digress, that was for one person in particular.

Work. Even when various assignments are brain-breakingly terrible, I still LOVE being able to earn money by writing and editing from home. That is my life's dream, though I did think I would also have a house. Ah well...guess you can't have everything, amirite?

American Horror Story: Coven. I adore you. You are my favorite American Horror Story yet, which is huge considering last year's themes were insanity and mental health "treatments." And I've always been a fan of killer Santa Clauses--ever since Larry Drake in Tales from the Crypt. I still need to buy all these seasons. Would you believe I don't have a single one?
wednes: (Default)
So...I did not get to go on HuffPo Live.

When they invited me, and I said yes--I thought that meant they were having me on. It didn't.
It meant that the producer I talked to was interested in having me on, which is the first of several steps to actually going on.

Turns out, someone associated with the show became available and I was bumped--you know, because I'm not that more qualified to talk about feminism, Skyler, BB, and women in TV in general--than the average smart person who pays attention to stuff.

Anyway, I thanked them for thinking of me and let them know that Dexter is ending in a few weeks and I'm totally available to talk about America's love affair with murderers. I'm infinitely more qualified to talk about that.


I wasn't even finished being bummed about it when I was approached by my editor at Kinkly for a new project that will make me monies and be tons of fun.

Also, the Kindle I got my brother for his birthday has arrived. I'm resisting the urge to open it and check it out. I'm also giving him a drive with a zillion books on it. Because my brother is awesome.
wednes: (MamaCass)
I've been getting progressively more brave with my Kinkly articles. I started with something very jokey and general. I moved in to reviewing products and discussing my experiences with them. If that doesn't sound brave, keep in mind that I'm a married woman writing reviews for vibrators that are published on websites and picked up by other websites, stores, and etc so that all over the world, people know that I think the Hitachi magic wand is wicked awesome.

So yeah...

Then I wrote about when I used to be a phonesex op. Before I started doing that, I warned my family that they could un-list me as family if my doing sex work embarrassed them. It didn't.

My new article is on the hot, hot, HOT topic of fat sex. This isn't a hot topic because it's so hot, but because fat flaming on the internet is one of the most brutal and pervasive bastions of online hate, bigotry, judgement, and general nastiness. It's kind of why I'm grateful that the internet wasn't around when I was in school. But I digress.

I wrote all about being fat, being uncomfortable about it, and having sex with a body that has always been...and remains fat. I'm especially nervous because the editor at this site is more assertive than I'm used to, and actually makes changes to things that are different than what I'd have done. The whole thing makes me edgy and tense, and I await the kind of flaming that only the Internets can dish out. So...we shall see.
wednes: (Tyrion)
The fake apocalypse was basically the same as any other. I didn't actually meet anyone (except H's mom that one time) who believed it was real. I heard from dozens of Christians who leapt at the chance to mock the beliefs of others--as if mayans foreseeing the apocalypse is more absurd than virgin births, reanimated non-zombies, and . Nice, eh? I presume tomorrow we'll once again hear all the terrible things people who DID believe it was the end of the world actually did. Let's hope they kept the murder to a minimum.

Toward the beginning of November, my cousin Victoria sent me an Amaryllis bulb that was supposed to grow into a flower if I didn't kill it in the mean time. I read the instructions, and watered it a few times--fully expecting it to die long before it grew anything. A few days ago, H asked me if I'd seen my flowers (we keep plants in the only animal-free room we have--H's office). Sure enough, there were two giant flowers on it. A few days later, there were twice as many. Can you even imagine in? You don't have to, because look:


Amazing, no?

I put H's stocking gifts out last night. Only then did it occur to me that I didn't buy him any candy this year. Now I have to decide if I want to go out and get some. I'm pretty sure I don't, but we shall see. He's already getting some cool stuff. I got him a Bugs Bunny T-shirt, and another shirt from T-fury which is of the 10th Doctor Who. Plus a bottle of hot sauce and a 11th Doctor Who screwdriver that is an actual screwdriver. His stocking has new earbuds, paperback replacements of Alien and Aliens, astronaut ice cream, and some sticky notes with the TARDIS on them.

We got a juniper bonsai from Team Wilcox. If we can keep JoJo from eating it, it will be awesome. It's really cool looking, but I don't want to post a pic yet in case we kill it. Treated myself to a gift in the form of this highly recommended gadget for aromatherapy. What? It's therapy. It's aromatic. You wanna fight about it?

Dexter Retrospective should go up soon. I'm reviewing the first season of The Following (if it lasts a whole season, fricken FOX), and Ripper Street on BBC. I somehow managed to secure Game of Thrones reviews in March as well. Depending on my schedule, I may see about reviewing Bates Motel as well. So that will be fun.

Happy Solstice, kids!
wednes: (Eye of Wednes)
Been working my ass off as of late, yet my ass has inexplicably remained the same size. Just as well, I'd hate to have to buy all new pants.

Bills are getting paid. My CPAP will be paid off by February--sooner if this marketing company keeps throwing extra work my way. The TV reviews are still small income generators. Mostly they are fun, and let me write off the cable and internet bills. Yay!

Tax time is coming. Can't wait to hear all the internet banter about the bullshit Fiscal Cliff the GOP manufactured. This is another of those areas in which I'm baffled as to what they think they're doing.
It should be clear as a bell to anyone with eyes that those giant tax breaks for rich people are NOT creating jobs. If they were, there would be tons of jobs right now. The reason so many businesses aren't hiring is that they don't NEED new employees. The middle class is low on cash so nobody is buying anything. If people actually had disposable income, they could buy shit, businesses could hire. Tax revenues would go up, and the need for welfare would go down. I'm not an economic genius or anything--but this plan of giving the rich giant meals in the hopes that crumbs will fall to the poor--it's asinine and only a fool would believe it. And to the mooks who say no one will try if they have to pay taxes--well THOSE are the moochers you're always bitching about. If you're only trying, creating, doing, building etc because you hope it will make you rich--fuck you. You probably don't have anything remarkable inside you anyway. The pursuit of vast wealth is insipid and displays a complete lack of understanding about the very nature of life and humanity.

I love Patricia Walden's Iyengar Yoga vids. LOVE.

H and I went to my cousin's wedding last Saturday. My mom didn't attend because I was there. Classy lassy, that one! (not) The family was warm and welcoming. In the years I was away, all the kids turned into adults, and all the adults turned into old people. Uncle *name-redacted* did not get drunk and roll his glass eye across the table like he did when I was little. Drag. Aunt *redacted again* and her partner finally started introducing each other as their "partner." Even as a teenager I didn't think any grown-ups actually had the same roommate for that long. A good rule of thumb is that if two same-sex people get a new place together more than twice--they're almost certainly a couple. Another good way to find out is to ask. ;-]
It was a good wedding. I was glad I went. They were glad to have me there. H is a delight in social situations. So Yay on that!

Had an online exchange with my younger cousin who also has no name. She posted "My friend OD'd on pot--said no one ever." Cut for Pot Talk )

Today is looking over the new Stig and the Puppetman I finished last night. Then four marketing articles. Then, trying a new recipe for lip balm that I hope will not result in a bunch of wasted garbage. Cocoa peppermint again.
Later, I'm gonna do coconut lime lip balm, and some 1oz containers of chest rub--like for colds. Neat, eh?
wednes: (Grimey)
Time for my yearly Thanksgiving post.
Lucky you!

I am thankful to be doing the writer thing for reals. I write for my living, and I write books. I have a little side income from fun writing like interviews and TV reviews. I'm making comics and editing my own book trailer together. Once I have 120 pages or so of Stig and the Puppetman Imma totally get that shit published as its own book.
It's amazing to me that I have second editions coming out. I'm blown away by the fact that I'm making actual money from books I've written. It still seems more like an impossible fantasy than something I have to get done before the end of the month. If that makes any sense.

I am thankful to have family in my life, which is not something I'm known for saying. Years of reconciling the "loss" of a family made me forget how really awesome some of those people are. I got a cool sparkly pink card from my favorite aunt (who is also my godmother). You have to remember someone's birthday at least a week in advance, and then go get them a card, find a goddamn stamp...it's a whole friggin' ordeal to get a card to someone a few days before a birthday.
Plus, you know, I've got that brother I think is pretty cool. Not sure if he's coming to the par tay on Saturday, but I hope so. Looks to be a fun crowd this year. Glad to be keeping the menu simple--but yummy. Prepare for toom, peeps! (no, I don't mean toom-flavored peeps, because that would be nightmarish)
I also got a birthday card from my insurance agent, and my alma mater. My alma mater seems to think I can afford to do a lot more donating than I'm actually doing.

As usual, what I'm most thankful for is H.
My husband is my perfect match.
So yeah, I've got the kind of life that blows my mind with goodness.
Speaking of blowing my mind with goodness, I made this:
wednes: (Jack Mocks)
The Leonid meteor shower was still supposed to be going on tonight. Nice for us, since H is home from work, and we have a telescope. I'm told that if you can find the right place to point it, you can see some cool stuff. No dice. We've had rain all day, and clouds friggin' everywhere. Sad times.

I'm trying to get all my marketing work done before Thanksgiving. I'm making a nice meal and H is off work. We're having a few friends over, people who want a nice meal and don't have local family or whatever. If you are such a person and would like to come, let me know. We're having pasta with meatballs (I've never made meatballs before, so they might suck) and a roasted pepper cream sauce. I'll also be making bread sticks. Somebody is bringing a chocolatey dessert.

Saturday is my annual birthday bash. I decided not to get all stressed out about cooking this year. We're having hot dogs and a crock pot full of baked beans. I'm making fresh salsa, toom (also a first for me, but I'm fairly confident that it won't suck), and a pineapple cake. If you are typically invited and haven't heard from me, it's because I suck at invites these days. Facebook is lame for that stuff, but I don't think I have everyone's right Email anymore.
In better news, H is cleaning the house.

Last time I got a salon haircut, it was the kind that you're supposed to maintain. Yeah, right. Months later, it is all grown out and looks awful. I have a party this weekend, and an actual family wedding with my actual family next weekend. So a haircut is in order despite my not having $80 to get one. (Yes, it really costs that much with cab fare.) So I trimmed up the front, and tried to trim up the back. I think it's a fail though. I gotta have somebody come over and trim it, because that's another one of those things H simply will not attempt. It's just hair, and cutting it in a straight line. *sigh*

37000 / 50000
(74%)


See everybody Saturday!
wednes: (Tyrion)
Today is my brother Mark's birthday.
He was born on Friday the 13th.
He is 36. Who ever could have guessed that any of us would live this long?
Seriously...

Just to give you some contrast, here's what I had to say about my brother's birthday in 2004.
Yeah, it's locked. So if you really want to see it and can't, hit me up privately and I'll decide whether or not I can trust you. ;-] = o.O
The jist is that in 2004, I hadn't talked to him in years and missed him a whole lot. Now he comes over for lunch once a week or so, and we watch TV and hang out. That is pretty goddamn amazing, all things so considered.

So yeah, I'll be making my brother cookies later on tonight. Chocolate chip with walnuts. I was going to do a second batch of peanut butter and jelly cookies. H forgot to get jelly at the store, even though he went back a second time because he also forgot peanut butter. I've been thinking about that microwave fudge I've made a few times--the Alton Brown recipe "fidge" that's super easy and crazy good. Think I'll make that again.
If I drove, I'd take some to the old day job. I hear it's gotten WAY worse there since a bunch more people left. FOUR more people gave notice since I left at the beginning of July. I like to think it's because I gave people hope.
wednes: (Loring/Wednes)
I sort of flaked on my 10-Year Bloggiversary, which was actually the tenth of June. I thought it was in July, but when I checked, it uh...wasn't.
Whoops.

Of course, it's only a "whoops" if a bloggiversary is something that merits a joyous celebration. It may or may not be. Let's find out how joyous we should be with some exploratory listing of things that have happened since I began a blog in 2002.

--Got internet ordained.

--H and I have moved twice and still remain houseless.

--I got two cats, lost one, and then got another one.

--I had a yellow anaconda, but now I don't. I never will again, Zod willing.

--I completed five novels, three of which have been published.

--I've written at least 100 short stories, poems, articles, marketing pieces.

--Acquired and left two day-jobs.

--Got married. That was pretty cool.

--Three years of extensive therapy, EMDR, and med experimentation on a massive scale.

--Got back in touch with my brother, my godmother/favorite aunt, and a ton of various and sundry cousins, aunts, uncles and distant relations from my mother's side of my family. Whoa.

--Exchanged a few Emails with my biological father. Meh.

--Learned how to knit on a loom. Made a few dozen hats and miscellaneous yarny things. (This is a big deal since yarn crafts had always been a fail for me)

--Ridiculous infatuations with Chris Noth, Rob Zombie, Voltaire, and my hot hot former boss.

--Learned to bake bread, make a roux, and that there is no food on earth that cannot be improved with bacon. Though I kind of suspected that for most of my life.

Okay then, I shall make a little merry. That's a pretty good list.



I shall close with a bit of self indulgence.
Please tell me your most (and least, if you must) favoritest thing about my blog.
wednes: (Carrie & Mom)
Whatever you do...
Don't forget to call Mother.
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
I am feeling better.

Had a work meeting with my boss (at my own behest). It was open, honest, and I left feeling much better than I did when I went in.

Meds seem to be evening out.

Got a nibble on a gig making those silly lists that people pass around on Facebook. The site looks like it's more pictures than words--and I frankly find those to be a pain in the ass. Still I'm gonna look it over and see if it's something I'll want to do. If the pay is okay, I could certainly create some funny lists. I'm the Egg McMuffin of pop culture and tend to be witty as fuck.
And I've always wanted to be professionally opinionated.

The sushi delivery place will be the end of me. If I had it, I could spend hundreds of dollars a week there. So much eel...

Mark was here for lunch today. Hamburger Pie.
Mmmmmm...

Well into the Matt Smith Doctor Whos (Ha! I almost wrote "Doctor Whose" which would be laughably ungrammatical.) They're pretty good. I asked H if the next two-parter was going to be emotionally draining--you know how they can kick your ass sometimes? He said I don't think so, no. Right. Because at the end of the two-parter Spoiler here, obiviously )

And lastly, I got a haircut. I had all the bleached hair cut off. My hair was normal brown for about 4 days. Now, not so much.

The blue is a lot of fun. And with just the one color, it's not really that weird. Besides, as a writer, I get to be eccentric even though I'm not rich. With that in mind:

There's a wee bit of pink as well.

Angry

Mar. 20th, 2012 01:57 pm
wednes: (Stabby Rage)
As most of you regular readers know, my mom is a very angry person. Zero-to-pissed at the drop of a hat. Angry when someone uses a word or phrase she doesn't know, furious when anything doesn't go as planned--no matter how minor; flies into a rage over anyone daring to disagree--infinitely worse if someone dares to suggest that she's wrong about something, and catagory 5 tornado of rage if she actually turns out to be wrong. When I was a kid, she threw a swingline stapler at my face because I said Ally Sheedy was a brunette in The Breakfast Club even though she's a redhead in real life. I know...clearly something you need to do violence to your kid over, right?

I've been feeling angry for well over a year now. My usual mode is sarcasm. Most of what I encounter (granted, this is home, work, friends, shopping, and the internet--all pretty irritating) ends in my feeling somewhere between annoyed and incensed. It doesn't just affect my feelings. It affects my real work, my stupid-day-job that I hate, and everything else I need to do. I've stopped leaving the house for all non-essential activities--I don't even go grocery shopping anymore. I can't get into a car without constantly thinking of hurling myself out of it while it's moving (though this is more of an express way thing, not around down). Last night I thought about what would happen if I smothered H with a pillow so he wouldn't have to put up with my crap. (No, I'm not actually going to do it.) That's the same rationale that mommies use when they drown their kids in a bathtub, or drive them over a bridge.

I don't mind telling you, that scares the crap out of me. If I was still single and sans insurance, I'd get myself admitted to inpatient psyche. I clearly need it. I can feel an utter emotional collapse coming on. As it is, inpatient psyche for even a week would wipe out our entire savings. Every last bit and then some. So I'm stuck. And guess what? That makes me angry too.


In other news, The Walking Dead sucks. Fuck those guys. I'm putting my Evil Dead article on hold so I can write about this in detail for ZZN.

I'm delighted to hear that the feds are now involved in Trayvon Martin's murder. All you pricks who went on and on over KONY don't seem to give a shit about an American kid who got murdered by some neighborhood watch loon who calls the cops every time a neighbor sneezes. This kind of goes back to my earlier point about how fucked up everything gets when people can't get the mental health treatment they need.
And the Obama spokesman who said the White House doesn't want to be involved? Seriously? We invade liberate and free every oil-infested country in the whole damn world--but when a young kid is murdered for the heinous crime of buying candy in a posh neighborhood--suddenly we don't want to be involved?
I call bullshit on that.
wednes: (Handfasting)
My week off is drawing to a close. I got a ton of stuff done, and will get even more done by the end of this thing. Yay!

H's Grandmother is a lovely woman. She's sweet, doesn't hassle me about anything, calls just to see how we are--and it never turns into an uncomfortably lengthy convo because she's lonely. She sends beautiful cards and always gushes about the stuff we send her. I like her very much. H's Grandfather had a stroke and she takes care of him, has been for years. Last week, they moved into assisted living because taking care of him got to be too much for her. That frightens and depresses me more than I'm prepared to describe in detail here.

A lot of men in H's family have had strokes. And I? Well, let's just say I'm not the pinnacle of health. Twenty more years, we could be living in some kind of soylent based society depending on how some of this economic hoosefudge turns out. It's terrifying to be in my 40's and nowhere near able to own a home. On top of everything, I hate that talking to H's Grandmother makes me sad.
I really do like her.
Anyway, I'm going to make her some suncatchers and send them to her so they'll know we're thinking about them. Dragonflies.
wednes: (Zombie B&W)
Been selling a LOT of books lately. I don't discuss numbers or money specifics publicly, but more people have bought or downloaded my books in the month of February than they did all of last year...by a WIDE margin. That knowledge is helping me get totally stoked about making edits to The Finster Effect and keeping up on all the other marketing crap I have to do. I had two (out of three) of my novels make it to the top ten in horror and/or contemporary fiction. I'm not exactly sure why Contemporary Fiction is its own category--but whatever.

Was thinking again about getting a table at Motor City Nightmares this year since I'm not having a book release party after all. But just the table is $300. Plus at least that much for books, and then transportation, hotel, and I might want to eat or buy something while I'm there. As much as I'd like to meet Tony Todd and have him sign my Candyman doll, I really cannot justify that kind of expenditure when I still haven't paid for my CPAP and pretty much gave up ever going to the oral surgeon for the $200 consult. (I was going to go, but got new glasses instead)

Having said that, I bought a slick bit of jewelry from someone on etsy that I think is great, and who also had some emergency vet bills happening. They didn't want a straight up donation (which is what I offered. People were so kind and generous that time that Clarence got sick.) but invited people to buy stuff from the etsy store. Soon I shall be sporting a truly unique and badass pendant of THE CRAWLING EYE. Yeah, just when you thought my horror cred could be none more better, it gets even better still.

Had lunch with my brother yesterday. We checked out a couple of low budget zombie screeners that I'll be reviewing soon for ZZN. Also hard at work on my treatise about the how and why I HATE the Evil Dead movies so much. It's going to be tremendous fun. Maybe it will be the beginning of a series of articles on why I hate stuff. You know you're all dying to know!
wednes: (Colbert Rage)
Sorry kids, but I have to post at length about the dad who puts 5 hollow point bullets into his kid's laptop after she had the nerve to complain about her parents on the internet. Oh, the humanity, that a 15-year-old girl should rant about chores and not getting an allowance.

I hear a lot of people applauding this asshole. I really don't get it. I know that some people LOVE to blame the victim--but how are any of you okay with a parent using a .45 to get their point across? If it was her boyfriend shooting up her shit--nobody would tell her she deserves it. Well, maybe Newt or Santorum, but nobody sane. I'm hearing a lot of blather about how kids today have no respect and how they'd do the same thing if it was "there kid." [sic] Are we really asserting that kids learn to be more respectful after watching a parent shoot up their shit?

I'd like to take a moment to explain a few things to a few people who think this kind of behavior is acceptable in a parent. I'm presuming that if you think this shit is kosher, that you were never abused by your parents. Or perhaps you were abused but are still deluding yourself into thinking that your PTSD and inability to connect emotionally with another person is "just one of those things" and that all those beatings you took along with the constant shaming and belittling was "no big deal" or "something all parents do." Note: many parents actually give a shit whether or not their kid has any self esteem, and actually put their child's comfort before their own--even when they're upset.

A parent who flies into a rage over nothing is TERRIFYING. It's like living with a fucking time bomb in your house. In my experience, sometimes that time bomb ticks loudly when it wants you to do something...letting you know that it has the power to completely disassemble you in seconds, and that nobody will be able to do anything about it. Sometimes that time bomb sits there dormant, daring you to live your life as if it isn't there. And other times, it pouts to you that it doesn't understand why your afraid of it...just before it blows up everything in its wake.
Yes, obviously I have issues with this sort of thing. As a kid who grew up in a constant state of fear, I'm a little edgy about people cheering while a dad is terrorizing his kid. I'm not suggesting that there be no follow up after a sweary rant is found on the internet. But if you watch the dad in the vid, it's not difficult to see where she learned how to write swear filled rants.

Here's the thing. There's a difference between punishment and revenge. I know a lot of Americans don't understand this, and that's why they support the death penalty. You kill them, we kill you may work for some adults--not me, but some. But the Do as I say, not as I do school of parenting was laughed out of town decades ago. This girl is obviously modeling the behavior she sees at home. Let's hope that when she grows up, she stops short of plugging a few rounds into whatever (Dad) thing is making her angry. But if she doesn't...apparently the internets largely think a .45 is a great way to solve family problems. And hell, maybe in Redneckistan, it is. But I would hope civilized people would know better--or at least that you don't show respect for something by putting a few bullets into it. Punishment is supposed to illustrate why the behavior is wrong, and provide incentive not to repeat the behavior. This dad copied the behavior and then expanded it, and then destroyed an expensive piece of equipment for no real reason. I suppose she'll be grounded for not doing the homework that was on the computer next...
The only lesson to be learned here is "My Dad is an asshole."

It's no secret that people who use violence to get their point across do so because they're control freaks who are shitty with words. That might explain why people on FB support this "father".
"How can u say he shul loose his daugter for that. peepel can punsish there kids how they want" [sic times infinity]. If this asshat was actually trying to teach a lesson, he might have say, given the laptop to charity, a school, a needy family, sold it, etc. But no...he destroyed it with his great big gun, then explained that his daughter was then going to pay for all the repairs he made to it. This, of course, smacks of the Why do you make me do it school of domestic violence. Right up there with the old maybe there'd be less rapes if so many women didn't dress like sluts. Victims are not responsible for the shit their attackers do. Nor are children responsible for the actions of their parents. Kids are supposed to do stupid shit. Parents are supposed to act like goddamn adults.
The mini rant about how his daughter's friends will learn that complaining on the internet is not okay? Please. That would be hilariously misinformed, except that it's punctuated by gun violence so it's no longer funny.

If the girl is fifteen, she only has to tolerate that asshattery for a little while longer. Most abusive parents don't seem to realize that there will come a day when the kid is grown up, and no longer has to accept abuse. Those of you who know me know that I've not spoken to my own mother since 1995. Last I heard, she was telling people it was because of money or something--and not because eventually, the dog you keep kicking will refuse to come back for more kicking.

That aside, isn't that rather an appalling example of irresponsible gun ownership? I thought the whole point of gun safety was to teach that guns are not toys. Sounds like SOMEbody needs to learn that lesson. Tell me...is it possible to shoot a gun with another gun?
wednes: (Shaun/Beatin')
When I was a kid, my mom never felt well. She was constantly complaining about her head, her stomach, feeling tired, sick, etc. And even as a kid I was like "You live on Mountain Dew, potato chips and Sudafed, of course you feel like ass." Since her mom died young, she would talk a lot about how she didn't want to also die young. Fun fact: she hasn't.

However...
I don't do those things. I eat a variety of fruits and veggies, though I'm also heavy on the meat and carbs. I exercise, I get enough sleep (especially now, thank you CPAP!) and avoid caffeine, booze, cigs, and hard drugs. I drink plenty of water. Still...I feel like crap more often than not. Headaches, soreness/stiffness, stomach and digestive crap. It seems like I never stop complaining about how I feel. I'm sick of it. And I'm really terrible at suffering in silence. I'm pretty loud about it.

This is why I've been slowly working with docs recently to try and get things looked at and figured out. Maybe I expect too much. Having a CPAP isn't going to make me never feel tired again. My blood pressure being in a healthy range (finally) is not the same as me actually being fit enough for strenuous activity. Finally being on bi-polar meds isn't going to mean I'm never sad, depressed, or manic again. And avoiding some of my moms more heinous qualities is not really doing that much to prevent me from turning into her.

I sometimes wonder if the real reason I never got around to having kids was my paralyzing fear of being like her. I mean, everything else I ever wanted to do, I eventually did or am working on now. I don't know if I'm tired and sick, or just sick and tired. I hate my day-job so much, it makes me angry every time I wake up and realize I have to come here. I hate the fact that I have to have a job like this, AND how much they just don't give a crap about people who do what I do. Hate. But I also don't want to write for companies that are evil--and evil companies seem to be always hiring. *sigh*
wednes: (Wut?  JoJo)
H and I watched the remake of Fright Night last night. It was damn entertaining, and I figure I'll probably buy it at some point. Clever writing, good cast, great Chris Sarandon cameo. I do enjoy when vampires are actually played for scares, rather than say, sparkly homoeroticism. Even the Anne Rice stuff doesn't really hold up now that I'm not an angst-ridden pre-emo teen.
You ever see those Tex Avery cartoons where the wolf is looking at the girl, howling and slapping the table--eyes bugging out across the room? That's how I felt about David Tennant in this movie. Fo Shiz.

Girl-H is back home to PA. She's not thrilled, and will probably be leaving the country again soon. I suspect that she's undergoing the same thing I went through after college--wherein the family has this "Oh, so you think you're better than us now?" attitude. Girl-H is as gentle and good-natured as my H, so she doesn't deserve that shit. I sincerely hope it's not also some crap about Grace wanting to shut out kids from her previous marriage(s). H and Girl-H don't have the same Dad, and Grace is not married to either of their Dad's currently. Odd for someone who had to walk out of my wedding for its terrible pagan leaning. But I digress...

Writer Resume is looking good. Applying for no less than three jobs I have a decent shot at. Am def making this a regular thing. The day-job is making it pretty clear than any bump in pay we get will be tiny and grudgingly given. To give some perspective, my understanding is that cost-of-living increase is roughly 3% a year. My raises have been 2% every-other year. So if I stay with the company for 10 years, I'll be making a dollar an hour more than when I started--only I'll be doing at least 3x as much work, with less training and shitty software. Every year they make it more and more clear that expertise, skill, etc, means basically nothing to them. Their newest crappy idea is that everybody should be able to take calls for every department. So yeah, I long for the day that I can give notice in the manner of that guy from Half Baked. ;-]

My USB mic came in today. It's a cheap one, meant to work with my newly received copy of Dragon Dictate, courtesy of my buddy in Battle Creek. *waves* I didn't really think it through, because it hadn't occurred to me that I won't be able to listen to music while I write if I'm using DD. Or maybe I could, but I'd have to wear headphones. I have to look into it. But anyway, my cheap mic is here.

Have a new Yoga setup on the way. A good mat, some blocks, and a new fat-chick doing Yoga DVD. Looking forward to getting into that. Girl-H also bought me some headphones that will be arriving soon. So I guess I'm just Little Miss Gettin' Stuff. heh.

Oral surgeon appt was a bust. $25 in cabs to find out that they don't call you when they're running 2+ hours behind. As I don't have all fucking day, I rescheduled for next week. Then I got home and remembered that I'm working on both my days off next week. So I guess I'll be rescheduling again.

Decided I enjoyed American Horror Story so much, I'm going to buy it when it comes out on DVD. I am so excited to have a series that really respects horror fans. Next season, new locale and an all-new cast. Please, AHS, don't let me down. And Walking Dead? Your ass is still skating on thin ice, your badass finale notwithstanding. Speaking of badass finales, how much did the last seconds of Dexter Season Six kick your ass? I know, right? Easily the best season finale since LOST went off the air (I'm thinking of S1 and S3 finales in particular).
wednes: (Santa?)
Thank goodness. Christmas is here and soon we can all stop correcting each others well wishes. That will be nice. I'm still complaining because I worked the day-job Friday, and am in again tomorrow even though NO shippers are actually shipping. We won't be able to do anything for anyone, yet we still have to show up at 9 freaking a.m. But I digress...

Girl-H has been staying here for over 2 weeks. I love her. She is great.
Still, it'll be nice to be able to walk around in my underwear again. And to eat meat.
I like meat.
Anyway, we're pretty festive:

H hates when people take his picture.

I got H a new book by C.S. Lewis called Boxen. I also got him Ghostbusters on Blu-Ray, a Superman cartoon DVD, some sour freezer pops, the 10th Doctor's screwdriver, Astronaut Ice Cream, and a few little trinkets for the stocking.
Girl-H got a Kindle with warranty (which she loves, Yay!), and some random coolness from Thinkgeek: 20D of Destiny, cupcake mints, breathable chocolate, edible flowers, miracle berries, etc.

H got me this amazing thing:

Not Slytherin...Not Slytherin...

My stocking had a bunch of pens from the Dexter store that look like syringes. They even have red liquid inside. I look forward to a cop hassling me over them. *snerk*

Apparently, H got me something else cool, but it arrived broken so I don't get to know what it is yet.

H designed a badass card for us to give out. I'm putting it under a cut for hugeness, (EDIT: it's smaller now, but still easy to read) but I swear it's H's crowning card achievement. Do give it a read! )

We're not really doing anything fancy. No big meal, no visiting, though we'll likely watch H's new copy of Ghostbusters. I made rolls, some with blueberry, and some with nutella. I think I'm going to stop writing to you chumps and go have some.

Happy Holidays to every last one of you.
wednes: (Stephen King)
I figured that since Stephe--excuse me, Richard Bachman's book/novella, Rage is no longer in print, that it wouldn't chafe any balls for me to download it as a pdf, and reformat it for my shiny new Kindle. So I did. Like most sad freaks with brains, I read Mr King voraciously as a kid ("kid" in this case, meaning age 10 thru getting the hell out of that house at 17, and then through my 20's). I loved the short stories in particular, and indeed went through multiple copies of both Night Shift and Skeleton Crew (that had the same terrifying monkey on the front that my Grandpa had in his basement). King is the guy who first taught me about the effectiveness of different POV's. Personally, I find that 1st person is the only POV I can write convincingly, the only truthy option for me. King taught me tons about how to craft a story, how to scare people, how to keep things hidden from the reader while looking like you're baring it all. And this was years before he wrote Danse Macabre and On Writing. He took horror seriously, in a way that few others did. He was, and is, a fucking genius. I want to nut-punch these asshats who bitch that King is no good anymore the same way drunk dickheads in their 20's complain that The Simpsons just aren't as funny as it was when it started--you know, before they were even in the womb. If you deny the genius of, or the effect that Stephen King has had on horror, and all literature, then you're either functionally illiterate, or a total asshat.

So...
I finished re-re reading RAGE about an hour ago. I intended to sit right down and write this, but having a houseguest makes every non-bathroom task take thrice as long as it should. I honestly believe that RAGE is King's best and most truthful book. My short story, Whitman, I ain't is loosely based on it. And while I didn't realize it until recently, my first novel, A Stabbing for Sadie is really just a novel-length attempt to capture the feel and style of Charlie Decker and his Fantastical Adventure in Getting it on.

It pains and saddens me that King wanted RAGE out of print. I'm aware that at least 2 kids who shot up 2 different schools had copies of this book when their rooms were searched. Searching a kid's room and taking guesses as to why he did what he did is something Decker would have taken profound exception to. I understand fully how potent the power of a book can be. I know that some of the books I've read have changed my life and the way I live it. And I'm pretty sure there are books that have affected me so subtly, that I'm not even aware of their influence. I admit that. Non-sarcastically. Really, I do.

But...people need books. They need to hear and feel and think in a different way. They need to at least consider my oft-asserted premise that there is no such thing as evil people. That's important, so I'm going to say it again:

There is no such thing as evil people.

Yes, people do evil things. They kill, hurt or hunt for pleasure, they steal and lie and do all manner of ghastly shit. But I'm telling you, these people are BROKEN. They are not inherently evil. You don't repeatedly throw your iPhone on the pavement and then blame the web browser when it stops working. You don't hit a kid for years and then wonder why he's angry. You don't lie to someone over and over and then wonder why they no longer trust you. You don't treat someone like ass, again and again for their whole damn lives and then act all shocked and surprised when they do something back. Oh wait...lots of people do that. Tons. Maybe even the majority.
And that's why we like to slap the label "Evil" on behavior that we don't like. It totally takes the burden off the shitty things we do that make other people what they are. Sure, we all have choices, and we all have to take responsibility for what we do. All of us. That includes not blaming a book for a kid that everyone around him had a hand in breaking, and the kid who may or may not cite the book as his inspiration. I think that's something adults foist on kids more than something kids actually do. If Ozzy or the guys from Judas Priest were here, I imagine they'd agree.

I wanted to get out there and tear shit up as a kid. I wanted to make good ol' mater feel as bad as she made me feel. I didn't exactly know how, but I had a few ideas. In high school, I once had a therapy session where we role played me putting poison in her bottle of Mountain Dew. I had said to the doc I was sure I'd feel terrible. But when we role played it, I laughed. A giggle at first, then more--and by the end I was like a cackling supervillian. I didn't want to hurt people. Not really. But to be powerful, for just a few minutes? Yes. Just...yes.

That's how I always felt about Charlie Decker. Charlie cozying up to his Id warmed my sad, adolescent heart. It's why I didn't ever start a fire in MY locker--why I didn't carry a gun to class (although I did spend a few years in college carrying a big knife for some reason. I felt nearly naked without it), or actually physically hurt anybody. Eventually, I was able to get out of a terrible situation, then another, then another, and get the help I needed. I used to kind of wish Stephen King would tell us what ever happened to Charlie Decker like he's about to with Danny Torrance. He hasn't, but I like to think Charlie was able to figure shit out, and that he turned out a lot like me.

Really?

Dec. 19th, 2011 10:46 am
wednes: (Jack Mocks)
Stress, I has it.
Woke up yesterday with tremendous back pain and had to go to the grocery store. Girl-H is still staying with us for another week. I'm feeling a little too stressed and crazy for a house guest. And unlike H, Girl-H suspects that my every bad mood is because of her, so I have guilt on top of everything else. Long shift today, then home to cook for the H's, then back to work for, as I said on FB, a stupid fucking night meeting that couldn't possibly wait until after the holiday for some reason.

Our dishwasher is broken, which is especially irritating because we have extra dishes because of guests and Xmas cooking, and all the bottles and extracts and such. Everybody who is getting cookies or cakes is getting them late. My mom would be rolling in her grave--except she isn't dead.

My fabulous extracts turned out fabulous. I knew it!
Actually, I didn't. I was ascared. But I did 8 bottles each (six smallish and 4 large) of vanilla blend (Madagascar, tahitian, and mexico beans in good rum) and organic lavender in creme vodka. It has come to my attention that sending old people giant boxes of sweets may not be entirely welcome. And it saves me a LOT of time and some money not doing that--though it was about $100 to get all the extract stuff. My kitchen smells awesome. My bro is getting a box of cookies after the "new year," and H's grandparents are getting cran-cherry bread the week after Xmas. I was gonna do butter cookies with good vanilla beans but I don't think I'll have time since I'm working until 7pm tomorrow, then home to make a giant veggie stir fry for the H's.

Kim Jong Il dead. "War" in Iraq "over".
I'm sure this will make the world right again, much how eating a Lean Cuisine meal suddenly makes the pounds fly off. We'll be in our skinny jeans by summer--YEAH! ;-[
wednes: (Wednes in 1985)
Another birthday.
So goes my stubborn refusal to die.

I can't shuffle off this mortal coil until I finish this book. It's THAT good.

What did I do this year? Let's make a list.
Bitches love lists.

1. Kept my day job. That was a close one.

2. Picking Brains with Wednesday Lee Friday has been awesome. I've interviewed some amazing people; and zombie fans are starting to notice who the hell I am--which is good, because I have a zombie novel coming out.

3. The new book. It's awesome. I won't belabor the point.

4. New publisher who is ready to drop some serious marketing behind me. And there was much rejoicing.

5. Finished the first Angry Birds. If you knew how bad I suck at video games, you'll know that's fucking amazing.

6. Figured out why I've needed a nap since approximately 1994. CPAP machine slowly making life better and me more productive. HAES lifestyle also progressing well.

7. I have a real, live relationship with my brother. He's awesome.

8. Aside from being poor, my life is awesome. H is the perfect man for me. Really. The perfect one. That such a thing would happen to me is fucking mind boggling. For serious.

9. Party Saturday night. That may not seem like an accomplishment. But I gotta tell you, I throw a party every year and a bunch of amazing people always show up. I don't like to throw around the word "blessed" for many reasons, but it seems like the perfect word to describe the people I am fortunate enough to know and love and be loved by. You've come a long way, [personal profile] wednes!

10. Became comfortable enough with myself that I can post unstaged, uncropped pics of myself online, as referenced here.

Unprimped, unretouched, uncropped, pic wherein I didn't even brush my hair. That's how little I care.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving! We're having salmon with horseradish sauce and mashed potatoes with bacon and cheddar cheese. You know, like the pilgrims would have. Hold the smallpox.
wednes: (Wednes in 1985)
Went to a party at my brother's house last night. Wanted to see him and his costume, and meet his new girlfriend. It also gave me a reason to make my famous mexican layer dip. I didn't have much, but it turned out yummy and really, really hot.

Ryan was my date:


Mark was a suicide bomber, which is decidedly NOT racist.


Party costumes were good. There was a chick football player, a nurse, grim reaper, redneck, and a few people who seemed to be dressed like their regular selves. I didn't really know anybody, but everybody was nice. My social anxiety was in full force, not just because I was outside my home and surrounded by people I didn't know--but because that whole part of town is considered the scene of my spiritual depantsing. I hope I didn't say anything rude or offensive, but I never know.
I basically feel like THIS whenever I go back there.


So yeah, if you only see ONE picture of a Halloween witch this season, make it this one.


We split right around the time beer pong started. My bro has a bunch of beer signs that my grandpa used to have in his basement. He gave me one, which I thought was cool. I always thought it was wood, but upon taking it off the wall I learned that it was plaster. It had initials in the back, so now I wonder if it wasn't made by someone in the family. I shall follow up on that.
wednes: (Wednes Poison)
At the day-job today, hoping to work on some Finster-related notes. Waited for just the right moment to print myself about 40 pages of notes on the department printer. I'm so dastardly! So far we're pretty busy and I have two meetings today. I'm in the home stretch for this book and I'm pretty damn excited about it. If I can't make it even better than my last book, what the hell am I even doing, right?

H and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on Tuesday even though the actual anniversary was yesterday. Seems funny that it's only 4 years seeing as how we've been living together since '99. Spanning two centuries, right? My point with that was that I only wanted to get married once, and H didn't see the point of getting married at all. I mostly wanted to make sure my legal next of kin was not a lunatic who loves to cause me pain. Mission accomplished.
Plus, I think he's the perfect man for me. So yay on that!

American Horror Story is awesome. Good thing, because the premiere of The Walking Dead was lame as fuck. Action is supposed to move the story forward, not just add 30 unnecessary minutes to the episode. Also, character development is a good thing to have in a drama. I might as well have been watching Diary of the Dead. And we all know how much I loathe Diary of the Dead. There's a giant, Darabont-shaped hole in the series. Wednes no like.

Q'daffi is dead. Whaddaya know...
Apparently Q'daffi wasn't as difficult for the Libyans to catch as say, Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future. Ha! Good riddance, you sadistic, power-hungry ass. I don't blame people for being mentally odd, but you can't go around hurting others because you're unwilling to deal with your own shit.

Going to my brother's Halloween party this weekend so I can dress up cool and meet his new gal. I'm being a witch and wearing my wedding dress because he's never seen me in it. I'm bringing my famous mexican dip.

CPAP is coming right along. I'm using it, and sleeping and stuff. and I'm occasionally starting to feel more awake. Specifically, I no longer want to injure myself and others every time I have to get up before noon. So that's fun. My special pillow has not arrived yet. Drag.

Tonight is working on the book, eating Taco Bell, putting some flair on my Halloween costume, and going to bed early.
Won't that be fun?

Oh...right.

Sep. 6th, 2011 01:17 pm
wednes: (Carrie & Mom)
Feeling stressed, tired, tense, generally off my game.
and then I realized.

Today is my Mom's birthday.

Living well is the best revenge.

And now...

...I'm done talking about it.
wednes: (Jack Mocks)
Pondering the wide world of writing is pretty fucking wacky. Started posting links of my stuff to Reddit and Stumbleupon. This has led to dramatically increased views, and a handful of comments from people I don't know. My article about which fictional characters you want on your offensive zombie team is doing pretty well. One pithy commenter took the time to say simply "Fuck Legolas." In all honesty, I do not entirely disagree--except that I am a chick, and I'd be very surprised to learn that Legolas swings that way. Anyway, I'm not exactly sure why I think it's so important for me to share my thoughts with the interwebs, execpt that I can get paid for it, and I'm still trying to get people to read (and buy) my books. I think they're pretty good...the books, I mean.

Every time I think someone might benefit from one of my many musings, I check out the bazillion other assholes online who thought the same thing--and how very little I care about their poorly formed, hideously grammatized excuse for prose/opinion/thought. I like to think I'm smarter than the average bear; but given the average intelligence of said bears--that's not anything to write home about. Still, I have articles planned about how commercial news is killing us, why people refrain from calling horror stories horror, a few pieces on my favorite iPhone Aps (that one was assigned), and one on how 9/11 changed me--also assigned. I have to ask myself, Why would anyone, anywhere give a single rat's ass how 9/11 changed me?

Reading a review copy of a YA zombie novel that isn't nearly as shitty as I was expecting. In fact, it's pretty funny and good. A lot of people look down on YA fiction as being "immature." Far as I can tell, it's the same as adult fiction with less swearing and no graphic sex or violence. Surely a novel doesn't become shitty simply because people aren't fucking and disemboweling each other on every page. Still pondering the possibility of writing some scary kids books--I really wish I could quit my fucking day job and spend some real time on what I really want to do.

My new chair kicks ass. If you hadn't heard, I lost my sitting exercise ball in a freak popping accident. I got this giant comfy desk chair that looks like what Henry VIII would sit in while he finished his zombie novel.
Speaking of zombie novels, when the fuck did the Christian morals-infused zombie novel become a viable subgenre? Seriously, when? Only Kim Paffenroth should be doing this, no one else appears to be good at it. I take that back, I would not say Paffenroth's stuff is actually about cramming faux morals down our throats.

Gonna be putting my Ladies of Villainy series up somewhere else, after some minor fine-tuning. Just need to decide where. The site I wrote them with is now defunct, but those are good articles that only about 100 people actually saw and read. Until I can afford and agent and/or PR person, I should probably keep a tight grip on anything I'm putting out for public consumption.

Mildred Pierce on HBO is well acted and well produced. Damn, it's depressing. If Kate Winslet is having this hard a time, what hope do the rest of us have? I must say though, she's hooking up with a lot more men that I expected from a story set in the 1930's.

Movies I've seen and dug recently:
Last House on the Left (remake)
The Reef
Harry Potter 7.2
Predators

Movies I'm looking forward to:
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
Fright Night (remake)
Dark Knight Rises
Harry Potter 8...What? They aren't? How could it be the last--
Son of a BITCH.
Sometimes I'm so morose at the thought of no more Harry Potter that I consider making a fanfic, despite my well-known hatred for the public literary masturbation that is fanfic.
But wouldn't it be cool if a totally insane wizard only communicated with paintings of people he made up himself? Yeah...that might be fun.

Happy Birthday to my brother, Mark.
He hates when I call him my "little brother" which makes sense, since he's about a head taller than me.
wednes: (Farnsworth/zombie jesus)
You may recall that I received a crazy Email from H's mom recently. While I was mentally crafting my response, another one arrived. This new Email informed me that the second coming of Christ is slated to happen May 11th of this year. Yep, in just a few short weeks. Rather than panic, or buy a new dress, I sat down and soberly composed this thoughtful response:

Cut for length, and in case you don't care to read it )

You'll notice that I threw in some Glenn Beckian buzzwords, and that I did NOT include any single, cherry-picked verses. Most of you know my stance on this, but a book that can be summed up by a single line within that book--is not a very good book. Jaws tells us that The great fish moved silently through the water, and that's true. But that's certainly not all their is.

It is worth noting that H is not giving me any shit about this at all. No "please be respectful" or "don't upset her." He honestly wants me to manage my relationship with her myself without his input. Given the way I see how other marriages handle family-in-law, I feel damn lucky. As disrespectful as I think Grace is, I also know there are people in my own family (not the ones I talk to, but others) who would treat H even worse.
wednes: (Elephant on Trampoline)
Well, because you guys are so great. Only a handful of people are actually reading this on DW. My loyalest fans (not to be confused with loyalists, which I totally skeeve) are still over to the livejournal. While Facebook does take up most of my internet time, I gotta blog. I just gotta. I'm so self absorbed, I think people I've never met want to see pics of me when I was little!
But I digest... [sic]



Here is a GIANT pic of me dancing with my cousin at my Aunt Barb's wedding: )

Put up the new podcast ep just now. Chapters 19 and 20 of Kiss Me Like You Love Me now available at my site, and on the iTunes. Chapter 20 is way far violent and you should only listen if you're into that sort of thing. For serious.

Read a review yesterday for the most recent anthology I appeared in. It's the first interview that mentioned my story specifically, and now I can't find it. Maybe it will show up on Amazon. The publisher on this is a real go getter, and he's pushy but not rude. I like him a lot.

Had lunch with my favorite aunt today, my mom's sister--Aunt Barb. She's pretty great. We went to iHop and had a 2 hour lunch full of family talk. Last time we went out, I let her know that she could give my current phone number to my mom--which she did. My mom didn't call, which is not a surprise. I've actually given my mom my number several times over the years, which she has not used. Ah well...what can ya do?

Today I plan to finish my Q's for Bear McCreary (I'm interviewing him via Email for ZZN, in case you missed that news), touch up my hair color, rewrite a chapter so it makes some goddamn sense, watch Sunday's ep of Big Love, and start my article for the ParaBlog. Ladies who Survive promises to be a great series despite a lame title.

Got new pants in the mail today. They are purple with a pink stripe up each side. They fit a little loose but I bet they will shrink when I wash them. I also got the first underwire bra ever that doesn't make me want to tear it off after wearing it for an hour.

And finally, I am seriously considering using this as my author photo on my next book:

It is also my Email response when people write to ask me why I have to write such unpleasant things. ;-]
wednes: (Dark Side reflection)
Finally called U of M hospital to find out why they keep sending me bogus bills for a thing I already paid for. Sadly, I learned that there are two different bills you pay when you go to a hospital. The doctor part, which was the $140 I already gave them; and the hospital part, which is a further $222. Nice, square number.
So I learn this on the same day that I learn that the GOP supports Universal Health Care for Iraqi's with a single-payer system. That's right. Our supposedly not-with-us-you're-against-us pals get better health care than those of us who pay the people who actually made that call. Yeah...thanks. Obviously, I have no problem with Iraqi's, or anyone really, having good health care. I think everyone should have it--absolutely everyone. And guess what? That includes me.

H and I ordered out from what is currently our favorite restaurant for non-falafel delivery. Both of our burgers were way too rare, and I got pretty violently sick. I mean, I love a rare burger but this wasn't even heated through. Didn't make it to work on Tuesday, which sucks because Return Hell is going on right now. Talked to the manager who was really apologetic and nice. She was the co-owner and gave me the whole run down on where they get their meat and that it shouldn't have made me sick and they're going to talk to the cook from that night. Anyway, they're a good restaurant and I feel fine now. Back to work tomorrow for one long shift before a 3-day weekend. Then...the drudgery of winter and the beginning of my quest to find a new day-job.

Went shopping for a couple different gauges of jewelry wire today. Had ordered some online but it was totally not the gauge I wanted. Turns out the wire gets thinner as the gauges go up. Who knew? Well, probably a lot of you did but it didn't occur to me to ask. Anyway, now I have a variety and can begin the long task of making myself a lovely Deathly Hallows charm to wear around my elegant swan-like neck. *snerk* Beats paying the Noble Collection $50 for one that won't even stay silver.

Thought I might be seeing some family over the holidays. Schedules just aren't meshing though. Sent out a few cool packages and got a few neat cards and gifts. Not really planning anything for NYE. Might be staying home. If so, locals should feel free to pop by, maybe bring a snack or whatever. But check, because if I get invited someplace cool, I just may go. H will be around this year too. We might actually *gasp* go someplace together. I'm not sure that's ever happened before on NYE.
wednes: (Santa?)
If you're curious to know how our holiday was, this is where you can find that out. )

And then, this happened:


Back to work tomorrow for a 3-day week. Dropping down on the hours so I can get some real work done. Have to finish The Finster Effect by the end of summer, which means I'll be working my ass off on it. New podcast ep this week, and new ZZN article and ParaBlog article too. That's right, no more dicking around. Back to the REAL work! Apparently the main difference between being somewhat talented and actually being successful is a metric fuckton of hard work. My new desk setup is awesome, so I really have no excuse for not getting everything done that I need to do. Well--unless that new HDMI cable that lets me watch downloaded vids on my big TV counts as an "excuse." I'm hoping not...but there is an awful lot of Bugs Bunny here.
wednes: (Santa?)
Monday was H's birthday, and it so happens that he loved all the stuff I got him. I made him mexican lasagne (which he asked for) and his fave marzipan cake. He got a new tray for eating, since we never eat at the table. He's been using the last tray I bought him--which was a blue tray for kids with a racecar on the front. For serious. So he digs the big boy tray very much. I also got him a can of Romulan Ale, a book called The Last Days of Krypton, and a T-shirt for a boat rental store on Amity Island. Apparently they have big boats, and bigger boats. Good stuff!
For Xmas, he is getting Shutter Island and Iron Man 2 on Blu Ray, and another T-shirt with a Left 4 Dead health pack on the back. Sweet! He's also getting a few bottled of mana, a duct tape wallet (by Ducti), astronaut ice cream, sour candy, and some wasabi lip balm which I am confident he will enjoy.

Sent out a bunch of cookies this week, but couldn't find my cousin Victoria's address (even though she has sent me 3 things in the past year or so). Now I have it, but didn't have any packing tape to secure the box. Apparently, neither masking nor scotch tapes are strong enough. Drag. So that will be late. Also sent out a bunch of cool beeswax candles that I rolled myself. I wanted to make hats, but my hands were not even entertaining the idea of knitting.

Rude Pundit made me a bit less angry at Obama this week. The POTUS did throw a monkey wrench in the GOP's shenanegans by giving in on the tax cuts. Yeah, those cuts are totally bogus, but if it gets help for 9/11 responders, rids us of DADT, and gets START off to a flying *ahem* start, that won't be so bad. Net neutrality going down in flames though, is NOT okay. I am pretty much inconsolable and desperately clinging to the hope that some more companies will be in the area to compete with Comcast. I loathe Comcast, and would welcome any and all competition that is not AT&T. H and I got into a screaming fight about Net Neutrality, because I just don't think that because they're your cables that you should get to charge everybody more while giving them less. Fuck them and that fuckery right in the ear!
wednes: (Springfield Wednes)
That's right bitches, I didn't die before I turned 40.
How do I know? Because I turned 40 yesterday.
Not only did I not die of my own excesses, but I had a petite cancer scare that I came through swimmingly. Of course I have friends, family, and Anthem Blue Cross to thank for that.

Better still, my evil head trauma has NOT made me soft in the head...yet. I'm still working a day job, maintaining a reasonable semblance of sanity, writing novels, and enjoying a pretty damn good life.
Go, Me! Suck it, Not-Me!

My yearly rant on why responsible consumerism is just fucking fine )

Giving gifts should be fun.
If you think it's a pain in the ass; you're doing it wrong.

Imagine my joy when H presented me with an Exorcist play set (From the movie. It's not for doing an actual exorcism--even though I hear those are all the rage right now). It has a little battery motor that makes the head spin around. BADASS! He also got me a candle holder that is the front window of Mrs Lovetts pie shop. Sweet!
H makes me a cool card every year, because he's a whip-ass graphic designer. This year, the envelope had the theme from Jaws written out (accurately) in onamontapoeia. The card had scenes from Jaws with birthday wishes appropriately and hilariously worked in. A Jaws-themed card is especially hilarious because unbeknownst to H, I got him an Amity T-shirt for HIS birthday, which is next month. *snerk* Get out of my mind, H!

Saturday is the big bash. Anytime after 6pm is cool for coming by, and we'll be kicking people out at 3am, unless they are too wasted to drive. Limited crashing space is available. Yummy food and non-alcoholic bevvies will be served. All else, BYO. No smoking in common rooms. VIP smoking in H's office. So many great people are coming this year. College friends, work friends, many of the usual party peeps, and a few other fun surprises. If you're coming, please bring a camera. We do not have a working one anymore. :-[

The planned menu:
Spinach dip--my own variation of the classic Knorr recipe
Roasted Red Pepper Hommus--made by me
That nutella pastry with strawberries that I do.
Mexican dip courtesy of [profile] klynnfrost
Hawaiian inspired trifle: coconut cake, bannana pudding, pineapple chunks, macadamia nuts, cool-wHip, and maraschino cherries. It's gonna kick ass.

And finally, I am losing my voice. My upper register is gone, which is my "customer voice." Sucky, as I have to work tomorrow. Hoping to be on web chat instead of phones as much as possible. Low register is fine, lets hope I can keep it until after the party.
wednes: (Stabbity)
This sucks. It's one of those Monday mornings that shows up and you're like Really? But I didn't even get a weekend! I was at work Friday and Saturday; Sunday I was up by 9am so we could grocery shop in time for me to come home and cook a nice meal for my brother--who visited yesterday. People over all day Sunday, no time to relax much less get any work done. Taking a break from the podcast for the month of November, I think. Perilously close to burnout and will be doing the NaNoWriMo again. Might even post a short story this week since I'm so short on both energy and time.

Working all day today AND tomorrow. Training today, which means nonstop talking and being annoyed and frustrated all afternoon. *sigh* Plus I bought new band-aids to cover up this grossness on my forehead. They are too big and I have to get new ones--which means an extra trip to the store. Sometimes I actually wish I *could* drive. Life would be much simpler.

It was good seeing my bro, as always. Our conversations remain fairly superficial, which is not what I'd prefer--but dealing with those Private types has never been my strong suit.

JoJo is basically back to his old, terrible self. He still needs to put on more weight; but his personality is back and none of his wounds got infected. We are also past the danger time for rabies--so he appears to be free of that as well. Thank Bastet for small favors!

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